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1
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Who do you thInk you are kIddIng, Mr HItler
2
00:00:08,357 --> 00:00:12,270
If you thInk we're on the run?
3
00:00:13,397 --> 00:00:17,913
We are the boys who wIll stop your lIttle game
4
00:00:18,197 --> 00:00:22,793
We are the boys who wIll make you thInk agaIn
5
00:00:22,917 --> 00:00:27,672
'Cause who do you thInkyou are kIddIng, Mr HItler
6
00:00:27,837 --> 00:00:32,149
If you thInk old England's done?
7
00:00:32,837 --> 00:00:37,467
Mr Brown goes off to town on the 8..2 1
8
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But he comes home each evenIngand he's ready wIth hIs gun
9
00:00:42,357 --> 00:00:47,112
So who do you thInk you are kIddIng, Mr HItler
10
00:00:47,277 --> 00:00:51,111
If you thInk old England's done?
11
00:00:54,677 --> 00:00:56,554
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
12
00:00:56,637 --> 00:01:00,107
HODGES: Yes, I know it's the whole point
of the thing, but we can't...
13
00:01:00,877 --> 00:01:04,074
Ladies and gentlemen, order! Order! Please!
14
00:01:04,157 --> 00:01:06,307
-Can we get on, please?
-I quite agree.
15
00:01:06,397 --> 00:01:08,274
We've been here for two hours already.
16
00:01:08,397 --> 00:01:10,865
Well, I think we're all agreed on the poster,
17
00:01:10,957 --> 00:01:13,107
which I think is very nice.
18
00:01:13,197 --> 00:01:15,665
Tasteful and artistic.
19
00:01:15,757 --> 00:01:17,987
I think it needs more colours.
20
00:01:18,237 --> 00:01:22,196
You can't have a lot of colours in wartime,
Mrs Yeatman.
21
00:01:22,637 --> 00:01:25,515
Now, the climax of the Wings For Victory Week
22
00:01:25,597 --> 00:01:28,907
will be the Grand March Past
on Saturday afternoon.
23
00:01:29,117 --> 00:01:32,507
Now, the Mayor, who will be on the podium,
will take the salute
24
00:01:32,597 --> 00:01:37,148
along with myself
and other officers of the town council.
25
00:01:37,717 --> 00:01:41,232
Now first, the Sea Scouts Drum and Bugle band,
26
00:01:41,317 --> 00:01:46,789
then a...keep-fit display
by the Ladies Netball Team...
27
00:01:48,717 --> 00:01:50,435
led by Mrs Yeatman.
28
00:01:53,037 --> 00:01:55,710
Point of order, Mr Chairman.
29
00:01:55,797 --> 00:01:59,073
Are they going to wear dresses or shorts?
30
00:01:59,357 --> 00:02:03,635
Well, my girls will wear shorts of course.
You can't do PT in dresses.
31
00:02:04,117 --> 00:02:07,553
Ladies' legs can lead to ribaldry
among the crowd, you know.
32
00:02:07,757 --> 00:02:10,590
I shouldn't like my sister Dolly to be shocked.
33
00:02:12,197 --> 00:02:14,870
What's the matter with a bit of leg? Lovely.
34
00:02:15,957 --> 00:02:18,391
Those white thighs...
35
00:02:22,637 --> 00:02:24,673
gleaming in the sunlight.
36
00:02:26,197 --> 00:02:29,075
What about them little ankle socks, too?
The little ankle socks.
37
00:02:29,157 --> 00:02:31,910
Can we raise the level of this discussion, please?
38
00:02:31,997 --> 00:02:34,795
-I quite agree, Your Reverence.
-Be quiet, Mr Yeatman.
39
00:02:34,957 --> 00:02:38,108
Can't you keep your dirty old men in order,
Mr Mainwaring?
40
00:02:39,877 --> 00:02:42,516
I'm completely indifferent to this discussion.
41
00:02:42,957 --> 00:02:46,188
-He's hardly said a word. He's sulking.
-I am not sulking.
42
00:02:46,277 --> 00:02:49,633
Oh, yes, you are. You're sulking just because
you haven't been made chairman.
43
00:02:49,717 --> 00:02:52,993
If I had been made chairman, we wouldn't
have been sitting here for the last two hours.
44
00:02:53,077 --> 00:02:55,716
No, we'd have been here for four hours.
45
00:02:56,877 --> 00:03:00,392
Now after that,
we have the display of morris dancing.
46
00:03:00,757 --> 00:03:02,907
Now, are there any more suggestions?
47
00:03:02,997 --> 00:03:07,627
Yes, er, Mr Chairman,
through the chair, can I take the floor?
48
00:03:07,997 --> 00:03:09,669
Are we...
49
00:03:11,037 --> 00:03:13,392
are we all in agreement that Mr Jones
should take the floor?
50
00:03:13,477 --> 00:03:14,671
-Yes.
-Yes.
51
00:03:14,757 --> 00:03:18,796
-Right. Carried. Mr Jones, the floor is yours.
-Oh, thank you.
52
00:03:18,877 --> 00:03:20,833
Ladies and gentlemen,
53
00:03:20,917 --> 00:03:22,908
this is a Litter Bug.
54
00:03:24,757 --> 00:03:27,430
This, that is a Squander Bug.
55
00:03:28,037 --> 00:03:31,507
Now then, why don't two of us
dress up as these bugs?
56
00:03:31,717 --> 00:03:34,026
And the Litter Bug can throw paper about,
57
00:03:34,117 --> 00:03:37,029
and the Squander Bug can throw money about.
58
00:03:37,557 --> 00:03:39,468
Hey, hud on. Hud on.
59
00:03:40,637 --> 00:03:42,787
Who's supplying the money?
60
00:03:44,317 --> 00:03:46,956
It's going to be imitation money, Jock.
61
00:03:47,037 --> 00:03:49,915
(STAMMERING) I don't think
we could have two bugs.
62
00:03:49,997 --> 00:03:51,908
We'll have to make do with one bug.
63
00:03:51,997 --> 00:03:54,750
After all, bug costumes cost money.
64
00:03:54,837 --> 00:03:57,476
If you're gonna spend all that money
on a Squander Bug costume,
65
00:03:57,557 --> 00:04:00,025
surely that rather defeats the whole object.
66
00:04:00,117 --> 00:04:05,066
Well, Frank's got a Squander Bug costume.
I made it for him for the Scout Show last year.
67
00:04:05,237 --> 00:04:07,387
-I'm not going to wear that.
-Oh.
68
00:04:08,757 --> 00:04:10,236
Makes me look a fool.
69
00:04:11,197 --> 00:04:14,587
I saw the show.
I thought you looked rather sweet in it.
70
00:04:20,117 --> 00:04:22,711
Don't make me wear it, Mr Mainwaring, please.
Don't make me wear it.
71
00:04:22,797 --> 00:04:24,788
Oh, you must just sort it out amongst yourselves.
72
00:04:24,877 --> 00:04:27,675
-Can we get on, please?
-I quite agree.
73
00:04:27,757 --> 00:04:30,146
Well, that's settled then.
Frank Pike will be the Squander Bug.
74
00:04:30,237 --> 00:04:34,230
-Oh, no.
-Now, the grand finale.
75
00:04:34,917 --> 00:04:38,546
I've already decided what the grand finale will be
and my platoon will be doing it.
76
00:04:38,637 --> 00:04:41,834
What are you talking about?
The Wardens are doing the grand finale.
77
00:04:41,917 --> 00:04:44,511
The finale will be done by the Home Guard
and that's that.
78
00:04:44,597 --> 00:04:46,030
-All right...
-Don't start all this...
79
00:04:46,117 --> 00:04:47,755
Gentlemen, gentlemen, please!
80
00:04:47,837 --> 00:04:49,555
-WILSON: Sit down, for goodness sake.
-Please.
81
00:04:49,637 --> 00:04:52,788
I suggest that the Wardens
and the Home Guard share the finale.
82
00:04:52,877 --> 00:04:54,276
-Oh, no...
-I second that.
83
00:04:54,357 --> 00:04:56,996
-I third it.
-Oh, be quiet, Mr Yeatman.
84
00:04:57,397 --> 00:04:59,194
All those in favour?
85
00:05:00,117 --> 00:05:03,746
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. Against?
86
00:05:04,997 --> 00:05:06,271
Put your hand up, Wilson.
87
00:05:06,357 --> 00:05:09,429
I can't be bothered.
The whole thing's a crashing bore.
88
00:05:09,517 --> 00:05:10,870
I'll do it.
89
00:05:12,437 --> 00:05:16,396
Don't be cross with him, Mr Mainwaring.
He gets too tired for anything this time of night.
90
00:05:16,477 --> 00:05:17,751
That's a fact.
91
00:05:21,237 --> 00:05:24,673
Seven. Well, it seems that I have the casting vote.
92
00:05:24,757 --> 00:05:26,270
So that's settled then.
93
00:05:26,357 --> 00:05:30,396
The grand finale will be shared
by the Wardens and the Home Guard.
94
00:05:30,997 --> 00:05:34,114
And what are the Home Guard going to do?
95
00:05:34,517 --> 00:05:37,111
Oh, I'm not telling you that in front of him.
96
00:05:38,597 --> 00:05:42,226
And what is your contribution
going to be, Mr Hodges?
97
00:05:42,317 --> 00:05:45,115
And I'm not telling you in front of him.
98
00:05:45,197 --> 00:05:46,471
Oh, dear.
99
00:05:46,597 --> 00:05:49,157
We seem to have reached an impasse.
100
00:05:49,797 --> 00:05:52,550
Well, I feel sure that whatever it is,
101
00:05:53,077 --> 00:05:55,147
it will be very nice.
102
00:05:55,237 --> 00:05:57,387
You say ''eIther''and I say ''eyether''
103
00:05:57,477 --> 00:05:59,229
You say ''neIther''and I say ''nyther''
104
00:05:59,317 --> 00:06:03,356
I got your estimate this morning, Mr Jackson.
I must say the cost seems pretty high.
105
00:06:04,077 --> 00:06:05,476
What?
106
00:06:05,557 --> 00:06:07,673
But I don't want the legs cut down.
107
00:06:08,957 --> 00:06:11,471
Is Mr Mainwaring buying a table, Uncle Arthur?
108
00:06:11,557 --> 00:06:13,468
It must have 22 legs.
109
00:06:16,117 --> 00:06:17,391
Big table.
110
00:06:18,877 --> 00:06:21,345
And the tail must be 1 2 feet long.
111
00:06:21,917 --> 00:06:23,589
No, it's an aeroplane.
112
00:06:24,357 --> 00:06:26,871
Don't be ridiculous, Frank.
Just get on with the filing, will you?
113
00:06:26,957 --> 00:06:29,232
No, it's too expensive.
114
00:06:29,317 --> 00:06:33,390
No, I'm sorry. I shall just have to cancel it.
Yes. All right, goodbye.
115
00:06:33,477 --> 00:06:35,866
Well, we're going to have to get
somebody else to build it, Wilson.
116
00:06:35,957 --> 00:06:38,676
Have you asked Frazer or Jones?
117
00:06:38,757 --> 00:06:42,796
That's not a bad idea.
There's room in Frazer's workshop, isn't there?
118
00:06:42,877 --> 00:06:44,435
No, Mr Mainwaring.
119
00:06:44,517 --> 00:06:47,031
Mr Frazer and Mr Jones
couldn't make an aeroplane.
120
00:06:49,477 --> 00:06:52,628
Don't you ever make an intelligent remark, Pike?
121
00:06:54,637 --> 00:06:57,356
-Haven't you told him, Wilson?
-No, not yet. No.
122
00:06:57,437 --> 00:07:00,315
I have decided, Pike,
that as the Wings For Victory Parade
123
00:07:00,397 --> 00:07:02,831
coincides with St George's Day,
124
00:07:02,917 --> 00:07:06,148
we shall stage a fight
between St George and the dragon.
125
00:07:06,237 --> 00:07:09,946
Good against evil as it were.
Representing this country's fight against Hitler.
126
00:07:10,037 --> 00:07:12,107
-Can I play St George?
-No.
127
00:07:13,437 --> 00:07:15,951
Have you decided who is going to play St George?
128
00:07:16,037 --> 00:07:18,710
I should have thought that was obvious, Wilson.
129
00:07:22,237 --> 00:07:23,431
You?
130
00:07:25,397 --> 00:07:29,595
A friend of mine is lending me the armour.
I don't think he'd want anybody else to wear it.
131
00:07:29,797 --> 00:07:32,595
Why don't you wear cardboard armour?
132
00:07:34,917 --> 00:07:38,990
A man in my position couldn't be seen
fighting a dragon in cardboard armour.
133
00:07:39,717 --> 00:07:43,232
Well, real armour, I mean, it's...
It might be a bit dangerous.
134
00:07:43,797 --> 00:07:46,516
Oh, I don't intend to do anything strenuous.
135
00:07:46,717 --> 00:07:49,834
I shall just walk the horse
round the dragon and shout,
136
00:07:49,917 --> 00:07:53,910
''Cry God for Harry, England and St George!''
137
00:07:55,237 --> 00:07:59,515
Then I shall make a symbolic gesture
with my sword to the dragon, like...
138
00:08:01,637 --> 00:08:03,593
I see. What would the dragon do?
139
00:08:03,677 --> 00:08:05,793
Make a symbolic gesture back, I suppose.
140
00:08:07,077 --> 00:08:10,467
England our Island home
141
00:08:11,717 --> 00:08:14,515
Land of the free
142
00:08:14,597 --> 00:08:16,155
Come on, hurry up, Pike.
143
00:08:16,237 --> 00:08:17,955
PIKE: You can't come in yet. I'm not ready.
144
00:08:18,037 --> 00:08:20,346
MAVIS: He won't be a minute, Mr Mainwaring.
145
00:08:21,557 --> 00:08:24,594
The dragon's outside, sir,
and the men are getting into it.
146
00:08:24,677 --> 00:08:26,030
Well done, Corporal.
147
00:08:26,117 --> 00:08:28,108
-Come along, Frank.
-Ah, here he is.
148
00:08:36,197 --> 00:08:39,075
I must say, you made it awfully well, Mavis.
149
00:08:39,157 --> 00:08:41,352
Oh, thank you, Arthur.
150
00:08:41,437 --> 00:08:45,271
The vicar was right.
He does look sweet in it, doesn't he?
151
00:08:46,677 --> 00:08:49,032
He's a dear little Squander Bug.
152
00:08:49,437 --> 00:08:51,428
It's too short, Mum.
153
00:08:54,117 --> 00:08:55,630
The point is, what should he do?
154
00:08:55,717 --> 00:08:57,275
Well, he should say,
155
00:08:57,357 --> 00:09:01,669
''Don't be a Squander Bug like me,
but save for victory.''
156
00:09:01,757 --> 00:09:05,113
-And then he should throw the money about.
-That's very good.
157
00:09:05,197 --> 00:09:06,676
Try it, Pike.
158
00:09:09,717 --> 00:09:12,106
(MUFFLED) Don't be a Squander Bug like...
159
00:09:16,357 --> 00:09:19,269
(SULKILY) Don't be a Squander Bug like me,
save for victory.
160
00:09:20,637 --> 00:09:22,514
That's no good.
161
00:09:22,597 --> 00:09:24,986
Well, sir, he should skip about a bit.
162
00:09:25,757 --> 00:09:27,509
That's right. Skip about.
163
00:09:28,077 --> 00:09:31,513
Make gestures with your arms
as if you're throwing money about.
164
00:09:34,957 --> 00:09:38,632
Don't squander money like me, save...
165
00:09:38,717 --> 00:09:40,947
I feel such a fool.
166
00:09:43,237 --> 00:09:46,991
-The men are inside the dragon, sir.
-All right. Good. Good.
167
00:09:50,597 --> 00:09:52,872
Heavens above, what is it?
168
00:09:53,397 --> 00:09:55,149
It's the Squander Bug, of course.
169
00:09:55,237 --> 00:09:58,434
It looks like a potato on two sticks.
170
00:10:00,357 --> 00:10:02,951
-Have you finished with him now, Mr Mainwaring?
-Yes, thank you.
171
00:10:03,037 --> 00:10:04,629
Come along, Frank.
172
00:10:05,757 --> 00:10:08,590
Leave it alone. You'll pull it out of shape.
173
00:10:19,397 --> 00:10:21,592
(JONES BARKING ORDERS)
174
00:10:22,637 --> 00:10:25,754
-Where are you going?
-Well, you said right wheel.
175
00:10:25,837 --> 00:10:29,432
Well, I said get to the back.
Don't come apart, get to the back.
176
00:10:29,517 --> 00:10:31,951
You get on the front, Jones, will you?
177
00:10:38,797 --> 00:10:41,550
Stop! Stop! Stop, stop, stop.
178
00:10:41,917 --> 00:10:43,316
What's the matter, sir?
179
00:10:43,397 --> 00:10:46,514
-You've got the tail in your mouth.
-Oh, sorry, sir.
180
00:10:48,957 --> 00:10:53,155
That's better. Right, get out of the skin
and I'll explain what we're going to do.
181
00:10:53,237 --> 00:10:56,309
-Help me on with this helmet, Wilson.
-Right, sir.
182
00:10:58,317 --> 00:11:01,593
-Can't do it with my glasses on.
-Ah, right. There we are.
183
00:11:02,477 --> 00:11:04,752
Now then, let me try like this.
184
00:11:06,517 --> 00:11:08,747
That's it. There we are.
185
00:11:09,597 --> 00:11:10,746
Well.
186
00:11:12,677 --> 00:11:15,145
-MAINWARING: Open the visor.
-Right, sir.
187
00:11:17,957 --> 00:11:20,471
-I'm terribly sorry, sir, I'm afraid it's stuck.
-Quite.
188
00:11:20,557 --> 00:11:22,149
-It's a wee bit rusted.
-What?
189
00:11:22,237 --> 00:11:24,068
I'll get some oil.
190
00:11:25,957 --> 00:11:27,675
MAINWARING: Open it up.
191
00:11:27,757 --> 00:11:29,952
Didn't know the dragon had arrived, Uncle Arthur.
Good, innit?
192
00:11:30,037 --> 00:11:32,267
Now get out of the way, Frank.
193
00:11:32,357 --> 00:11:34,871
Oh, Lord. I'm afraid it's rusted up, sir.
194
00:11:34,957 --> 00:11:36,470
MAINWARING: I can't hear you.
195
00:11:36,557 --> 00:11:39,310
Oh, look. There's a little door here.
196
00:11:41,557 --> 00:11:43,548
(SHOUTING) Can you hear me now, sir?
197
00:11:44,957 --> 00:11:46,834
You nearly deafened me, Jones.
198
00:11:46,917 --> 00:11:49,715
-Can you hear me now, sir?
-I can hear, but I can't see.
199
00:11:49,797 --> 00:11:51,196
He can hear!
200
00:11:52,117 --> 00:11:53,550
He can hear, but he can't see.
201
00:11:53,637 --> 00:11:56,470
I'm afraid this is going to be awfully difficult
but still, we'll have a try.
202
00:11:56,557 --> 00:11:59,594
-Let me have a go.
-All right, you have a go then, Frank.
203
00:12:02,557 --> 00:12:04,627
WILSON: Oh, yes. Very clever of you.
204
00:12:07,277 --> 00:12:09,950
Sir, we'll have it up in a minute, sir.
205
00:12:10,037 --> 00:12:12,187
A wee drop there and a wee drop there.
That's right.
206
00:12:12,277 --> 00:12:15,314
-Oh, look. There's another little door.
-Take these.
207
00:12:15,397 --> 00:12:17,991
This helmet is full of little doors, isn't it?
208
00:12:18,077 --> 00:12:20,068
Can you hear me now, sir?
209
00:12:21,037 --> 00:12:22,595
That's it.
210
00:12:22,677 --> 00:12:24,076
Got it. How's that, sir?
211
00:12:24,157 --> 00:12:26,876
You look a little bit red, sir. Are you all right?
212
00:12:26,957 --> 00:12:30,916
-Just put my glasses on, will you?
-PIKE: Hang on. Here they are, Mr Mainwaring.
213
00:12:30,997 --> 00:12:34,433
Careful. There they are. Lovely.
Oh, shut your doors.
214
00:12:39,357 --> 00:12:41,313
Will you stop playing games, boy?
215
00:12:41,397 --> 00:12:44,867
Help me onto the horse and let's...
Let's rehearse the fight.
216
00:12:44,957 --> 00:12:48,347
Here. I have your sword here, sir. Look at it.
217
00:12:48,557 --> 00:12:51,310
-Ah, thank you.
-There's your head bonker.
218
00:12:52,037 --> 00:12:54,835
-That looks a vicious weapon.
-No, it's quite harmless, sir.
219
00:12:54,917 --> 00:12:56,350
It's only an old tennis ball.
220
00:12:56,437 --> 00:12:58,951
Yeah. Wouldn't hurt a fly that. Look.
221
00:13:08,197 --> 00:13:09,869
You stupid boy.
222
00:13:11,997 --> 00:13:14,067
Sorry. Your door as well.
223
00:13:17,837 --> 00:13:22,035
Now, this is how we're going to stage the fight.
Pay attention, men.
224
00:13:23,477 --> 00:13:27,026
I shall walk the horse onto the village green...
225
00:13:27,637 --> 00:13:30,754
and the dragon will go round me.
You understand that, Jones?
226
00:13:30,837 --> 00:13:33,431
-The dragon will go round you. Yes, sir.
-That's right.
227
00:13:33,517 --> 00:13:38,910
And then I shall shout,
''Cry God for Harry, England and St George!''
228
00:13:39,397 --> 00:13:40,910
And at that point,
229
00:13:40,997 --> 00:13:43,830
the dragon will paw the ground and charge.
230
00:13:44,317 --> 00:13:46,706
-Paw the ground and charge.
-Right.
231
00:13:46,797 --> 00:13:49,027
-Right, get into the skin.
-Right, get into the skin.
232
00:13:49,117 --> 00:13:52,268
-Help me onto the horse.
-Right, sir. Come round this side, sir.
233
00:13:52,357 --> 00:13:53,756
Here you are, sir.
234
00:13:53,837 --> 00:13:56,032
-Stand on the box.
-One, two, three, up!
235
00:13:56,117 --> 00:13:58,267
Hang on, Mr... There.
236
00:13:58,397 --> 00:14:00,627
-Up! Up!
-Give me your leg. That's it.
237
00:14:03,317 --> 00:14:05,547
Take your hands out, will you?
238
00:14:06,837 --> 00:14:08,475
Hang on a minute.
239
00:14:12,157 --> 00:14:14,512
Excuse me, sir.
Don't you think you ought to be wearing a...
240
00:14:14,597 --> 00:14:17,157
Don't you think you ought to be wearing
a cardboard helmet?
241
00:14:17,237 --> 00:14:19,626
I'm not wearing a cardboard helmet
and that's that.
242
00:14:19,717 --> 00:14:21,673
JONES: The dragon's ready, sir!
243
00:14:21,757 --> 00:14:23,270
Cry God...
244
00:14:23,357 --> 00:14:27,873
for Harry, England and St George!
245
00:14:28,437 --> 00:14:30,109
Right, paw the ground.
246
00:14:30,197 --> 00:14:31,949
Hud on! Hud on!
247
00:14:32,037 --> 00:14:35,154
Smoke is supposed to be coming
out of the mouth, sir.
248
00:14:35,237 --> 00:14:37,512
Jonesy, where's the smoke?
249
00:14:37,597 --> 00:14:39,713
I can't make it work.
250
00:14:39,917 --> 00:14:41,589
Oh, you...
251
00:14:45,917 --> 00:14:49,796
That smoke pouring out of the nostrils,
that'll frighten the wits out of the crowd, Wilson.
252
00:14:49,877 --> 00:14:52,596
The whole thing frightens the wits out of me, sir.
253
00:14:52,677 --> 00:14:55,032
-It's all ready now, sir.
-Ready.
254
00:14:56,357 --> 00:15:01,556
Cry God for Harry, England and St George!
255
00:15:03,317 --> 00:15:04,636
Paw the ground.
256
00:15:04,717 --> 00:15:06,389
(MEN COUGHING)
257
00:15:07,437 --> 00:15:09,155
Where's the smoke?
258
00:15:11,477 --> 00:15:12,990
(COUGHING)
259
00:15:14,437 --> 00:15:17,429
You must realIse
260
00:15:17,517 --> 00:15:21,351
Smoke gets In your eyes
261
00:15:22,157 --> 00:15:23,476
Well, that should do the trick, Jock.
262
00:15:24,517 --> 00:15:26,189
I only hope it works.
