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1
00:02:27,133 --> 00:02:29,267
Oh, Mighty One,
2
00:02:29,333 --> 00:02:32,067
the first caravan of
the day has arrived
3
00:02:32,133 --> 00:02:35,333
from Samarkand for
your inspection.
4
00:02:35,400 --> 00:02:38,967
(trumpet fanfare)
5
00:02:39,067 --> 00:02:40,767
'Tis poor quality, oh, mighty one.
6
00:02:40,833 --> 00:02:42,567
I'm merely passing through
on my way to Venice.
7
00:02:42,633 --> 00:02:44,800
Oh, just passing through, are you?
8
00:02:44,867 --> 00:02:47,067
Well, I'm afraid that
attracts both import
9
00:02:47,133 --> 00:02:48,733
and export duties.
10
00:02:48,800 --> 00:02:51,567
Oh, yes, 100 in and 100 out.
11
00:02:51,633 --> 00:02:53,233
200%?
12
00:02:54,733 --> 00:02:56,066
It's not for nothing
that the mighty one
13
00:02:56,067 --> 00:02:58,067
is called Abdul the Benevolent.
14
00:02:58,133 --> 00:02:59,600
I know, I know, I'm
a fool to myself.
15
00:02:59,667 --> 00:03:01,967
Oh, Mighty One, please have mercy
16
00:03:02,067 --> 00:03:03,533
on a penniless merchant.
17
00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:04,700
I'll be ruined.
18
00:03:04,767 --> 00:03:06,900
Next.
19
00:03:12,533 --> 00:03:13,867
What's this lot, then?
20
00:03:13,933 --> 00:03:15,400
Garden ornaments and pottery?
21
00:03:15,467 --> 00:03:18,200
No, no, this is medicinal
herbs from China.
22
00:03:18,267 --> 00:03:20,367
This one is rhubarb. Huh.
23
00:03:20,433 --> 00:03:22,467
And what of the other one?
24
00:03:22,533 --> 00:03:24,167
Oh, this one is ginger.
25
00:03:24,233 --> 00:03:25,799
Oh... is he?
26
00:03:25,800 --> 00:03:26,934
Well, perhaps you'd
better give him
27
00:03:27,100 --> 00:03:28,100
a stick of rhubarb, then.
28
00:03:28,101 --> 00:03:29,700
Pharmaceuticals, 200%.
29
00:03:29,767 --> 00:03:33,367
Oh, Mighty One, this will ruin me.
30
00:03:33,433 --> 00:03:34,733
Yes, yes.
31
00:03:34,800 --> 00:03:36,133
The soup kitchen's that way.
32
00:03:36,200 --> 00:03:38,900
I am ruined.
33
00:03:38,967 --> 00:03:40,267
Ruined.
34
00:03:40,333 --> 00:03:42,667
Oh...
35
00:03:42,733 --> 00:03:43,967
Whoops.
36
00:03:44,067 --> 00:03:45,767
What's that powder?
37
00:03:50,867 --> 00:03:53,133
It's p-p-p...
38
00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:54,600
pepper.
39
00:03:54,667 --> 00:03:57,233
And what is the street
value of this pepper?
40
00:03:57,300 --> 00:03:58,800
Come on, own up.
41
00:03:58,867 --> 00:04:00,433
Value nothing... In China,
42
00:04:00,500 --> 00:04:02,267
we have no streets.
43
00:04:02,333 --> 00:04:03,700
Pepper peddler.
44
00:04:03,767 --> 00:04:05,933
Fine him... double.
45
00:04:06,067 --> 00:04:07,900
That's 1000%.
46
00:04:07,967 --> 00:04:09,200
I said double.
47
00:04:09,267 --> 00:04:10,700
That's 2,000.
48
00:04:10,767 --> 00:04:12,267
1,000, 2,000?
49
00:04:12,333 --> 00:04:13,933
That's 3,000.
50
00:04:14,067 --> 00:04:16,267
I am ruined.
51
00:04:16,333 --> 00:04:17,767
Ruined...
52
00:04:18,867 --> 00:04:20,200
Good.
53
00:04:20,267 --> 00:04:21,600
Next...
54
00:04:26,500 --> 00:04:29,367
Well, here's one ruined
before he started.
55
00:04:29,433 --> 00:04:32,233
That's far enough.
56
00:04:34,767 --> 00:04:35,833
What's he bringing in?
57
00:04:35,900 --> 00:04:37,500
It's not perfume, that's for sure.
58
00:04:37,567 --> 00:04:39,700
No, this one is a messenger.
59
00:04:39,767 --> 00:04:40,767
Oh, good.
60
00:04:40,768 --> 00:04:42,067
What do we charge on messages?
61
00:04:42,100 --> 00:04:43,200
Oh, no, no, no, no.
62
00:04:43,267 --> 00:04:45,500
Oh, Mighty One, the
message is for you.
63
00:04:45,567 --> 00:04:47,367
For me? Yeah.
64
00:04:47,433 --> 00:04:50,700
I come hotfoot from Lisbon.
65
00:04:50,767 --> 00:04:52,167
He brings news of
what the Lisbonians
66
00:04:52,233 --> 00:04:53,233
are getting up to.
67
00:04:53,240 --> 00:04:54,539
Well, I don't care
what they get up to,
68
00:04:54,540 --> 00:04:55,874
as long as they don't
do it in the street
69
00:04:55,875 --> 00:04:58,200
- and frighten the camels.
- No, no, the city of Lisbon.
70
00:04:58,267 --> 00:05:00,300
Oh, the one in Portugal.
71
00:05:00,367 --> 00:05:01,933
Quite correct, Oh, Mighty One.
72
00:05:02,067 --> 00:05:03,433
And, if I'm not mistaken,
73
00:05:03,500 --> 00:05:06,467
he brings you a message
from Achmed the Shoemaker.
74
00:05:06,533 --> 00:05:08,600
Our secret agent in Lisbon.
75
00:05:08,667 --> 00:05:09,667
Right, right, right.
76
00:05:09,668 --> 00:05:12,733
And, where is this message?
77
00:05:14,667 --> 00:05:17,567
It's, it's in my boot.
78
00:05:17,633 --> 00:05:18,767
May I take it off?
79
00:05:18,833 --> 00:05:20,267
Oh... oh, well...
80
00:05:20,333 --> 00:05:23,533
very well, if you must.
81
00:05:25,100 --> 00:05:27,533
It's a bit hard, Your Highness.
82
00:05:27,600 --> 00:05:29,133
I haven't had it off in a year.
83
00:05:29,200 --> 00:05:30,767
Yeah, and I can't
say I'm surprised.
84
00:05:35,600 --> 00:05:38,433
"Oh, Mighty Sultan...
85
00:05:38,500 --> 00:05:41,533
"A certain Christopher Columbus,
86
00:05:41,600 --> 00:05:43,533
"who has the map-making
shop next to me,
87
00:05:43,600 --> 00:05:46,167
claims he can reach
the Indies by sea."
88
00:05:46,233 --> 00:05:48,267
By sea? By sea?
89
00:05:48,333 --> 00:05:50,767
But if he succeeds, no trade
will pass through Turkey.
90
00:05:50,833 --> 00:05:52,233
And we shall be ruined.
91
00:05:52,300 --> 00:05:53,300
Ruined.
92
00:05:53,367 --> 00:05:56,567
Summon Fatima the Circassian.
93
00:06:24,533 --> 00:06:27,567
You rang, Oh, Mighty One?
94
00:06:27,633 --> 00:06:30,167
Well, Fatima...
95
00:06:30,233 --> 00:06:32,467
You're off to Lisbon on
our swiftest galley.
96
00:06:32,533 --> 00:06:35,333
There, you must meet with
Achmed the Shoemaker.
97
00:06:35,400 --> 00:06:37,333
I want you to keep an
eye on his doings.
98
00:06:37,400 --> 00:06:39,833
As you command, Oh, Mighty One.
99
00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:43,300
I cannot emphasise the
seriousness of your mission.
100
00:06:43,367 --> 00:06:46,467
For should this mariner
Columbus find a way by sea
101
00:06:46,533 --> 00:06:48,267
to the Indies, we
shall all be ruined.
102
00:06:48,333 --> 00:06:51,833
And I shall be forced
to make drastic cuts.
103
00:06:53,500 --> 00:06:54,867
Where's the wazir?
104
00:06:54,933 --> 00:06:56,066
Well, he was here.
105
00:06:56,067 --> 00:06:57,467
But I think you put
the wind up him.
106
00:06:57,533 --> 00:07:00,500
Then it all depends
on you, Fatima.
107
00:07:00,567 --> 00:07:03,067
And should this Columbus
have a route...
108
00:07:03,100 --> 00:07:06,833
Be assured I shall
get my hands on it.
109
00:07:07,967 --> 00:07:09,433
Good girl.
110
00:07:20,567 --> 00:07:21,700
Christopher Columbus?
111
00:07:21,767 --> 00:07:23,133
At your service, sir.
112
00:07:23,200 --> 00:07:24,633
I'm told you're an Italian.
113
00:07:24,700 --> 00:07:26,433
Oh, indeed I am, sir, mwah.
114
00:07:26,500 --> 00:07:27,500
From Genoa.
115
00:07:27,533 --> 00:07:30,100
Mm, well, I'm planning
an expedition.
116
00:07:30,167 --> 00:07:31,733
Fancy that... So am I.
117
00:07:31,800 --> 00:07:33,200
Oh, where to?
118
00:07:33,267 --> 00:07:34,767
Well, I seek a route
119
00:07:34,833 --> 00:07:36,533
across the great sea of gloom
120
00:07:36,600 --> 00:07:38,433
to China and the Indies.
121
00:07:38,500 --> 00:07:39,700
Do you indeed?
122
00:07:39,767 --> 00:07:41,100
Well, I'm off to Italy,
123
00:07:41,167 --> 00:07:42,967
and I seek a good, reliable map.
124
00:07:43,067 --> 00:07:45,400
Oh, well, in that case,
please be seated.
125
00:07:45,467 --> 00:07:47,633
And I shall ask my brother
what we have in stock.
126
00:07:47,700 --> 00:07:49,700
Ah, thank you.
127
00:07:49,767 --> 00:07:51,933
Customer wants a map of Italy.
128
00:07:52,065 --> 00:07:53,065
No, we've sold out.
129
00:07:53,066 --> 00:07:54,133
Tell him to come back next week.
130
00:07:54,134 --> 00:07:55,401
No, he wants it now.
131
00:07:55,467 --> 00:07:56,900
Chris, you can't sell
him a map of Italy
132
00:07:56,967 --> 00:07:58,100
if we don't have one.
133
00:07:58,167 --> 00:08:00,067
Who can't?
134
00:08:00,967 --> 00:08:02,500
Here we are, sir.
135
00:08:02,567 --> 00:08:05,567
One map of Italy, 500 maravedis.
136
00:08:05,633 --> 00:08:07,467
Well, let me see it first.
137
00:08:11,067 --> 00:08:12,267
There we are.
138
00:08:15,533 --> 00:08:16,800
I can't take that home.
139
00:08:16,867 --> 00:08:17,867
Why, what's wrong with it?
140
00:08:17,933 --> 00:08:19,267
Well, look at it.
141
00:08:19,333 --> 00:08:22,067
Yeah, well, they've had
a bit of soil erosion.
142
00:08:22,100 --> 00:08:23,433
Made it go in a bit there.
143
00:08:23,500 --> 00:08:25,133
And the volcanic
activity down there,
144
00:08:25,200 --> 00:08:26,767
it made it go out a bit.
145
00:08:26,833 --> 00:08:28,500
We can have it touched up for you.
146
00:08:28,567 --> 00:08:31,067
I'm referring to the
naked mermaids.
147
00:08:31,133 --> 00:08:32,467
We could have them
touched up as well.
148
00:08:38,600 --> 00:08:40,467
"Achmed the Shoemaker,
149
00:08:40,533 --> 00:08:42,467
"Barber and Surgeon,
150
00:08:42,533 --> 00:08:44,467
Christian Convert."
151
00:08:46,799 --> 00:08:47,799
Thank you.
152
00:08:47,800 --> 00:08:49,800
And "Cobblers to the Pope."
153
00:08:52,533 --> 00:08:54,967
Take a seat, sir. No waiting.
154
00:08:55,067 --> 00:08:57,133
Fatima waits for no man.
155
00:08:58,200 --> 00:08:59,533
Fatima, what are you doing here?
156
00:08:59,600 --> 00:09:00,933
What's happening?
157
00:09:01,067 --> 00:09:02,533
I have come from the sultan.
158
00:09:02,600 --> 00:09:05,800
You've cut my ear off.
159
00:09:05,867 --> 00:09:07,533
Don't worry, sir.
160
00:09:07,600 --> 00:09:09,533
I'll soon stick it back on.
161
00:09:12,567 --> 00:09:14,500
Another complaint about your maps.
162
00:09:14,567 --> 00:09:16,167
Who from? The cardinal.
163
00:09:16,233 --> 00:09:17,233
What, too many mermaids?
164
00:09:17,234 --> 00:09:19,667
No, not enough cherubs.
165
00:09:19,733 --> 00:09:21,267
You know, I tell you,
the sooner we find
166
00:09:21,333 --> 00:09:23,200
a route to the Indies and
get out of this business,
167
00:09:23,267 --> 00:09:24,500
the better.
168
00:09:24,567 --> 00:09:26,066
Well, I'm off to Italy next week.
169
00:09:26,067 --> 00:09:28,867
Michelangelo wants to do
me up on the ceiling.
170
00:09:28,933 --> 00:09:30,467
Well, you mind you
hang on to something
171
00:09:30,533 --> 00:09:31,667
while you're up there.
172
00:09:31,733 --> 00:09:34,533
Now listen, the sultan
has sent me here
173
00:09:34,600 --> 00:09:36,400
to be in charge of operations.
174
00:09:36,467 --> 00:09:38,200
Well, you weren't much
help with the ear.
175
00:09:38,267 --> 00:09:39,900
What news of Columbus?
176
00:09:39,967 --> 00:09:41,233
Not a lot.
177
00:09:41,300 --> 00:09:43,267
But do you keep him
under observation?
178
00:09:43,333 --> 00:09:45,367
Yeah, of course.
179
00:09:45,433 --> 00:09:46,700
By what means?
180
00:09:46,767 --> 00:09:47,767
Ah.
181
00:09:50,400 --> 00:09:52,867
What a giant step in espionage.
182
00:09:52,933 --> 00:09:57,067
Yeah, well, I was 20 years
in naval intelligence.
183
00:09:57,100 --> 00:10:00,033
(sexy jazz music)
184
00:10:06,200 --> 00:10:08,133
Do you mind if I look?
185
00:10:08,200 --> 00:10:09,533
There's nothing to look at.
186
00:10:09,600 --> 00:10:11,267
Then why are you so keen?
