Original subtitles

Roy, is that what you're eating for lunch... caramel corn?

- Damn right. - Well, I thought your cardidiologit

told you to eat healthier.

What does he know?

Well, he knows you're a heart attack waiting to happen.

Give me a break! This is healthy!

Look... Corn is a vegetable.

Peanuts... protein. The caramel's non-fat.

It's basically a salad in a box.

So what prize did you get?

I got this stupid plastic spider.

That's a rip! In my day, you got a real prize!

A little, uh, pinball machine, a fake tattoo.

- Once I even got a real diamond ring. - Really?

Well, it was attached to a finger.

I think it might have been a factory accident.

Hey, you know who we could freak out with this, right?

Owen... he's got terrible arachnophobia.

Oh, we're all afraid of people from Ahmed's country.

I'm not from Iraq. I'm from Egypt.

Sand is sand.

Yeah, this would scare the crap out of him.

He always falls for this stuff.

Let's put it down his shirt.

- Let's put it in his peanuts. - Ooh, that's good.

Oh, here he comes. Here he comes.

Hey, Steve, what do you think? I'm looking for a job.

And there's something here for a computer company

that intrigues me.

Now, aside form porn, what is the Internet?

It's not just for that!

The Internet has changed the world.

It's connected us with people and places

that were unimaginable before.

Wow, Hank. I didn't realize you were so Internet-savvy.

Oh, yeah... That's where I buy and sell

all my Nazi war memorabilia.

What the...?

I told you he'd freak!

- That's not funny, Ahmed! I hit my head! - So?

My head's different than everybody else's.

Yeah, it's bigger, and there's less in it.

No, I have a soft spot back there.

- You mean like a baby? - Exactly. I hit my fontanel.

You hit Roy's sister?

- Fontanel...is that even a real thing? - Yeah.

So the baby's head can squish down

when you're giving birth.

You got to get that baby out of there

as quickly as possible.

I was lucky.

You had a tiny little head...

And delicate, little hips.

You slipped right out like a bar of soap.

Thanks for sharing.

If your dad didn't catch you in his apron,

you would have slipped right into the jukebox.

sync and corrected by bellows www.addic7ed.com

♪ da da da da, da da da, da, da da ♪

♪ da, da da da, da da da ♪

♪ da da da da, da da da, da da da ♪

♪ da da da da, da da da, da da da, da da da, hey! ♪

Steve, I really need your help.

What's up, Carol?

I got a call from the IRS, and they're auditing me.

All right, Carol, don't panic. Most of these are just routine.

But I work at the DMV!

We're all government workers...

We're supposed to help each other out.

If an IRS person comes in,

I don't care if they're legally blind.

I'll give them a driver's license anyway.

It's not personal, Carol. It's random.

Oh, you're naive.

The government has eyes everywhere.

They want to know all your business.

But I'm smarter than them.

As far as the IRS knows,

Ok Cha Sullivan died in 1979.

Is there, uh, anything about your return that's unusual?

No... I report all my income.

I deduct all the normal things...

Hair, makeup, outfits, shoes.

Why do you deduct those, again?

Because they're expensive.

And people expect a certain amount of glamour from me.

I'm not sure if you could technically write off for "glamour."

Oh, great.

The next thing you're gonna tell me

is I can't claim my son, Owen, as a dependent.

Well, he is 30.

Oh, no, no. I don't declare him as my son.

You see, Steve...

And, uh, don't spread this around

because it would embarrass Owen terribly...

But he and I, we have a civil union.

You're married to your son?

Well, I checked the box off one year by mistake,

and they sent me this huge refund,

so I've done it ever since.

Seriously, with that kind of money,

you'd be crazy not to marry your kids.

I'm thinking this isn't gonna be as easy as I thought.

Well, what am I gonna do?

Honestly, Carol, I'm a lawyer.

What you need is an accountant.

Oh, why don't you ask Susan?

Why her?

Because your sister is an accountant.

Oh, right. She is.

You know, your family doesn't give Susan enough credit.

Susan was a partner at a big accounting firm.

She did the books for the bar

back when she was in high school.

I remember that.

She never went to prom because of tax season.

Yeah. That's why.

Susan?

I'm in a little trouble with the IRS,

and I was just wondering if I could get your help.

Of course, Carol.

Why don't we set up a time to review your past returns

and any accompanying documentation you have...

Your long forms, your form C's.

I'll prepare a report, and I'll accompany you

to your meeting with the auditor.

Carol?

Sorry.

You know, I didn't realize that you knew so much.

From listening to your mom,

I just assumed you were basically institutionalized.

Can I get a beer, please, Steve?

Sure, Owen.

Uh... It's a protective helmet!

I got a concussion from that little prank Ahmed played on me,

so I have to wear this to protect my fontanel.

Go ahead, fellas. Laugh it up.

Make fun of stupid Owen.

Hey, we're your friends. We're not gonna make fun of you.

But if the other sperm come in here looking for you,

where should we tell them you are?

Sorry. I'm sorry. We're done.

Absolutely.

So, Owen...

What time are you getting shot out of the Cannon?

Look, I'm done with you guys!

Come on, Owen. We're just joking around.

Hey, look! It's a walking tampon!

Why is the joke always on me?!

- 'Cause it's so easy! - Yeah, but I'm sick of it.

I'm tired of being everyone's target.

Owen, you want me to be honest with you?

- You kind of ask for it. - Do not.

Well, you don't fight your own battles.

You don't stick up for yourself.

You're lucky my mom didn't hear you say that.

Owen, focus for a minute.

Who are you really mad at?

I'm mad at Ahmed for putting a spider in my peanuts.

Exactly... So get him back.

But how? He's a powerful and successful tow-truck driver.

Owen, come on. You know what to do.

He gives you a wedgie, you give him a swirly.

He gives you a pink belly, you give him a titty twister.

That's the Pittsburgh way.

Yeah. I'm from Pittsburgh. I can do that.

Of course you can, Owen.

You're just as smart as they are.

Just need to put on your thinking cap.

You're right. I'm sick of being the butt of everyone's joke.

For once, I just want to get one over on you guys.

Hey, Owen. Does that thing vibrate?

Steve, can I plug my phone in? Can't let it die.

That's the burden of being a first responder.

Ahmed, tow-truck drivers are not first responders.

Uh, yeah, we are.

It goes police, fire, tow truck, coast guard.

I got it.

Roy! Come here a second!

Melanie, you're a paramedic.

You get me, as a fellow first responder.

I don't even get you as a second responder.

You clean up after everybody's left.

You're like an asphalt bus boy.

Steel town towing.

Yeah. Sure.

Downtown.

The Nigerian ambassador's limo broke down.

The limo with all the flags on it.

Got it. Yeah. I'll be right there.

It is a blessing

that you are coming to get us.

How long? Half-hour? Good, good. My wives are scared.

And we need you to come very fast.

We are depending on you as a first responder.

Praise by Jesus. Thank you.

Guys, seriously, I thought you got over prank calls

back in high school.

Yeah, where did you guys really send Ahmed?

Obama's in town.

Sent him to go tow the president's limo.

Impressive, Owen...

You've involved the federal government.

Wait. I-I don't get why that's funny.

'Cause he's an arab-American driving a huge tow truck

right at the presidential limousine!

He could be arrested or shot!

That's the joke!

And this is for my nighttime moisturizing serum

with Alpha-hydroxy acids.

Hey, this doesn't happen by accident.

You know, I've got to be honest with you, Carol.

It's gonna be really hard to convince the auditor

- that these are legitimate business expenses. - Why?

Because they're not legitimate business expenses.

That's not the way I look at it.

Susan, have you noticed something

about people these days?

They walk around in their awful t-shirts

and their dirty jeans.

Everything is so drab.

There's no pizzazz, no glamour, no allure.

That's where I come in.

Work at the DMV ends at 5:00,

so I clear out by 3:30.

I head straight home. I take a long bath.

I lay out that night's outfit.

I choose my powder and my scent, and I bring it all together.

I sit in this bar, and I glow.

I give people something sensual and radiant to look at.

And often I get laid.

But that's not why I do it.

All right, that's one of the reasons why I do it.

But the main reason

is that people need beauty in their lives.

And I'm here to bring it to them.

I don't think the IRS is gonna see it that way.

I'm sorry, Carol.

I think you're gonna owe a lot of money.

Oh, this is terrible. I don't have any money.

What am I gonna do now, divorce my son?

Look, Carol, in my experience,

a lot of these audits come down to the relationship

between the accountant and the auditor.

So, we'll just go down and talk to James Franklin

and hope for the best.

James Franklin?

Yeah, do you know him?

I know he's a man.

Honey, we've got no problem.

- What do you mean? - He's a man.

I can get him to do anything I want.

That's my superpower.

I don't think that's a superpower.

Honey, trust me.

It's a superpower.

It's right up there with flying and squirting spider webs.

Ok Cha, tell your daughter what my superpower is.

You're a big slut.

Boy, Ahmed's been gone forever.

This is going better than I could have ever dreamed.

Well, for your sake, I hope it turns out okay.

Hey, he started it.

Dad, I'm sure Ahmed's laughing about it right now.

Hey, Ahmed. What happened?

That wasn't the Nigerian ambassador on the phone.

Somebody here sent me to tow the president's limo.

Gotcha! Boom!

Yeah... thanks, Owen.

Homeland Security thought I was a terrorist.

Well, if it walks like a duck and it talks like a duck...

They threw me in a room. They interrogated me for hours.

They strip-searched me.

Hey, that's the Pittsburgh way.

Owen, I was anally probed!

Did they find anything?

You guys have no idea

what it's like to be Arab-American.

People take one look at you,

and they just think you're carrying a bomb.

Ahmed, y-you're right. That's terrible.

This got way out of hand.

Owen, you wanted to get one of the guys, and you did it,

but I think you went a little too far.

So just apologize to Ahmed and be done with it.

Wait, what?

The one time I get one of you guys back,

I have to apologize?

I'll apologize to his butt

when he apologizes for my brain.

They took my buttginity.

They took Roy's grandmother?

You guys need to grow up and stop with this pranking crap.

You're all a bunch of man-babies.

- Why, when I was your age, I had already fought in a war. - Me, too.

- I had two kids. - Me, too.

- I had a mortgage. - Me, too!

And I didn't sit around in a bar drinking all day.

Here's where we part ways.

You know what this is about?

This is about the fact that, for once,

Owen Walsh got one of you guys back.

And you know what, Ahmed? You can't take it.

Oh, I can take it.

I took it in the basement of the federal building.

And I took it in my own, personal basement.

Hey, hey. Drop it.

Look, if anything, you both should be mad at Roy.

It was Roy with the spider. It was Roy on the phone.

So, let's just shut it down.

Oh, no. This isn't over. I'm just getting started.

And no one in the bar is safe.

I won't forget this. You're dead.

I'm not afraid of you.

I'm not afraid of him.

Oh, give Ahmed some time. He'll get over it.

Oh, yeah, his people are known for that.

I've looked through your tax returns

and your supporting legal documents,

and I fail to understand how all these beauty products

constitute allowable tax deductions.

Well, as my client says in her letter,

one of the requirements of her public persona

is to maintain a glamorous and...

Alluring.

Alluring appearance, as well as to...

Radiate sex appeal.

Well, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to disallow

all these deductions.

Which means that you are gonna owe the government...

Now would be a good time to use your superpower.

Mr. Franklin.

Mr. Franklin.

Mr. Franklin, look at me.

Hello there, James.

Hello there.

Do you know what I do, James?

I love.

That's why I was put on this earth...

to give and receive

deep and lasting pleasure.

Wait. What am I doing?

You're about to ask me out to dinner.

Will you go out to dinner with me?

Of course I will, James.

Oh. Well, I guess I'll see you tonight at 6:30.

Don't be late. I won't. I'm leaving right now.

Carol, that was awesome!

Well, it was okay.

Usually I get them to give me their car.

Hi. I'm Mrs. Deitmuller.

Where's James?

He just walked straight out of the building.

I'll be your new auditor.

Let me just finish totaling up what you owe.

Mrs. Deitmuller.

Mrs. Deitmuller.

Mrs. Deitmuller, look at me.

Do you know why I was put on earth?

Don't give a shit.

bottom of the ninth, bases loaded, two outs.

And it's a strike.

Why didn't he swing?

That was right down the middle.

How did you get to be such a big baseball fan?

Oh, everybody plays baseball in South Korea.

But nobody hits a home run

because it goes into north Korea,

and you never get the ball back.

Let's go! Yeah! Yeah!

Ah! The satellite's out! You got to be kidding me.

- Owen, it's your turn to go up on the - On it.

And while you're up there,

jiggle me some free "Game of Thrones."

Did you do it?

Oh, yeah. Did it this morning.

I put the spider right on the dish.

Awesome.

Owen's gonna climb all the way to the roof,

see the spider, and freak.

Yeah, you're finally gonna get him back.

Aah! Spider!

Oh, my God!

Owen! Is he okay?

He's not breathing.

Come on, buddy. Come on.

This isn't happening.

You couldn't stop! You had to do one more!

You happy now?

I can't believe I'm saying this.

He's gone.

Oh, my God. Owen.

I should have never put that spider up there.

This is my fault.

I'm sorry, buddy.

Aah! Aah!

Gotcha!

I got you, finally!

Owen Walsh, master prankster.

Thanks for the assist, Ahmed.

It was my pleasure.

Just a little short of breath here.

S-so you two aren't mad at each other anymore?

No, we got over it by getting you.

So you were all in on this?

Well, mostly I'm against this kind of jackass stuff.

But, uh, you should have seen your face!

So what flew by the window? Oh, CPR dummy.

Thanks for that mouth-to-mouth, by the way.

Yeah, next time, lay off the tongue.

Got to admit, Roy, that was pretty funny.

Not really. I'm starting to feel a little bad here, Steve.

My... my arm's tingling.

Feels like an elephant's sitting on my chest.

Seriously?

You're gonna pull a fake death prank

after a fake death prank?

You're better than that, Roy.

Guys, I'm serious.

It's starting to hurt here.

Guys? Guys?

Call 911.

Yeah, it was a heart attack.

It was a mild one, but it was real.

Thank God for the defibrillator.

Your uncle was there?

Hank, cut it out. His uncle's name's not defibrillator.

Actually, it is.

See? Those people don't have normal names.

So we've pranked the whole body...

The ass, the head, the heart.

Are we done now?

Yeah.

I was thinking about that as I was headed to the light,

towards my grandma and Michael Jackson.

And I thought about you, Owen, and you're right.

We always did make you the butt of the jokes,

and I'm sorry for that, man.

So I'm glad you got me. I'm glad you got me good.

And I'm glad I'm still alive.

Thanks, man.

I'm glad you're still alive, too.

See? This is nice.

Everybody's friends, no more pranks.

Just sitting, hanging, drinking beer.

Speaking of which, round on me, Steve.

Coming up.

And the winner of the wet-t-shirt contest...

Miss Steve Sullivan!

Okay, okay. Good one. Good one.

You got me. Are the pranks done now?

Yeah. Yeah. They're done.

Ugh.

Good.

Hey, Carol. I just got a call from the IRS.

Your audit is complete, and you owe nothing.

Isn't that amazing?

Well, I kind of knew I was going to skate.

How? When we left that office,

Mrs. Deitmuller seemed like she had made up her mind.

Yes, but then I called her later,

and we met for coffee, and...

Things went from there.

Wait a minute...

You have a superpower with women too?

Well, yes.

I discovered it a few years ago at a Subaru dealership.

But that's not what happened.

I asked her about herself,

and it turns out she was lonely.

So I gave her a few tips.

There's beauty in there. It just needed to blossom.

And she's a quick learner... Watch.

Look at me.

sync and corrected by bellows www.addic7ed.com

Is it karaoke contest time?

That's right.

And we've got a brand-new machine.

What's the point? Every contest we enter, we lose.

Okay, we lost the darts contest

to the yuppies from Shadyside.

How they threw so well

with sweaters tied around their necks,

I'll never know.

We also lost the 8-ball contest.

That one hurt.

That was to the hipsters in Lawrenceville,

and I hate hipsters.

And I don't appreciate #weownthenight.

Sullivan & Son is not gonna lose

every bar contest in Pittsburgh...

Not on my watch.

Actually, dad, it's watch.

Then why aren't you as pissed as I am?

The other bars are kicking our ass!

I'd like to win one of these contests.

For once, for us...

For Sullivan & Son to take home a trophy.

Steve?

Owen and I are ready.

We're gonna win this contest.

We've been rehearsing for months.

We just can't decide which number to do together.

Right. Mom wants to do "I touch myself."

I think we should do "I want your sex."

Okay, we all agree you two

are the best singers we've got.

I sense a "but" coming.

But when you sing dirty songs to each other

and people find out you're mother and son,

they throw up, and then we lose.

Excuse me?

Look, the songs you sing are inappropriate

for a mother and son to sing together.

Th-they're just too graphic and sexual.

Oh, that again?

Relax, Steve.

We have a backup song that's really tame.

♪ When I came home last night ♪

♪ you wouldn't make love to me ♪

♪ you went fast asleep ♪

♪ you wouldn't even talk to me ♪

♪ give it to me, baby ♪ ♪ give it to me, baby ♪

♪ make it hot like you've had enough♪

♪ give it to me, give it to me ♪

♪ give it to me, give it to me, give it to me♪

Whoa! Stop! Stop!

Did anybody else's boys just retract?

Sync and corrections by bellows www.addic7ed.com

♪ da da da da, da da da, da, da da ♪

♪ da, da da da, da da da ♪

♪ da da da da, da da da, da da da ♪

♪ da da da da, da da da, da da da, da da da, hey! ♪

Hey! Not so fast!

Time to pay your bar tab, ladies.

Come on.

For as much money as we spend here,

maybe once in a while we could get something for free.

Hey! Don't you use the f-word in here.

Steve, doesn't your mom ever loosen up?

Well, legend has it, there was one time.

It was the bar's 20th anniversary.

My mom had two sips of champagne,

got all giddy, ripped up everybody's bar tabs.

So, that's all we have to do?

Get her drunk, and it's bye-bye, bar tab.

So the legend goes.

Of course, all the witnesses

have since mysteriously disappeared.

I'm kidding.

I'm not kidding.

Check one, check one.

Dad, what are you doing?

You know and I know

that Owen and Carol are gonna sing some song

that's wildly inappropriate for a mother and son.

Now, someone else in this bar has got to have a good voice.

I'm holding auditions.

Who's next?

I am!

♪ Here in my car, I feel safest of all ♪

♪ I can lock all my doors ♪

♪ it's the only way to live ♪

♪ in cars ♪

♪ ba-dum, ba-dum ♪

♪ here in my car, I can only receive ♪

♪ I can listen to you ♪

♪ it keeps me stable for days ♪

♪ in cars ♪

♪ ba-dum, ba-dum ♪

Thank you, Hank!

We'll let you know!

Nailed it!

Uh, I'd like to mention that if I'm chosen,

during the performance,

I will do a robot dance for added pizzazz.

Next.

♪Are you going ♪

♪ to Scar... Scarborough fair? ♪

♪ parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme ♪

I remember the fair.

Daddy would take me there.

We would get lost in a corn maze.

Boring!

Thank you, dear.

I-I'm actually really good.

I-I trained in opera.

I'm just not good at singing in front of people.

Then why don't you go home and practice

in front of your stuffed animals and come back?

Jack, we've come up with a number

that's gonna make everybody happy.

It's totally G-rated.

♪ Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream ♪

♪ merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, ♪

♪ life is but a dream ♪

Row that boat!

Oh, yeah!

Unh! Yeah!

Guys! Guys!

What? What? What?

What is that?

It's called the tush push.

- Let's show them the "groin join". - Oh, that's a good one.

Okay, stop it!

- So, dad, how'd the rest of the auditions turned out? - Terrible

A dozen auditions, Melanie was the best.

What does that tell you?

It tells me that my feelings don't count!

I'm sorry, Hank.

It just wasn't your year.

Bullshit! It is my year!

I'm a superstar!

Who's the hottie at 10:00?

I'm on it, mom.

Hey.

You come here often?

Uh, no... actually, it's my first time here.

Can I get you a drink?

Ah, I think I'm giving you the wrong impression.

Uh, I'm straight.

Knew I couldn't pull off a v-neck.

I'm straight, too,

and you are totally pulling off that v-neck.

In fact, there's a lady back there

that wants to pull that v-neck off you.

She's gorgeous.

That's my mom. She's pretty bang-tastic, huh?

Are you, uh, advertising your mother?

Yeah, but it goes both ways.

I scope wang, she scopes tang.

Hi, I, uh... I was talking to your son.

A little weird.

But, uh, he only had nice things to say about you.

Well, let me tell you about the really naughty things.

Hey, can I get a...

...Glass of water?

There's a puddle out front. Go to town.

Let's just man up, bite the bullet,

find some money, and pay our tabs.

This is what we owe her.

How about we hit her with a boot Jack,

throw her in the trunk, and dump her by the oil rigs?

Or we could just get Ok Cha drunk.

Forget it. My mom doesn't drink.

Why don't we spike her tea?

She'd taste that.

What about kimchi?

The stripper from the golden banana?

No, kimchi is pickled cabbage my mom eats all day.

But it tastes so strong that if you spike it,

she won't notice.

By nighttime, she'll be completely hammered.

So, we spike her kimchi.

Great idea. Let's just load it up.

Well, wait a minute. Wait a minute.

She's only 86 pounds. We don't want to kill her.

Let him finish.

Two champagne cocktails, Steve.

Well, let me guess.

You and Daryl are getting along?

Oh, Steve, he's fantastic.

He's fun, he's charming, he's considerate.

His accent's a little fakey,

but when you're carrying around that much tackle...

Got it, Carol.

The point is,

I think the right guy walked into this bar.

I could really fall for him.

That's great, Carol.

♪ La, la, la, la, la, la, laaa ♪

It's not gonna happen, Hank.

Keep saying that, but I saw "Dreamgirls."

I know how this goes.

Hey, Steve, you seen my mom?

She's over there with Daryl.

Oh, poor guy. That's her break-up move.

I'm not sure that's what's going on here.

Trust me, Steve. Mom's got a dating rule.

Three dates and out.

Then she's home in time for "Scooby-doo"

and hot chocolate with her main man.

Don't wait up for me tonight, Owen.

Daryl and I are going out to dinner.

Mom, what about three-and-out?

I don't know. Maybe this could be four-or-more.

Four-or-more?!

What does that mean for me and Scooby?

Well, it's just you and Shaggy now.

I love this song.

Oh, so do I.

- Do you sing? - You kidding me?

I was in a band in high school.

So was I!

Well, I did a band in high school.

♪ Turn around, bright eyes ♪

♪ every now and then I fall apart ♪

♪ and I need you now tonight ♪

♪ and I need you more than ever ♪

♪ and if you only hold me tight ♪

♪ we'll be holding on forever ♪

Listen to them. They're incredible together.

You guys should sing together in the contest!

- What?! Are you kidding me? - Wha... well, what do you think?

I'd love to!

♪ I really need you tonight ♪

♪ forever's gonna start tonight ♪

♪ forever's gonna start tonight ♪

Hey, what's going on?

You're singing with another man?

It's not what you think.

I have ears! I'm not blind!

I'm sorry. What's happening here?

You shut it, home wrecker.

We just started singing together,

and one thing led to another.

Oh, my God. You're dumping me?

Daryl, look...

I know we sing well together,

but I think I just must have lost my head,

because I promised Owen

that we would sing in the contest together.

Is that all right?

Of course.

Okay. Rehearsal time!

Daryl, do you mind?

Sure, buddy. You are not my dad!

Let's go, mom.

♪ Turn around ♪

♪ every now and then I get a little bit lonely ♪

♪ that you're never coming 'round ♪

♪ turn around ♪

♪ every now and then I get a little bit tired ♪

♪ of listening to the sound of my tears ♪

Stop. Mom, you're just going through the motions.

Where's the pizzazz?

Owen, this is hard for me to say.

I really like Daryl.

Maybe it's time that you and I sang with different people.

Really? That's what you want?

Honey, I love singing with you.

I'm just not in love with singing with you.

So, that's how it's gonna be, huh?

Take a good look.

'Cause some day, this is gonna be you.

How? She's not my mother.

You could've fooled me.

Poor Owen.

Yeah.

He's really hurting.

We got a shot! We got a shot!

Yes! Yes!

Owen?

How'd you know where to find me, Steve?

I didn't know I was looking for you.

What are you doing here?

I'm running away from home.

You're 30. At your age, it's called "moving out."

I'm not really moving out.

I'm just gonna let her miss me a little bit.

See, Owen, you treat your mom like she's your girlfriend.

Which means when she has a real boyfriend,

you feel like you've been dumped,

which is weird!

You've never understood the love me and my mom have.

We're different, Steve. Our love is special.

We play by our own rules.

That's the concern!

Owen, your mom's here.

I knew it.

You see that, Steve?

You treat them like shit, they come crawling back.

Send her in.

Don't go in there, Carol.

I need to apologize and make it right.

What are you apologizing for?

For living your life?

I've known you a long time.

I was there before you had him.

I watched you raise him.

You're a damn good mother.

He's hurting, Jack.

Well, that comes with the gig.

You raise your kids, and you have to let them go.

And it hurts.

That's how you know you're doing a good job.

Maybe you're right.

Then you meet somebody.

You get along.

You sing together,

and you win the trophy for Sullivan & Son.

Thanks, Jack.

Maybe it's time we both grew up, huh?

Was that my mom I just heard?

Yeah, she just left.

What?

Bitches be crazy!

♪ Once upon a time, there was light in my life ♪

♪ now there's only love in the dark ♪ ♪

♪ nothing I can say ♪

♪ a total eclipse of the heart ♪

Ladies and gentlemen, one more time

for the Carol and Daryl experience!

Judges, what say you?

Aah! 48 out of 50,

the highest score of the night!

Now, ladies and gentlemen,

from Mark's pub in Shadyside, Tom and Randy!

They're going with a brother act?

That's no brother act.

♪ We're no strangers to love ♪

♪ you know the rules, and so do I ♪

♪ a full commitment's what I'm thinking of ♪

♪ you wouldn't get this from any other guy ♪

♪ I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling ♪

The one thing we didn't plan for...

Gays.

Let me tell you, they've got the "it" factor.

You know how I know?

Because I've got the "it" factor.

And you didn't recognize that, either!

Go screw yourself!

That's her third bowl of spiked kimchi.

I know, but I can't tell.

Is it working?

Bye bye, bar tab.

♪ Never gonna give, never gonna give ♪

♪ give you up ♪

♪ never gonna give, never gonna give ♪

♪ give you up ♪

Tom and Randy.

49? 49?

We lost?

Steve, I'm telling you. I can win this.

I'm a trained singer.

I just can't do it in front of people.

So, what do you want me to do,

have everybody stand outside while you sing?

Perfect!

Hi, I'm Owen Walsh.

Used to be a part of The Lovin' Walshes.

Now I'm working solo.

This one's going out to mom.

♪ At first, I was afraid, I was petrified ♪

♪ kept thinking I could never live without you by my side ♪

♪ but then I spent so many nights ♪

♪ thinking how you did me wrong ♪

♪ and I grew strong ♪

I learned how to get along!

Now, go on! Go!

Walk out the door!

Don't turn around now,

'cause you're not welcome anymore!

Weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye?!

Did you think I would crumble?!

Did you think I would lay down and die?!

Hey! Hey!

Leave him alone!

He's hurting!

Don't worry, baby.

If I can survive, you can survive.

You've got to sing it like you mean it!

♪ Oh, yes, yes, you ♪

♪ you will survive ♪

♪ oh, as long as you know how to love ♪

♪ you know you'll stay alive ♪

She's definitely drunk now.

No, no, she's hammered.

Look at her. She's happy.

I don't feel safe.

Hey! Hey!

Oh, I am recording this.

I always kind of hoped she'd do that

while she was on top of me.

And stop. And delete.

- You're going to survive, right? - Right!

Then sing with me!

♪ I will survive ♪

♪ oh, as long as I know how to love ♪

♪ I know I'll stay alive ♪

♪ I've got all my life to live ♪

♪ I've got all my love to give ♪

♪ I'll survive ♪

♪ I will survive ♪

♪ whoa, whoa, now go ♪

♪ walk out the door ♪

♪ just turn around now ♪

♪ oh, you're not welcome anymore ♪

♪ weren't you the one who tried to crush me with goodbye? ♪

♪ you think I'd crumble? ♪

♪ oh, was I gonna lay down and die?! ♪

♪ oh, no, not I ♪

♪ I will survive ♪

♪ whoa, as long as I know how to love ♪

♪ I know I'll stay alive ♪

♪ I've got all my life to live ♪

♪ I've got all my love to give ♪

♪ and I'll survive ♪

♪ I will survive! ♪

50! They got a 50!

Holy crap, we won!

Hey!

Who wants to do Tequila shots

off of my belly?

Steve, go get your mother!

Dad... brought home the trophy.

The losing streak's over.

Who knows?

This could be the start of a good run.

- The dart tournament's next month. - Hey, hey, hey.

Let's just enjoy tonight.

Tonight, we're champions.

Congratulations, sweetie.

You were terrific.

Thanks, mom.

Owen, that was amazing.

Thank you.

And I'm sorry I overreacted about you and my mom.

Oh, I understand.

And I want you to know that I'm very fond of your mother.

She's very special.

Take care of her.

Thanks, sweetie.

So, Ok Cha.

Ohh, there's my chocolate Teddy bear.

It's about our bar tab.

I'm feeling so good,

I'm going to show you

what I'm going to do with your tabs.

Feel so sleepy.

B-b-before you pass out, just tear up...

Tear up the tab.

I just need to put my head down.

Tear up the tabs!

All we have to do is slide the tab out,

tear it up ourselves,

then, in the morning, tell her she did it.

Don't try it, fat boys!

Is anybody here?

Ave Maria ♪

♪ gratia plena♪

♪ Maria♪

♪ gratia plena♪

♪ benedicta ♪

♪ et benedictus♪

♪ fructus ventris ♪

♪ ventris tui ♪

♪ jesus♪

♪ ave Maria ♪

sync and corrections by bellows www.addic7ed.com