263
00:15:26,277 --> 00:15:29,553
Yon Mainwaring must be mad
to wear a real suit of armour.
264
00:15:29,637 --> 00:15:31,707
It's vanity. Sheer vanity.
265
00:15:32,117 --> 00:15:33,869
Captain Mainwaring, sir.
266
00:15:33,957 --> 00:15:35,913
Ready to hoist you, sir. Ready to hoist you.
267
00:15:35,997 --> 00:15:37,715
Right. Help me up.
268
00:15:43,677 --> 00:15:45,429
Why have you brought that stupid-looking dog?
269
00:15:45,517 --> 00:15:48,190
Well, the knights always used to have them, sir.
270
00:15:48,277 --> 00:15:52,748
Why must you give yourself airs all the time?
Why don't you behave normally, like me?
271
00:15:53,637 --> 00:15:56,674
Listen, on Saturday afternoon
272
00:15:56,757 --> 00:16:00,591
we shall assemble here,
mount up and march into the town in procession.
273
00:16:01,397 --> 00:16:04,912
That means we've only got today
to sort out any problems which may arise.
274
00:16:04,997 --> 00:16:08,353
-All right, Pike, go get the horse.
-Yes, Mr Mainwaring.
275
00:16:08,437 --> 00:16:10,189
-Right, sir.
-Right.
276
00:16:13,077 --> 00:16:15,432
This is ridiculous, sir. I mean...
277
00:16:15,797 --> 00:16:18,231
The armour's far too heavy for you.
278
00:16:18,877 --> 00:16:21,027
Don't be defeatist, Wilson.
279
00:16:21,117 --> 00:16:23,551
If our forbearers could wear it,
280
00:16:24,237 --> 00:16:25,386
so can I.
281
00:16:25,477 --> 00:16:27,911
-Private Sponge!
-Yes, Mr Jones.
282
00:16:27,997 --> 00:16:30,716
You're in charge of hauling
Captain Mainwaring up.
283
00:16:30,797 --> 00:16:32,469
And don't let him dangle.
284
00:16:32,557 --> 00:16:34,229
Right. Come on, boys.
285
00:16:35,397 --> 00:16:36,955
Right. Heave!
286
00:16:43,437 --> 00:16:46,429
-You've forgotten your helmet.
-Right. Lower him. Lower him.
287
00:16:46,557 --> 00:16:48,309
Don't let him dangle.
288
00:16:50,357 --> 00:16:52,154
Don't let him dangle. That's right.
289
00:16:56,357 --> 00:16:58,234
You all right, sir?
290
00:16:58,317 --> 00:17:01,627
He can't hear you.
I'm going to open the little door.
291
00:17:01,717 --> 00:17:04,595
-Can you hear me, sir?
-Of course I can hear you. Get on with it.
292
00:17:04,677 --> 00:17:06,554
He's in one of his moods.
293
00:17:06,637 --> 00:17:08,309
Haul away.
294
00:17:13,397 --> 00:17:17,231
Oh, dear. It'd be much better
if Captain Mainwaring would let my sister Dolly
295
00:17:17,317 --> 00:17:19,308
knit him a suit of chain mail.
296
00:17:19,397 --> 00:17:24,187
Don't you worry, Godfrey, son, if anything
goes wrong, we'll get him out with a tin opener.
297
00:17:25,717 --> 00:17:27,469
Walk underneath, Frank.
298
00:17:31,637 --> 00:17:33,355
JONES: Lower.
299
00:17:38,677 --> 00:17:40,588
Why didn't you hold the horse, Frank?
300
00:17:40,677 --> 00:17:43,714
You didn't say nothing about holding him.
You just said bring him through.
301
00:17:43,797 --> 00:17:45,788
Pull him up! Pull him up!
302
00:18:04,917 --> 00:18:07,306
Hold the horse's head, Frank.
303
00:18:07,397 --> 00:18:09,069
I am holding it.
304
00:18:10,357 --> 00:18:12,587
Lower. Lower.
305
00:18:19,917 --> 00:18:21,828
Lift him up! Lift him up!
306
00:18:29,837 --> 00:18:31,634
JONES: Lower, lower.
307
00:18:35,677 --> 00:18:38,874
All set, Mr Mainwaring?
Come on, gee up. Come on.
308
00:18:49,517 --> 00:18:50,950
Ready, Jones?
309
00:18:52,437 --> 00:18:54,109
All ready, sir!
310
00:18:54,197 --> 00:18:56,506
Oh, what a noble figure
Captain Mainwaring makes.
311
00:18:56,597 --> 00:18:59,350
Aye. Noble but stupid.
312
00:19:02,197 --> 00:19:06,475
Cry God for Harry, England
313
00:19:06,557 --> 00:19:10,027
and St George!
314
00:19:17,197 --> 00:19:19,188
Dragon one, St George nil.
315
00:19:20,197 --> 00:19:24,793
I think after all, we'd perhaps better let
Godfrey's sister knit me a suit of armour.
316
00:19:26,997 --> 00:19:30,194
VERGER: Band...attention!
317
00:19:30,557 --> 00:19:33,071
Band and drummers, ready!
318
00:19:33,997 --> 00:19:38,036
By the centre, quick march!
319
00:19:58,637 --> 00:20:02,915
I can't think why you didn't go over
to the theatrical costumiers at Eastcote
320
00:20:02,997 --> 00:20:04,350
like the rest of us.
321
00:20:04,437 --> 00:20:08,350
I didn't want to disappoint Godfrey's sister Dolly.
She's worked on this night and day.
322
00:20:08,837 --> 00:20:10,236
LadIes and gentlemen,
323
00:20:10,317 --> 00:20:13,514
the WalmIngton-on-Sea LadIes Netball Team
324
00:20:13,597 --> 00:20:15,827
present a keep-fIt dIsplay.
325
00:20:27,317 --> 00:20:30,389
(SLOW MUSIC PLAYING ON LOUDSPEAKER)
326
00:20:36,557 --> 00:20:39,276
Oh, they are very nice, they are, Mr Mayor.
327
00:20:39,357 --> 00:20:41,587
Well, if you like that sort of thing.
328
00:20:47,437 --> 00:20:50,156
Will you look at those thighs.
329
00:20:51,677 --> 00:20:53,872
Come away from there, Frazer.
330
00:20:59,277 --> 00:21:01,711
Mr Mainwaring, I feel a fool.
331
00:21:01,797 --> 00:21:03,867
Do stop grumbling, Pike.
332
00:21:04,157 --> 00:21:07,433
Frank, we let you off doing the Squander Bug
so you could be a herald
333
00:21:07,517 --> 00:21:11,351
-and you're still not satisfied.
-I don't like showing my legs.
334
00:21:12,197 --> 00:21:15,234
You know, sir, it's a pity we have to go on
before the Wardens.
335
00:21:15,317 --> 00:21:18,593
Well, Hodges won the toss.
Nothing to be done about it.
336
00:21:19,237 --> 00:21:20,386
Doesn't matter.
337
00:21:20,477 --> 00:21:24,152
After we've done our St George and the dragon,
anything he does will be an anticlimax.
338
00:21:24,237 --> 00:21:28,355
Right, when I tap you with my sword,
you fall over. Is that clear?
339
00:21:30,077 --> 00:21:32,671
Can't wait to see Mainwaring's face
when we get out there.
340
00:21:32,757 --> 00:21:34,236
He'll be green with envy.
341
00:21:34,317 --> 00:21:38,549
I must say, Mr Hodges, I think St George
and the dragon is a simply spiffing idea.
342
00:21:38,637 --> 00:21:40,070
So original.
343
00:21:41,677 --> 00:21:44,874
Hurry up, Mr Yeatman.
Go get changed into your herald's costume.
344
00:21:46,637 --> 00:21:48,229
-Uncle Arthur?
-Hmm?
345
00:21:48,317 --> 00:21:50,592
This trumpet makes a lovely peashooter. Look.
346
00:21:53,677 --> 00:21:54,871
Ow!
347
00:21:54,957 --> 00:21:57,790
-Who did that?
-Stop playing the fool, boy.
348
00:21:58,357 --> 00:22:01,952
I better see if I can get onto the horse
in this costume. Come on.
349
00:22:05,517 --> 00:22:07,951
Hold the horse's head, Frazer.
350
00:22:08,037 --> 00:22:12,588
Hey, you'll never get on wearing that. It's too long.
351
00:22:12,677 --> 00:22:14,747
Just hold the horse's head.
352
00:22:27,837 --> 00:22:29,429
It's too long, Godfrey.
353
00:22:29,517 --> 00:22:31,155
I'm so sorry, sir.
354
00:22:31,237 --> 00:22:34,866
-No use being sorry. What am I going to do?
-Well, pull your skirts up.
355
00:22:40,397 --> 00:22:41,512
It's no good.
356
00:22:41,597 --> 00:22:43,713
Why don't you try side-saddle, sir?
357
00:22:44,717 --> 00:22:46,070
Don't be absurd.
358
00:22:46,157 --> 00:22:48,625
Whoever heard of St George riding side-saddle?
359
00:22:52,597 --> 00:22:54,827
I think I can make some adjustments, sir.
360
00:23:02,557 --> 00:23:04,036
(CROWD CLAPPING)
361
00:23:11,397 --> 00:23:14,036
Thank you, thank you. Well done, ladIes.
362
00:23:14,957 --> 00:23:20,077
Now, the next Item on the agenda Is a dIsplayby the Eastgate MorrIs Dancers.
363
00:23:39,357 --> 00:23:40,949
That'll be all right, sir.
364
00:23:41,037 --> 00:23:44,632
When you get on the horse,
you can drape it around you discreetly.
365
00:23:44,717 --> 00:23:47,436
Yes, well, I suppose it'll have to do.
Thank you very much, Godfrey.
366
00:23:47,517 --> 00:23:49,189
Bah!
367
00:23:49,277 --> 00:23:51,108
Yon Eastgate Morris Dancers are rotten.
368
00:23:51,197 --> 00:23:54,030
Why aren't we doing our morris dance,
Captain Mainwaring?
369
00:23:54,117 --> 00:23:57,075
St George and the dragon
is much more spectacular.
370
00:23:57,157 --> 00:23:59,910
I bet the crowd's never seen
anything like this before.
371
00:24:00,917 --> 00:24:02,236
That's a fact.
372
00:24:03,477 --> 00:24:06,594
Get into the dragon skin, Jones.
Come and help me mount, Wilson.
373
00:24:07,397 --> 00:24:09,627
-Get out of the way, boy.
-I'm sorry.
374
00:24:24,117 --> 00:24:26,233
Wilson, my helmet, please.
375
00:24:27,397 --> 00:24:28,750
Thank you.
376
00:24:49,717 --> 00:24:50,945
Hey!
377
00:24:57,357 --> 00:24:59,917
And now we come to the grand fInale,
378
00:25:00,077 --> 00:25:04,912
whIch Is a shared Item performed bythe Wardens and the Home Guard.
379
00:25:05,637 --> 00:25:08,674
FIrst, CaptaIn MaInwarIng's platoonwIll perform a...
380
00:25:09,637 --> 00:25:12,754
''spectacular medIeval extravaganza. ''
381
00:25:31,997 --> 00:25:34,033
(BUGLE PLAYING)
382
00:25:39,237 --> 00:25:40,670
(BUGLE PLAYING)
383
00:25:43,277 --> 00:25:47,589
-What's that stupid soppy-looking boy doing?
-He's dressed like me, Mr Hodges.
384
00:25:48,037 --> 00:25:50,995
-Here, Maurice.
-What is it, Tracy?
385
00:25:51,077 --> 00:25:53,591
Mainwaring's lot are doing
St George and the dragon as well.
386
00:25:53,677 --> 00:25:55,588
You'll be a real laughing stock.
387
00:25:56,077 --> 00:25:58,637
I'll kill him. Quick! Get out there!
388
00:25:59,557 --> 00:26:01,036
And you get into that dragon skin.
389
00:26:01,117 --> 00:26:03,836
Stop handling me.
You know I don't like being handled.
390
00:26:03,917 --> 00:26:05,873
Shut up and get on with it!
391
00:26:08,957 --> 00:26:11,425
(CROWD CLAPPING)
392
00:26:17,157 --> 00:26:18,590
(CROWD CHEERING)
393
00:26:28,637 --> 00:26:31,913
Well, well, what a wonderful surprIse,ladIes and gentlemen.
394
00:26:32,037 --> 00:26:35,313
CaptaIn MaInwarIng Is goIng to fIght the dragon.
395
00:26:35,397 --> 00:26:37,388
(BUGLING)
396
00:26:42,557 --> 00:26:44,354
What does that fool think he's up to?
397
00:26:44,437 --> 00:26:46,507
I've really no idea, sir.
398
00:26:47,677 --> 00:26:49,349
(CROWD CHEERING)
399
00:27:03,237 --> 00:27:04,989
Get off this field, Hodges!
400
00:27:05,077 --> 00:27:06,396
(JEERING)
401
00:27:07,797 --> 00:27:08,912
Here!
402
00:27:11,797 --> 00:27:13,833
What's your game? Clear off.
403
00:27:13,917 --> 00:27:17,671
We'll do nothing of the sort.
You clear off, you silly fellow.
404
00:27:17,757 --> 00:27:20,271
Look here, Vicar, we thought of it first.
405
00:27:20,357 --> 00:27:22,029
Oh, no, you didn't.
406
00:27:22,437 --> 00:27:25,190
Well, don't say you haven't been warned.
407
00:27:27,477 --> 00:27:31,265
Oh. It looks as though Mr HodgesIs goIng to fIght the dragon.
408
00:27:36,957 --> 00:27:38,629
No. I tell a lIe.
409
00:27:38,917 --> 00:27:41,306
The dragon Is goIng to fIght the dragon.
410
00:27:57,117 --> 00:28:00,268
Right, Napoleon! You've asked for it!
411
00:28:01,197 --> 00:28:03,233
I'm not afraid of you, Hodges.
412
00:28:14,277 --> 00:28:15,949
(GRUNTING)
413
00:28:16,837 --> 00:28:19,635
Now the two St Georges are fIghtIng each other.
414
00:28:20,317 --> 00:28:23,036
ThIs Is certaInly gIvIng hIstory a new twIst.
415
00:28:36,997 --> 00:28:39,795
Do be careful, sir. What are we going to do, Frank?
416
00:28:39,877 --> 00:28:43,392
Oh, it's ever so good, Uncle Arthur.
It's like that film, RobIn Hood.
417
00:28:53,517 --> 00:28:55,712
(CROWD CHEERING)
418
00:29:15,557 --> 00:29:17,388
We must do something, Frank.
419
00:29:17,517 --> 00:29:19,712
-You leave it to me, Uncle Arthur.
-Hmm?
420
00:29:28,797 --> 00:29:31,072
You flipping hooligans!
421
00:29:44,997 --> 00:29:46,510
(CROWD CHEERING)
422
00:29:46,560 --> 00:29:51,110
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