Original subtitles

-Bully, the old passion killer. -But...

-That's unbelievable. -I'm sorry,

but everybody else is in danger too. Let me show you.

If it's my face again...

-No. -That's pretty... Damn.

Then I was up.

I'm just human too.

I just couldn't take it anymore.

I grinned just for a moment.

I'll take you with me, Otto, and the great thing is,

I can send you in again at any time.

Great. I've still got a few skits up my sleeve.

Bully said our thoughts out loud.

He's still in the building, and we know what Bully is like.

No!

Oh, no! Don't do it, Bully!

-Don't do it. -That's not good.

-Sorry, Otto. -You dog.

That was killer.

I was comfortable.

A Mexican wave for Otto.

Well?

Thank you. See you later.

-Buzz once. -Yes, unfortunately.

Ouch!

SUCH SHIT!

"See you later."

-Unfortunately. -That was a threat.

-Yeah. -Oh, boy.

Caution, a message from the control room.

The buzzer must be pressed.

Oh, God.

Everything okay?

It's an important call, sorry.

No eye contact. Look to the ground,

look up. I feel like I'm being followed.

Meltem? It's for you.

Oh, no.

Mom, no! Don't call me now. Later.

It's the right time for some Alpine folk music.

Ladies and gentlemen,

let's continue with Bully's Puppet Box.

Oh, God, I know him.

That's the yodeler.

Oh, God!

He's still around?

Let's pack it in. Who cares.

It's over!

Oh, no!

No, no!

Oh, God.

That has to be...

Yes. Bravo!

Don't do that again!

Oh, no! No!

He just didn't stop. It felt like a hundred years.

Call them, so he stops.

Thank you.

-I got my yodeling diploma... -Yeah.

-You yodel too. -Yes.

-Did you want to... -No.

-False gong? -No, false gong.

-Mistaken gong? -I wanted to...

-Look! -...test something.

Looks like Torsten with his cap.

His show is called "Torsten Hawaii".

-Torsten Hawaii? -Torsten Hawaii.

-"Torsten Hawaii". -That's funny.

-My life as a pineapple. -On track to be gratinated.

Oh, Meltem. Goodness gracious!

Nice to see that Meltem is keeping you on your toes.

I'll be dead after that skit.

It looked like she had an unconscious Torsten Sträter on her right side

and a very limp Olaf Schubert to her left side.

I was thinking,

"There are people that print my face on paper

and stick it on a balloon." What a nice gesture.

Bravo!

-Broadway! -Wow!

Olaf's legs are very...

-elastic. -Bravo, Meltem. Bravo.

And now, Otto Waalkes' big comeback.

Oh, why?

Oh, no!

I'm back!

With some light jokes!

-Can I sit there? -Sure.

-We thought we'd made it. -We thought we'd have more time.

Dad?

Yes?

I can't solve this math equation.

Let me take a look.

28 divided by seven? You can't solve that?

Elke, your son can't divide 28 by seven.

Then help him.

What's 28 divided by seven? Do I need that?

Surely. Imagine you're seven boys and have 28 apples

that you want to divvy up.

We're four. Hans, his brother, Freddie, and me.

Then count in Eckhart, Fritz, and Rolf.

Rolf sucks, he doesn't get any.

Somebody you meet outside.

The boy isn't going outside now.

Have you got a better example to explain 28 divided by seven?

-He's not going out on the street! -You're not seven boys,

you're seven dwarves. Oh yes.

And together, the seven dwarves have a flat with 28 rooms.

There are no flats with 28 rooms in Hamburg!

You're not the seven dwarves.

You've got 28 alarm clocks and have to get up at 7:00.

At 7:00? The way he's slacking off, make it 6:30 a.m.!

If you're giving examples, then use some he can visualize.

I'm going nuts. 28 divided by seven, just divide it up like a cake.

Buy 28 cakes, Elke!

-For whom? -For the seven of us.

We're just three.

We'll invite people.

