Original subtitles

[Pl play playin playing]

♪ Hello, world, hear the song that we're singing ♪

♪ come on, get happy ♪

♪ a whole lot of lovin' is what we'll be bringing ♪

♪ we'll make you happy ♪

♪ we had a dream we'd go traveling together ♪

♪ we'd spread a little love ♪

♪ and then we'll keep movin' on ♪

♪ something always happens whenever we're together ♪

♪ we get a happy feeling when we're singing a song ♪

♪ traveling along there's a song that we're singing ♪

♪ come on, get happy ♪

♪ a whole lot of lovin' is what we'll be bringing ♪

♪ we'll make you happy ♪

♪ we'll make you happy ♪

♪ we'll make you happy ♪

[♪♪♪]

Wake up, mom.

What is it, honey? Where's the eggs?

In the refrigerator, behind the leftover brussels sprouts.

Thank you.

Mom, where's the butter?

Refrigerator. top shelf.

Next to tracy's leftover peanut-butter sandwich.

Thank you.

Mom, where's the caviars?

We don't have any.

Thank you.

[♪♪♪]

Caviar?

[♪♪♪]

[Man singing indistinctly]

What's going on? Who's singing?

Whoever it is, it could use a vocal coach.

It could use a muffler. What's going on?

I'm not sure, but i think it has something to do with caviar.

Caviar?

Man: You sing it with me, okay?

[Singing in russian]

Sing it. sing it good. give it me some brandy. okay, sing.

Hi, mom.

Ah, good morning, kind, gracious, hospitable,

American, middle-class family.

Your breakfast is ready.

Who are you, and what are you doing in my kitchen?

We invited him in. Chris: yeah, he looked lonely,

lying out there in the gutter.

The gutter is not my living quarters.

I was merely painting your house number on the curb.

Oh. you must be the man from the home helper service.

I am nicholas minsky pushkin.

Since your charming children were so delightful

and invited me in,

i decided to make it for you a luxurious, authentic,

and very delicious russian breakfast.

[♪♪♪]

Please, sit down.

This morning, you are going to eat it like russians.

Just a second.

I dedicate this breakfast to you,

beautiful lady.

Behold.

Eggs, siberian style.

Ta-da.

Of course, i am world famous for this dish.

But then, i am world famous for many things.

Master chef, expert horseman.

Part-time cossack.

And of course, i am also known as a great artist.

You've probably heard of me.

Pushkin the magnificent?

Um, pushkin the peasant?

From pinsk?

Mr. pushkin,

you can't just come into someone's home

and fix yourself breakfast.

Oh, i did not do this for myself. i did this for you.

Sometimes my enthusiastic-ness over-bubbles.

I'm very sorry. I will... I will go now.

Thank you for your hospitality.

Wait, I... I wasn't asking you to leave.

It's just... what I meant was,

you should ask before you fix breakfast.

I... I never thought for to ask to do it, a good deed.

You are very wise lady.

[♪♪♪]

Please. wait.

Sit down. It would make you happy?

We'd be overcome with joy.

In that case, you got it, a deal.

Eat up, eat up, more. Because there's so much.

I got the borscht, what you never had before of.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

Oh, nicholas, that was a great breakfast.

Yeah. i hope it didn't ruin my appetite for lunch.

Thank you for sharing your food with me.

I must repay you.

Oh, wait. There's nothing to repay us for.

But you treated me to a meal by a world-famous chef.

But you're the world-famous chef.

Then you have heard of me.

Then you've probably also heard i always repay a kindness.

I may be a peasant, but i'm not a bum.

Nicholas, really.

Maybe you got some kind of odd jobs what needed to be done.

No, we really don't. Sure, we do.

He can clean out the garage and mow the lawn.

Danny, those are your jobs.

I was just trying to help the man out.

Say, mom, he could fix the windows that are stuck.

Keith, i asked you to do that.

Say no more. i will unstuck the wonderful windows

of this wonderful family.

[Singing in russian]

Mom, do you get the feeling

you've discovered a charming frankenstein?

Was the frankenstein monster russian?

His arm was. His foot was hungarian, i think.

[♪♪♪]

See, the monster was made up of a lot of different people.

Guess you had to be there.

[♪♪♪]

Hi. anybody home?

Uh, who are you? Never mind who are i.

Who are you?

And how come you don't knock it on the door

from this wonderful family

before you come into their very private house?

Well, i won't do it again. Oh, kind lady.

I find this beady-eyed man sneaking in the house.

Nicholas, he's our friend. Friend?

Not only that, i am their manager.

Oh, friend and mangler.

Any friend from the partridges is a good friend from mine.

Oh, kind lady, i'm going now for to unstuck the windows.

Good to meet it. A good friend, beady-eyed man.

I liked it better when we were enemies. who was that?

His name is nicholas minsky pushkin from pinsk.

Uh-huh.

Reuben, he arrived here this morning

and offered his many talents in exchange for breakfast.

Oh, i see. A freeloader.

No, he's not a freeloader.

He offered to repay us.

Repay you for what?

Not sure. This one works.

Nicholas, that window wasn't stuck.

No?

It is now.

But don't worry. i have the strength of ten kholmiakis.

And i will...

Fix the broken glass.

[♪♪♪]

That's it. i have unstuck all your wonderful windows.

Hey, that's great. Works like it's brand-new.

Nicholas, thank you very much. It's very nice of you.

That was nothing for pushkin the magnificent, beautiful ladies.

Good night to you both, and i will see you tomorrow morning.

Tomorrow?

To fix it, the chair.

What chair? The chair i broke

when i stood on it for to fix it, the window i broke.

But don't worry your pretty heads about it.

I am an expert at fixing chairs too.

Good night, gracious, warm,

kind, middle-class american family.

[Singing in russian]

[♪♪♪]

Nicholas: Hello, beautiful family.

But where are you going?

We have a concert this weekend. But you can't go.

I got to fix it, the things i broke. i got an obligation.

But you fixed the chair perfectly.

What about the ladder? What ladder?

The one i used to reach the nails to fix it, the chair.

One of the legs got stuck in the garbage disintegrator.

But i could fix it. Oh, there's no need for that.

It was an old ladder. we were gonna throw it away anyway.

Was it an old garbage disintegrator?

[♪♪♪]

Nicholas, believe me, don't worry.

You... you've done more for us than we deserve already.

But i can't leave a debt unpaid.

Shirley: Goodbye, and thank you for everything.

Bye. Goodbye, kind lady.

She thanks me. for what?

[♪♪♪]

[Applause]

[Soft music playing]

♪ Last night I couldn't fall asleep ♪

♪ because I wanted to keep on thinkin' of you ♪

♪ last night I was flyin' high ♪

♪ I was happy, I was happy ♪

♪ last night you told me something ♪

♪ that I won't forget if I should live forever ♪

♪ last night you said you loved me ♪

♪ and it gave me fever and I thought it over ♪

♪ baby ♪

♪ my baby ♪

Family: ♪ ooh, baby ♪

All: ♪ when you are there I'm aware ♪

♪ that I must be dreaming ♪

♪ when you are near ♪

♪ I can hear my body screaming ♪

♪ never let me go, honey, never let me go, baby ♪

♪ never let me go, never ever ever let me go ♪

♪ last night I couldn't fall asleep ♪

♪ because I wanted to keep on thinkin' of you ♪

Family: ♪ last night ♪

♪ last night I was flyin' high ♪

♪ I was happy, I was happy ♪

♪ last night you told me something ♪

♪ that I won't forget if I should live forever ♪

♪ last night you said you loved me ♪

♪ and it gave me fever and I thought it over ♪

♪ baby ♪

Family: ♪ ooh, baby ♪

♪ my baby ♪

Family: ♪ ooh, baby ♪

All: ♪ when you are there I'm aware ♪

♪ that I must be dreaming ♪

♪ when you are near... ♪

Keith: Oh, no.

Shirley: Is something wrong?

Keith: I see nicholas' truck.

And his tent.

And i bet anything nicholas goes with them.

[♪♪♪]

Ah, beautiful american family.

Shirley: Nicholas, what are you doing here?

I figured out a way to repay you.

I painted your garage.

It is a masterpiece.

Well, it can't be too bad.

Garages are pretty hard to break.

Come and see. the beauty of it will clear your bloodshot,

middle-class eyes. come with me.

Reuben: why is it covered? I told you. it's a masterpiece.

A masterpiece must be unveiled.

[♪♪♪]

I don't believe it.

That's my kind of garage.

[♪♪♪]

[ [♪ [♪♪ [♪♪♪ [♪♪♪]

Mom, you told us always keep the garage door closed.

Adults have no sense of humor.

Thank heavens for the garage door.

For why you raise the door?

Now it's only half a masterpiece.

Nicholas, i think you and i should go inside the house

and have a little talk about your masterpiece.

[♪♪♪]

Tell me, what is wrong with my painting?

It doesn't belong on a garage.

Is it dirty?

Honey, it isn't dirty.

The human body is beautiful. There's nothing wrong with it.

Good. then i'll go lower the door.

But it doesn't belong on a garage.

You're asking me to paint it over, a pushkin original?

Look at it this way, Nicholas.

You can paint another pushkin original.

Only this time, make it yellow with white trim.

But i am a world-famous painter.

People pay fantastic prices for one of my paintings.

Oh, forget it, shirley.

You're dealing with a man who is suffering

from delusions of grandeur.

I refuse it, to paint over my masterpiece.

Hey, there's a crowd outside.

A crowd?

[♪♪♪]

Everybody loves a sexy garage.

The garage door is down.

Hey, you kids, get away from that garage door.

I'll go open the door. No, you don't.

Just trying to lend a helping hand.

I knew it. everybody comes for to see the pushkin original.

I didn't realize everybody know about my work.

Reuben: This is gonna be great publicity.

The first family on the block to have an x-rated garage.

Don't worry, reuben, it isn't going to stay there.

[Doorbell ringing]

Don't answer it. It's probably a raid.

Hello, mrs. partridge. Hello, mr. phelps.

How could you put that

disgusting thing out there with...?

Now, mr. phelps, let me handle this.

Shirley, i don't know as if you realize it,

but there's a 24-foot lady on your garage

with 3 and a half feet of clothing.

Yes, mrs. monahan. i know.

Oh, well, we...

These gracious people and i, we were wondering...

Look, enough of this sweet talk.

Mrs. partridge, you have 20 minutes

to do something about that or...

What mr. phelps means is that we were wondering

how long it would be before something might be done.

Mrs. monahan, mr. phelps, i am trying to do exactly...

Nineteen minutes left, mrs. partridge.

You need help, kind lady? This is the, uh, artist?

And i use the term loosely.

Da, and that is my masterpiece.

Did you hear that? A russki.

I should have known. he's after the minds of our children.

Nicholas didn't mean any harm.

And you call yourself a mother?

Now, just a moment.

May the locust of misfortune

fly into one of your ears and out the other.

Did you hear that? That... that russki swore at me.

Well, mrs. partridge, i...

I don't like the kind of company that you keep.

And i don't like the kind of company

i'm keeping right now. Goodbye.

I knew you would see it my way, kind lady.

I knew you would not paint over a great painting like that.

I'm still gonna paint over it.

I just didn't want them telling me what to do.

Keith, go to the hardware store and get some paint.

Mom, this is sunday.

Oh, that's right.

All right, kids, we're gonna have to work in shifts

until tomorrow. Doing what?

Keeping an eye on that garage to make sure the door stays up.

Great. i'll go take the first shift.

Forget it. you're the one we'll be watching.

Well, it was worth a try.

[♪♪♪]

Well, i told you we had to watch him.

He was about to charge a kid 50 cents to pull down the door.

What can i say, i'm a businessman at heart.

Kids, leave that garage door up.

Go back out and keep an eye on... On the garage door.

You keep an eye on him. Okay, come on.

The world doesn't appreciate great art anymore.

I am going to drown it, my sorrows.

Could i have the glass milk? In the kitchen.

[♪♪♪]

We can paint over the garage.

I found my crayons. And i found a man.

Kids, we can't cover the garage with crayons. who are you?

My name is sioux.

A boy named sue?

S-i-o-u-x.

It's a nickname. you see,

i'm a quarter sioux indian so they call me sioux.

