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1
00:00:03,012 --> 00:00:05,680
Oh, check it out, guys,
the new jerseys are in.
2
00:00:05,715 --> 00:00:08,316
That is a perfect fit for you, Steve.
3
00:00:08,384 --> 00:00:10,318
That is a great look...
4
00:00:10,386 --> 00:00:13,722
Tight around the guns, exposed midriff.
5
00:00:13,756 --> 00:00:14,990
Rowr!
6
00:00:15,024 --> 00:00:18,059
Carol, I'm coaching
peewee hockey this year.
7
00:00:18,094 --> 00:00:20,462
These are for 8-year-old boys.
8
00:00:20,496 --> 00:00:24,132
Well, 8-year-old boys have
abs, and this gal's got eyes.
9
00:00:25,401 --> 00:00:28,003
I think your dad's making these stronger.
10
00:00:28,070 --> 00:00:29,571
Hey, you got the jerseys!
11
00:00:29,605 --> 00:00:30,705
Yeah, yeah.
12
00:00:30,740 --> 00:00:31,906
Hey, you sure you don't want to coach?
13
00:00:31,941 --> 00:00:33,408
You've done it all these years.
14
00:00:33,442 --> 00:00:36,444
Nah, kid. Your bar, your team, your turn.
15
00:00:36,479 --> 00:00:38,847
The Sullivan & Sson
Bombers are all yours now.
16
00:00:38,881 --> 00:00:41,616
Oh, you kids were so cute when you played.
17
00:00:41,650 --> 00:00:44,352
You'd skate around, bump into each other,
18
00:00:44,387 --> 00:00:47,389
fall down, your little
bottoms dusted with ice.
19
00:00:47,423 --> 00:00:49,057
It was so adorable.
20
00:00:50,760 --> 00:00:54,362
On the other hand, you guys
really sucked out there.
21
00:00:54,397 --> 00:00:55,663
No, we didn't.
22
00:00:55,698 --> 00:00:58,433
Oh, please, you guys were 0-and-forever.
23
00:00:59,835 --> 00:01:02,604
Hey, we won a game against
the team from Carnegie.
24
00:01:02,638 --> 00:01:03,972
That was a forfeit.
25
00:01:04,006 --> 00:01:05,807
They got in a bus crash.
26
00:01:05,841 --> 00:01:08,543
It was a horrible, horrible tragedy!
27
00:01:08,577 --> 00:01:10,145
Hey, my philosophy was,
28
00:01:10,179 --> 00:01:12,814
"more important an
winning, every kid plays."
29
00:01:12,882 --> 00:01:15,917
That was the problem with
your team when you were kids...
30
00:01:15,985 --> 00:01:17,452
Every one of you played,
31
00:01:17,486 --> 00:01:19,854
even the black guy and the arab here.
32
00:01:19,889 --> 00:01:23,158
Let's be honest, these guys
shouldn't be on the ice.
33
00:01:23,192 --> 00:01:24,959
They're built for heat.
34
00:01:26,829 --> 00:01:28,630
Hey, I was born here.
35
00:01:28,664 --> 00:01:31,966
Hey, no disrespect, it's
just not in your blood.
36
00:01:32,034 --> 00:01:35,537
What's in your blood is sand and haggling.
37
00:01:35,571 --> 00:01:38,139
I was proud to be the first
black kid in this neighborhood
38
00:01:38,207 --> 00:01:39,507
to play peewee hockey.
39
00:01:39,542 --> 00:01:40,642
It was groundbreaking.
40
00:01:40,676 --> 00:01:43,945
I was Jackie Robinson on ice.
41
00:01:43,979 --> 00:01:46,047
Roy, your people shouldn't
be playing hockey.
42
00:01:46,082 --> 00:01:48,183
If the ice melts, we
all know you can't swim.
43
00:02:07,937 --> 00:02:13,575
- synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
44
00:02:14,710 --> 00:02:16,211
I told you you'd be tired.
45
00:02:16,245 --> 00:02:18,079
Your father was up all night
46
00:02:18,147 --> 00:02:21,783
watching a "T.J. Hooker" marathon.
47
00:02:21,817 --> 00:02:23,918
Dad, I thought you didn't like cop shows.
48
00:02:23,986 --> 00:02:27,021
Two words... Heather Locklear.
49
00:02:27,089 --> 00:02:29,457
I started with her on "Hooker,"
50
00:02:29,492 --> 00:02:32,894
stuck with her through that
crazy shit on "Melrose"...
51
00:02:32,928 --> 00:02:35,463
laughed with her on "Spin City,"
52
00:02:35,498 --> 00:02:39,000
and now she's killing
it on "Franklin & Bash."
53
00:02:39,034 --> 00:02:42,637
Heather Locklear is
your father's free pass.
54
00:02:42,671 --> 00:02:44,706
I guess we had a version
of that back in the 1970s
55
00:02:44,773 --> 00:02:46,107
when I was married.
56
00:02:46,142 --> 00:02:48,209
We called it a key party.
57
00:02:48,244 --> 00:02:50,578
All the couples go to a party,
58
00:02:50,613 --> 00:02:52,614
and the men put their car keys in a bowl.
59
00:02:52,648 --> 00:02:54,716
And the gals pick a key
and whoever they got,
60
00:02:54,783 --> 00:02:56,117
that's who they go home with.
61
00:02:56,152 --> 00:02:58,119
Yeah, it sounds like fun
62
00:02:58,154 --> 00:02:59,954
until you notice that your wife
63
00:02:59,989 --> 00:03:01,956
keeps accidentally picking the keys
64
00:03:01,991 --> 00:03:04,626
of the only colored
guy in the neighborhood.
65
00:03:06,262 --> 00:03:10,632
"Oh, my God, I can't
believe I did it again!"
66
00:03:10,666 --> 00:03:14,669
"Come on, it's a velour key chain, Helen!"
67
00:03:14,703 --> 00:03:18,139
Mom, please don't tell
me you have a free pass.
68
00:03:18,174 --> 00:03:22,110
Not anymore. Kim Jong Il is dead.
69
00:03:22,144 --> 00:03:23,745
All right, great practice, guys.
70
00:03:23,779 --> 00:03:25,113
Quick to the puck, good hustle.
71
00:03:25,147 --> 00:03:26,181
Now, have a seat.
72
00:03:26,215 --> 00:03:27,615
Let's do a little chalk talk.
73
00:03:27,650 --> 00:03:28,950
Yeah, chalk talk! Seat time!
74
00:03:29,018 --> 00:03:30,685
Come on!
75
00:03:30,719 --> 00:03:32,153
Um, coach, my mother said
76
00:03:32,188 --> 00:03:34,789
that there would be doughnuts
after every rehearsal.
77
00:03:34,857 --> 00:03:36,157
It's called practice, Howie.
78
00:03:36,192 --> 00:03:38,927
I'm just saying, that
was a lot of exercise,
79
00:03:38,961 --> 00:03:41,729
and I really could use a little something.
80
00:03:41,797 --> 00:03:44,599
Sit down, Howie.
81
00:03:44,808 --> 00:03:47,877
Hey, coach, how's the
team looking this year?
82
00:03:47,945 --> 00:03:49,278
Oh, we've got a great bunch of kids.
83
00:03:49,313 --> 00:03:50,713
Lots of spirit, good attitude.
84
00:03:50,748 --> 00:03:52,148
We're gonna have a great season.
85
00:03:52,182 --> 00:03:54,183
I don't see a lot of
indigenous ice skaters there,
86
00:03:54,218 --> 00:03:55,651
if you get my drift.
87
00:03:55,686 --> 00:03:58,254
Well, uh, we could use a Canadian or two,
88
00:03:58,288 --> 00:04:01,657
but Quan, that little
Vietnamese kid, he's quick.
89
00:04:01,692 --> 00:04:03,793
Oh, yeah, they can run when they have to.
90
00:04:06,830 --> 00:04:10,299
Hey, coach, I need your team roster.
91
00:04:10,367 --> 00:04:12,001
I'm just filling that out now, Lyle.
92
00:04:12,035 --> 00:04:14,003
Listen, I'm running the
entire peewee hockey league,
93
00:04:14,037 --> 00:04:16,239
so if you don't mind, I prefer
you call me commissioner,
94
00:04:16,273 --> 00:04:20,042
or "commish" if you like an
easy-bantering relationship.
95
00:04:20,077 --> 00:04:21,244
I don't.
96
00:04:21,311 --> 00:04:22,879
Okay.
97
00:04:22,946 --> 00:04:25,415
Hey, uh, wait a minute,
you you didn't cut anyone.
98
00:04:25,449 --> 00:04:27,350
That's right... any
kid in this neighborhood
99
00:04:27,384 --> 00:04:29,318
who wants to play hockey
gets to on this team.
100
00:04:29,353 --> 00:04:32,822
Oh, so the Sullivan & Son
loser tradition lives on, huh?
101
00:04:32,856 --> 00:04:36,392
No, it's a winning tradition
of playing to have fun
102
00:04:36,460 --> 00:04:38,161
and giving it your all.
103
00:04:38,228 --> 00:04:39,896
My God, d... do you listen yourself?
104
00:04:40,964 --> 00:04:42,999
Oh, hey, fellas.
105
00:04:43,033 --> 00:04:45,768
Hey, Lyle.
106
00:04:45,803 --> 00:04:49,038
Wow, you got the entire mount
rushmore of loserdom here, huh?
107
00:04:49,072 --> 00:04:51,841
I can't remember... when we were kids,
108
00:04:51,909 --> 00:04:54,143
did you guys ever win a game?
109
00:04:54,178 --> 00:04:56,145
Yeah, we... we chalked one up.
110
00:04:56,180 --> 00:04:57,980
You don't mean that game, do you?
111
00:04:58,015 --> 00:05:02,151
Y... you know there's a
memorial plaque by the highway.
112
00:05:03,821 --> 00:05:05,087
Oh, hey, one more thing.
113
00:05:05,122 --> 00:05:06,689
I almost forgot.
114
00:05:06,623 --> 00:05:08,591
This year, we decided to
get rid of the pussy rule.
115
00:05:08,625 --> 00:05:09,859
The what?
116
00:05:09,893 --> 00:05:10,960
You know, when a team's six goals ahead
117
00:05:10,994 --> 00:05:12,261
and we stop keeping score
118
00:05:12,296 --> 00:05:14,997
so the pussies who are losing stop crying.
119
00:05:15,032 --> 00:05:16,833
You know, the pussy rule.
120
00:05:16,867 --> 00:05:18,835
I believe that's called the mercy rule.
121
00:05:18,869 --> 00:05:20,837
Of course you'd know what it was called.
122
00:05:22,639 --> 00:05:24,674
It was invented because
you guys lost so bad
123
00:05:24,708 --> 00:05:26,342
that one time when we were kids.
124
00:05:26,377 --> 00:05:28,077
Whose team were you playing?
125
00:05:28,112 --> 00:05:29,779
I can't re... Oh, yeah, mine.
126
00:05:31,248 --> 00:05:33,082
Do you remember what the score was?
127
00:05:33,117 --> 00:05:34,350
It was 6-0.
128
00:05:34,385 --> 00:05:36,886
No, pussy! It was 36-0!
129
00:05:39,790 --> 00:05:42,125
Yeah, but officially in
the books, it was 6-0.
130
00:05:42,159 --> 00:05:44,227
That's only because you
guys whined and cried
131
00:05:44,261 --> 00:05:46,596
and moaned so bad,
everybody felt sorry for you,
132
00:05:46,630 --> 00:05:48,998
so they invented a rule so
you losers would feel better.
133
00:05:49,066 --> 00:05:51,734
Do you guys know you
started an entire movement?
134
00:05:51,802 --> 00:05:54,604
Every kids' league in
America has that rule now.
135
00:05:54,638 --> 00:05:58,708
You guys helped pussify an entire country.
136
00:05:58,742 --> 00:06:00,243
Lyle, that was ages ago.
137
00:06:00,277 --> 00:06:01,844
Nobody even remembers it.
138
00:06:01,879 --> 00:06:04,046
I dream about it every night.
139
00:06:04,081 --> 00:06:07,016
I play that game over
and over again in my head.
140
00:06:07,050 --> 00:06:10,286
That's why I haven't been able to love.
141
00:06:10,320 --> 00:06:11,921
Check the schedule, Sullivan.
142
00:06:11,955 --> 00:06:14,157
In two weeks, our teams
are playing each other.
143
00:06:14,224 --> 00:06:16,259
And without that rule there to protect you,
144
00:06:16,293 --> 00:06:21,130
the whole world is gonna know
how badly we kick your ass.
145
00:06:21,165 --> 00:06:22,131
Look, I don't care about our history.
146
00:06:22,166 --> 00:06:23,633
I care about the kids.
147
00:06:23,700 --> 00:06:25,768
And I'm gonna teach them teamwork, skills,
148
00:06:25,803 --> 00:06:26,836
and to have fun.
149
00:06:26,870 --> 00:06:28,471
Where do you get this crap?
150
00:06:30,174 --> 00:06:32,308
The point of coaching children at any age
151
00:06:32,342 --> 00:06:34,844
is to teach them that
winning is everything,
152
00:06:34,878 --> 00:06:36,012
losing is unacceptable,
153
00:06:36,079 --> 00:06:38,014
and the sweetest sound they can hear
154
00:06:38,081 --> 00:06:39,982
is their opponents crying for mercy
155
00:06:40,017 --> 00:06:44,320
as their tiny 8-year-old
spirits are breaking.
156
00:06:47,090 --> 00:06:48,724
Oh, my God.
157
00:06:48,759 --> 00:06:51,694
I think I found him.
158
00:06:52,963 --> 00:06:54,063
Found who?
159
00:06:54,131 --> 00:06:55,698
My free pass!
160
00:06:57,334 --> 00:07:01,304
That is one beautiful piece of nasty.
161
00:07:07,900 --> 00:07:09,101
Excuse me!
162
00:07:09,135 --> 00:07:11,069
Oh, come on, Jack.
163
00:07:11,104 --> 00:07:13,071
It's been two days.
164
00:07:13,106 --> 00:07:16,041
Are you still upset about
my free pass with Lyle?
165
00:07:17,977 --> 00:07:20,779
I'm okay about you and Heather Locklear.
166
00:07:20,813 --> 00:07:22,781
That's different. She's
a television sensation.
167
00:07:22,815 --> 00:07:24,182
I have zero chance with her.
168
00:07:24,217 --> 00:07:25,817
How do you know?
169
00:07:25,852 --> 00:07:29,154
Maybe she comes to
Pittsburgh, has a small stroke,
170
00:07:29,188 --> 00:07:31,790
you remind her of her grandfather,
171
00:07:31,858 --> 00:07:33,925
and with all the medication,
172
00:07:33,960 --> 00:07:37,029
she accidentally lets you touch her.
173
00:07:37,063 --> 00:07:40,098
The point is, that is
not how the rule works.
174
00:07:40,133 --> 00:07:41,867
A free pass is a free pass.
175
00:07:41,901 --> 00:07:44,836
Yeah, but what makes it fun
is that it could never happen!
176
00:07:44,871 --> 00:07:46,838
I thought what makes
it fun is you're allowed
177
00:07:46,873 --> 00:07:48,440
to get a piece of strange.
178
00:07:49,942 --> 00:07:51,043
Okay, guys, okay.
179
00:07:51,077 --> 00:07:52,210
Tough first game of the season,
180
00:07:52,278 --> 00:07:53,412
but it could have been a lot worse.
181
00:07:53,446 --> 00:07:54,680
We'll get them next week.
182
00:07:54,714 --> 00:07:56,315
Now go get some doughnuts,
183
00:07:56,349 --> 00:07:58,350
and assistant coach Owen's
gonna start the postgame chat.
184
00:07:58,384 --> 00:08:01,086
All right, guys, we just
got to work on a few things,
185
00:08:01,120 --> 00:08:03,789
like offense, defense,
186
00:08:03,823 --> 00:08:05,457
and how to get out of the penalty box
187
00:08:05,491 --> 00:08:07,826
without injuring ourselves.
188
00:08:07,860 --> 00:08:12,130
I didn't know the door
swings in, but my nuts do.
189
00:08:12,165 --> 00:08:13,699
Oh. Oh!
190
00:08:13,766 --> 00:08:15,100
Sorry.
191
00:08:15,134 --> 00:08:16,768
No, no!
192
00:08:16,803 --> 00:08:17,969
Don't be sorry.
193
00:08:18,004 --> 00:08:21,873
Oh! Is that old spice?
194
00:08:21,908 --> 00:08:25,043
No, it's, uh, Kit Kat.
195
00:08:26,879 --> 00:08:28,880
Steve, sorry to barge in here like this,
196
00:08:28,915 --> 00:08:31,183
but as the commish, I
got to check on something.
197
00:08:31,250 --> 00:08:33,118
Somebody submitted a score card
198
00:08:33,152 --> 00:08:35,787
that said the Sullivan
& Son Bombers lost 17-0.
199
00:08:35,822 --> 00:08:37,489
I mean, that's got to be wrong,
200
00:08:37,523 --> 00:08:39,358
or you'd be hanging by your neck
201
00:08:39,392 --> 00:08:42,294
from that rafter up there
out of shame, wouldn't you?
202
00:08:42,362 --> 00:08:44,963
Lyle, are you here for a reason?
203
00:08:44,997 --> 00:08:46,365
Well, let's see, made
fun of you for losing,
204
00:08:46,399 --> 00:08:48,400
urged you towards suicide...
205
00:08:48,434 --> 00:08:51,370
Oh, one last thing... next week on the ice,
206
00:08:51,404 --> 00:08:54,473
when our teams play, your team's dead.
207
00:08:54,507 --> 00:08:55,907
Well, don't bet on it, Lyle.
208
00:08:55,942 --> 00:08:58,343
My team is motivated to come back strong.
209
00:09:01,414 --> 00:09:03,448
Yeah, they... they look real motivated
210
00:09:03,516 --> 00:09:05,250
sitting there eating doughnuts.
211
00:09:05,284 --> 00:09:08,086
Meanwhile, my boys are doing
wind sprints in the rain.
212
00:09:08,121 --> 00:09:09,755
You guys lost?
213
00:09:09,789 --> 00:09:11,957
No, we won, but their trash
talk was a little phoned in.
214
00:09:13,126 --> 00:09:14,326
Congratulations, Sullivan.
215
00:09:14,360 --> 00:09:16,161
You're coaching a team of happy losers.
216
00:09:16,195 --> 00:09:17,863
Hey, they're not happy.
217
00:09:17,930 --> 00:09:19,431
Hey, fellas, are you happy
about what happened today?
218
00:09:19,465 --> 00:09:22,901
What happened today?
219
00:09:22,935 --> 00:09:25,270
That's Howie. Every team has one.
220
00:09:25,304 --> 00:09:27,038
Mine doesn't. We get rid of them.
221
00:09:27,073 --> 00:09:28,907
- How?
- I'm the commish.
222
00:09:28,941 --> 00:09:31,109
I can make people disappear.
223
00:09:31,144 --> 00:09:33,879
Well, any kid that wants
to play should be able to.
224
00:09:33,946 --> 00:09:35,313
I know what you think of me, Sullivan...
225
00:09:35,348 --> 00:09:37,416
that I yell at the boys too
much and I scream at them,
226
00:09:37,450 --> 00:09:38,950
that I tell them they're worthless,
227
00:09:38,985 --> 00:09:40,986
that I'm borderline abusive.
228
00:09:41,020 --> 00:09:44,256
Why am I so sweaty?
229
00:09:44,290 --> 00:09:46,391
Listen up... what I did to you guys
230
00:09:46,426 --> 00:09:47,926
when we were kids,
231
00:09:47,994 --> 00:09:50,195
my boys are gonna do to yours on Saturday.
232
00:09:50,229 --> 00:09:51,329
I don't think so.
233
00:09:51,364 --> 00:09:53,165
Oh, yeah, it's the circle of life.
234
00:09:53,199 --> 00:09:55,000
It's all coming around again.
235
00:09:55,067 --> 00:09:57,736
Our boys are primed and ready.
236
00:09:57,804 --> 00:09:58,837
Please, look at them.
237
00:09:58,905 --> 00:10:00,071
Which one of those little boys
238
00:10:00,106 --> 00:10:01,440
is gonna be the tow-truck driver?
239
00:10:01,674 --> 00:10:05,543
Which one's gonna be
the unemployed slow kid?
240
00:10:07,213 --> 00:10:09,281
Hey.
241
00:10:09,315 --> 00:10:11,016
That's what I love about this town!
242
00:10:11,050 --> 00:10:12,451
Nothing ever changes.
243
00:10:12,485 --> 00:10:14,152
See you next week.
244
00:10:14,220 --> 00:10:16,455
We got to kick that guy's ass.
245
00:10:16,489 --> 00:10:18,457
There's no way I'm gonna
let this happen again.
246
00:10:18,491 --> 00:10:20,892
How are we gonna do that?
We're coming off a 17-0 loss.
247
00:10:20,960 --> 00:10:22,327
We've got to toughen them up.
248
00:10:22,361 --> 00:10:24,129
Hey, guys, why are we celebrating?
249
00:10:24,163 --> 00:10:25,764
We just got our butts kicked.
250
00:10:25,798 --> 00:10:26,865
What's the difference?
251
00:10:26,899 --> 00:10:29,234
We still get doughnuts.
252
00:10:29,268 --> 00:10:30,836
Yeah, but it's time to get serious.
253
00:10:30,870 --> 00:10:32,471
We have to talk about
what we need to work on.
254
00:10:32,505 --> 00:10:34,039
You guys want to get better, right?
255
00:10:34,073 --> 00:10:35,273
Why?
256
00:10:35,341 --> 00:10:37,809
My mother says I'm perfect the way I am.
257
00:10:37,877 --> 00:10:39,044
Well, nobody's perfect.
258
00:10:39,078 --> 00:10:41,346
My daddy says I'm a snowflake.
259
00:10:42,548 --> 00:10:44,182
And I'm a special boy like no other.
260
00:10:44,250 --> 00:10:46,885
That's what both my moms say.
261
00:10:46,919 --> 00:10:48,487
Guys, listen up.
262
00:10:48,521 --> 00:10:51,990
We got a big game next week,
and we really need to win.
263
00:10:52,024 --> 00:10:53,925
But you said it doesn't matter who wins.
264
00:10:53,960 --> 00:10:55,193
It's just about having fun.
265
00:10:55,228 --> 00:10:57,062
Yeah? Well, that was bullshit.
266
00:10:57,997 --> 00:10:59,097
We need to kick ass.
267
00:10:59,131 --> 00:11:00,866
Howie, put down the doughnuts.
268
00:11:00,900 --> 00:11:02,267
Doughnuts are for winners.
269
00:11:04,470 --> 00:11:07,239
That was not in the brochure.
270
00:11:07,273 --> 00:11:08,874
Winning matters!
271
00:11:08,908 --> 00:11:11,510
The only way we're
gonna win is to work hard
272
00:11:11,577 --> 00:11:14,012
and want it more than anybody else!
273
00:11:14,111 --> 00:11:16,980
What does it take to be a winner?
274
00:11:17,014 --> 00:11:18,582
Drive.
275
00:11:18,616 --> 00:11:21,117
Intensity.
276
00:11:21,152 --> 00:11:24,487
Concentration.
277
00:11:24,522 --> 00:11:27,991
And most importantly, a killer instinct.
278
00:11:36,901 --> 00:11:38,301
Those are all important.
279
00:11:38,336 --> 00:11:40,503
Just remember them in a different order.
280
00:11:40,538 --> 00:11:42,138
Coach, can I see you for a moment?
281
00:11:42,173 --> 00:11:43,106
Sure, sure.
282
00:11:43,174 --> 00:11:45,075
Pretty tough, huh, dad?
283
00:11:45,109 --> 00:11:46,343
I don't know, coach.
284
00:11:46,377 --> 00:11:47,611
Think you're going a little overboard?
285
00:11:47,645 --> 00:11:49,412
You think these boys are having any fun?
286
00:11:49,447 --> 00:11:50,914
Hey, we got a big game Saturday.
287
00:11:50,948 --> 00:11:52,015
We got to win.
288
00:11:52,049 --> 00:11:54,351
Who's got to win? Them or you?
289
00:11:55,886 --> 00:11:58,121
You know what's going to get
those boys into game shape?
290
00:11:58,923 --> 00:12:01,291
Painting a three-bedroom, two-bath house.
291
00:12:01,325 --> 00:12:04,094
No, Hank.
292
00:12:04,161 --> 00:12:06,062
How about cleaning out a basement
293
00:12:06,097 --> 00:12:08,365
filled with memories I can't face?
294
00:12:14,623 --> 00:12:16,324
Come on, what are you
pansy-asses doing out there?!
295
00:12:16,358 --> 00:12:18,526
How about we stop ice dancing
and start body checking?!
296
00:12:18,560 --> 00:12:20,461
Did somebody take a
suck pill this morning?!
297
00:12:20,495 --> 00:12:23,464
'Cause that's what I'm seeing
out there... big-time suckage!
298
00:12:23,498 --> 00:12:24,932
Oh, that's it, Bobby!
299
00:12:24,967 --> 00:12:26,234
Don't you help him up!
300
00:12:26,301 --> 00:12:27,835
I want to see everybody doing that...
301
00:12:27,869 --> 00:12:29,237
Delivering pain, am I right?
302
00:12:29,271 --> 00:12:31,105
Hey, coach, when are you gonna use my son?
303
00:12:31,139 --> 00:12:34,575
Mom! You're embarrassing me.
304
00:12:34,610 --> 00:12:35,910
Guys, Quan's open!
305
00:12:35,978 --> 00:12:37,111
Pass to Quan! Pass to Quan!
306
00:12:37,145 --> 00:12:39,113
Shoot, Quan, shoot! Goal! Yes!
307
00:12:39,147 --> 00:12:40,881
That's what I'm talking about!
308
00:12:40,916 --> 00:12:42,216
All you guys listen to me!
309
00:12:42,251 --> 00:12:43,317
I want you all to die!
310
00:12:43,352 --> 00:12:46,254
I'm serious this time!
311
00:12:46,288 --> 00:12:47,488
What's the score, boys?
312
00:12:47,522 --> 00:12:49,156
3-0.
313
00:12:49,191 --> 00:12:51,192
Well, as long as our
kids are doing their best.
314
00:12:51,226 --> 00:12:52,426
No, Jack, we're winning!
315
00:12:52,461 --> 00:12:54,495
What? We're up 3-0.
316
00:12:54,563 --> 00:12:56,130
Holy crap! We never won before!
317
00:12:56,198 --> 00:12:57,298
Steve, we're winning!
318
00:12:57,332 --> 00:12:59,066
No, we haven't won anything yet.
319
00:12:59,134 --> 00:13:00,468
We got to stay sharp, guys.
320
00:13:00,502 --> 00:13:03,137
One mistake could change
everything... one mistake.
321
00:13:03,171 --> 00:13:04,272
Coach, I haven't played yet.
322
00:13:04,306 --> 00:13:05,373
Can I go in?
323
00:13:05,407 --> 00:13:07,908
That would be one big mistake.
324
00:13:07,943 --> 00:13:09,577
Hey, hey, hey! Way to get open, Quan.
325
00:13:09,611 --> 00:13:11,045
You came out of nowhere.
326
00:13:11,079 --> 00:13:12,613
They're always doing that.
327
00:13:12,648 --> 00:13:14,115
That's how we lost the
corporal and the kid from Iowa.
328
00:13:14,149 --> 00:13:15,583
I don't know how many times I told them,
329
00:13:15,617 --> 00:13:18,653
"whatever you do, don't
kick the banana leaves!"
330
00:13:21,957 --> 00:13:24,158
Okay, guys, okay, listen,
this is a tight game.
331
00:13:24,192 --> 00:13:25,259
Don't blow it.
332
00:13:25,294 --> 00:13:26,661
But, coach, we're up 3-0.
333
00:13:26,695 --> 00:13:28,329
That's loser talk.
334
00:13:28,363 --> 00:13:30,164
A three-goal lead is the
most dangerous lead in hockey.
335
00:13:30,198 --> 00:13:32,199
Wow, I've never seen Steve act like this.
336
00:13:32,234 --> 00:13:33,634
I love it!
337
00:13:33,669 --> 00:13:35,069
Go, mean Steve!
338
00:13:35,103 --> 00:13:37,538
hey, check this out, Lyle.
339
00:13:37,606 --> 00:13:41,175
Here's my three-goal-lead dance.
340
00:13:44,613 --> 00:13:48,015
Hey, Lyle, this is my 6-0 dance.
341
00:13:49,318 --> 00:13:50,918
Dance it up, Sullivan.
342
00:13:50,952 --> 00:13:52,520
A six-goal lead is the most
dangerous lead in hockey.
343
00:13:52,554 --> 00:13:54,021
What's that, Lyle?
344
00:13:54,056 --> 00:13:55,523
Is someone begging for the mercy rule?
345
00:13:55,590 --> 00:13:57,291
Oh, is the skate on the other foot now?
346
00:13:57,326 --> 00:13:58,926
Huh?
347
00:13:58,960 --> 00:14:01,295
Hey, coach, make sure your
defenseman clears the crease
348
00:14:01,330 --> 00:14:02,963
so your goalie's not screened.
349
00:14:03,031 --> 00:14:05,266
Well, what do you know,
slick guy with stubble?
350
00:14:05,300 --> 00:14:07,001
I'm Timmy's Uncle number 30.
351
00:14:07,069 --> 00:14:09,136
I'm also the goalie for the Buffalo Sabres.
352
00:14:09,171 --> 00:14:10,538
Ryan Miller.
353
00:14:10,572 --> 00:14:12,573
Pipe down, hot shot. This is peewee hockey.
354
00:14:12,607 --> 00:14:15,109
It's a little more
challenging than the NHL.
355
00:14:17,079 --> 00:14:19,347
Hey, coach, when are
you gonna play my kid?!
356
00:14:19,381 --> 00:14:20,915
Hey, is that your mom?
357
00:14:20,949 --> 00:14:21,882
Yeah.
358
00:14:21,917 --> 00:14:22,917
She's hot.
359
00:14:22,951 --> 00:14:24,285
Tell me about it.
360
00:14:24,319 --> 00:14:26,620
She's giving me a zamboner.
361
00:14:26,655 --> 00:14:30,024
Hey, that's my mom you're talking about.
362
00:14:30,058 --> 00:14:31,125
Keep skating, Quan!
363
00:14:31,159 --> 00:14:33,094
It's not your blood!
364
00:14:33,128 --> 00:14:34,495
Steve, they're just kids.
365
00:14:34,563 --> 00:14:36,130
Aren't you being a little mean?
366
00:14:36,198 --> 00:14:37,331
Melanie, the only time
I want to hear from you
367
00:14:37,366 --> 00:14:38,999
is when one of my kids gets hurt.
368
00:14:40,469 --> 00:14:41,702
Like now. Go.
369
00:14:45,574 --> 00:14:46,874
Sorry we're late.
370
00:14:46,942 --> 00:14:48,242
What are we losing by?
371
00:14:48,276 --> 00:14:49,677
The score is 6-0.
372
00:14:49,711 --> 00:14:51,912
Well, let's face it, our kids suck.
373
00:14:51,947 --> 00:14:53,013
We're winning!
374
00:14:53,048 --> 00:14:54,115
Oh, no!
375
00:14:54,149 --> 00:14:56,650
I promised my kid a car.
376
00:14:56,685 --> 00:14:59,520
Hey, coach, can I play now?
377
00:14:59,554 --> 00:15:00,888
Now, Howie. Sit tight.
378
00:15:00,922 --> 00:15:02,456
Hey, it's just a baby tooth, Charlie.
379
00:15:02,491 --> 00:15:04,024
Swallow it!
380
00:15:04,092 --> 00:15:05,226
I got to hand it to you, Sullivan,
381
00:15:05,260 --> 00:15:06,327
I didn't think you had it in you.
382
00:15:06,361 --> 00:15:07,495
You're more me than me.
383
00:15:07,562 --> 00:15:09,096
Hey, I'm nothing like you.
384
00:15:09,131 --> 00:15:10,364
Oh, really?
385
00:15:10,399 --> 00:15:11,932
What ever happened to, "everybody plays"?
386
00:15:11,967 --> 00:15:13,434
Every kid's gonna play.
387
00:15:13,468 --> 00:15:15,269
What about the kid who
doesn't know he's gay yet?
388
00:15:15,303 --> 00:15:16,470
I haven't seen him take the ice.
389
00:15:16,505 --> 00:15:19,206
Mind your own bench.
390
00:15:19,241 --> 00:15:21,242
I get it. You're doing what I do...
391
00:15:21,276 --> 00:15:23,677
making the problems go
away by ignoring them.
392
00:15:23,712 --> 00:15:26,013
Congratulations, you're a coach now.
393
00:15:28,083 --> 00:15:29,483
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
394
00:15:29,518 --> 00:15:31,318
Where are you going?
395
00:15:31,353 --> 00:15:33,621
Well, if I'm not going to
play, I might as well go.
396
00:15:33,655 --> 00:15:34,955
What?
397
00:15:34,990 --> 00:15:36,957
I'm the worst player on this team,
398
00:15:36,992 --> 00:15:38,592
and I don't deserve to play.
399
00:15:38,627 --> 00:15:41,695
And, let's be honest,
coach, you want me gone.
400
00:15:41,730 --> 00:15:44,632
No. No.
401
00:15:44,666 --> 00:15:46,233
Howie, put your helmet on.
402
00:15:46,268 --> 00:15:47,468
You're playing.
403
00:15:47,502 --> 00:15:50,638
Steve! What are you doing?!
404
00:15:50,672 --> 00:15:52,473
I can't believe it.
405
00:15:52,507 --> 00:15:54,475
I became the one thing I swore
I wouldn't be... a rotten coach.
406
00:15:54,509 --> 00:15:55,976
That kid doesn't want to play hockey.
407
00:15:56,044 --> 00:15:59,213
He'd rather be in the theater.
408
00:15:59,247 --> 00:16:00,481
Dad, I don't want to win like that.
409
00:16:01,515 --> 00:16:02,678
Howie, you get out there
410
00:16:02,679 --> 00:16:04,118
and you play your heart out, all right?
411
00:16:04,152 --> 00:16:05,386
- I will.
- All right!
412
00:16:05,420 --> 00:16:07,521
- Thanks, coach.
- Yeah!
413
00:16:07,556 --> 00:16:09,256
Show them!
414
00:16:11,259 --> 00:16:13,394
Get out there.
415
00:16:13,428 --> 00:16:17,064
Easy! Don't crush the chips in my pocket.
416
00:16:20,101 --> 00:16:22,136
Yeah! 6-4! We're coming back!
417
00:16:22,170 --> 00:16:23,671
Like my comeback dance?
418
00:16:23,705 --> 00:16:25,306
Kiss this, Sullivan!
419
00:16:26,352 --> 00:16:29,587
Shake that money-maker!
420
00:16:29,622 --> 00:16:31,055
Steve, you made your point.
421
00:16:31,090 --> 00:16:32,090
Pull the kid out.
422
00:16:32,124 --> 00:16:33,291
Come on, Steve.
423
00:16:33,359 --> 00:16:35,059
He's letting goals go left and right.
424
00:16:35,094 --> 00:16:36,528
Every kid plays.
425
00:16:36,562 --> 00:16:38,029
You're right, Sullivan,
'cause losing's great for kids.
426
00:16:39,598 --> 00:16:42,167
You know, Lyle, I almost
became a coach like you.
427
00:16:42,201 --> 00:16:44,702
I almost treated my players
with humiliation and anger,
428
00:16:44,737 --> 00:16:46,504
but I'm not gonna be that guy.
429
00:16:46,539 --> 00:16:50,208
I'm gonna be a supportive,
positive, and nurturing coach.
430
00:16:51,510 --> 00:16:52,944
6-5!
431
00:16:52,978 --> 00:16:55,046
Howie, get your ass out of the game!
432
00:16:55,080 --> 00:16:56,414
Time out! Time out!
433
00:16:56,449 --> 00:16:58,349
20 seconds left, guys.
434
00:16:58,384 --> 00:17:00,585
Protect the lead. Clear the puck.
435
00:17:00,619 --> 00:17:03,354
Now, Howie, if you want to
skate the last 20 seconds,
436
00:17:03,389 --> 00:17:04,389
just say the word.
437
00:17:04,423 --> 00:17:05,623
It's entirely up to you.
438
00:17:05,658 --> 00:17:07,125
I want to play.
439
00:17:07,159 --> 00:17:09,527
Again, it's very close.
440
00:17:09,562 --> 00:17:11,229
That's okay, coach. I get it.
441
00:17:11,297 --> 00:17:14,265
You were nice to put me in,
but I was right the first time.
442
00:17:15,534 --> 00:17:17,135
I don't belong on this team.
443
00:17:17,169 --> 00:17:18,336
No, you listen to me.
444
00:17:18,404 --> 00:17:19,671
You belong on this team.
445
00:17:19,705 --> 00:17:21,573
Every one of you belongs on this team.
446
00:17:21,607 --> 00:17:24,108
Each one of you guys has
something special to give.
447
00:17:24,143 --> 00:17:26,077
Really? What do I have to give?
448
00:17:26,111 --> 00:17:28,079
You're big! You're the
biggest guy on our team.
449
00:17:30,049 --> 00:17:33,051
Second-biggest guy on our team.
450
00:17:33,085 --> 00:17:34,652
Now, do you see number 13,
451
00:17:34,687 --> 00:17:36,754
the kid that's been skating
around, scoring all the goals?
452
00:17:36,822 --> 00:17:38,356
He's gonna continue to do that
453
00:17:38,390 --> 00:17:40,325
unless one of you guys takes him out.
454
00:17:40,359 --> 00:17:44,095
So maybe we need the
biggest guy on our team
455
00:17:44,129 --> 00:17:46,097
to knock him on his butt as hard as he can.
456
00:17:46,131 --> 00:17:47,732
- Can you do that, Howie?
- I can do that.
457
00:17:47,766 --> 00:17:49,634
Then you go out there, and you it.
458
00:17:51,570 --> 00:17:53,171
Game faces, fellas!
459
00:17:56,242 --> 00:17:57,275
All right!
460
00:17:57,343 --> 00:17:59,210
Good hustle, boys! Good hustle!
461
00:17:59,245 --> 00:18:00,612
Defense. Defense.
462
00:18:00,646 --> 00:18:02,413
Oh, no, he's got the puck!
463
00:18:02,448 --> 00:18:03,581
Now, Howie! Now!
464
00:18:03,616 --> 00:18:05,316
Good God. Look at the big kid.
465
00:18:05,351 --> 00:18:07,685
He's skating on his ankles,
but he's getting there.
466
00:18:11,624 --> 00:18:15,059
4, 3, 2, 1!
467
00:18:17,530 --> 00:18:19,464
We won! We actually won a game!
468
00:18:19,498 --> 00:18:20,498
We beat Lyle!
469
00:18:20,533 --> 00:18:22,333
We beat him!
470
00:18:22,368 --> 00:18:24,536
Men, it was a hard-fought game.
471
00:18:24,570 --> 00:18:28,106
What do we say to the other
team after a tough loss?
472
00:18:28,140 --> 00:18:29,240
We don't know, coach.
473
00:18:29,275 --> 00:18:30,375
We never lost.
474
00:18:30,409 --> 00:18:32,710
Let me show you. You still suck!
475
00:18:32,745 --> 00:18:34,078
You're a bunch of jagoffs!
476
00:18:41,417 --> 00:18:43,351
Okay, pizza for the winners!
477
00:18:44,954 --> 00:18:47,355
All right, careful. It's hot.
478
00:18:47,390 --> 00:18:49,557
It's not the only thing that's hot.
479
00:18:49,592 --> 00:18:54,896
Well, that is adorable, but I
am old enough to be your moth...
480
00:18:54,964 --> 00:18:57,098
nutritionist.
481
00:18:57,166 --> 00:18:58,433
Oh, not for me.
482
00:18:58,467 --> 00:19:00,135
You're one of my moms' free passes.
483
00:19:03,072 --> 00:19:07,742
This one's a pepperoni, so... yum.
484
00:19:07,777 --> 00:19:09,411
What do you want, Lyle?
485
00:19:09,445 --> 00:19:10,712
Just hear me out, Sullivan.
486
00:19:10,746 --> 00:19:12,747
Uh, somebody had one of those camera phones
487
00:19:12,782 --> 00:19:15,784
at the game today, and I
saw video of my behavior.
488
00:19:15,818 --> 00:19:19,054
For the first time, I saw
myself as others see me...
489
00:19:19,088 --> 00:19:21,623
Rude, belligerent, out of control...
490
00:19:21,657 --> 00:19:25,093
Sexy.
491
00:19:25,127 --> 00:19:27,462
But I... I didn't like what I saw.
492
00:19:27,496 --> 00:19:30,432
You know, the kids you coach liked you more
493
00:19:30,466 --> 00:19:31,833
when you were losing
494
00:19:31,867 --> 00:19:34,769
than mine ever did me when we were winning.
495
00:19:34,804 --> 00:19:38,640
So I want to apologize,
and not just for today,
496
00:19:38,708 --> 00:19:43,511
but for 20 years ago when we beat you 6-0.
497
00:19:43,546 --> 00:19:44,813
Well, uh, to be honest, Lyle,
498
00:19:44,847 --> 00:19:46,614
I got a little out of hand, myself.
499
00:19:46,649 --> 00:19:48,216
Let's, uh... let's promise each other
500
00:19:48,250 --> 00:19:50,051
we'll both keep it in check next time.
501
00:19:50,086 --> 00:19:51,553
Deal.
502
00:19:51,587 --> 00:19:52,821
Excuse me.
503
00:19:52,855 --> 00:19:54,823
Mister, would you like a piece of pizza?
504
00:19:54,857 --> 00:19:56,458
It is mister, right?
505
00:19:56,492 --> 00:19:59,027
I only ask because you
look like one of my moms.
506
00:20:04,633 --> 00:20:05,834
Yeah, sure.
507
00:20:05,901 --> 00:20:07,202
Thanks, kid.
508
00:20:07,236 --> 00:20:09,971
Wait a minute, wait a
minute, wait a minute.
509
00:20:10,006 --> 00:20:11,206
You're nice guy now?
510
00:20:11,240 --> 00:20:12,874
Well, I'm gonna try to be.
511
00:20:12,908 --> 00:20:15,443
So no more yelling, no
more throwing things,
512
00:20:15,478 --> 00:20:17,245
no more telling the kids to die?
513
00:20:17,279 --> 00:20:20,482
No, I... I'm done with that.
514
00:20:20,516 --> 00:20:22,183
Then I'm-a done with you.
515
00:20:23,919 --> 00:20:26,521
That's the problem with eye candy.
516
00:20:26,555 --> 00:20:27,856
They talk too much.
517
00:20:29,859 --> 00:20:31,593
See you soon, Sullivan,
518
00:20:31,627 --> 00:20:34,863
and, uh, next time I see you
on the ice, I'll be a nice guy.
519
00:20:34,897 --> 00:20:37,132
Me, too, commish.
520
00:20:37,166 --> 00:20:39,667
You're not really serious
about that, are you?
521
00:20:39,702 --> 00:20:41,503
Hell, no.
522
00:20:41,537 --> 00:20:43,905
You know what's gonna make these
boys feel good about themselves?
523
00:20:43,973 --> 00:20:45,006
Winning a championship!
524
00:20:45,074 --> 00:20:46,074
Yeah!
525
00:20:46,108 --> 00:20:47,208
Yeah, pizza time's over!
526
00:20:47,276 --> 00:20:48,810
Two laps around the block!
527
00:20:48,844 --> 00:20:49,744
Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!
528
00:20:49,812 --> 00:20:50,779
Come on, guys!
529
00:20:50,813 --> 00:20:52,614
Wait, me, too, coach?
530
00:20:52,648 --> 00:20:54,482
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
531
00:20:54,550 --> 00:20:55,884
You're my enforcer.
532
00:20:55,918 --> 00:20:57,786
I need you big.
533
00:21:02,360 --> 00:21:07,370
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- www.addic7ed.com -
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