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In the early aughts,
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00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:06,114
looking to cement his power
and overthrow Yeltsin loyalists,
3
00:00:06,202 --> 00:00:09,157
President Vladimir Putin looked
to some of his closest allies
4
00:00:09,245 --> 00:00:11,124
from his former KGB days.
5
00:00:11,211 --> 00:00:13,593
One such man
is Dimislav Molokov,
6
00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:14,995
a devout Russian Orthodox man
7
00:00:15,082 --> 00:00:18,437
who at the time ran a small
dairy farm in Rostov Oblast.
8
00:00:18,564 --> 00:00:21,034
Putin invited Mr. Molokov
to the Kremlin,
9
00:00:21,122 --> 00:00:22,670
where he sampled his milk.
10
00:00:22,757 --> 00:00:24,404
Molokov struck gold.
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00:00:24,491 --> 00:00:25,805
White gold, that is.
12
00:00:25,892 --> 00:00:28,241
Putin liked it so much that
in the ensuing months,
13
00:00:28,329 --> 00:00:30,283
there was a systematic
shutdown of dairy farms
14
00:00:30,371 --> 00:00:31,386
across the country,
15
00:00:31,474 --> 00:00:34,081
which Mr. Molokov snapped up
for literal pennies.
16
00:00:34,296 --> 00:00:35,875
The farmers who opposed
the purchases
17
00:00:35,963 --> 00:00:39,466
from the newly minted oligarch,
now known simply as Dima,
18
00:00:39,554 --> 00:00:41,865
were either incarcerated
for opposition politics
19
00:00:41,953 --> 00:00:44,123
or simply never heard
from again.
20
00:00:44,444 --> 00:00:46,712
And while most of you think
how does one become
21
00:00:46,800 --> 00:00:48,562
a multi-billionaire from milk?
22
00:00:48,649 --> 00:00:50,497
The answer is simple.
23
00:00:50,584 --> 00:00:52,505
He also mines uranium.
24
00:00:52,608 --> 00:00:54,163
Say what now?
25
00:00:56,056 --> 00:01:00,039
The point is... the point
is Russia **** up.
26
00:01:06,180 --> 00:01:08,695
That's not a joke.
He doesn't need to make jokes.
27
00:01:08,783 --> 00:01:10,318
He's just pointing out
how messed up Russia is.
28
00:01:10,405 --> 00:01:12,120
He does the news better
than the news does.
29
00:01:12,207 --> 00:01:13,454
What are you
talking about?
30
00:01:13,541 --> 00:01:14,522
That was the news.
31
00:01:14,609 --> 00:01:16,548
All he did was swear
and make a stupid face.
32
00:01:16,636 --> 00:01:17,739
All right, guys.
Listen to me.
33
00:01:17,826 --> 00:01:20,748
We are in the middle of a very
dangerous situation right now.
34
00:01:20,836 --> 00:01:22,996
Dealing with an oligarch
who's forcing your father
35
00:01:23,084 --> 00:01:24,125
to marry his daughter
36
00:01:24,213 --> 00:01:26,333
all because my father
is running a black market
37
00:01:26,421 --> 00:01:29,137
of Canadian homo milk that's
undercutting his monopoly.
38
00:01:29,224 --> 00:01:32,006
See? Russia **** up.
You don't need to make jokes.
39
00:01:32,093 --> 00:01:33,474
Why don't we
just run away?
40
00:01:33,561 --> 00:01:34,764
Yeah, there's not that
many guards.
41
00:01:34,851 --> 00:01:36,233
We can probably outrun 'em.
I'm not doing that.
42
00:01:36,320 --> 00:01:37,583
I'm not putting you guys
in any more danger.
43
00:01:37,670 --> 00:01:40,548
Let's just have your dad
say his fake "I do's"
44
00:01:40,635 --> 00:01:42,483
and take his Russian bride
back to the states,
45
00:01:42,570 --> 00:01:44,485
where we will deal with this
diplomatically
46
00:01:44,572 --> 00:01:45,419
with the State Department.
47
00:01:45,506 --> 00:01:46,687
Okay?
Trust me.
48
00:01:46,774 --> 00:01:48,476
This is no picnic
for your dad, either.
49
00:01:51,836 --> 00:01:54,618
You're so funny!
50
00:01:54,762 --> 00:01:56,030
It's the vodka.
51
00:01:56,117 --> 00:02:00,409
It make me funny!
It's the voice, too.
52
00:02:00,854 --> 00:02:02,236
Kiss me.
53
00:02:02,323 --> 00:02:03,588
Hmm?
54
00:02:03,676 --> 00:02:05,667
Okay, umm...
55
00:02:06,295 --> 00:02:08,051
- Hey!
- Yeah?
56
00:02:09,976 --> 00:02:11,086
Ow.
57
00:02:11,174 --> 00:02:12,422
Can't sample milk
58
00:02:12,510 --> 00:02:13,987
until you're paid
for the cow.
59
00:02:17,472 --> 00:02:20,517
Sergeant Pepper
is such a dick.
60
00:02:20,687 --> 00:02:24,556
Man singing in Russian...
61
00:02:27,957 --> 00:02:30,056
*THE DETOUR*
Season 04 Episode 10
62
00:02:30,207 --> 00:02:32,011
*THE DETOUR*
Episode Title: "The Groom"
63
00:02:43,590 --> 00:02:44,918
- Hey.
- Oh, hey.
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00:02:45,006 --> 00:02:46,921
I can't do it.
I can't do this marriage thing.
65
00:02:47,009 --> 00:02:48,231
Look what
she makes me wear.
66
00:02:48,342 --> 00:02:49,677
I say
I just keep stalling
67
00:02:49,765 --> 00:02:50,870
until maybe
your dad shows up.
68
00:02:50,957 --> 00:02:52,301
That's who this Dima guy
wants, anyway.
69
00:02:52,388 --> 00:02:54,237
Bill, honey, my dad is not
showing up, all right?
70
00:02:54,324 --> 00:02:56,619
He's not some hand of God
who cares more about his family
71
00:02:56,707 --> 00:02:57,709
than he does risking
his own life.
72
00:02:57,796 --> 00:02:58,742
- That's not gonna happen.
- Okay, then,
73
00:02:58,830 --> 00:03:00,388
I say we make
a run for it. Okay?
74
00:03:00,476 --> 00:03:01,898
- I was talking to Nico.
- I don't know who that is.
75
00:03:01,985 --> 00:03:03,230
That's the ponytail guy.
76
00:03:03,318 --> 00:03:04,637
Sergei?
77
00:03:04,818 --> 00:03:07,375
One of the names. Okay, anyway,
he said a couple of his workers
78
00:03:07,463 --> 00:03:08,479
escaped through the mines.
79
00:03:08,566 --> 00:03:09,903
- The uranium mines?
- Yeah.
80
00:03:09,991 --> 00:03:11,981
Are you out of your...
No, honey, we're not doing that.
81
00:03:12,068 --> 00:03:12,902
You know
what you're gonna do?
82
00:03:12,990 --> 00:03:14,042
You're gonna marry
this ugly Russian broad.
83
00:03:14,129 --> 00:03:15,176
We're gonna go back
to the States,
84
00:03:15,263 --> 00:03:16,467
and we're gonna be
a family, okay?
85
00:03:16,554 --> 00:03:19,016
I don't want to marry
a stranger, okay?
86
00:03:19,104 --> 00:03:23,183
Future husband!
87
00:03:23,270 --> 00:03:25,983
Where are you in here?
88
00:03:26,166 --> 00:03:28,423
That's her?
Yeah, she's gross.
89
00:03:29,272 --> 00:03:31,276
- Hey.
- Ugh.
90
00:03:31,364 --> 00:03:33,786
- It's so gross in here.
- I know. I just said that.
91
00:03:41,507 --> 00:03:43,750
Mm! Mm. Mnh-mnh.
92
00:03:46,791 --> 00:03:49,588
- Let's go.
- Yeah. Yeah, I will. I-I'll catch up.
93
00:03:49,676 --> 00:03:52,082
I'm just gonna finish
yelling at these milkers.
94
00:03:52,525 --> 00:03:54,281
"Milkieskers."
"Milkies."
95
00:03:54,369 --> 00:03:56,309
Hey, hey, can we circle back
to the thing...
96
00:03:56,397 --> 00:03:57,263
- Your thing about leaving?
- Yeah.
97
00:03:57,351 --> 00:03:58,963
- Yeah.
- Let's make a run for it.
98
00:04:00,640 --> 00:04:01,955
We should not be in here.
99
00:04:02,039 --> 00:04:03,758
Yeah, a Uranus mine
doesn't sound safe.
100
00:04:03,845 --> 00:04:05,345
It's fine.
Just don't breathe too deeply.
101
00:04:05,432 --> 00:04:07,414
Yet another stupid plan
made by the Parkers.
102
00:04:07,502 --> 00:04:09,497
- Hey, you're a Parker, too, you know?
- Oh, my God.
103
00:04:09,584 --> 00:04:11,299
Okay, and you've made
plenty of stupid plans.
104
00:04:11,386 --> 00:04:12,567
You can't escape your genes.
105
00:04:12,654 --> 00:04:13,741
Look at this one.
106
00:04:13,829 --> 00:04:15,616
He doesn't want to be
like his mom, but he is.
107
00:04:15,703 --> 00:04:17,438
- I'm not like my mom.
- I wanna be like my mom.
108
00:04:17,525 --> 00:04:19,440
Your mom's dead. No, she's not.
She lives in Italy.
109
00:04:19,527 --> 00:04:20,969
- How could you not tell me this?
- I know.
110
00:04:21,056 --> 00:04:22,443
It's the one place
I've always wanted to go.
111
00:04:22,530 --> 00:04:24,544
Why would you think that?
Why are you so surprised by any of this?
112
00:04:24,631 --> 00:04:25,780
I'm
already assuming that her mom
113
00:04:25,867 --> 00:04:28,316
is just another crazy sister
that wants to have sex with Dad.
114
00:04:28,403 --> 00:04:29,650
Wait,
what's wrong with your voice?
115
00:04:29,737 --> 00:04:31,248
Nothing. I think
it's just an echo in here.
116
00:04:31,335 --> 00:04:33,863
No, your voice
definitely sounds higher tahn it should.
117
00:04:33,950 --> 00:04:36,711
Your voice sounds...
118
00:04:36,801 --> 00:04:38,817
- We gotta go. We gotta go.
- Guys, guys, guys, guys,
119
00:04:38,904 --> 00:04:41,260
keep your voices down, please!
120
00:04:41,348 --> 00:04:42,838
What's the point?
They're already high.
121
00:04:42,925 --> 00:04:44,790
- Yeah, I'm going back.
- No, stop, stop!
122
00:04:44,878 --> 00:04:46,474
Stop!
No, what are you doing?
123
00:04:46,562 --> 00:04:49,137
We just got this family
back together, okay?
124
00:04:49,224 --> 00:04:50,314
The core four.
125
00:04:50,402 --> 00:04:52,984
We've gone through hell
trying to keep us together.
126
00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:55,209
Please, don't rip us
apart again.
127
00:04:55,381 --> 00:04:57,153
I don't even know why you guys
want me back.
128
00:04:57,281 --> 00:04:59,262
You do realize we're 18
in 2 years, right?
129
00:04:59,404 --> 00:05:01,720
Yes, but we want to be
in your life forever.
130
00:05:01,832 --> 00:05:03,778
Yeah, just like you guys are
in your parents' life forever.
131
00:05:03,865 --> 00:05:05,154
That's different.
Our parents are shitty.
132
00:05:05,241 --> 00:05:07,584
So are mine!
And we're in a mine.
133
00:05:08,911 --> 00:05:10,661
Sorry. It sounded
really funny in my head.
134
00:05:10,971 --> 00:05:12,827
I think it's all the
poisonous gases we're inhaling.
135
00:05:12,914 --> 00:05:14,633
You know, you guys pay
a lot of lip service
136
00:05:14,721 --> 00:05:16,244
to this family
is everything bullshit,
137
00:05:16,332 --> 00:05:18,016
but I don't see a lot
of evidence of it.
138
00:05:18,104 --> 00:05:20,368
Delilah. You know what the
happiest moments of my life was?
139
00:05:20,455 --> 00:05:21,970
Let me guess.
Sitting on the beach,
140
00:05:22,057 --> 00:05:23,571
watching me play
in the water.
141
00:05:23,658 --> 00:05:25,039
Did you tell her
my speech?
142
00:05:25,126 --> 00:05:26,978
We spent a lot of time together
in the last little while.
143
00:05:27,065 --> 00:05:28,186
We didn't have anything else
to talk about.
144
00:05:28,273 --> 00:05:29,510
What do you want
from us?
145
00:05:29,597 --> 00:05:31,912
Please, just tell us,
and we will deliver.
146
00:05:31,999 --> 00:05:33,757
I promise.
147
00:05:35,260 --> 00:05:37,696
First, let's just get the hell
out of this mine.
148
00:05:37,784 --> 00:05:39,196
Well...
149
00:05:39,590 --> 00:05:41,381
- that we can do.
- Let's do it.
150
00:05:41,469 --> 00:05:43,123
Your mom and I always know
where we're going.
151
00:05:43,210 --> 00:05:44,783
Let's get some.
Shit.
152
00:05:44,871 --> 00:05:47,052
- Oh, no!
- You can't even hear that.
153
00:05:47,268 --> 00:05:51,252
I know. The helium of the mine
is fun to talk with.
154
00:05:51,419 --> 00:05:53,745
Makes you sound like you're
in a popular Russian show
155
00:05:53,902 --> 00:05:56,167
"Ivan and Squirrels."
156
00:05:56,465 --> 00:05:58,447
Ivan!
157
00:05:58,925 --> 00:06:00,432
Ivan!
158
00:06:01,935 --> 00:06:05,197
And we also use it
to test for leaks.
159
00:06:05,300 --> 00:06:09,326
You need intensive
toxic cleansing.
160
00:06:09,445 --> 00:06:11,894
- Aah!
- Ow!
161
00:06:11,998 --> 00:06:13,379
- Ow!
- Shit!
162
00:06:16,626 --> 00:06:18,541
The loofah's
a little scratchy.
163
00:06:22,027 --> 00:06:23,577
Better?
164
00:06:23,916 --> 00:06:26,499
Ehh.
A little bit.
165
00:06:30,833 --> 00:06:32,767
Don't tickle me.
Get in there.
166
00:07:21,575 --> 00:07:24,603
I always wanted to moved
to downtown Syracuse,
167
00:07:24,846 --> 00:07:28,257
but my father said he wants
to buy us a house at Stratmore.
168
00:07:30,251 --> 00:07:31,379
You know what's funny?
169
00:07:31,467 --> 00:07:33,234
You strike me a
modern-day feminist woman
170
00:07:33,321 --> 00:07:35,368
who doesn't need
to obey her father.
171
00:07:35,657 --> 00:07:37,560
Why don't we skip this whole
wedding thing
172
00:07:37,648 --> 00:07:38,639
and move right to America
173
00:07:38,726 --> 00:07:40,841
and talk directly
to immigration?
174
00:07:40,929 --> 00:07:44,514
What is word "feminist"?
Dip. Oh, yeah. Sorry.
175
00:07:44,777 --> 00:07:46,491
Drag.
Yeah.
176
00:07:46,682 --> 00:07:49,144
Feminist is like equal rights,
men and women, you know?
177
00:07:49,232 --> 00:07:50,747
50/50.
178
00:07:51,006 --> 00:07:55,189
It's freedom to do whatever you
want including wearing flats.
179
00:07:55,276 --> 00:08:00,528
Russia have equal rights,
50/50 for many years.
180
00:08:00,615 --> 00:08:02,997
It was called Communism.
181
00:08:03,084 --> 00:08:04,532
It didn't work.
182
00:08:04,619 --> 00:08:07,078
The world of equality
in dystopia
183
00:08:07,166 --> 00:08:09,938
where only ugly lesbians
are happy.
184
00:08:10,025 --> 00:08:12,273
I want an American life.
185
00:08:12,360 --> 00:08:15,810
Looking beautiful,
having children,
186
00:08:15,897 --> 00:08:20,548
wearing high heels,
watching fireworks.
187
00:08:22,986 --> 00:08:25,081
- Who doesn't?
- Mnh-mnh. Mnh-mnh.
188
00:08:26,455 --> 00:08:28,523
- You did good.
- Thanks.
189
00:08:35,180 --> 00:08:37,538
Again? Jesus.
190
00:08:40,684 --> 00:08:43,703
Hello, sir?
Hi, sir.
191
00:08:44,029 --> 00:08:46,340
Can I just have a moment
of your time?
192
00:08:46,569 --> 00:08:48,549
Listen, I want to talk
about your daughter.
193
00:08:48,663 --> 00:08:50,503
Your daughter will
do anything you say.
194
00:08:50,591 --> 00:08:51,646
She loves you.
195
00:08:51,733 --> 00:08:54,539
If you just went up to her
and said, "Look, this guy Nate."
196
00:08:54,627 --> 00:08:55,787
Who's Nate?
197
00:08:55,875 --> 00:08:57,318
I'm Nate.
198
00:08:57,405 --> 00:08:59,053
And you said,
"Nate is such a loser."
199
00:08:59,140 --> 00:09:00,894
I've already done that.
200
00:09:01,053 --> 00:09:02,634
Good, good, yeah,
201
00:09:02,944 --> 00:09:04,861
then you just put your foot
down about this wedding.
202
00:09:04,948 --> 00:09:06,927
Say no. I know
you don't want this to happen.
203
00:09:07,014 --> 00:09:09,269
I could find her another guy
to marry in a second.
204
00:09:09,357 --> 00:09:10,606
Trust me, I've tried.
205
00:09:10,886 --> 00:09:13,267
She'll say, "I'll only marry
a man from Syracuse."
206
00:09:13,354 --> 00:09:16,912
So I invite whole plane
of losers from Syracuse area
207
00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:18,961
just to show her
how much they suck.
208
00:09:19,226 --> 00:09:21,476
Pay for elaborate
Russian bride bullshit thing,
209
00:09:21,639 --> 00:09:24,666
and she says, "I like the guy,
but no, he's from Ithaca.
210
00:09:24,832 --> 00:09:27,320
That guy okay, but no,
he's from Binghampton."
211
00:09:27,408 --> 00:09:29,924
No to guy from Rochester.
Then you show up from Syracuse.
212
00:09:30,012 --> 00:09:31,726
What's so great about
Syracuse?
213
00:09:31,814 --> 00:09:33,329
I Google, it sucks!
214
00:09:33,417 --> 00:09:34,884
- It's got its charms.
- What?
215
00:09:34,972 --> 00:09:36,662
Erie Canal Museum
is shit.
216
00:09:36,778 --> 00:09:38,359
It was quite
an engineering feat.
217
00:09:38,446 --> 00:09:40,361
I mean, 18 aqueducts,
72 locks,
218
00:09:40,470 --> 00:09:43,401
but you don't care about
shipping history,
219
00:09:43,489 --> 00:09:46,071
connecting the Great Lakes
to the Atlantic.
220
00:09:46,682 --> 00:09:48,436
Listen, your daughter's
such a beautiful woman.
221
00:09:48,523 --> 00:09:49,797
Then you marry.
222
00:09:49,885 --> 00:09:51,530
That's the problem.
I-I can't.
223
00:09:51,688 --> 00:09:53,563
I'm kind of
already married.
224
00:09:54,796 --> 00:09:56,661
To homo milk man's
daughter?
225
00:09:56,905 --> 00:09:58,266
Yeah.
226
00:09:59,667 --> 00:10:01,007
Okay.
227
00:10:01,385 --> 00:10:02,632
I'm religious man.
228
00:10:02,743 --> 00:10:05,067
I respect those who enter
the holiest matrimony
229
00:10:05,155 --> 00:10:06,254
in the face of God.
230
00:10:06,341 --> 00:10:08,896
You show proof for married,
I no force you.
231
00:10:09,942 --> 00:10:12,193
And that's
the second problem.
232
00:10:12,318 --> 00:10:13,967
We never
officially actually
233
00:10:14,055 --> 00:10:15,529
ever got around
to getting married.
234
00:10:15,617 --> 00:10:17,040
Why not?
235
00:10:18,143 --> 00:10:19,177
I don't know.
236
00:10:19,265 --> 00:10:21,855
Well, then, you're getting
married to my daughter tomorrow.
237
00:10:23,415 --> 00:10:24,827
And that's final?
That's...?
238
00:10:26,670 --> 00:10:29,401
I get it.
You've got a tank.
239
00:10:29,489 --> 00:10:30,552
I've just got roller sk...
240
00:10:30,640 --> 00:10:31,853
Whoa!
241
00:10:32,700 --> 00:10:34,367
Finally getting the hang
of these.
242
00:10:36,644 --> 00:10:40,079
I did not mean to put my mouth
on your penis.
243
00:10:42,941 --> 00:10:44,722
I'm very sorry.
244
00:10:52,694 --> 00:10:54,008
I'll leave.
245
00:11:01,062 --> 00:11:04,067
By the power vested in me
by the great state of Alaska...
246
00:11:04,155 --> 00:11:05,979
- I wonder if I'm still the mayor.
- You're not.
247
00:11:06,066 --> 00:11:07,981
The box turtle
won a special election.
248
00:11:08,069 --> 00:11:09,117
Oh, good for Nigel.
249
00:11:09,204 --> 00:11:10,919
Well, with the little power
I have left,
250
00:11:11,006 --> 00:11:12,972
I now pronounce
you husband and wife.
251
00:11:16,084 --> 00:11:17,799
I know this doesn't
change anything.
252
00:11:18,013 --> 00:11:19,695
It's gonna help me
get through this, okay,
253
00:11:19,783 --> 00:11:20,926
and I know this isn't
your dream wedding,
254
00:11:21,013 --> 00:11:23,723
but at least
you're still in white.
255
00:11:24,285 --> 00:11:26,066
- I just love you so much.
- I love you, too, but baby,
256
00:11:26,153 --> 00:11:28,274
I think they're asking us
to go in there and... do it.
257
00:11:29,678 --> 00:11:32,613
Are you suggesting
we go in there and...
258
00:11:32,701 --> 00:11:34,942
Oh, that's...
Bless your heart.
259
00:11:35,030 --> 00:11:37,419
That's very sweet,
but these are our kids.
260
00:11:37,507 --> 00:11:39,574
- That'd be weird.
- You know we really don't care anymore.
261
00:11:39,661 --> 00:11:40,812
Yeah, between the farting
and the cud chewing,
262
00:11:40,899 --> 00:11:42,313
we really can't hear anything.
263
00:11:42,401 --> 00:11:43,576
Yeah, no,
it's way too weird.
264
00:11:43,664 --> 00:11:44,685
Thank you, though.
Thank you.
265
00:11:44,772 --> 00:11:46,096
Okay, well,
we're gonna be in here.
266
00:11:46,183 --> 00:11:47,974
Don't be too loud.
267
00:11:50,995 --> 00:11:53,044
Actually... actually,
you know what, babe?
268
00:11:53,148 --> 00:11:54,828
I think we should consummate
this thing.
269
00:11:54,916 --> 00:11:56,576
It's our wedding night. Come on,
let's do it. All right. All right.
270
00:11:56,663 --> 00:11:58,339
Let's do it.
Thank you.
271
00:11:58,985 --> 00:12:02,373
Oh, it's lovely.
You got a beautiful home.
272
00:12:02,461 --> 00:12:03,906
Look at that.
I love it.
273
00:12:05,299 --> 00:12:08,509
Okay. Oh, oh.
Wait a minute. Hold on.
274
00:12:13,334 --> 00:12:14,595
Aah!
275
00:12:28,116 --> 00:12:31,032
Singing in Russian...
276
00:12:41,955 --> 00:12:44,137
You look like
Czar Feodore the Third.
277
00:12:44,225 --> 00:12:45,245
Thank you.
278
00:12:45,333 --> 00:12:47,181
He was sickly due
to the inbreeding
279
00:12:47,268 --> 00:12:49,725
and being kicked
in head by horse.
280
00:12:49,813 --> 00:12:52,197
Wore a diaper
to the coronation
281
00:12:52,285 --> 00:12:55,589
and could not
put his hat on, either.
282
00:12:56,144 --> 00:12:59,324
Okay, okay.
It's just so tight.
283
00:13:04,333 --> 00:13:05,847
You look good.
284
00:13:06,046 --> 00:13:07,761
I feel like an idiot.
285
00:13:10,011 --> 00:13:11,859
I'm sorry we're such
shitty parents.
286
00:13:11,947 --> 00:13:13,100
Don't be.
287
00:13:13,188 --> 00:13:15,420
You're marrying the daughter
of a Russian oligarch
288
00:13:15,508 --> 00:13:18,374
so we can get back to Syracuse
and live a normal, boring life.
289
00:13:18,633 --> 00:13:21,683
You're doing all this for less
than two years family time.
290
00:13:21,770 --> 00:13:24,654
You're not great parents,
but you're not shitty.
291
00:13:25,428 --> 00:13:26,810
That means a lot.
292
00:13:27,056 --> 00:13:29,056
- Don't start crying.
- I always cry at weddings.
293
00:13:29,644 --> 00:13:31,286
Aw, shit.
294
00:13:31,446 --> 00:13:32,760
Now I gotta ride.
No, get up, please.
295
00:13:32,847 --> 00:13:34,428
I'm not stepping
on your back. Okay?
296
00:13:34,515 --> 00:13:37,793
I'll get on the...
small horse myself.
297
00:13:38,099 --> 00:13:39,346
Honey,
it's so small.
298
00:13:39,434 --> 00:13:41,082
- I'm gonna break its back.
- I know.
299
00:13:41,255 --> 00:13:43,304
If I don't get on it,
he's gonna break my back.
300
00:13:43,391 --> 00:13:45,310
God, I'm sorry.
301
00:13:45,809 --> 00:13:48,725
I just ripped my pants.
I just ripped my pants.
302
00:13:48,987 --> 00:13:51,624
Yep.
303
00:13:52,200 --> 00:13:53,647
- Be careful.
- I know.
304
00:13:53,734 --> 00:13:55,649
I'm just trying not
to break its back.
305
00:13:55,736 --> 00:13:57,851
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
306
00:13:57,938 --> 00:13:59,787
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
307
00:13:59,882 --> 00:14:04,485
Um...
my pants ripped wide open.
308
00:14:06,948 --> 00:14:08,814
How long do we have
to stay here for?
309
00:14:08,902 --> 00:14:10,198
I mean,
I gotta go to work.
310
00:14:10,285 --> 00:14:12,367
These cows aren't gonna shovel
their own shit. I don't know.
311
00:14:12,454 --> 00:14:15,170
Maybe she realized she was
stealing some other woman's man.
312
00:14:15,356 --> 00:14:17,724
Is she coming soon? These people
are getting restless.
313
00:14:24,746 --> 00:14:28,390
Funky Bunch,
no Mark!
314
00:14:29,527 --> 00:14:31,241
♪ Aw, yeah ♪
315
00:14:31,439 --> 00:14:33,487
♪ Funky Bunch in the building ♪
316
00:14:33,574 --> 00:14:35,892
♪ Come on, come on ♪
317
00:14:36,552 --> 00:14:38,472
♪ Look out, sons,
or you're gonna get punched ♪
318
00:14:38,560 --> 00:14:42,415
♪ Step back, Mother, Father,
here comes the Funky Bunch ♪
319
00:14:42,717 --> 00:14:44,290
♪ Ugh ♪
320
00:14:44,392 --> 00:14:46,529
♪ Yo, we're back from the '90s
like one, two, three ♪
321
00:14:46,617 --> 00:14:48,169
- ♪ Scotty Gee ♪
- ♪ Hector Booty and your boy ♪
322
00:14:48,256 --> 00:14:49,589
- ♪ DJ T ♪
- ♪ We heard the jumps ♪
323
00:14:49,676 --> 00:14:50,725
♪ And the smack and the stuff ♪
324
00:14:50,812 --> 00:14:51,705
- ♪ But believe in the bunch ♪
- ♪ But believe in the bunch ♪
325
00:14:51,792 --> 00:14:52,907
♪ We just as good
without Mark ♪
326
00:14:52,994 --> 00:14:54,508
♪ We don't need Mark
with his fat, tight body ♪
327
00:14:54,595 --> 00:14:56,644
♪ We disassociate
with his agent in crime ♪
328
00:14:56,731 --> 00:14:58,379
♪ We don't need Mark,
we don't need Mark ♪
329
00:14:58,466 --> 00:14:59,581
♪ We're the brains
and the brawn ♪
330
00:14:59,668 --> 00:15:00,848
♪ And the balls
and the spark ♪
331
00:15:00,935 --> 00:15:02,383
♪ We don't need Mark,
we don't need Mark ♪
332
00:15:02,470 --> 00:15:03,517
♪ We're the brain
and the brawn ♪
333
00:15:03,604 --> 00:15:05,052
♪ And the balls
and the spark ♪
334
00:15:05,139 --> 00:15:07,321
- Is this actually the Funky Bunch?
- No.
335
00:15:07,408 --> 00:15:09,323
Well, why would you
tell everybody that it was?
336
00:15:09,410 --> 00:15:11,105
No one knows
the difference.
337
00:15:12,880 --> 00:15:14,527
♪ We don't need Mark,
we don't need Mark ♪
338
00:15:14,615 --> 00:15:15,636
♪ We're the brains
and the brawn ♪
339
00:15:15,723 --> 00:15:16,755
♪ And the balls
and the spark ♪
340
00:15:16,842 --> 00:15:18,533
♪ We don't need Mark,
we don't need Mark ♪
341
00:15:18,622 --> 00:15:20,802
- ♪ Oh, say can you see ♪
- ♪ And the balls and the spark ♪
342
00:15:20,889 --> 00:15:22,968
♪ By the dawn's early light ♪
343
00:15:23,056 --> 00:15:29,291
- ♪ What so proudly we hailed... ♪
- Oh, no, no!
344
00:15:33,409 --> 00:15:34,415
Dad?
345
00:15:34,502 --> 00:15:35,267
- Pee Paw?
- Pee Paw?
346
00:15:35,355 --> 00:15:37,537
Hand of God!
I knew he'd be back!
347
00:15:37,772 --> 00:15:39,687
What the hell are you guys doing here?
348
00:15:39,774 --> 00:15:41,755
We're being forced to work here
until you surrender,
349
00:15:41,842 --> 00:15:44,856
and because of that, Nate has
to marry that guy's daughter.
350
00:15:44,944 --> 00:15:46,192
Who's Nate?
351
00:15:46,280 --> 00:15:47,494
Hey!
352
00:15:49,124 --> 00:15:50,430
I did not know that.
353
00:15:50,518 --> 00:15:51,633
Then what are you doing
here?
354
00:15:51,720 --> 00:15:53,331
I'm here to destroy
the rule of this
355
00:15:53,419 --> 00:15:55,047
Keebler Elf.
356
00:15:55,271 --> 00:15:57,263
You're screwed now, pal!
357
00:15:58,364 --> 00:15:59,863
You no ruin me.
358
00:16:00,157 --> 00:16:01,205
Is impossible.
359
00:16:01,293 --> 00:16:02,962
By myself?
No.
360
00:16:03,105 --> 00:16:06,472
But with a little family help,
it's been surprisingly easy.
361
00:16:08,429 --> 00:16:09,857
Natalia.
362
00:16:13,983 --> 00:16:16,270
You always tell me
I'm a free woman.
363
00:16:16,411 --> 00:16:17,740
Free to make my choice.
364
00:16:17,936 --> 00:16:20,583
But this?
This is all fake.
365
00:16:20,757 --> 00:16:22,211
Nate is not in love
with me.
366
00:16:22,299 --> 00:16:23,801
He's in love
with this old woman.
367
00:16:24,018 --> 00:16:25,199
She's 39.
368
00:16:25,286 --> 00:16:27,074
That is what I said...
Old.
369
00:16:32,106 --> 00:16:33,474
You always taught me,
370
00:16:33,562 --> 00:16:36,450
when angry, do not act violently
like a night witch.
371
00:16:36,538 --> 00:16:38,786
Instead,
channel your energy
372
00:16:38,893 --> 00:16:41,594
to destroy your enemy
financially.
373
00:16:43,152 --> 00:16:44,666
You are forcing him
to marry me!
374
00:16:44,944 --> 00:16:49,062
I am no feminist,
but I will be treated fairly,
375
00:16:49,235 --> 00:16:50,549
and my voice will be heard
376
00:16:50,645 --> 00:16:52,894
regarding my own life
and happiness.
377
00:16:53,055 --> 00:16:55,629
You're bluffing.
He has no power in Russia.
378
00:16:55,716 --> 00:16:57,385
You're right.
I don't.
379
00:16:57,473 --> 00:17:00,244
But then she introduced me
to this guy named Vlad.
380
00:17:00,339 --> 00:17:02,035
I forget his last name.
381
00:17:02,123 --> 00:17:04,506
Old KGB buddy of yours,
I believe.
382
00:17:04,593 --> 00:17:06,426
Anyhoo, it turns out,
383
00:17:06,514 --> 00:17:09,236
he's grown really tired
of your overpriced milk.
384
00:17:09,329 --> 00:17:11,068
- He's looking for something a little more...
- This is lie.
385
00:17:11,155 --> 00:17:13,046
Putin will never go
to homo milk.
386
00:17:13,134 --> 00:17:14,582
Oh, he's going homo,
all right.
387
00:17:14,669 --> 00:17:16,205
He's completely gay for it.
388
00:17:16,293 --> 00:17:18,986
And pretty soon, all the rest
of Russia will be, too.
389
00:17:19,073 --> 00:17:21,338
I don't believe.
There are no gays in Russia.
390
00:17:25,750 --> 00:17:27,448
I know, right?
What a douche.
391
00:17:27,536 --> 00:17:29,117
Okay.
Don't believe.
392
00:17:29,205 --> 00:17:31,125
And don't believe there's
a Federation tank
393
00:17:31,213 --> 00:17:34,802
right behind that stage ready to
tear this entire operation down.
394
00:17:34,889 --> 00:17:36,538
- Did you say tank?
- No.
395
00:17:36,625 --> 00:17:38,212
Vlad loves my milk.
396
00:17:38,389 --> 00:17:39,627
Okay.
397
00:17:39,724 --> 00:17:40,838
Suit yourself.
398
00:17:40,926 --> 00:17:42,352
Boys!
399
00:17:44,211 --> 00:17:46,592
- No tank.
- There's a tank.
400
00:17:46,680 --> 00:17:48,863
It's just a Russian tank,
so it's slow.
401
00:17:48,951 --> 00:17:51,029
There is no tank.
402
00:17:53,580 --> 00:17:56,327
There is no tank.
403
00:17:58,826 --> 00:18:00,555
There is no tank!
404
00:18:00,643 --> 00:18:02,758
There's a tank! There's a tank!
405
00:18:02,846 --> 00:18:04,361
Everybody, run! Run!
406
00:18:12,120 --> 00:18:14,136
That's for my Taurus!
407
00:18:17,732 --> 00:18:19,247
Jesus.
408
00:18:24,868 --> 00:18:26,392
- Hey! Hey!
- Yeah?
409
00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:27,853
I think we're finally out.
410
00:18:31,145 --> 00:18:32,126
Aah!
411
00:18:42,313 --> 00:18:44,762
It's a good time
to get out of here.
412
00:18:44,945 --> 00:18:46,714
You still want to split?
413
00:18:47,340 --> 00:18:49,401
Given a choice between
the lesser of two evils,
414
00:18:49,489 --> 00:18:51,871
I think I'm gonna stick
with shitty parents.
415
00:18:52,336 --> 00:18:54,383
Okay.
Suit yourself.
416
00:18:54,660 --> 00:18:55,869
See ya!
417
00:19:06,730 --> 00:19:08,157
Hi.
418
00:19:08,245 --> 00:19:09,778
I still want to marry you.
419
00:19:12,851 --> 00:19:14,009
Just kidding!
420
00:19:14,191 --> 00:19:15,597
- She's funny.
- I told you.
421
00:19:16,407 --> 00:19:17,676
Hmm? Hmm?
422
00:19:18,887 --> 00:19:20,927
What'd she say? I don't know.
I don't speak Russian.
423
00:19:30,941 --> 00:19:34,524
♪ How lucky can one guy be? ♪
424
00:19:34,667 --> 00:19:37,976
- ♪ I kissed her, and she kissed me ♪
- You have 50 new messages.
425
00:19:38,064 --> 00:19:39,793
Hey, babe. Are you still
coming home tonight?
426
00:19:39,880 --> 00:19:40,995
I haven't heard from you.
427
00:19:41,082 --> 00:19:42,156
If you are,
can you pick up milk?
428
00:19:42,243 --> 00:19:43,397
Oh, and bananas.
429
00:19:43,484 --> 00:19:45,066
Oh, and tell him
to get hot dogs!
430
00:19:45,153 --> 00:19:47,001
I want hot dogs!
431
00:19:47,088 --> 00:19:49,070
Ugh.
You-know-who wants hot dogs.
432
00:19:49,157 --> 00:19:51,139
Dude, I know she pays our
rent, but...
433
00:19:51,226 --> 00:19:54,075
I don't know what she told
you, but I really want hot dog.
434
00:19:54,162 --> 00:19:55,799
I told him that.
435
00:19:55,886 --> 00:19:58,068
Hey, dad.
I need 100 bucks.
436
00:19:58,156 --> 00:19:59,404
Don't ask why.
437
00:19:59,492 --> 00:20:00,672
Hey. Me again.
438
00:20:00,760 --> 00:20:02,075
We also need
laundry detergent
439
00:20:02,163 --> 00:20:04,145
and cat food... the wet kind.
440
00:20:04,233 --> 00:20:06,638
Hey, Dad. If Delilah's getting
100 bucks, I want 100...
441
00:20:06,725 --> 00:20:07,978
Hey, it's Edie.
442
00:20:08,066 --> 00:20:09,823
Listen, I know we didn't
really end on a good note,
443
00:20:09,910 --> 00:20:10,958
but your son was...
444
00:20:11,045 --> 00:20:13,046
Hey, it's me again.
Your machine cut me off.
445
00:20:13,134 --> 00:20:14,295
Machine.
446
00:20:14,382 --> 00:20:17,565
Hey, dumb ass, it's Vanessa.
Call me. It's impo...
447
00:20:17,652 --> 00:20:19,132
Hey, it's me.
448
00:20:19,247 --> 00:20:21,581
Looks like you finally
made it to the beach, huh?
449
00:20:23,730 --> 00:20:26,507
Listen, I got the package.
450
00:20:26,595 --> 00:20:28,426
Consider us square.
451
00:20:28,855 --> 00:20:31,041
Hey, whatever you do,
just don't get in the...
452
00:20:32,267 --> 00:20:35,850
♪ I go to sleep
and keep grinning ♪
453
00:20:35,937 --> 00:20:39,439
♪ If this is just
the beginning ♪
454
00:20:39,674 --> 00:20:44,526
♪ My life is gonna be
beautiful ♪
455
00:20:44,613 --> 00:20:48,262
♪ She's telling me
we'll be wed ♪
456
00:20:48,349 --> 00:20:51,933
♪ She's picked out
a king-sized bed ♪
457
00:20:52,020 --> 00:20:56,670
♪ I couldn't feel any better
or I'd be sick ♪
458
00:20:58,960 --> 00:21:00,408
♪ Tell me quick ♪
459
00:21:00,495 --> 00:21:03,677
♪ Ain't that a kick
in the head ♪
32407
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