Original subtitles

[instrumental music]

Look, Carlton, for the last time, no.

I do not want a hypnotist at my bachelor party.

But, Will, you don't know how incredibly cool it is.

I don't want cool, fool.

I want something simple.

Just me and my boys barking like seals

at naked women.

[imitating a seal]

But, Will, that's so politically incorrect.

No one likes naked women anymore, believe me.

Tell me again, why did I make you my best man?

Because you said I'm like the brother you never had.

No, no, I said you like the brother I never wanted.

Look, Will, I put a lot of thought into this.

The least you can do is keep an open mind.

[sighs]

Alright, alright, fine.

Maybe there is something to this hypnotism stuff.

You are getting shorter.

When you wake up, you will be very, very short.

Damn, see, that stuff does work.

[theme song]

♪ Now this is a story ♪

♪ All about how my life got flipped ♪

♪ Turned upside-down ♪

♪ And I'd like to take a minute just sit right there ♪

♪ I'll tell you how I became the prince ♪

♪ Of a town called Bel-Air ♪

♪ In West Philadelphia, born and raised ♪

♪ On the playground is where I spent most of my days ♪

♪ Chillin' out maxin' relaxing all cool ♪

♪ And all shootin' some b-ball outside of the school ♪

♪ When a couple of guys who were up to no good ♪

♪ Started makin' trouble in my neighborhood ♪

♪ I got in one little fight and my mom got scared ♪

♪ And said you're moving with your auntie ♪

♪ And uncle in Bel-Air ♪

♪ I whistled for a cab and when it came near ♪

♪ The license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror ♪

♪ If anything I can say that this cab was rare ♪

♪ But I thought nah forget it ♪

♪ Yo homes to Bel-Air ♪

♪ I pulled up to a house about seven or eight ♪

♪ And I yelled to the cabbie ♪

♪ Yo homes smell you later ♪

♪ I looked at my kingdom I was finally there ♪

♪ To sit on my throne as the prince of Bel-Air ♪

Philip, honey, here are the directions

to the Crescent Rock School.

Now, you have to have Nicky there

or his interview by 10 a.m.

What? That interview was today?

Philip, don't tell me you--

- Well, uh.. Uh.. - Hmm.

Distant drums say man with giant pants

forget important interview.

Will, this is serious.

This is one of the top two schools in L.A.

Oh. I was just playing, Aunt Viv.

It's cool, relax y'all. I'll take Nicky.

Hillary, what are you doing in about two hours?

Sorry, dad, I have a hair appointment.

Well, can't you cancel it?

[laughing]

Good one, daddy. Ha.

Uh, hello. I said I'll take him, Uncle Phil.

Carlton.

Got a class.

Uh, Will Smith's in the house.

- Hello. - Geoffrey.

Certainly, sir.

I'll just have to make this

triple fudge bundt cake tomorrow.

- Mm. Geoffrey's out. - Geoffrey's out.

Ashley, can you drive him?

Sure, my bike has a basket.

Well, Uncle Phil, it looks like it's down to me.

Or that weird dude that be vacuuming our pool.

- Oh, Gus is here? - Uncle Phil. Look.

Oh, alright. Alright, you can, you can take him.

Alright.

Big mistake.

Hey, what are you talking about?

What, you think I don't want Nicky

to get into a good school?

Education is very important to me.

Say, don't you have a class now?

Oh, that's not important.

[instrumental music]

Alright, little man, suppose they ask you

why you wanna go to their school.

- What do you tell them? - I don't know.

Of course, you do.

You say, "I think this school

"has a nurturing environment which will best

realize my education potential."

Or you could say, "In two years, I'll be bigger than you."

Will, if you don't mind

I'm trying to get Nicky ready for his interview.

Well, you need to stop pressuring him.

You treat him like a ventriloquist dummy.

That's not what I'm doing.

Nicky, what school do you wanna go to?

The best school in L.A. Crescent Rock School.

Yeah, I was wrong, Carlton.

You the dummy.

[instrumental music]

Hey, Nicky, check it out.

Yo, post up, post up, post up.

Ooh.

Hey, you alright? Hey, look.

Now, Nicky, I don't want you to be nervous, alright?

I want you to ignore everything that Carlton said.

Just be yourself, alright?

[grunts]

Now I know what Uncle Phil must feel like in a Miata.

Hi, I'm Penny Abigail Jillette.

This school has a warm, nurturing atmosphere.

I'm Nicky. Is there any apple juice?

Hi, I'm Ruby Jillette. I'm Penny's mom.

Oh, hey. Hi, I'm Will. I'm Nicky's cousin.

Ah.

That may be why the other adults were standing.

Uh, well, Penny seems to be a..

...really bright little girl.

[crashes]

- Sorry. - Uh..

Um, yes, she is.

She started writing poetry at age three.

And now she's publishing a little magazine

for the kids on the Internet.

Yeah, well, you know, Nicky be writing too. You know, yeah.

You know, he-he just wrote, produced

directed his first screenplay.

"The Forest Gumby."

Look, I can make myself dizzy.

Nick..

Nicky..

That's a part of his comedy act.

Yeah, that one killed them at Def Jam, Junior. Ha-ha.

Nicky, why don't you sit? Ooh.

[chuckles]

Hi, I'm Miss Jansen, one of the kindergarten teachers.

Basically, we're just observing the kids.

Seeing how they play and how they interact with one another.

Oh, hey, well, Nicky here is a big interacter.

You might call him the last interaction hero, you know.

Well, it looks like we've got a couple of sculptors here.

I made an Arabian stallion.

That's remarkable.

Well, wait till y'all see what Nicky made.

Shoot, it's, uh..

This-this, this is a..

It looks like a rock.

This is that mountain from Hawaii

Mount Kichikichiyayadada.

It's really a turtle. He's inside his shell.

Is he hiding because he's nervous

about going to a new school?

No, he's watching "Power Rangers."

[chuckles]

Well, that's great.

I've gotta go now and set up your snacks.

Can I help?

Sure you can, Nicky. Come on.

[scoffs]

What you making now?

What, an artificial heart valve?

[instrumental music]

So how'd the interview go?

Oh, great.

You know, I mean, not "Great" great, you know.

'But it was good. It was good. You know.'

You know, not that good, you know.

But.. What is the word I'm looking for?

Bad?

Worse than that, but I'll go with bad.

Oh, Will.

Look, come on, Uncle Phil, it wasn't Nicky's fault.

That's right.

Will's the one that got yelled at for stealing.

Look.

Well, she had it coming after the way

she talked about your mountain.

It was a turtle.

Nicky, go make yourself dizzy.

Nicky, Nicky, Nicky.

Stop, stop, look. Just sit down. Sit here. Ah.

Nice work, Will.

You'd better hope that he gets into the Considine School.

The head of admissions is coming tonight

to interview the entire family

and unfortunately, that includes you.

Ho-ho. Hold the phone, big guy.

Will and I have a magical evening planned.

Uncle Phil, are you sure that while Aunt Viv was pregnant

with Carlton she wasn't, you know?

You promised we'd go see the hypnotist, remember?

[sighs]

Oh, look at this.

Tippy The Drunken Penguin is his opening act.

Ooh, you think we could get him for my bachelor party?

I wish.

Do whatever you want.

Just be sure you're back here

promptly at 8:00.

We're going to show those people from Considine school

that we're a warm, caring loving family

or I'm going to kill you.

Oh, come on, Uncle Phil, hasn't there been enough

black-on-black violence?

Man, I will see you at 8:00.

[instrumental music]

At the sound of the bell, you will awaken from your trance.

However, you will think that you are naked.

Three, two..