Everybody will have to eat four cakes, Dad.

I don't care! We'll solve it! I'll go buy the cakes now!

Did he do it?

Then I'll stay.

-Did he do it? -Yeah.

-Then I'll stay. -Come on, Otto.

Now you've...

-Third time he's kicked somebody. -Yeah.

I have to say, Otto has a remarkable hit ratio.

-You want to say something? -No.

Nothing to say? Okay.

I'll accompany you with music.

Esteemed ladies and gentlemen,

dear participants,

I present to you a laugh

that you probably didn't see coming.

No.

Yes.

-It couldn't be better. -Indeed.

-My, God. -Meltem!

Of course Otto makes me laugh. What am I supposed to do?

Thanks, you were great.

-But now I'm free! -Yeah!

Honestly, I'm proud of myself.

I thought I'd be out within the first ten minutes.

I think I managed for quite some time. I was tough.

-You're not mad? -No.

If somebody's allowed to buzz me out... it's you.

Oh, no!

OOPS!

I'll take both of you with me.

Meltem was gone and the rest were pondering.

The three who already had experience all only had one life left,

but the rookies, a.k.a. Michael, Ralf, and me, we still had two lives each.

We're approaching crunch time.

I'll make a sound you cannot refuse.

Yes, Otto is a killer.

Otto is the John Wick of German comedy.

We've got a crash test here.

The suit killed me.

He looked like a liverwurst. An athletic liverwurst.

-Something's wrong with you, Ralf. -What's that?

Are you a crash test dummy?

-That's my side hustle. -Really?

-Are you preparing us for a skit? -No.

-Depositing glass? -I...

I just brought something to drink. I just wanted to say, it's awesome...

when you're independent.

We're all not doing so well,

so I took a job as a crash tester.

It's great. Nothing left behind.

No problems.

-Yeah. -Come in.

A great job.

-The brain is cool, you can... -What brain?

-No problem. -Oh, boy.

Did something inside you break?

No. It's...

-not really a problem... -Yeah.

...if you work as a crash test dummy on the side.

Here, look.

-The pain, the force... -Not with me!

-Test it on yourself! -Yes!

-Just through muscle tension... -Go on then.

-I'll get something to defend myself. -Yes.

Okay.

-Watch. -Yes.

-Ouch. -See?

That wasn't me, right?

What's this mess?

It's my side job.

-Are you rioting? -No.

-I brought it with me. -Yeah?

-I'll give you a broom. -Yes.

-I'll tidy it up, no problem. -Yes.

We'll watch this as punishment.

You might think it was Michael Kessler, but he was just screaming.

But watch Ralf Schmitz.

That's a classic cucumber face.

No, that's a...

It's not a... it's a...

I tried that too.

-But it's true. -Forget it.

Everybody wants to talk it over.

"It was a twitch." Yeah, yeah.

"There was a fly".

-Listen. -Yeah?

-It's your first life. -Yes!

So, come on.

Oh, no!

WELL, GREAT!

I'm a big fan of your costume.

-I'm not the only one. -We all are.

-A great costume, right? -Beautiful.

Don't play with food. The old adage has proven true yet again.

Good thing I don't have to go to school, but pressing a buzzer is now my job.

That's a statement.

The other eardrum is shot now too.

Can you bring me Elyas M'Barek?

-No! -No problem!

-There he is. -No!

Dude!

-Pitch all you want. -Elyas M'Barek.

No!

You've got my undivided attention.

-This is about my career. -Don't grin like that.

Can little Olaf listen in or should he go to bed? Is it not inappropriate for kids?

Three different questions.

-Give your all, Torsten. Convince me. -Okay.

Jörg Lucebrink: Extraction.

Jörg Lucebrink was a normal official in the parks department of Hagen.

One day, a messenger steps into his office and gives him a thermos.

When Lucebrink opens it up, a voice comes out of the thermos.

"Jörg, the criminal organization X-Fi,

"lead by a man they call the Eel,

"has sent karate gardeners throughout Germany

"to kick down the hedges of innocent civilians.

" Your mission, they mustn't do that."

Watch Elyas M'Barek in Jörg Lucebrink: Extraction.

A different kind of movie experience.

Witness never before seen stunts, gunfights on recumbent bicycles,

battles next to a 1.20 meter high hedge, conformant with the parks regulations.

Judo... anger.

Sträter was a real threat to me.

That really brought me to the edge of laughter.

Be amazed by the breathtaking plot twists.

The grandma is in on it.

See how Lucebrink catches the Eel.

And then, the showdown.

Lucebrink, ravaged by various abrasions,

pulls the smelly eel mask off of the culprit and screams.

The Eel...

the brilliant fiend and merciless strategist,

is Jörg Lucebrink's own brother.

Martin Lucebrink. Also played by Elyas M'Barek.

Jörg asks, "Why, Brother?"

"Because you made something of yourself."

Martin Lucebrink cries.

The brothers hug, a police boat docks.

They board it.

The policeman steering the boat turns to them slowly.

It's Rolf Lucebrink, the brother of Jörg and Martin Lucebrink.

Also played by Elyas M'Barek.

Don't miss it this fall.

Elyas M'barek as Jörg, Martin and Rolf Lucebrink in

Jörg Lucebrink: Extraction.

A movie like a movie. Also regarding its running time.

-Bravo! -RIght?

-Yes. -You should write movie scripts.

That was tough.

Think it through. I'll leave it...

I'll read it again.

-Thank you, Elyas. -Thanks.

It was cool knowing you had nothing to lose.

I could really get in on it and didn't have to ignore him.

I'll send them a message. I've got pneumatic post here.

I've got a letter that I'll put in here, then I'll close it up.

Okay...

The line is a little long.

Pneumatic post.

Sorry, did the letter reach you?

-Yes! -A fax.

I need your help with that. I found this letter in my attic.

Some words have disappeared. Perhaps you can help me.

I also sent you Ina to read it out loud. She didn't fit in the capsule.

She'll read it out. And the spots where words are missing,

please help us find out what those words could be.

-Bravo! -Bravo!

Ina came back into the room, smiling from ear to ear.

I've got a pneumatic post for you.

If I cannot go on reading, it's your turn.

-Okay. -Yeah?

"Dear Uncle Peter,

"how are you? I'm doing well.

-"My feet are pretty..." -Swollen.

"...from all the walking.

-"And I've got a wet..." -Ass!

-"...that I met, that was pretty..." -Wrinkly.

"I told him, 'Aren't you the old...'"

-Ass? -"...of Aunt Gerda?'

"He said, 'Sure. Would you like a tasty...'"

-Genever. -"...in your piehole?'

"I immediately said...

"I immediately said,

-"'Why, you're totally...'" -Spaced out.

Stop it at once, Ina!

Nobody wants to hear that!

"'Don't you know that I've got a huge...'

-Dingdong. -"'...in my backpack?

-"'It'll really...'" -Explode.

-"'...when it sees how you...'" -Service it.

-"'I have to quickly go to...'" -The doctor.

Wow.

-Didn't you once... -No.

I'd say, that's a match.

"'Warm regards and a great...'"

-Sunday. -Remaining afternoon.

"Your Willi..."

Roschrobotnek.

Great job.

Yes, thank you, Ina.

Finally, I know what it said.

-Thank you. -Thank you.

Have fun.

Good Lord.

Good Lord, let it...

Let it no longer rain jokes.

-You left your bag here. -Yes, thank you.

He hides his hand behind his back, you think, "He's up to something."

Let's see what it'll be.

The clock is ticking, my friend. For you.

Your egg is almost cooked.

-It rings. -I was just out.

-Yes. -It's yours.

-A chicken without feet. Thank you. -Yeah.

-May I... -Your diary?

Writing things down?

-A protocol... -Diary?

-Something else. -Love letter?

