Original subtitles

[DASH] [SCREAMS] Zombies!

[STAMMERS] Excuse me, son, will your mother be much longer?

Die, undead!

You can shuffle, but you can't hide.

[SPEAKING MANDARIN]

_

[SIGHS SOFTLY]

[QUIRKY MUSIC]

[MACHINE RUMBLING]

Gimme a hand...

[MACHINE CONTINUES RUMBLING]

Will you please tell your mother

that I ha... [VOICE CRACKS, CLEARS THROAT]

I have another appointment.

Oh. Mom said she'd be right back.

[QUIRKY PIANO MELODY]

Would you start the zipper for me, hon?

- [SHOES CLATTER] - [TIFFANY SIGHS]

Ah.

Such a gentleman.

Night.

[TIFFANY SIGHS]

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

[DINOSAUR ROARS]

synced & corrected by PopcornAWH www.addic7ed.com

Please tell me this is just the first installment.

I-I'm afraid not, Mrs. McKenna.

That represents the entire payout

for the policy on your late husband.

[STAMMERS] You don't understand.

I'm responsible for my three children,

my mother-in-law, and my brother-in-law,

so l-let's just say five children.

I understand that you're going through a very difficult time.

[SIGHS] Please, I don't need compassion right now.

I needed it when you guys were writing this check.

This is financially disastrous for my family.

[MELANCHOLY MUSIC]

Thank you for your time, Mr. Foster.

My condolences, Mrs. McKenna.

And if it's any consolation,

um... I hate my job.

[SIGHS]

[SPEAKING MANDARIN]

Nailed it.

[SIGHING QUIETLY] Okay.

[WYATT] So, how do the zombies die?

They're dead. You can't kill them.

No, you kill them with your fists.

- [DASH] You punch them. - [LIAM] They would keep fighting.

Why would they just die?

[DASH] What's the point of a score?

- [TIFFANY] Hey. - [LIAM] To brag to your friends?

We'll figure it out.

You're resourceful,

and... and we can help out.

I can macramé potholders

and Terry can give blood every six weeks.

Mm-hmm. Seriously, Beth,

don't... don't worry-way...

...about money-may.

Hey, Terry, you know that...

...that's not Pig Latin, right?

- Really-ray? - Is something going on?

I'm even more confused than usual.

Um, it's just adult talk. You wouldn't understand.

Shi shi wo.

That's Mandarin for "try me."

My future company is going to have offices in China.

It's kinder to fire people in their own language.

Mom... is there a money problem?

[INHALES] No. No problem.

Everything's fine, okay? Really.

Okay.

[TERRY] You kill the zombie with your fists?

[DASH] Yes.

[CRICKETS CHIRPING SOFTLY]

[WYATT] Guys, I really think

Mom's worried about mo...

What are you...

Are you eating crickets?

[SWALLOWS NOISILY] Not eating. Swallowing.

Learn the difference.

- [SIGHS] - [BURPS]

We're making a video that's gonna go viral

and make me crazy famous on the Internet.

Actually, I'm making a video about how morons will do

anything to try and get crazy famous on the Internet.

Whatever, as long as I'm gonna be crazy famous.

I'm going to break the record for throwing up live crickets.

That sounds crazy stupid.

Your jealousy is ugly, Wyatt.

Guys, I really think Mom is having money problems.

[MOUTH FULL] Mom says everything is gonna be fine.

Yeah, and who are we gonna believe, you or Mom?

Okay, Dash, time to look like an idiot.

I mean, become famous.

[WYATT SIGHS]

- Okay, go. - [DASH RETCHES]

- [CRICKETS CHIRPING] - [DASH] Am I crazy,

or is that more crickets than I swallowed?

[MYSTERIOUS MUSIC]

[CARDS SHUFFLING]

Deal you in, son?

[POIGNANT MUSIC]

Yeah.

[SIGHS PLEASANTLY] You look good, Wyatt.

Love that smile.

Hi, Dad.

Now, ready to play poker?

- I don't know how. - Well, that's why I wrote

The Dangerous Book... To teach you this stuff.

Playing poker requires sharp wits

and nerves of steel.

Sounds pretty good, huh?

It might help you get up the courage

to talk to that Maya Fleishacker.

How did you...

Oh, right.

This is my imagination.

[PATRICK] And you have a great one.

You know, even as a baby,

your mom and I would watch you go into

an animated state of wonder,

and your face would contort,

and then get curious, and finally...

[CHUCKLES] And then you'd smile that smile.

It turned out you just had a full diaper.

[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

I think Mom's having money trouble.

What do I do?

Your mom's the smartest person I know.

She's also incredibly sensitive.

She'll need some help.

Now, then. Let's play poker.

[PLAYFUL MUSIC]

How are you set up for insurance, son?

It's never too early to get some umbrella coverage.

I don't have an umbrella.

Dash jumped off the roof with it.

I should talk to that kid.

Now, what's so interesting about poker

is it's all about observing human behavior...

watching people.

You learn to catch their tell.

And you'll know what they're not telling you.

It's a very valuable tool in life.

Is that Mr. Foster's tell?

Could be.

Or he could just be digging for gold.

Either way...

you just learned your first lesson in poker.

[CRICKET CHIRPING]

[GASPS]

[BETH] All of these jobs,

they want you to work 60 hours a week

for minimum wage.

But I guess the good news is,

is that I'm not even qualified for them

because I don't have an MBA.

What's an MBA?

Apparently, something you need now to get a job

- as a secretary's assistant. - [DOOR OPENS]

"Aloha Akron."

Aloha, Terry.

No, no, no.

"Aloha Akron." That's the name

of our new surf shop.

But, Terry, there aren't any surf shops in Akron, Ohio.

Not yet.

We'll get in on the ground level.

We'll corner the entire market.

[INHALES DEEPLY] Right, uh...

well, it's an interesting idea.

We should definitely explore it further.

Great. Yeah, um...

- let me show you... - [BETH] Hmm.

...my business plan.

- Hmm. - Now, it's not to scale.

Oh, no, no, I got that.

[INHALES] That's great. Really.

Mom, you're not telling the truth.

You think his idea stinks.

And it does. I'm sorry, Uncle Terry,

but it's terrible.

Those are really hurtful words, Beth.

You could've said it a lot nicer.

- I didn't... - [TERRY] Bye.

...say them.

Wyatt. Why did you say that?

I picked up on your tell.

It's when you take a deep breath.

What... my tell?

[SIGHS] Never mind. Honey, I just...

[GROANS] ...wish you hadn't said that.

But we have to be honest, right?

That's what you're always telling us.

Yeah, but not... always.

[STAMMERS] It's complicated,

and we are... we'll talk about it later, okay?

We're running late for school.

[BELL RINGING]

So, Cathy posted this photo, and I...

Maya Fleishacker.

I heard she's from New York and used to ride the subway...

by herself.

I believe it.

[SAM] Uh-oh. She's looking this way.

That's it.

[WYATT] That's her tell.

What is she telling you?

I don't know... yet.

[DOORBELL CHIMES]

[BETH] Could somebody get that?

Hello? Anyone?

[TIFFANY] I can, but I'm naked.

[BETH] Uh, no! Tiffany, I got it, I got it.

I got it.

[SIGHS]

- Hello. - Hi.

I'm Arianna.

I'm here to tutor Dash.

Right, yes. Please, come in, Arianna.

Um... although, Arianna, I need to apologize.

When I called the school to ask for a tutor,

I just thought that we could...

[THUDDING DOWN STAIRS]

[DASH GROANS]

Dash, take those off.

Whoa, that actually happened.

Okay, Dash, this is Arianna.

[DASH] Yo. Hey, you look familiar.

I can't imagine why. We've only been

in the same class for two years.

Maybe that's where I've seen you.

I hired Arianna to tutor you in math.

But, we, uh... we actually...

we just can't anymore, so...

I'm sorry. I will totally

pay you a little something for your time.

Oh, uh... actually, I'm already here.

If you want... you don't have to pay me.

[CHUCKLES SOFTLY] Okay.

I-I don't need a math tutor.

Besides, how good could she be if she's free?

Dash.

- [SIGHS] - Why don't you and Arianna

go to the table, um, and you can...

learn something?

[QUIETLY] Thank you.

[QUIRKY MUSIC]

Didn't fit?

Didn't fit my budget, honey.

Don't even try to sell me on store credit.

Cash only.

Uh, this one's stained. Did someone wear it?

Store credit's fine.

[SCREAMS, MELONS CRASH]

So, it's good news. The X-rays came back negative.

No internal bleeding, no broken bones.

You should be good to go.

Oh, that's wonderful news... Dr. Scholls.

Excuse me? I'm Dr. Williams.

[TIFFANY] Oh, I'm sorry.

What did I say? I...

My head is really hurting from the accident.

[DR. WILLIAMS] Can you tell me who the president is right now?

Is it, um...

Beyoncé?

Why don't we keep you here a little longer

and we'll run some more tests?

Are you okay, Tiffany?

Okay? Look at me.

I was the clean up on aisle nine.

That's the least you have to worry about.

Hospitals are a breeding grounds

for deadly germs and staph infections.

We're probably all goners.

[BETH] Liam.

[MOUTH FULL] Cool if I eat the Jell-o?

Okay, hustle up, boys!

Mom bus leaves in ten!

- [YELPS] Oh, God! Oh, oh... - [LLAMA GRUNTS]

- Oh... - [LLAMA CHEWING NOISILY]

[LLAMA BLEATS]

Craigslist. That's where I found him.

Or her. Still not sure on that one.

I guess they all pee standing up, right?

Anyway, this is a much better idea than my surf shop.

Don't say "I told you so." We'll make a fortune.

We'll charge neighborhood kids five bucks a ride.

Mm-hmm, and do you have any idea

how much it costs to house and feed a llama?

So we'll charge six bucks a ride.

Boom.

Whoa, that is a freaky-looking horse.

And here's our client base now. Why don't we ask them?

Gentle-sirs, how much would you shell out

to ride this lovely llama?

Nothing.

- Llamas are a poor man's camel. - Oh.

[DASH] If I could ride that thing to school,

I would give you everything I got.

There you have it. 50% of kids love it

100% of the time.

Boom and boom.

[CHUCKLES, INHALES]

[SIGHS] Okay, you... school?

Let's go, let's go. Now. Move.

Let's go. We will talk about this later.

Yeah, the three of us can have a conversation.

Scooter, come on. Let's go upstairs.

Let's go see your room.

[ARIANNA] Okay, so if "A" equals two

and "B" equals three, and "A" plus "B"

equals "C," then what does "C" equal?

Math is numbers, not letters. Even I know that.

I need a Slim Jim.

I didn't see it at first.

You're good,

but your tell is that you blink a lot.

What are you talking about?

You like my brother.

That's why you're tutoring him for free.

Are you nuts?

[PLAYFUL PIANO MUSIC]

Okay, fine. Maybe I like him a little.

I knew it.

Why don't you just tell him?

I don't know, what if I tell him the truth

and he doesn't want me to come over anymore?

He already doesn't want you to come over

because you make him think.

[CHUCKLES]

Hi, Arianna.

So, how's Dash doing?

Really, really well.

Yeah, he's totally got a head for numbers.

Great.

[BETH] Hm.

[DISTANT DOG BARKING]

[SIGHS]

[RAGTIME PIANO MUSIC]

[PIANO STOPS ABRUPTLY]

[TENSE WESTERN MUSIC]

- [MAN] What the... - [STAMMERS]

[KNUCKLES CRACK]

Well, well, well.

If it isn't Wyatt Earp.

It's more like Wyatt...

[BELCHING] Burp.

- Check. - I check too.

Do you have any sevens?

We're not playing Go Fish, Sam.

What are you doing here?

I don't know. I'm kind of scared.

I think I just peed a little.

[POOF] Hey, can I do that too?

I have a test to study for,

and frankly, I don't even know why I'm here.

[POOF]

I bet 50 chips.

Anybody got the baked beans to call?

I'm all in.

Good luck trying to read me, Wyatt.

I'm a riddle wrapped up in a Rubik's cube

with all the colors removed.

[SIGHS] I fold.

Ha! I got nothing.

You're all a bunch of no-good fibbers.

I'm right, aren't I?

Shouldn't you always tell the truth?

Everybody is telling me something different.

Normally a good philosophy, son.

But life is tricky.

Sometimes you gotta tell the truth.

Sometimes... you gotta bluff.

[GENTLE MUSIC]

Nothing makes sense.

[LLAMA SLURPING]

[GROANS]

Now that's gonna go viral.

[LLAMA HUMS]

- [SIGHS] - Our in-house Plethora Law team

has taken care of the plethora of medical bills, of course.

The store has their own legal department?

Yes, ma'am. It's right next to housewares.

Now... Plethora would like to offer you

this very generous cash settlement.

[TIFFANY COUGHING]

[MRS. CHEN] I know that money is small

- compensation for the suffering... - No, it helps. It helps...

It does help.

[MRS. CHEN] Do you need time to think this over?

No, I think it best we just settle this

- and all move on. - [MRS. CHEN] I appreciate that,

as will my plethora of superiors.

Here are the papers I will need you to sign.

[SOFT SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]

You must be really worried about your grandmother.

Uh... oh, yeah, right.

Like... [INHALES]

...with all the injuries and...

...the skull damage.

Doctor said she might need a replacement... head.

It's okay, Wyatt.

You don't have to do that.

[CLEARS THROAT] Mrs. Chen, I...

I was at Woodstock, so...

I probably do have some brain damage.

But... it wasn't from the accident.

I can't take your money.

[MRS. CHEN] I see.

Well, Mrs. McKenna, a plethora of thanks

for your honesty.

Just sign here, agreeing to

a no-cash settlement, and we'll be done.

You should learn to be more honest,

like your grandmother.

[DOOR OPENS, SHUTS]

I'm sorry, Tiffany.

No.

I'm sorry.

Oh, God.

[SIGHS]

We're just gonna have to figure out another way

to help out your mom.

Yeah.

[GENTLE, HOPEFUL MUSIC]

[APPLAUSE]

[LIVELY JAZZ MUSIC]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[TIFFANY] Welcome back to the final table

of the World Championships of Poker.

Got a real murderer's row of poker greats here.

And then there's the newcomer:

our chip leader, Wyatt McKenna.

[TIFFANY] Is the remaining field gonna gang up

on little Wyatt?

"Wyatt" not?

- [CHUCKLES] - I would.

That's poker.

All right, let's shuffle up and deal!

Dad, this is for all the money.

- Mom needs it. - Put together

everything you've learned.

You can do it. I believe in you, son.

- [APPLAUSE] - [BETH] A full house.

Aces high.

A gritty play by boy wonder.

McKenna continues to impress.

He is, without a doubt, the very best player

who ever sat down at a poker table, period.

Hey, it's his fantasy.

He can have me say anything he wants.

[APPLAUSE]

[TIFFANY] Unbelievable bluff by McKenna!

And another one bites the dust.

The Ohio Tornado.

The Akron Assassin.

The Midwestern Maniac.

- Are you trying out nicknames? - Yeah,

- I gotta see what sticks. - Sure.

You're cute as a button.

I'd hate you...

if I didn't wanna babysit you.

[POOF]

[BETH] We've come to the end.

It's heads up play between

rookie sensation Wyatt McKenna

and two-time world champion Nick Nelson,

the Nasty Nerd of Poker.

One of these two players will

become the world champion of poker.

Oh, and Nick Nelson has moved all in.

Sitting on a monster hand, Nick?

It's all up to you, son.

What are you gonna do?

Take your time, Wyatt.

[CLOCK TICKING]

I call.

And that's it! It's over!

Wyatt McKenna has just upset the entire poker world!

The Akron Assassin wins

the World Championships of Poker!

- He did it! - [STAMMERING EXCITEDLY]

- The little guy did it. - The little, tiny guy.

Right? He's a little guy.

- But he sure did do it. - He's a little guy, you know?

[APPLAUSE] [LAUGHING]

A pair of fours?

What kind of lunatic makes a call like that?

This is ridiculous! I can't believe...

I'm so proud of you, son.

[NICK] This isn't fair. I never...

How did you figure out he was bluffing?

I caught his tell. Look at him.

The Nasty Nerd of Poker.

[SHOUTS] Why? Wyatt...

Hey, this is pretty cute.

[APPLAUSE]

- [GLASS SHATTERS] - Oops.

The second he said "take your time" so politely,

I knew he was bluffing.

That's great. You figured it out, Wyatt.

How to know when you're being bluffed

and how to know when you need

to pull a bluff of your own.

[QUIRKY MUSIC]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[MR. FOSTER] I would like you to sign each page and

initial in the place where I have circled.

- [BETH] Okay. - [MR. FOSTER] And a copy

for you, a copy for me, and we'll...

Okay, all set. So...

just make sure you date it there.

What's done is done.

It's important not to

be underinsured again, Mrs. McKenna.

Yes, thank you. I understand.

Uh, I'd say call if you need anything,

but, uh...

I ran over my phone, so...

- [DOOR OPEN] - [BETH] Thank you.

[SIGHS] What am I gonna do?

Mom?

Are you okay?

[INHALES DEEPLY] Yeah.

I'm okay. Yeah.

You can be honest with me.

Did you hear all of that?

Um... maybe.

- Yeah. - [SIGHING]

[VOICE CRACKING] It's my fault.

I took care of the bills, and the insurance,

it was my responsibility, and now...

It's okay.

No, but it's not. Wyatt, I know it's not.

- Mom. - We gotta...

Everything is going to be great.

[SIGHS] How can you be so sure of that?

Because... I just know.

I promise.

[EXHALES TEARFULLY]

Oh, sweetheart. [SNIFFLES]

Oh, thank you.

[SIGHS]

Oh, I needed that.

[HOPEFUL MUSIC]

Okay.

Uh... will you go find your brothers?

Set the table for dinner?

[EXHALES]

[SIGHS]

- [LIAM] Hey... - [DASH] Man, you're slow!

- I'm gonna catch you! - [WYATT] Ow...

[UPBEAT PIANO MUSIC]

[LOCKERS SLAMMING]

[DASH] Arianna! I got a D on my math test.

Um...

I've never gotten a D before.

This is amazing. Thanks, Arianna.

Hey.

- Maya. - Oh.

- Hi. - Here's the thing.

You're new in school. Probably a little shy.

My name's Wyatt.

Let's cut to the chase.

We will definitely be going to the dance together.

How awesome is that?

See, I spotted your tell.

The way you run your fingers through your hair

when you look at me?

It means you like me.

Like, a lot.

First of all Ryan, or Wade,

or whatever you said your name is,

I'm not going to any dance with you.

And FYI, I'm messing with my hair

because some idiot brought head lice to school

and now I think I have it.

It was probably you.

You jerk!

She touched me.

synced & corrected by PopcornAWH www.addic7ed.com