[bell dings]

[screaming]

[applauding]

Look, Will, she thinks she's naked. Isn't this exciting?

Carlton, are you sure Aunt Viv didn't..

Now, who would like to be my next volunteer?

Someone who doesn't embarrass easily.

Pick me, oh, Great Mentos, pick me.

Ooh. Shoot me, oh, Great Mentos, shoot me.

Uh.. How about you?

[sighs]

[instrumental music]

You are in a state of full relaxation.

The sound of my voice is very soothing.

And you will accept any suggestion that I make.

I want to take you back.

At the sound of the bell, you will be four years old.

(Carlton) 'Will, wake up.'

The show is almost over and you haven't

even touched your pie.

Pie.

Oh, my God, Uncle Phil.

Carlton, we were supposed to be back at the house at 8 o'clock.

Come on, I'm gonna go get our coats.

Remember, at the sound of the bell

you will be four years old.

[bell dings]

[mumbling]

[giggling]

[bell dings]

Can I help you?

Could I have my coat?

My fault.

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

- Hey, hey. - Well, it's about time.

The man from Considine School's gonna be here any minute.

Hey, look, I'm sorry we're late, Uncle Phil.

And you just forget it.

There's no way I'm humiliating myself

by having some corny loser at my bachelor party.

Hey, don't talk about The Great Mentos like that.

I wasn't.

Alright, just settle down you two.

- Is everything ready, Ashley? - I think so.

I've replaced all the video tapes with insect documentaries.

Good Lord, Hilary. What are you reading?

The Victoria's Secret catalog.

It's their end-of-the-season thong blowout. Ha-ha.

Ooh. That's a good issue too.

Everything in there is half off. You know what I'm saying?

That is not the kind of image we wanna present. Give me that.

Well, better yet, give me that.

Oh, there you are. There's my little man.

Come on, sweetheart, have a seat right here.

Philip, this is ridiculous.

I hate pretending to be something we're not.

Oh. Well, fine, Vivian

so Nicky doesn't get into a good school this year.

He can stay home with Will watching "Power Rangers"

and making himself dizzy.

Honey, here, just hold this.

And-and try to stay awake.

Whoa, G, man, something smells good.

Aren't you glad I use Dial?

Oh, you meant the crab puffs.

Yeah, man, these things is kind of tiny.

I seen Uncle Phil pick bigger chunks of food out of his teeth.

[doorbell rings]

Come in.

That never works.

He's here. We better get out there.

[grunts]

What the heck is wrong with you?

I gotta go potty.

What are you telling me for?

You gotta take me, please? Come on.

Hey, the buddy system stops at the pool, mister.

Look, come on, I gotta go.

Come on, come on, come on.

[doorbell rings] Come on, Carlton.

What are you tripping for? Uncle Phil's in there, let's go.

Will's acting kind of weird.

It must be all that rap music.

I'd like to strangle the man who invented the doorbell.

The bell, that's it.

Geoffrey, Will's been hypnotized.

The Great Mentos made him think he's four years old.

Can he make me think I care?

Will, Will.

And this is our son, Carlton.

[chuckles]

Well, and this must be Nicholas.

Yes, stand up, Nicholas and shake Mr. Spiegel's hand.

I can't, my legs are numb.

Oh. Oh.

Look at that, the boy would rather read than walk.

Isn't that beautiful?

So who's the musician?

Oh, that would be me.

I play a little cello.

But this is a bass.

Well, the cello's in the shop, this is a loaner.

Oh, the "World of Discovery" series.

This one is marvelous.

"The Ant, Nature's Busiest Worker."

Oh, yes. Ants are extremely intelligent.

I still can't believe they run their own farms.

(Vivian) 'Well, yes. Mr. Spiegel.'

Won't you try one of our crab puffs?

I got the recipe from our favorite little bistro

in Paris, Le Bistro.

Actually, madam, I got it from the Gary Coleman Cookbook.

Hope you like short ribs.

[oven timer rings]

Ah, I hear the little guys now.

So is that a Princeton tie you're wearing?

Oh, I'm a Princeton man. Class of '69.

You're kidding. Class of '73.

[laughing]

You like seafood?

Of course.

See, food.

♪ Crash through the line of blue ♪

♪ And send the backs on 'round the end ♪

♪ Fight fight for every yard ♪

♪ Princeton's honor to defend ♪

♪ Rah rah rah ♪♪

(Philip) 'Argh!'

Come on, Will, let's go in the kitchen.

I don't want to. No.

- I'll give you a snickerdoodle. - Okay.

Certainly is great to have another Princeton Tiger

in the house.

I need something that rings.

Oh, I know, the oven timer.

Oh, H-E-double-toothpicks.

Ooh.

Geoffrey, do you have anything with bells on it?

Why, certainly, Master Carlton.

I just happen to have a trolley in my trousers.

Whoa! I need you to stay put, young man.

- Do you understand? - Yes.

Okay, now I'm gonna go look for something with a bell.

You're not gonna move, right?

- No. - Good.

Simon says, "Freeze."

That's it. Little boys who don't behave go to the pool house.

Make me.

My pleasure, you little rug rat.

Ooh, ooh. Stop, I'm gonna tell. Stop, I'm gonna tell.

Help! Help!

That's it. You're on a time out, mister.

Now, come on. You're sitting in the corner.

What the hell is going on in here?

He can't talk to you, dad, he's in time out.

I don't care what kind of shenanigans

you two are trying to pull here.

We're not pulling anything, dad.

'Will's been hypnotized.'

He'll snap out of it if I find a bell

but I can't find one to ring.

I'll ring your head like a bell if you don't get in there.

When I first read the brochure for Considine School

I knew it was the perfect--

Somebody wanna hear a joke?

Excuse me, Will. I'm talking here.

- So I decided-- - Okay.

What's the most musical part of your body?

I don't know.

Your nose because you can pick it and blow it.

[laughing]

I don't get it.

Okay, okay, I got another one. I got another one.

Will, could I speak to you for a minute, please?

Pick it and blow it, oh, I get it. Ha-ha.

Excuse me, mister, I'll shine your head for a nickel.

Will. Over here. Now!

He's a little high-strung, isn't he?

Oh, look what you did to the poor little fella.

For the love of God, does nobody have a bell?

Obviously, you're in some sort of a family crisis here

and I think it's best if I just be going.

Uh, uh, oh, no, please. Mr. Spiegel.

I can explain the entire situation.

I'm sure you can.

To another school.

Good luck.

I found a bell.

[ringing]

What the hell is in those crab puffs?

[instrumental music]

Well, that hypnotist certainly can put on a show.

Yeah, I'm just glad he unhypnotized me.

Too bad we got stuck behind that

ice cream truck on the way there.

Yeah, those bells turned you into a raving maniac.

Hey, I missed dinner, okay?

Philip, you'll never guess what happened.

The Crescent Rock School called, they've accepted Nicky.

Oh, that's wonderful.

Oh, put it there, my man.

- Pssh! - Pssh!

They said it was his sincerity that impressed them the most.

They liked that he was just being himself.

That's what Will told me to do.

Oh, you preach it there, little bro.

That's what I'm talking about.

You know, it just seems to me that there might be

a cash gift involved here somewhere, I don't know.

Well, I'll settle for just a hearty handshake.

Psh, psh. Alright, bro.

- Don't push it. - Come on.

Uncle Phil, I know you're not

still mad at me about last night.

I was hypnotized. I couldn't help it.

No, I suppose not.

I guess weak-willed individuals like you are just susceptible

to that kind of mental manipulation.

[doorbell rings]

[barking]

Hey, hey, hey.

Look, I'll walk him, but somebody else gonna have to

pooper scoop.

[instrumental music]

[theme song]

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪♪