Original subtitles

I love DC, but he can drive you up the wall sometimes.

We didn't expect to find what we were after on the first pop.

Good, DC makes a scene all over town.

- He must have dozens of stops. - Dozens?

- [Cahill] Informant's crossing Main. - Stay with him.

Maybe I shouldn't have said that, but I don't want to see you tense.

- It can't be good for you. - Excuse me, but I do not get tense.

We are trying not to be emotional. Alert, yes. Tense, no.

Oh, I am relieved.

Ingrid, when you come to dinner at the house,

would you mind wearing something in yellow?

Gregory, I look yuck in yellow.

Do make an effort, dear. It's Mother's favorite color.

Control, I'm getting hot.

- The informant is suspicious. - Try and stay with him to the alley.

- Graham's coming in down there. - Okay.

[Clanking]

Control, the informant has broken off contact.

I've lost him.

All agents, abandon present positions.

Converge on the alley running from Wetherby to Maple...

- Say! - Hi.

- Shh! - What do you mean, "shh"?

- What's going on here? - Quiet, please.

- Report to me when you reach it. - How dare you tell me to be quiet?

- What's this man doing here? - I want you to meet Mr. Kelso,

from the Federal Bureau of Investigations.

Please stop chattering, or leave the room.

Listen, mister, where do you get off telling me to leave my room?

I really have to ask you to be quiet, and that goes for...

Hi, there. Cahill, what happened to you?

- What's going on here? - Ingrid, be still.

It's a matter of life and death. I'll explain it to you later.

You'll get Tom Swift and his electric scoreboard out of here,

- or I'll call the police. - Don't call the police about the FBI.

- They won't come. - Approach the alley from the east.

- Rendezvous with Cahill. - I don't know about that.

That makes everything official.

Control, we've reached the rendezvous. All negative.

[Agent] Okay.

[Screeching]

There he is.

- [Cahill] I've got him. - Graham, Kelly, stay behind.

Cahill, Spires, circle ahead. We can't lose him again.

There he goes.

I'm not going to have hysterics.

I am going to ask everyone nicely to please leave my room.

- If you'll come out to the hallway... - I'm not going in the hall.

- Graham, where are you? - Not sure. I doubled back so much.

Never mind. Keep the informant in sight.

Bingo.

There he is, moving along a tree branch toward a light frame house.

[Agent] Control, I see him too.

There's a door on the balcony. He's trying to work it open.

- There are people in the room. - How many?

It's hard to tell, I just see shadows.

They're probably armed. Wait for Graham and the others.

I'm moving around to the front, Kelly's behind me.

- They're closing in. - Closing in what?

Spires and I can go in by the balcony.

There won't be any shooting? DC's in the middle of everything.

I hope not. We'll try to surprise them.

Oh, man.

- Front door is unlocked. - Good, use the stairs.

Cahill, Spires, are you in position?

Ready.

Go on in.

[Screaming]

- What's the idea? - The cat came in here.

Are you guys out of your mind? There's no...

[wheezing, sneezing]

What's the matt... Oh!

[Meowing]

Oh, you poor darling. Frightened to death.

That... [sneezing] cat!

[Honking]

- Oh, good morning, Mr. Benson. - Good morning, Mrs. MacDougall.

I hope Ingrid is feeling better this morning.

- Better? Is something wrong? - Well, I figured she was sick.

She had the doctor over last night.

Or leastwise, I assume he was the doctor.

Who else would be up there, in her room?

Exactly.

Mrs. MacDougall, exactly what time was this?

Look at the old buzzard. I can imagine what she's telling him.

"Of course it's none of my business, but there were men in Ingrid's room."

You won't tell him they're FBI people? No one must know.

What am I supposed to say? The Kiwanis Club is having fall maneuvers here?

You're a love. I know you won't give everything away.

Remember, Miss Miller's life hangs in the balance.

So does my car pool.

My reputation won't be worth a plug nickel unless you get them out.

We've got to think of Miss Miller and cooperate.

Of course, but the FBI has gotten along all these years

without using my room as a base of operation.

I want Mr. Whoever-He-Is, and his ham radio or whatever-that-is,

out of my room by the time I get home, or I'll become very difficult.

- Is that clear? - Yes, quite.

- Have a nice day. - Good morning, Ingrid.

- How do you feel this morning? - Be careful, Gregory.

Be extremely careful what you say.

I haven't had my coffee, and I'm in no mood

for stupid, irresponsible remarks.

Oh.

- [Knocking] - Come in.

- Kelso. - Yes, sir.

I was just looking at your report.

It probably sounds peculiar on paper. If I might amplify...

Only thing missing is Chester Conklin and the Max Sennett Bathing Girls.

That's very good.

- However, we did learn something. - Oh?

There are too many men on the detail.

The informant, that is, the cat, became suspicious.

I felt that we were crowding him a little too much.

That's about the same conclusion I reached.

- I've assigned the men to other work. - I won't need them.

As a matter of fact, I'm about to forget this whole cat angle.

You can go back to work on Johnny the Cooch.

As you know, I never wanted to be involved in this cat thing.

However, I would like to try one more time by myself.

How, single-handed and at night, are you gonna follow this animal?

- I'll use a small transmitter. - A trans...

- You wanna bug the cat? - That's right.

Okay, one more night. One. No more.

- Thank you, sir. - And don't try to be a hero.

- If you turn up anything, bring us in. - Absolutely, sir.

- I sure appreciate your help. - It's all right.

Our parents are away, so I can use their room.

Don't worry about your reputation. When it's over, we can explain

- what the men were doing in your room. - Thanks.

Then we'll restore your image as a nice, quiet, respectful girl,

- who wouldn't get involved with men. - Oh, please, dear.

I don't mind being respectable, but I don't want to be a cold potato.

I don't think there's danger of that, do you, Mr. Kelso?

- No, I hardly think so. - Thanks.

The collar's ready.

- Shall I slip it on the informant? - Oh, yes, please.

You'd never guess, would you? That's the bug.

- Bug? - Microphone.

And look, here's a miniature transmitting set.

Sweet, isn't it?

Wherever DC goes, Mr. Kelso can hear everything around him.

Conversation, music, footsteps, anything.

But suppose DC simply shakes him off his trail?

He did last night, didn't he?

Impossible. That's where the direction finder goes to work.

- Hey, be careful with that thing. - Absolutely.

DC has a built-in beeper in his collar, which sends out signals.

And the signals are picked up on this.

Just by turning it, Mr. Kelso can tell by that needle exactly where DC is.

- Oh, come on, Patti. - I'll prove it to you.

Look, I'll borrow the spare collar and hide you somewhere in the house,

- and we'll get Mr. Kelso to find you. - Don't be ridiculous.

I've got things to do, and I'm sure...

Don't you want to see how they spend your tax money?

You don't want him to think you're stuffy.

I couldn't care less whether he thinks I'm stuffy or not.

Go in there, it'll be fun. Here's the collar.

- Hey, this lock sticks. - No, it works like a charm.

See?

- Okay, Ingrid's all ready. - Good.

- Ready for what? - [Knocking]

Oh, Canoe.

- I promised I'd go to the drive-in. - It's almost 9:00.

- Can you get rid of him? - Yes, I'll do the Camille bit again.

- Is he liable to keep hanging around? - Possible.

- He's sweet, but flypaper. - Hey, keep your date with him.

Get him out of the neighborhood.

This is my last chance. I can't risk gumming it up.

I wanted to help.

This will help me. Now, please...

And, uh, hurry.

- All right. - [Knocking]

[Grunts]

- I'm ready. Let's go. - What's your hurry?

- I was gonna make a sandwich. - Are you out of your mind?

Do you want to miss Night of the Surfer,

starring Git Gladsby, "King of the Roaring Surf"?

- I thought they made you seasick. - Of course.

Don't they everybody?

Mr. Kelso, if you don't mind...

...let's get going. - It's not 9:00 yet.

Say that again.

[Ingrid] Let's get going.

Now, wait a minute.

Let's just try and pull ourselves together here a minute.

[Ingrid] Patti, you little wretch. Let me out of here.

Oh.

Hey.

- [Pounding] Patti! Let me out of here! - I'll get you out.

- Patti's gone to the movies. - Gone to the movies!

Something seems to be stuck here.

Well, open it. There's no air.

- I'm suffocating! - I'll go get a screwdriver.

[Ingrid] I'm suffocating! Let me out of here!

I'm sorry, but the cat's going out. I've got to follow it.

[Ingrid] Don't you dare follow that cat! Get me out of here.

[Pounding]

There's no air!

I'll be back just as soon as I can. Probably just an hour or two.

Lie down on the floor. There's usually more air there.

I'm gonna scream.

Worst thing you can do. Uses up all the air.

[Screaming]

I distinctly heard a woman scream.

Right, and if you don't keep away from that door, you'll hear another.

Okay, push.

I'd have that latch fixed, especially if you go in there a lot.

Excuse me, I've gotta run. I just hope I haven't lost the cat.

Go ahead and follow that cat.

When you find him, do me a favor.

The both of you, just please stay there.

[Beeping]

[Loud revving]

[Moans]

What?

[Barking]

Thank you, sir. Turn off your lights, please.

Good evening, sir. Enjoy the show.

Hey! You can't drive in without a car.

Come on.

[Meowing]

Lost something, mister? Your car, perhaps?

- What's that in your hand? - It's a litter meter.

Measures litter in public places.

- What business is it of yours? - Health inspector.

Boy, this place is a mess. Look at that. Pushes the needle off the scale.

I'll bet you got a lot of mice.

Sir, a mouse is no more permitted here than a man without a car.

Then how do you account for all these cats?

There goes another one.

- Inspector, where's your badge? - [Honking]

[Canoe] All I can say is, there's something weird going on.

[Patti] What do you mean, "weird"?

Well, like whose car is parked outside your house all the time?

Will you please stop grilling me and watch the screen?

[Patti] Look at that one. Isn't he something?

That's another thing. How come you're interested in surfing pictures?

I thought they made you seasick.

If you ask me, you're the one who's weird lately.

You always used to be so sweet.

I don't know what's happening. I'm all churned up inside.

Tell you what. Why don't you go to the snack stand

and get yourself a pizza to settle your stomach.

I don't feel like a pizza.

For Pete's sake, stop grumbling and watch the movie!

Oh, all these surfing pictures look alike.

- DC! - Hmm?

Oh, DC, what are you doing here?

- You should be out prowling. - What are you getting hysterical about?

- If he wants to stay, let him stay. - I will not.

You know what you're supposed to do. Now get with it.

Make the scene.

Take off.

[Coughing]

Does my smoking bother you?

[Patti] I love the smell of tobacco, it's the fumes from the matches.

- Can't you keep it lit? - All right, forget it.

I'm sorry. I guess neither of us are in a very good mood tonight.

You can say that again.

Why don't we just settle down and watch this fascinating movie?

[Many cars honking]

It's DC. What on earth's he doing there?

[Honking continues]

What are you... Don't do that. You'll disturb him.

- What do you think he's doing? - I'm sorry.

- You're not gonna upset that cat. - Get that cat down.

Burton, you stay right here.

Burton, keep your paws off of that cat.

[Honking continues]

Excuse me.

[Crashing]

Well, that was a fun picture.

- Take me home now, Canoe. - Home?

Haven't you seen enough of this thing?

I thought you liked it. It isn't halfway through.

Oh, please, Canoe.

You know, sometimes you're not the easiest person to get along with.

[Birds cooing]

That, uh, car's still here, I see.

Don't start that again. Good night, and thank you for the movie.

- I suppose I'm not coming in, huh? - Correct, and good night.

I warn you, sometime you're gonna push me too far.

I demand to know what's going on here.

Oh, don't be such a drag. Go home.

Well, you don't have to go away mad.

[Door slamming]

All right, let's go back to beddy-by.

Who, may I ask, put that table there?

I haven't the faintest idea.

- Which way did he go? - [Gasping]

Don't answer the door. Someone's shooting someone outside.

I know it's DC. They've shot him and are bringing back his lifeless body.

- [Screaming] - DC's all right. They missed him.

- You're lying. He's hurt. - Hold it down. I gotta call in.

I had a feeling he'd blow this case open.

- The robbers are in this neighborhood? - I don't want to jump to conclusions,

but we stirred up a hornet's nest. Kelso requesting Control. Emergency.

- [Sneezing] - [Knocking]

Oh, DC, there you are. Did they hurt you?

However did you find them?

I was trailing DC through a yard down the street,

and he roused up some pigeons, and person unknown

ripped off a shotgun blast at us.

- Main Control, go ahead. - Agent Kelso here, sir.

- I have something worth looking into. - That wasn't robbers.

That was your nasty Gregory.

Shooting at DC.

- Who's Gregory? - He lives down the street.

- He keeps pigeons. - Go ahead, Kelso.

- Oh, boy. - Kelso!

The situation I was just talking about, it just checked out.

Negative.

[Loud pounding]

Step aside, please. Where is he?

Where do you think you're going? To shoot DC?

I didn't shoot your rotten little beast, but I should have.

- Is anything wrong? - There most certainly is.

You're not going upstairs to murder DC in cold blood.

I am not after your moronic cat.

I'm after the man that was following him.

Yes, a prowler behaving in a very peculiar manner.

- Why don't we all go talk about it? - Ingrid!

I am going to go through every inch of this house

- and make sure he didn't sneak in here. - I've got to break communications.

- I hardly think that's necessary. - Nevertheless,

I am going up.

[Gregory] After all, there's just you two girls here,

and I would never forgive myself if I woke up

and found one of you had been murdered.

You've got nerve, bursting into my room.

[Gregory] Now, Ingrid, I want you to believe

that my paramount thought is for your safety.

[Patti] We're perfectly safe. There's no prowler here.

[Gregory] I am not a man for half-measures.

I shall not be content until I have searched every inch of this house.

Gregory Benson, I will not have you tramping around my room this way.

And put down that ridiculous thing before you shoot somebody.

Let me assure you, I am familiar with the handling of this firearm.

[Ingrid] I'm warning you,

if you don't get out this instant, this very instant...

[Gregory] I have no intention of leaving...

[meowing]

Excuse me. The wiring seems okay, Miss Randall.

- Wiring? - Yes, but don't hesitate to call.

- No, thank you. - Just a minute. Now you just wait!

I hope you don't think I am goof enough to believe that ridiculous story

about you being in that closet to fix that wiring.

- If I may... - Because...

...if you think I think that, you have another think coming.

Miss Randall, I'm afraid we'll have to take him into our confidence.

You will take me into nothing.

- I want nothing to do with you. - I'm certain when you hear...

I have borne witness to all the circumstances I care for one evening.

How come he knows your name?

Is he one of the men Mrs. MacDougall was talking about?

I couldn't say. Who do you think he is?

I shudder to think.

I really do.

I can say, it does open up a fascinating area for conjecture.

Oh, don't be such a complete floop, Gregory.

This is all perfectly easy to explain.

Don't say another word, or I'll slap your face.

- We're explaining nothing to him. - Well.

I hope you realize that Mother is going to take this all very badly.

- Doesn't she usually? - Ingrid.

There's no reason for you to cast a slur upon my mother.

At least she, after all, is an innocent party.

Yeah. Good night.

Oh, and just one more thing.

I suggest you find yourself another car pool.

Well, goodbye, Gregory.

Oh, Inky, I'm sorry. It was all my fault.

It's all for the best, I suppose.

Um, well, goodbye and thanks very much for your cooperation.

- Goodbye? - I've been assigned to a new lead.

I've got orders to wrap up the operation here.

Why?

Well, my boss thinks we're not getting anywhere with our cat surveillance.

I haven't come up with a shred of evidence

to connect the cat with the criminals.

But what about Miss Miller's watch?

The office just completed their report on all the jewelers

and watch repair people in this area.

Nothing turned up to indicate it belonged to Miller.

But it does. You know it does.

I don't know. It's a theory and without evidence, we can't waste time.

Oh, I think that's horrible. What about Miss Miller? Hmm?

You're gonna abandon her to the mercy of those criminals?

That's enough. Patti tends to over dramatize things.

What's worse, she has this diabolical knack of getting everybody involved.

No, it was a good idea, in a way.

We had to be sure. So long, Patti.

Goodbye. Oh, I'm sorry.

- Excuse me. - Sorry. Goodbye, now.

I don't know what you must think of me. Every time we met, I lost my temper.

That's all right. We meet all kinds.

That wasn't what I meant to say.

- I, um... - It's okay.

- So long, now. - Bye.

That fellow has a most attractive way of putting his foot in his mouth.

- What'd you say his name was? - Zeke Kelso.

Hmm. Well, no matter. Let's go to bed.

Tomorrow, if you don't mind, let's get the house back to normal.

Whatever you say.

More evidence.

That's what they want, is it?

Hey! Get out of it.

- No! No, no, no, no! - Why?

I wouldn't hear of it, absolutely not.

And besides, it's none of my business.

- That's all. - Of course it's your business.

That's ridiculous.

We can and we must save Miss Miller.

- No, I'm no hero. - Oh.

Look at me. Do I look like Elliot Ness?

- No. - That's the thing. I'm not a hero.

I wanna tell you, not only will I not get mixed up in this thing,

I'm extremely disinterested in the whole thing.

Don't get excited. Just do me a favor. Leave...

Please leave me alone.

- I'm very busy. - Just listen to me for a moment.

I know you very well, and I know you're a sweet man,

and you would never forgive yourself if something terrible happened,

and it could. I can just see the headlines.

"Mr. Hofstedder. He Could Have Saved Her."

Would it say that?

Of course, it would.

Wait a minute, don't get excited.

You don't have to do a thing, just back me up if I get in trouble.

- Who are you calling? - It's all right, just the FBI.

Oh, the FB... The FBI?

Well, sir, I just hated to give up on this cat angle.

Zeke, you know as well as I do, we haven't an iota of evidence

- to connect Miller with that watch. - [Buzzing]

- Yes? - Emergency call for Agent Kelso.

Put it through.

Agent Kelso speaking.

[With accent] This is Daphne Hofstedder speaking

of Hofstedder's Jewelry Store, 1833 West Mapleton Avenue.

Yes, may I help you?

I heard you were looking for information

concerning a certain watch.

- Yes, we are. - Well, a couple of weeks ago,

a woman came into the shop to buy a band for her watch.

Uh, what was the name? Oh.

- A Miss Margaret Miller. - Margaret Miller?

Would you describe this band that you sold to Miss Miller?

Uh... expandable.

Uh... it was gold-plated.

Rather inferior, not expensive.

- And the watch? - Seventeen jewels,

rather rectangular-shaped,

with raised filigree... things on the face.

Rectangular with raised filigree.

May I ask why you haven't come forward earlier with this?

Well, I was away... on my holiday...

...to Mexico, on a bus.

Will you be in town?

Yes, I will be here anytime you want to talk to me... on the phone.

Thank you very much for your cooperation.

Goodbye. That's it, the tie-up.

- Can I move? - Just a moment.

- Miss Hargrave? - Yes, sir?

Would you get me Mr. Hofstedder at 1833 West Mapleton, please?

- He's a jeweler. - Yes, sir.

- I don't buy that just yet. - Yes, sir.

I want to cross-check. Let me see that watch again.

[Buzzing]

- Yes? - Mr. Hofstedder on the line, sir.

Thank you.

How do you do?

I'm speaking for Mr. Kelso at 626-0025.

Did you place a call to this number moments ago?

[Whispering] It's the FBI.

Mr. Hofstedder?

Yes?

Yes. That was us.

My niece, from Mexico, you know.

Oh, the wristband. She...

She sold it. She's from Mexico.

No, I'm Mr. Hofstedder.

My niece sold it.

Thank you very much. I appreciate the cooperation.

We won't forget you. Goodbye.

Okay, that's it. Let's go.

Oh, thank you, thank you. You are a darling. Thank you.

I wonder what they meant when they said they wouldn't forget me.

- [Knocking] - It's me, Iggy.

- Found a spot. Found a spot. - Cool it.

Go into the kitchen. We got business.

Don't kill me. I won't give you away.

Now, take it easy. This has nothin' to do with you.

Now, into the kitchen, okay?

Don't let him do it, Dan.

You're not a murderer. You're not like he is.

Hey, wow. Listen to the con woman.

I... I don't want to die.

Who said anything about killing?

Come on, into the kitchen. Come on.

[Iggy and Dan talking]

How do I know you won't botch it?

This ain't amateur night. You happen to be talking to a pro.

Nice try. Another minute, you'd have had the fire department.

What did I tell you? You can't trust anybody.

Sorry, Moms, you can see how it is.

We can't afford to have you around no longer.

Come on.

[Coughing] Wait.

What goes on in that pea brain of yours?

I forgot about the loot. Forgot, forgot.

[Knocking]

- Who is it? - It's the landlady, Mrs. Tabin.

Go away, we're busy.

[Sniffing]

Is that smoke smell coming out of there?

No, it ain't, now beat it.

[Tabin] You open that door! I've got my pass key.

I'm coming in.

What's the idea?

You can't keep me out of here. City ordinance four, section 16.

We weren't trying to keep you out, just straightening up a bit.

- Don't like you to see it crumbed up. - That smoke smell is coming from here.

Those rotten cigars Iggy smokes. Kinda turn your stomach, don't they?

- Okay, where's the woman? - Who?

Your old lady. She's sick, ain't she? I brought her soup.

Now, that's very kind of you.

- Mmm. Smells good. - Vegetable.

She's in the bedroom. Too sick to see anyone.

- She's in rough shape, really bad. - [Under breath] Shut up.

I can't tell you how much we appreciate you coming.

Never mind the snow job. There are three people living in this apartment,

and that'll cost you...

Twenty bucks!

That makes us even.

Goodbye, and don't worry about Mother. She ain't gonna be with us long.

- You can say that again. - That don't mean you get the 20 back.

Of course not, Mrs. Tabin. Good night and sleep well.

You're going to bed as usual right after the news?

Just hold the noise down up here.

My sister come for a visit and she don't sleep good.

- Your sister is staying here? - Right, from Corona.

She's the prison matron out there.

Lucky I got that 20 back, right?

What if that hot serial number turned up in a drug or grocery store?

Forty thousand pads in this city.

And you gotta pick one on top of a human radar station!

She's got a sister that can't sleep nights,

because she's a head roach at the state birdhouse. Nice?

Now we got two of them flapping their ears,

waiting for us to do something stupid.

Control, Agent Graham in. Our unit in position.

Graham, you will monitor Agent Kelso's movements.

But initiate no action until you get the word from me. Clear?

[Graham] Affirmative.

Be prepared for the possibility of strong armed resistance.

All units, now stand by.

I've got a funny feeling about DC going out tonight.

Poor thing. Alone and helpless in the middle of all this.

Pull yourself together. That cat's as helpless as the U.S. Marine Corps.

[Phone ringing]

- Hello? - Hi, Patti.

- Hi, Canoe. - You feel all right?

- Fine. - Whatcha been doing today?

Oh, uh, nothing much.

Funny thing, I happened to be driving by the house a little while ago,

and you know, that same blue car is still parked out in front.

Really?

Well, um, [clears throat] is it all right if I come over for a while?

No, not tonight. I, uh...

Oh, I've got this ghastly headache.

You just said you felt fine a minute ago.

- Well, I meant fine, - [chiming]

Considering the condition I'm in.

Can't you ever understand?

Would you mind cutting that short?

Who was... Who was that talking?

Ingrid. Yes, it was Ingrid.

She always has this real deep voice when she first comes out of the shower.

Thanks a lot, dear.

Okay. You just get yourself a good night's sleep,

and I'll see you tomorrow.

Good night, Canoe.

Okay, dream girl, if that's the way you want to play it.

[Whispering] How about a push to get him started?

I'm afraid not, Mr. Newton.

See, that's the trouble. None of you really understand cats.

Now, if someone was to go along tonight,

someone whom he trusts...

No, Miss Randall.

But supposing DC loses you again?

He's really diabolically clever.

[Kelso] Look.

- Don't you think I... - [Ingrid] No!

[Bird tweeting]

He's on the back porch listening to a bird.

[Tweeting]

How I let myself be talked into this...

I thought Mr. Kelso said you were going to give up the cat theory.

We were, but a new lead came up today to support it.

Mr. Hofstedder rang Mr. Kelso about the watch,

or rather, his niece did. She...

How did you know about Hofstedder?

Well, um, his store is only a few blocks away from here,

and we're very good friends.

I mean, his niece and I are good friends.

Did Agent Kelso mention it to you?

- [Kelso] He's starting to move. - Easy, Zeke. Easy does it.

Well, as long as you won't be needing me...

- Where are you going? - None of your business.

I'm happy to get you out of the house,

- but what do you think you're doing? - There's something fishy next door,

and I won't close my eyes to it like you do.

I won't be an ostrich and bury my head in the sand.

Why don't you try it? It might improve your appearance.

I know my duty.

Good luck, old woman.

I always say, if you got a duty,

you ought to do it.

Get me the police.

Police? I want to report a prowler.

Yeah, he's dressed like an old woman.

Running around looking in windows. No telling what he's up to.

Yeah, and tell your men to be careful.

He's dangerous.

That's the 402, all right.

- [Screams] - All right, relax, buddy.

- Just take it nice and easy. - [Screaming]

Never mind the hokey scream. We know who you are.

- Careful, this guy might be dangerous. - Guy?

I don't know what you're talking about. [Laughing]

I don't want to tell you how to run your business,

but if I was on a job, I wouldn't wear women's clothes.

You don't have the face for it. Now, come on.

[Screaming]

[Squelching]

[Squelching]

[Motor revving]

Control, I've lost visual contact with the informant.

- You make him on the scope? - I have a faint signal.

He's headed towards the pike.

[Kelso] On a line 100 feet north of this position.

Okay. Report as soon as you pick up your visual.

Yes, sir.

(music) Oh, it's unloading time It's unloading time

(music) It's unloading time Oh, it's unloading time

(music) Unloading time Unloading time

- [knocking] - Iggy.

Hey. Know what I got? You ready for this?

I got a laundry truck, filled with old bags of laundry.

- She's in the bedroom. Make it quick. - Will I. Will I!

- [Meowing] - What'd you bring that thing in for?

Hey, fella, where did you come from, huh?

You just wait here one minute.

I got a little business to do, then I'll give you milk.

- [Meowing on radio] - [Dan] Get rid of that cat,

and go in and finish her off.

[Iggy] Think it's best to do the job here or in the truck?

[Dan] Here, we don't have to fight her down the stairs.

This is it, Control. 132 Eighth Street.

Okay, we got it. All units, move in.

Kelso, hold off till we get there.

- [Meowing over radio] - I can't wait, sir.

I've got a situation here that's breaking wide open.

Iggy, get this thing off of me, will you?

- Get it off! - It's just my old buddy.

Your old buddy. Get him out of here.

What's the matter?

- Hey, look. - Shh.

- You stupe, the cat's bugged. - [Knocking]

Hello, there. I thought you could help. I seem to have lost a cat.

Oh, yes, I was wondering who that cat belonged to.

- Come right in. - Thank you.

You know, till you have a pet of your own, you really...

- Ah, there it is. - [Meowing]

- I hope he hasn't bothered you. - No, not at all.

I guess you've been missing your old daddy, hmm?

- He likes to play games. - Doesn't seem to like you very much.

Actually, it's my wife's cat.

Yes, to be very honest with you, we barely tolerate each other.

- [Dan] You live in this building? - [Kelso] Near the front.

- Funny, I haven't seen you. - Funny.

I work nights. Engineer at the aircraft plant.

Interesting thing about that cat,

had a thing on its collar.

I could be wrong, but it looked like a miniature radio transmitter.

I tell you, he is a character.

Always saying to my wife, "What's he gonna drag home next?"

[Dan] You know something, mister? I don't think that's your cat.

And I don't think you're an engineer at the aircraft plant.

And I don't think you have a little wife who lives upstairs near the front.

[Knocking]

- Iggy. - [Meowing]

Oh, there you are, lambie pie.

And you found him! Oh, my sweet darling.

We've been so worried about you, haven't we, dearest?

Yes, we certainly have.

I'd rather handle it now, dear. You run back upstairs.

- Not at all. I want to help. - Aren't you young to be married?

Why not? We were in love. L'amour toujours, you understand.

Too bad lambie pie didn't buy you a wedding ring.

She's always losing things.

- I found your cat. You run along. - Why don't we all go?

No need to impose on these nice gentlemen anymore.

- Come on. - [Dan] One minute.

Now who's kidding who, huh?

Dear, would you let go of my arm, please?

Iggy, get the money together. We're cutting out.

- What about the old broad? - Change of plans. Forget her.

We'll take Miss Nosy here instead.

- And I'll take care of you, copper. - You'd be advised to leave her out.

- You're telling me what to do? - That's right.

- Please be careful. - Now, sweetness, I wouldn't hurt you.

I don't care about you, but DC's getting frightened,

and he always behaves so badly when... Get him, DC!

Hold it.

Hey!

What are you doing? No, no, that's my money.

Go away.

Let me go. Ow!

My money, my money.

- Oh, no. - [Meowing]

[Iggy] That darn cat.

[Patti] Is that too much?

If DC wasn't bad enough before, there'll be no living with him now.

Look at this one. He's not a bit afraid.

He has a nice jaw line, and this picture makes it look as though

- he had a double chin. - Who?

Zeke. Can you imagine the girl that marries him?

Mrs. Zeke Kelso.

It sounds like something that got caught in a clothes dryer.

Wow. Would you like to see how your gentleman friend spends his nights?

Canoe! [laughing]

The poor darling. How do you suppose he did that?

- I don't know. I'll get it. - [Honking]

What in the world was he doing caught in a garage door?

I haven't the faintest idea.

- Good morning. - Gregory, I'm surprised to see you.

Good morning, Patricia.

Ah, how is our little celebrity this morning?

Ow!

- Bad cat. - Quick little rascal, isn't he?

I may not be home for dinner. I'll phone you later.

- Fine, have a nice time. - I knew all the time, of course,

that nothing was wrong. I felt happy to see in the morning papers

that my faith in you was justified.

Mother said I should hurry over here as though nothing had happened.

She forgives you for all the anxiety you've caused her.

Thank you, Gregory.

- Thanks, old man. - I believe you two have met.

Mr. Kelso, Mr. Benson. Mr. Kelso is in law enforcement.

- Mr. Benson is a duck hunter. - Really?

I hope you have a license for it. So long, now.

Goodbye, Gregory. Regards to your mother.

Well!

[Crashing]

- Sorry, Mr. Benson. - Hi, Canoe.

I, uh, wondered who that car belonged to.

Mm-hm. Ingrid's new car pool.

- Great, isn't he? - Yeah.

Uh, Patti, I don't know how to say this.

- I'm kind of ashamed. - Canoe.

Whatever happens, you must never be afraid to look me in the eye.

Oh, that's not it. I got a stiff neck last night.

How did you get stuck in that door?

Well, that's just it.

It happened when... Well, that guy there...

- Well, I was following you. - Following me?

- Why? - Well...

...you and that guy, and you wouldn't let me in the house.

Well, what was I supposed to think?

Canoe, don't tell me you were jealous.

And you didn't think of your stomach, not once?

- How do you feel now? - Like, miserable.

You do? Why, that's marvelous.

You're really beginning to mature.

Tell you what, let's go into the kitchen,

and you can make a big weird sandwich, and you can tell me all about it.

- Okay. - Okay.

You might as well wait for me. It'll save time.

I'm going into the house to murder someone.

Oh, Wilmer, don't try to hide.

Come out and take your medicine like a man.

Wilmer!

(music) Now, our cat's been paid every accolade

(music) And he's earned all his acclaim

(music) In a blaze of glory He ends our story

(music) In the feline Hall of Fame

(music) But the way life goes

(music) In a year, who knows

(music) From the family he begat

(music) You may wind up with one of May be the son of

(music) That darn cat (music)

5@y3