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1
00:00:03,705 --> 00:00:07,937
Who do you thInk you are kIddIng, Mr HItler
2
00:00:08,025 --> 00:00:12,098
If you thInk we're on the run?
3
00:00:13,185 --> 00:00:17,815
We are the boys who wIll stop your lIttle game
4
00:00:18,185 --> 00:00:22,576
We are the boys who wIll make you thInk agaIn
5
00:00:22,745 --> 00:00:27,535
'Cause who do you thInkyou are kIddIng, Mr HItler
6
00:00:27,705 --> 00:00:31,983
If you thInk old England's done?
7
00:00:32,545 --> 00:00:37,175
Mr Brown goes off to town on the 8..2 1
8
00:00:37,345 --> 00:00:41,941
But he comes home each evenIngand he's ready wIth hIs gun
9
00:00:42,185 --> 00:00:46,975
So who do you thInk you are kIddIng, Mr HItler
10
00:00:47,385 --> 00:00:50,741
If you thInk old England's done?
11
00:00:55,865 --> 00:00:58,174
Oh, hello, Mr Godfrey.
12
00:00:58,785 --> 00:01:01,538
You remember me? I'm Mrs Fox.
13
00:01:01,625 --> 00:01:04,935
Oh, yes. Of course. Can I do anything for you?
14
00:01:05,025 --> 00:01:07,493
Well, I wanted to have a word with Mr Jones.
15
00:01:07,585 --> 00:01:11,294
They've gone for a march round the town.
I'm afraid he'll be some little time yet.
16
00:01:11,385 --> 00:01:14,457
Oh, well, I promised to phone him at 8:00.
17
00:01:14,785 --> 00:01:17,936
But as I was passing
I thought I'd put him out of his misery.
18
00:01:18,225 --> 00:01:20,659
Never mind. I'll phone as promised.
19
00:01:21,145 --> 00:01:22,498
-Bye.
-Bye.
20
00:01:23,345 --> 00:01:27,782
Left, left, left, right, left, left.
21
00:01:28,465 --> 00:01:30,342
Right wheel.
22
00:01:31,305 --> 00:01:32,624
Platoon, halt!
23
00:01:35,025 --> 00:01:36,140
Left turn.
24
00:01:37,505 --> 00:01:39,541
Order arms.
25
00:01:41,505 --> 00:01:43,780
Stand at ease.
26
00:01:45,065 --> 00:01:46,384
Where's Corporal Jones?
27
00:01:46,465 --> 00:01:48,376
-Excuse me, Mr Mainwaring.
-Yes.
28
00:01:48,945 --> 00:01:52,620
Remember when we came into the high street
and you said right wheel?
29
00:01:55,985 --> 00:01:57,054
He didn't.
30
00:01:59,585 --> 00:02:02,736
He walked straight on with a silly grin on his face.
31
00:02:04,425 --> 00:02:05,904
-Did you notice this?
-Yes, I did, sir.
32
00:02:05,985 --> 00:02:07,737
-Why didn't you tell me?
-Well, I didn't want to upset you.
33
00:02:07,825 --> 00:02:08,940
Upset me?
34
00:02:09,025 --> 00:02:12,495
Left, right, left, right, left, right, left, right.
35
00:02:12,665 --> 00:02:15,896
Right wheel. Left, right, left. Halt!
36
00:02:16,985 --> 00:02:18,054
Left turn!
37
00:02:19,385 --> 00:02:20,898
Order arms!
38
00:02:23,825 --> 00:02:25,417
Stand at ease!
39
00:02:25,985 --> 00:02:27,054
Evening.
40
00:02:29,705 --> 00:02:33,175
-Where have you been, Corporal?
-I saw a little throstle bird, sir.
41
00:02:33,265 --> 00:02:37,861
And I said to meself, ''What a pretty throstle.
Isn't life wonderful?''
42
00:02:37,945 --> 00:02:41,062
And when I looked round
you'd all gone and left me, Captain Mainwaring.
43
00:02:41,145 --> 00:02:44,774
My mind's usually full of warlike things, not birds.
Fall out.
44
00:02:45,705 --> 00:02:49,380
-Come and see me in the office, would you?
-Yes, of course, sir. Yes, yes.
45
00:02:52,465 --> 00:02:57,380
-I'm getting worried about Jones. Woolly-headed.
-Yes. I had noticed, sir.
46
00:02:59,705 --> 00:03:02,219
If he doesn't improve, I shall have to replace him.
47
00:03:02,305 --> 00:03:05,661
I can't be expected to face a Nazi invasion
with a woolly-headed corporal.
48
00:03:05,745 --> 00:03:06,894
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
49
00:03:06,985 --> 00:03:07,974
Come in.
50
00:03:09,265 --> 00:03:12,780
-Ah, it's you, Jones. I was going to send for you.
-Yes, sir.
51
00:03:12,905 --> 00:03:16,136
Permission to have a heart-to-heart,
man-to-man talk, sir?
52
00:03:16,745 --> 00:03:19,020
Yes, of course. Come in and sit down.
53
00:03:19,105 --> 00:03:22,017
All right, Jonesy. You sit down here.
There you are. Have a seat.
54
00:03:25,865 --> 00:03:28,060
-Can I start?
-Yes, of course.
55
00:03:28,665 --> 00:03:31,543
Have you noticed the spring in my step,
Captain Mainwaring?
56
00:03:31,625 --> 00:03:33,422
I'd hardly describe it as that.
57
00:03:33,505 --> 00:03:37,464
What about you, Mr Wilson?
Do you see a glint or a gleam in my eye?
58
00:03:37,545 --> 00:03:41,299
Well, now that you come to mention it, Jonesy,
you do look a little bit different.
59
00:03:41,945 --> 00:03:44,379
I have fallen in love, Captain Mainwaring.
60
00:03:45,465 --> 00:03:46,898
With a woman.
61
00:03:49,505 --> 00:03:50,654
I see.
62
00:03:50,745 --> 00:03:54,818
Sir, I have the honour
to ask your permission to get married.
63
00:03:55,505 --> 00:03:59,293
-Well, it's really nothing to do with me, Jones.
-Oh, don't say that, Captain Mainwaring.
64
00:03:59,385 --> 00:04:02,422
You're my commanding officer
and my very help in trouble.
65
00:04:02,505 --> 00:04:04,939
Yes, but you're not in any trouble are you, Jonesy?
66
00:04:05,025 --> 00:04:06,856
Oh, no, no, no.
67
00:04:07,025 --> 00:04:11,621
You see, Jones, you're technically a civilian
and free to marry when and whom you like.
68
00:04:11,705 --> 00:04:14,583
But do you give me your permission,
Captain Mainwaring?
69
00:04:15,225 --> 00:04:19,013
-Oh, very well. If you want it, yes. Yes, all right.
-Oh, bless you, sir.
70
00:04:19,105 --> 00:04:21,096
I knew you wouldn't let me down.
71
00:04:21,185 --> 00:04:23,301
He's a lovely man, isn't he?
72
00:04:23,465 --> 00:04:24,978
Who is the lady in question?
73
00:04:27,545 --> 00:04:28,739
Mrs Fox.
74
00:04:28,825 --> 00:04:30,178
Quite sure that you're in love with her?
