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1
00:00:02,176 --> 00:00:03,576
Steve, check us out.
2
00:00:03,644 --> 00:00:06,413
Do we look like congressmen
or what?
3
00:00:06,447 --> 00:00:08,614
Those are nice suits.
You guys look great.
4
00:00:08,649 --> 00:00:10,983
Best thing about these suits,
Steve... they were totally free.
5
00:00:11,018 --> 00:00:12,419
I towed this guy
who's a suit salesman.
6
00:00:12,453 --> 00:00:14,087
He paid me with two free suits.
7
00:00:14,121 --> 00:00:16,056
- Hey, where's my free suit?
- Sorry, Roy.
8
00:00:16,090 --> 00:00:17,723
They didn't have anything
in a diabetic 52.
9
00:00:20,694 --> 00:00:23,196
Hi, there.
Hello.
10
00:00:23,230 --> 00:00:25,932
Are you guys checking out
all the dive bars in town, too?
11
00:00:25,966 --> 00:00:27,367
Excuse me?
12
00:00:27,401 --> 00:00:29,069
Sometimes it's just nice
to get a break
13
00:00:29,103 --> 00:00:30,970
from all the trendy places
and go slumming
14
00:00:31,004 --> 00:00:32,605
at, like, a real
working-class bar bar, you know?
15
00:00:32,639 --> 00:00:35,708
Um... hey, can we buy
you guys a drink?
16
00:00:37,078 --> 00:00:38,378
Absolutely.
17
00:00:40,114 --> 00:00:41,314
I was starting to get offended
18
00:00:41,382 --> 00:00:42,648
until they offered
to buy us a drink.
19
00:00:42,683 --> 00:00:45,485
Yeah.
What just happened?
20
00:00:45,553 --> 00:00:47,087
Honey, it's the suit.
21
00:00:47,121 --> 00:00:48,721
You look like a totally
different person.
22
00:00:48,755 --> 00:00:49,589
Really, mom?
23
00:00:49,623 --> 00:00:50,957
Yes.
24
00:00:51,024 --> 00:00:52,225
Those girls are classy
and educated.
25
00:00:52,293 --> 00:00:53,659
And you know
what I've always said
26
00:00:53,694 --> 00:00:55,228
about those kind of girls.
27
00:00:55,262 --> 00:00:58,030
They're horny and easy to bang.
Exactly!
28
00:00:58,065 --> 00:01:00,567
Ahmed, those girls think we're rich.
They approached us.
29
00:01:00,601 --> 00:01:02,303
That's never happened before.
Let's go for this.
30
00:01:02,304 --> 00:01:03,636
Yeah, but what happens
when they find out
31
00:01:03,637 --> 00:01:05,638
that you're unemployed
and I'm just a tow-truck driver?
32
00:01:05,672 --> 00:01:08,108
Oh, don't worry about that.
You look hot in those suits.
33
00:01:08,175 --> 00:01:09,509
Those girls are into you.
34
00:01:09,543 --> 00:01:12,011
The train is leaving
the station.
35
00:01:12,045 --> 00:01:13,713
Hop on the Cooter Express.
36
00:01:13,747 --> 00:01:15,748
I love you, mommy.
37
00:01:15,816 --> 00:01:18,218
I love you, too, Owie.
38
00:01:19,720 --> 00:01:22,155
We have a very different relationship.
39
00:01:23,591 --> 00:01:25,291
Not that I'm complaining.
40
00:01:26,796 --> 00:01:30,796
sync and corrections by bellows
www.addic7ed.com
41
00:01:30,797 --> 00:01:34,667
♪ Da da da da,
da da da, da, da da ♪
42
00:01:34,701 --> 00:01:39,038
♪ da, da da da, da da da ♪
43
00:01:39,072 --> 00:01:43,109
♪ da da da da,
da da da, da da da ♪
44
00:01:43,177 --> 00:01:48,714
♪ da da da da, da da da,
da da da, da da da, hey! ♪
45
00:01:48,749 --> 00:01:51,083
I'll buy an E, please.
46
00:01:51,118 --> 00:01:53,453
You're buying a vowel?
You idiot!
47
00:01:53,487 --> 00:01:54,687
Just solve it.
48
00:01:54,721 --> 00:01:57,457
It's "planes, trains
and automobiles."
49
00:01:57,491 --> 00:01:59,292
Why are people so stupid?
50
00:01:59,326 --> 00:02:01,694
Steve,
why are people so stupid?
51
00:02:01,762 --> 00:02:03,163
What's up with you today?
52
00:02:03,230 --> 00:02:04,497
You... you're not yourself.
53
00:02:04,532 --> 00:02:05,598
Oh, I'm sorry, Steve.
54
00:02:05,633 --> 00:02:07,167
It's just some family stuff.
55
00:02:07,234 --> 00:02:09,302
You know, I thought
I was a good dad.
56
00:02:09,336 --> 00:02:11,304
I did my best...
raised them right,
57
00:02:11,338 --> 00:02:13,473
good values, loving household.
58
00:02:13,507 --> 00:02:16,176
But I've got one kid who
hates me for no reason.
59
00:02:16,210 --> 00:02:17,810
And you just don't want things
60
00:02:17,844 --> 00:02:20,046
to end in a bad place
with your kid.
61
00:02:20,080 --> 00:02:21,481
Which kid is it?
62
00:02:21,515 --> 00:02:23,849
Oh, the one who married
the Mexican gal.
63
00:02:24,785 --> 00:02:28,588
You know, we haven't talked
in years and then... look.
64
00:02:28,622 --> 00:02:30,456
He sends me this in the mail.
65
00:02:30,491 --> 00:02:32,625
It's an invite
to my granddaughter's,
66
00:02:32,660 --> 00:02:33,693
uh, I don't know.
67
00:02:33,727 --> 00:02:35,261
How do you pronounce that?
68
00:02:35,329 --> 00:02:36,762
Quinceañera.
69
00:02:36,797 --> 00:02:38,665
Yeah, what the hell is that?
70
00:02:38,699 --> 00:02:41,634
It's a traditional
Latino celebration
71
00:02:41,702 --> 00:02:44,837
where a 15-year-old girl
becomes a woman.
72
00:02:44,871 --> 00:02:47,740
I actually dozed off
during that sentence.
73
00:02:49,410 --> 00:02:51,377
How is inviting you
to a party an insult?
74
00:02:51,412 --> 00:02:53,279
Because they don't
really want me there.
75
00:02:53,347 --> 00:02:56,316
They haven't wanted anything
to do with me since the wedding.
76
00:02:56,350 --> 00:02:58,651
They got all bent out of shape
when I questioned
77
00:02:58,686 --> 00:03:01,087
the immigration status
of the bride's family.
78
00:03:01,121 --> 00:03:02,589
What'd you do?
79
00:03:02,656 --> 00:03:04,524
Set up a checkpoint as they're
walking down the aisle?
80
00:03:04,558 --> 00:03:05,692
Got a better time?
81
00:03:05,759 --> 00:03:07,293
They're already in single file.
82
00:03:08,395 --> 00:03:09,829
And that was 15 years ago?
83
00:03:09,863 --> 00:03:12,699
That's a long time
not to talk to your kids.
84
00:03:12,733 --> 00:03:15,501
Well, it goes by fast
when you drink a lot.
85
00:03:15,536 --> 00:03:18,404
Well, maybe that's why
he invited you to the event.
86
00:03:18,439 --> 00:03:20,540
You know,
he just wants to reconnect.
87
00:03:20,574 --> 00:03:22,775
Don't you think it's time
you talked to him?
88
00:03:22,809 --> 00:03:24,544
Maybe even apologized?
89
00:03:24,578 --> 00:03:27,380
He called me names and threw
me out of his own wedding.
90
00:03:27,448 --> 00:03:30,216
I'll apologize to him
when he apologizes to me.
91
00:03:35,422 --> 00:03:38,458
Excuse me, Hank.
You dropped this.
92
00:03:38,492 --> 00:03:39,659
Oh, thank you.
93
00:03:39,693 --> 00:03:41,728
Hey, are you Pat Sajak?
94
00:03:41,762 --> 00:03:43,730
Yep.
All day.
95
00:03:45,966 --> 00:03:47,267
But you were...
96
00:03:47,334 --> 00:03:48,901
Yeah, but you
just turned me off.
97
00:03:48,969 --> 00:03:51,537
I mean, that's how I make
my living, you know... ratings.
98
00:03:51,572 --> 00:03:52,472
I'm sorry.
99
00:03:52,506 --> 00:03:53,773
I'm just kidding.
100
00:03:53,807 --> 00:03:55,575
Honestly, I only work
eight days a year,
101
00:03:55,609 --> 00:03:57,410
and if I told you
how much they paid me,
102
00:03:57,444 --> 00:03:58,678
you'd love me a little less.
103
00:04:00,347 --> 00:04:01,814
You do love me,
don't you, Hank?
104
00:04:01,848 --> 00:04:03,182
Oh, I do.
I do.
105
00:04:03,216 --> 00:04:04,884
Of course you do.
106
00:04:04,918 --> 00:04:06,686
I'm Pat Sajak.
107
00:04:06,720 --> 00:04:08,721
Hey, Steve.
Steve.
108
00:04:08,756 --> 00:04:10,423
Steve, look who's here.
109
00:04:10,491 --> 00:04:11,591
Don't do that, Hank.
110
00:04:11,625 --> 00:04:13,793
Why not?
I want to show you off.
111
00:04:13,827 --> 00:04:15,461
Hey, look who
my new best friend is...
112
00:04:15,496 --> 00:04:16,763
Pat Sajak.
113
00:04:16,797 --> 00:04:19,666
How about that?
Me and Pat Sajak.
114
00:04:19,700 --> 00:04:20,800
Not bad, huh?
115
00:04:20,867 --> 00:04:22,702
Who's he talking to?
116
00:04:22,736 --> 00:04:24,737
I don't know, but he's smiling.
117
00:04:24,772 --> 00:04:26,539
So it must be a white guy.
118
00:04:28,241 --> 00:04:30,343
They can't see me, Hank.
119
00:04:30,377 --> 00:04:33,346
- Why not? - Well, I have no idea.
I just appear to you.
120
00:04:33,380 --> 00:04:35,448
- Why? - I don't know.
You tell me.
121
00:04:35,482 --> 00:04:36,783
You're brain's doing this.
122
00:04:36,817 --> 00:04:38,418
Well, I have no idea.
123
00:04:38,452 --> 00:04:40,920
I mean, I'm a big fan,
and I'm very good at the game.
124
00:04:40,954 --> 00:04:42,455
Hey, that last puzzle.
125
00:04:42,489 --> 00:04:44,990
That was "planes, trains
and automobiles," right?
126
00:04:45,025 --> 00:04:46,492
Oh, of course it was.
127
00:04:46,527 --> 00:04:47,728
You know, I've been doing
this for 30 years,
128
00:04:47,762 --> 00:04:50,497
and 10 years ago, I decided
to just spin the wheel
129
00:04:50,531 --> 00:04:51,765
and check out emotionally.
130
00:04:52,499 --> 00:04:54,266
You know, I don't blame you.
131
00:04:54,301 --> 00:04:55,802
I did the same thing at my job.
132
00:04:55,869 --> 00:04:57,537
At a certain point,
133
00:04:57,571 --> 00:04:59,972
it's just hard to give a damn
about what happens at work.
134
00:05:00,006 --> 00:05:00,973
What do you do, Hank?
135
00:05:01,007 --> 00:05:02,375
I'm an air-traffic controller.
136
00:05:10,319 --> 00:05:11,786
♪ ♪
137
00:05:11,821 --> 00:05:14,255
Well, Hank,
your pupils aren't dilated,
138
00:05:14,323 --> 00:05:17,992
and your eyes are their normal
healthy shade of yellow.
139
00:05:19,428 --> 00:05:21,429
So you're seeing Pat right now?
140
00:05:21,463 --> 00:05:22,764
He's right next to me.
141
00:05:22,798 --> 00:05:24,265
Nobody else sees Pat Sajak?
142
00:05:24,333 --> 00:05:26,234
No.
143
00:05:26,268 --> 00:05:28,169
Why don't they see you?
144
00:05:28,204 --> 00:05:31,873
What's ironic is,
I'm seen by millions daily.
145
00:05:31,907 --> 00:05:33,908
Melanie, shouldn't he
go to the hospital?
146
00:05:33,943 --> 00:05:36,044
Well, it might be a good idea
to get a few tests.
147
00:05:36,078 --> 00:05:36,845
No, no, no.
148
00:05:36,879 --> 00:05:38,581
No hospitals. No doctors.
No tests.
149
00:05:38,615 --> 00:05:40,015
Don't be stupid, Hank.
150
00:05:40,150 --> 00:05:42,417
Something's up if you see
that guy from "Jeopardy!"
151
00:05:42,452 --> 00:05:44,054
Okay, now,
that's just ignorant.
152
00:05:44,888 --> 00:05:47,256
Now you're making him mad.
153
00:05:47,324 --> 00:05:48,858
Melanie is a professional.
154
00:05:48,892 --> 00:05:51,026
If she thinks
you should go to the hospital,
155
00:05:51,061 --> 00:05:52,294
you should go.
156
00:05:52,329 --> 00:05:54,029
Forget it.
Nobody's taking me anywhere.
157
00:05:54,097 --> 00:05:55,798
I'm fine.
It's nothing.
158
00:05:55,833 --> 00:05:58,501
I've just got the
24-hour Pat Sajak bug.
159
00:05:58,535 --> 00:06:00,436
Now, if you'll excuse me,
160
00:06:00,504 --> 00:06:03,773
I'd like to drink my beer
alone, in peace.
161
00:06:03,807 --> 00:06:05,408
Well, you can come.
162
00:06:05,442 --> 00:06:07,543
Oh, right.
163
00:06:09,713 --> 00:06:12,048
- Enjoying the bubbly, ladies?
- Oh, yes.
164
00:06:12,782 --> 00:06:14,816
The last time we had champagne,
we were on a sailboat.
165
00:06:14,884 --> 00:06:16,385
I got so so seasick.
166
00:06:16,419 --> 00:06:18,020
That is two things
you do not want to mix...
167
00:06:18,255 --> 00:06:19,688
Champagne and regatta.
168
00:06:19,722 --> 00:06:21,123
Yeah.
169
00:06:21,157 --> 00:06:22,757
I had bad regatta
on pizza once.
170
00:06:22,792 --> 00:06:23,725
Almost killed me.
171
00:06:27,197 --> 00:06:28,530
You're a tall drink of funny.
172
00:06:28,565 --> 00:06:30,466
But we're tired of
talking about ourselves.
173
00:06:30,533 --> 00:06:31,700
Yeah.
What do you guys do?
174
00:06:31,734 --> 00:06:33,335
Well, to be honest,
I'm a tow...
175
00:06:33,369 --> 00:06:34,769
Surgeon.
176
00:06:34,804 --> 00:06:37,539
He's a toe surgeon.
177
00:06:37,574 --> 00:06:39,174
Wow.
Impressive.
178
00:06:39,209 --> 00:06:41,577
And you?
What do you do?
179
00:06:41,611 --> 00:06:42,677
Same.
Toe surgery.
180
00:06:42,745 --> 00:06:44,279
We're the best in the business.
181
00:06:44,314 --> 00:06:46,248
Now, let's see what you
girls got wiggling.
182
00:06:48,585 --> 00:06:50,586
Can you work with that, doctor?
183
00:06:50,620 --> 00:06:52,488
I think I can.
184
00:06:52,522 --> 00:06:53,788
You guys are a lot of fun.
185
00:06:53,823 --> 00:06:54,889
Do you want to have dinner at Hal's?
186
00:06:54,957 --> 00:06:56,358
Hal's?
Yes.
187
00:06:56,426 --> 00:06:58,360
We've been meaning
to try that place.
188
00:06:58,428 --> 00:07:00,295
We just haven't had a second.
189
00:07:00,330 --> 00:07:02,431
We've been up to our neck in toes.
190
00:07:02,465 --> 00:07:03,832
Let's go.
191
00:07:05,735 --> 00:07:06,835
What is Hal's?
192
00:07:06,869 --> 00:07:08,170
I have no idea.
193
00:07:08,204 --> 00:07:09,404
Roy, what's Hal's?
194
00:07:09,439 --> 00:07:11,240
Hal's is a great
dive burger joint.
195
00:07:11,274 --> 00:07:13,942
It was rated one of the best
cheap burgers in Pittsburgh.
196
00:07:13,976 --> 00:07:16,178
Ladies, dinner's on us.
197
00:07:16,212 --> 00:07:17,446
Thank you.
198
00:07:17,480 --> 00:07:19,615
Hey, Roy, isn't
that new burger place
199
00:07:19,649 --> 00:07:21,283
called Al's, not Hal's?
200
00:07:21,317 --> 00:07:23,318
It is.
201
00:07:24,687 --> 00:07:27,856
Hal's is that expensive
restaurant downtown
202
00:07:27,890 --> 00:07:30,626
where a salad's like $48.
203
00:07:30,693 --> 00:07:34,296
Well, why did you tell them it
was a cheap burger place, Roy?
204
00:07:34,364 --> 00:07:37,266
Because Roy didn't get
a freaking suit.
205
00:07:39,335 --> 00:07:41,703
How do you think that
pretty redhead would do
206
00:07:41,737 --> 00:07:42,804
at turning letters?
207
00:07:42,838 --> 00:07:45,541
You're not happy with Vanna?
208
00:07:45,575 --> 00:07:46,808
Are you kidding me?
209
00:07:46,842 --> 00:07:48,977
She doesn't even
turn the letters anymore.
210
00:07:49,011 --> 00:07:51,580
All she does is touch them
and they light up.
211
00:07:51,614 --> 00:07:53,415
She doesn't even do the ding.
212
00:07:53,483 --> 00:07:55,484
- She doesn't even do the ding?!
- Yeah.
213
00:07:55,518 --> 00:07:57,186
What happened to this country?
214
00:07:57,220 --> 00:07:59,754
- There's no work ethic anymore.
- Totally agree.
215
00:07:59,789 --> 00:08:01,590
I give 110%
216
00:08:01,624 --> 00:08:03,958
eight days a year.
217
00:08:05,261 --> 00:08:06,695
I don't get it.
218
00:08:06,729 --> 00:08:08,530
Why won't he
go get checked out?
219
00:08:08,565 --> 00:08:10,499
People his age,
they just fight it.
220
00:08:10,533 --> 00:08:12,701
I think that someone's
got to convince him,
221
00:08:12,735 --> 00:08:14,670
and that person's
got to be you.
222
00:08:14,704 --> 00:08:16,938
- Why me? - You're the only person
in the bar Hank listens to.
223
00:08:17,006 --> 00:08:18,707
Hank doesn't listen to me.
224
00:08:18,741 --> 00:08:20,842
Yes, he does.
He respects you.
225
00:08:20,876 --> 00:08:22,911
You remember when
that lesbian couple came in?
226
00:08:22,945 --> 00:08:25,480
You're the one who got him
to stop referring to them as
227
00:08:25,515 --> 00:08:26,615
"those two shrub scouts."
228
00:08:32,422 --> 00:08:33,689
This is your table.
229
00:08:33,723 --> 00:08:35,290
This place is lovely.
230
00:08:35,325 --> 00:08:37,992
This is so extravagant
of you guys to treat us.
231
00:08:38,027 --> 00:08:39,628
Please.
It's nothing.
232
00:08:39,662 --> 00:08:42,531
Ladies, will you excuse
us for a minute?
233
00:08:42,565 --> 00:08:44,466
This is not a burger joint.
234
00:08:44,534 --> 00:08:47,536
I know. This has got to be the most
expensive restaurant in Pittsburgh.
235
00:08:47,570 --> 00:08:49,003
They serve swan.
236
00:08:49,038 --> 00:08:50,606
How much does swan cost?
237
00:08:50,640 --> 00:08:52,441
Oh, it's on special tonight...
238
00:08:52,475 --> 00:08:53,942
$125.
239
00:08:55,010 --> 00:08:56,945
Owen, we've got to
tell them the truth...
240
00:08:56,979 --> 00:08:58,513
who we really are.
241
00:08:58,581 --> 00:08:59,914
I'm a tow-truck driver.
Y-you're unemployed.
242
00:08:59,949 --> 00:09:01,750
No way.
Tonight's our night.
243
00:09:02,685 --> 00:09:04,052
We're in fancy suits.
244
00:09:04,086 --> 00:09:06,355
We're in a classy restaurant
with classy ladies.
245
00:09:06,422 --> 00:09:08,490
- This is our chance to be big time.
- How?
246
00:09:08,524 --> 00:09:11,360
I only have 80 bucks.
How much do you have? Okay!
247
00:09:11,394 --> 00:09:12,861
Together we have...
248
00:09:12,895 --> 00:09:14,429
80 bucks!
249
00:09:14,464 --> 00:09:16,531
- That's it. I'm telling them.
- No.
250
00:09:16,566 --> 00:09:18,700
- I have a plan.
- What plan?
251
00:09:18,735 --> 00:09:20,101
Trust me.
252
00:09:22,104 --> 00:09:24,306
Sorry, ladies.
Medical emergency.
253
00:09:24,340 --> 00:09:26,408
Ooh, your lives
must be so exciting.
254
00:09:26,476 --> 00:09:28,677
They are tonight.
255
00:09:28,711 --> 00:09:30,779
Ooh, the swan looks fantastic.
256
00:09:31,748 --> 00:09:34,115
I got a plan.
257
00:09:35,451 --> 00:09:36,385
Hank?
258
00:09:36,419 --> 00:09:38,019
I knew this was coming.
259
00:09:38,053 --> 00:09:40,889
Jack says you're having
a vision of Pat Sajak,
260
00:09:40,923 --> 00:09:43,992
and I was wondering
if you could ask him a question.
261
00:09:44,026 --> 00:09:45,860
Does he remember me?
262
00:09:45,895 --> 00:09:48,062
O'Hare airport, 2:00 A.M.,
263
00:09:48,097 --> 00:09:50,632
behind the TCBY yogurt stand?
264
00:09:50,667 --> 00:09:52,601
How could I forget?
265
00:09:52,635 --> 00:09:55,904
I found sprinkles on me for days.
266
00:09:55,938 --> 00:09:57,906
And can you ask him
if he remembers
267
00:09:57,940 --> 00:09:59,874
the Bay Point Inn
in lake Michigan?
268
00:09:59,909 --> 00:10:00,975
No.
269
00:10:01,010 --> 00:10:02,444
No, he doesn't remember that.
270
00:10:02,478 --> 00:10:03,878
Late April?
Round bed?
271
00:10:03,913 --> 00:10:05,980
We caused that electrical fire?
272
00:10:06,048 --> 00:10:08,850
Absolutely no memory of that.
273
00:10:08,884 --> 00:10:09,918
Oh, wait.
274
00:10:09,952 --> 00:10:13,087
Oh, that was Alex Trebek.
275
00:10:14,357 --> 00:10:15,457
Typical.
276
00:10:15,525 --> 00:10:18,694
He always got my leftovers.
277
00:10:18,728 --> 00:10:21,596
Well, thank God
if ever I start losing it,
278
00:10:21,631 --> 00:10:23,565
you'll be there
to take care of me.
279
00:10:23,599 --> 00:10:24,933
No way.
280
00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:28,537
When you start to go,
it's history, baby...
281
00:10:28,571 --> 00:10:30,872
Aloha on the steel guitar.
282
00:10:30,906 --> 00:10:32,907
You're going to a home,
283
00:10:32,942 --> 00:10:35,410
and one of the cheap ones.
284
00:10:35,445 --> 00:10:38,747
No trips to the zoo.
No magic shows.
285
00:10:38,781 --> 00:10:42,116
Just a bed with rails.
286
00:10:42,151 --> 00:10:43,785
You're not fooling anyone.
287
00:10:43,820 --> 00:10:46,054
You'll stay with me
to the bitter end,
288
00:10:46,088 --> 00:10:47,356
and you know why?
289
00:10:47,423 --> 00:10:48,590
Because you love me.
290
00:10:49,859 --> 00:10:51,893
Don't be disgusting.
291
00:10:51,961 --> 00:10:53,495
You know, most guys,
292
00:10:53,529 --> 00:10:55,897
when they want to bug their wives,
293
00:10:55,931 --> 00:10:57,466
they drink,
294
00:10:57,500 --> 00:10:58,933
they stay out late,
they go to strip clubs.
295
00:10:58,968 --> 00:11:00,736
I want to get under
your mother's skin?
296
00:11:00,770 --> 00:11:02,070
I just tell her I love her.
297
00:11:02,104 --> 00:11:04,406
I love you, honey!
298
00:11:04,440 --> 00:11:07,542
I hope you die soon.
299
00:11:07,577 --> 00:11:09,544
Can I get a beer, Steve?
300
00:11:09,579 --> 00:11:10,746
Sure, Hank.
301
00:11:10,780 --> 00:11:12,146
Just one,
or one with two straws?
302
00:11:12,214 --> 00:11:13,515
Very funny.
303
00:11:13,549 --> 00:11:14,783
Sorry, Hank.
304
00:11:14,817 --> 00:11:17,486
It's, uh... it's just,
you're scaring us.
305
00:11:17,520 --> 00:11:20,054
Hey, my brain is 100% intact.
306
00:11:20,089 --> 00:11:21,757
I think 100% is a stretch.
307
00:11:21,791 --> 00:11:23,024
Mind your own business.
308
00:11:23,058 --> 00:11:23,925
We will, Hank.
309
00:11:23,959 --> 00:11:25,026
- Not you.
- He means me.
310
00:11:25,060 --> 00:11:26,094
I think he means me.
311
00:11:26,128 --> 00:11:27,161
I mean all three of you.
312
00:11:27,196 --> 00:11:28,463
What did I do?
313
00:11:30,132 --> 00:11:32,434
That dessert was so delicious.
314
00:11:32,468 --> 00:11:33,802
And, you know,
315
00:11:33,836 --> 00:11:36,004
they flew that chocolate in
from Belgium yesterday.
316
00:11:36,038 --> 00:11:37,672
You know what?
You could tell.
317
00:11:37,740 --> 00:11:39,140
You sure can.
318
00:11:39,208 --> 00:11:41,810
That's one of the things
I love about fine dining...
319
00:11:41,844 --> 00:11:43,612
It's the care
that's taken with the meal,
320
00:11:43,646 --> 00:11:44,846
from the seasonal ingredients
321
00:11:44,881 --> 00:11:47,816
to the presentation,
to service,
322
00:11:47,850 --> 00:11:49,518
to the way the personality
323
00:11:49,585 --> 00:11:51,453
and the point of view
of the chef
324
00:11:51,487 --> 00:11:52,954
is reflected in every dish.
325
00:11:52,988 --> 00:11:54,556
It truly is an art form.
326
00:11:54,590 --> 00:11:56,090
So true, Owen.
327
00:11:56,158 --> 00:11:58,593
If you'll excuse me, I'm gonna
run to the ladies' room.
328
00:11:58,628 --> 00:11:59,494
Ooh, I'll join you.
329
00:12:00,996 --> 00:12:03,832
Dude, I just peed myself.
330
00:12:03,866 --> 00:12:05,667
How bad it is it?
331
00:12:05,701 --> 00:12:08,102
About the size of a quarter.
332
00:12:08,170 --> 00:12:09,871
Not that, the bill.
333
00:12:09,906 --> 00:12:11,840
Holy crap!
We are so screwed!
334
00:12:11,874 --> 00:12:12,941
No, we're not.
335
00:12:12,975 --> 00:12:14,676
I told you, I have a plan.
336
00:12:14,710 --> 00:12:17,746
Now, maybe most of the time
you're a tow-truck driver
337
00:12:17,780 --> 00:12:19,848
and I'm an unemployed dumb ass.
338
00:12:19,882 --> 00:12:21,182
But we just had dinner
339
00:12:21,216 --> 00:12:23,985
in the most expensive restaurant
in Pittsburgh,
340
00:12:24,053 --> 00:12:25,219
and we fit right in.
341
00:12:25,254 --> 00:12:28,723
Tonight,
you and I are gentlemen.
342
00:12:28,791 --> 00:12:31,560
Tonight, you and I have class.
343
00:12:31,594 --> 00:12:33,829
So what's your plan?
344
00:12:33,896 --> 00:12:35,730
We steal their credit cards.
345
00:12:35,765 --> 00:12:37,766
This is wrong.
346
00:12:37,800 --> 00:12:39,634
Although that is encouraging.
347
00:12:50,374 --> 00:12:53,609
Okay, we've got to set
some boundaries.
348
00:12:53,677 --> 00:12:56,045
Well, how do you think I feel?
349
00:12:56,080 --> 00:12:57,914
I like a little privacy,
350
00:12:57,948 --> 00:13:02,318
but instead, I've got Pat Sajak
in a toilet stall with me.
351
00:13:02,353 --> 00:13:03,519
Hank?
352
00:13:03,553 --> 00:13:05,588
Yeah. Steve?
353
00:13:05,622 --> 00:13:06,689
What's going on in there?
354
00:13:06,723 --> 00:13:09,658
Ask him.
He isn't going away.
355
00:13:09,726 --> 00:13:11,361
I think I'm losing my mind.
356
00:13:11,395 --> 00:13:13,396
Why don't we go
to the hospital?
357
00:13:13,430 --> 00:13:14,663
- I can't.
- Why?
358
00:13:14,698 --> 00:13:15,932
Because they're
gonna find something.
359
00:13:15,966 --> 00:13:17,466
That's what they do
at hospitals.
360
00:13:17,501 --> 00:13:19,035
And before you know it,
361
00:13:19,069 --> 00:13:22,338
you're in a home eating jell-o,
and they pull the plug.
362
00:13:22,373 --> 00:13:24,107
That's not gonna happen, Hank.
363
00:13:24,141 --> 00:13:25,508
I'm afraid, okay?
364
00:13:25,575 --> 00:13:26,742
There's no way
you can understand that.
365
00:13:26,777 --> 00:13:28,378
You're too young.
366
00:13:28,412 --> 00:13:30,546
I'll be here for you.
Look, we're all here for you.
367
00:13:30,580 --> 00:13:31,881
I'm certainly here for you.
368
00:13:31,949 --> 00:13:34,017
Actually, I've been here
for six hours.
369
00:13:34,051 --> 00:13:35,718
I've missed two hair cuts.
370
00:13:37,087 --> 00:13:39,088
And no matter
what the doctor says,
371
00:13:39,123 --> 00:13:41,657
it's better to know
so you can deal with it.
372
00:13:41,691 --> 00:13:42,992
All right.
373
00:13:43,060 --> 00:13:44,928
Let's do this.
374
00:13:46,830 --> 00:13:48,064
You coming?
375
00:13:48,098 --> 00:13:50,133
I think this Steve guy's
got it covered.
376
00:13:50,200 --> 00:13:52,868
Hospitals aren't my thing...
Too many sick people.
377
00:13:52,937 --> 00:13:54,070
Yeah.
378
00:13:54,104 --> 00:13:56,105
But a lot of them
love the wheel,
379
00:13:56,140 --> 00:13:57,506
so, uh, wait up.
380
00:13:58,775 --> 00:13:59,875
What's taking so long?
381
00:13:59,910 --> 00:14:01,577
Where the hell are her cards?
382
00:14:01,611 --> 00:14:03,746
Hand me Lacey's purse.
She looked richer.
383
00:14:03,780 --> 00:14:05,448
They're coming.
Stall them.
384
00:14:05,515 --> 00:14:07,150
No, Owen. It's over.
385
00:14:07,184 --> 00:14:08,418
Hey.
386
00:14:08,452 --> 00:14:10,086
Missed you.
387
00:14:10,120 --> 00:14:12,121
Thank you so much for dinner,
you guys.
388
00:14:12,156 --> 00:14:13,589
This was great.
389
00:14:13,623 --> 00:14:15,058
Ladies, this is
incredibly embarrassing.
390
00:14:15,092 --> 00:14:16,426
No, it isn't.
391
00:14:16,460 --> 00:14:17,460
Yes, it is.
392
00:14:17,527 --> 00:14:18,428
Don't do this, Ahmed.
393
00:14:18,462 --> 00:14:19,829
Owen, it's over.
394
00:14:19,896 --> 00:14:22,832
Girls, we don't have the money
to pay for this dinner.
395
00:14:22,866 --> 00:14:25,734
I'm a tow-truck driver.
Owen's unemployed.
396
00:14:25,769 --> 00:14:28,404
In my defense,
I live with my mother,
397
00:14:28,472 --> 00:14:29,939
so rent's not an issue.
398
00:14:31,608 --> 00:14:33,809
I just made it worse, didn't I?
399
00:14:33,844 --> 00:14:35,644
You've been lying to us
the whole time?
400
00:14:35,679 --> 00:14:37,046
We're really sorry.
401
00:14:37,081 --> 00:14:38,781
What's next?
You're gonna ask us to pay?
402
00:14:38,849 --> 00:14:40,716
Could you?
403
00:14:40,750 --> 00:14:42,518
Because we couldn't find
your credit cards.
404
00:14:42,552 --> 00:14:43,786
You went through my purse?
405
00:14:43,820 --> 00:14:44,787
You guys are assholes.
406
00:14:45,990 --> 00:14:47,490
Whoa!
Take it easy.
407
00:14:47,524 --> 00:14:48,424
Take it easy?!
408
00:14:48,459 --> 00:14:49,692
Take this easy!
409
00:14:51,495 --> 00:14:52,595
Security!
410
00:14:52,629 --> 00:14:54,830
Hey! Aah!
411
00:14:54,898 --> 00:14:56,966
Hey!
Get your hands off of me!
412
00:14:58,568 --> 00:15:00,069
Are you guys insane?
413
00:15:00,104 --> 00:15:04,073
Now, that's how you get out
of paying a dinner bill.
414
00:15:04,108 --> 00:15:05,708
That whole fight was a fake?
415
00:15:05,742 --> 00:15:07,710
Yeah. We don't have
any money, either.
416
00:15:07,744 --> 00:15:09,745
But you're a big-time lawyer,
and you own an art gallery.
417
00:15:09,779 --> 00:15:12,215
Actually, we sell kettle corn
at the swap meet.
418
00:15:12,249 --> 00:15:14,517
Wow.
419
00:15:14,584 --> 00:15:16,819
We love that you guys
came clean.
420
00:15:16,853 --> 00:15:19,055
We love that you guys
have condoms.
421
00:15:21,025 --> 00:15:23,993
Well, uh, we know how to get
a free room at the four seasons.
422
00:15:24,061 --> 00:15:26,862
Yeah, one of us just has to fake
a seizure in the lobby.
423
00:15:26,897 --> 00:15:28,097
All over it.
424
00:15:29,799 --> 00:15:31,734
That gets me going.
425
00:15:31,768 --> 00:15:32,835
Let's go.
426
00:15:32,869 --> 00:15:33,903
Wait a minute.
427
00:15:33,937 --> 00:15:35,804
We just stole
an expensive dinner.
428
00:15:35,839 --> 00:15:38,174
Now we're about to steal
an expensive hotel room?
429
00:15:38,208 --> 00:15:39,275
Don't do this, Ahmed.
430
00:15:39,309 --> 00:15:40,676
We may not be rich guys,
431
00:15:40,710 --> 00:15:42,578
but that doesn't
make us thieves.
432
00:15:42,612 --> 00:15:44,147
Now, I've got 80 bucks
in my pocket
433
00:15:44,181 --> 00:15:46,015
and some towing services
I could offer,
434
00:15:46,050 --> 00:15:47,683
but I'm going
into that restaurant
435
00:15:47,717 --> 00:15:49,652
and make this right.
436
00:15:52,022 --> 00:15:53,722
I hate when he does that.
437
00:15:53,790 --> 00:15:55,491
I think his attitude's
kind of hot.
438
00:15:55,526 --> 00:15:57,293
Ahmed, wait up.
We got to make this right.
439
00:15:59,629 --> 00:16:02,798
Well, look who's
dementia-free.
440
00:16:05,102 --> 00:16:08,771
So, you got
a clean bill of health.
441
00:16:08,805 --> 00:16:10,273
Well, the doctor did mention
442
00:16:10,307 --> 00:16:12,808
my high blood pressure,
low-functioning kidneys,
443
00:16:12,842 --> 00:16:14,077
and numbness in my leg.
444
00:16:14,111 --> 00:16:17,547
Vitamin deficiency,
weakened arterial walls,
445
00:16:17,581 --> 00:16:21,050
nipple sensitivity,
and fever of unknown origin.
446
00:16:21,085 --> 00:16:24,053
Other than that,
I'm triathlon-ready.
447
00:16:24,088 --> 00:16:26,622
To a healthy Hank.
448
00:16:26,656 --> 00:16:27,690
To a healthy Hank!
449
00:16:27,724 --> 00:16:29,024
To a healthy Hank.
450
00:16:29,059 --> 00:16:30,826
Damn it!
He's back!
451
00:16:30,860 --> 00:16:32,895
Why are you doing this to me?
452
00:16:32,929 --> 00:16:34,130
Doing this you?
453
00:16:34,164 --> 00:16:36,299
I'm the one
stuck in Pittsburgh.
454
00:16:36,333 --> 00:16:38,767
I'm getting less tan
every second.
455
00:16:38,835 --> 00:16:41,971
Maybe I am going crazy.
Steve, what am I gonna do?
456
00:16:42,005 --> 00:16:43,072
Well, calm down.
457
00:16:43,107 --> 00:16:44,940
We know it's not medical,
right?
458
00:16:45,008 --> 00:16:47,310
Right. Hank, those tests
are very reliable.
459
00:16:47,377 --> 00:16:49,878
- So it's got to be something
psychological. - Exactly.
460
00:16:49,946 --> 00:16:52,215
It's all about associations.
461
00:16:52,249 --> 00:16:55,784
For instance,
my relationship with Pat Sajak
462
00:16:55,819 --> 00:16:58,954
at O'Hare airport
at the TCBY yogurt stand
463
00:16:58,989 --> 00:17:02,758
was a very brief,
passion-filled moment in time.
464
00:17:02,792 --> 00:17:06,962
It was perhaps the greatest
sexual experience of my life.
465
00:17:06,997 --> 00:17:10,733
Oh, yeah.
Daddy gets it done.
466
00:17:10,767 --> 00:17:13,669
All right,
let's figure this out.
467
00:17:13,703 --> 00:17:15,338
Hank, what is your association
468
00:17:15,372 --> 00:17:17,706
with Pat Sajak
and "Wheel of Fortune"?
469
00:17:17,741 --> 00:17:18,974
Well, I don't know.
470
00:17:19,009 --> 00:17:20,276
I guess I started
watching the show
471
00:17:20,310 --> 00:17:21,577
when my kids were little.
472
00:17:21,612 --> 00:17:23,679
I'd come home from work
473
00:17:23,713 --> 00:17:25,681
and we'd all sit down and watch
"Wheel" together. Wait a minute.
474
00:17:25,715 --> 00:17:27,983
Your son invited you to your
granddaughter's quinceañera.
475
00:17:28,051 --> 00:17:29,885
Maybe that's why
you're seeing pat sajak.
476
00:17:29,919 --> 00:17:31,687
I like where this is going.
477
00:17:31,721 --> 00:17:33,088
Maybe it's your conscience
telling you to go,
478
00:17:33,157 --> 00:17:34,790
to reach out to your son,
479
00:17:34,824 --> 00:17:37,193
to let him know you're okay
with who he married.
480
00:17:37,227 --> 00:17:38,127
Huh.
481
00:17:38,162 --> 00:17:39,928
What do you think, Pat?
482
00:17:39,963 --> 00:17:40,896
Pat?
483
00:17:40,930 --> 00:17:42,731
Pat's gone!
484
00:17:42,799 --> 00:17:44,833
I think that's your answer.
485
00:17:44,868 --> 00:17:47,069
So, do I have to apologize now?
486
00:17:47,103 --> 00:17:48,737
That's how it goes, Hank.
487
00:17:48,772 --> 00:17:51,974
You apologize, he apologizes,
and it all gets better.
488
00:17:52,008 --> 00:17:53,409
You're right.
489
00:17:53,443 --> 00:17:55,678
I'm not the same guy I was
all those years ago.
490
00:17:55,745 --> 00:17:58,181
I'm more tolerant
and accepting.
491
00:17:58,215 --> 00:17:59,782
Yes, Hank, you are.
492
00:17:59,816 --> 00:18:02,051
- Go.
- All right. I'm going.
493
00:18:02,085 --> 00:18:06,622
So, what do I buy a 15-year-old
Mexican girl for her birthday?
494
00:18:06,690 --> 00:18:07,956
A stroller?
495
00:18:13,363 --> 00:18:15,665
Well, that was
a big waste of time.
496
00:18:15,699 --> 00:18:16,932
What happened?
497
00:18:16,966 --> 00:18:17,766
Wasn't your family
happy to see you?
498
00:18:17,834 --> 00:18:19,335
No. It was just awkward.
499
00:18:19,369 --> 00:18:20,969
"Hello. How are you?"
500
00:18:21,004 --> 00:18:22,871
"Oh, you've gotten so big."
501
00:18:22,939 --> 00:18:26,008
Well, I probably shouldn't
have said that to my son's wife.
502
00:18:27,211 --> 00:18:28,944
Still, it was good
that you went.
503
00:18:28,978 --> 00:18:31,046
I don't think they cared
that I showed up.
504
00:18:31,114 --> 00:18:33,849
I just put a check on the pile
of presents and left.
505
00:18:33,883 --> 00:18:35,884
Well, doesn't sound like
you got your apology.
506
00:18:35,919 --> 00:18:37,220
I never had a moment.
507
00:18:37,254 --> 00:18:39,755
Well, it was a start.
You made a gesture.
508
00:18:39,789 --> 00:18:41,023
I'm sure they noticed.
509
00:18:41,057 --> 00:18:43,326
I don't think it did
any good at all.
510
00:18:43,360 --> 00:18:45,060
Hank, it's a hell of
a lot better
511
00:18:45,095 --> 00:18:46,429
than keeping it all inside.
512
00:18:46,463 --> 00:18:48,831
There a lot of parents
who never take the time
513
00:18:48,865 --> 00:18:50,700
to tell their kids
how much they care,
514
00:18:50,734 --> 00:18:51,834
how much they love them.
515
00:18:51,901 --> 00:18:53,302
And then one day they find out
516
00:18:53,370 --> 00:18:55,104
it's too late.
517
00:18:56,206 --> 00:18:59,041
On the other hand,
there are a lot of parents
518
00:18:59,075 --> 00:19:01,410
who tell their kids
how much they care
519
00:19:01,445 --> 00:19:03,379
and how much they love them,
520
00:19:03,413 --> 00:19:06,315
and in the end,
it's too late to take it back.
521
00:19:07,951 --> 00:19:11,220
Is Hank Murphy here?
522
00:19:11,255 --> 00:19:12,087
Uh, yes.
Yes, he is.
523
00:19:12,155 --> 00:19:13,356
Uh, hey, Hank.
524
00:19:13,423 --> 00:19:15,124
I think you have
some visitors here.
525
00:19:15,158 --> 00:19:16,892
Oh, hi.
526
00:19:16,926 --> 00:19:18,026
Hey, dad.
527
00:19:18,061 --> 00:19:20,296
Why'd you leave so fast,
grandpa?
528
00:19:20,364 --> 00:19:23,031
Oh, well, you know,
I didn't want to be in the way.
529
00:19:23,099 --> 00:19:24,467
You weren't in the way.
530
00:19:24,534 --> 00:19:27,303
In fact, you left before
I could say thanks for coming.
531
00:19:27,337 --> 00:19:30,239
Oh, well,
thanks for inviting me.
532
00:19:30,274 --> 00:19:32,475
That's a very pretty dress.
533
00:19:32,509 --> 00:19:34,244
Why don't you guys have a seat?
534
00:19:34,278 --> 00:19:36,078
- Can I get you something?
- Yeah, you want a beer?
535
00:19:36,079 --> 00:19:37,012
Not you.
536
00:19:37,046 --> 00:19:38,814
Sure.
537
00:19:38,848 --> 00:19:40,283
Coming right up.
538
00:19:40,317 --> 00:19:42,251
Hey, Hank, don't you have
something to say to your son?
539
00:19:42,286 --> 00:19:44,287
Seems like the, uh...
the perfect moment.
540
00:19:44,321 --> 00:19:46,054
Oh, yeah.
Well, uh...
541
00:19:46,089 --> 00:19:48,257
It's about all those years ago.
542
00:19:48,292 --> 00:19:50,459
You know,
the wedding and stuff.
543
00:19:50,494 --> 00:19:52,495
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
That whole thing.
544
00:19:52,529 --> 00:19:54,797
Sorry about all that.
545
00:19:54,831 --> 00:19:57,032
Yeah. Me too.
546
00:19:57,066 --> 00:19:58,934
Hey, dad.
Look what's on.
547
00:19:59,002 --> 00:20:01,370
Hey, it's "Wheel."
548
00:20:01,405 --> 00:20:03,238
Remember, uh,
we used to watch that?
549
00:20:03,273 --> 00:20:04,340
Sure do.
550
00:20:04,374 --> 00:20:05,808
Hey, Steve.
Turn it up.
551
00:20:06,843 --> 00:20:10,012
You know,
Pat is a personal friend.
552
00:20:17,551 --> 00:20:19,219
Oh, my God.
I'm back here again?
553
00:20:19,253 --> 00:20:21,521
What do you want,
game-show boy?
554
00:20:23,156 --> 00:20:25,291
I-I guess I'm known
in Pittsburgh
555
00:20:25,325 --> 00:20:27,661
for helping people resolve
issues with their children.
556
00:20:27,795 --> 00:20:29,597
Keep moving.
Nothing here.
557
00:20:29,731 --> 00:20:31,231
Really?
558
00:20:31,866 --> 00:20:33,233
Have you told your son
you're proud of him
559
00:20:33,301 --> 00:20:35,335
for quitting law
to be a bartender?
560
00:20:35,370 --> 00:20:36,469
No.
561
00:20:36,504 --> 00:20:37,537
Well, don't you think
you should?
562
00:20:37,571 --> 00:20:39,506
No.
563
00:20:39,540 --> 00:20:41,508
Have you told your daughter
you love her?
564
00:20:41,542 --> 00:20:43,977
God, no!
565
00:20:44,045 --> 00:20:45,379
Well, look.
566
00:20:45,413 --> 00:20:47,948
Clearly someone here
needs to get something from me.
567
00:20:47,982 --> 00:20:49,182
If not you, then who?
568
00:20:54,488 --> 00:20:56,924
Hi, Pat.
569
00:20:56,991 --> 00:21:00,793
Daddy's back.
570
00:21:00,994 --> 00:21:04,594
sync and corrections by bellows
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