Original subtitles

[In ing]

♪ Hello, world, hear the song that we're singing ♪

♪ come on, get happy ♪

♪ a whole lot of lovin' is what we'll be bringing ♪

♪ we'll make you happy ♪

♪ we had a dream we'd go traveling together ♪

♪ we'd spread a little love ♪

♪ and then we'll keep movin' on ♪

♪ something always happens whenever we're together ♪

♪ we get a happy feeling when we're singing a song ♪

♪ traveling along there's a song that we're singing ♪

♪ come on, get happy ♪

♪ a whole lot of lovin' is what we'll be bringing ♪

♪ we'll make you happy ♪

♪ we'll make you happy ♪

♪ we'll make you happy ♪

[♪♪♪]

Well, i'm ready. Finally.

We don't have much time.

Do i have to go through with this? it's all so silly.

It is not silly. It means a lot of publicity.

Honey, they could have elected any girl, but they picked you.

It's an honor. To be elected miss dill pickle?

Yeah, you're a natural.

You act more like a pickle

than any girl i've ever known.

Come on, it's getting late.

See you.

Laurie, before you go,

what are you gonna donate to the celebrity auction?

What celebrity auction?

Oh, the school newspaper is auctioning

off mementoes from celebrities to raise money.

They didn't happen to say who's coming over

to pick up the things.

Ah, more good news. It's marvin.

Oh, no. It had to be him. Who's "him"?

Marvin's the editor of the school paper. he hates me.

Hates you? why? I wish i knew.

[Doorbell rings]

If that's marvin, don't let him know where we're going.

He'll never let me forget it.

[Chuckles]

Well, well, well.

If it isn't pickles partridge.

Laurie: how did you know? Because i am a good reporter.

You wouldn't put that in the school paper.

Page one.

Reuben, we'd better go. We're gonna be late.

Yeah.

Uh, nice to meet you, Marvin, isn't it?

Yes. uh... Uh, how did you know?

Wild guess.

Laurie, the auction.

Oh, i'm giving my ballet slippers.

Danny, would you get them?

They're in the brown shoebox on the closet shelf.

[♪♪♪]

I wish it were a bomb.

You... you gave away my tan shoebox

instead of the brown one.

Tan, brown. i was close. Close?

Your "close" just destroyed my whole life.

What could possibly be in a shoebox

that could destroy your whole life?

Marvin is in possession of my...

My journal. What's a journal?

I do believe it's another word for a diary.

I'm ruined!

[♪♪♪]

[Sighs]

[♪♪♪]

Laurie, what could be in a diary

that's so embarrassing?

What could be in a diary that's so embarrassing?

Oh, lots of things. Like?

Like the time when i was 12

and you took me to hanley's department store.

You know, when you took me to the lingerie department.

The time when i bought my first...

[Laughs]

That's nothing to be embarrassed about.

Every girl that age gets one.

I know, but sometimes,

in a diary, you exaggerate a little.

What did you say?

"D." oh, laurie.

Then there's page 24. Okay, what's on page 24?

I can't tell you.

Might as well just drop out of school and become a hermit.

Well, just tell him you gave him the wrong box

and, uh, exchange it.

Right. why, he couldn't have looked in the box yet

or he would have called me up to gloat. oh, thanks, mom.

You just saved me from a life of seclusion.

Well, you're too nice and too pretty to live in a cave.

[♪♪♪]

So all you have to do is take this shoebox

to the school newspaper office

and trade it for the other.

That way, marvin would never know the difference.

I'd do it myself, but he'd get suspicious.

So i'm asking you to do me this one small favor.

How about it?

What's in the diary? Nothing.

Don't tell me miss goody-two-shoes

has something to hide.

No, nothing, really. Then why are you blushing?

I'm not blushing.

Oh, please, would you do this one small thing for me?

Why should we? I'm your sister.

Try again. Come on, you guys.

Danny, you know, there is one thing to consider.

I would like to read her diary.

We'll do it.

You guys wouldn't read my diary, would you?

Really, there's nothing in it. Just recipes, stuff like that.

If you read page 24, i'll...

Die.

[♪♪♪]

Laurie, do you know where danny and keith are?