75
00:04:30,265 --> 00:04:31,744
I'm besotted with her.
76
00:04:32,585 --> 00:04:34,177
That's not quite the same thing.
77
00:04:35,025 --> 00:04:40,053
I see her face everywhere I go.
I see it in the trees, in the hills.
78
00:04:40,545 --> 00:04:42,661
I even saw it yesterday on the gasworks.
79
00:04:44,505 --> 00:04:47,383
And every morning I see it
on the pillow beside me.
80
00:04:47,945 --> 00:04:50,698
Not really on the pillow.
You didn't think that, did you?
81
00:04:51,545 --> 00:04:55,140
And everywhere I glance, there she is,
like a will-o'-the-wasp.
82
00:04:57,105 --> 00:05:02,737
-You're quite sure this isn't just a passing fancy?
-Oh, no. It's definitely not a passing fancy.
83
00:05:02,945 --> 00:05:04,981
I've fancied her for 1 7 years.
84
00:05:05,065 --> 00:05:08,421
Jonesy, are you absolutely sure
that you want to marry her?
85
00:05:08,505 --> 00:05:11,781
No, sir, no. I'm tortured by self-doubt.
86
00:05:12,425 --> 00:05:14,575
I'm only a humble butcher, you know.
87
00:05:14,785 --> 00:05:19,301
Is it true affection she feels for me?
Does she love me for myself?
88
00:05:19,785 --> 00:05:21,855
Or does she love me for my meat?
89
00:05:29,105 --> 00:05:32,097
-When were you planning to get married?
-Well, I don't know if she'll have me.
90
00:05:32,185 --> 00:05:35,336
-Well, you mean you haven't asked her yet?
-Oh, yes. I've asked her.
91
00:05:35,625 --> 00:05:37,741
I've even offered her an ultimatum.
92
00:05:39,185 --> 00:05:42,382
She's supposed to telephone me up
at 8:00 with the answer.
93
00:05:43,065 --> 00:05:46,216
Can I sit by the phone, sir?
Let me sit next to the phone, sir.
94
00:05:46,305 --> 00:05:48,819
No, I'm sorry, you can't.
I can't have you sitting next to me.
95
00:05:48,905 --> 00:05:51,294
Look here, Jonesy.
Why don't you wait outside in the hall?
96
00:05:51,385 --> 00:05:53,580
And then when she calls
we'll come and fetch you, all right?
97
00:05:53,665 --> 00:05:58,136
Oh, Mr Wilson. What would I do
without your compromising suggestions?
98
00:05:59,825 --> 00:06:03,704
Well, sir, I shall be waiting on tenterhooks, sir.
Thank you, sir.
99
00:06:04,225 --> 00:06:05,544
Thank you, sir.
100
00:06:09,985 --> 00:06:12,818
Dear, oh, dear.
He's really got it badly, hasn't he, sir?
101
00:06:12,945 --> 00:06:14,173
Here he is.
102
00:06:15,625 --> 00:06:17,741
-What did he say?
-He said yes.
103
00:06:17,865 --> 00:06:21,062
He's a lovely man. He really is a lovely man.
104
00:06:21,625 --> 00:06:23,661
You nay have asked him.
105
00:06:24,105 --> 00:06:26,938
Mrs Fox is a fine, big widow woman.
106
00:06:27,025 --> 00:06:30,142
You should have taken her
and hang the consequences.
107
00:06:30,505 --> 00:06:32,860
Oh, I don't think there'd be any consequences.
108
00:06:34,225 --> 00:06:37,137
By the way, she called in
just before you came back.
109
00:06:37,385 --> 00:06:39,535
She called in? What did she say?
What did she say?
110
00:06:39,625 --> 00:06:42,822
She said, as she was passing,
she'd put you out of your misery.
111
00:06:43,105 --> 00:06:45,938
Put me out of me misery?
Well, what does that mean?
112
00:06:46,905 --> 00:06:49,703
They do it to dumb animals
when they're past hope.
113
00:06:51,665 --> 00:06:55,624
She's going to ring at 8:00.
I think it's going to be all right.
114
00:06:55,945 --> 00:06:57,617
Exciting, isn't it?
115
00:06:57,705 --> 00:07:00,777
Can I come to your bachelor party
the night before the wedding, Mr Jones?
116
00:07:00,865 --> 00:07:03,584
Of course you can, Pikey. You can all come.
117
00:07:03,665 --> 00:07:05,542
Be a lot of bachelors there, won't there?
118
00:07:05,625 --> 00:07:09,095
I mean, Mr Godfrey's a bachelor, I'm a bachelor,
Mr Frazer's a bachelor.
119
00:07:09,185 --> 00:07:12,780
Yeah. But Mr Frazer hasn't always
been a bachelor, have you, Mr Frazer?
120
00:07:12,865 --> 00:07:13,854
(LAUGHING SCORNFULLY)
121
00:07:13,945 --> 00:07:15,776
Aye, I have indeed.
122
00:07:15,865 --> 00:07:20,177
Mind you, I've never been wanting a lassie.
123
00:07:23,905 --> 00:07:28,581
Well, tell me, have you ever asked one of them
and then she phoned up later and said no?
124
00:07:29,945 --> 00:07:33,415
As a matter of fact she said yes.
For a while anyway.
125
00:07:34,345 --> 00:07:37,701
Aye, man. She was a fine lassie.
126
00:07:39,185 --> 00:07:43,303
She had long, sturdy legs.
127
00:07:43,665 --> 00:07:48,864
And she loved to tread the path by the high cliff
128
00:07:49,985 --> 00:07:54,422
with the night wind blowing through her tresses.
129
00:07:57,025 --> 00:07:58,174
One night...
130
00:07:59,425 --> 00:08:00,619
she never came back.
131
00:08:04,425 --> 00:08:07,223
It seemed she was blown over the cliff
132
00:08:10,265 --> 00:08:12,221
and carried out to sea.
133
00:08:13,225 --> 00:08:17,696
Every night I stood on that very cliff...
134
00:08:18,505 --> 00:08:19,779
and shouted,
135
00:08:21,945 --> 00:08:28,180
''Jessie! Jessie, will you no come back to me?''
136
00:08:29,425 --> 00:08:34,453
But the wind just blew the words back in my face.
137
00:08:35,225 --> 00:08:38,456
They mocked me. Mocked me, do you hear?
138
00:08:40,185 --> 00:08:44,178
Many years after, I received a letter.
139
00:08:44,745 --> 00:08:46,144
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
140
00:08:46,985 --> 00:08:48,259
It...
141
00:08:49,265 --> 00:08:54,385
I was sure that it was... Contained news of her.
142
00:08:56,625 --> 00:08:59,298
My fingers shook as I opened it.
143
00:09:01,185 --> 00:09:06,179
Aye, son. I still carry it here next to my heart.
144
00:09:06,425 --> 00:09:08,017
Your heart's on the other side.
145
00:09:08,625 --> 00:09:09,978
Be quiet.
146
00:09:10,425 --> 00:09:14,703
''Dear James, I shall always love you.
I still wear your ring.
147
00:09:15,545 --> 00:09:20,255
''I'm in Singapore and I want to come home
and be wed.
148
00:09:21,465 --> 00:09:23,581
''Please send ?40.
149
00:09:25,865 --> 00:09:30,017
''Yours forever, Jessie.''
150
00:09:32,105 --> 00:09:34,255
Did you send it, Mr Frazer?
151
00:09:35,185 --> 00:09:37,540
Away with you, boy.
Do you think I'm made of money?
152
00:09:38,065 --> 00:09:39,214
(PHONE RINGING)
153
00:09:39,305 --> 00:09:43,093
There's the telephone. There's the telephone.
Don't panic. Don't panic. There's the telephone.
154
00:09:43,185 --> 00:09:46,541
-Go and answer it.
-It's Mrs Fox. It's for me. It's Mrs Fox.
155
00:09:48,705 --> 00:09:52,061
That's Mrs Fox. It's Mrs Fox.
156
00:09:52,385 --> 00:09:55,980
Hello, my darling. It's me.
Are you going to give me the answer?
157
00:09:56,065 --> 00:09:58,659
And don't keep me waiting
in suspense any longer.
158
00:09:58,745 --> 00:10:03,739
Because I love you and love you and love you.
And I want to be with you forever and ever.
159
00:10:05,625 --> 00:10:06,614
Oh.
160
00:10:08,625 --> 00:10:10,855
It's the Colonel for you, Captain Mainwaring.
161
00:10:16,105 --> 00:10:19,575
Hello, sir. Mainwaring here.
I'm sorry about that, sir.
162
00:10:19,705 --> 00:10:21,457
What'd she say? What happened?
163
00:10:21,905 --> 00:10:23,623
She turned you down?
164
00:10:23,945 --> 00:10:26,300
It wasn't her, but it will be in a minute.
165
00:10:26,385 --> 00:10:28,376
I wish he'd get off that phone.
166
00:10:29,625 --> 00:10:32,617
You going to be long on the phone,
Captain Mainwaring?
167
00:10:32,705 --> 00:10:35,583
-Get out, Jones.
-Very good, sir. Thank you very much, sir.
168
00:10:38,985 --> 00:10:42,455
Mrs Fox. She'll be phoning up in a minute,
and all she'll get is the engaged signal.
169
00:10:42,545 --> 00:10:43,660
(PHONE RINGING)
170
00:10:43,745 --> 00:10:45,497
There's the phone.
171
00:10:45,585 --> 00:10:48,019
I see. Yes, of course.
172
00:10:49,145 --> 00:10:51,454
Yes. Hold on a minute.
173
00:10:51,785 --> 00:10:54,822
Jones, I want you to keep very calm.
This is for you.
174
00:10:54,905 --> 00:10:56,304
Yes, sir. Yes, sir.
175
00:10:57,225 --> 00:10:59,978
Jack Jones... Jack Jones, the butcher.
176
00:11:00,865 --> 00:11:02,378
She wants me to sit down, sir.
177
00:11:02,465 --> 00:11:03,580
Give him a chair.
178
00:11:03,665 --> 00:11:06,133
All right, now. Sit down here, Jonesy.
Come on, sit down.
179
00:11:06,225 --> 00:11:08,420
Sit down and try not to get too worked up.
180
00:11:08,505 --> 00:11:10,257
Oh, thank you, Mr Wilson.
181
00:11:10,665 --> 00:11:13,816
He's a lovely man. He really is a lovely man.
182
00:11:13,905 --> 00:11:16,021
Yes, yes. The phone.
183
00:11:19,545 --> 00:11:21,581
I am now sitting down.
184
00:11:22,705 --> 00:11:23,774
Yes.
185
00:11:24,705 --> 00:11:25,899
Yes.
186
00:11:26,945 --> 00:11:28,094
Yes.
187
00:11:29,945 --> 00:11:32,061
Thank you for letting me know.
188
00:11:37,865 --> 00:11:41,335
I'm trying to keep calm, Captain Mainwaring.
I really am trying to keep calm.
189
00:11:41,425 --> 00:11:44,974
Now, never mind, Jonesy. Never mind.
You know, it's not the end of the world, you know.
190
00:11:45,065 --> 00:11:46,657
-She's a lovely woman, you know.
-Yes.
191
00:11:46,745 --> 00:11:48,622
She really is a lovely woman.
192
00:11:49,825 --> 00:11:52,897
It's no good. I can't keep calm. I'm gonna break.
193
00:11:53,105 --> 00:11:55,300
She said she loved me, you know.
194
00:11:56,185 --> 00:11:57,698
She said yes.
195
00:11:58,425 --> 00:12:01,735
I'm gonna marry Mrs Fox.
I'm gonna marry Mrs Fox.
196
00:12:01,945 --> 00:12:05,415
I'm gonna marry Mrs Fox.
I'm gonna marry Mrs Fox!
197
00:12:05,545 --> 00:12:07,263
(ALL CHATTERING EXCITEDLY)
198
00:12:11,185 --> 00:12:15,861
Yes. Very well, Mrs Fox.
I'll call round tomorrow evening. 6:00.
199
00:12:16,505 --> 00:12:17,620
Yes.
200
00:12:18,225 --> 00:12:20,534
And you can rest assured
that anything you say to me
201
00:12:20,625 --> 00:12:21,944
will be treated with the strictest confidence.
202
00:12:22,025 --> 00:12:23,094
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
203
00:12:23,185 --> 00:12:25,380
All right. Goodbye.
204
00:12:26,465 --> 00:12:28,933
-Come in. Oh, it's you, Wilson.
-Yes.
205
00:12:29,025 --> 00:12:31,016
-Are the men gone?
-Yes, sir. They have.
206
00:12:31,185 --> 00:12:32,857
Did you want them?
207
00:12:33,305 --> 00:12:35,773
No, I didn't.
But I did want to speak to you again about Jones.
208
00:12:35,865 --> 00:12:37,776
Yes. He is still rather excitable, isn't he?
209
00:12:37,865 --> 00:12:40,060
You'd have thought
he might have calmed down after a week.
210
00:12:40,145 --> 00:12:42,978
Do you think I'm doing the right thing
in letting him go ahead with this?
211
00:12:43,065 --> 00:12:45,260
Well, you have no authority to do anything else.
212
00:12:45,345 --> 00:12:48,178
On the other hand,
it may work out all right, you know.
213
00:12:48,785 --> 00:12:51,822
-After all, they're both the same class.
-Yes.
214
00:12:53,585 --> 00:12:58,136
-Do you really think class matters?
-Oh, no question. No question about it at all.
215
00:12:58,905 --> 00:13:01,135
It's families that make the trouble.
216
00:13:01,225 --> 00:13:04,979
I had to contend with all sorts of snobbish rubbish
when I married Elizabeth.
217
00:13:05,385 --> 00:13:08,661
Did you... Did you, as it were, marry beneath you?
218
00:13:09,025 --> 00:13:12,062
Oh, no, no.
No, the family rather thought that she did.
219
00:13:12,145 --> 00:13:13,134
Oh.
220
00:13:14,865 --> 00:13:17,174
She's very well connected, you know, Elizabeth.
221
00:13:17,425 --> 00:13:19,893
Her father was the suffragan bishop of Clagthorpe.
222
00:13:19,985 --> 00:13:21,304
Oh.
223
00:13:21,385 --> 00:13:24,934
-Was he really?
-Led a very sheltered life, you know, Elizabeth.
224
00:13:28,545 --> 00:13:29,739
Funny.
225
00:13:30,145 --> 00:13:34,900
Do you know she hadn't even tried tomato sauce
before she met me?
226
00:13:38,945 --> 00:13:40,617
I soon put that right.
227
00:13:41,665 --> 00:13:45,453
You know, marrying you must have opened up
a whole new world for her.
228
00:13:47,065 --> 00:13:49,056
Oh, yes, I think it did.
229
00:13:49,825 --> 00:13:54,023
But I never felt...
I never felt at ease with her parents, you know.
230
00:13:54,665 --> 00:13:57,737
Always got the impression
they were looking down their noses at me.
231
00:13:57,825 --> 00:14:00,180
This was even after
I'd become assistant manager.
232
00:14:00,265 --> 00:14:01,414
Weren't they impressed by that?
233
00:14:01,505 --> 00:14:02,494
(SCOFFING)
234
00:14:02,585 --> 00:14:05,338
Not a bit. It was quite a big branch, too, you know.
235
00:14:05,745 --> 00:14:07,701
I had my own partitioned cubicle.
236
00:14:08,985 --> 00:14:10,259
Did you?
237
00:14:10,345 --> 00:14:15,578
Still, Jones and Mrs Fox won't be bothered
with things like that, will they?
238
00:14:16,705 --> 00:14:19,060
Mrs Fox has asked me to go around and see her,
you know.
239
00:14:19,145 --> 00:14:22,103
If it's a question of advice,
I shall be noncommittal.
240
00:14:23,225 --> 00:14:27,059
-''Let no man put asunder,'' eh, Wilson?
-Yes, quite right, sir.
241
00:14:27,265 --> 00:14:30,541
Marriage falls asunder quite easily anyway,
doesn't it?
242
00:14:32,145 --> 00:14:34,101
Oh, no. Not in my case.
243
00:14:35,745 --> 00:14:38,054
I've had a very happy marriage.
244
00:14:39,785 --> 00:14:41,104
Very happy indeed.
245
00:14:44,545 --> 00:14:47,298
-That's all.
-All right. Good night, sir.
246
00:14:47,385 --> 00:14:49,376
-Good night.
-Good night.
247
00:14:51,905 --> 00:14:53,020
(DOORBELL RINGING)
248
00:14:53,505 --> 00:14:56,815
MRS FOX: Come in. It is open. Just give it a push.
249
00:15:04,465 --> 00:15:07,377
Mrs Fox? Mrs Fox!
250
00:15:09,265 --> 00:15:13,622
Oh, hello, Captain Mainwaring.
My goodness, it's not 6:00 already, is it?
251
00:15:15,065 --> 00:15:19,820
-6:02, to be precise.
-Oh, my clock's stopped again. I am sorry.
252
00:15:20,065 --> 00:15:23,137
Anyway, make yourself at home.
I won't be a second.
253
00:15:23,225 --> 00:15:24,578
I'll leave the door open,
254
00:15:24,665 --> 00:15:27,896
so we can keep on talking
while I'm getting dressed.
255
00:15:33,585 --> 00:15:38,022
-Look, I'll come back in five minutes.
-Oh, no, no, no. Please don't go.
256
00:15:38,105 --> 00:15:41,177
-I'm perfectly decent underneath.
-Oh, I'm quite sure you are.
257
00:15:41,945 --> 00:15:44,743
-Please sit down. Please.
-Oh, very well.
258
00:15:45,465 --> 00:15:46,614
There.
259
00:15:47,185 --> 00:15:50,257
I hope you don't mind coming to my little nest.
260
00:15:50,585 --> 00:15:53,224
It's humble, but it's all mine.
261
00:16:04,585 --> 00:16:08,624
I wanted a few moments alone
with you before the others arrive.
262
00:16:08,705 --> 00:16:09,979
The others? What others?
263
00:16:10,065 --> 00:16:11,134
(COUGHING)
264
00:16:11,225 --> 00:16:14,023
Oh, Mrs Pike and Mr Wilson.
265
00:16:15,105 --> 00:16:17,573
Oh, my goodness. I've got a catch.
266
00:16:17,905 --> 00:16:19,497
Do you think that'll run?
267
00:16:20,585 --> 00:16:22,416
I don't know, I'm sure.
268
00:16:23,265 --> 00:16:25,904
Would you mind awfully if I didn't put them on?
269
00:16:26,225 --> 00:16:27,578
Not in the least.
270
00:16:28,225 --> 00:16:31,661
Well, I think a lady...
I don't like to see a lady with bare legs.
271
00:16:31,745 --> 00:16:36,375
And, well, I think a ladder looks
even more abandoned, don't you?
272
00:16:38,225 --> 00:16:40,295
Yes. Yes, I'm sure you're right.
273
00:16:40,825 --> 00:16:45,057
-I expect you're wondering what's on my mind.
-Yes, I am.
274
00:16:46,985 --> 00:16:49,180
Well, you see, it's like this, Mr Mainwaring.
275
00:16:49,265 --> 00:16:53,816
I've always had what you might call
a soft spot for you.
276
00:16:54,385 --> 00:16:58,537
And I've had a very high regard for you as well.
Oh, dear.
277
00:16:58,865 --> 00:17:02,460
I'm not expressing myself very well, am I?
278
00:17:03,105 --> 00:17:05,903
Oh, Mr Mainwaring.
279
00:17:06,945 --> 00:17:07,980
Yes.
280
00:17:08,065 --> 00:17:10,818
You don't want me to beat about the bush,
do you?
281
00:17:12,305 --> 00:17:17,015
-Well, I'm not quite sure.
-Well, you see, I haven't got a father.
282
00:17:17,105 --> 00:17:20,142
In fact, I have no male relations whatsoever.
283
00:17:21,265 --> 00:17:24,575
-You wouldn't give me away, would you?
-Wouldn't I?
284
00:17:26,625 --> 00:17:29,901
-At the wedding.
-Oh, at the wedding. I see what you mean, yes.
285
00:17:29,985 --> 00:17:32,260
Well, yes, of course.
If you want... If you wish me to.
286
00:17:32,345 --> 00:17:36,020
Oh, Mr Mainwaring. Oh, you are a darling.
287
00:17:38,465 --> 00:17:42,094
Oh, you've no idea
what a weight that is off my mind.
288
00:17:42,225 --> 00:17:45,900
Look, I think I'll go and come back
when the others are due to arrive.
289
00:17:45,985 --> 00:17:47,384
MAVIS: Cooee!
290
00:17:47,465 --> 00:17:50,059
-MAVIS: Are you there?
-Oh, come in, Mrs Pike.
291
00:17:51,065 --> 00:17:53,738
Come along in, Arthur. Come in, Frank.
292
00:17:54,305 --> 00:17:56,182
-Good evening, Mrs Fox.
-Good evening.
293
00:17:56,265 --> 00:17:58,335
-Good evening, Mrs Fox.
-Oh, good evening, dear.
294
00:17:58,425 --> 00:18:01,258
Take your hat off, Frank. Where are your manners?
295
00:18:02,985 --> 00:18:07,501
-You're here early, Mr Mainwaring.
-No, no. No, I was punctual for my appointment.
296
00:18:07,585 --> 00:18:10,782
Mr Mainwaring practically caught me in the bath.
297
00:18:12,305 --> 00:18:14,455
That's somewhat of an exaggeration.
298
00:18:14,545 --> 00:18:16,740
I hope you don't mind me bringing Frank,
299
00:18:16,825 --> 00:18:19,976
but we don't like to leave him on his own
when there's a war on.
300
00:18:21,225 --> 00:18:23,978
-Do we, Arthur?
-Well, I don't know. Yes...
301
00:18:24,065 --> 00:18:27,819
Take your scarf off.
There are so very many funny people about.
302
00:18:27,905 --> 00:18:29,384
That's right, dear.
303
00:18:29,465 --> 00:18:33,856
Mum, what could funny people do to me
if they found me on me own in wartime?
304
00:18:35,185 --> 00:18:36,743
Never you mind.
305
00:18:37,025 --> 00:18:40,620
-JONES: Cooee! Mildred!
-Come in, Jack.
306
00:18:40,985 --> 00:18:44,660
-Hello, everyone.
-Oh, don't move. Don't move.
307
00:18:44,905 --> 00:18:48,022
I want to remember you just standing there.
308
00:18:49,625 --> 00:18:50,774
Who, me?
309
00:18:51,025 --> 00:18:52,902
Isn't he lovely?
310
00:18:53,745 --> 00:18:56,339
-I'm sorry I'm late.
-No, you're dead on time, Jonesy.
311
00:18:56,425 --> 00:18:59,656
Mr Mainwaring was here first.
Had to help Mrs Fox out the bath.
312
00:19:01,025 --> 00:19:04,142
It was all quite innocent,
wasn't it, Mr Mainwaring?
313
00:19:04,225 --> 00:19:05,544
Oh, totally innocent. Totally.
314
00:19:05,625 --> 00:19:09,300
Well, now Jack's here, I think we can start.
Will you all please sit down?
315
00:19:09,385 --> 00:19:11,979
-Yes. Come and sit down, Arthur.
-All right. Thank you.
316
00:19:12,065 --> 00:19:13,703
-Sit down, Frank.
-Over here.
317
00:19:13,785 --> 00:19:15,013
-Yes.
-All right.
318
00:19:15,345 --> 00:19:16,698
Thank you.
319
00:19:19,185 --> 00:19:21,540
-Sit down, boy. Sit down.
-Sorry.
320
00:19:30,665 --> 00:19:32,303
What are you doing?
321
00:19:33,945 --> 00:19:39,224
Well, I'm very happy to announce
that Mr Mainwaring is going to give me away.
322
00:19:39,305 --> 00:19:42,900
-Oh, very nice.
-Frank, give over, dear.
323
00:19:42,985 --> 00:19:47,103
And Mrs Pike has kindly consented
to be matron of honour.
324
00:19:47,265 --> 00:19:49,620
And Mr Wilson's going to be best man.
325
00:19:49,705 --> 00:19:52,173
-You're going to be best man?
-Yes, that's right, I am. Yes.
326
00:19:52,265 --> 00:19:54,381
I hope you write everything down
otherwise you'll forget it.
327
00:19:55,185 --> 00:19:58,097
Naturally we won't be having a white wedding.
328
00:19:58,385 --> 00:19:59,613
Why not?
329
00:20:01,865 --> 00:20:03,184
'Cause there's a war on.
330
00:20:03,905 --> 00:20:08,581
Now, the bride and the matron of honour
will be in turquoise.
331
00:20:08,825 --> 00:20:10,383
Now, what about the men?
332
00:20:10,465 --> 00:20:14,458
Well, I'm going to be wearing
my regimental regalia with medals.
333
00:20:14,545 --> 00:20:17,423
-Oh, that's very nice.
-Yes.
334
00:20:18,625 --> 00:20:22,664
-I think all the men should be in uniform.
-With medals.
335
00:20:22,745 --> 00:20:24,736
I don't think that's a good idea at all.
336
00:20:26,385 --> 00:20:29,900
No. No, you see, 'cause Mr Mainwaring and me
haven't got any medals, have we?
337
00:20:33,665 --> 00:20:35,383
Arthur has.
338
00:20:38,665 --> 00:20:40,895
That's got nothing at all to do with it.
339
00:20:40,985 --> 00:20:44,421
-I just think people are getting tired of uniform.
-Oh, I don't agree.
340
00:20:44,785 --> 00:20:46,662
Let's put it to the vote.
341
00:20:46,745 --> 00:20:50,579
Now, hands up for uniform and medals.
342
00:20:52,025 --> 00:20:53,743
Put your hand down, boy. You know...
343
00:20:56,425 --> 00:20:58,416
You still seem to be outvoted.
344
00:20:59,025 --> 00:21:02,813
Well, that's settled then. Now, the flowers.
345
00:21:03,425 --> 00:21:06,974
Here, Mildred.
Can't you get out the bath on your own?
346
00:21:07,065 --> 00:21:10,057
Do I want to be wIth you
347
00:21:12,985 --> 00:21:16,136
Right. Everything's in order in the church.
I've checked it myself.
348
00:21:16,225 --> 00:21:19,023
Wilson's job really, of course,
but you can't rely on him.
349
00:21:19,105 --> 00:21:22,541
Hello, Napoleon. I'm just off to the church.
Everything under control, is it?
350
00:21:22,625 --> 00:21:23,978
Of course.
351
00:21:24,385 --> 00:21:27,422
-I didn't know you'd been invited.
-Of course I've been invited.
352
00:21:27,505 --> 00:21:29,097
I'm a friend of the bride.
353
00:21:30,785 --> 00:21:32,855
Mr Mainwaring, all the guests
are already in church.
354
00:21:32,945 --> 00:21:35,505
Don't you think Mr Jones should get in there
as well? It's five to.
355
00:21:35,585 --> 00:21:37,143
-Five to? Is it so late?
-Yes.
356
00:21:37,225 --> 00:21:38,374
Jones.
357
00:21:43,025 --> 00:21:47,257
There's no sign of Mr Wilson yet,
and I'm getting meself in a state.
358
00:21:47,985 --> 00:21:50,453
Is it bad luck when the best man doesn't turn up?
359
00:21:50,545 --> 00:21:52,456
-It's damned inconvenient.
-Yes.
360
00:21:52,545 --> 00:21:53,614
You'd better get over to the church.
361
00:21:53,705 --> 00:21:57,061
It's all right, Mr Jones. He'll be here all right.
He was ready when I left.
362
00:21:57,145 --> 00:22:00,455
Only, you see, he was rude to Mum,
so she's had to put him in his place.
363
00:22:00,545 --> 00:22:03,537
Go over to the church, Mr Jones.
The bride will be here any second.
364
00:22:03,625 --> 00:22:05,695
We don't want you meeting
before the ceremony, do we?
365
00:22:05,785 --> 00:22:07,741
No. We don't want that, do we?
366
00:22:07,825 --> 00:22:09,861
Now, that is a bad omen. That is a bad omen.
367
00:22:09,945 --> 00:22:12,664
-Mr Jones, come on, the church.
-Oh, yes. Right.
368
00:22:14,145 --> 00:22:17,933
Remember, I want a clear understanding.
No confetti.
369
00:22:18,025 --> 00:22:21,176
Yes, I think we understand that, Mr Yeatman.
Thank you very much.
370
00:22:21,545 --> 00:22:23,934
I'm terribly sorry if I'm a little bit late.
371
00:22:25,665 --> 00:22:27,542
I should jolly well think you are.
372
00:22:28,265 --> 00:22:29,778
Where have you been...
373
00:22:36,505 --> 00:22:37,620
What's all this?
374
00:22:37,705 --> 00:22:40,583
I know. I'm awfully sorry, sir,
but you see, Mavis...Mrs Pike insisted.
375
00:22:40,665 --> 00:22:43,225
I'm wearing my uniform from the First World War.
376
00:22:43,305 --> 00:22:46,820
She found it in a...
She found it in an old tin trunk.
377
00:22:47,945 --> 00:22:49,822
-It looks ridiculous.
-Yes.
378
00:22:49,905 --> 00:22:53,659
Well, I wouldn't have dreamt of putting it on,
but, I mean, she'd hidden my trousers.
379
00:22:54,425 --> 00:22:57,303
-An officer's uniform?
-Yes, that's right. I was an officer.
380
00:22:57,385 --> 00:22:59,535
-You never told me.
-Well, you didn't ask me.
381
00:23:00,265 --> 00:23:02,062
Anyway, it was unimportant.
382
00:23:02,625 --> 00:23:06,379
-These pips denote the rank of captain.
-Yes, that's right. I was a captain.
383
00:23:06,545 --> 00:23:08,263
Well, I'm blessed.
384
00:23:09,265 --> 00:23:11,699
Doesn't count for anything now, you know.
385
00:23:12,385 --> 00:23:14,945
MRS FOX: Cooee! Are you there, Mr Mainwaring?
386
00:23:15,025 --> 00:23:17,175
-Look, you'd better go off into church.
-All right.
387
00:23:17,265 --> 00:23:20,416
-Try not to make a fool of yourself.
-Yes. All right, sir, all right.
388
00:23:24,025 --> 00:23:27,461
-Well, well. You do look a pretty pair.
-Thank you.
389
00:23:28,105 --> 00:23:30,539
What a lovely bride you make, Mrs Fox.
390
00:23:31,025 --> 00:23:35,098
-Won't be Mrs Fox much longer.
-No. No, indeed it won't.
391
00:23:35,545 --> 00:23:37,934
Right. Well, we're ready when you are, Vicar.
392
00:23:38,185 --> 00:23:39,743
Off we go then.
393
00:23:41,345 --> 00:23:43,984
Remember, I want a solemn undertaking.
394
00:23:44,065 --> 00:23:47,341
-No confetti.
-Oh, come on, Mr Yeatman.
395
00:23:50,745 --> 00:23:52,542
Will you take my arm, Mrs Fox?
396
00:23:57,105 --> 00:23:58,584
-Mr Mainwaring.
-Mmm?
397
00:23:58,665 --> 00:24:00,656
I think I'm going to cry.
398
00:24:01,425 --> 00:24:02,858
Oh, do try not to.
399
00:24:04,905 --> 00:24:06,463
(ORGAN PLAYING)
400
00:24:14,865 --> 00:24:16,423
Here they come.
401
00:24:16,785 --> 00:24:18,855
(ALL CHEERING)
402
00:24:22,305 --> 00:24:24,500
No confetti! No confetti!
403
00:24:24,585 --> 00:24:27,543
I'm gonna throw confetti, so ya-boo-sucks to you.
404
00:24:31,105 --> 00:24:33,619
-Here.
-You! Don't be a spoilsport.
405
00:24:36,705 --> 00:24:39,697
Mr Yeatman, I thought you said no confetti.
406
00:24:41,545 --> 00:24:44,139
-I did enjoy that.
-So did I.
407
00:24:44,225 --> 00:24:47,058
It's a pagan ceremony.
408
00:24:47,185 --> 00:24:50,655
And in their case, I should have thought
a complete waste of time.
409
00:24:50,745 --> 00:24:53,259
Captain Mainwaring, sir. Captain Mainwaring.
410
00:24:53,345 --> 00:24:54,824
The Colonel's just been on the phone, sir.
411
00:24:54,905 --> 00:24:57,863
He wants you to put the platoon
on 30 minutes standby.
412
00:24:57,945 --> 00:24:59,060
Thank you, Sponge.
413
00:24:59,625 --> 00:25:02,093
You hear that? 30 minutes standby.
Must be something important.
414
00:25:02,185 --> 00:25:03,379
Well, we're all here.
415
00:25:03,465 --> 00:25:04,944
I would keep it under our hats for the time being.
416
00:25:05,025 --> 00:25:06,583
But I think we ought to push things along,
don't you?
417
00:25:06,665 --> 00:25:07,734
-Right, sir.
-Start the speeches.
418
00:25:07,825 --> 00:25:09,463
-Right, sir. Yes, of course.
-Keep yours short.
419
00:25:09,545 --> 00:25:10,864
-Yes, I will. Yes.
-Don't get drunk.
420
00:25:10,945 --> 00:25:12,094
What?
421
00:25:13,625 --> 00:25:15,695
Would you like one of these, Miss Godfrey?
It's cider.
422
00:25:15,785 --> 00:25:16,820
Thank you.
423
00:25:16,905 --> 00:25:19,465
-I hope it won't make us tipsy.
-No...
424
00:25:19,865 --> 00:25:22,459
-Here's to the bride and groom.
-The bride and groom.
425
00:25:22,545 --> 00:25:24,342
Probably your turn next, Mr Godfrey.
426
00:25:25,785 --> 00:25:28,822
Charles nearly got married once,
didn't you, Charles?
427
00:25:28,905 --> 00:25:31,260
-I wanted to.
-It would never have done.
428
00:25:31,345 --> 00:25:33,381
Her parents lived in a bungalow.
429
00:25:34,425 --> 00:25:37,735
She married a farmer. I see her from time to time.
430
00:25:37,825 --> 00:25:39,019
Do you?
431
00:25:39,265 --> 00:25:41,654
-She's a widow now.
-Is she?
432
00:25:41,745 --> 00:25:43,098
Have another one, Miss Godfrey.
433
00:25:43,185 --> 00:25:44,220
(GAVEL POUNDING)
434
00:25:44,785 --> 00:25:47,015
May I have your attention, please?
435
00:25:47,425 --> 00:25:51,418
Pray, silence for Captain Mainwaring,
who is acting as the bride's father.
436
00:25:57,225 --> 00:26:00,422
Ladies and gentlemen, Jack and...
437
00:26:00,745 --> 00:26:02,622
(STAMMERING) Mildred.
438
00:26:04,505 --> 00:26:06,655
-I'm not going to make a long speech.
-Good.
439
00:26:10,505 --> 00:26:13,463
I've known Jack for many years...
440
00:26:14,505 --> 00:26:15,654
and he's the salt of the earth.
441
00:26:15,745 --> 00:26:16,734
WILSON: Hear, hear. Yes.
442
00:26:17,265 --> 00:26:19,415
He's loyal, he's brave
443
00:26:20,145 --> 00:26:21,897
and he's very kind.
444
00:26:22,425 --> 00:26:26,941
And I have no hesitation saying to you,
uh...Mildred,
445
00:26:28,905 --> 00:26:32,215
that he's the first man you should turn to
if you're in any sort of trouble.
446
00:26:32,305 --> 00:26:34,455
Oh, she's not in trouble, Captain Mainwaring.
447
00:26:37,425 --> 00:26:39,700
I wish you both the very best of luck,
448
00:26:39,785 --> 00:26:44,905
and may you be as happy
as I have been with my own dear wife,
449
00:26:44,985 --> 00:26:47,453
who unfortunately can't be with us this afternoon.
450
00:26:47,545 --> 00:26:50,105
-Where is she, then?
-She's staying with her sister.
451
00:26:52,385 --> 00:26:55,741
Ladies and gentlemen,
I give you Jack and...and Mildred.
452
00:26:55,945 --> 00:26:57,617
Jack and Mildred.
453
00:26:58,145 --> 00:27:00,420
WILSON: Speech. Come on, give us a speech.
Come on.
454
00:27:00,505 --> 00:27:02,894
ALL: (CHANTING) Speech!
455
00:27:02,985 --> 00:27:05,738
-You've got to give the speech. You, you.
-Oh. Oh.
456
00:27:06,305 --> 00:27:07,533
Ladies and gentlemen,
457
00:27:07,625 --> 00:27:11,903
I'd like to thank Captain Mainwaring
for saying all those kind things,
458
00:27:11,985 --> 00:27:16,501
and also for standing in as the bride's father,
which he isn't.
459
00:27:17,865 --> 00:27:21,494
And thank you all for coming along,
and good health, everyone.
460
00:27:21,585 --> 00:27:23,860
-Good health.
-WILSON: Good luck to you.
461
00:27:25,465 --> 00:27:27,103
-Your turn now, Wilson.
-What?
462
00:27:27,865 --> 00:27:30,333
-Keep it short.
-But I don't have to speak at all.
463
00:27:30,425 --> 00:27:33,303
Yes, you do.
You have to toast the matron of honour.
464
00:27:34,945 --> 00:27:38,984
Ladies and gentlemen, Mr... Cap...
Sergeant Wilson...
465
00:27:40,505 --> 00:27:42,177
will now say a few words.
466
00:27:42,625 --> 00:27:44,695
Thank you very much indeed, everybody. But...
467
00:27:44,785 --> 00:27:48,983
It's my pleasure to propose the toast
of the bridesmaid
468
00:27:49,385 --> 00:27:51,182
or the matron of honour, I should say.
469
00:27:52,025 --> 00:27:55,574
A lady whom I've known
for a considerable number of years.
470
00:27:58,065 --> 00:28:02,900
Mavis, you are one of that happy band of women
471
00:28:03,425 --> 00:28:08,863
who give out so much affection and so much love
which you don't always get in return.
472
00:28:09,465 --> 00:28:11,183
Anyway, I...
473
00:28:12,185 --> 00:28:15,063
I think that hat you're wearing is very pretty.
I like it.
474
00:28:15,625 --> 00:28:21,461
Anyway, I'd like to propose now
the health of the matron of honour.
475
00:28:22,145 --> 00:28:24,295
ALL: Matron of honour.
MRS JONES: Mrs Pike.
476
00:28:24,385 --> 00:28:26,182
We haven't cut the cake. Whatever next?
477
00:28:27,385 --> 00:28:30,616
We'd forget our heads if they weren't screwed on,
wouldn't we?
478
00:28:30,705 --> 00:28:32,024
Now, where's my bayonet?
479
00:28:32,105 --> 00:28:34,016
-Captain Mainwaring, sir. Captain Mainwaring.
-Yes.
480
00:28:34,105 --> 00:28:36,619
Colonel's on the phone again.
He wants to speak to you personally.
481
00:28:36,705 --> 00:28:37,899
WILSON: Yes, come along here.
482
00:28:37,985 --> 00:28:39,896
Gather round, gentlemen, have some cake.
483
00:28:39,985 --> 00:28:42,374
Yes. Cake.
484
00:28:44,825 --> 00:28:45,814
Here we are.
485
00:28:45,905 --> 00:28:48,055
-Now, here we go.
-No, no, no, no!
486
00:28:48,145 --> 00:28:50,454
Oh, no, that's only cardboard.
487
00:28:59,265 --> 00:29:01,779
There is a war on, you know.
488
00:29:03,865 --> 00:29:06,299
-Hello, sir. Mainwaring here.
-Mainwaring.
489
00:29:06,825 --> 00:29:08,736
Everything's a bit confused here.
490
00:29:08,825 --> 00:29:11,737
-But all units are standing by immediately.
-Good Lord.
491
00:29:11,945 --> 00:29:14,778
-Does that mean the balloon's gone up?
-Well, not exactly,
492
00:29:14,865 --> 00:29:17,333
but barges are moving around
the North Sea coast,
493
00:29:17,465 --> 00:29:19,820
and the weather's right,
so we can't take any chances.
494
00:29:19,905 --> 00:29:22,544
Right, sir.
I'll put my men at action stations at once.
495
00:29:22,625 --> 00:29:24,138
-Good luck.
-Thank you, sir.
496
00:29:31,905 --> 00:29:34,942
-Ladies and gentlemen, please. Order, please.
-FRAZER: Quiet, quiet.
497
00:29:35,025 --> 00:29:36,014
Please.
498
00:29:36,105 --> 00:29:37,220
(KNOCKING ON TABLE)
499
00:29:37,305 --> 00:29:39,500
May I just have your attention for a moment?
500
00:29:40,145 --> 00:29:41,658
There's no cause for alarm,
501
00:29:41,745 --> 00:29:45,533
but I want all members of the Home Guard
to parade outside in the yard immediately, please.
502
00:29:45,625 --> 00:29:46,660
(EXCLAIMING DISAPPOINTEDLY)
503
00:29:46,745 --> 00:29:50,101
Quickly as you can. Pick up your rifles on the way.
504
00:29:50,745 --> 00:29:54,021
-What's going on, Napoleon?
-You'd better contact your headquarters at once.
505
00:29:54,105 --> 00:29:55,663
There's an invasion alert on.
506
00:29:56,505 --> 00:29:59,258
There'll always be an England
507
00:30:00,865 --> 00:30:04,778
WhIle there's a country lane
508
00:30:07,185 --> 00:30:11,736
Bet you didn't think you were gonna spend
your wedding night with me, did you, Mr Jones?
509
00:30:13,025 --> 00:30:14,936
No, I did not, Pikey.
510
00:30:16,745 --> 00:30:19,259
You were going to the Esplanade Hotel,
Eastgate, weren't you?
511
00:30:19,345 --> 00:30:20,334
Yes.
512
00:30:20,425 --> 00:30:23,462
Never mind. Duty comes first.
513
00:30:24,265 --> 00:30:26,904
I wonder if they'd give me the deposit back
on the room.
514
00:30:28,665 --> 00:30:33,295
-Halt! Who goes there?
-It's me. Mrs Jones.
515
00:30:33,705 --> 00:30:35,935
Mrs Jones? I don't know no Mrs Jones.
516
00:30:36,905 --> 00:30:38,816
It's me, Jack. Me.
517
00:30:39,865 --> 00:30:44,939
-Oh, Mrs Jones, the butcher's wife. Yes.
-I thought I'd come and sit with you a while.
518
00:30:45,025 --> 00:30:46,538
Oh, that's a good idea.
519
00:30:46,865 --> 00:30:49,698
Here, Pikey, you keep a good lookout,
520
00:30:50,065 --> 00:30:53,819
and me and the missus will go and sit down
and have a nice little chat.
521
00:30:54,145 --> 00:30:55,817
A nice little cuddle and all.
522
00:30:56,665 --> 00:31:00,624
Nothing like that, Pikey. Come on.
Come on, my precious.
523
00:31:02,465 --> 00:31:04,023
That's right.
524
00:31:04,585 --> 00:31:05,904
Oh, Jack.
525
00:31:08,625 --> 00:31:10,741
When this is all over, Jack,
526
00:31:10,865 --> 00:31:14,460
-can we go and live in a little cottage?
-Yes.
527
00:31:14,665 --> 00:31:17,896
-With roses round the door.
-Oh, yes.
528
00:31:18,025 --> 00:31:20,380
And a big fridge in the kitchen.
529
00:31:21,425 --> 00:31:23,655
What would we want a big fridge for?
530
00:31:23,745 --> 00:31:26,259
To keep all the big joints of meat in.
531
00:31:26,825 --> 00:31:31,137
-Well, after the war.
-Oh, yes. After the war.
532
00:31:32,185 --> 00:31:35,700
Not that we won't have a joint or two before then,
of course.
533
00:31:39,185 --> 00:31:40,698
Halt! Who goes there?
534
00:31:40,985 --> 00:31:43,818
MAINWARING: All right, Pike. Well done.
It's only us.
535
00:31:44,465 --> 00:31:47,059
-Any sign of anything?
-No, it's been ever so quiet.
536
00:31:47,145 --> 00:31:50,262
-Where's Corporal Jones?
-Where he should be on his wedding night.
537
00:31:50,865 --> 00:31:51,980
With his bride.
538
00:31:52,065 --> 00:31:53,134
(SNICKERING)
539
00:31:55,665 --> 00:31:57,223
You stupid boy.
540
00:31:58,425 --> 00:31:59,824
Here I am, Captain Mainwaring.
541
00:31:59,905 --> 00:32:02,294
I've just been having a little chat
with me and the wife, you know.
542
00:32:02,385 --> 00:32:05,775
I kept ever so alert, though.
I've just sent her home.
543
00:32:06,065 --> 00:32:07,293
Yes, that's all right, Jones.
544
00:32:07,385 --> 00:32:08,818
Now, Sergeant Wilson
has found a bottle of champagne,
545
00:32:08,905 --> 00:32:10,702
so we thought we'd come and drink your health.
546
00:32:10,785 --> 00:32:12,980
-JONES: Oh, that's good, isn't it?
-Hand the glasses round.
547
00:32:13,065 --> 00:32:14,817
Well, I haven't brought any glasses, sir.
548
00:32:16,225 --> 00:32:17,658
What's the good of champagne without glasses?
549
00:32:17,745 --> 00:32:19,815
Well, I thought you said
you were going to bring the glasses.
550
00:32:19,905 --> 00:32:21,338
Where would I find glasses?
551
00:32:21,425 --> 00:32:22,653
Hold on, hold on.
552
00:32:22,745 --> 00:32:26,260
There's a couple of mugs here I brought
for our cocoa. You can use them.
553
00:32:26,345 --> 00:32:27,983
-Oh, well, I...
-I've got my medicine glass.
554
00:32:28,065 --> 00:32:30,625
Yes, well, I suppose that'll have to do then.
All right.
555
00:32:30,705 --> 00:32:32,184
-Pour it out.
-All right.
556
00:32:33,025 --> 00:32:34,424
There we are, Jonesy.
557
00:32:34,505 --> 00:32:38,054
Keep a good lookout over the sea, boy.
You're too young for champagne, anyway.
558
00:32:41,385 --> 00:32:44,104
-Oh, thank you.
-Hello, what are you lot doing here?
559
00:32:44,865 --> 00:32:48,335
In case you'd forgotten,
there's an invasion alert on.
560
00:32:48,425 --> 00:32:50,461
Haven't you heard? It was a false alarm.
561
00:32:50,545 --> 00:32:54,254
-We got the stand-down half an hour ago.
-So Hitler won't be joining us tonight then?
562
00:32:54,345 --> 00:32:56,256
No. Just as well with you lot guarding us.
563
00:32:56,345 --> 00:32:57,334
(HODGES LAUGHING)
564
00:32:57,425 --> 00:33:00,303
-What does that mean?
-Well, I mean, look at you.
565
00:33:00,745 --> 00:33:03,339
What good would you be against real soldiers?
566
00:33:03,425 --> 00:33:04,938
(HODGES SNICKERING)
567
00:33:06,265 --> 00:33:09,302
They'd walk straight through you. Good night.
568
00:33:12,345 --> 00:33:15,337
-Here, he has no business to...
-All right, all right.
569
00:33:15,705 --> 00:33:18,777
Don't take any notice of him, men.
Here's to your future health.
570
00:33:18,865 --> 00:33:21,618
-Yes, here's to you, Jonesy. Good luck to you.
-Here, Jonesy.
571
00:33:22,505 --> 00:33:24,018
-Mr Mainwaring.
-Hmm?
572
00:33:25,145 --> 00:33:28,820
Warden wasn't right, was he, when he said
the Nazis would walk straight through us?
573
00:33:28,905 --> 00:33:30,657
Of course he wasn't right.
574
00:33:31,265 --> 00:33:34,382
Well, I know one thing.
They're not walking straight through me.
575
00:33:34,465 --> 00:33:35,454
Nor me.
576
00:33:36,465 --> 00:33:39,582
-I'll be beside you, Jonesy.
-We'll all be beside you, Jonesy.
577
00:33:40,505 --> 00:33:43,099
We'll stick together. You can rely on that.
578
00:33:43,425 --> 00:33:45,620
Anybody tries to take our homes or our freedom
away from us,
579
00:33:45,705 --> 00:33:47,502
they'll find out what we can do.
580
00:33:47,705 --> 00:33:48,820
We'll fight.
581
00:33:49,945 --> 00:33:52,778
And we're not alone.
There are thousands of us all over England.
582
00:33:52,865 --> 00:33:55,095
-And Scotland.
-And Scotland.
583
00:33:55,585 --> 00:33:57,303
All over Great Britain, in fact.
584
00:33:57,465 --> 00:33:59,456
Men who'll stand together
when their country needs them.
585
00:33:59,545 --> 00:34:04,778
Excuse me, sir. Don't you think it might be
a nice idea if we were to pay our tribute to them?
586
00:34:05,945 --> 00:34:08,459
For once, Wilson, I agree with you.
587
00:34:08,945 --> 00:34:10,936
To Britain's Home Guard.
588
00:34:12,785 --> 00:34:14,776
To Britain's Home Guard.
589
00:34:17,265 --> 00:34:18,414
(PIKE CHOKING)
590
00:34:18,464 --> 00:34:23,014
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