What do you want? I'm a reporter for the free life

and i was wondering if maybe...

Shirley, the free life is one of those terrible,

underground newspapers.

Sioux: Hey, don't call names.

That ain't humpty dumpty on your garage, you know.

It's not my garage. It's hers.

Look, mr. sioux, i think it might...

You should not be talking to anybody from that newspaper,

especially a guy named sioux.

Reuben, i'll handle this. Sioux: thank you.

I guess you know your neighbors are pretty upset.

Oh, it's hard to miss.

Did you know that some are thinking

about having you and the artist arrested?

Shirley: Arrested?

Look, i'll admit our garage is a little out of the ordinary,

but the painting is not in bad taste.

Who cares about taste?

Do you realize what this kind of publicity could do to us?

We'll be lucky to get a gig at the pussycat lounge.

Laurie: Mom?

Mom, what's wrong with nicholas?

What do you mean?

I saw him run to his truck and take off.

So he ran out on us. Figures.

Hey, you must be danny and laurie.

My name's sioux. Oh, glad to...

[♪♪♪]

Mom, there's even more people out there than before.

You left the garage unguarded?

Yeah, but i thought you ought to know what's going on.

Hey, you kids, leave that door alone.

Uh-oh. mr. phelps and some other people

are starting to gather across the street.

And they don't look too friendly.

They're starting to come this way.

And they're armed. Armed?

Yes. they each have a bucket of paint.

Why couldn't i take a nice safe job?

Like milking cobras.

All right, mr. phelps. That's far enough.

All right, mrs. partridge. This is it.

We're taking matters into our own hands.

It's our duty to protect the community.

You're not gonna paint my garage.

You have five different colors of paint there.

Look who's suddenly worried about taste.

Well, now, couldn't we settle this over a nice cup of tea?

Must we always lash out with multicolored paint?

We're gonna get rid of that... That painted lady.

Please, please.

Leave it alone. i like it.

Step aside, mrs. partridge. We're coming through.

Leave our mommy alone. Danny: yeah.

We're not lowering the door for less than 50 cents.

[Siren wailing]

Well, at last we'll get a little action.

[♪♪♪]

Danny: mr. pushkin. You saved it, my masterpiece.

You are a wonderful lady.

We thought you ran out on us. Me, run out?

Do i look like a beaded-eyed fink?

Present company exceptionalized.

I went to get mr. hensley,

the "curatatator" from the rothschild museum from art.

You're kidding.

Shirley: is that true? Yes.

And after inspecting this painting

i'm convinced that you really are nicholas minsky pushkin.

From pinsk.

You mean this man really is a famous artist?

Well, at least extremely well-known in artistic circles.

I'll have to die before everyone knows i'm a genius.

You mean this painting is...? It's a real painting?

It's a masterpiece. And worth a lot of money.

Mr. pushkin,

how would you like to do a mural on my wagon?

Look, we don't want this kind of a masterpiece

in our kind of neighborhood.

Well, of course it's up to you, mrs. partridge,

but you simply cannot paint over this lady.

It really is a masterpiece.

[♪♪♪]

I know.

But i can't leave this lady on my garage.

There you are, mrs. partridge.

Thank you very much, mr. hensley.

Wow, look at all those zeros.

I think i'm gonna break out in a rash.

There's still one thing i can't get over.

What's that?

I never thought i'd see my garage hanging in a museum.

[♪♪♪]

[]

Nicholas, i'm gonna keep just enough money

to have the garage fixed.

But the rest of it belongs to you.

Oh, i could not take it, fair lady. you are so nice to me.

Nobody's that nice.

Beady-eyed, you got a point there.

What are you gonna do with it?

Well, my first responsibility is as an artist.

And an artist must suffer.

How can you suffer with all that money?

I have a great plan that will cause me excruciating pain.

I will take this money and go to las vegas.

Mom, how come i can look at the garage here

and i couldn't at home?

Well,

because now it's a work of art.

Why wasn't it a work of art at home?

Well, then, we didn't know it was a work of art.

And sometimes we don't know if something's good

until someone tells us.

I... I liked her even before she was art.

You got it, good taste. Yeah.

[♪♪♪]

[♪ ♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪]