Original subtitles

[The partridge family's "Come on get happy" Playing]

♪ hello, world, hear the song that we're singing ♪

♪ come on, get happy ♪

♪ a whole lot of lovin' is what we'll be bringing ♪

♪ we'll make you happy ♪

♪ we had a dream we'd go traveling together ♪

♪ we'd spread a little love ♪

♪ and then we'll keep movin' on ♪

♪ something always happens whenever we're together ♪

♪ we get a happy feeling when we're singing a song ♪

♪ traveling along there's a song that we're singing ♪

♪ come on, get happy ♪

♪ a whole lot of lovin' is what we'll be bringing ♪

♪ we'll make you happy ♪

♪ we'll make you happy ♪

♪ we'll make you happy ♪

[♪♪♪]

Oh, no. What is it this time?

Keith: Too much salt. Not enough pepper.

It's just the right amount of salt,

and the right amount of pepper.

Look, I have been cooking outdoors since I was 10.

I didn't know they had barbecues in those days.

Sure, they did. That was before they had stoves.

One great thing about the good old days,

children were seen and not heard.

I'd like to hear more about the good old days.

I'm fascinated by ancient history.

Keith: Yeah. What was the greatest invention of your time, Reuben?

The airplane? The radio? The house?

The muzzle.

Chefs can be pretty temperamental.

You kids better leave Reuben alone.

Don't ask them to leave me alone.

Ask them to get out of my life.

Here, kid, do your thing.

Mail call!

You've been watching too many war movies.

Chris, letter.

Laurie, seed catalogue from Chicago.

Keith, love letter.

How do you know it's a love letter?

It's written in crayon.

Laurie, letter.

Letter mailed to the wrong address.

That's it.

Danny, I think that last letter's for me.

What? It's addressed to a Shirley renfrew.

I used my maiden name,

so as not to draw attention to myself.

Hmm. Using your maiden name, huh?

Plain brown envelope too.

What did you send away for? Hey, I've been accepted.

Accepted as what? A student.

[♪♪♪]

I'm going back to college.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

Poor mommy.

Who's making her go to school?

No one. She wants to.

Why would anybody want to unless their mother made them?

I'm late. Gotta go.

First you have to eat breakfast. I'm late.

You can't do your best unless you eat.

Shirley: I don't have time.

Sure, you do.

I got up early this morning and set your clock ahead.

That's pretty sneaky. It sure is.

You've been doing it to me for years.

Now, eat slowly. Don't gulp down all your food.

Yeah, drink all your coffee. It's good for you.

I wonder if you going to college is such a good idea.

I don't think one little psychology course

is gonna take up that much time.

Well, campuses are a hotbed of radicals.

I'm afraid you'll get mixed up

in some kind of protest march.

I thought you had to be over 30 to be that establishment.

Maybe it's inches instead of years.

Look, I'm gonna stay

out of the limelight as much as possible.

That's why I enrolled under my maiden name.

Oh, we want you to know that we think it's great, mom.

I'm glad.

Just had a need to broaden my horizons a little, that's all.

Keith: Oh, that's just an excuse.

Admit it, we're getting too smart for you.

You certainly are.

[♪♪♪]

Look, I really do have to go. Goodbye, kids.

Laurie: Bye. Here's a present, mom.

Oh, a color book and crayons. Thank you, Tracy.

It will give you something to do

on your blanket during rest period.

Goodbye, sweetie pie. Goodbye, kids.

Goodbye, mom. Come straight home from school.

Chris: Don't take candy from strangers.

Look both ways before crossing the street.

Necessity is the mother of invention.

[♪♪♪]

Oh. Oh, boy.

Wait a minute. Are you, uh, women's lib?

No. All right, then I'll do it.

I'd have picked them up right away,

but I tried to pick up a girl's books last week

and she stepped all over my hand.

Scratched my school ring and everything.

I don't blame you for being cautious.

Oh, it's psychology 1A. I'm taking that class.

Oh, great, then I can follow you.

Maybe I won't get lost again.

I came here early just to get organized,

but the campus is so big.

Yeah. Then this is your first semester?

I have a confession to make: My first class.

Look, do you think maybe I could buy you

a cup of coffee or something?

Oh, thank you.

[♪♪♪]

Here you go.

Oh, by the way, I'm Paul. Paul bruner.

Shirley... renfrew.

Glad to know you, Shirley.

Shirley: School certainly has changed since I first went,

way back then.

Oh, I bet it wasn't that long ago.

Let me put it to you this way.

Where is the malt shop, young man?

Whoops. Crayons?

Afraid so.

My daughter gave them to me.

You have a daughter?

Oop. You all right?

Thanks, Paul. I'm sorry.

Hey, save me a place at dinner tonight, okay?

Right.

That your girlfriend? Oh, no, no.

I mean, she is a friend, and she is a girl,

but she's not my girlfriend.

We live next to each other in the dorm.

In the dorm?

Uh-huh. Yeah, you see, it's coeducational.

In fact, she's my grad-student advisor,

so I guess you'd call her my housemother.

Things certainly have changed.

We had coed dorms when I went too,

but the school didn't know about it.

[♪♪♪]

Hey, Keith, are there any campus incidents

in the paper today?

Mm. Let's see. Mm.

Yeah, there was a mother of five arrested

for talking in class.

She didn't raise her hand.

Very funny.

Reuben: You know, I envy your mother.

It's good to be in an academic atmosphere.

Oh, I remember my college days.

There was this one fraternity party.

We had this cake, and mimsey Schwartz...

Mr. Kincaid, there are juveniles present.

Oh.

Better finish telling me in my room.

You can read about it when I write my memoirs:

The thrilling adventures of Reuben Kincaid.

It'll be a thin book.

Hi. All: Hi, mom.

Oh, what a day. Sorry I'm late.

The word is "Tardy, " Mom.

Laurie: Well, how'd it go?

I never dreamed a campus could be so big.

Um, according to my calculations,

you should have been home half an hour ago.

I hope you didn't run into any bomb-throwing radicals.

No, but I was almost hit by a frisbee.

It wasn't loaded.

No, I stopped for coffee

with one of the students, Paul bruner.

All: Oh.

[Keith whistles]

Keith: One day at school and you've already had a date, huh? Ha!

Mom, coach warned me about girls like you.

How was your date, mom, on a scale of zero to 10?

Is he rich? First of all, he's only 19.

You went out with an older man? Nineteen?

He's older than me. It happens all the time.

An attractive older woman meets

an impressionable younger man.

Sure. I can understand how it could happen, Shirley.

I saw the graduate.

Yeah, right, the part where Mrs. Robinson...

All right, that's enough.

If you all got it out of your system,

we'll just forget about it.

Who says we've got it out of our systems?

I do.

[Phone rings]

Hello?

Oh. Hello. Uh, could I speak to sh...

[clears throat]

To Shirley, uh, renfrew, please,

if I'm not interrupting anything?

Oh, no. No, no. Not at all.

It's for a Shirley renfrew.

Who is it?

I couldn't tell. His voice keeps cracking.

[♪♪♪]

Hello?

Hello, Paul.

Look, I'm sorry if I'm interrupting anything,

but remember that lecture that Dr. Winthrom was mentioning?

Yes? Well, if you remember,

it's all the way over across town, at macadamian hall,

and I know that you have a car and I don't,

and I thought that if you were going, we could... I thought...

But if you're busy, I can just forget it.

If you're asking for a ride, it's fine with me.

It is?

Shirley: See you tomorrow night. Yes, I will.

Okay, thank you. Bye.

Goodbye.

[♪♪♪]

[Chris giggling]

[Sighs]

Oh, thanks for letting me use your phone, margo,

but I made a fool of myself. I think my voice even cracked.

Well, why are you so upset? You got the date, didn't you?

Yeah, but when I called, a man answered.

So what?

Yeah.

So what.

Look, margo, uh...

You know, I told you she's an older woman...

And, uh, well, you're older,

and I thought maybe you could give me

a hint or something, you know,

about what to do or what to say.

You won't believe this,

but I really don't know how to handle this situation.

Well, first, you ask her if she wants to go

to a walk-in movie or a drive-in.

Now, if she says drive-in...

No, no, no, we're going to a lecture.

Oh. A walk-in lecture or a drive-in lecture?

Walk-in. Macadamian hall.

Oh, good thinking on your part.

It was? Well, sure. That's outside of town,

and you've got that long, lonely drive back.

[♪♪♪]

Oh, yeah. That's right.

And then you whisper sweet nothings in her ear.

But you'll really know you've got it made

when that magic moment arrives.

What?

When she pretends to run out of gas.

[♪♪♪]

[Car sputtering]

Oh, no.

You'll never guess what happened.

No, what?

I ran out of gas.

[♪♪♪]

Okay, everybody ready?

One, two.

[Playing organ]

[Singing "Brown eyes"]

♪ brown eyes you're beautiful ♪

♪ and you're all mine ♪

♪ I want you like you want me ♪

♪ all the time ♪

♪ don't say that you don't want me ♪

♪ don't make me run away ♪

♪ 'cause I need that something ♪

♪ you bring me every day ♪

♪ brown eyes you're beautiful ♪

♪ and this song's for you ♪

♪ I wrote this song that I'm singing ♪

♪ just for you ♪

♪ if words could paint a picture ♪

♪ there'd be no words to say ♪

♪ and I'd be the greatest painter ♪

♪ in this whole world today ♪

♪ and I know what I feel and I know that it's real ♪

♪ and I feel it every day ♪

♪ and I'm not gonna lay no story on you, girl ♪

♪ if my story wasn't true ♪

♪ 'cause you must know by now I wrote this song for you ♪

♪ brown eyes you're beautiful ♪

♪ and you're all mine ♪

♪ I know you want me like I want you ♪

♪ all the time ♪

♪ and if you're not sure I love you ♪

♪ there's somethin' on your mind ♪

♪ listen to the song I'm singin' ♪

♪ I'll sing it one more time ♪

♪ brown eyes you're beautiful ♪

♪ and you're mine ♪

♪ brown eyes I love you ♪

♪ all the time ♪

♪ brown eyes you're beautiful ♪

♪ and you're mine ♪

Huh. That wasn't bad.

Mom, you're a little late with your cues.

I know, I'm sorry. I'm a little tired.

It's no wonder.

You were out until 2:06 this morning.

Weren't you out with Paul last night?

We went to a lecture. Oh, come on, mom.

No lecture takes until 2:06 in the morning.

What happened?

I don't wanna tell you, because I know what you'll say.

Oh, come on,

it can't be any worse than the excuses I give you

when I come in late.

Okay.

After the lecture, we ran out of gas.

Oh, come on.

Come on, mom,

that's the oldest excuse in the world.

Did you make him walk home?

What's so funny about running out of gas?

Have you ever heard about the birds and the bees?

Sort of.

Birds and bees run out of gas.

[♪♪♪]

I don't know.

But you look great. Besides, it's Reuben's idea.

With a little coaxing from you.

Oh, mom. Everybody's wearing them.

Why are they called hot pants? I'm cold.

Me too.

Laurie, I don't think these are right for me.

What's wrong with our old costumes?

Well, you're just a little self-conscious right now.

It's not like we'll be wearing them in public.

Just when we perform.

That's great feminine logic,

but it makes no sense at all.

I'm afraid I'm gonna have to disappoint you and Reuben.

Oh, but, mom.

[Doorbell rings]

That's him. I'll tell him myself.

[♪♪♪]

Woman: Shirley renfrew, please.

Oh, I'm Shirley renfrew.

It's worse than we thought.

Man: We're the bruners.

Paul's parents.

Oh, of course. I wasn't thinking.

I'm sorry. Please come in.

I suppose you're wondering why I'm dressed like this.

Looks very nice.

My daughter asked me to try them on.

Charming child, I'm sure.

Would you sit down?

Paul mentioned that you had a child.

Well, actually, I have five.

Five?! He didn't tell us that.

Well, we want you to know right off

that we're enlightened parents and this isn't easy.

Look, let's quit beating around the bush.

We saw the graduate.

Twice.

Exactly what are your intentions toward our son?

Intent...?

What intentions?

I have no intentions.

Well, he's always talking about you,

about the lectures you go to together,

and your running out of gas.

Now, frankly, we can see what he sees in you...

But what do you see in him?

I don't see anything in him.

Look, Paul is a very nice boy, but we're really just friends.

Really, just friends.

Really? Of course.

Well, I'm terribly embarrassed.

Oh. Oh.

[♪♪♪]

Oh. Oh, my... My children were teasing me.

Paul called one day and...

And I...

Uh...

Look, somehow Paul has mistaken our relationship for...

A relationship.

Yeah.

You mean you really didn't know he had this crush on you?

Absolutely not.

He's too shy. I told you he's too shy.

Should have told the whole world.

I assure you, I'm not the kind of woman...

Mr. Bruner: I believe you.

You definitely don't have the kind of face

to do something like that.

Although you do have the legs.

Let's go, Margaret.

It's no longer our problem.

Whose problem is it? It's your problem.

We can't help you,

because Paul would know we came here

and he'd never forgive us.

Look, I think i...

I think I know how to handle this.

I'll invite him to dinner.

If he thinks I only have one child,

perhaps if he sees me with my whole family,

he'll get quite a surprise.

Can I give you a little suggestion?

Yes?

The night you're having the dinner,

if you really wanna get rid of him,

don't wear those.

[♪♪♪]

Hi. Hi. Is your mommy home?

Keith: Tracy, who is it?

Hi, I'm Keith partridge. You must be...

Keith partridge, the singer? Yeah.

Some competition. Beg your pardon?

Uh, nothing. I'm Paul. Paul bruner.

Hi. Come on in. Mom told us you were coming.

Mom?

Are you the partridge family? Chris: You mean you didn't know?

No. Mom used her maiden name

in college so she wouldn't draw attention to herself.

How would you like our autograph? It's cheap.

Hi, Paul. Make yourself comfortable.

I'll have dinner ready in a minute.

Come on and sit down, Paul.

Yeah, um, mom told us all about you.

Yeah, she told us about the time you, uh,

ran out of gas.

Oh, now, that wasn't my fault.

I mean, I wasn't driving, and it wasn't my car,

and it wasn't my gas we ran out of.

Why don't you guys quit putting him on.

What? That's no way to treat a guest.

Hi. I'm Laurie. Hi. Another partridge?

Afraid so.

Oh, let me put these in water for you.

Thank you. I didn't know there were two pretty partridges.

Neither did I.

[♪♪♪]

Chris: May we be excused?

Keith: Me too. I'm gonna be late.

Paul, it was nice meeting you. Yes. Thank you. Right.

Keith: Bye, mom. Bye.

Well, now maybe you'll have a chance to get a word in, Paul.

Look, why don't you two go in the other room while I clean up.

Oh, great.

Boy, you must think I'm dumb.

I really didn't know you were the partridge family.

I'd... I'd heard your records, you know,

but I'd never seen you.

Well, now you've seen us.

Maybe I should pay more attention to those album covers.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

You, helping?

I think Paul likes Laurie.

He gave me a quarter to leave the room.

I didn't think anybody ever did that.

But I'm surprised at you. What do you mean?

I thought sure you'd hold out for at least 50 cents.

Well, I can't complain.

I sold him my autograph for 75.

Uh, Shirley. Mrs. Partridge.

Could I speak to you for a second?

Of course. In private.

Danny.

So much for free enterprise.

Uh, Mrs. Partridge,

I had such a nice time tonight. Oh, I'm glad.

But I was wondering,

on Friday there's another lecture...

Uh, I think I'm busy Friday.

It should be interesting and educational.

Oh, i...

I'm sure there's something on my calendar for Friday...

And I know I can get my father's car.

I'm afraid it's gonna be busy...

If it's all right, I'd like to ask Laurie.

I'm afraid I just...

[♪♪♪]

Laurie? Yes.

I thought I'd better ask your permission first

because, after all, I am an older man.

Yes, you certainly are.

Permission granted, Mr. Bruner. Thank you, Mrs. Partridge.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

You don't play fair.

You keep on taking all my checkers.

Chris: That's the way you play the game.

Tracy: I quit.

Mom, that's a classic example of sibling rivalry.

Classic example of a sore loser.

You know, I've been reading a lot about psychology lately.

If you need any help with your homework, just yell.

Oh, yeah, he's an expert all right.

He just finished reading the life of Freud

in a classic comic book.

Danny: Tell me, Keith,

when did you first feel this neurotic compulsion

to insult people? Let's see.

I think it was about a split-second

after you first insulted me, Danny.

Fine, just relax and tell me the whole story.

You know, I wish you'd read the life story of evel knievel.

Why is that?

Well, then, maybe you might go take a flying leap.

Hostile.

[♪♪♪]

Hi.

Shirley: Hi. How was your date?

Oh, it was a good lecture.

Oh, by the way,

Paul wants an autographed picture of you

wearing hot pants.

Paul? Is that the same boy

that panicked when I ran out of gas?

Oh, it's not for him.

It's for his dad.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]