Original subtitles

[The partridge family's "Come on get happy" Playing]

♪ hello, world, hear the song that we're singing ♪

♪ come on, get happy ♪

♪ a whole lot of lovin' is what we'll be bringing ♪

♪ we'll make you happy ♪

♪ we had a dream we'd go traveling together ♪

♪ we'd spread a little love ♪

♪ and then we'll keep movin' on ♪

♪ something always happens whenever we're together ♪

♪ we get a happy feeling when we're singing a song ♪

♪ traveling along there's a song that we're singing ♪

♪ come on, get happy ♪

♪ a whole lot of lovin' is what we'll be bringing ♪

♪ we'll make you happy ♪

♪ we'll make you happy ♪

♪ we'll make you happy ♪

[♪♪♪]

Ahh. Milstead: I see.

What is it, Dr. Milstead? It's not a strep throat, is it?

No, it's nothing like that.

See? I told you, mom. It's just a simple sore throat.

When did you graduate from medical school, young fellow?

Well, I didn't, but I watch Marcus welby on TV a lot.

Oh, that's good, that's good.

Shirley, I, um...

I hate to disagree with my noted colleague here,

but I'm afraid it's not just a simple sore throat.

[♪♪♪]

What's wrong, Dr. Milstead?

Level with me. I can take it.

Well, all right, Danny, I'll level with you.

Your tonsils have to come out.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

When's Danny going to the hospital?

Next weekend.

How's he taking it? Great.

I wish he enjoyed doing his homework as much.

No kidding?

Hmm, boy, I was scared to death when I had my tonsils out.

Now that's just the thing

I don't want you saying to Danny.

He's not afraid now,

and I don't want him to be, so cool it.

Don't worry, mom.

If you want us to, we'll even be nice to him.

I want you to.

Well, I'm sorry he's having his tonsils taken out,

but there is a good side to it. Oh?

He may not be able to talk for days.

The doctor leveled with me.

He said, "Danny, old chap,

this is an extremely dangerous operation.

Can you handle it?"

and I said, "Dr. Milstead,

I can take anything you can dish out.

Just give me a bullet to bite on."

and then I laughed. "Ha-ha! "

why did you laugh?

Because I was laughing in the face of danger.

Like I told the doctor, I laughed when I fought

the seven-headed dragon of margar.

Your danger means nothing to me.

I heard that line on TV last night.

When Hercules fights the lost continent.

Well, probably so.

Hercules and I are cut out of the same cloth.

Did Hercules have his tonsils out?

No, that's the difference between us, Tracy.

Hercules chickened out.

What would you like to have for dinner tonight?

Stuffed bell peppers or tuna casserole?

Um, I don't know.

Why don't you let Danny decide? You said to be nice to him.

That's a good idea. Danny? Yeah, mom.

We decided to let you pick what we'll have for dinner tonight.

Me?

If I had my choice,

I'd get a big batch of tacos from the chili hobble.

[Sighs]

How about that?

I have a craving for tacos myself.

With hot sauce and lots of onions?

Yeah.

You must have been reading my mind.

Well, that sounds great.

Tacos?

Oh, mom, isn't that carrying nice too far?

Be thankful we didn't let him order breakfast.

Hey, Keith, you wanna play another game of croquet?

Oh, I can't, Danny.

I'm going over to Bonnie's house.

You're just copping out because you know I'll win.

Grandma can hit a ball harder than you.

[Sighs]

You're a great little player. A real credit to the game.

[♪♪♪]

Wait a minute.

Hey. Why didn't you insult me back?

I do something to hurt your feelings?

[♪♪♪]

[Knocking on door]

Come in, punky.

Mrs. Partridge, you look simply ravishing.

Truly a vision of beauty.

Why, thank you.

Do you know, punky, it's an amazing coincidence

how you always show up when I'm baking cookies.

Cookies? You're making cookies? Chocolate chip. Have one.

I hope you don't think I just came over

for some chocolate chip cookies.

I'll have two. Danny's upstairs.

Don't stay too long.

He's having his tonsils out in a few days

and he has to get some rest. Okay.

[♪♪♪]

[Laughing]

[Knocking on door]

Come in.

Hi, Danny.

Oh, hi, punky.

Guess what, I'm getting my tonsils out.

I know. Your mother told me.

Did she tell you how brave I was when I found out?

She didn't mention that. Oh.

Well, the doctor leveled with me.

He said, "Danny, old chap,

this is an extremely dangerous operation.

Can you handle it?"

and I said, "Dr. Milstead, I can take anything

you can dish out.

Just give me a bullet to bite on."

and then I laughed. "Ha-ha!"

you know why I laughed?

You were laughing in the face of danger.

Yeah, right.

I told the doctor, "I laughed when I fought

the seven-headed dragon of margar."

your danger means nothing to me. Your danger means nothing to me.

Great movie. Yeah.

Well, Hercules and I have a lot in common.

I'm glad, old friend.

You'll need all the courage you can muster.

I know. I've been through it myself.

You have? Yes.

And I bet they offered you

all the ice cream you could eat, didn't they?

Yeah. How did you know?

One mousetrap will catch a number of different mice.

And everybody's been nice to you lately, haven't they?

Yeah, they have. Explain that away.

I can't.

They want to lull you into a false sense of security.

Boy, and they said it was a simple operation.

Dangerous, but simple. Sure. They wanna play it down.

But when I had my tonsils out,

it was one of the most harrowing experiences of my life.

The doctor gave me a bullet, and I bit it in half.

No kidding? Would I kid a buddy?

[♪♪♪]

Boy, they even let me have tacos for dinner.

They always let a condemned man order his last meal.

[♪♪♪]

[Knocking on door]

Danny? Yeah, mom. Come on in.

Honey, get up off that cold floor.

Okay.

You've been in your room for hours.

Is your throat really bothering you?

No. Mom...

[♪♪♪]

Well, I know you didn't tell me the truth.

I didn't? About getting my tonsils out.

I have it from a very reliable source that it...

Well, it might be the most harrowing experience of my life.

Maybe even worse. What reliable source?

Punky lazaar.

I see. You went right to the top.

Well, punky had his tonsils out. He should know.

Danny, I'm not saying

that punky isn't telling you the truth.

But sometimes people exaggerate just a little

to make a story more interesting.

Okay, if you're not kidding me. Because I can take the truth.

I'm telling you the truth.

Now, I want you to put this out of your mind.

It's just a simple operation.

Now come on downstairs and watch a little TV.

[♪♪♪]

[On TV] Have you told your son the truth yet, Mrs. Cartares?

I know it's difficult. He's so young.

Well, maybe it is better

if he does think it's only a simple operation.

The truth won't make the end any easier.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

Troops, atten-hut!

Okay, you all know why you're here.

I'm looking for a replacement in the group for me.

Good luck, and may the best man win.

Not tall enough.

Not short enough.

No. You don't have my classical nose.

Yeah, you have the right twinkle in your eye,

but you don't have my impish grin.

Danny? Yeah, mom?

[♪♪♪]

What's going on here?

Nothing.

Just a few friends of mine

dropped in from school to say hello.

Really?

Looks like a visit from the farkle family.

What are you hiding? Nothing. See? Look. Nothing.

Danny.

All right.

"wanted for musical group:

"11 year-old, red-headed, freckle-faced boy.

"must be good-looking and have impish grin.

"must love children, dogs, and his country."

Danny.

Uh, troops, left face!

Forward, march!

[Boys singing "America the beautiful"]

♪ o beautiful for spacious skies ♪

♪ for Amber waves of grain ♪

what was that?

Well, my ad said they had to love their country.

I guess they're trying to prove

they're worthy of my job.

Danny partridge.

Mom, I was only trying to help the family.

I was looking for a replacement

in case something did happen to me.

Something is going to happen to you

if you ever pull a stunt like this again.

Understood? Understood.

But I still feel bad about one thing though.

Oh? I realize now how hard it's going to be

for you guys to replace me.

[♪♪♪]

Danny, come on.

You have to be at the hospital in a few minutes.

Look, Danny's frightened about going to the hospital,

so everyone please...

Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. We'll be nice to him.

Look, don't be nice to him.

That's one of the reasons he's afraid.

Just treat him normally. Be rotten to him.

Well, I don't get it.

A few days ago it didn't bother him at all.

Yeah, well a few days ago the operation was a few days away.

Now he's got it in his head... Chris: Hi, Danny.

[♪♪♪]

Looks like he's walking the last mile.

He thinks he is.

Hey, Danny.

I know the only reason you're going to the hospital

is because you're afraid

to play me another game of croquet, right?

Nice try, Keith. I appreciate it.

Aren't you gonna insult me or something?

I don't want you to remember me like that.

Okay.

Uh, Danny, got a present for you.

Let's see.

It's the latest issue of us finance and monetary report.

Thanks.

What's the matter?

You, you already have that issue?

Oh, no. It's just...

Well, I've come to realize that money isn't everything.

The best things in life are free.

Think about it.

[♪♪♪]

Let's go, Danny. Okay.

Laurie, I want you to have all my books.

My spider-man comics, my monster magazines.

Everything is yours. Danny.

Danny, this is only a simple operation.

Thanks.

But you always were a bad liar.

Danny: Tracy.

Tracy, I... I want you to have my one share of at&T.

What's that?

Chris, I want you to have my catcher's mitt.

Every time you catch a ball, think of me.

I will.

Good boy.

And, Keith.

I'm gonna give you the most valuable thing of all.

You don't have to pay me the $2 you owe me.

All heart, kid.

And, Mr. Kincaid? Yeah?

God bless you.

Let's go.

Goodbye, living room. I had a lot of fun in you.

Goodbye, dining room. I ate, and drank and was merry in you.

Let's go.

Goodbye, house.

[Laughing]

Oh, poor little guy.

Yeah. You know, he's gonna be very embarrassed

when he finds out he's gonna survive.

Yeah. He'll have to say hello to the living room,

the dining room, and the house.

Yeah, well, there's one good thing.

I don't owe him that 2 bucks anymore.

I'm surprised he didn't say goodbye to the garage.

Danny: Goodbye, garage.

[Sighing]

[♪♪♪]

[Danny moaning]

Honey, it's mother. You're okay.

Mom. Don't try and talk.

The doctor said your voice would be raspy for a few days,

but you're okay. [Whispering] What?

I am okay. Of course.

I told you it was just a simple operation.

Mom. You're not supposed to talk.

It's important.

Please, you'll strain your voice.

I have to.

Tell Keith I want my $2 back.

[Strums guitar]

Is this how it goes?

[Sings]

♪ doo Dee da doo Dee da ♪

no, no, no, no. Listen. It goes:

[Playing guitar]

[Singing]

♪ doo doo-doo-doo-doo doo ♪

♪ doo doo doo-doo-doo-doo doo ♪

[sighs]

This is no way to have a rehearsal.

Mom, when is Danny gonna get out of bed

so we can have a real rehearsal?

It's been over a week.

I thought kids recovered from tonsillectomies

in a few days? They do.

Then why does he just lie in bed

and act like he just missed being a survivor?

He claims he isn't feeling well.

But I think he just likes being waited on.

Sure, why not?

He's got a good thing going.

Well, not for long.

I think it's time that the waiter had

a little talk with the waitee.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

Danny, we'd like to rehearse now.

How about it?

Fine. You guys go ahead. What about you?

Uh, I don't feel up to it.

Danny, the doctor examined you and said you're fully recovered.

[Sighs]

I figured I'd have to tell you eventually.

Might as well be now.

What is it?

Well, the operation did something to my voice.

I can't sing anymore. What?

It's true. Listen.

Danny's voice [on recorder]: Danny partridge voice test, take 16.

[Danny voice singing and cracking on recorder]

♪ I woke up in love this morning ♪

♪ I woke up in love this morning ♪

see? It's gone.

I guess you're just gonna have to get a replacement for me.

When did you record that?

Two days after I got home from the hospital.

You could barely talk, let alone sing.

Danny, that was 10 days ago.

There's nothing wrong with your voice now.

Maybe my speaking voice has improved...

But not my singing voice.

Danny, you've got it into your head that you can't sing,

but it isn't true.

[Sighs] You can sing if you want to.

Mom, I do wanna sing. Why wouldn't I want to?

Because you've been listening to yourself

on those tapes and it's frightened you.

Honey, you can't do anything right when you're afraid.

Me? Afraid? Why, I laugh in the face of danger. Ha-ha!

Then why won't you come and rehearse with us?

[♪♪♪]

Because I need a little rest, mom.

And it has nothing to do with me being afraid.

He can't sing? No, he won't sing.

He tried to sing too soon when he got out of the hospital,

and he couldn't.

Now he thinks he can't and there's nothing wrong with him.

So he's psyched himself out, right?

That's a twist.

He usually psyches everyone else out.

He's the spirit of competition personified.

Yes, he is, isn't he.

Well, if he can be psyched out,

maybe he can be psyched back in again.

[♪♪♪]

Danny, we have great news. You don't have to worry

about us filling the gap you left anymore.

Just put your mind at ease.

Why should I put my mind at ease?

Well, because Reuben found a kid to replace you.

Isn't that great? Yeah. Great.

Ah, don't thank me. I... I was just doing my job.

Found the kid for the gipper.

He's very talented. He sings higher notes than I do.

You should hear his low notes. What a voice range.

I'm glad he has a good voice.

But I bet he can't play the bass though.

Plays the bass even better than he sings.

On those old beatle records

it wasn't really Paul McCartney that was playing.

The new guy? Yeah.

And he was only 4 years old.

Boy, it's always nice to have talent.

But personality's the important thing.

Ah, loaded with personality.

Tousled red hair, impish grin. Twinkle in his eye.

And his nose? It's classic.

Not only that, but he loves children, dogs and his country.

He's exactly the type you were looking for

when you held auditions. Yeah,

and he's handsome and you're ugly.

Uh, he'll be back in a few minutes.

Would you like to come down and watch us rehearse?

Yeah... uh, no, thank you.

I mean, I'd like to, yeah, but, um,

I think I better get some rest.

All right, you better take a nap.

We wouldn't want to disturb you.

Come on, gang.

[Coughing]

[♪♪♪]

All right, where is this great new superstar anyway?

He'll be along. Yeah.

How about that? Here he comes now.

[Plays rim shot]

Oh, Mrs. Partridge, you're a vision to behold.

An oasis in this barren desert of mediocrity.

Why thank you, punky.

I just wanted you to know that I'm as pleased as punch...

Look, give me my bass. Punky: What?

You may be able to charm my mom out of a few cookies,

but it's not gonna work with my bass.

Cookies? Did someone mention cookies?

In the kitchen, punky.

And get my costume off!

I'll need it to perform in.

[Playing "Love is all that I ever needed"]

♪ what did I want well I just didn't know ♪

♪ so each day I kept picking up and moving on ♪

♪ from town to town ♪

♪ how did it feel? Well it felt so unreal ♪

♪ to not know where you're gonna be ♪

♪ or what you'll see what will I be? ♪

♪ Then, just when I least expect it ♪

♪ well, there she was and I found me ♪

♪ and one night of holding you told me what I had to see ♪

♪ made me want more than me ♪

♪ love is all that I ever needed ♪

♪ all that I ever needed ♪

♪ it's time I opened up to greet it ♪

♪ this time it could be ♪

♪ and since she looked at me that's all it took to see ♪

♪ love is all that I needed ♪

♪ all I ever needed ♪

♪ having you here and holding you near ♪

♪ well, there's nothing that I'd rather do ♪

♪ than be with you I like what you do ♪

♪ I know what I've seen and there's no in-between ♪

♪ with you I've got a home and there's no moving on ♪

♪ from town to town ♪

♪ oh, just when I least expect it ♪

♪ well there she was and I found me ♪

♪ and one night of holding you showed me what I had to see ♪

♪ made me want more than me ♪

♪ love is all that I ever needed ♪

♪ all that I ever needed ♪

♪ it's time I opened up to greet it ♪

[applause]

[♪♪♪]

You know,

I think that tonsillectomy did change your voice.

Tonight you sang all right. Laurie: Yeah.

You almost did as well as punky lazaar.

Danny: Oh, yeah.

Mom, you weren't really gonna let

punky take my place, were you?

Well, he does love children, dogs, and his country.

Besides, he has charm.

Yeah, that's just like a woman.

To fall for charm.

Mom, I'm sort of hungry.

Do you mind if I make a sandwich?

Now that you mention it,

I could go for a bite to eat too.

You all ate dinner,

and I don't wanna clean up that mess in the morning.

[♪♪♪]

Oh, Mrs. Partridge, you look radiant tonight.

Truly a vision of loveliness.

And your eyes are like pools of water reflecting the sky.

And that alabaster skin...

Oh, yes, and your carriage is that of a Princess.

And your dignity is that of a queen.

Laurie.

Well, I can go for a salami sandwich myself.

[Chuckling]

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]