Uh, well, knowing them, they could be anywhere.

Really?

Well, actually they're getting my diary back from marvin.

You mean you asked those two to get the diary for you?

Well, i didn't wanna ask them,

but i couldn't find anybody better.

Laurie...

[♪♪♪]

Oh, did you get the diary?

You didn't get the diary.

Well, you know how those diary things go.

I have to get it back before he realizes what he has.

He knows? Danny: don't worry.

Maybe mom will send you to a private school in switzerland.

What am i gonna do now? Put your flowers in water?

Flowers and candy. i'm ruined.

Right now, he's probably standing in an alley

wearing a raincoat, selling mimeographed copies.

Well, now it's about time you did

what you should have done in the first place.

Ask him for it yourself.

You're right, mom.

I'm gonna settle this thing once and for all.

[♪♪♪]

It's settled. he's gonna print my diary in the school paper.

He wouldn't. Not only that, he insulted me.

He said i was so skinny,

when i stuck my tongue out i looked like a zipper.

[Laughing]

Honey, do you want me to get that diary back from marvin?

No, mom, this is something i have to do for myself.

Okay. i'm gonna pick up chris and tracy at the park.

See you later. See you.

[Door closes]

Well, how are you gonna get it back?

Up to now, i've let my emotions guide my thinking.

Now it's time for calm, clear, logical planning.

What are you gonna do? I'm going to liberate my diary.

What does that mean?

I think it means she's gonna steal it.

It's not stealing.

It's my diary.

You'll be contributing to the delinquency of a minor.

Which in this case is yourself.

I have to get it back.

He's gonna print it in the school newspaper.

But you'll get caught.

That's a chance i have to take.

I realize there are some problems in doing it by myself.

I'm not as strong as a man, and naturally, since i'm a girl,

i'm not as shrewd or cunning as a man.

Strange. that's not what she said last week

at the women's lib rally.

How quickly they forget. Oh, come on, you guys.

You want us to break into the newspaper office?

We wouldn't be breaking in, just temporarily trespassing.

No jury would convict us.

Well, since you've completely junked your morals,

the solution to your problem is simple. try bribing us.

What?

Well, just do my chores for the next two weeks.

Danny partridge, you're a male...

A male chauvinist piglet!

Watch your language. It may influence my decision.

Okay, if that's the way you want it, that's fine.

I understand.

[♪♪♪]

Guess the only thing left for me to do is...

Is to cry.

[Crying]

[Laughing]

You guys are rotten. You didn't see your acting.

Okay, if you don't wanna help me, fine. i can do it myself.

Wait a minute. We'll help you.

You will? We will?

Danny, miss dill pickle needs our help.

[♪♪♪]

Is there anything you want us to pick up for you while we're out?

Well, yes, uh, we made up a list.

Chinese-english dictionary? I need it for school.

Oh.

Your class planning a field trip to peking?

Collar tabs?

Uh, i think they're gonna come back in style this year.

This should be fun. i've never been on a scavenger hunt before.

Okay, how much time do you need?

What?

Well, for some reason,

you obviously want us to get out of the house. how long?

Mom, we're not trying to get you out of the house.

We wouldn't do a thing like that.

Two hours? Okay.

But when i come back, i'll wanna know why.

Now we have to hurry.

The entire mission depends on precision timing.

Sit down. Listen carefully.

Danny [on recorder]: Good evening, miss partridge.

As you know, your diary has fallen into enemy hands.

This is silly. i've never listened to an ankle before.

Two gallant men have been assigned to help you

recover this document.

Keith partridge, a man with nerves of steel

and an electric guitar.

And danny partridge, daring,

debonair and devilishly handsome.

[Recorder clicks off]

You turned off my foot.

Can't you guys be serious? We have a crime to commit.

Oh, one more thing. My code name is blue jay.

I'm red wing. I'm sick.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

Keith [whispering]: Hey, there's an open window.

Perfect. all you have to do is climb up,

get on the fire escape, and then

crawl through the window. Wrong.

Wrong? Wrong.

You climb up, you get on the fire escape,

and you crawl through the window.

Me? It's your caper.

Oh...

Come on, come on.

All right, now, take it easy. Take it easy. watch your step.

Hey, she can really climb! Would you sh...?

Keith: Okay, now, you're almost there.

All right, now, one more. You're almost there.

[Sighs]

Okay, i made it. Now what?

Climb through the window,

go downstairs and open the front door for us.

You guys get to walk in? It's not my diary.

Hurry up.

Hey! you boys looking for something?

Keith: Uh, officer, we're looking for marvin.

Officer: marvin? Yeah.

We wanna give him these ballerina slippers.

You wanna give marvin these ballerina slippers?

Well, marvin is the editor of the school newspaper.

These are for the celebrity auction.

Officer: The building looks closed up to me.

Well, uh, we came to see if any lights were on.

Right. uh, marvin was supposed to meet us here.

Well, i suppose you guys are for real.

But you shouldn't be hanging around alleys at night.

It looks suspicious.

Uh, we know.

Well, i hope your friend shows up.

And have a nice night.

Thanks. Thanks.

Will you stop acting like peter pan and get back up there?

I don't know if i have the strength.

[Sighs]

Don't ever say we never did anything for you.

Danny: Say hello to captain hook.

[♪♪♪]

Danny: hi. [Gasps]

How did you get in here? The front door was unlocked.

Unlocked? look, i went to a lot of trouble

to climb through that window.

The least you could have done was let me unlock the door.

There is no honor among thieves.

Okay, okay. We're here to do a job.

Now, where are the donations? In his office.

[Sighs]

Locked.

He leaves the front door open, he leaves the window open,

but he locks his office.

What could be in there that's so important

he has to lock his office?

Your diary. Who would wanna steal my diary?

I don't care to have a debate in the middle of a felony.

The fact is, we can't get into his office.

But there must be a way.

The air vent. It must lead into his office.

Keith: Good idea.

We can take off the grill and crawl into it.

Danny, you're small. I'm just short. you're skinny.

[♪♪♪]

Don't look at me. I just washed my hair.

Good night, kids. Chris: good night, mom.

Tracy: Good night, mom.

[Doorbell rings]

Hello, mrs. partridge. Hello, marvin.

Is, uh... is laurie here? No, she isn't.

Oh, well, it doesn't matter.

I was just, uh, out in the neighborhood, taking a walk.

Marvin, uh, why don't you come in.

Marvin, i think you and i should have a talk.

[♪♪♪]

Marvin, why do you dislike laurie so?

Well, there's lots of reasons.

She's talented, she's pretty. She has green eyes.

It just rubs me wrong, i guess.

I really can't believe that.

You see, i... i think you really like laurie.

That is not true. Marvin, it is true.

[♪♪♪]

How did you know? Why don't you let her know?

Because...

Because i'm dull.

Because i have no talent.

I guess about the only thing i have going for me

is hostility.

At least it, uh... It makes me different.

That why you're keeping her diary?

I never meant i was gonna print it.

I just said that.

I couldn't even bring myself to read it.

But, you see, while i have it...

Well, she'll notice me.

You know?

If you give it back to her,

she'll notice you in a much nicer way.

What are you doing? Shh!

Laurie: I don't know. It's dark in here.

[♪♪♪]

Hey, i found an opening. Well, can you get in?

Well, i think i can...

Kick the grill out with my feet.

I kicked the grill out and i'm now lowering myself...

Into the office.

Hi. How did you get in here?

You broke into the same room.

I broke into the same room twice?

Do you wanna get into the office?

Where'd you get that? On that peg marked "key."

I wish you hadn't told me.

[♪♪♪]

Do you see it? No.

It's gotta be here someplace.

[Footsteps approaching]

Someone's coming. Oh!

[Recorder clicks]

Danny [on recorder]: Good evening, miss partridge.

As you know, your diary has fallen into enemy han...

What's going on here? Mom!

What's going on? What are you doing here?

A better question is what are you doing here?

Oh. Well...

We just happened to be walking by

and we saw this window open on the second floor and...

You were stealing the diary. And we were stealing the diary.

Kids, do you realize that's breaking and entering?

You've broken the law.

[Sighs]

We'll talk more about this at home.

But i've got news for you, you're all grounded.

Grounded? You're lucky you're not in jail.

Mom, how'd you know we were here?

I didn't.

I drove marvin over to pick up laurie's diary.

He was gonna give it back to you.

Oh, you're kidding.

I didn't know it would come to this.

I've turned you into a thief.

Marvin, i must tell you,

your behavior hasn't helped this situation any.

But it doesn't excuse what they've done.

Mom, i... i don't know what to say.

To begin with, i think marvin has something

he wants to say to you.

Well, laurie, i, uh...

I just... I just wanted to say that...

Uh... well, i think...

[Mumbling] You're nice and pretty.

What?

[♪♪♪]

I said...

I think you're nice.

And i think you're the prettiest girl in school.

And i want to apologize for every nasty thing

i ever said to you.

And when you're not being grounded anymore, i wonder...

I wonder if you'd go out with me.

[Chuckles]

Can i have my diary back first?

[Playing and singing "it's one of those nights"]

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ it's one of those nights ♪

♪ when you turn out the lights and you sit in the dark ♪

♪ and say to yourself "I miss her" ♪

♪ it's one of those moods when your body broods ♪

♪ and you conjure up her picture and you kiss her ♪

♪ it's one of those things for the pain it brings ♪

♪ you say to yourself ♪

♪ "hey couldn't I live without it?" ♪

♪ well I think so on the other hand ♪

♪ I doubt it ♪

♪ ooh ♪

♪ suddenly she's crashing through my mind ♪

♪ like waves upon the shore ♪

♪ like waves upon the shore ♪

♪ and I nod my head whoa yes love ♪

♪ I'd welcome you again if you knocked upon my door ♪

♪ if you knocked upon my door ♪

♪ if you didn't I'd seek you out love ♪

♪ I'd track you down for sure like a thousand times before ♪

♪ like a thousand times before ♪

♪ whoa yes love I'd welcome you again ♪

♪ like you know I've done before ♪

♪ so it goes it's a cold in your nose ♪

♪ it's a pain in the neck it'll make you a wreck ♪

♪ if it gets ya ♪

♪ cold on your nose pain in the neck ♪

♪ make you a wreck if it gets ya ♪

♪ it's so insane 'cause for all the rain ♪

♪ when you ask yourself "could you do it again?" ♪

♪ you betcha ♪

♪ for all the rain when you ask yourself ♪

♪ you betcha ♪

♪ I hear a voice say "you got no chance" ♪

♪ and it makes me mad and I shout ♪

♪ "oh yeah who says so?" ♪

♪ well of course not on the other hand ♪

♪ I guess so ♪

♪ ooh ♪

♪ suddenly she's crashing through my mind ♪

♪ like waves upon the shore ♪

♪ like waves upon the shore ♪

♪ and I nod my head whoa yes love ♪

♪ I'd welcome you again if you knocked upon my door ♪

♪ if you knocked upon my door ♪

♪ if you didn't I'd seek you out love ♪

♪ I'd track you down for sure like a thousand times before ♪

♪ like a thousand times before ♪

♪ whoa yes love I'd welcome you again ♪

♪ like you know I've did before ♪

[Audience applauding]

[♪♪♪]

No mail. Just a letter for keith.

Well, reuben, how was your date

with bonnie kleinschmidt last night?

Oh, that girl was a barrel of laughs.

We drank beer and sang prussian marching songs

all night long.

Oh, sounds very romantic.

Yeah, she looked so darn cute in that helmet.

[Clears throat]

Uh, may i have your attention, please?

I shall now do a dramatic reading for you.

Excerpts from the partridge papers.

Page 24, to be exact.

[Sighs]

Keith, give me my diary. Not a chance.

Keith... Never mind, mom.

He won't read it. Oh? hmm.

You don't know me too well.

Not while i have this letter for you, from cynthia.

Cynthia? you can't open my mail.

You read the diary, i read the letter.

[Clears throat]

"Dear diary." "dear... bootsie"?

I, uh... i wear boots a lot. Give me that letter.

No way. I'll trade.

Mm-mm. Anything that starts out with "dear bootsie"

has to be better than my diary.

[♪♪♪]

[Keith and laurie shouting indistinctly]

[♪ ♪♪ ♪♪]