Original subtitles

- Hey, good morning, G. - Good morning, Master William.

So, ready for the big camping expedition?

Please, man, I'm from Philly.

To me, a wilderness experience is dating a girl who don't shave her legs.

My uncle Reggie always insisted the woods were safer than the cities.

- Until the day he died. - Word? Y o, how'd he die?

He was eaten by wolves.

Carlton's log.

Earth date: 1992.

It's 6:00 a.m.

Up with the dawn, the small band of brave souls prepare to pile into their Mercedes.

Destination: Adventure.

Carlton, you look like Webster on a safari.

Hi, guys. I'm doing the morning weather today.

Oh, goody.

And after that, you're off to join Miss Ashley and Mrs. Banks...

at the spa for their beauty makeover weekend?

Beauty makeover? With this face? I don't think so.

Good morning, everyone.

Y ou know, men, I'm really looking forward to this.

Reminds me of camping with my father.

Sleeping under the stars, climbing mountains...

braving winds that could knock a grown man flat to the ground.

Hey, man, I ain't trying to be nowhere around a wind...

that can knock Uncle Phil to the ground.

Well, I hope you prepared for rain.

I'm predicting a 90o/o chance of precipitation.

And you know how often I'm right.

Bye.

- Let's unpack the rain gear. - Y eah.

Uncle Phil, I got a bad feeling about this one.

I mean, I think we should just turn back.

Will, you said that before we got in the car...

when we pulled out of the driveway...

when we pulled onto the freeway...

- when we pulled off the freeway. - Then do it!

Come on, Uncle Phil, it's dark, it's raining, and we're lost.

- We are not lost. - Will, ye of little faith.

- Dad knows exactly what he's doing. - That's right.

Do you think anyone would drive by the same tree seven times on purpose?

Carlton's log.

We're somewhere in the galaxy.

My father has no idea where.

Uncle Phil, I'm telling you, I think we should just pull into a gas station.

Will, for the last time, I don't need directions.

Y ou're right. Y ou need gas.

Okay, I made a wrong turn.

It's no big deal, it's not the end of the world. We'll just...

We'll thumb a ride to the nearest gas station.

We used to do it a lot in the '60s.

Uncle Phil, can you take a stroll into the '90s, please?

We are three black men on the side of a mountain road.

The only people that's going to stop...

is going to have on sheets and saying stuff like, "Get them, Jim Bob."

Will may have a point, Dad.

Why don't we stay here and let him go get the gas?

We're all getting out of the car.

We can make camp right here and go for gas in the morning.

Let's get out of the car. Get out of the car.

Oh, my God, look! Where's our camping equipment?

Will, you were supposed to secure everything to the luggage rack.

I did.

Wait, this ain't the Volvo.

The car phone, we'll call for road service.

Y eah, great idea, Carlton.

Y ou can tell them exactly where we are, too.

Somewhere in the dark between a rock and a tree.

/'m sorry, you are outside the ca//ing area. P/ease try your ca// again.

Well, I guess sending for pizza's out.

All right, now, that's it, that's enough.

We'll just get back in the car and go for gas in the morning.

Now get in the car.

- But you just... - Get in the car!

Y ou know, Uncle Phil, now, I haven't been on too many camping trips...

but snow is a bad thing, right?

Look. Let's look on the bright side, okay? This will give us a perfect opportunity to...

pull together and show what we're made of.

Does Bigfoot have to come down here with a chain saw...

before you admit we're in trouble?

Okay, we can't stay here, we'll freeze to death.

Just get all the stuff out of the back seat. We'll go ahead on foot. Get out of the car.

- But you just... - Get out of the damn car!

Y ou know, Miss Hilary...

I've never seen this side of you before.

Baggy clothes, no makeup, tousled hair.

Y ou know, I feel really comfortable like this, too, Geoffrey.

I mean, I don't need to hide behind cosmetics.

I'm beautiful just the way I am.

Hilary, you home?

Oh, my God. It's Trevor. Quick, get my hot comb.

Sorry, this is the scene where Barbara finds out...

Robert's been cheating with a button-nosed bimbo.

For you, pretty mama.

Trevor, he's adorable.

- Goodbye. - Wait a second.

I also brought you these.

Trevor, they're beautiful.

They look just like the flowers down at the newsroom.

Just be sure to have them back before 10:00.

My florist is on vacation.

Oh, my. Y ou look beautiful.

Here. Why don't you put this on ice?

- Champagne? - Y eah.

What are we celebrating?

An empty house.

Y oo-hoo!

I thought this was your day off.

Correct, but you overlooked one fact.

I have no life.

- Geoffrey, will you get it? - On my day off? Y ou'd really let me?

Well, I thought we'd have a quiet evening together...

and I'd make you dinner.

Trevor, that is so sweet.

All right, now. Y ou get out of the kitchen. I want this to be a surprise.

Surprise!

Jazz, what do you think you're doing?

Looking after you, my pet. After all, you're a beautiful, desirable woman.

Or you would be if you combed your hair once in a while.

And some lipstick wouldn't kill you, either.

Look, Jazz, go home.

Stand back. Let a man handle this.

No. Jazz.

- What are you doing here? - I'm cooking dinner.

Good, I like my steak medium-rare.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'd like to freshen up a bit.

Get off me!

Would you...

See, a cave.

Told you everything would be all right.

I'm sorry. I was trying to scare the bears away.

Carlton's log.

I'm wet.

I'm wet and I'm cold.

I'm wet and I'm cold and I'm in a cave.

Shut up, Carlton.

I'm shutting up.

I'm shutting up and I'm wet.

- That's it! - Hey.

Just relax!

Look, come on.

Now, we'll build a fire.

How are we supposed to build a fire, Uncle Phil?

It's snowing outside. All the wood is soaking wet.

Then we'll freeze to death.

I don't want to die.

I want to go to college and poke fun at all the kids on financial aid.

I want to see Karate Kid 17.

Carlton.

Don't panic.

Will, you check the cave for dry wood.

Man, I ain't walking around in this cave by myself.

There's rats and bats and bears and stuff all over the place.

Me, neither, Dad.

I think the three of us should just cuddle up close together for the night.

I'm going to go check the cave for some wood.

- I found this bag, Uncle Phil. - Will, we can't just burn a bag.

We're helpless, it's over, we're dead.

- We're rich! - What?

Hey, back up, back up!

960, 980...

$25,000.

Do you all mind if I get butt naked and roll around in this for a little while?

Will, we're going to have to turn that money over to the authorities.

If nobody claims it, then you can keep it, but until then, I think I should look after it.

Whoa, no!

I'm all right, Uncle Phil.

I'll just find a safe place to keep it, you know, just for the night.

Goodnight, Abe.

Goodnight, Alexander.

And I can't forget you, Ben.

Man, I'm sleeping with the presidents.

Must be what Marilyn Monroe felt like.

What's for dinner?

Jazz, I told you to go home.

How fast were you going when you hit this?

Now, see here, homey.

My lady and I are trying to have an intimate moment.

Oh, I get it. Y ou're trying to make me jealous.

Well, it worked like a charm.

Beat it, buddy.

How dare you talk to me like that?

Do you have any idea who I am?

A really bad cook?

Trevor, could you excuse us for a moment, please?

I have never been so insulted in my life.

Blind people recognize me.

- I could kill you. - Okay, baby, hurt me.

Look, I am not going to let you screw this up for me.

Trevor is a wonderful man.

But I'm Jazz, the lover of all lovers.

I put the "afro" in aphrodisiac.

So lose the stiff, and I'll be waiting in the pool house.

And fix yourself up a little.

What happened to your friend?

Don't worry about him. What are you watching?

One of those silly sentimental films, formula stuff.

Can I watch with you?

Sure.

But I have to go home in a few minutes.

I don't want to alarm either one of you...

but it's about 20 degrees in here, and it's only going to get worse.

Carlton's log.

I hate Dad.

Y ou know, this wood is just too wet to ignite.

We need something dry.

I'm afraid it's going to have to be something that's...

near and dear to all of us.

Come on, Uncle Phil, at least knock him out first.

I'm talking about the money, Will.

Will.

Do you want to die with $25,000 by your side...

or do you want to live to see tomorrow?

I'm thinking, I'm thinking, all right?

- I'm afraid there's no other choice. - All right.

Look, can I just have a few minutes alone with the guys?

Okay.

Dad.

When you throw that money into the fire...

if I lose my head and leap in after it...

you'll pull me out, right?

Son, there are more important things in life than money.

Y eah, but I can't get a date, either.

All right, here's the money.

What?

- Was that Andrew or Ben? - It was Ben.

I'm sorry, Ben. Y ou was one of the few white people I could really count on.

Carlton's log.

Will has been reduced to a pathetic shell of his former self.

I, on the other hand, have the strength of 10 men.

Will's log is about to connect with Carlton's head!

Hey.

Hey, Will, give me the log.

That's not why I brought you two up here.

I really blew it.

All I wanted to do was spend some time with you before you went off to college.

Y ou know, there was a better way of doing it, Uncle Phil.

Perhaps a matinee and a box of Raisinets.

Raisinets? I hate Raisinets.

Can we get some Goobers?

It's not the same.

Some of the best memories of my life are camping with my father.

He taught me how to hunt and fish, how to pitch a tent.

I'm guessing he didn't teach you how to use a compass.

Now that he's gone...

I really miss him.

I really appreciate what we had together.

He was quite a man.

I learned so much from him.

That's decent, Uncle Phil.

At least you had somebody to teach you stuff, you know?

I had to learn everything on my own.

I mean, my mom was working all the time and everything.

Like, I wanted to roller skate...

but, you know, I didn't even really know how to do it.

So I used to put on one skate and push with the other foot.

Never seemed like I could be fast enough to keep up with the other kids, though.

Y ou know, actually that's how I felt when I came to Bel-Air, you know?

It's like everybody had two skates, and I was trying to keep up with one.

Thanks for my other skate, Uncle Phil.

For a long time it gave me nightmares...

having to witness an injustice like that.

It was a constant reminder of how unfair this world can be.

I can still hear them taunting him:

"Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids."

How come they just couldn't give him some cereal?

- Y ou guys, wake up. Wake up. - Whoa, man.

We made it. We made it. Uncle Phil, wake up.

Vivian, I'm not a machine!

Come on, Dad, it's morning.

What do you know, it stopped snowing.

Come on, let's get the hell out of here and find a Denny's.

Uncle Phil, if I ever agree to go camping with you all...

just hold my head underwater till I stop struggling.

- Here we go now. - Congratulations.

- What's up? - Right this way, guys, right this way.

Come right over here. Right over here.

Hey, guys, listen. I'm Ed Barker from station KCBE.

- Congratulations, guys. Y ou did it. - We did?

- That's right. Now what are your names? - Well, I'm innocent Will.

And this is Uncle Phil, attorney at law, and this is little Carlton.

He's trying to find his way back to the circus.

- What did we do? - And was it legal?

Homey, we was going to give the money back, man, but my uncle...

Give it back? It's yours to keep.

See, you just found the last clue in the KCBE scavenger hunt.

Y ou found the prize money.

Well, now tell me something, guys. How does it feel to be rich?

Terrible. Uncle Backdraft made us burn it.

- Y ou burned $50,000? - $50,000?

Y ou said it was $25,000.

I must have miscounted. Oh, well.

Taught me how to hunt, how to fish, how to pinch a tent...

y ou know, you pinch... y ou got to pinch it right down there.

Y ou know, right by the pole where they put in the...

Let's sketch it.

How to pinch a tent?

Come here, you cute /itt/e tent. /'m gonna pinch you.

You is a cute /itt/e tent.