Original subtitles

[G get get h get hap get happy get happy" get happy" pl get happy" play get happy" playin get happy" playing]

♪ Hello, world, hear the song that we're singing ♪

♪ come on, get happy ♪

♪ a whole lot of lovin' is what we'll be bringing ♪

♪ we'll make you happy ♪

♪ we had a dream we'd go traveling together ♪

♪ we'd spread a little love ♪

♪ and then we'll keep movin' on ♪

♪ something always happens whenever we're together ♪

♪ we get a happy feeling when we're singing a song ♪

♪ traveling along there's a song that we're singing ♪

♪ come on, get happy ♪

♪ a whole lot of lovin' is what we'll be bringing ♪

♪ we'll make you happy ♪

♪ we'll make you happy ♪

♪ we'll make you happy ♪

[♪♪♪]

Mom, someday can i sort clothes all by myself?

Sure, when you get old enough.

How will i know when i'm old enough?

When you don't want to do it.

Danny, all i need is a buck. No way.

You'd just squander it on cheap thrills.

There's a beautiful new girl in school

and she wants me to show her the town.

Now, i need a buck!

You're gonna show a girl the town on a dollar?

It's not that big a town.

Then i'll give you a nickel. Buy her a picture postcard.

Danny partridge. Yeah, mom.

This is a brand-new shirt and there are already

two buttons missing off the front.

Make him pay for a new one.

It's not my fault. Gloria hickey tore them off.

Who? Gloria hickey.

She's a girl in school and she hates me.

So she came up and ripped my buttons off.

Danny, i know gloria hickey.

You must have done something to her first.

Nothing.

Well, it was an accident.

I was walking along,

and suddenly, i discovered i had a ball of mud in my hand.

And i thought to myself:

"Boy, it sure is dumb for me to be holding this ball of mud."

So i tossed it away.

And you hit gloria right in the back of the head with it.

Boy, it was a great shot. Thanks a lot.

Why did you hit her with a mud ball?

I can't stand her and she's a creep.

Danny! I'll get it.

Danny!

Gloria! Hi, danny.

Listen, i'm sorry about hitting you in the head

with the mud ball.

That's okay. It was a great shot.

Did you come over to see me? No.

Oh. I came over to see your mom.

I'm selling cookies

and i thought she might wanna buy a box.

Well, you're talking to the right person.

I handle all the finances.

How much are they? A dollar a box.

Nothing to it. i'll just have to dip into petty cash.

[♪♪♪]

Shirley: Danny, who was at the door?

Uh, it was gloria hickey.

She came over to apologize

for tearing the buttons off my shirt.

Twelve boxes of cookies?

Looks like you came out on the short end of the apology.

Don't tell anybody i bought them.

Now, see what you made me do? Me?

Danny, what'd you break now?

Nothing. He dropped his cookies.

Where'd you get them?

He bought them from gloria hickey.

I didn't buy them. I mugged her.

Why would you buy all those cookies from a girl you can't...?

[♪♪♪]

I don't believe it. Danny's in love.

I am not in love.

She's ugly, she's got buck teeth and i never wanna see her again.

[♪♪♪]

He's in love, all right.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

Is danny really in love?

If he spent $12, he's in love.

If she likes danny, she ought to get a merit badge.

All right, that's enough.

I don't want you kids teasing him.

Having your first crush on a girl is tough enough

without you making it worse.

Mom, i've been waiting years for this.

No. understood?

I'm gonna have a talk with him.

Keith, well, what do 11-year-old kids do on a date?

I don't know. they can't neck. Danny doesn't have one.

Wish i'd have said that. Glad i did.

[♪♪♪]

Danny, i want to talk to you.

Danny: About what?

About gloria.

I hate gloria.

Then why did you buy all those cookies from her?

She gave me a good deal. It was strictly business.

Danny, every boy starts to like girls sooner or later.

It's nothing to be ashamed of.

But it couldn't be love, mom.

Love is beautiful and nice.

You know, you must've read about it.

A little.

Well, i don't feel any of that.

When i see gloria, i get this strange yearning inside.

What kind of yearning?

I don't wanna talk about it.

You'll think I'm some kind of "prevert."

Danny, I promise I won't think you're some kind of "prevert."

Well, when i see her, i get this yearning,

this uncontrollable desire to grab her

and run up and punch her in the arm.

It's not normal.

I've seen lots of movies

and not one of them does the hero run up

and punch the girl in the arm.

Danny, it isn't normal for adults,

but it's very normal for an 11-year-old boy.

It is?

It's a young boy's way of getting a girl's attention.

You mean i'm normal? Well, close.

Boy, does that take a load off my mind.

Mom, when i see gloria,

i also get another uncontrollable desire.

Oh?

Yeah, to ask her to the sixth-grade dance.

Well, then ask her. I can't. i'm afraid.

[♪♪♪]

Oh, honey.

[Knocking]

Come in.

Laurie, i know i've been rotten to you in the past.

Constantly.

And i hope you can forget all that,

because i'm about to bare my soul to you.

Oh? I'm involved with a woman.

A woman? are you talking about gloria hickey?

Now, let's leave personalities out of it.

I've been studying a lot of techniques to impress women,

and since you're a woman, sort of,

i thought i might try them out on you.

Sure. it might be educational.

Okay, method number one.

What are you doing? Ignoring you.

You know, playing hard to get. Oh.

If you ignore me, how are you gonna ask me out?

Maybe i ought to try method two. Why not?

Method number two. Ask me what's on my mind.

Okay, what's on your mind?

I can't tell you. Why?

Because i'm deep, dark and mysterious. women love it.

Wrong. Wrong?

Better try method number three.

I don't have a method number three.

Danny, if you're trying to get the girl's attention,

you're going about it all wrong.

Look, pretend i'm gloria. Why?

Well, talk to me like you talk to her.

And i'll point out your mistakes, okay?

Okay, but you have to turn your back.

I always walk up on her from behind.

Why do you do that?

Because if she sees me coming, she runs.

Okay.

[♪♪♪]

Hi, gloria.

Ow! danny, that was definitely a mistake.

I got your attention, didn't i?

[♪♪♪]

Well, danny finally got up enough nerve

to ask gloria to the dance.

I hope she's wearing shoulder pads.

Look, when he comes down,

i don't want you kids teasing him.

He's scared to death and if you tease him,

he's sure to back out.

[Clears throat]

[♪♪♪]

Tracy: you look funny. That does it. i'm not going.

Oh, now, wait a minute, danny.

Danny, there's nothing to be afraid of.

That's easy for you to say.

You've never had to ask a girl out.

But, danny, there's nothing to it.

Excuse us. It's time for man talk.

Come here.

Danny, if there's anything

you want to know about handling women,

and you want to get it from a real pro,

you know who to ask.

Yeah, but i already asked keith. he was no help.

I was talking about myself.

Mr. kincaid,

i know you're trying to make me feel better by making me laugh.

Bless you.

[♪♪♪]

Danny...

Look, danny, it's easy to ask a girl out,

especially for someone as brave as you.

Right. why, dazzle her with your impish grin and overpower...

Well, don't overpower.

Overwhelm her with your natural charm.

You really think i have natural charm?

Yeah, we don't talk about it because we're jealous.

I don't think you have charm.

Well, you're jealous.

That's the spirit.

Yeah, what's there to be afraid of?

I'll walk right up, look her straight in the eye and say:

"Gloria, i want you to go to the dance with me."

Good. [Doorbell rings]

I'll get it.

Gloria: Hi, danny.

I can't do it.

[♪♪♪]

Well, so much for natural charm. Let's go have some ice cream.

[Doorbell rings]

Hi, mrs. partridge. Hi, gloria.

I'm sorry if danny acted rather strange.

I didn't notice.

Oh. oh, come in.

Mrs. partridge, we're having a sixth-grade dance at school,

and the girls can ask the guys because the guys chicken out

and won't ask the girls, you know?

I certainly do.

Gloria, are you here to ask my brother out?

Yeah. do you think he'll go? Oh, i think he would.

In fact, i'm certain of it.

Really? i never dreamed it would come true.

I have such a crush on him. Why don't you ask him.

Between us women, he has a crush on you too.

I don't believe it. keith partridge has a crush on me?

[♪♪♪]

Poor danny. What are we gonna do?

I really don't know.

I've never been in a situation like this before.

I was once. I was in love with rose barker,

and she was in love with captain kangaroo.

Captain kangaroo?

Oh, she wasn't in love with the man.

She was in love with the image.

Hi.

[♪♪♪]

Why does everybody look so glum?

Keith, i'm afraid you have a big problem.

Oh, i do? Mm-hm.

Little gloria hickey's in love with you.

Is this a put-on? Afraid not, brother.

She's gonna ask you to the sixth-grade dance.

Poor danny. Does he know?

No, and i don't want him to know.

It would break his heart.

What am i gonna do?

Laurie, mom, mr. kincaid.

Home wrecker!

[♪♪♪]

I think he knows.

[♪♪♪]

Did you talk to danny?

I tried to last night. He just didn't want to talk.

I wish i could help him.

Oh, he'll get over it.

Kids forget those things pretty fast.

I hope so.

Boy, that does it. It's not fair.

I mean, i can understand a guy wanting revenge,

why must the innocent always suffer?

Keith, why are you walking around with a comb

sticking out of your head?

Why? i'll tell you why. It's stuck there for good.

Danny put molasses on it.

Yeah, well, it's not funny.

Not only did he mess with my head, he short-sheeted my bed.

Then, during the middle of the night,

he poured corn flakes all over me.

I didn't get any sleep at all.

I snapped, crackled and popped all night.

Poor danny. "Poor danny"?

You weren't the one who got breakfast in bed.

Keith, he thinks you stole his girlfriend.

Right, you're a home wrecker.

I am an innocent home wrecker.

Look, i can't get mad at him

because i understand the way he must feel,

but that still doesn't get the comb out of my hair.

All right, i'll go and talk to him.

No.

No, this is between me and danny.

I think it's about time we had a man-to-almost-man talk.

[♪♪♪]

[Knocking]

Danny, can i talk to you a minute?

Sure. why not? you won. You have the right to gloat.

I am not here to gloat.

Why? i'd gloat if i were you.

You have the most beautiful girl in the whole world

in love with you.

You're mr. lucky and i'm mr. loser.

Danny, i'm sorry this whole thing happened.

I can't accept your apology.

I'm not apologizing. I have nothing to apologize for.

Sure. it's not your fault

you stole my girlfriend from me.

It's not your fault you broke up a beautiful relationship.

It's not your fault i cry myself to sleep at night.

[♪♪♪]

Okay, yesterday i tried the mr. nice-guy approach

and it didn't work.

But something's gotta be done. What's wrong?

Last night danny snuck into my room again. look.

"Danny loves gloria"?

While i'm dreaming about native girls in tahiti,

that redheaded hamburger

is printing true confessions on my chest,

and he did it in indelible ink.

This situation is beginning to get out of hand. where is danny?

He's in the garage.

Danny, i wanna talk to you.

It won't do any good, mom.

I just have to reconcile myself

to the fact that i'll be miserable forever,

thanks to keith.

That isn't gonna help at all.

Honey...

As you get older, you'll find out that most of the time,

love doesn't work out the way you want it to.

And it does hurt.

It hurts like fury.

I'm sorry.

But, danny, you can't honestly blame keith.

I mean, you can't really believe

he's interested in little gloria.

That makes it all the worse.

To him, she's just another wild fling.

Oh, danny.

But she doesn't like me, mom.

I have to blame somebody.

[♪♪♪]

[Doorbell rings]

I'll get it. Okay.

[♪♪♪]

Hi, keith. Hi, gloria.

Uh, just a second.

Laurie, it's her. What do i do?

What do you do with girls in love with you?

Laurie, you have a dirty mind. She's 11 years old.

I could tell her you're not here. Laurie...

All right, there's only one thing to do.

Break the truth to her gently

and build danny up in the process.

She might get the hint. Good idea.

Come on in, gloria.

[♪♪♪]

Gloria, don't you think Danny's really a great guy?

He's icky. i love you, keith, and i know you love me too.

Laurie and your mom told me. They did?

Uh, excuse me, gloria.

You told her i loved her?

We thought she was talking about danny.

Thanks a lot. Now what do i do?

It's up to you.

I make it a point never to interfere

with other people's love lives.

So she thinks she likes keith. Does that mean you're giving up?

You don't call it giving up when the game's all over.

Well, i never thought i'd raise a quitter.

Who's a quitter? You are.

Danny, most things in life that people want

aren't just handed to them.

If you really want something, you have to keep trying.

You mean i should fight for gloria?

That's exactly what i mean.

I think you're right.

I'm gonna go over to gloria's house right now

and punch her in the arm.

[♪♪♪]

So i came over to ask you to go to the sixth-grade dance.

Gloria... miss hickey.

Miss hickey, i'd love to go to the dance with you but...

You long-haired hamburger,

that's my girlfriend you're asking out!

Danny, wait a minute. Leave me alone!

Danny, you don't understand. I understand enough!

What's going on?

A fight for the honor of a woman.

We are not fighting for the honor of a woman.

I'm not interested in her. She's 11 years old.

[♪♪♪]

Shirley: gloria! Miss hickey!

Now see what you've done?

[♪♪♪]

[Doorbell rings]

Gloria, come on in.

I guess you're here to see keith.

No, i'm here to see you.

Danny, i have to talk to you, alone.

We are alone. Oh, yeah.

Danny, i have a confession to make.

I'm not in love with keith anymore.

You're not? No.

Yesterday you were willing to fight for me, but he wouldn't.

He couldn't love me.

Well, i knew it all along.

I just wanted to break it to you gently.

You're so considerate. That's true.

And, danny? Yeah?

Would you take me to the dance tomorrow night?

[♪♪♪]

[Singing "i would have loved you anyway"]

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ ooh ♪

♪ you know that I've been watchin' you ♪

♪ for quite some time ♪

♪ tryin' to find a way of makin' you mine ♪

♪ long before you started a-comin' on strong with me ♪

♪ with a super charm that brought me down to see ♪

♪ hey, didn't you know that you've been actin' ♪

♪ like a movie star ♪

♪ and didn't you think I'd dig the person you are ♪

♪ no, you never really had to put on all that show ♪

♪ I decided when I met you a long long time ago ♪

♪ whoa whoa ♪

♪ I would have loved you anyway ♪

♪ I would have thought you were fine ♪

♪ I would have taken you any day ♪

♪ I still would try to make you mine ♪

♪ I would have loved you anyhow ♪

♪ I would have thought you were okay ♪

♪ just like I'm lovin' you here and now ♪

♪ tellin' ya I'll never go away go away ♪

♪ go away ♪

♪ So you never really had to put on all that show ♪

♪ I decided when I met you a long, long time ago ♪

♪ whoa whoa ♪

♪ I would have loved you anyway ♪

♪ I would have thought you were fine ♪

♪ I would have taken you any day ♪

♪ I still would try to make you mine ♪

♪ I would have loved you anyhow ♪

[Applause]

♪ I would have thought you were okay ♪

[Girls giggling]

No one wants an autograph from a home wrecker.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

Danny, tell us what you and gloria hickey did on your date.

No way. i told you, a gentleman doesn't discuss those things.

Can't you tell us just a little?

Laurie, you're a woman. I thought you'd understand.

Girls are also curious.

I can't betray my confidence.

Keith: Mm-hm. can i tell you why he

can't betray his confidence?

Because nothing happened. That's not true. a lot happened.

Like what?

Well, like when i was standing on one side

of the gym with the guys

and gloria was standing on the other side with the girls,

well, she finally came over and asked me to dance.

Why didn't you ask her to dance?

I was ignoring her.

A woman loves it when a guy ignores her.

Forget the dance. get to the good stuff, after the dance.

Well, after the dance, i walked her home.

It was a beautiful moonlit night, really romantic,

just like in the movies.

Don't tell me. You looked deep into her eyes.

Yeah, i did that.

Then you realized it was true love

and you reached for her,

and then you punched her in the arm.

Were you following me? Just a guess.

Well, you left out the best part. she punched me back.

I swear i'll never wash this shoulder again.

Why not? Because i can't lift my arm.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]