Original subtitles

Wait. Sorry.

Carlton, the customers are complainin'.

There ain't no bacon in the BLTs.

Oh, where's the law that says the B has to stand for bacon?

Read the damn sign.

Bread, lettuce and tomato?

Well, we had to cut back somewhere.

Last month our outlay exceeded our revenues

but I don't expect you to understand that.

Hmm. Excuse me. Can I ask you a question?

Excuse me, Carlton, but a beautiful woman

wants to talk to me, but I don't expect you to understand that.

How you doing? What can I do for you?

Well, I'm doing this crossword puzzle

and I'm kind of stuck.

What's a nine-letter word for incredible?

Oh, that's easy. Will Smith.

- Denise. Pleasure to meet you. - Hey.

Of all the campus dives

on all the campuses in all the world

why'd you have to walk into mine?

"Casablanca,"right?

I love Humphrey Bogart.

Yeah, yeah, dude is cool, yo.

He ain't no Shaft, though, you know.

- Damn right. - Damn right.

Whoa! Whoa! Look at you!

You know, most women can't appreciate

the subtle nuances of a fine Shaft film.

Yes, well, I'm not like most women.

You've got that right.

What are you thinking right now?

[thinking] You ain't wearin' no bra.

So do you like The Pointer Sisters?

[theme song]

♪ Now this is a story ♪

♪ All about how my life got flipped turned upside down ♪

♪ And I'd like to take a minute just sit right there ♪

♪ I'll tell you how I became the prince ♪

♪ Of a town called Bel-Air ♪

♪ In West Philadelphia born and raised ♪

♪ On the playground is where I spent most of my days ♪

♪ Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool ♪

♪ And all shootin' some B-ball outside of the school ♪

♪ When a couple of guys who were up to no good ♪

♪ Started makin' trouble in my neighborhood ♪

♪ I got in one little fight and my mom got scared and said ♪

♪ You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air ♪

♪ I whistled for a cab and when it came near ♪

♪ The license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror ♪

♪ If anything I can say that this cab was rare ♪

♪ But I thought nah forget it yo homes to Bel-Air ♪

♪ I pulled up to a house about seven or eight ♪

♪ And I yelled to the cabbie yo homes smell you later ♪

♪ I looked at my kingdom I was finally there ♪

♪ To sit on my throne as the prince of Bel-Air ♪

No, no, you don't talk to me about the Lakers.

I'm a Sixers fan all the way.

- Oh, get the.. - Yeah!

Well, I-I should be. I just moved here from Philly.

What? Wait, girl. You are scaring me. I'm from Philly!

- Get the.. - Yeah!

Well, that explains the attraction.

Wa-wa-wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Let's put it to a little test here.

What you like, B-ball or football?

Roundball, of course.

Oh, okay. Convertibles or 4x4?

Nothing beats an off-road vehicle.

Oh, okay. Here's the one here.

Potatoes or stovetop?

- Potatoes. - Oh, girl.

Look at you. You are just like me.

Except, you know, a little softer

and you smell better.

Alright, alright, alright. Okay.

Now it's my turn to ask you a question.

Oh, oh, oh, bring it on. I ain't scared of you. Come on.

- You ready? - Uh-huh.

You want to do something tonight?

I sure do.

Oh! Whoa! Whoa! Oh!

Ooh! Ooh!

I am sorry.

Uh, listen, uh

I have what you might call a prior engagement.

Uh, uh, oh, and plus, you-you got to finish

your crossword puzzle and everything anyway.

Well, just one left to go.

What's a six-letter word

that comes at the end of the rhyme

"Miss me, miss me, now you gotta.."

- Kiss me. - I'd love to.

[screaming]

[instrumental music]

Carlton, being attracted to someone isn't a crime.

- Isn't that right, Will? - Why you askin' me?

I ain't never been never attracted to nobody

in my whole life!

Will, I wasn't talking about you.

I'm seeing this guy, and he's so beautiful.

He's got great eyes and a great chest.

Oh, will you stop it?

I mean, is-is that all you women think about

is eyes and chests and butts?

I wasn't thinking about his butt.

Hey, I am now.

Hey, Uncle Phil. What's up, man?

- Look, uh, we need to talk. - Oh, we do?

Come on, Uncle Phil. Now, look, you know I love Lisa.

I want to be with her 24/7, you know?

Well, I'm with you so far.

But every once in a while, it's..

...kind of like the Civil War.

You know, the North got everything under control.

But every once in a while

it's the Southern uprising.

Oh! Yeah, yeah, well, I understand.

See, but-but you have to remember

that the North has right on its side.

So you better be damn sure that it wins the war.

Uncle Phil, look, I'm trying, man

but I got the feelin'

that the South shall rise again.

And, you know, I-I don't even know

if-if it's fair to marry Lisa

you know, during wartime.

Oh, no, Will, look

you're always going to find other women attractive.

It's how you handle it

that will determine whether or not

your marriage is a success or a failure.

Oh, wait, don't get me wrong, Uncle Phil.

Once I say I do, I don't.

[chuckles] Ah, if it were only that simple.

Son, observe and learn.

Now, we're walking down Rodeo Drive.

- You be Vivian. - Oh, okay.

[squeaking] Oh, come on, puddin'.

Jeez, you're pushing me all off the sidewalk.

Oh, for God's sake, Will!

Would you please be my wife?

Now...okay?

Now, we're walking.

We're walking.

Ooh!

Beautiful woman walks right on by.

Looks just like Diahann Carroll.

Uh, Philip!

Well, Vivian, I-I was looking at that woman.

I mean, she's gorgeous

but she doesn't do a thing for me.

Baby, what is it

that you have that she doesn't, hmm?

- A mean left hook. - Oh, come on.

Oh, I apologize. I was just playing, Uncle Phil.

Now, you-you-you're right. I see your point.

Ain't that the truth?

Now, see, but you don't push your luck

because you're just a beginner.

So, if Toni Braxton walk by, you just put on your sunglasses.

Oh, man, I don't need none of that stuff.

I got it completely under control.

I don't care if Toni-girl goes galloping by

on a white horse butt-naked. You know what I'm saying?

[imitating a horse neighing]

[chuckles] She better be traveling fast

or I'll snatch her little butt down off that horse.

You know what I'm saying?

[instrumental music]

- Guess who? - Hey!

How's it going? How you doing? Good to see you.

[chuckles] Hey, take those off.

I can't see those sexy eyes.

Uh, it's a rare condition, day blindness.

You know, they're real sensitive.

Want to go to my place and turn off all the lights?

[chuckles]

Hey. Uh, Denise, uh..

Listen, I-I got to be straight with you.

Um, I am really, really flattered.

I mean, look at you. You're beautiful.

Look at those, those sexy dimples

and those beautiful cheeks

and then there's your face.

- What's the problem? - Well..

I s-sort of have this, uh, fiancee.

So, uh, who's the lucky lady?

Uh, her name is Lisa.

But listen, I-I'm the lucky one.

I mean, she's great.

She's beautiful, she's brilliant

and she got a 4.0 in biology.

Sounds like you really love her?

Oh, yeah, I love her. Of course, I do.

I have to. We're engaged.

Well, can't say I'm not disappointed.

Look, Denise

um, believe me, if-if this was one year ago

girl, I would be all over you.

You know what I'm saying?

All over you, you know?

Yeah, I know, uh, only too well.

[elevator dings]

- Hey, baby. - I was just talkin'!

- To who? - Uh..

To-to myself. Yeah.

You know, I-I do that sometimes. Don't you?

Yeah, yeah, you do, you do.

I was just..

Uh, baby, I wanted to talk to you about a shower.

Oh, I thought about that but it probably won't help.

I meant a wedding shower.

Some of my sorority sisters want to throw one for us

this Saturday at the Hyatt.

Excuse me, but I couldn't help overhearing

from where I was eavesdropping, but..

...why pay hotel prices

when you could have the party at our house for free?

Oh. Hey, that's decent, C.

And I can get you a great deal

on the mandatory catering.

Hey, people are talking about our peacock pu-pu platter.

Yeah, well, people are talking about you, too.

But that don't mean they want you at their party.

- I make a tuna pate to die for. - Or from.

Hey, look, hey, hey, hold up a second there

chef-boy-are-you-short.

Okay, see you later, girl.

Excuse me, do you know

where the administration building is?

I'm new here and the campus is so confusing.

Oh, please. This whole city is confusing.

I remember when I first moved here from Cleveland.

You're from Cleveland?

So am I.

You're kidding.

- Lisa. - Denise.

Oh, I shall walk you right over.

- Great. - Come on.

[comical music on TV]

Uh-oh. Look out, Yogi!

[chuckles] Kevin, could we turn this off a while and talk?

Okay.

Hey, you want to see my Boo-Boo?

- Oh. Did you hurt yourself? - No. My Boo-Boo.

Yogi, I don't think the Ranger's going to like that.

- Are you thirsty? - Yeah, sometimes.

No, Kevin, I..

Come on.

Will, Lisa, this is Kevin.

Oh, hey, hey! Kev! What's up, man?

Uh, I don't know.

Hey, you're not exactly splitting atoms, either, okay?

Oh, baby, will you get the brown sugar, please?

Oh, sure thing, sweetheart.

- Whoa! - Oh! Baby!

Oh, hey, Uncle Phil. What's up, man?

You know, I cannot thank you enough

for the, uh, little history lesson.

Oh, oh! So there was a test?

Oh, oh, yeah, oh, yeah, and I got to admit

I peeked over a couple of shoulders

and I liked what I saw, but I did not cheat.

- Oh, good for you, son. - Alright.

I thought you took all your tests?

Oh, uh, it was an unexpected oral exam, yeah.

But, uh, you know what, baby?

I passed, and it's out of my life forever.

So let's have a beautiful night.

- Aww. - Mwah!

Ahem.

- Surprise. - Aah!

♪ I feel good ♪

[instrumental music]

Oh, Denise, I'm so happy you could make it.

Everyone, this is my new friend, Denise.

- Hi. - This is Hilary, Ashley, Kevin.

And this is Carlton.

Miss me, miss me, now you got to..

Nice seeing you again, Denise.

And, of course, there's someone I really want you to meet.

This is my fiance Will. Isn't he cute?

Cute? That's an understatement.

He's gorgeous.

Ah-ha-ha! Me? Huh?

No! Gorgeous? No, man.

I've got big ears and I got a big, high butt, you know?

Modest, too. What a catch.

Oh, yeah, that's right. Lisa caught me.

Yeah, and I'm too big to throw back though

ain't it, baby?

- Can I help with something? - Oh, Denise, you're so sweet.

You can actually put those strawberries in a bowl

and I'll help Geoffrey put this platter up.

Hey, baby, hey, baby, hey, baby, baby, baby, baby, I'll help him.

Oh, no, baby, stay and give Denise a hand.

Uh, no, no, no. I should keep my hands to myself.

Oh, come on, Will. I don't bite.

Unless, of course, you want me to.

Hey, girl, stop it.

My fiancee is right in the other room.

Mmm. That's what makes it so exciting.

Girl, you're like a black Heather Locklear, ain't you?

[instrumental music]

Oh, what wonderful gifts.

Keep the receipts.

Oh, thank you, everybody.

Oh, Denise, thank you so much for coming.

Uh, thanks for having me.

Listen, I hate to ask

but my ride only dropped me off

so I'm kind of stuck. You don't suppose..

Oh, well, I could give you a ride home

it's just that I need to stay and help clean up.

- Will? - Hey.

- What the hell are you doing? - Shh! Nothin', Uncle Phil.

You know, it just suddenly got a little hot in here.

Brother looking for a little shade.

Will, Denise needs a ride home.

Uh, yeah, uh, baby. No.

Hey, well, uh, that's okay I can walk.

It's only 11 miles.

(Will) 'Oh, wait, oh, wait.'

We ain't going to let you walk no 11 miles.

Uh, baby, where's Nicky's skateboard?

Al-alright. Alright.

I'll do you.. It! It! I'll do it!

Uh, I-I mean, uh, I-I'll give you a-a ride.

Oh! No. Uh..

Come on, come on!

[instrumental music]

Well, safe as Carlton's backseat.

Will...please.

Hey. Hey, look, we are only four floors up.

I ain't got no problem doin' a Wesley Snipes out this window.

Lisa's so sweet and so trusting.

I can't believe that I came on to you.

Yeah!

Bad Denise. Bad Denise!

You think I don't know that?

I feel like such a-a fool.

[crying]

Hey, come on, come on. D-don't cry.

No, no! I can't help it!

I mean, wouldn't you cry

if you threw yourself at someone

and they didn't even care?

Well, only if I missed and hit the wall..

[indistinct chatter]

Go on. Go home, Will.

I'll be fine, really.

Okey-dokey. Cool. See you.

[crying]

Come on. Come..

I mean, hey, it's not like anything happened, you know.

- Oh, Will! - Hey.

Uh, hey, don't be so hard on yourself.

No.

Uh, I mean, come on.

Besides, hey, you couldn't help it, you know?

I mean, I am fine, you know?

You certainly are.

[muffled speech]

Oh! Oh, oh, oh, ah, ah, oh!

I don't believe I fell for that!

I invented that!

Well, then, you know what comes next.

You better stop playin'.

Oh, you-you think that, you know

I'mma just do whatever you want

just 'cause you got soft milk-chocolatey skin.

What is that, satin?

Silk.

Mmm.

Doesn't that feel good?

Oh, yeah, I've all-I've always liked silk.

No. I mean us.

I knew I could make you forget your fiancee.

Oh, hey, whoa, whoa, wait a minute, wait a minute.

Ain't nobody making me forget about my fiancee.

I love...Lucy.

- That ain't it, is it? - It's Lisa.

Ah! That's right. That's right. Mmm.

- Uh.. - Will, just relax.

Don't fight it. Just do what feels right.

Okay.

Bye, Denise.

I love that girl too much. I am not going out like that.

You mean to tell me I had no effect on you at all?

None at all!

Um..

Uh, I think I must have dropped my keys

when you attacked me. Could you see..

Uh, thank you.

Pfft. Keep the car!

[instrumental music]

[exhales] Lisa, baby. No..

Look, Lisa, somethin' happened between me and Denise.

Baby, I swear to you that nothing like this

will ever happen again.

Baby, you got to believe me.

I love you. I want you to be my wife.

Wait, G, G. Hold up.

Listen, um, I need to talk to you.

Uh, I kind of betrayed Lisa's trust

and-and I don't know what to do.

Might I venture an opinion, young sir?

You and Ms. Lisa are about to embark

on a lifelong journey together

and you cannot hope to remain on course

unless honesty is your North Star.

Wow.

Yo, that's deep, G.

Now where'd you hear that?

Popeye.

Oh, dude got skills.

Hey, G, you know what? You are right, man.

I'mma tell Lisa from now on the truth

the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

Good luck.

[whistling]

- Hey, baby. - Hey.

What did you need to talk to me about that was so important?

Look, Lisa..

Alright, baby, listen.

- I love you. - Oh, Will..

Oh, yeah, like I'mma listen to Geoffrey.

When was the last time you seen him with a woman?

[instrumental music]

[theme music]

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪♪