Original subtitles

Yes, I'm a bachelor girl.

It's funny.

Um, because the first time I heard it was actually in Bombay.

Bachelor, bachelor ladies.

One, "bachelor" is the wrong word to use,

because I am not...

You just changed my gender.

I'm just like, "Learn some English."

And I never thought of myself as a bachelor, you know.

I just thought of myself as a person, you know.

A girl.

What does "bachelor girl" mean?

It means somebody

who is doing well enough to pay her own bills.

There is... There is this prefix to a girl when she is not married and...

If you're a bachelor, then you cannot be anything else, you know.

It means a lot of unintended, like, insinuations behind it, that okay...

Why are they not like, uh, their mothers, or like my daughter, or my wife?

You have breasts and a vagina.

That's the central problem.

Mumbai is the financial capital of India.

People from all over the country,

different cities, villages,

and districts come here.

If I get 15 calls in a day

for housing requirements,

at least eight to ten of those calls

are from bachelors.

We get a lot of calls from the bachelors,

and mostly, these days, for Paying Guest Accommodation.

In a call ranging from ten calls, at least about five are from singles,

mainly students or working professionals.

They are all about... At least 50% are from singles.

In the olden days, most bachelors were uneducated.

But, nowadays, bachelors are educated and have a higher income as well.

I just moved to Bombay about five, six years ago.

And I moved here because I had my job here.

I mean, I got to transfer to Bombay.

Thanks to one of my uncles who knew a real estate broker,

so he got me a house when I just moved to Bombay in Chembur.

Unfortunately, that place had to go on a redevelopment.

So, I had to then start looking out for a house,

and that's when I had to go through this whole ordeal

of finding a new house in the suburbs.

I had met about ten owners, I would say,

and at least, I must have seen 30, 40 houses

from Chembur, Ghatkopar, Matunga to Kalina, and Santacruz.

Sum total, I'm saying.

In fact, even in Bandra, I saw a couple of houses.

It was just completely insane for four to five months.

You know, you get tired of looking around for so many houses.

When you like some place, you want to, you know, finish it off.

You wanna take that place and start living.

For three days, I chased the broker.

The broker calls up

and says that, "I'm sorry, the deal's gone off,

because the society doesn't want bachelors."

He said the lady doesn't want to give it to a woman who stays alone.

I didn't get the house.

I was at my lowest because I was also working.

I was not free, I had to go to the office.

For some time, I was staying with my friend

because there was no place to stay.

You have no idea what...

That... It's... I have all my stuff.

I'm supposed to move to a new house in one day.

Where do you go?

When you apply for a job,

there are certain levels that you need to cross...

to get a job. It's the same thing

when you are trying to get a house in Mumbai.

At different levels, you will meet different people

who would interview you in their own style,

and they will ask you their own style of questions.

The first round of interview happens with the broker.

Brokers all look like tobacco eaters, you know...

Terrible!

They look like goons.

And you have to deal with them, and negotiate with them,

and fight with them, and be sneaky with them about...

And be smart about how you deal with things.

"Oh, you know, ask someone to pretend to be your mother,

or pretend to be your father."

That was a little funny.

Later, if someone comes asking for them,

then where will I get a mother and a father?

The next round of the interview is with the owner of the house,

the landlord.

If you also passed that,

the third round of interview will be with the society...

I had like four men sitting there and interviewing me,

asking me about where I came from, what's my mother tongue.

"Are you a Chatterjee or a Bhardwaj?" And then she asked us if we're Muslims or not.

No air hostesses or Muslims.

And I was like, "Okay, so, you are a fundamentalist,

communal fundamentalist, therefore, you don't like Muslims.

What's wrong with air hostesses?" You know.

But every time, we would be all dressed,

- decked up in, like, Indian clothes... - In traditional clothes.

Our heads covered with scarf. "

Who asks for it?

- So really, there's a lot of... - We thought that would be the, you know...

'Cause suddenly, uh, we wear T-shirts and jeans,

and go, and then...

"These are modern girls. We won't rent the house to them."

He would ask whether I am a nonvegetarian.

If I am, which I am,

then would I cook at home, or would I order outside.

"Why are you living alone?"

Women wearing a certain kind of clothes can't enter.

And she'll be like, "Ooh, those shorts, ugh!"

You should not use too much water.

The place is still not rented to me,

and yet you're talking to me about water and dustbins.

When you make noise, somebody will come.

"You are two spinsters.

We don't want any men in the house.

In the building, no men from outside."

You know, and we're like...

They would ask such horrid questions,

and it was so awkward to answer.

Uh, I mean, I'm very young. I'm straight out of college,

so it was very difficult to answer to questions like,

"Do you smoke Do you have overnight guests?

Do you have a boyfriend? Does he come often?"

Uh, "Do you throw parties?"

I think, in India, we have not been brought up in the way

where such issues are talked so openly.

We don't discuss that.

We just discuss such things only with close friends.

And senior people, I mean, adults,

so probably a 50-year-old man asking you such questions.

We've not faced that a lot.

I mean, my father would never ask me a thing like that.

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

But it is not... We've never been told that it is wrong to have a male friend.

So now, when you know that, you are in a conflict,

then what would be the right answer?

And what would be taken in what perspective by the other person?

Because you don't know them.

And they try to really scare us and say that, "We don't want you here,

because, basically, you are two women. And, on top of that, you are foreigners."

Um, so many places, uh, they were okay, but then, they'd come and say things like,

"So your family, uh...

We only want families."

So, me and my cousin looked at each other, and we're like, "We are family."

They were like, "No, not this kind of family."

Like, "Family means a husband, a wife, and a child."

That is their only definition of family.

Two sisters are not a family.

Every time I've had a society interview or a meeting,

I mean, I've always felt that I was being interrogated as a criminal,

as if I've done an offense.

And I have to answer these questions, why, when, how, whatever.

There is a procedure, fine, it is there.

But there has to be a niceness to it.

It should not be made...

to make you feel sick about yourself.

I came to Bombay in 2008 for my fashion studies.

And coming from a very small town like Basti,

it's like, uh, only 300, 400 families stay there.

We don't have anything there. Girls don't go out.

And coming to Bombay is like,

oh, you are an independent lady.

If anyone would hear that I'm in Bombay,

it's like that, "Oh, I'm in a foreign place."

It's like that in Basti.

So I was very strong enough that I have to do something in Bombay,

and I was not scared coming to Bombay.

I've heard that people suffer a lot for accommodation and all,

but I was like, "It's a challenge for me, I have to go ahead with my career."

I found a PG in Andheri.

I went there.

I stayed there for a month

because there were a lot of working women staying there,

and I was the only student who was staying.

It was a two BHK flat.

In one room, auntie was staying.

In another room, there were four girls.

And there were a lot of assignments.

Like in fashion, where you get a lot of assignments to do.

So she used to tell me

when to sit in the kitchen and do my assignments.

You're not supposed to switch on the lights and all.

Then she gets up at four o'clock, she was like,

"Switch off the light whether your work is done or not."

So I left the PG in a month

because I couldn't do my assignments on time.

Then again, I found a PG in Kandivali.

I paid almost Rs 20,000, I just stayed there for 15 days.

Finally, I found a flat, like, they were ready to give to the bachelors.

We have to vacate the flat in 11 months.

Because there were issues there.

Because of our working hours.

I used to come here...

I used to come by two, three o'clock.

Two, three at night,

then my watchman, he used to complain.

- Because... To who?

To the secretary...

that... I don't know.

So I left the flat in 11 months because this was not working out for me.

Because I can also come in the morning,

and it's a flat, I can come anytime.

That was like...

I never cried for accommodation, but that was the first day I cried.

Like badly.

Yeah, how can someone ask me to leave the flat

because of my time limit?

Then again, I started searching for a flat. For three months, I stayed with my friends.

I went to my aunt's place again.

When I went there, again, her in-laws said,

"You are back again?"

That was like...

I wish I had another option.

I was like, "I should give up now. I should go back."

It was like a situation like this,

"Okay, I should go back now."

Because everywhere, you're a bachelor,

you're a girl, your profession is like this.

So I can't change the profession because of my accommodation.

Find me a political, uh, beat journalist or a crime beat journalist,

or an investment banker that comes home by eight o'clock.

Hey, that's absurd.

So, I am coming to Bombay because I have...

I have the city that allows me to live a life

where I can come back home at one o'clock in the morning safely.

But you are telling me I can't live in your flat

if I come home at one o'clock.

That just defeats the purpose of being in the city.

So the secretary, basically, had this point that any visitor

who's coming to visit you, even if it's a girl or a boy...

Boys were basically not allowed even if you give a letter.

And if a girl is coming,

and if anyone is coming to stay at your place overnight,

so, that time, you will have to give a letter, signed...

Get it signed by the secretary,

and she should have complete knowledge of it

that this person has come to stay for these many days.

Or even if for an hour, a person is coming to just visit,

then also, she has to... Uh, I have to inform her.

In another week's time,

we started having problems like these because no one was allowed to come.

So my friend who just got married,

in the old place that I used to stay in,

she wanted to come and visit me with her husband.

And the... The, um, watchman stopped her,

and said that, uh,

“You are allowed to go with a letter, but your husband is not allowed to go.

Uh, if you have to go, then you have to show me a marriage certificate, saying that you guys are married, and that's why you want to visit."

It was worse than what a hostel would be.

We were so scared of...

Okay, we weren't allowed to invite people.

Even my family had a problem, you know.

My brother came in for one day,

and then he had to go to Pune for some work,

and the owner, you know, I told the owner.

I had to tell the owner because if they see a guy is staying here,

- then that'd be a problem. - Yeah.

So I just told him my brother is coming.

I never thought telling him would create more problems.

He's like, "You're making a habit of getting people over."

I'm like, "That's my family.

If I'm here, where else will my brother go and stay?"

And he's like, "Whatever, you know.

You have to get a police NOC done, and you have to get this done

- and that done..." - For one day that the brother

- comes and stays, - Comes and stays.

a police NOC has to be done for that.

I still got him.

But, you know, the owners probably didn't know.

Or maybe they do know, they...

I don't know with the other people, you know, snooping on us.

Finally, we only had to bow... go down to the secretary saying that, you know,

"Okay, fine, we won't have any visitors coming in."

Even though we were paying rent for a place,

- we used to be treated like PGs. - PGs.

And we couldn't say anything because, fine, if we say too much,

they will be like, "Fine, give us a month's notice and go."

But then, the whole cycle of finding a new place,

and we know how difficult it is, so we will not, you know, voluntarily go,

- and try and, you know... - Screw it up.

bring up these issues with the owners because there's no point.

Worst comes to worst, they'll say, "Fine, go, leave."

You can't expect someone to be jailed in their house,

having no people here.

That's what we used to tell them that, you know,

“We are not... We are staying here. We are paying for the entire flat.

Why are we not allowed to get anyone?

It's just guests, you know. We can't get anyone.”

We face problems in renting houses to bachelors.

Their way of living is the problem.

They don't act inappropriately when they are with their family

because they fear their parents.

And, by that, they tend to behave properly.

But when they are alone, they have freedom.

Girls would wear inappropriate clothes

that their family would not normally approve of.

They can wear such clothes because they're not from here.

They're just here to work.

What do I have to say about women's clothes?

If you dress decently, then untoward incidents can be avoided.

So, avoid wearing inappropriate clothes. It's our duty to take precautions.

See, it goes like this.

If a child in your house does something wrong,

you scold the child, right?

As a parent, as a brother, as a mother, whoever it may be.

So it's a similar case when you are staying at a certain place,

even if the people who scold you

aren't related to you or aren't your family member.

We are a community. That's the way of living here.

Everyone has rules in their own houses, right?

So if you consider this as your home, then what is the problem with living by the rules?

If you're living in a good place,

and if all the necessities are being provided,

such as electricity, water, and a nice ambiance,

then you should follow the rules.

I think, uh, people are very threatened by somebody

who doesn't seem to value the things that they value.

So if you value the presence of elders in a household,

um...

that the parent knows what you are up to,

they'll feel okay.

Like, when her mother knows what she's up to.

But I think the assumption is that

a single person should not be allowed

to have the freedom that an adult deserves.

So, as an adult, what do you want?

You want to live your own life.

I am 21 years old, or 25 years old, or 30 years old, or 35 years old,

and I want to live my life the way that I want to live my life.

I don't, uh, need what is called parental control, you know.

How long will you have parental control?

I have a job. I vote.

But that doesn't somehow come to play.

It is very strange. The moment there's a girl staying there,

they feel, uh... they're responsible for that girl.

So they control the lifestyle of that particular girl,

how she should stay, what she will be doing,

what she's doing, where she's going.

They feel like...

It is almost like a Khap Panchayat where this entire village...

has, uh, something to say about that girl in that Khap.

So we are living in a Khap Panchayat society.

We don't look like Khaps, and we don't wear their attire and all,

but, mentally, we are Khaps.

No, it's power play.

There's no generation gap here.

I... I... You know, if...

You may be a 40-year-old woman

and looking for a house.

I had a doctor friend,

who's now migrated to Canada,

and she lived, probably, for 15 years in Bombay.

She's an Indian.

In rented houses, every 11 months, she was moving.

And, you know, she was asked questions everywhere,

although she was a doctor.

But she was pretty.

So she had to answer all the questions.

It's a fact!

Come on. You know, that's the reality of life.

If you're a woman,

you're always, like, hearing condescending comments

from all kinds of people, you know, whether it's from...

Whether it's from, like, elderly woman or man or young man.

They constantly ask us,

"How many people come to your house? You have so many people."

Often, they would be like, uh,

"We have seen these many chappals outside.

What are so many people doing in your house?"

You'll also feel, "Okay, their door is shut.

They can't see anything."

But they can see everything.

They can see everything.

We had this friend who went bald,

yeah, so...

So she's... She's North Eastern, and she went bald.

So we had to ask her to cover herself up, you know.

If you... If they see some bald person going inside like that...

There was a split AC.

And the AC was sort of this pale yellow.

And the guy was like,

"You know, I had this, uh... I had this woman, she's a single woman.

She smoked so much that it turned yellow."

Teeth can turn yellow.

Air conditioners...

That lady told me,

"Didn't you come with your boyfriend the other day?"

I was like, "Which boyfriend?"

It was my dad!

"So, late night, huh?"

And I'm like...

"So, have you been standing at your peephole

waiting for me to come home?

What are doing?" You know.

My boyfriend, my partner brings me here because, uh...

it has been a long-distance relationship for a while.

Uh, we were very sure that we were going to stay together

because that was my purpose for coming to Bombay.

My partner looked for a house for a long time.

He was very disappointed that till then, we hadn't found a flat,

and I had already arrived with all my luggage and stuff.

Every time we would want to meet the society secretary,

though, even before he met us, he would just say that,

"No, we won't give a flat to a couple who is not married."

I've lived with my parents earlier,

and I told you that they came from a middle-class background.

There were debates.

And I would participate in those debates as I was always for this, and...

But my mother, especially, she would be like,

"No, this is not right.

But what if she gets pregnant?"

What happens about this? What happens about that?

So, you know, we talked about it.

Today, she's in a position to think about these things and...

Which makes me very happy.

That, you know, she wouldn't say, "This is right, this is wrong" anymore.

She would think about it before making a judgment.

The problem with our society is there... There's no desire to think about this.

They think it's Indian culture, Indian values, family.

Okay, family.

But, ultimately, what is a family?

People being associated with each other, loving each other, caring for each other.

It is a very normal desire of a human being

to be with the person he or she loves.

Which is so, very basic.

And in such a world...

I mean, why is it so difficult for people to understand this?

Whether or not it's legal, illegal, we'll talk about it and...

But we want to stay together.

So, finally, we saw this flat where we are living at the moment.

Um, but the broker was like, "Just lie. Okay?"

Even if you are a couple, then you'll end up having to lie about it.

Like, I do know some people who lie that, "Okay, we are married."

But they are actually not married.

That poor girl who lost her Miss India crown.

I mean, that... That was the whole thing.

She signed a lease, saying that she's married to this man.

Whether or not she's married, I don't know, but it cost her the crown.

- That's funny 'cause... - We need married couples.

But that's funny for a city like Bombay which is, otherwise, so liberal and so...

They say it's liberal, but in this aspect...

From my experience and the experience of several of my friends,

it's not liberal in that aspect.

This is what happened.

I was shunned away from several, several houses,

and, um...

I desperately needed a house over my head.

- All right. - And when I went to this place,

I thought, "Okay, fine.

If they need a married woman,

- fine, I'll declare that." - Uh-huh.

And I guess that was a big mistake.

When I... When I separated from my husband, I had to move.

Quite in a hurry because I was, you know,

in a bad state or whatever.

So I was looking for a place,

and it was really difficult.

And then, I finally moved into this place, saying that I lived with my mother and...

Yeah, they just gave me so much trouble, I mean...

It started off with little things like,

you know, they just said, uh...

Of course, they said, "No partying, no this, no that."

You know, all these rules. And I was like, "Of course."

But, uh... Then it went on to things like,

um, they would start asking who...

Every single person who came to my house,

they would want their names, numbers, everything.

And they started checking people.

Like, my makeup artist would come, they'd open her bag, check what's in it

like I'm a terrorist.

I had rehearsals for my play.

Sometimes, I'd have like five, six people in the house,

and they would come, the manager would call and say,

"Who's in your house?

How long are they gonna be there? What kind of work is this?"

Even though, now, I have again moved

because I was having so much trouble in my last building,

my new building is also asking me questions.

"We don't want media attention,

we don't want anybody here who's a celebrity."

The irony is they all wanna watch your films,

but they don't want you to live in their building.

They all want photographs with their kids.

They... All of them.

The people in my building have all come for autographs,

and their kids have come for photographs and yet...

they treat me like I'm diseased, or I have like some kind of...

I don't know what issues.

It was... It's exhausting.

It's exhausting to deal with that because you come home...

to feel at home.

You don't wanna fight another war.

You go out and fight all these other things anyway in life,

and then you come home, you wanna chill, but you can't.

There is. There is an association to, uh,

the whole "white girl being loose-moraled."

Uh, I've dealt with that since I was a teenager.

Um, if we went to...

If I'm on a holiday with my friends in Goa,

it was always me that the drug addicts would...

I mean, the drug dealers would approach.

My mom being a foreigner.

I was also asked about her, you know. "Give us her passport details.

Oh, she's a foreigner. What is she doing here?"

She's been in India for 40 years,

you know, um...

It's unbelievable that...

That they are asking her

not to be here because she is a foreigner.

Not to be in their building because she is a foreigner.

It's, um...

It's so much racism. I don't understand.

Where can a woman like me,

who recently separated from her husband,

who doesn't have kids,

uh, where is she supposed to go?

I mean, she's a working woman who's just...

Where... What do you do?

If your kids are growing up, in Bombay, where do they go,

if they want to move to Bombay?

If you think about that... I keep telling these society members,

"What if your kids want to go to Delhi?

They have a new job, a great opportunity, and they can't find a house?

Wouldn't you feel bad?

Wouldn't you like to vouch for your child and say, 'I brought that kid up.'"

I've never used power to get me further in my career.

I'm a very honest person, so for me to be treated like this,

to be treated in what I feel is a very inhuman way to be treated,

you know, to be discriminated just because of the way I look

when I've always upheld so many things.

You know, whether it's publicly or personally,

you know, I've stood up for people around me.

I've helped all those who work for me and around me.

And... And I've stood up for women

and for who I am as a person and an individual.

So, it's...

In all of these, you know, we think all the celebrity

has a great, easy life and stuff.

And I'm not saying to feel sorry for me, but I am like anybody else.

I have... I'm a human being who needs a home,

and who needs a place to have some privacy,

and that privacy to be respected.

Are you nervous?

♪ I've got some trouble ♪

My armpits are sweating.

♪ In my hands ♪

Action!

♪ Living along in this wonderland ♪

♪ I've got some trouble in my hands ♪

♪ Living along in this wonderland ♪

♪ My troubles will go ♪

♪ Go, go, go ♪

Sometimes, you'll feel like giving up your dreams

just because you don't find the right place to stay.

But that is the minimum you need to have.

♪ This is a wonderland ♪

You seem to have just moved in?

Yes. I moved in last evening.

And, today, I have the "girl thing." I'm unwell.

Okay, um...

I have lied about my identity here.

I'm a creative director.

And a fake profile of a fake production company.

See, it's that easy if you lie.

And if you try to be honest, it's so tough,

which my parents never taught.

Yeah, so I think the owner is aware of what I do.

And the other day, when I had gone to his place to collect the key,

the house key,

the daughter recognized me.

Yes.

"I've seen you, you look like a little...

You know, I've seen you on TV. You look like an actor."

I just hoped she has not googled me.

And...

I think he knows it because my agent knows it.

And agent... My agent stays in this very building,

on the second floor, this is fourth.

He is completely aware of what I do.

And he must have felt pity for me and must've seen my good side.

So he must have...

You know, it's maybe an answer to my prayers, you know.

What's wrong, man?

I'm a nice girl, who comes from a good family,

so maybe somebody has heard my prayers and...

This agent has taken...

You know, God has taken the form of the agent, so...

Um, he brought me to this apartment. I loved it instantly.

I decided this is where I'm living.

Uh...

Because the sunrise is... It's the east... What?

You know, it's facing east.

Yeah. Sorry.

I'm happy living alone.

I'm sorry.

You know, my mother wanted me to do an MBA and, uh...

Get a nice decent job at a decent, you know, a nice MNC, at an MNC.

And, you know, do a nice, uh, job, and live a good life.

"Okay, you don't wanna get married,

but at least...

have a decent life."

You know, I mean, this is decent, she doesn't mean...

Had it not been decent for her,

she wouldn't let me be in Bombay for a good ten years and do what I like.

But it's tough,

you can't share what shit you're going through and...

Because they'll get worried, and they're getting older.

You're not getting younger anymore.

So...

You have to take care of your own responsibility

because what I'm doing is what I want to do.

And then, uh, asking for help...

You know, it's not right.

This is what I'm called for.

In the entertainment, entertainment industry,

they have a lot of problems taking places.

Uh...

Cine artists, television stars, and all that, they get a lot of problems.

Some people don't even want to interview them.

They straightaway say, "No, we are not giving the place to them."

But, otherwise, if you're working for a corporation,

they ask for what you call a letter from the corporation,

or the appointment letter that came from the corporation,

saying that this one is working away.

It's easy enough.

So when I started working in a very good company,

in a very good organization,

and with a good pay packet,

I was thinking that it would be easy for me to get a house.

In spite of having said that I came from a banking background,

and I am a South Indian,

so it's like a sum total of all conservatism coming together,

they were still not okay with that, you know.

They were not okay to give the house to me.

So then I just gave up, I said,

"I probably wanna move back to Bangalore because it isn't working for me."

I almost cried in front of my senior,

'cause it was just not happening.

In a day, I have to go ask permission at work

and go house-hunting for two, three houses.

And after all that, I'd feel so dejected at the end of the day.

And for six, seven months, I guess it was a really long period

that I wouldn't...

It can't be said that I didn't search, and I didn't find, and then I gave up.

Like I said, that's when I went and spoke to my senior,

and, um, he was good enough and he was great, in fact,

that he put in one of his brokers and gave the recommendation

saying that, "She is working with our bank and she knows...

I've known her for so many years and..."

Almost like a character certificate...

about me.

I was... I felt like I was a beggar,

wherein I had to ask my HR manager to help me.

In fact, even my boss.

When the news also reached my boss,

that I was hunting for a house and I was feeling very low and depressed.

This especially happened when I didn't get that house

of that couple who was going to Dubai.

I really liked that house.

Till today, I feel like I miss that house.

But I couldn't do anything about it, and you know...

You know, I think, over a period of eight, nine years,

I think I have become so conditioned to the fact

that I need somebody to stamp it on me,

that, "No, I'm a good person."

I think I've become conditioned to it.

So much,

that I don't feel proud of it,

that, "No. How dare you say something like this about me?

What do you mean when you said that, 'You are not married, or whatever?'

How dare you? No." Now, naturally, it comes to me.

"Yeah, yeah.

Do you want to speak to my boss?

Do you want to speak to my HR manager?

Do you want to speak to my father?"

I have, till today, if I have changed five, six houses,

not even once, have I got a house on my own credibility.

I always had to take help either from my father,

I had always taken his help.

In one case, I also had to take help from my...

company bosses.

It was real harassment, in that sense, initially, to move.

Like I said, if my senior hadn't played a role,

I don't think I would be staying in this house, for sure.

What is the problem?

You're afraid of me having sex with other people?

Yes.

It's not your... It doesn't affect you in any way, whatsoever.

That because if I'm single, independent,

I might be having sex without being married.

Ooh, my god. That's really bad.

You know, this is basically the bottom line of the problem.

So if, uh, I'm bringing in a partner for whatever reasons,

I might just be a lesbian for all you know.

I might just be bringing in girls

and, you know, having sex with them inside.

How... How does it matter to you?

Sex is a bit like...

You know, that coke can

which has just been shaking, shaking, shaking,

and then it'll just explode.

And we'll just be having sex with everybody, if we get the chance.

Um, marriage is that chance.

Within the frames of marriage, go nuts.

Uh, outside marriage,

Oh, my god. We will have illegitimate children and fallen women

and I don't know what else.

and this is something I do find funny.

A country of more than a billion people and we like to pretend no one has sex.

Unfortunately, for us,

this horrible lady was staying in the flat opposite ours.

Then, I remember on my birthday,

I had a party, a get-together at home, and she actually called my landlord

and told him that we were doing something funny in the house,

and that he should come to us,

otherwise, she was going to call the police.

And at ten o'clock in the evening,

uh, 10:30, my landlord came with my brokers,

rang the doorbell and said,

"What's going on here? You have to vacate the house.

Immediately."

And I was like, "Vacate the house?"

And I was, like, with my 15 guests, so I was not only humiliated,

but extremely embarrassed in front of my friends.

And they started talking about all kinds of things.

You know? Like, things, like...

"These girls are of a different type."

They started sending notices to me.

"Leave this. Single women are not allowed. You're not allowed."

We're not allowed.

They were not allowing my dogs in the lift.

I fought.

I said, "Why?

Why are dogs not allowed in the lift? Show me the rules and regulations. Show me..."

I started talking like that.

I went to the media.

The newspaper journalists write both sides of the story, right?

I had my side of the story.

My side of the story was very clean.

But I am a single woman,

and the society is putting restrictions on me.

They said that...

Uh, that my house was a brothel.

Obviously, that's why we all come to Bombay.

That's why all single women come to Bombay, to set up brothels.

So, this lady,

told me the next day that,

"There's a reason why I do these things.

I don't want this house to be converted into a brothel house."

I think they have this whole thing that if a woman is alone,

she's probably into some racket or something.

When I read that in the papers, huh,

I was like, "This is it.

When you call my house a fucking brothel, who am I?

You are calling names to someone's mother, someone's daughter."

They don't feel anything.

What kind of upbringing do they have?

I mean, this is literally...

"Don't you have a mother or a sister in your house?"

It's literally like that.

This is a total criminal defamation case because they have defamed me.

They called me, uh, you know, a brothel-running woman.

To be called a whore to your face by a group of five, six elder people

without having done anything to deserve that,

even when you speak nicely to people,

uh, even when you behave yourself pretty normal,

and even when you're paying, from your own pocket,

a huge amount of money to live with these people,

it's a pretty traumatic experience.

Believe me.

But it's very sad, I mean, how this thing has affected me,

my work and my lifestyle also, and everything.

And then every time, whenever I meet people,

they are like, "Oh, how did it happen?"

I can't sit down and justify every time, you know.

I think it's our duty as women from this generation

to talk about what is it that we are.

I TOO CAN RISE, I JUST NEED A CHANCE.

There is no rootlessness,

uh, in people like me, and, you know, the other people I know.

There is no sense of lack of or loss of identity.

I know who I am. I know where I came from.

And that's what most women,

who grew up in cities, in our country today, are doing.

And that's what this tier two, tier three city women are aspiring to be.

That's the life they want.

And I think somebody's got to put a mirror to that.

It's about creating that space,

it's about constantly fighting for that space,

and making it heard that this also is part of the society

that you live in.

We are part of the same culture,

and our voice is as important as yours.

So then I went to this society meeting,

and I think that's when it struck me that...

there is something really weird.

Because then, these people were like, you know,

"You're single and you have to leave and this..."

Uh, so my lease was obviously renewed at... with the registrar and everything, and they were like,

"It doesn't matter, or whatever. You can't live here."

And all of that.

I think a few weeks later,

they sent me a notice saying that,

"You have to vacate the house in 24 hours, otherwise, we will use any means...

that we like to get you out of the house."

And then I tried to call the guy

who is the president of the housing society.

He actually told me, "I don't know why you're calling me,

and why you want to have a fight with me. You don't know who I am."

It was a very weird way of threatening me.

So until then, of course, my landlord was completely supporting me,

and he had not given me a notice.

And the day he came to meet me

to tell me, "I think I might have to give you a notice."

It was when I spoke to him and told him that,

"I'm the one who's single.

I'm the one who's a woman, and I'm the one who lives here alone.

So the one who... I'm the one who's really in danger or under threat.

So if I'm not feeling scared, then why should you be scared?"

And I think that's when I really felt that I have to hold my ground.

I can't let people just push me around.

And after that,

they started this thing of not letting my maid come up.

Since the maid wasn't coming, there was no food in my house.

So, no groceries.

I ordered food from a restaurant,

they didn't let that guy come and deliver food.

And then slowly, slowly, what happened in our lift,

you know, they would mention, uh, our house number.

They would write some rubbish.

"The girl staying in this house is some rubbish."

Someone would ring the bell, suddenly, in the house,

but when we open the door, there would be no one.

In the middle of the night, the intercom phone would start ringing,

and when I would pick up the phone,

nobody would answer or nothing.

It was just awful. I really felt like...

as... like I'm in some kind of a prison camp, or whatever.

And I really felt that everything they were doing was completely unlawful.

No god will consider this a humane act.

And no philosophy will ever say

that you should, uh, you know, you should...

actually punish people because they're not married.

And therefore, they...

You're trying to ensure that they don't have food and water.

And then after that,

I decided that I'm just not going back into that building.

So, eventually, we decided to move out of that place.

Because we were getting very harrowed with the constant ringing of the bell,

and we have nobody we can complain to because if you tell the society,

they would start blaming us.

After that, they really harassed my landlord.

He has had to pay...

I think, Rs 160,000 or Rs 200,000, under the table as a bribe to these guys.

Because they threatened to cancel his membership of the society.

Like, I feel my landlord really tried hard to fight for me.

And he's really... And I don't think he'll ever, ever give the house

to another single girl ever again.

So I feel that even when someone tries to stand up,

and say it's kind of unfair,

that person will only be left feeling extremely disillusioned.

Sometimes, what happens is that the moment a single woman turns up,

even if she's buying a house,

the society is always afraid

that she's going to have a lot of time in her hands to fight with us,

or we don't know who she's meeting outside.

She is educated and has an understanding of the law as well,

therefore, she is a hurdle for us.

You can see this kind of thinking in our society.

So they say that, "If she's a hurdle for us, and is a problem for us,

then why don't we just get rid of her?"

In a society,

when you're strong, they get the biggest kick.

What they're trying to do is to try to break you down.

They cannot handle a strong woman.

People are intimidated by me, even in my own industry.

I'm not very well-liked.

Except for some people who, uh, respect me for it.

If you speak up in the annual general meeting

or talk about the law in a society,

if you show them your understanding of the law,

then people begin to say, "What does she think of herself?

She is trying to teach us the law because she can read and write."

Uh, if you are fairly well-informed about your subject,

if your integrity is in place,

you want to do the right thing, you're creative, you're passionate,

this is the price that you have to pay.

So it's a very, uh, sorry state of affairs

in today's day and age

that, uh, I am now 35 years old.

I mean, it's so stupid, right? That just because I'm not married for some reason, even if I'm a regular law-abiding,

tax-paying, uh, rent-paying citizen of the country,

I cannot rent an apartment

because I don't have a husband.

And I think it's completely sexist

and very misogynistic.

And the fact that they think it's okay,

they can put up on their notice boards, "Single women are a nuisance.

We should get rid of them."

In my point of view,

when we look at our culture and traditions,

I feel as if they have been destroyed.

This is my personal opinion.

Girls and boys of today's generation, I've seen them in many places.

Initially, in one of our places,

some kind of things were going on.

If boys and girls get together and drink,

then where is our culture headed?

Staying out too late at night, at 12:00 a.m. and 1:00 a.m.?

Okay, we agree that girls have to come home late.

But this is not our culture.

So all of us must unite in order to save our culture.

If there's something wrong,

we have to diminish it, we have to eradicate it.

That's what we should do, right?

Everywhere in the world today,

people prefer housing societies.

In India too, people prefer being a part of housing societies.

The majority vote will only count in a housing society.

Whatever they say will happen. What I say alone has no weight.

We have so many housing societies in Maharashtra.

Every housing society cannot make its own bylaws

because it doesn't have the credibility.

So the registrar, like us,

has made a model of bylaws for all classes of housing societies.

Societies are governed by modern bylaws,

and we have to adopt them,

or we have the choice of not adopting them.

A housing committee has full right to make its own rules

apart from the bylaws.

Our bylaws are very understandable. It was never mentioned that you can make your own rules.

It's clearly written? - Yes.

That you cannot refuse a house...

- Yes, yes. And every society has...

The conditions to rent a house are clearly written

for the housing societies to follow.

If you fulfill these conditions, you can rent out to anybody.

It's not mentioned anywhere

that you cannot rent out a house to a bachelor,

or object to vegetarians or nonvegetarians.

Unfortunately,

the cooperative laws...

are toothless.

They are not effective in controlling

the irregularities going on in the cooperative housing societies.

Today, what's happening is the registrar is not taken seriously at all

by any secretary or chairman or anybody.

I have incidences

where the deputy registrars' orders are just put down the drain.

The thing is that, this aspect, discrimination, is unwritten.

No one gives this in writing.

But when you look for a house, you won't find one.

They will just tell you that there are no houses available.

There are resolutions passed in general body meetings.

I can give you... I have already given you.

I've already given you, they're published in the newspapers.

I'm surprised that the registrar, people from the registrars,

they say that they are not aware of such complaints.

Either they are not reading the newspapers, or...

they are just ignoring them.

These are not issues with only legal solutions.

Many solutions are even psychological.

If you think that you don't want to give your house to a bachelor,

then no order is going to work.

We can't force anybody. This is how things are.

If the DR, DDR, DGR cannot help you on illegal resolutions,

then what exactly is their job?

Fundamental Rights under the constitution,

to give a flat and let it be rented by a member of the society

is a fundamental right.

And even under the bylaws of the society, it is permitted.

Under Co-operative Societies Act, it is permitted.

You... This will be an ab initio illegal...

Illegal resolution to pass

because there'll be a disparity, a distinction between members and members,

between aegis and aegis, between people and people,

and such disparity, such distinction, and I would say such a victimization,

would not be allowed by the law, absolutely not.

In fact, I got this case from Andheri

where, uh, they passed a resolution by a society,

saying that bachelors, spinsters, as I already referred,

and foreigners will not be allowed.

And we challenged it in the consumer court,

and while arguing the matter,

I said, "You can't put the standards of age

to all spinsters, bachelors, and foreigners.

Otherwise, Mayawati, Atal Bihari Vajpayee, and maybe Narendra Modi,

and even if you go to that extent, uh, at any age, spinsters and bachelors,

including Russi Mody at that time will not get a place in Bombay.

I am even surprised by the fact

that they ask us to get a verification done by the police department.

This means all your information is with the police.

There's no need to give an interview to the society.

Why should you?

If you are an Indian citizen, then you have everything on record here.

The police have a record of your biodata.

That biodata does not mean that the police will verify your character,

but if it's with the police,

then as an Indian citizen, you can live anywhere.

When the laws are directly violated,

either under CRPC or under any other law of the state,

yes, societies can take action,

like, when I give you an immoral activity run in a society.

They can.

But there are bars in the society,

there are liquor shops in the society...

to which nobody is objecting.

Why are the girls wearing dresses the only ones being objected?

This is... This, I think, is nothing but a mentality.

They said, "No, we only want peace-loving married people."

But what...

What happens if those who are married are doing immoral activities?

They just want to become society chairman

or secretary and harass people.

The society chairman with the secretary is like a harassment department,

or harassment administration.

It's no longer an honorable or prestigious job,

being a secretary of a housing society.

Not anymore.

They'll ask Rs 10,000 for shifting and Rs 2,500 for something else.

And if you're able to pay under the table,

then you won't need to undergo the interviewing process.

If the agent obliges,

I can take you to several numbers of societies

where you can just pay money, so you won't have to be interviewed.

All formalities are cleared, everything's okay, and you can now stay.

You can assume that there is an angle of manipulation.

There is an angle of corruption as well.

If you are an agent who has a good relationship

with the chairman or the secretary, then you can manage things internally.

So, in such cases, can you get accommodation for bachelors?

I certainly can.

We are seeing an urbanized, very organized way of ghettoization.

So I feel that as we are, so-called, developing,

we are becoming more and more narrow in our society.

And acceptance is slowly fading from the society, like...

Now, especially, if you're from outside, then it becomes really difficult.

And the...

It has become so obvious. It is almost like a matrimonial column.

When you approach a broker, or when you go anywhere,

you are told that you won't find a place in this particular area.

So, actually, finding a house is almost like finding a partner

in the matrimonial column,

like you have caste wise and a class wise and gender wise

discrimination throughout. What does a woman want?

She wants a place where she is safe,

she can come home at the end of the day,

and live there.

But that is also being refused.

And, you know, if this, uh, facility is not provided,

then they would be forced to go into societies

where there is no security

because there are some societies where everybody is allowed,

and there is no control over who comes, who goes.

So what we are doing, by creating such rules,

is actually driving those women

to such societies. So what you have to do,

you have to probably go for buildings which are gonna go for renovation,

or which are just breaking down.

So these are what we call SRA scheme houses.

Uh, they're hellish, they are hellholes.

They're... I don't know how the other writers

and the guys live there.

I just would like to curl up and die.

It's just... There is no... It's filthy outside, it's filthy inside.

There is... Whatever little iron, anything that's metallic is rusting.

Uh, there are betel nut spits everywhere.

There is, uh... There are all kinds of garbage,

medical garbage, just lying around and, uh...

If you take one look at it,

it's like, either the building is breaking down,

or something bad will happen to you.

For women, it didn't look safe at all.

I know that my watchman knows I'm alone.

I know that the grocery guys know I'm alone.

Um...

You read stuff in the papers every day.

I mean, you just have to be, I guess, careful and cautious.

But I hate that too,

the fact that you're coming home and you have to be cautious.

I mean, it's your house, right? You should be safe in your own house.

Because that's her problem.

She's single, she's on her own,

she's made this decision to live on her own,

away from family,

with a boyfriend or without a boyfriend, whatever it is,

on her head be it.

The tenant doesn't have any choice of asking their owners

or the secretary of the society about...

uh, what kind of security...

I don't think I was in any position to demand at all.

I was just told,

the fact that I was just praying to God that I get the house,

and there was absolutely no ambiguity in my mind about...

you know, "Do I care to ask? Am I safe here?" No way.

I mean, you better be lucky to be safe for yourself, but...

I don't think I could have asked any questions.

In anticipation of not getting the house, I quietly didn't ask anything.

But it should have been, ideally, the other way around,

where I should have felt more secured

about staying in a society, but...

Since one is so desperate to get a house,

you kind of forego that option of asking.

You can't have any sort of conversations with people who have just decided

that single women are dangerous.

Like it's just... You can't, you know.

And you can't question them.

They don't want to be questioned at all.

So I find it very difficult, for a tenant, to access

this kind of a conversation to start with.

If I say something,

it can be taken up to the registrar.

No. How can tenants go to the registrar?

They are not the owners.

So, the tenant cannot directly approach

the registrar with a complaint?

No. They can't approach the registrar.

It can be taken up in a cooperative court. It can be taken up in a consumer court.

See, as far as I am concerned,

I'm really not aware of an association or a legal body or an organization

that fights for the rights of the tenants.

Tenants have... As such tenants have certain rights and...

No rights, let us put it that way.

There is no definition.

That, okay, these are the rights of the tenants.

That's my point. - Mm-hm.

If you are given some rights,

at least you can challenge that within the society...

I fully agree with you that every tenant must have equal rights.

They should be allowed to go to the meetings,

they should be allowed to talk about their grievances,

but, unfortunately, the law does not permit.

Only criminal cases can be made.

But that does not give me a right.

The way this, you know,

economic and social issues are running, I think there is too much...

There is just too much, um...

unfairness.

There's too much corruption and...

not enough laws being implemented.

We're afraid of power. We're afraid of politics.

We're even afraid of cops.

Most people don't go to cops because they are afraid of cops.

We're not... We don't have a system that protects us.

The idea of not being able to find a home

in a world city, which is what Bombay is today,

uh, that is a shocking idea to most people, right?

Not being able to find a home in a world city

because of your gender is doubly scary.

The city does boast about being a safe place for women

compared to other cities, and it's true.

To a huge extent, it is true.

But the amount of mental trauma and harassment that people,

that women have to go through just because they are single,

indoors as opposed to outdoors, it's such an irony.

Because, I mean, um...

where does that lead, firstly, the people who are not married,

secondly, people who make a choice to not get married?

Does that mean that they will never be able to live somewhere?

Today, some...

A lady may be working in a city in Bombay for three years,

then she gets transferred to Chennai,

then she gets promoted and goes somewhere,

or she keeps traveling for projects, you know?

So, unless the accommodation is guaranteed,

how does it empower her to do all these things?

Even today, our society is rejecting educated girls,

educated women, daughters, daughter-in-law, officers or whoever.

Okay, we can say that there's a chance for 40% of women,

but 60% are still getting rejected.

They need a brain surgery

or a brain transplant.

These are the only ways to fix those people.

Or you slap them with a notice.

A legal notice because a legal notice will bring them back on track.

But at least, they know who they dare to challenge.

Forget me, they won't challenge anyone. Their next ten generations won't dare.

Once it's understood that you cannot get married anymore,

that even if you wanted to, it will not happen, maybe your parents couldn't make it happen for you,

then I think people will leave you alone.

At least, I...

I hope so.