187
00:10:11,333 --> 00:10:14,467
That's how I get to the
bottom of his enterprises.
188
00:10:16,333 --> 00:10:18,667
Do you think the sultan pays you
189
00:10:18,733 --> 00:10:20,100
to look at naked women?
190
00:10:20,167 --> 00:10:21,533
What naked women?
191
00:10:23,467 --> 00:10:25,000
Well, that's it for today.
192
00:10:25,067 --> 00:10:26,067
Agh.
193
00:10:26,068 --> 00:10:28,900
Hmph, serves you right.
194
00:10:30,700 --> 00:10:31,867
Good day, sir.
195
00:10:31,933 --> 00:10:33,200
I believe you are
Christopher Columbus.
196
00:10:33,201 --> 00:10:34,201
That is true, excellence.
197
00:10:34,202 --> 00:10:35,533
I am Mordecai Mendoza,
198
00:10:35,600 --> 00:10:36,800
formerly of the Jewish faith,
199
00:10:36,867 --> 00:10:38,533
but now a convert to Christianity.
200
00:10:38,600 --> 00:10:39,767
Are you collecting for something?
201
00:10:39,833 --> 00:10:42,200
Collecting... no, no, no,
I've come here to help you.
202
00:10:42,267 --> 00:10:44,533
I understand that you are
seeking a safe passage
203
00:10:44,600 --> 00:10:46,267
across the Great Sea of Gloom.
204
00:10:46,333 --> 00:10:47,633
Yes. Yes, sir.
205
00:10:47,700 --> 00:10:50,233
It's an ancient Hebrew manuscript,
206
00:10:50,300 --> 00:10:52,800
the logbook of Moysha
the Navigator.
207
00:10:52,867 --> 00:10:54,033
Moysha the Navigator?
208
00:10:54,100 --> 00:10:55,667
The first man to sail
around the world
209
00:10:55,733 --> 00:10:57,833
in the year 207 B.C.
210
00:10:57,900 --> 00:10:59,033
That's incredible.
211
00:10:59,100 --> 00:11:00,833
Where can we talk in private?
212
00:11:00,900 --> 00:11:02,200
Oh. Thank you.
213
00:11:03,500 --> 00:11:04,633
Ooh.
214
00:11:06,433 --> 00:11:08,067
I knew there was a
route to the Indies.
215
00:11:08,133 --> 00:11:09,133
Now I've found it.
216
00:11:09,133 --> 00:11:10,133
It's in Hebrew.
217
00:11:10,134 --> 00:11:12,133
- It might as well be in Chinese.
- I speak that as well.
218
00:11:12,134 --> 00:11:13,733
Also, I'm a master mariner.
219
00:11:13,800 --> 00:11:15,433
I have everything
necessary for the voyage.
220
00:11:15,500 --> 00:11:16,767
Good, have you got a ship?
221
00:11:16,833 --> 00:11:18,067
Well, no, haven't you?
222
00:11:18,133 --> 00:11:19,300
No.
223
00:11:19,367 --> 00:11:20,900
What a job coming in
here... No, no, no, look.
224
00:11:20,967 --> 00:11:22,333
Hang on a bit, hang on a bit.
225
00:11:22,400 --> 00:11:23,533
Because I can get one.
226
00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:25,267
I can raise the money.
227
00:11:25,333 --> 00:11:26,333
I have an audience
228
00:11:26,334 --> 00:11:28,067
with Queen Isabella of Spain.
229
00:11:28,133 --> 00:11:29,733
We'll show her the
documents, travel tomorrow.
230
00:11:29,800 --> 00:11:31,600
Spain, I can't carry
this to Spain.
231
00:11:31,667 --> 00:11:33,367
Why not? Well, the
Spanish Inquisition.
232
00:11:33,433 --> 00:11:35,567
I'll be arrested. No,
no, you are a convert.
233
00:11:35,633 --> 00:11:38,066
Well, they're making it
especially hot for converts.
234
00:11:38,067 --> 00:11:39,867
Any convert found with a
book or a document in Hebrew
235
00:11:39,933 --> 00:11:41,133
is burned alive.
236
00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:42,867
Look, perhaps it's best
if I took the document.
237
00:11:42,933 --> 00:11:44,500
Well, you carry this to Spain?
238
00:11:44,567 --> 00:11:46,067
Look, don't worry,
I won't steal it.
239
00:11:46,100 --> 00:11:47,467
I know you won't.
240
00:11:47,533 --> 00:11:49,700
I'm coming with you.
241
00:11:49,767 --> 00:11:53,700
Inform the sultan
we leave for Spain.
242
00:11:57,633 --> 00:12:00,300
Lord Torquemada,
243
00:12:00,367 --> 00:12:04,200
we are assembled here before you
244
00:12:04,267 --> 00:12:07,800
to ask your blessing.
245
00:12:07,867 --> 00:12:09,567
Answer me in turn.
246
00:12:09,633 --> 00:12:11,867
What is the purpose of our order?
247
00:12:11,933 --> 00:12:14,967
To strike terror into the hearts
248
00:12:15,067 --> 00:12:16,700
of Jews and Muslims.
249
00:12:16,767 --> 00:12:18,667
And how is this to be done?
250
00:12:18,733 --> 00:12:24,433
By interrogation under torture.
251
00:12:24,500 --> 00:12:27,500
And how are they to be detected?
252
00:12:27,567 --> 00:12:30,300
By offering them forbidden food,
253
00:12:30,367 --> 00:12:34,100
such as pork and ham.
254
00:12:35,800 --> 00:12:37,200
Here, where has he gone?
255
00:12:37,267 --> 00:12:41,700
To cut the ham sandwiches.
256
00:12:44,167 --> 00:12:45,333
And stay out.
257
00:12:45,400 --> 00:12:46,633
Hey, what's that?
258
00:12:46,700 --> 00:12:48,767
Look, will you stop worrying?
259
00:12:48,833 --> 00:12:50,533
Tomorrow, we show the
queen the scroll.
260
00:12:50,600 --> 00:12:52,433
After that, you'll be
under her protection.
261
00:12:52,500 --> 00:12:55,067
That's tomorrow...
How about tonight?
262
00:12:55,100 --> 00:12:56,433
Just keep walking.
263
00:12:56,500 --> 00:12:57,500
Leave everything to me.
264
00:12:57,533 --> 00:12:58,900
Huh. Evening, brothers.
265
00:13:04,067 --> 00:13:05,467
A moment.
266
00:13:07,100 --> 00:13:11,233
Would you care for a ham sandwich?
267
00:13:11,300 --> 00:13:13,467
Oh, we'd love one.
268
00:13:26,767 --> 00:13:28,267
I can't eat this.
269
00:13:28,333 --> 00:13:31,967
And why not?
270
00:13:32,067 --> 00:13:34,167
There's no mustard on it.
271
00:13:34,233 --> 00:13:35,733
No mustard on it.
272
00:13:35,800 --> 00:13:36,800
Well, there wasn't.
273
00:13:36,801 --> 00:13:39,133
Mine was covered in
fluff, and I ate it.
274
00:13:39,200 --> 00:13:41,467
Help the poor, sir.
275
00:13:41,533 --> 00:13:44,333
Help the starving and the needy.
276
00:13:48,433 --> 00:13:50,200
Oh, thank you, sir, thank you.
277
00:13:50,267 --> 00:13:51,967
Sleep well.
278
00:13:59,367 --> 00:14:00,567
I'll search the room.
279
00:14:00,633 --> 00:14:02,333
You watch out for the others.
280
00:14:35,767 --> 00:14:37,200
They're coming.
281
00:14:50,467 --> 00:14:52,800
Oh... what are you doing in there?
282
00:14:54,200 --> 00:14:56,533
I came for a further contribution.
283
00:14:56,600 --> 00:14:57,933
And did he give you one?
284
00:14:58,067 --> 00:15:00,767
Good night, gentlemen.
285
00:15:07,433 --> 00:15:10,533
But, Columbus, we are an
impoverished country.
286
00:15:10,600 --> 00:15:12,100
Exactly, sire.
287
00:15:12,167 --> 00:15:14,367
And the only answer
to Spain's problem
288
00:15:14,433 --> 00:15:15,767
is to speculate.
289
00:15:15,833 --> 00:15:18,867
One must speculate to accumulate.
290
00:15:18,933 --> 00:15:20,933
Unfortunately, one
has to accumulate
291
00:15:21,067 --> 00:15:23,367
before one can
afford to speculate.
292
00:15:23,433 --> 00:15:26,133
Precisely, sire, and how
better to accumulate
293
00:15:26,200 --> 00:15:28,767
than to acquire in one fell swoop
294
00:15:28,833 --> 00:15:31,367
all the treasures of the Indies?
295
00:15:31,433 --> 00:15:33,367
How right you are, Columbus.
296
00:15:33,433 --> 00:15:35,167
How wise.
297
00:15:35,233 --> 00:15:37,867
What makes you think
he's up to it?
298
00:15:37,933 --> 00:15:39,667
I have seen his testimonials.
299
00:15:40,900 --> 00:15:43,367
Yeah, I'm sure you have.
300
00:15:43,433 --> 00:15:45,067
But we can't afford it.
301
00:15:45,100 --> 00:15:48,233
Perhaps if we economised
on certain articles
302
00:15:48,300 --> 00:15:49,433
around the court...
303
00:15:51,133 --> 00:15:53,367
Oh... yes.
304
00:15:56,133 --> 00:15:57,733
Esmeralda.
305
00:15:57,800 --> 00:16:00,533
My dear... how are you?
306
00:16:00,600 --> 00:16:01,800
Oh, very well.
307
00:16:01,867 --> 00:16:04,067
My husband, the Count,
308
00:16:04,133 --> 00:16:05,633
has got the Canaries.
309
00:16:05,700 --> 00:16:09,533
Oh, dear, poor man...
Is he in much pain?
310
00:16:09,600 --> 00:16:12,433
His cousin, the king,
has made him governor
311
00:16:12,500 --> 00:16:14,833
of the Canary Islands.
312
00:16:14,900 --> 00:16:16,100
Oh, how nice.
313
00:16:17,367 --> 00:16:19,067
When will you sail?
314
00:16:19,100 --> 00:16:20,800
Next week... it's such a nuisance
315
00:16:20,867 --> 00:16:22,400
because, later in the year,
316
00:16:22,467 --> 00:16:23,833
we have to come back.
317
00:16:23,900 --> 00:16:24,900
Why?
318
00:16:24,933 --> 00:16:26,433
My daughter Maria is to wed
319
00:16:26,500 --> 00:16:28,333
the Duke of Costa Brava.
320
00:16:28,400 --> 00:16:29,800
What, him?
321
00:16:29,867 --> 00:16:33,300
I... now, I... Oh, what?
322
00:16:33,367 --> 00:16:34,533
I beg your pardon, madam.
323
00:16:34,600 --> 00:16:35,867
But he's... He's...
324
00:16:35,933 --> 00:16:38,167
He's in the prime of life.
325
00:16:38,233 --> 00:16:39,500
And one of the richest
men in Spain.
326
00:16:39,567 --> 00:16:40,567
Do you know him?
327
00:16:40,568 --> 00:16:41,967
Of course.
328
00:16:42,067 --> 00:16:43,200
Chiquita.
329
00:16:46,733 --> 00:16:48,667
Later, darling.
330
00:16:48,733 --> 00:16:49,900
Milady.
331
00:16:49,967 --> 00:16:53,300
You are here to chaperone Maria.
332
00:16:53,367 --> 00:16:54,667
Yes, Milady.
333
00:16:54,733 --> 00:16:58,667
Remember, men who
seduce young women
334
00:16:58,733 --> 00:17:00,733
lurk everywhere.
335
00:17:00,800 --> 00:17:02,733
Yes, Milady, that is why
336
00:17:02,800 --> 00:17:05,500
I was keeping my eye
on the soldiers.
337
00:17:18,133 --> 00:17:20,500
Do you await an audience, sir?
338
00:17:20,567 --> 00:17:21,733
No, I'm with my brother.
339
00:17:21,800 --> 00:17:24,066
He's in there with the queen.
340
00:17:24,067 --> 00:17:25,933
You're not Spanish, are you?
341
00:17:26,067 --> 00:17:28,167
I'm Italian, actually, a painter.
342
00:17:28,233 --> 00:17:30,467
Oh, I adore art.
343
00:17:30,533 --> 00:17:32,600
Do you know, perchance,
Leonardo Da Vinci?
344
00:17:32,667 --> 00:17:33,667
Oh, Lenny?
345
00:17:33,700 --> 00:17:35,733
Yes, very well, and
of course, Mick.
346
00:17:35,800 --> 00:17:36,800
Mick?
347
00:17:36,867 --> 00:17:38,066
Michelangelo?
348
00:17:38,067 --> 00:17:39,800
Then, of course, there's old Mona.
349
00:17:39,867 --> 00:17:41,967
Oh... so you know my mother.
350
00:17:42,067 --> 00:17:45,233
I was telling her how you met.
351
00:17:45,300 --> 00:17:46,933
Who, met who, who?
352
00:17:47,067 --> 00:17:48,100
My daughter.
353
00:17:48,167 --> 00:17:49,633
Your betrothed. Her betrothed?
354
00:17:49,700 --> 00:17:51,667
Ooh, yes... betrothed.
355
00:17:51,733 --> 00:17:53,233
They met horse riding.
356
00:17:53,300 --> 00:17:55,066
It was love at first sight.
357
00:17:55,067 --> 00:17:57,867
But... is he... able to?
358
00:17:57,933 --> 00:17:59,300
I mean, can he...
359
00:17:59,367 --> 00:18:00,467
But of course he can.
360
00:18:00,533 --> 00:18:02,300
He has two men who
lift him on and off.
361
00:18:02,367 --> 00:18:04,733
Lift him on and off... what?
362
00:18:04,800 --> 00:18:06,500
Well, his horse, of course.
363
00:18:06,567 --> 00:18:08,067
Very well.
364
00:18:08,100 --> 00:18:09,567
Columbus, I've been persuaded
365
00:18:09,633 --> 00:18:12,067
to finance your expedition.
366
00:18:12,100 --> 00:18:13,833
Thank you, sire.
367
00:18:13,900 --> 00:18:16,567
Have you a list of
your requirements?
368
00:18:16,633 --> 00:18:17,633
I have them here.
369
00:18:17,634 --> 00:18:18,900
I'll make it brief.
370
00:18:18,967 --> 00:18:21,067
Firstly, the ship and supplies.
371
00:18:21,133 --> 00:18:23,833
Secondly, that I be
appointed Lord High Admiral
372
00:18:23,900 --> 00:18:25,600
and raised to the nobility.
373
00:18:25,667 --> 00:18:27,700
Thirdly, that I am made
viceroy and governor
374
00:18:27,767 --> 00:18:30,633
of all the Indies,
including Japan, China,
375
00:18:30,700 --> 00:18:32,633
and anywhere else I find.
376
00:18:32,700 --> 00:18:33,700
Plus...
377
00:18:33,701 --> 00:18:34,967
Plus what?
378
00:18:35,067 --> 00:18:37,100
10% of all the treasure.
379
00:18:37,167 --> 00:18:38,533
Guards.
380
00:18:38,600 --> 00:18:39,767
Remove him.
381
00:18:39,833 --> 00:18:41,500
No, sire, look, you're
making a big mistake.
382
00:18:41,567 --> 00:18:42,701
Stop it, will you
let go of my arm?
383
00:18:42,768 --> 00:18:43,768
There's need for the back...
384
00:18:43,769 --> 00:18:46,066
You're throwing away a fortune.
385
00:18:46,067 --> 00:18:47,633
Ha. How did it go?
386
00:18:47,700 --> 00:18:48,800
What's happening?
387
00:18:48,867 --> 00:18:50,133
They're thinking about it.
388
00:18:56,767 --> 00:18:58,800
Would you mind moving that back?
389
00:18:58,867 --> 00:19:01,400
I can't see anything.
390
00:19:01,467 --> 00:19:02,700
You never can.
391
00:19:02,767 --> 00:19:05,133
Columbus offers you all
the wealth of the Indies,
392
00:19:05,200 --> 00:19:07,133
and you have him thrown out.
393
00:19:07,200 --> 00:19:08,633
He wanted 10%.
394
00:19:08,700 --> 00:19:11,300
10%.
395
00:19:11,367 --> 00:19:13,133
Leaving you 90,
396
00:19:13,200 --> 00:19:16,300
90% of all the wealth
of the Indies.
397
00:19:16,367 --> 00:19:19,633
Do you have any idea how
much gold there is in China?
398
00:19:19,700 --> 00:19:22,066
No, no... do you?
399
00:19:22,067 --> 00:19:24,066
Hmph, well, there has to
be more than you've got.
400
00:19:24,067 --> 00:19:26,500
One candle between the two of us.
401
00:19:26,567 --> 00:19:28,867
Never mind what I've got.
402
00:19:28,933 --> 00:19:31,300
What's this Columbus
got that you're after?
403
00:19:31,367 --> 00:19:33,767
Me after?
404
00:19:33,833 --> 00:19:36,400
What about that brazen
hussy at court?
405
00:19:36,467 --> 00:19:39,133
I see she's wearing a
new gold necklace.
406
00:19:39,200 --> 00:19:40,933
And where did she get that from?
407
00:19:41,067 --> 00:19:42,567
Nobody knows, do they?
408
00:19:42,633 --> 00:19:45,333
No wonder there's no gold
left in the treasury.
409
00:19:45,400 --> 00:19:49,066
If you're going to smother all
your fancy women in gold,
410
00:19:49,067 --> 00:19:51,200
then let us bring
it in from China.
411
00:19:51,267 --> 00:19:53,133
Wholesale. Yes, my dear...
412
00:19:53,200 --> 00:19:55,633
Oh, ooh, ooh... My cojones, ooh.
413
00:19:55,700 --> 00:19:57,700
Now, Columbus, Father Torquemada
414
00:19:57,767 --> 00:19:59,066
has read your document.
415
00:19:59,067 --> 00:20:00,767
But it's in Hebrew.
416
00:20:00,833 --> 00:20:03,300
Yes, well, he had a
Jewish grandmother.
417
00:20:03,367 --> 00:20:04,367
Didn't he?
418
00:20:04,368 --> 00:20:05,967
At the seminary I attended,
419
00:20:06,033 --> 00:20:07,500
it was compulsory.
420
00:20:07,567 --> 00:20:10,067
What, do you mean they all
had Jewish grandmothers?
421
00:20:10,133 --> 00:20:13,267
Ferdinand, remember to
whom you are talking.
422
00:20:13,333 --> 00:20:14,900
The Grand Inquisitor.
423
00:20:14,967 --> 00:20:17,067
He has the power of life and death
424
00:20:17,133 --> 00:20:18,633
over everybody in Spain.
425
00:20:18,700 --> 00:20:20,567
Oh... I'm so sorry.
426
00:20:20,633 --> 00:20:21,733
To continue...
427
00:20:21,800 --> 00:20:24,133
Father Torquemada confirms
428
00:20:24,200 --> 00:20:27,633
this document is the
record of an early voyage.
429
00:20:27,700 --> 00:20:30,200
And because of this,
430
00:20:30,267 --> 00:20:33,333
we are reconsidering your terms.
431
00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:35,133
Come closer, Christopher.
432
00:20:35,200 --> 00:20:38,367
Ah... it's "Christopher" now.
433
00:20:38,433 --> 00:20:41,367
Christopher, we shall
finance your expedition.
434
00:20:41,433 --> 00:20:43,767
And my God go with you.
435
00:20:54,367 --> 00:20:55,400
Ha ha.
436
00:20:55,467 --> 00:20:56,733
This is it.
437
00:20:56,800 --> 00:20:58,333
The "Santa Maria."
438
00:20:58,400 --> 00:20:59,833
Fantastic.
439
00:20:59,900 --> 00:21:01,200
Where's the crew?
440
00:21:01,267 --> 00:21:03,200
Well, Mort is to be navigator
and sailing master.
441
00:21:03,267 --> 00:21:04,633
You'll be the master's mate.
442
00:21:04,700 --> 00:21:06,567
What, me?
443
00:21:06,633 --> 00:21:07,900
And that's it, is it?
444
00:21:07,967 --> 00:21:09,067
Well, so far, but we'll have
445
00:21:09,100 --> 00:21:10,567
no bother rounding up the rest.
446
00:21:10,633 --> 00:21:11,633
Look at the vessel.
447
00:21:14,500 --> 00:21:15,733
Now roll up.
448
00:21:15,800 --> 00:21:19,200
Roll up and sign on for
the voyage of a lifetime.
449
00:21:19,267 --> 00:21:21,633
See the wonders of the Indies.
450
00:21:21,700 --> 00:21:23,633
See mermaids at their frolics.
451
00:21:23,700 --> 00:21:27,300
See lovely ladies from China.
452
00:21:27,367 --> 00:21:30,200
Two-headed men from Japan.
453
00:21:30,267 --> 00:21:34,700
One-legged cannibals, victims
of their own gluttony.
454
00:21:38,266 --> 00:21:39,266
Oh, thank you.
455
00:21:39,267 --> 00:21:41,633
And it's all on the inside.
456
00:21:41,700 --> 00:21:44,967
All on the inside...
of the "Santa Maria."
457
00:21:45,067 --> 00:21:46,933
I think you're flogging
a dead horse, ducky.
458
00:21:47,067 --> 00:21:49,200
It's the Inquisition, darling.
459
00:21:49,267 --> 00:21:50,700
All the sailors are busy
460
00:21:50,767 --> 00:21:52,433
taking the Jews and
Arabs to Morocco.
461
00:21:52,500 --> 00:21:54,100
They don't mind what they pay.
462
00:21:54,167 --> 00:21:56,433
Yes, but what about the ones
who can't afford to pay?
463
00:21:56,500 --> 00:21:59,233
Oh... you mean like
that lot over there?
464
00:22:05,233 --> 00:22:07,200
Lovely gents' outfits, nearly new.
465
00:22:07,267 --> 00:22:09,200
Carpet oddments,
hardly been walked on.
466
00:22:09,267 --> 00:22:11,066
Candle stubs, hardly been lit.
467
00:22:11,067 --> 00:22:12,700
Turkish delight, lovely
Turkish delight.
468
00:22:12,767 --> 00:22:14,066
Hardly been chewed.
469
00:22:14,067 --> 00:22:17,133
Do any of you lively lads
wish to go to Morocco?
470
00:22:17,200 --> 00:22:19,067
We can't afford the fare.
471
00:22:19,100 --> 00:22:20,100
Then sign on as crew.
472
00:22:20,167 --> 00:22:21,167
No, we're not sailors.
473
00:22:21,168 --> 00:22:22,267
But you can be.
474
00:22:22,333 --> 00:22:24,467
See, I am in charge of
a government-funded
475
00:22:24,533 --> 00:22:25,767
nautical academy:
476
00:22:25,833 --> 00:22:28,133
the training ship "Santa Maria."
477
00:22:28,200 --> 00:22:29,333
We sail on Wednesday.
478
00:22:33,333 --> 00:22:34,800
Can we think about it?
479
00:22:34,867 --> 00:22:36,367
Of course you can.
480
00:22:36,433 --> 00:22:38,600
The Inquisition won't
be here till Thursday.
481
00:22:41,767 --> 00:22:44,267
Spare a copper for the
snake charmer, sir?
482
00:22:44,333 --> 00:22:46,267
Bring you very good luck.
483
00:22:46,333 --> 00:22:47,767
I can't see any snake.
484
00:22:47,833 --> 00:22:49,067
No snake?
485
00:22:49,133 --> 00:22:50,433
Oh, my God, he has escaped.
486
00:22:50,500 --> 00:22:53,067
Oh, sir, he has
gone up your tunic.
487
00:22:53,133 --> 00:22:55,067
Madam, that is no snake.
488
00:22:55,100 --> 00:22:57,067
Sorry, you very big boy.
489
00:22:57,100 --> 00:22:58,267
I found him.
490
00:22:58,333 --> 00:23:00,066
And that's no snake, either.
491
00:23:00,067 --> 00:23:01,067
Hey, hey, you.
492
00:23:01,068 --> 00:23:02,933
Hey, leave my sister alone.
493
00:23:03,067 --> 00:23:04,567
She's only seven.
494
00:23:05,667 --> 00:23:06,700
Achmed.
495
00:23:08,067 --> 00:23:10,167
Don't worry, I have it.
496
00:23:10,233 --> 00:23:13,633
Let me see.
497
00:23:13,700 --> 00:23:14,733
This isn't in Hebrew.
498
00:23:14,800 --> 00:23:15,833
It's in Spanish.
499
00:23:15,900 --> 00:23:17,533
Well, what does it say?
500
00:23:17,600 --> 00:23:19,400
"To bold, adventure loving seamen,
501
00:23:19,467 --> 00:23:22,400
Columbus needs you."
502
00:23:22,467 --> 00:23:23,467
Huh.
503
00:23:23,533 --> 00:23:26,067
Twirl those sheets, lad.
504
00:23:26,133 --> 00:23:28,400
You...
505
00:23:28,467 --> 00:23:30,066
I, sir, am the master's mate.
506
00:23:30,067 --> 00:23:31,700
I don't care who
you're friendly with.
507
00:23:31,767 --> 00:23:33,100
I wish to see Columbus.
508
00:23:34,666 --> 00:23:35,666
Columbus...
509
00:23:35,667 --> 00:23:36,933
Yes?
510
00:23:37,067 --> 00:23:38,400
I'm Don Juan Felipe.
511
00:23:38,467 --> 00:23:39,501
I've been appointed by the king
512
00:23:39,567 --> 00:23:41,267
to look after the ship's books.
513
00:23:41,333 --> 00:23:43,267
Oh, the librarian.
514
00:23:43,333 --> 00:23:44,833
Well, we haven't got much.
515
00:23:44,900 --> 00:23:46,400
"How to Avoid Sea Serpents."
516
00:23:46,467 --> 00:23:48,567
"Madame Fifi's Guide to
the Pleasures of..."
517
00:23:48,633 --> 00:23:51,200
No, Captain, by books
I mean accounts.
518
00:23:51,267 --> 00:23:54,600
I am to keep straight control
of your expenditure.
519
00:23:54,667 --> 00:23:56,967
Now, how many crew do you have?
520
00:23:57,067 --> 00:23:59,066
Well, not as many as I'd like.
521
00:23:59,067 --> 00:24:00,633
Well, the king has sent
you this royal warrant.
522
00:24:00,700 --> 00:24:02,133
That will help you man the ship.
523
00:24:02,200 --> 00:24:05,100
I use the word "man"
in its fullest sense,
524
00:24:05,167 --> 00:24:06,700
you understand.
525
00:24:06,767 --> 00:24:09,200
Now, kindly have someone
to show me to my cabin.
526
00:24:09,267 --> 00:24:10,500
I'm sailing with you.
527
00:24:10,567 --> 00:24:11,567
Oh, really?
528
00:24:11,600 --> 00:24:13,867
I don't think you'd
enjoy that experience.
529
00:24:13,933 --> 00:24:14,967
Why not... I insist.
530
00:24:15,067 --> 00:24:17,100
Single cabin, port side.
531
00:24:17,167 --> 00:24:18,433
But we are rather crowded.
532
00:24:18,500 --> 00:24:21,067
Perhaps something nice.
533
00:24:21,133 --> 00:24:23,066
A mid-ships?
534
00:24:23,067 --> 00:24:26,800
Mm...
535
00:24:28,100 --> 00:24:30,900
Tickets for the hanging.
536
00:24:32,100 --> 00:24:33,667
Tickets for the hanging.
537
00:24:33,733 --> 00:24:35,233
Tuesday and Thursday.
538
00:24:35,300 --> 00:24:37,067
Reduced prices for children.
539
00:24:37,133 --> 00:24:38,467
Oh, hello.
540
00:24:38,533 --> 00:24:40,400
Are... are you the doorkeeper?
541
00:24:40,467 --> 00:24:41,867
No, I'm the governor.
542
00:24:41,933 --> 00:24:44,133
It's the doorkeeper's day off.
543
00:24:44,200 --> 00:24:45,933
Well, I have an
order from the king
544
00:24:46,067 --> 00:24:48,100
which offers a free
pardon to any inmate
545
00:24:48,167 --> 00:24:49,967
who volunteers to sail with us.
546
00:24:50,067 --> 00:24:51,300
Walk this way.
547
00:24:51,367 --> 00:24:52,733
Tickets to the hanging.
548
00:24:52,800 --> 00:24:54,833
Half price for children.
549
00:24:56,867 --> 00:24:59,400
Can I have a drink, please?
550
00:25:05,933 --> 00:25:07,867
No, that's not...
551
00:25:07,933 --> 00:25:09,500
The queen is...
552
00:25:09,567 --> 00:25:12,067
No, that's the king, isn't it?
553
00:25:12,133 --> 00:25:14,467
All right, if I can have
your attention now, please.
554
00:25:14,533 --> 00:25:15,700
Quiet, everybody.
555
00:25:15,767 --> 00:25:17,467
Quiet, please, quiet.
556
00:25:18,533 --> 00:25:19,700
That's better.
557
00:25:19,767 --> 00:25:21,633
Now, Admiral Columbus
558
00:25:21,700 --> 00:25:23,467
is going on a lovely sea trip.
559
00:25:23,533 --> 00:25:25,700
And he's here to tell
us all about it.
560
00:25:25,767 --> 00:25:26,833
Gentlemen...
561
00:25:26,900 --> 00:25:29,833
I am here to offer you the
chance of a lifetime.
562
00:25:29,900 --> 00:25:31,800
To break free from these shackles
563
00:25:31,867 --> 00:25:34,067
and sail the mighty ocean.
564
00:25:34,100 --> 00:25:36,800
To feel the sun and
breeze on your faces,
565
00:25:36,867 --> 00:25:38,767
blue skies overhead.
566
00:25:38,833 --> 00:25:42,500
Fine foods, gay companions, ha ha.
567
00:25:42,567 --> 00:25:43,967
And, at the end of the voyage,
568
00:25:44,067 --> 00:25:47,267
a chance to share in
the untold gold...
569
00:25:47,333 --> 00:25:48,500
of the Indies.
570
00:25:51,633 --> 00:25:53,933
Now, doesn't that sound lovely?
571
00:25:54,067 --> 00:25:55,467
I do wish I was coming with you.
572
00:25:55,533 --> 00:25:57,467
This is Pepi,
573
00:25:57,533 --> 00:25:59,533
the Portuguese Poisoner.
574
00:25:59,600 --> 00:26:00,867
How do you do, Mr Columbus?
575
00:26:00,933 --> 00:26:02,333
Does he only poison Portuguese?
576
00:26:02,400 --> 00:26:04,333
No, he'll poison anyone.
577
00:26:04,400 --> 00:26:05,833
He's a wonderful cook,
578
00:26:05,900 --> 00:26:08,167
unless he gets in
one of his moods.
579
00:26:08,233 --> 00:26:09,867
They're hanging him Thursday.
580
00:26:09,933 --> 00:26:12,833
This is our Andalucian arsonist,
581
00:26:12,900 --> 00:26:13,933
Tonto the Torch.
582
00:26:14,067 --> 00:26:15,067
All right.
583
00:26:15,068 --> 00:26:16,833
He's really quite safe.
584
00:26:16,900 --> 00:26:18,300
They're hanging him Thursday.
585
00:26:18,367 --> 00:26:21,800
And this is Marco,
the serial killer.
586
00:26:21,867 --> 00:26:23,533
A serial killer.
587
00:26:23,600 --> 00:26:26,100
Beats his victims to death
with a sack of Rice Crispies.
588
00:26:27,967 --> 00:26:29,167
I've done me back in again.
589
00:26:29,233 --> 00:26:30,233
Please.
590
00:26:30,234 --> 00:26:31,733
I do wish you'd take him.
591
00:26:31,800 --> 00:26:32,800
All right, then.
592
00:26:32,801 --> 00:26:34,833
So glad you said that.
593
00:26:34,900 --> 00:26:37,667
Because they were
hanging him Thursday.
594
00:26:37,733 --> 00:26:40,600
Come on, let's get
your backs into it.
595
00:26:43,700 --> 00:26:44,900
Oh, hello.
596
00:26:44,967 --> 00:26:46,467
Hello.
597
00:26:46,533 --> 00:26:48,467
Strike their chains
off and sign 'em on.
598
00:26:48,533 --> 00:26:49,533
Come along, boys.
599
00:26:49,600 --> 00:26:51,067
We'll soon make you comfy.
600
00:26:51,100 --> 00:26:53,067
Bring that bale over here.
601
00:26:53,100 --> 00:26:54,467
Pick it up.
602
00:26:54,533 --> 00:26:55,967
That man on the rope.
603
00:26:56,067 --> 00:26:57,367
You mean you want to come with us?
604
00:26:57,433 --> 00:26:58,467
Oh, I'd love to.
605
00:26:58,533 --> 00:27:00,233
You made it all sound so lovely.
606
00:27:00,300 --> 00:27:01,900
Well, let's see what we can offer.
607
00:27:01,967 --> 00:27:03,233
Oh, I know.
608
00:27:03,300 --> 00:27:04,300
Welfare officer.
609
00:27:04,301 --> 00:27:05,400
And what does he do?
610
00:27:05,467 --> 00:27:07,433
Well, if anyone has to be
flogged, he flogs them.
611
00:27:07,500 --> 00:27:09,100
If anyone has to be
hanged, he hangs them.
612
00:27:09,167 --> 00:27:11,433
I can do that standing on my head.
613
00:27:11,500 --> 00:27:13,100
Sign here.
614
00:27:21,767 --> 00:27:23,667
Get your backs into it.
615
00:27:24,967 --> 00:27:26,100
Come in.
616
00:27:29,067 --> 00:27:30,700
Ahem. Ah.
617
00:27:30,767 --> 00:27:32,433
Have you ever been to sea before?
618
00:27:32,500 --> 00:27:34,267
Oh, yes, sir, I'm an able seaman.
619
00:27:34,333 --> 00:27:37,367
Good... 800 maravedis.
620
00:27:37,433 --> 00:27:38,433
Sign here.
621
00:27:38,434 --> 00:27:40,100
Oh.
622
00:27:40,167 --> 00:27:41,167
Oh, that...
623
00:27:41,168 --> 00:27:42,967
I can't read or write.
624
00:27:43,067 --> 00:27:44,267
Oh, just make your mark.
625
00:27:44,333 --> 00:27:45,833
Mark.
626
00:27:46,667 --> 00:27:48,067
Can you count?
627
00:27:48,133 --> 00:27:50,400
So can I.
628
00:27:50,467 --> 00:27:51,800
How many fingers?
629
00:27:51,867 --> 00:27:54,100
One.
630
00:27:54,167 --> 00:27:56,267
Two.
631
00:27:56,333 --> 00:27:57,900
Three.
632
00:27:57,967 --> 00:27:59,233
Very good, keep going.
633
00:27:59,300 --> 00:28:01,067
Three, three, three... eight.
634
00:28:01,100 --> 00:28:02,900
Eight, exactly.
635
00:28:02,967 --> 00:28:05,167
And here's your 800 maravedis.
636
00:28:05,233 --> 00:28:08,066
One, two, three, eight.
637
00:28:08,067 --> 00:28:09,367
Oh, thank you.
638
00:28:09,433 --> 00:28:10,633
Thank you very much.
639
00:28:12,700 --> 00:28:14,167
Well, hello, sailor.
640
00:28:14,233 --> 00:28:15,633
I'm not a sailor.
641
00:28:15,700 --> 00:28:17,633
I'm the representative
of the King of Spain.
642
00:28:17,700 --> 00:28:18,767
I'm Don Juan.
643
00:28:18,833 --> 00:28:19,867
I'm Juan, too.
644
00:28:19,933 --> 00:28:21,233
Juan Diego.
645
00:28:21,300 --> 00:28:23,067
I'm the welfare officer.
646
00:28:23,133 --> 00:28:24,433
I take it we're sharing.
647
00:28:24,500 --> 00:28:27,067
I was told I was getting
a cabin of my own.
648
00:28:27,133 --> 00:28:29,167
Yes, well, I was
told that as well.
649
00:28:29,233 --> 00:28:31,633
But it's obviously a double cabin.
650
00:28:31,700 --> 00:28:33,733
So much more roomy
than the captain's.
651
00:28:33,800 --> 00:28:34,800
I'll tell you what.
652
00:28:34,801 --> 00:28:37,133
You have this end,
I'll have the other.
653
00:28:37,200 --> 00:28:38,333
And, if you get lonely,
654
00:28:38,400 --> 00:28:39,967
you can always come up my end.
655
00:28:45,833 --> 00:28:46,933
Unhitch it, would ya?
656
00:28:47,067 --> 00:28:48,133
Yes, with pleasure.
657
00:28:50,700 --> 00:28:52,633
Just look what they've sent down.
658
00:28:54,400 --> 00:28:56,967
A barrel of wine
for the two of us.
659
00:28:57,067 --> 00:28:58,267
Come on, lads.
660
00:28:58,333 --> 00:29:01,733
We've got to get everything
stowed by sunset.
661
00:29:01,800 --> 00:29:04,533
We're sailing tomorrow.
662
00:29:04,600 --> 00:29:06,367
All right, lower away.
663
00:29:06,433 --> 00:29:08,066
Let go... let go.
664
00:29:08,067 --> 00:29:09,200
Carry on.
665
00:29:09,267 --> 00:29:10,833
Come in.
666
00:29:13,467 --> 00:29:15,233
Hello, Captain, remember me?
667
00:29:15,300 --> 00:29:16,300
Your old neighbour?
668
00:29:16,300 --> 00:29:17,300
Why, yes.
669
00:29:17,301 --> 00:29:18,633
I've heard about your voyages,
670
00:29:18,700 --> 00:29:19,733
and I'd really like to join.
671
00:29:19,800 --> 00:29:22,100
Right, well, let's see
what vacancies we have.
672
00:29:22,167 --> 00:29:23,833
I've also got my nephew with me.
673
00:29:23,900 --> 00:29:25,233
Oh, he's a bright lad.
674
00:29:25,300 --> 00:29:26,767
He wants to come also.
675
00:29:26,833 --> 00:29:29,233
Well, we need a steward,
plus a surgeon,
676
00:29:29,300 --> 00:29:31,100
a shipwright, and a sailmaker.
677
00:29:31,167 --> 00:29:32,167
I'll take 'em.
678
00:29:32,168 --> 00:29:33,300
Which one?
679
00:29:33,367 --> 00:29:34,500
All of them.
680
00:29:34,567 --> 00:29:37,267
I'm not paying you
three men's wages.
681
00:29:37,333 --> 00:29:39,133
How about two?
682
00:29:39,200 --> 00:29:41,267
All right, two, but I am
not paying your nephew.
683
00:29:41,333 --> 00:29:43,467
That's all right, the
sultan pays him.
684
00:29:43,533 --> 00:29:44,533
What?
685
00:29:44,600 --> 00:29:46,133
I said...
686
00:29:46,200 --> 00:29:47,567
he'd be insulted if you paid him.
687
00:29:47,633 --> 00:29:48,633
Well, where is he?
688
00:29:48,700 --> 00:29:50,800
Oh, he's outside.
I'll bring him in.
689
00:29:50,867 --> 00:29:52,200
Tema.
690
00:29:52,267 --> 00:29:53,767
Tema?
691
00:29:53,833 --> 00:29:57,233
Yeah, it's, short for Temothy.
692
00:29:57,300 --> 00:29:59,600
Well, Temothy...
693
00:29:59,667 --> 00:30:00,667
sign here.
694
00:30:00,668 --> 00:30:02,233
Thank you, Captain.
695
00:30:03,900 --> 00:30:05,967
Bottoms up.
696
00:30:07,767 --> 00:30:09,867
Ah.
697
00:30:09,933 --> 00:30:11,133
What's in that one?
698
00:30:11,200 --> 00:30:12,333
Ahem.
699
00:30:16,800 --> 00:30:18,800
Pickled onions.
700
00:30:18,867 --> 00:30:21,100
I must say, they're spoiling us.
701
00:30:21,167 --> 00:30:24,700
All these provisions,
just for the two of us.
702
00:30:27,367 --> 00:30:28,500
Unhitch it, will ya?
703
00:30:28,567 --> 00:30:29,733
Aye, aye, sir.
704
00:30:34,667 --> 00:30:36,000
Take her up.
705
00:30:36,067 --> 00:30:37,567
All right, heave.
706
00:30:37,633 --> 00:30:38,933
Oh, ah.
707
00:30:39,000 --> 00:30:42,233
Oh, sit still, Juan.
708
00:30:42,300 --> 00:30:44,167
Ooh...
709
00:30:44,233 --> 00:30:45,400
Da da, Juan.
710
00:30:45,467 --> 00:30:47,533
Lower the ropes.
711
00:30:51,700 --> 00:30:53,400
That wine is strong.
712
00:30:53,467 --> 00:30:55,233
I went quite dizzy for a moment.
713
00:30:58,300 --> 00:31:01,300
("Rock-a-bye Baby" playing)
714
00:31:12,233 --> 00:31:15,200
Hey... now we're on
board, what do we do?
715
00:31:15,267 --> 00:31:18,067
Now we have to
sabotage the voyage.
716
00:31:18,100 --> 00:31:20,267
Did you bring poison?
717
00:31:20,333 --> 00:31:22,066
Of course.
718
00:31:23,800 --> 00:31:25,833
Well...
719
00:31:25,900 --> 00:31:28,133
we sail on the morning tide.
720
00:31:28,200 --> 00:31:29,800
Have you got the first leg
of our journey mapped?
721
00:31:29,801 --> 00:31:30,900
Well, God willing.
722
00:31:30,967 --> 00:31:32,867
It's not easy
navigating in Hebrew.
723
00:31:32,933 --> 00:31:35,133
If I'm not careful, we'll
be sailing backwards.
724
00:31:35,200 --> 00:31:36,300
Hey, you aloft.
725
00:31:36,367 --> 00:31:38,567
Get a move on.
726
00:31:38,633 --> 00:31:40,400
Lower the gangplank.
727
00:31:46,267 --> 00:31:48,300
Shove that in the captain.
728
00:31:48,367 --> 00:31:49,733
In the captain?
729
00:31:49,800 --> 00:31:51,767
No...
730
00:31:51,833 --> 00:31:53,933
the capstan.
731
00:31:54,067 --> 00:31:55,733
Weight anchor.
732
00:31:55,800 --> 00:31:57,267
Aye, sir.
733
00:31:57,333 --> 00:31:58,633
Weigh anchor.
734
00:31:58,700 --> 00:32:00,867
Weigh... Anchor, that's it.
735
00:32:04,067 --> 00:32:06,600
In God's name,
736
00:32:06,667 --> 00:32:08,667
make it go.
737
00:32:14,300 --> 00:32:15,800
Aye, starboard.
738
00:32:15,867 --> 00:32:18,067
Aye, starboard.
739
00:32:23,433 --> 00:32:24,867
Well, brother, we made it.
740
00:32:24,933 --> 00:32:26,867
We made it. We are away.
741
00:32:26,933 --> 00:32:29,100
Ha ha.
742
00:32:39,467 --> 00:32:41,066
Steady as she goes.
743
00:32:41,067 --> 00:32:43,200
Steady as she goes.
744
00:32:57,933 --> 00:32:59,467
Hello, Tonto.
745
00:32:59,533 --> 00:33:02,300
Is it true your known as
the Andalucian Arsonist?
746
00:33:02,367 --> 00:33:05,167
I have been called that, yes.
747
00:33:05,233 --> 00:33:06,933
Then perhaps you
should do something
748
00:33:07,067 --> 00:33:11,333
before this Columbus
sails us to our doom.
749
00:33:11,400 --> 00:33:14,433
What... you mean set fire...
750
00:33:14,500 --> 00:33:15,933
to the ship?
751
00:33:16,067 --> 00:33:17,433
Not completely, no.
752
00:33:17,500 --> 00:33:19,533
Just enough to make
him turn the ship
753
00:33:19,600 --> 00:33:21,833
back to Spain.
754
00:33:40,700 --> 00:33:43,767
Go below and check
we're watertight.
755
00:33:43,833 --> 00:33:45,300
Right.
756
00:34:25,467 --> 00:34:26,600
Juan.
757
00:34:26,667 --> 00:34:28,200
Juan, wake up, Juan.
758
00:34:30,067 --> 00:34:34,233
You stay there, I'll get a bung.
759
00:34:39,067 --> 00:34:40,467
Aye, sir.
760
00:34:42,167 --> 00:34:44,500
Here, we've just had
a leak in the hold.
761
00:34:44,567 --> 00:34:45,567
Oh, did you?
762
00:34:45,600 --> 00:34:48,333
Well, next time, do
it over the side.
763
00:34:54,800 --> 00:34:56,133
Good morning, Captain.
764
00:34:56,200 --> 00:34:58,066
I've been counting
the ship's crew.
765
00:34:58,067 --> 00:34:59,567
There seem to be
several men missing.
766
00:34:59,633 --> 00:35:00,633
Missing? Yes.
767
00:35:00,700 --> 00:35:02,066
Wherefore is officer shipwright?
768
00:35:02,067 --> 00:35:03,067
He's aloft.
769
00:35:03,068 --> 00:35:05,066
And what's he doing?
770
00:35:05,067 --> 00:35:06,867
He's shortening the
spritsail yard.
771
00:35:06,933 --> 00:35:08,233
And the sailmaker?
772
00:35:08,300 --> 00:35:09,400
Oh, he's aloft as well.
773
00:35:09,467 --> 00:35:11,533
Doing what?
774
00:35:11,600 --> 00:35:13,467
He's sewing up the
slash in the spritsail
775
00:35:13,533 --> 00:35:14,867
that the shipwright
made with his saw
776
00:35:14,933 --> 00:35:17,067
while he was shortening
the spritsail yard.
777
00:35:17,100 --> 00:35:18,367
And the surgeon?
778
00:35:18,433 --> 00:35:19,800
Oh, he's up there as well.
779
00:35:19,867 --> 00:35:21,333
And what's he doing?
780
00:35:21,400 --> 00:35:24,567
He's sewing up the
shipwright's shin.
781
00:35:24,633 --> 00:35:26,733
You see, the sailmaker shot
the shipwright in the shin
782
00:35:26,800 --> 00:35:29,300
when he saw what he'd done with
his sword to the spritsail.
783
00:35:30,433 --> 00:35:31,800
Do you know what I
think, Columbus?
784
00:35:31,867 --> 00:35:32,967
Tell me.
785
00:35:33,067 --> 00:35:34,367
I think you're full
of shifty chicanery
786
00:35:34,433 --> 00:35:35,567
and subterfuge.
787
00:35:35,633 --> 00:35:37,067
Thank you very much.
788
00:35:41,100 --> 00:35:43,067
Whoa, whoa, oh...
789
00:35:46,167 --> 00:35:47,467
Ooh, poor thing.
790
00:35:47,533 --> 00:35:50,467
Well, you're all wet.
791
00:35:53,600 --> 00:35:54,967
Give me the poison.
792
00:35:55,067 --> 00:35:57,333
I'll ad some spice to
the captain's dinner.
793
00:35:57,400 --> 00:36:00,167
Yes, but... what if it goes wrong?
794
00:36:00,233 --> 00:36:01,967
Leave it to me.
795
00:36:05,067 --> 00:36:06,100
Hello, Pepi.
796
00:36:06,167 --> 00:36:08,233
Did you know this ship
was alive with rats?
797
00:36:08,300 --> 00:36:10,867
Mm, quite big, long, black,
furry things with teeth.
798
00:36:10,933 --> 00:36:12,167
Yes, yes. Yeah, yeah.
799
00:36:12,233 --> 00:36:13,800
Well, I'm saving those for
the goulash, you see.
800
00:36:13,801 --> 00:36:15,633
But the captain wants
to get rid of them.
801
00:36:15,700 --> 00:36:18,733
He's given me this very
powerful rat poison.
802
00:36:18,800 --> 00:36:20,133
You, being the expert,
803
00:36:20,200 --> 00:36:22,133
would know best how to use it.
804
00:36:22,200 --> 00:36:23,200
Yeah, yeah.
805
00:36:23,201 --> 00:36:24,533
You're right, me old shipmate.
806
00:36:25,600 --> 00:36:27,133
Leave it with me, huh?
807
00:36:28,700 --> 00:36:30,066
Poison up... Grub.
808
00:36:30,067 --> 00:36:31,067
Grub up.
809
00:36:31,068 --> 00:36:33,167
Grub up... grub up.
810
00:36:34,833 --> 00:36:36,067
Ah, good evening, lad.
811
00:36:36,100 --> 00:36:37,200
What's for dinner?
812
00:36:37,267 --> 00:36:39,433
The cook made it
specially for you, sir.
813
00:36:39,500 --> 00:36:41,200
It's hot pot.
814
00:36:41,267 --> 00:36:42,633
Ah.
815
00:36:45,500 --> 00:36:48,433
What the hell is that?
816
00:36:48,500 --> 00:36:50,933
I think it's a little
too hot... sir.
817
00:36:57,400 --> 00:36:59,133
Two bells.
818
00:37:01,267 --> 00:37:02,767
So what am I accused of then?
819
00:37:02,833 --> 00:37:05,067
Trying to poison the captain,
820
00:37:05,100 --> 00:37:06,167
you bad boy.
821
00:37:06,233 --> 00:37:07,867
No... no...
822
00:37:07,933 --> 00:37:10,066
No, I was trying to
poison the rats.
823
00:37:10,067 --> 00:37:12,633
Must have just forgotten
to wash me hands.
824
00:37:18,133 --> 00:37:20,133
Where are we, according to Moysha?
825
00:37:20,200 --> 00:37:22,200
Let me have a look...
826
00:37:22,267 --> 00:37:26,833
"Sailing west by southwest,
the 11th of September.
827
00:37:26,900 --> 00:37:29,667
"It was my son's 13th birthday.
828
00:37:29,733 --> 00:37:31,767
"He had reached manhood.
829
00:37:31,833 --> 00:37:35,066
Suddenly, a great fog
descended upon us."
830
00:37:35,067 --> 00:37:36,133
What is it today?
831
00:37:36,200 --> 00:37:38,767
It's the 11th of September.
832
00:37:38,833 --> 00:37:40,833
"The fog was so thick,
833
00:37:40,900 --> 00:37:43,700
"that no man had ever
seen its like before.
834
00:37:43,767 --> 00:37:47,200
Men holding lanterns
walked into each other."
835
00:37:48,566 --> 00:37:49,566
Watch where you're going.
836
00:37:49,567 --> 00:37:50,600
Yes, sir.
837
00:37:52,300 --> 00:37:54,733
"The compass began to swing
backwards and forwards.
838
00:37:54,800 --> 00:37:56,667
"Then, suddenly, it went mad,
839
00:37:56,733 --> 00:37:59,333
as if possessed by demons."
840
00:38:00,767 --> 00:38:02,100
Now to starboard?
841
00:38:02,167 --> 00:38:03,500
Now to port. Port?
842
00:38:03,567 --> 00:38:05,567
Now to starboard. What?
843
00:38:05,633 --> 00:38:06,967
Chris... Chris.
844
00:38:07,067 --> 00:38:08,767
Chris, the compass.
845
00:38:08,833 --> 00:38:10,767
It's going mad, as if
it were somehow...
846
00:38:10,833 --> 00:38:12,633
Possessed by demons.
847
00:38:12,700 --> 00:38:13,700
How did you know?
848
00:38:13,701 --> 00:38:14,833
Mm...
849
00:38:14,900 --> 00:38:17,333
"This part of the sea"
850
00:38:17,400 --> 00:38:18,833
"has a curse on it.
851
00:38:18,900 --> 00:38:22,100
"The area is in the
shape of a triangle.
852
00:38:22,167 --> 00:38:24,367
"Once a ship gets into it,
853
00:38:24,433 --> 00:38:27,700
"it will sail forever
in a triangular course
854
00:38:27,767 --> 00:38:29,067
"forever and ever,
855
00:38:29,133 --> 00:38:32,367
"and disappear from
the sight of man.
856
00:38:32,433 --> 00:38:35,767
"Because it was my
son's 13th birthday,
857
00:38:35,833 --> 00:38:38,967
I called it the Bar
Mitzvah Triangle."
858
00:38:39,067 --> 00:38:41,067
The Bar Mitzvah Triangle.
859
00:38:43,067 --> 00:38:46,133
"It seemed we were doomed
to sail for eternity,
860
00:38:46,200 --> 00:38:48,400
"up one leg, down the other,
861
00:38:48,467 --> 00:38:51,567
"and along the hypotenuse.
862
00:38:51,633 --> 00:38:55,067
"A Greek fellow on board
said this proved something,
863
00:38:55,100 --> 00:38:57,300
"but before we could
find out what,
864
00:38:57,367 --> 00:39:00,300
he was eaten by a sea serpent."
865
00:39:00,367 --> 00:39:02,067
If there's one thing that
scared the shit out of me,
866
00:39:02,068 --> 00:39:03,068
it's sea serpents.
867
00:39:03,069 --> 00:39:05,267
"Suddenly, they
were all around us.
868
00:39:05,333 --> 00:39:07,333
"Slimy, hideous creatures,
869
00:39:07,400 --> 00:39:09,733
"their fangs dripping with blood.
870
00:39:09,800 --> 00:39:12,200
"As they caught him
and crunched him up
871
00:39:12,267 --> 00:39:14,833
"the boatswain let out one final,
872
00:39:14,900 --> 00:39:16,733
blood curdling scream."
873
00:39:23,600 --> 00:39:25,500
He dropped that right on my foot.
874
00:39:25,567 --> 00:39:28,600
"There was only one way out
of our dreadful peril.
875
00:39:28,667 --> 00:39:29,967
"A drastic course of action,
876
00:39:30,067 --> 00:39:32,100
but we had no alternative."
877
00:39:33,233 --> 00:39:34,367
Oh, come on... Go on, go on.
878
00:39:34,433 --> 00:39:36,133
Don't rush me, it's the
end of one scroll.
879
00:39:36,200 --> 00:39:37,933
Go on. All right, don't you start.
880
00:39:38,067 --> 00:39:39,267
For goodness sake,
I'm doing my best.
881
00:39:39,268 --> 00:39:41,333
No, go on, go on...
Does he give any clue
882
00:39:41,400 --> 00:39:42,500
as to how he got out of it?
883
00:39:42,567 --> 00:39:43,833
Give me it, give me it.
884
00:39:43,900 --> 00:39:46,367
"As we continued through the fog,
885
00:39:46,433 --> 00:39:49,767
"we saw ships abandoned
by their crews,
886
00:39:49,833 --> 00:39:53,567
"ghost ships manned
only by phantoms,
887
00:39:53,633 --> 00:39:55,900
demons, and hobgoblins."
888
00:39:55,967 --> 00:39:57,633
Not hobgoblins.
889
00:39:57,700 --> 00:39:58,967
Not them and sea serpents.
890
00:39:59,033 --> 00:40:00,033
Hang on.
891
00:40:00,034 --> 00:40:01,101
Hang on. Pull yourself together.
892
00:40:01,102 --> 00:40:02,234
Pull yourself together.
893
00:40:02,300 --> 00:40:03,900
Let's go look at the compass.
894
00:40:03,967 --> 00:40:05,000
Yeah.
895
00:40:18,033 --> 00:40:20,500
You, out there... Stand still.
896
00:40:25,366 --> 00:40:26,366
Welfare officer...
897
00:40:26,367 --> 00:40:27,367
Yes, Captain?
898
00:40:27,400 --> 00:40:28,867
Take that man's ball off.
899
00:40:28,933 --> 00:40:30,100
Which one?
900
00:40:31,267 --> 00:40:32,600
Captain, Captain.
901
00:40:32,667 --> 00:40:33,967
I see a ship on port bow.
902
00:40:34,033 --> 00:40:35,967
Big, big ship.
903
00:40:36,033 --> 00:40:37,100
How far away?
904
00:40:37,167 --> 00:40:39,133
About that far.
905
00:40:42,967 --> 00:40:45,067
Lower fenders, lower fenders.
906
00:40:45,133 --> 00:40:46,333
Ho, starboard.
907
00:40:46,400 --> 00:40:48,633
Lower the fenders.
908
00:40:48,700 --> 00:40:51,133
Lower the fenders.
909
00:40:51,200 --> 00:40:52,533
Come, everyone.
910
00:40:52,600 --> 00:40:55,867
Ahoy there, we are
the "Santa Maria".
911
00:40:55,933 --> 00:40:57,100
Who are you?
912
00:40:57,167 --> 00:40:59,000
Who are you?
913
00:40:59,067 --> 00:41:00,300
I told ya.
914
00:41:00,367 --> 00:41:02,167
We are the "Santa Maria".
915
00:41:02,233 --> 00:41:03,367
"Santa Maria".
916
00:41:03,433 --> 00:41:04,467
There's no other border.
917
00:41:04,533 --> 00:41:05,667
There's no other boarder.
918
00:41:05,668 --> 00:41:07,067
She's a ghost ship.
919
00:41:07,100 --> 00:41:10,133
Ghost ship.
920
00:41:10,200 --> 00:41:11,233
I'm going aboard her.
921
00:41:11,300 --> 00:41:12,300
Who's coming with me?
922
00:41:14,467 --> 00:41:16,133
Two volunteers... you and you.
923
00:41:16,200 --> 00:41:17,767
One pace forward.
924
00:41:19,933 --> 00:41:21,433
Aw, come on, lads.
925
00:41:21,500 --> 00:41:22,967
Where's your spirit of adventure?
926
00:41:23,067 --> 00:41:24,933
Would you have me go on my own?
927
00:41:25,067 --> 00:41:26,700
Yes.
928
00:41:28,600 --> 00:41:31,066
I... Pepi the Poisoner,
929
00:41:31,067 --> 00:41:32,567
would very much like to come, sir.
930
00:41:32,633 --> 00:41:33,633
Unchain him.
931
00:41:33,634 --> 00:41:35,467
Here, gov... I'll come too.
932
00:41:44,533 --> 00:41:46,233
Not a living soul aboard.
933
00:41:48,733 --> 00:41:52,167
A table set for a meal.
934
00:41:52,233 --> 00:41:56,267
My God, it's hot.
935
00:41:56,333 --> 00:41:59,167
And it's delicious.
936
00:42:02,400 --> 00:42:04,600
Etiquette, men, etiquette.
937
00:42:05,700 --> 00:42:08,733
Captain, where are you?
938
00:42:10,367 --> 00:42:12,500
It's me...
939
00:42:12,567 --> 00:42:13,933
the lovely Diego.
940
00:42:16,200 --> 00:42:17,933
Don't hide from me...
941
00:42:18,067 --> 00:42:19,333
Captain.
942
00:42:28,400 --> 00:42:30,300
I hope we haven't
forgotten anything.
943
00:42:30,367 --> 00:42:31,867
Oh, I don't think so, Mama.
944
00:42:31,933 --> 00:42:33,367
Esmeralda.
945
00:42:36,567 --> 00:42:38,967
Why are you pushing her
into this marriage?
946
00:42:39,067 --> 00:42:41,100
Because I'm thinking
of her future.
947
00:42:41,167 --> 00:42:42,700
What future?
948
00:42:42,767 --> 00:42:43,967
What future has she got with a man
949
00:42:44,067 --> 00:42:45,467
old enough to be my father?
950
00:42:46,533 --> 00:42:47,633
Come.
951
00:42:49,400 --> 00:42:51,134
Would you care to join us
on board for dinner, madam.
952
00:42:51,200 --> 00:42:54,267
We're having chicken
in white wine.
953
00:42:54,333 --> 00:42:55,467
More chicken, Captain?
954
00:42:55,533 --> 00:42:56,633
Just a touch.
955
00:42:56,700 --> 00:42:58,267
I must save room for the pudding.
956
00:42:58,333 --> 00:43:00,833
Ha, this peach is invaluable.
957
00:43:00,900 --> 00:43:02,533
More wine, anyone?
958
00:43:03,599 --> 00:43:04,599
Bless you.
959
00:43:04,600 --> 00:43:06,067
Pirates.
960
00:43:06,133 --> 00:43:07,533
No.
961
00:43:07,600 --> 00:43:08,833
That's what happened, Tonto.
962
00:43:08,900 --> 00:43:13,533
The ship was attacked by pirates.
963
00:43:13,600 --> 00:43:15,900
And then the crew
was all massacred.
964
00:43:15,967 --> 00:43:18,066
And the bodies thrown overboard.
965
00:43:18,067 --> 00:43:21,667
And then they left her,
adrift and unmanned...
966
00:43:21,733 --> 00:43:23,900
in the middle of the ocean.
967
00:43:23,967 --> 00:43:26,233
She's a dangerous ship, Captain.
968
00:43:26,300 --> 00:43:29,233
She should be sunk.
969
00:43:29,300 --> 00:43:30,933
Set fire to.
970
00:43:31,067 --> 00:43:32,067
Yes, yes, all right.
971
00:43:32,068 --> 00:43:34,333
Pass the pudding.
972
00:43:39,733 --> 00:43:41,367
Cooey.
973
00:43:41,433 --> 00:43:44,667
Not too late, am I?
974
00:43:44,733 --> 00:43:46,733
Just look at this big spread.
975
00:43:46,800 --> 00:43:49,067
Ahem.
976
00:43:49,100 --> 00:43:51,667
I could do with something
hot inside me.
977
00:43:51,733 --> 00:43:53,667
How about this?
978
00:43:56,100 --> 00:43:57,333
Full as an egg.
979
00:44:00,800 --> 00:44:02,467
This fog is abominable.
980
00:44:02,533 --> 00:44:04,066
I can't even see the ship.
981
00:44:04,067 --> 00:44:05,067
Oh, straight ahead.
982
00:44:05,068 --> 00:44:06,767
Just coming to the gangway.
983
00:44:08,233 --> 00:44:10,100
My word, I did enjoy that.
984
00:44:10,167 --> 00:44:11,700
Ha. Captain,
985
00:44:11,767 --> 00:44:12,933
before we go, maybe we should,
986
00:44:13,067 --> 00:44:14,600
look around the ship, sir,
987
00:44:14,667 --> 00:44:16,100
see if there's
anything worth saving.
988
00:44:16,167 --> 00:44:18,067
Yeah... yeah, we
should, shouldn't we?
989
00:44:24,867 --> 00:44:26,233
Gold. Silver.
990
00:44:28,967 --> 00:44:30,800
Looks fantastic, Captain.
991
00:44:32,667 --> 00:44:35,833
Well... be a shame to
leave these, wouldn't it?
992
00:44:39,867 --> 00:44:41,833
Oh, now, that's lovely.
993
00:44:41,900 --> 00:44:43,100
Feel the quality of that.
994
00:44:45,967 --> 00:44:49,333
I do like these.
995
00:44:54,199 --> 00:44:55,199
Ole.
996
00:44:55,200 --> 00:44:57,167
Ah, ho.
997
00:45:03,433 --> 00:45:04,567
Ole.
998
00:45:10,533 --> 00:45:13,167
Ole.
999
00:45:13,233 --> 00:45:14,967
Watch your step, mum.
1000
00:45:20,600 --> 00:45:21,933
Oy. Right, mate.
1001
00:45:23,833 --> 00:45:25,067
Pirates.
1002
00:45:25,100 --> 00:45:26,767
Pirates.
1003
00:45:26,833 --> 00:45:28,533
Pirates... good God.
1004
00:45:28,600 --> 00:45:30,100
Governor, take care of the ladies.
1005
00:45:30,167 --> 00:45:31,733
Pirates.
1006
00:45:34,933 --> 00:45:36,667
You men, follow me.
1007
00:45:36,733 --> 00:45:37,733
Yes, sir.
1008
00:45:39,267 --> 00:45:41,200
Ole.
1009
00:45:42,867 --> 00:45:45,267
You blundering swine.
1010
00:45:45,333 --> 00:45:47,200
You'll hang for this.
1011
00:45:47,267 --> 00:45:49,433
Now, wait a minute, there's
been some mistake.
1012
00:45:49,500 --> 00:45:50,733
I think not.
1013
00:45:50,800 --> 00:45:52,067
Before you go to your fate,
1014
00:45:52,133 --> 00:45:54,567
you miserable pigs...
1015
00:45:54,633 --> 00:45:57,667
may I possibly have the pleasure?
1016
00:45:57,733 --> 00:45:58,900
Fire.
1017
00:45:58,967 --> 00:46:00,733
Fire? Fire.
1018
00:46:00,800 --> 00:46:02,667
Oh, no, Tonto's at it again.
1019
00:46:10,700 --> 00:46:12,500
Well, Columbus.
1020
00:46:12,567 --> 00:46:14,633
This is the end of your voyage.
1021
00:46:14,700 --> 00:46:17,667
You have managed to destroy one
of His Majesty's frigates...
1022
00:46:17,733 --> 00:46:18,833
And my daughter and I
1023
00:46:18,900 --> 00:46:20,900
must return to Spain
for the wedding.
1024
00:46:20,967 --> 00:46:22,733
Yes, and so, sir,
1025
00:46:22,800 --> 00:46:24,633
as Governor of the Canaries,
1026
00:46:24,700 --> 00:46:27,633
I command you to abandon
this trip to the Indies
1027
00:46:27,700 --> 00:46:29,300
and take them there.
1028
00:46:29,367 --> 00:46:32,066
I'm sorry, sir, but I refuse.
1029
00:46:32,067 --> 00:46:33,367
Oh, you refuse do you?
1030
00:46:33,433 --> 00:46:36,767
Well, as you were caught
with stolen property on you,
1031
00:46:36,833 --> 00:46:40,433
perhaps you prefer to
hang... for piracy?
1032
00:46:48,667 --> 00:46:50,667
Take it into the Captain's cabin.
1033
00:46:50,733 --> 00:46:51,800
Ho ho.
1034
00:46:51,867 --> 00:46:53,733
So you're gonna sleep
in there, are you?
1035
00:46:53,800 --> 00:46:55,233
Yes.
1036
00:46:55,300 --> 00:46:57,533
So you can take his stuff out.
1037
00:46:57,600 --> 00:46:59,900
Turn her into the wind.
1038
00:47:00,067 --> 00:47:02,467
Aye, gov.
1039
00:47:02,533 --> 00:47:03,733
We're ship's officers, you know.
1040
00:47:03,800 --> 00:47:05,800
Yeah, we shouldn't have
to sleep in the hole.
1041
00:47:05,867 --> 00:47:07,633
Well, if it's a case
of you or me...
1042
00:47:07,700 --> 00:47:08,933
it's you.
1043
00:47:09,067 --> 00:47:10,800
Captain Columbus,
1044
00:47:10,867 --> 00:47:13,300
you are instructed
to take me to Spain,
1045
00:47:13,367 --> 00:47:15,267
are you not? I am indeed, mum.
1046
00:47:15,333 --> 00:47:17,533
And Spain lies to the northeast
1047
00:47:17,600 --> 00:47:19,533
of the Canary
Islands, does it not?
1048
00:47:19,600 --> 00:47:20,800
Indeed it does, madam.
1049
00:47:20,867 --> 00:47:24,933
Then why, Captain, are we
sailing the southwest?
1050
00:47:25,067 --> 00:47:26,633
Are we? "Are we?"
1051
00:47:26,700 --> 00:47:29,200
"Are we?" You know
damned well we are.
1052
00:47:29,267 --> 00:47:31,567
I'm not an idiot. I
can tell by the sun.
1053
00:47:31,633 --> 00:47:34,133
We are not heading
for Spain at all.
1054
00:47:34,200 --> 00:47:36,300
At the moment, mum, we are tacking
1055
00:47:36,367 --> 00:47:37,800
from side to side,
1056
00:47:37,867 --> 00:47:39,600
a maritime manoeuvre
of which it's obvious
1057
00:47:39,667 --> 00:47:40,667
you know nothing. What?
1058
00:47:40,668 --> 00:47:42,300
I am in command of this ship,
1059
00:47:42,367 --> 00:47:45,200
so I suggest you leave
the navigation to me.
1060
00:47:45,267 --> 00:47:46,600
Mm...
1061
00:47:46,667 --> 00:47:48,433
Mm...
1062
00:47:52,733 --> 00:47:55,267
He's not taking her
back to Spain at all.
1063
00:47:55,333 --> 00:47:56,833
He's set course for the Indies.
1064
00:47:56,900 --> 00:47:58,300
Then we must get
hold of that scroll
1065
00:47:58,367 --> 00:48:00,467
and destroy it.
1066
00:48:26,967 --> 00:48:28,133
Who are you?
1067
00:48:28,200 --> 00:48:30,100
You are asleep,
1068
00:48:30,167 --> 00:48:33,300
and I am an erotic dream.
1069
00:48:33,367 --> 00:48:36,067
Sleep... sleep...
1070
00:48:36,133 --> 00:48:37,900
Don't try to wake up.
1071
00:48:37,967 --> 00:48:39,200
No, no, who are you?
1072
00:48:39,267 --> 00:48:42,533
Oh, sir, I'm only a poor girl.
1073
00:48:42,600 --> 00:48:44,233
Please, Captain,
1074
00:48:44,300 --> 00:48:46,633
you wouldn't take
advantage of a poor girl.
1075
00:48:46,700 --> 00:48:47,800
Would you?
1076
00:49:17,067 --> 00:49:18,800
Bart.
1077
00:49:18,867 --> 00:49:21,267
Bart.
1078
00:49:21,333 --> 00:49:22,333
Bart.
1079
00:49:27,500 --> 00:49:29,267
Maria.
1080
00:49:29,333 --> 00:49:30,933
What are you doing?
1081
00:49:31,067 --> 00:49:32,433
The same as you.
1082
00:49:32,500 --> 00:49:35,067
You naughty girl, don't you dare.
1083
00:49:35,100 --> 00:49:38,933
You go back to bed this minute.
1084
00:49:39,067 --> 00:49:41,300
Are you in love with him?
1085
00:49:41,367 --> 00:49:42,400
I think so.
1086
00:49:43,967 --> 00:49:45,200
Well, do be careful.
1087
00:49:48,067 --> 00:49:49,767
Three bells.
1088
00:49:55,233 --> 00:49:57,066
Hello, Marco.
1089
00:49:57,067 --> 00:49:58,167
Oh.
1090
00:49:58,233 --> 00:49:59,400
What are you looking at?
1091
00:49:59,467 --> 00:50:01,800
Sharks... man-eating sharks.
1092
00:50:01,867 --> 00:50:03,400
The sea's full of them.
1093
00:50:03,467 --> 00:50:06,433
Hey... you mind you don't fall in.
1094
00:50:06,500 --> 00:50:08,000
Oh, my goodness.
1095
00:50:08,067 --> 00:50:09,800
You don't think
they'd eat me whole?
1096
00:50:09,867 --> 00:50:13,133
No, I'm told they spit that out.
1097
00:50:13,200 --> 00:50:17,367
Oh, isn't the moon lovely?
1098
00:50:17,433 --> 00:50:18,767
Not as lovely as you.
1099
00:50:18,833 --> 00:50:20,967
Oh, no, you mustn't kiss me.
1100
00:50:21,033 --> 00:50:23,500
I am betrothed.
1101
00:50:23,567 --> 00:50:26,500
Oh... yes, of course you are.
1102
00:50:26,567 --> 00:50:29,533
My fiance, the duke,
1103
00:50:29,600 --> 00:50:31,767
might find out.
1104
00:50:31,833 --> 00:50:34,433
Of course... he might.
1105
00:50:37,500 --> 00:50:41,433
Of course, he might not.
1106
00:50:52,167 --> 00:50:53,300
Well?
1107
00:50:53,367 --> 00:50:54,367
Did you get it?
1108
00:50:54,368 --> 00:50:56,167
Oh, I most certainly did.
1109
00:50:56,233 --> 00:50:57,767
Where is it? What?
1110
00:50:57,833 --> 00:50:58,833
The scroll.
1111
00:50:58,834 --> 00:51:00,066
Oh, that.
1112
00:51:00,067 --> 00:51:01,333
I get it tomorrow.
1113
00:51:01,400 --> 00:51:04,567
Fatima, we are failing
in our mission.
1114
00:51:04,633 --> 00:51:05,967
You must think of the sultan.
1115
00:51:06,067 --> 00:51:09,333
I did... and there
was no comparison.
1116
00:51:36,833 --> 00:51:38,167
Oh, good morning, steward.
1117
00:51:38,233 --> 00:51:39,767
Morning, Captain.
1118
00:51:39,833 --> 00:51:41,367
You're not gonna be long, are you?
1119
00:51:41,433 --> 00:51:42,433
No sir, heh.
1120
00:51:42,434 --> 00:51:45,066
You seem to have had
a restless night.
1121
00:51:45,067 --> 00:51:46,800
Oh, yes, well...
1122
00:51:46,867 --> 00:51:49,500
it's this hot weather,
the strain of command.
1123
00:51:49,567 --> 00:51:51,433
I don't know how much
longer I can keep it up.
1124
00:51:51,500 --> 00:51:52,633
Oh, you must try, sir.
1125
00:51:52,700 --> 00:51:55,100
You really must.
1126
00:51:58,133 --> 00:52:00,333
Lunch, Milady.
1127
00:52:02,267 --> 00:52:04,067
I do hope you're feeling hungry.
1128
00:52:04,133 --> 00:52:06,367
Well, I was.
1129
00:52:06,433 --> 00:52:09,500
Oh, yes, the chef sends
you his best wishes.
1130
00:52:09,567 --> 00:52:12,633
What for, a speedy recovery?
1131
00:52:17,567 --> 00:52:19,500
That's ghastly.
1132
00:52:19,567 --> 00:52:21,500
What is this Keck?
1133
00:52:21,567 --> 00:52:23,500
Don't blame me, Tonto.
1134
00:52:23,567 --> 00:52:25,067
The ship's stores have run out.
1135
00:52:25,133 --> 00:52:27,533
Just hold your nose when you
eat it like everybody else.
1136
00:52:27,600 --> 00:52:28,867
Next.
1137
00:52:30,767 --> 00:52:32,533
You have a sickness
of the motions.
1138
00:52:32,600 --> 00:52:33,600
What motions?
1139
00:52:33,633 --> 00:52:35,333
The motions of the ship.
1140
00:52:35,400 --> 00:52:38,067
The Mal de Mar, the
sickness of the sea.
1141
00:52:38,133 --> 00:52:40,567
No, doctor, it's the
appalling food.
1142
00:52:40,633 --> 00:52:43,267
I'd feel sick eating that
even if I was stationary.
1143
00:52:44,333 --> 00:52:45,800
Though I shall be much better
1144
00:52:45,867 --> 00:52:48,067
when I get back to Spain.
1145
00:52:48,133 --> 00:52:51,533
Yes, but we're not
going back to Spain.
1146
00:52:51,600 --> 00:52:52,633
What?
1147
00:52:52,700 --> 00:52:54,066
Mm...
1148
00:52:54,067 --> 00:52:55,067
It is as I thought.
1149
00:52:55,133 --> 00:52:56,433
Do the crew know this?
1150
00:52:56,500 --> 00:52:57,867
Yes, and they're furious.
1151
00:52:57,933 --> 00:53:00,700
A month at sea, and
not a sight of land.
1152
00:53:00,767 --> 00:53:03,933
Ducky, we must return
to Spain... we must.
1153
00:53:04,067 --> 00:53:05,400
Listen to me.
1154
00:53:05,467 --> 00:53:08,400
If you can persuade the men
1155
00:53:08,467 --> 00:53:11,367
to make Columbus go back to Spain,
1156
00:53:11,433 --> 00:53:14,567
my husband will pay
every man jack of you
1157
00:53:14,633 --> 00:53:15,800
a year's salary.
1158
00:53:15,867 --> 00:53:18,667
You realise, of course,
that this is mutiny.
1159
00:53:18,733 --> 00:53:20,633
I didn't hear that.
1160
00:53:20,700 --> 00:53:23,267
Kindly pass on my offer.
1161
00:53:24,333 --> 00:53:25,500
This ship's biscuit
1162
00:53:25,567 --> 00:53:28,233
is full of little crawly weevils.
1163
00:53:28,300 --> 00:53:30,767
Is it lawful to eat
living weevils?
1164
00:53:30,833 --> 00:53:32,633
What an interesting idea.
1165
00:53:32,700 --> 00:53:34,633
You know, it's never
come up before.
1166
00:53:34,700 --> 00:53:37,333
Well, it's coming up now.
1167
00:53:39,400 --> 00:53:41,333
This food isn't fit for pigs.
1168
00:53:41,400 --> 00:53:42,633
Yes, it is.
1169
00:53:42,700 --> 00:53:44,633
No, look... gather all
the men together.
1170
00:53:44,700 --> 00:53:47,833
I've got a very
interesting proposition.
1171
00:54:01,167 --> 00:54:02,667
Are you all right, lad?
1172
00:54:02,733 --> 00:54:05,200
Oh, Captain... I love you.
1173
00:54:07,367 --> 00:54:08,667
Yes...
1174
00:54:08,733 --> 00:54:11,600
Well, I'm very pleased to
hear of your loyalty, but...
1175
00:54:11,667 --> 00:54:13,133
But I love you, I love you.
1176
00:54:13,200 --> 00:54:14,200
I love you.
1177
00:54:14,267 --> 00:54:15,367
I love you, I love you.
1178
00:54:15,433 --> 00:54:16,700
Now, don't overdo it, lad.
1179
00:54:16,767 --> 00:54:19,533
Now, I want no more
than your loyalty.
1180
00:54:19,600 --> 00:54:22,800
This beard and moustache is false.
1181
00:54:22,867 --> 00:54:25,767
Yes, I always thought it was.
1182
00:54:25,833 --> 00:54:27,200
Still, if you can't grow one,
1183
00:54:27,267 --> 00:54:28,267
and you want to look older,
1184
00:54:28,268 --> 00:54:29,600
what's the harm in that?
1185
00:54:29,667 --> 00:54:31,067
Look at me, look at me.
1186
00:54:31,100 --> 00:54:32,267
Well... yes.
1187
00:54:32,333 --> 00:54:33,333
Well, without that beard,
1188
00:54:33,334 --> 00:54:34,633
you're quite good-looking.
1189
00:54:34,700 --> 00:54:36,467
Thank you. Now put
it back on again
1190
00:54:36,533 --> 00:54:37,800
and go and fetch me pudding.
1191
00:54:37,867 --> 00:54:40,900
I am the one who
came in the night.
1192
00:54:43,600 --> 00:54:44,900
My erotic dream. Yes.
1193
00:54:44,967 --> 00:54:45,967
Agh.
1194
00:54:46,067 --> 00:54:47,567
I only pretend to be a man.
1195
00:54:47,633 --> 00:54:49,867
I really am a woman.
1196
00:54:51,633 --> 00:54:54,333
Oh, I am very glad to hear that.
1197
00:54:54,400 --> 00:54:56,367
Most relieved.
1198
00:54:56,433 --> 00:54:59,333
Then... perhaps...
1199
00:54:59,400 --> 00:55:00,467
you could fetch me pudding?
1200
00:55:00,533 --> 00:55:03,733
How would you feel
about a Turkish spy?
1201
00:55:03,800 --> 00:55:05,867
Is that the one they
make with figs and suet?
1202
00:55:05,933 --> 00:55:07,900
No, no, no, no, no, Captain.
1203
00:55:07,967 --> 00:55:11,067
I'm an agent of the sultan,
sent to spy on you.
1204
00:55:11,133 --> 00:55:12,933
Can you ever forgive me?
1205
00:55:13,067 --> 00:55:16,200
Oh, Captain, my darling, can you?
1206
00:55:18,267 --> 00:55:19,533
Ooh.
1207
00:55:19,600 --> 00:55:22,600
Oh, well, well, I'm
sure I could, yes.
1208
00:55:22,667 --> 00:55:24,400
Given time.
1209
00:55:24,467 --> 00:55:26,267
But, Captain, time is running out.
1210
00:55:26,333 --> 00:55:27,767
The crew are about to mutiny.
1211
00:55:27,833 --> 00:55:29,533
Oh, nonsense, nonsense.
1212
00:55:29,600 --> 00:55:31,833
I'll soon talk them out of it.
1213
00:55:31,900 --> 00:55:34,066
Now, men, lads...
1214
00:55:34,067 --> 00:55:35,667
friends...
1215
00:55:35,733 --> 00:55:37,700
For we are all
friends, are we not?
1216
00:55:37,767 --> 00:55:39,633
Comrades bound together
1217
00:55:39,700 --> 00:55:42,267
by the dangers and
hardships we have endured.
1218
00:55:42,333 --> 00:55:44,767
I have great tidings for you.
1219
00:55:44,833 --> 00:55:47,500
Today, tomorrow at the latest,
1220
00:55:47,567 --> 00:55:48,900
we shall reach land.
1221
00:55:48,967 --> 00:55:51,133
You said that yesterday, Captain.
1222
00:55:51,200 --> 00:55:52,933
And the day before.
1223
00:55:53,067 --> 00:55:54,533
He's been saying it
for a fortnight.
1224
00:55:54,600 --> 00:55:55,733
Yeah, let's turn back.
1225
00:55:55,800 --> 00:55:57,467
I will not turn back.
1226
00:55:57,533 --> 00:55:58,900
Your last chance, Captain.
1227
00:55:58,967 --> 00:56:00,500
Will you turn back?
1228
00:56:00,567 --> 00:56:01,567
No.
1229
00:56:01,568 --> 00:56:03,333
Right.
1230
00:56:05,967 --> 00:56:06,967
You've got two minutes
1231
00:56:07,067 --> 00:56:08,067
to make your peace with God.
1232
00:56:08,100 --> 00:56:09,700
Very well.
1233
00:56:09,767 --> 00:56:12,467
I ask God to forgive my sins.
1234
00:56:12,533 --> 00:56:13,533
Which aren't any.
1235
00:56:13,534 --> 00:56:14,767
Amen.
1236
00:56:14,833 --> 00:56:17,133
I have lived a wicked
and profligate life.
1237
00:56:17,200 --> 00:56:18,367
Amen.
1238
00:56:18,433 --> 00:56:20,767
As a youth, I was a pirate.
1239
00:56:20,833 --> 00:56:22,767
A...
1240
00:56:22,833 --> 00:56:23,867
A pirate?
1241
00:56:23,933 --> 00:56:25,333
Oh, yes.
1242
00:56:25,400 --> 00:56:27,700
Yes, I plundered and looted.
1243
00:56:27,767 --> 00:56:28,833
But most of all,
1244
00:56:28,900 --> 00:56:29,967
I hoarded.
1245
00:56:30,067 --> 00:56:32,900
I asked God's mercy
1246
00:56:32,967 --> 00:56:35,600
for the hundreds of millions
of maravedis I have hoarded
1247
00:56:35,667 --> 00:56:38,333
and hidden away instead
of sharing them
1248
00:56:38,400 --> 00:56:40,567
among my fellow man.
1249
00:56:41,900 --> 00:56:44,167
Now, as I depart this life,
1250
00:56:44,233 --> 00:56:46,967
to show that I bear
no man any malice,
1251
00:56:47,067 --> 00:56:49,067
I do hereby give and bequeath
1252
00:56:49,133 --> 00:56:52,333
this fortune to be shared equally
1253
00:56:52,400 --> 00:56:54,067
among my fellow shipmates.
1254
00:56:54,100 --> 00:56:55,300
Oh, that's great.
1255
00:56:55,367 --> 00:56:57,067
So... haul away.
1256
00:56:57,133 --> 00:56:59,367
Haul the rope. No, hold on.
1257
00:56:59,433 --> 00:57:01,133
Where is it?
1258
00:57:01,200 --> 00:57:02,200
You're holding it.
1259
00:57:02,267 --> 00:57:04,633
Not the rope... the fortune.
1260
00:57:04,700 --> 00:57:06,067
Oh, the fortune.
1261
00:57:06,133 --> 00:57:07,800
Yes, that is buried
1262
00:57:07,867 --> 00:57:10,433
under an olive tree in Andalusia.
1263
00:57:10,500 --> 00:57:12,067
Haul away. Hold it.
1264
00:57:12,133 --> 00:57:14,267
I'll tell you when to haul.
1265
00:57:14,333 --> 00:57:15,333
Now, Captain...
1266
00:57:15,334 --> 00:57:17,067
which olive tree?
1267
00:57:17,133 --> 00:57:18,133
Oh, you'll find it.
1268
00:57:18,134 --> 00:57:19,667
Just keep digging, digging.
1269
00:57:19,733 --> 00:57:22,067
I'm sorry, I can't talk more.
1270
00:57:22,133 --> 00:57:24,267
Goodbye, my dear shipmates.
1271
00:57:24,333 --> 00:57:26,467
Oh, Captain, do as they say.
1272
00:57:26,533 --> 00:57:27,633
Turn back.
1273
00:57:27,700 --> 00:57:29,733
I really think you
ought to, Captain,
1274
00:57:29,800 --> 00:57:32,066
for your own sake.
1275
00:57:32,067 --> 00:57:34,900
Couldn't we, give you
one last chance, right?
1276
00:57:36,367 --> 00:57:38,600
I am determined to go
onwards or upwards.
1277
00:57:38,667 --> 00:57:40,700
Haul away, men. Land.
1278
00:57:40,767 --> 00:57:43,067
Land on the starboard bow.
1279
00:57:46,467 --> 00:57:47,667
Can you... Land.
1280
00:57:47,733 --> 00:57:49,667
Cut him down.
1281
00:57:55,767 --> 00:57:58,067
Oh, darling, are you all right?
1282
00:57:58,133 --> 00:57:59,900
Yes... unloose me.
1283
00:58:00,067 --> 00:58:02,633
Lad, and not so much emotion.
1284
00:58:02,700 --> 00:58:04,066
Not in front of the crew.
1285
00:58:04,067 --> 00:58:06,133
Captain... Yeah?
1286
00:58:06,200 --> 00:58:07,700
Can you ever forgive me?
1287
00:58:07,767 --> 00:58:10,267
Yes, of course I can.
1288
00:58:10,333 --> 00:58:12,233
Oh, oh, God.
1289
00:58:12,300 --> 00:58:15,467
I'm taking the ship, Captain.
1290
00:58:15,533 --> 00:58:16,533
Well, yes, of course.
1291
00:58:16,534 --> 00:58:17,800
Lower the anchor.
1292
00:58:17,867 --> 00:58:18,967
Lift the anchor.
1293
00:58:19,067 --> 00:58:21,066
Lower the boat. Lower the boat?
1294
00:58:21,067 --> 00:58:22,900
Ah, oh.
1295
00:58:24,533 --> 00:58:26,500
Can you give me one good reason
1296
00:58:26,567 --> 00:58:28,600
why I don't have you hanged?
1297
00:58:28,667 --> 00:58:29,867
Yes.
1298
00:58:29,933 --> 00:58:31,900
I used to be a pirate,
1299
00:58:31,967 --> 00:58:33,300
I got all this gold buried,
1300
00:58:33,367 --> 00:58:35,467
and I want to share it with you.
1301
00:58:39,467 --> 00:58:40,733
Ooh. I'll deal with you later.
1302
00:58:40,800 --> 00:58:42,733
Muster the landing party.
1303
00:58:42,800 --> 00:58:44,500
Muster the landing party.
1304
00:58:44,567 --> 00:58:46,133
Stow the sails.
1305
00:59:06,967 --> 00:59:09,533
So, Pontiac, what do
you think of that?
1306
00:59:09,600 --> 00:59:10,967
What the hell is that?
1307
00:59:11,067 --> 00:59:12,733
I never seen nothing like
that before, have you?
1308
00:59:12,800 --> 00:59:13,800
Nothing.
1309
00:59:13,801 --> 00:59:14,900
You know what it looks like?
1310
00:59:14,967 --> 00:59:17,533
Looks like, like a giant canoe
1311
00:59:17,600 --> 00:59:19,533
with washing hanging all
over the side of it.
