All language subtitles for The.Big.Bang.Theory.S04E18.REPACK.HDTV.XviD-ASAP.HI

Morning.

Morning.

(exhales)

- Sleep okay?
- Um uh. Great!

Hey, can I ask you something?

Sure.

Last night, me wanting to try
that stuff out of the Kama Sutra.

Was that fun for you
or kinda racially insensitive?

Yes. Just because you're in bed
with an India woman

you think that gives you permission

to use crazy positions
from an ancient Indian love manual?

Hey, if you can find a book
called "Weird Sex with White Boys"

I'd be okay with that.

(laughing)

No, no, you know you have such
beautiful eyes.

Have you ever thought about
getting contacts?

I tried in the seventh grade.
I could never get used to them.

Oh. That's too bad.

Yeah. If I had contacts,
I would have been the coolest

Debate Club president ever to be
stuffed into his own cello case.

If you had them on now, you could
see what we're going to do next.

That-That's okay.
I can infer from context.

Hey, Raj, you wanna see a new
magic trick I been working on?

Eh, Howard.

If I may interject here
with a piece of friendly advice.

Is working on magic tricks, really
how you want to spend your time?

Uh, granted,
you're just an engineer, but...

that doesn't mean you might
not someday build a geegaw

or a thingamabob that

that may get you a "thank you" in someone
else's Nobel Prize acceptance speech.

Is the trick making him disappear?

Sure, let's see it.

Here.
Shuffle these.

Okay.

Now spread them out on the table.
Face down.

Pick one.
Look at it.

Okay.

Now remember your card.
Put it back in the deck.

Is it any wonder
he doesn't have a doctorate?

Now remind me,
what's your birthday?

October sixth.

Okay, October is the tenth month.

So 10-- one plus zero
is one plus six is seven.

Turn over the seventh card.

How about that!

But, is that your card?

Yes. It is.
Very cool!

Oh it's not cool.

It's a childish trick, designed
to confuse and intrigue simpletons.

How'd you do it?

A magician never reveals his secrets.

But surely a future
Nobel Prize winner can figure it out.

Fine.

Give me a second.

You ever notice when he thinks
real hard it smells like bacon?

- Oh hey!
- Sorry! Oop!

Sorry! Pardon me!
(screams)

Oh, I'm so sorry!

Oh, that was my fault.

Check it out.
I just got contacts.

♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪

♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪

♪ The Earth began to cool ♪

♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪

♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪

♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪

♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪

♪ Bang! ♪

♪ The Big Bang Theory 4x18 ♪
The Prestidigitation Approximation
Original Air Date on March 10, 2011

-- sync, corrected by elderman --

One, two,

three, four, five.

No way.

That's your card, right?

Seven of clubs!

That is amazing!

It's not amazing.

All magic tricks are merely
a combination

of manipulation
and misdirection

with the occasional dwarf in
a box wiggling his feet.

Oh, really?
So how did I do it?

I don't care how you did it.

I have more important things
to think about.

Clearly, the cards
are marked.

I thought you had more important
things to think about.

I do.
You just happened

to have caught me
on a break.

Oh, let me see
those cards.

Big deal. Not knowing

is part of the fun.

"Not knowing is part
of the fun."

Was that the motto
of your community college?

Hey, guys,
what do you think?

Priya took me
clothes shopping.

Hey, you look great.

Good for you, Priya.

I could never get that stupid
hoodie off him

when we were...

Well, you look great.

Thank you.

Lets go hang
everything up.

Yeah, good.

New contacts.

I should have done this
years ago.

So you finally getting used to
them doing it on a daily basis?

I'm not going out with him.

He can sleep
with whoever he wants.

Yeah, I was talking to Raj.

Oopsy.

This deck is rigged in
some fashion.

Fine. Get another deck

and I'll do
the trick with that.

So you're saying this is
a regulation deck?

I'm saying believe in magic,
you muggle.

You know, well, I'm happy
Leonard's found someone.

Not that anybody asked.

How many Star Trek uniforms
do you have?

Just two:

everyday and dress.

Uh-huh.

Listen, we need
to talk about something.

Oh, my God, you're breaking up
with me!

Why would you take me out
shopping

and then break up with me?
That is so cruel!

Leonard, I'm not breaking up
with you.

Oh, okay.

So, what's up?

It's a little weird,

your ex-girlfriend hanging out
here all the time.

I know.

I usually never see
my ex-girlfriends,

unless their hard drives crash.

I'm just saying, how would you
feel if I was hanging out

with my ex-boyfriend?

Um, not great, I guess.

But Penny and I are
just friends.

I don't care.

This is a woman you have
slept with.

If you want her around,

then I have to wonder if maybe
you're not ready to move on.

No, no-no-no, I'm ready!

I gave up the gift of
sight for you.

If that's not moving on,
what is?

You need to cut the cord
with Penny.

Oh... okay.

You don't sound very confident.

No, no, I'm confident.

Its not like I'm unfamiliar with
the "get lost" conversation.

Although, this will be the first
time I'll be the one saying it.

Thank you.

I appreciate it.

Sure.

Oh, God, you
smell so good.

Of course, that
could just be

my other senses
getting stronger.

Hypothetically, if I had access

to a Lieutenant Uhura uniform,
would you wear it?

Leonard, it is a source
of great pain

to me and my family

that my brother has that outfit
in his wardrobe.

Can we not discuss it?

I'm sorry. Never mind.

And was your card the jack
of diamonds?

Oh, unbelievable!

Know how he did it yet?

Um...

Aw, he has the same look
my little nephew gets

when he can't figure out
how I got his nose.

You know, I have some remedial
magic tricks

that might be more your speed.

Like, ooh, look!

The pencil's rubber!

Hey, I think I know how you did
the card trick.

Oh, please, if I don't know,
you don't know.

That's axiomatic.

Come here.

You're right.

Not too bad for someone

who doesn't know
what "axiomatic" means.

Oh, hi.

Hey, you.

What happened with
the contacts?

One of them's upstairs.

The other one sort of slipped
back into my skull.

Hey, is that one of the new
shirts Priya got you?

Yeah.

You don't wanna
wash that.

No?
No, that's silk.

Seriously, what would you do
without me?

Yeah. (chuckles)

You know, I gotta
tell you, I think

you got a real winner with Priya.
Yeah, me, too.

She seems really sweet.

Believe me, you do not want
to take that for granted.

There are a lot of bitches
out there.

Yeah, bitches are the worst.

All right, I'll
see you later.

Uh, Penny, there's something
I have to tell you.

What?

Okay, uh, how do I put this?

Um... are you familiar with
Darwin's observation

of the finches
in the Galapagos Islands?

Did they make a movie about it?

No.

Then no.

All right, well, anyway, Darwin
observed that when two groups

of finches competed
over the same food source,

eventually one of them would
evolve a different beak shape

so they could feed on
something else.

Okay.

So what do you think we can
learn from that behavior

that we can apply
to our own lives?

Uh, a bird in the hand is worth
two in the bush?

Sure, that has birds in it.

It's fun talking to you,
Leonard; I always learn stuff.

I'm sorry,
but I'm gonna count that.

PRIYA: Do you really have
to wear that in bed?

Yeah. The doctor didn't want me
to rub my eye during the night.

It was either this or one
of those giant neck cones.

So did you get
to talk to Penny?

Oh, yes.
Indeed, I did.

And?

She completely understood
everything I said. Case closed.

Was she upset?

Maybe, but that's
not my problem.

She's not my girlfriend,
you are.

I hope you weren't
cruel to her.

Is the autumn cruel
for letting the flowers die,

or is that just nature's way?

(knocking)

SHELDON: Leonard?
(knocking) Leonard?

Leonard?

What?!

I think I figured out
Wolowitz's magic trick,

and I need you
to pick a card.

I am not opening
that door, Sheldon!

As you wish.

Pick a card, put it back,
and prepare to be amazed.

Did you pick one?

Yep.

Is this your card?

Nope.

Drat.

Is this your card?

No.

I'll be right back.

Pick a card, Sheldon.

Now look at it,
and put it back in the deck.

Now do you remember your card?

Of course I do, I have
an eidetic memory.

My apologies.

Now shuffle the cards.

Shuffling.

Wait here.

Processing image,
cross-referencing...

Whatcha doin'?

I'm reverse engineering
Wolowitz's magic trick.

What's up
with the infrared cameras?

I'm measuring residual heat
levels on the playing cards

to determine
which one's been touched.

By the way,

if you hope to have children,

I suggest you switch
from briefs to boxers.

Your testicles look a tad warm.

Holy crap,
are you connected

to the Oak Ridge
National Laboratory?

Yes. I'm using their
Cray supercomputer

to analyze
shuffling patterns.

Sheldon, that computer
is used

for national defense.

Hacking into it is
a federal crime.

Relax, we're not under
attack right now.

Okay, I'm leaving before the
black helicopters get here.

And is this my card?

Rats!

I wonder if Howard used
a radioactive tracer.

Where am I going to find
uranium-235 this time of night?

Come on, CraigsList.

Is it racist that I took you
to an Indian restaurant?

It's okay, I like Indian food.

Or as you probably call it
back home, "food." (chuckles)

Why didn't you wear
your contacts?

Don't you like them?

No, no, I do.

It's just I knew I was having
curry tonight

and I only want one part
of my body to burn at a time.

You know... (clears throat)

...my company offered me a
position here in Los Angeles.

Does that mean you'd relocate
here permanently?

Maybe. What do you think?

I love it.

That's great!
(knocking)

Hi!

Hi! Just hang on.

(chuckles) Small world.

You did talk to her, didn't you?

Of course, I did.
I talked and talked and talked.

Hey! Look at Leonard in his
fancy-ass grownup clothes.

Way to go, Priya.
For once, he doesn't look

like a mannequin in
the boys' department.

(chuckles)
Hey, did he

tell you I saved
the silk shirt?

No, he did not.

He was gonna throw it
in the washing machine

with his
Spiderman underwear.

That's our Lenny, huh?
(laughs)

Yes, that's our Lenny.

So how's
the food here?

Oh, wow, that is
really, really good.

Oh, I'm sorry.
You guys are on a date.

We can hang out
anytime. Have fun.

Bye.
Good night.

Oh, that's, hot, hot, hot, hot!

Whoo! It really
sneaks up on ya, huh?

All right, I gotta go.

It is pretty spicy.

Oh, I've been meaning
to tell you,

I figured out
your magic trick.

Really?

Oh, yes.

In fact, I improved upon it.

I'd love to see that.

How about you, Raj?

Beefaroni and a show?

How do you turn that down?

All right. (clears throat)

Pick a card.

Okay.

Bippity-boppity-boo.

(beeps)

What's with the wand
and the beep?

The wand is called showmanship,

and the beep is none
of your business.

(text alert tone sounds)

Oh! Excuse me.

I'm getting a text message

completely unrelated
to this magic trick.

Oh, look, my
dry cleaning's ready.

And your card was
the five of spades. Ta-da.

These cards have barcodes
on them.

The wand is a reader.

It's transmitting to your phone.

I said, "ta-da."

Show's over.

That's pathetic.

Let me show you how
a real magician does it.

Raj, take a card.

Don't let me see it.

Okay.

Three of clubs.

Son of a gun,

you're blowing my mind!

Bippity-boppity-boo-yah!

That does it.
I'm getting uranium.

You ever gonna tell him?

Maybe.
When it stops being fun.

So never.

Oh, hey, I was
just on my way to work.

Oh, okay,
its not important.

It can wait.

No, it's all right.
Walk me down.

So, what's up?

Uh, I kind of have
a problem

I was hoping
you could help me with.

Sure, anything.

Move out.

What?

Not far.

Hey, if you ever wanna
start a family,

La Cañada has
some great schools.

Okay, I'm not
moving anywhere.

What the hell
is this all about?

Why does it have
to be about anything?

Can't a fella ask
his buddy to relocate,

no questions asked?

Oh, for God's sake,
Leonard,

this is about Priya,
isn't it?

She doesn't want me
hanging out with you.

Yes. There, I said it.

Okay, look.

I happen to like
your girlfriend.

And she likes you.

No, she doesn't.

Not really, no.

It doesn't matter.
Look, I promise from now on

I will keep
my distance from you.

Well, now, hold on.
What kind of distance

are we talking about?
Because we are neighbors.

I mean, I can hear the toilet
flush in your apartment.

You can hear my toilet flush?

I don't listen for it,
but it's nice to know

everything's okay
with your plumbing.

The building's plumbing.

Leonard, I get it.

You're in
a new relationship now.

And I'm happy for you.

So why don't we just shake
hands and part friends?

Well, now hold on.

How about this?

How about we still hang out,
but on the down-low?

Are you really that kind of guy?

No.

I actually felt kinda silly just
saying "on the down-low."

Good-bye, Leonard.

Penny, wait.

Ah!

Damn contacts.

Incoming.

- Hi!
- Hey!

Hello.

Why so glum, chum?

Apparently,
you can't hack into

a government
supercomputer

and then try
to buy uranium

without the Department of
Homeland Security tattling

to your mother.

Oh, that's too bad.

Figure out the magic trick yet?

(mocking):
Figure out the magic trick yet?

Want me to tell you
how to do it?

No.

I'll show you one more time.

Raj?

Hang on.

This time do it with me,

so I can make sure
there's no monkey business.

All right.

- Two of hearts.
- I hate you.

-- sync, corrected by elderman --

Yeah, he's gonna win
the Nobel Prize.