-You want to know? -Yeah.

Then have a seat, please.

Good God.

Oh, that's...

No!

Why did I ask?

Nobody knows.

I'd like to ask you to read this out loud.

I will translate it simultaneously.

In sign language. In my own very direct sign language.

He's gonna jump around.

I thought I'd make a trailer.

-It's getting serious. -Start.

-Will it be romantic? -That, too.

Listen. I'll start with the trailer.

-Thank you. -One, two, three.

"Ladies and gentlemen,

"It's more than time.

"Last One Laughing...

"is starting its fifth season."

He's so good.

"Get ready. The who's who

"of crazy comedians

"is ready to give their all for you."

Ralf reminds me of a little dog.

You think, "He's cool, in a way."

But he doesn't stop trying to jump up on you.

"She was born in America,

"raised in Switzerland,

"and sucked up humor with her mother's milk

"Hazel Brugger.

"His first movie role

"was Klausi in Manta, Manta.

"Countless roles followed,

"roles over roles.

-"Even more roles." -Much more. Ouch!

-Ouch! -"Before he had

-"even more roles in Switch." -More!

"There were many roles.

"Good golly, so many roles.

"Michael Kessler."

It didn't say "good golly".

"He's the German James Bond.

"Model.

"Musician.

"And Karl Lagerfeld's muse.

"The last living sex symbol.

"Olaf Schubert.

"That's Not 20 Centimeters,

"is the title of the Mallorca party hit that made her both famous

"and infamous.

Mirja Boes.

"But be warned,

"you will wiggle your ears and not believe your eyes.

"Season five.

"Thank you."

Bravo.

I think that Ralf Schmitz is wound up early every morning

by multiple technicians using a steel key.

Then he's powered up for 70 hours,

but he's only awake for 12.

Beautiful.

-Are you doing a skit, Mirja? -I'll try.

-I know about the parables. -Yes.

-A thing without... -A chicken without feet

-is like a... -A snake without a tongue.

Asparagus without roots...

Is like?

Like a polecat without wings.

Nowadays, Lambada is a dance, but it used to be a man bathing sheep.

Lambada.

La... Oh, God.

Is that the origin of the Lambada sensor?

No clue. Ask Kessler, he worked at NASA for a long time.

Volvo invented it.

Volvo? Is there also a Were-Volvo? VW by day, and at night...

There's a Volvo that you cannot wash too hot or it'll shrink.

From the fairytale of Red Riding Cap?

Yes.

Oh, guys.

-You'll get payback for Were-Volvo. -Were-Volvo...

You'll get that back.

Oh, something is happening.

-Oh, look. -No.

Dear friends.

Fipsi the guinea pig has passed away.

Fipsi was a sociable little guy, one to steal carrots with.

You remember him, Olaf.

He always had a great saying when he asked,

"Why is there straw here?"

We laughed so much back then, Torsten.

Really.

Fipsi was a boy from Cologne.

His carnival costumes were unforgettable.

Here are a few.

Wow, that's sick.

Harry Hirsch.

We partied with Enie van de Meiklokjes.

-Is that her? -Her sister.

And dressed up as Johnny Depp.

There are so many anecdotes, I can't tell them all.

I'll let his companions speak now.

That would be you guys.

Olaf, please come up and say some last words about Fipsi.

-Sure. -Oh, God.

Real dangerous.

I have to say...

That's...

That's when it goes south.

When you hear...

Oh, God.

That's just...

That's...

That's...

Thank you. Get out.

Thanks.

What's that?

Such a disaster.

-What a terrible skit. -Oh, God.

-I'm soaked in sweat. -That was hardcore.

Yeah.

Dear mourners, let's go back in time a little.

Greetings, jugglers!

-Good evening! -Susanne Daubner!

There are no more control mechanisms. Things just start happening.

It's going to get wild!

And a pinch of curry.

Did you get here safely?

So-so.

Okay, the heaviest trophy in the world goes to...