1312
00:59:19,600 --> 00:59:21,533
Yeah, and no paddles.
1313
00:59:21,600 --> 00:59:22,600
Yeah, hey.
1314
00:59:22,601 --> 00:59:23,733
You think it's some kind
1315
00:59:23,800 --> 00:59:25,533
of a floating laundry
service or something?
1316
00:59:25,600 --> 00:59:27,700
Could be... Hey, maybe
they're Chinese.
1317
00:59:27,767 --> 00:59:30,333
Hey, look, they're
lowering a little canoe
1318
00:59:30,400 --> 00:59:32,067
from the big canoe... You
know what that means?
1319
00:59:32,100 --> 00:59:33,533
That means that they're
coming ashore.
1320
00:59:33,600 --> 00:59:35,533
Oh, this could be good.
1321
00:59:35,600 --> 00:59:37,533
Your wife's got any
washing she needs doing?
1322
00:59:37,600 --> 00:59:38,867
That's a very good idea.
1323
00:59:38,933 --> 00:59:40,467
Here's what we do: go
back, we ask the wives.
1324
00:59:40,533 --> 00:59:41,533
Huh? Okay.
1325
00:59:41,534 --> 00:59:43,167
Do this... hope they
don't use starch.
1326
00:59:43,233 --> 00:59:44,833
Forward.
1327
01:00:02,600 --> 01:00:06,267
I declare this land,
wherever it is,
1328
01:00:06,333 --> 01:00:08,533
under the protection
of Their Majesties,
1329
01:00:08,600 --> 01:00:11,033
King Ferdinand and Queen Isabella
1330
01:00:11,100 --> 01:00:13,533
of Aragon and Castile.
1331
01:00:14,767 --> 01:00:17,133
Mr Mendoza, would
you care to convey
1332
01:00:17,200 --> 01:00:19,467
our best wishes and tell
them what we've come for?
1333
01:00:19,533 --> 01:00:21,133
You mean speak to them?
1334
01:00:21,200 --> 01:00:23,133
Well, you told me
you spoke Chinese.
1335
01:00:23,200 --> 01:00:24,500
Ahem.
1336
01:00:27,200 --> 01:00:30,033
How.
1337
01:00:34,233 --> 01:00:35,533
What did they say?
1338
01:00:35,600 --> 01:00:38,133
He said he's not Chinese.
1339
01:00:38,200 --> 01:00:39,633
So we're not in China?
1340
01:00:39,700 --> 01:00:42,033
I'd say we were in India.
1341
01:00:42,100 --> 01:00:43,533
Do you speak Indian?
1342
01:00:43,600 --> 01:00:45,133
Well, not fluently.
1343
01:00:45,200 --> 01:00:47,033
So it's sign language?
1344
01:00:47,100 --> 01:00:48,467
Now, in that, I'm fluent.
1345
01:00:48,533 --> 01:00:50,033
Don't forget what we came for:
1346
01:00:50,100 --> 01:00:51,867
the treasure of the Indies, gold.
1347
01:00:51,933 --> 01:00:53,500
Gold.
1348
01:00:55,300 --> 01:00:57,467
So he's found the Indies.
1349
01:00:57,533 --> 01:00:59,100
Well, he's certainly
found somewhere.
1350
01:00:59,167 --> 01:01:01,600
Yes... all said,
1351
01:01:01,667 --> 01:01:03,167
the king and queen
will be all over him
1352
01:01:03,233 --> 01:01:05,367
when we get back to Spain.
1353
01:01:05,433 --> 01:01:07,900
Madam, he is before
with unreliable
1354
01:01:07,967 --> 01:01:09,833
and potentially
treacherous savages who,
1355
01:01:09,900 --> 01:01:11,833
it is rumoured...
1356
01:01:11,900 --> 01:01:14,600
do some very strange things
with chicken feathers,
1357
01:01:14,667 --> 01:01:15,867
if you follow me.
1358
01:01:15,933 --> 01:01:17,167
Yes, I do.
1359
01:01:17,233 --> 01:01:19,167
And, should any misfortune
1360
01:01:19,233 --> 01:01:21,067
befall Columbus,
1361
01:01:21,100 --> 01:01:23,167
you, as the king's officer,
1362
01:01:23,233 --> 01:01:25,600
will of course be in charge.
1363
01:01:25,667 --> 01:01:28,100
Do you follow me?
1364
01:01:28,167 --> 01:01:31,067
Absolutely.
1365
01:01:43,900 --> 01:01:45,133
Hi, Chief.
1366
01:01:45,200 --> 01:01:46,700
Hey, Hubba, what do you
hear, what do you say?
1367
01:01:46,701 --> 01:01:47,833
All right.
1368
01:01:47,900 --> 01:01:51,067
We think they're some kind
of travelling laundry.
1369
01:01:51,100 --> 01:01:54,100
Oh, you gotta be kidding me.
1370
01:02:00,233 --> 01:02:03,133
We... bring...
1371
01:02:03,200 --> 01:02:06,200
gifts.
1372
01:02:06,267 --> 01:02:08,667
Oh, no, not another mime troop.
1373
01:02:08,733 --> 01:02:10,667
He can't even spell.
1374
01:02:10,733 --> 01:02:12,667
But it's a nice suit, huh?
1375
01:02:17,233 --> 01:02:18,833
Him...
1376
01:02:18,900 --> 01:02:20,633
gift.
1377
01:02:22,100 --> 01:02:24,167
Him... gift.
1378
01:02:24,233 --> 01:02:27,167
Him, gift?
1379
01:02:27,233 --> 01:02:28,633
Him, garbage.
1380
01:02:44,367 --> 01:02:46,633
What do you make of it?
1381
01:02:46,700 --> 01:02:48,567
Some kind of vegetable.
1382
01:02:48,633 --> 01:02:49,933
Looks like old, dried cabbage.
1383
01:02:52,233 --> 01:02:53,600
Yeah.
1384
01:02:55,467 --> 01:02:57,833
What's it taste like?
1385
01:02:57,900 --> 01:02:59,800
Horse shit.
1386
01:02:59,867 --> 01:03:02,067
Is it cooked?
1387
01:03:02,133 --> 01:03:03,367
If it is, they should
shoot the cook.
1388
01:03:06,166 --> 01:03:07,166
Well, I'll be damned.
1389
01:03:07,167 --> 01:03:08,667
Look at that.
1390
01:03:08,733 --> 01:03:10,233
They cook it while
you're eating it.
1391
01:03:10,300 --> 01:03:12,233
So try it cooked.
1392
01:03:15,300 --> 01:03:16,833
Oh, yeah.
1393
01:03:19,733 --> 01:03:22,233
What's it taste like now?
1394
01:03:22,300 --> 01:03:23,867
Still taste like horse shit.
1395
01:03:28,900 --> 01:03:29,900
Powwow.
1396
01:03:29,933 --> 01:03:31,633
Powwow?
1397
01:03:37,300 --> 01:03:40,733
So... who are these guys?
1398
01:03:40,800 --> 01:03:42,100
I don't know who they are,
1399
01:03:42,167 --> 01:03:43,633
but you better tell 'em
that we don't want
1400
01:03:43,700 --> 01:03:44,867
no God damn immigrants.
1401
01:03:44,933 --> 01:03:47,400
Please, we've got
to be hospitable.
1402
01:03:47,467 --> 01:03:48,733
Excuse me, may I, may I?
1403
01:03:48,800 --> 01:03:50,233
Thank you.
1404
01:03:50,300 --> 01:03:51,867
I say we make them welcome.
1405
01:03:51,933 --> 01:03:54,567
Yeah, I say that we kill 'em now
1406
01:03:54,633 --> 01:03:55,767
while we still got
'em outnumbered.
1407
01:03:55,768 --> 01:03:57,633
We can't do that, we're civilised.
1408
01:03:57,700 --> 01:03:59,333
Oh, sure, sure, we're civilised,
1409
01:03:59,400 --> 01:04:02,633
but these sons of bitches
could be cannibals.
1410
01:04:02,700 --> 01:04:04,800
Pardon me, excuse me...
1411
01:04:04,867 --> 01:04:07,067
do you have the big hat
with the nice jewels?
1412
01:04:07,133 --> 01:04:08,932
- No, you don't. See?
- You have no feathers.
1413
01:04:08,960 --> 01:04:10,559
I see plenty of feathers
here, do you know why?
1414
01:04:10,560 --> 01:04:12,360
- That's because I'm the...
- Chief, you're the chief.
1415
01:04:12,367 --> 01:04:13,500
Bingo.
1416
01:04:14,367 --> 01:04:15,800
That's why I say we
make friends with them.
1417
01:04:15,867 --> 01:04:17,667
I say we show them
our ways of peace.
1418
01:04:17,733 --> 01:04:19,500
Course, that's just what I say.
1419
01:04:19,567 --> 01:04:21,034
All right, all right,
okay, you're the chief.
1420
01:04:21,035 --> 01:04:22,300
Whatever you say,
have it your way.
1421
01:04:22,367 --> 01:04:24,066
But you'll be sorry.
1422
01:04:25,866 --> 01:04:26,866
Bell.
1423
01:04:26,867 --> 01:04:28,066
Mm.
1424
01:04:28,067 --> 01:04:30,300
Bell.
1425
01:04:31,633 --> 01:04:33,400
Two bells.
1426
01:04:35,967 --> 01:04:36,967
Two bells.
1427
01:04:38,500 --> 01:04:39,833
Three bells.
1428
01:04:41,100 --> 01:04:42,933
Three bells.
1429
01:04:47,200 --> 01:04:48,667
Gold.
1430
01:04:48,733 --> 01:04:49,800
Gold.
1431
01:04:51,867 --> 01:04:52,967
Gold.
1432
01:04:53,067 --> 01:04:54,100
Gold.
1433
01:04:54,167 --> 01:04:55,500
We trade.
1434
01:04:55,567 --> 01:04:56,633
We trade.
1435
01:04:56,700 --> 01:04:58,533
Me take gold.
1436
01:04:58,600 --> 01:05:00,233
You take gold?
1437
01:05:00,300 --> 01:05:02,233
You take bells.
1438
01:05:02,300 --> 01:05:03,867
Balls.
1439
01:05:03,933 --> 01:05:05,267
No, not balls.
1440
01:05:05,333 --> 01:05:07,067
Bells, bells, bells.
1441
01:05:07,133 --> 01:05:10,066
Balls, balls, balls.
1442
01:05:10,067 --> 01:05:11,367
What is this?
1443
01:05:11,433 --> 01:05:12,867
Rather nice.
1444
01:05:12,933 --> 01:05:14,733
Look nice in my cabin.
1445
01:05:14,800 --> 01:05:16,733
Set my porthole up a treat.
1446
01:05:16,800 --> 01:05:18,933
Oh, watch out.
1447
01:05:19,067 --> 01:05:20,067
Hello.
1448
01:05:20,068 --> 01:05:21,267
How. Hello.
1449
01:05:21,333 --> 01:05:24,567
Me Ha Ha, him Poca Hontas.
1450
01:05:24,633 --> 01:05:27,767
Well, I never...
What's a "Hontas"?
1451
01:05:27,833 --> 01:05:29,167
Him tomato.
1452
01:05:29,233 --> 01:05:30,667
Tomato.
1453
01:05:30,733 --> 01:05:32,333
Eat, eat.
1454
01:05:32,400 --> 01:05:33,867
Oh, eating tomato.
1455
01:05:33,933 --> 01:05:35,367
Mm.
1456
01:05:35,433 --> 01:05:36,433
What's it like?
1457
01:05:36,434 --> 01:05:37,467
Lovely.
1458
01:05:37,533 --> 01:05:38,533
Taste it.
1459
01:05:40,167 --> 01:05:42,467
Tomato... him good.
1460
01:05:42,533 --> 01:05:44,500
Tomato, him go...
1461
01:05:50,333 --> 01:05:51,467
Aha, oh, you don't think
1462
01:05:51,533 --> 01:05:52,700
he means to get you going, do you?
1463
01:05:52,767 --> 01:05:54,367
Certainly not.
1464
01:05:54,433 --> 01:05:57,933
Probably means they're
easy to grow.
1465
01:05:58,067 --> 01:06:00,800
So... how's it going?
1466
01:06:00,867 --> 01:06:04,066
Ah, they're so... primitive.
1467
01:06:04,067 --> 01:06:05,367
"We want, we take."
1468
01:06:05,433 --> 01:06:06,433
"You give."
1469
01:06:06,434 --> 01:06:08,267
What do these guys want?
1470
01:06:08,333 --> 01:06:09,467
Food, women, sheep?
1471
01:06:09,533 --> 01:06:10,833
Sheep...
1472
01:06:10,900 --> 01:06:12,400
Quite.
1473
01:06:12,467 --> 01:06:14,066
Steady, steady.
1474
01:06:14,067 --> 01:06:16,400
Sorry.
1475
01:06:16,467 --> 01:06:17,467
They want gold.
1476
01:06:17,500 --> 01:06:19,433
Gold when they can have sheep?
1477
01:06:19,500 --> 01:06:20,933
Huh.
1478
01:06:21,067 --> 01:06:22,233
You weren't married to my sister.
1479
01:06:22,300 --> 01:06:24,533
Gold, they want gold...
It's all they talk about.
1480
01:06:24,600 --> 01:06:26,066
Wait a minute, hold on a minute.
1481
01:06:26,067 --> 01:06:28,066
All right, look, we don't
have very much gold.
1482
01:06:28,067 --> 01:06:30,133
And if we don't get
rid of these guys,
1483
01:06:30,200 --> 01:06:31,200
we're not gonna have any.
1484
01:06:31,201 --> 01:06:32,500
Tell me something I don't know.
1485
01:06:32,567 --> 01:06:34,301
What can you say... they're
simple, primitive people.
1486
01:06:34,302 --> 01:06:35,400
Stupid, too.
1487
01:06:35,467 --> 01:06:36,967
Oh, stupid as hell.
1488
01:06:38,067 --> 01:06:39,067
Hello.
1489
01:06:39,100 --> 01:06:41,233
Not bright, not bright.
1490
01:06:41,300 --> 01:06:44,433
Now, Diego, these are
very peaceful people.
1491
01:06:44,500 --> 01:06:47,400
Make sure the crew keep
their hands off the women.
1492
01:06:48,733 --> 01:06:50,433
Stop. Stop.
1493
01:06:51,733 --> 01:06:54,300
You were saying, Captain?
1494
01:06:54,367 --> 01:06:57,067
Now, Diego, these are a
very peaceful people.
1495
01:06:57,100 --> 01:06:59,067
I still say we get
rid of these guys.
1496
01:06:59,100 --> 01:07:00,500
Well, and you're gonna love this.
1497
01:07:00,567 --> 01:07:02,167
They want to see the gold mine.
1498
01:07:02,233 --> 01:07:03,267
Wait a minute, the gold mine?
1499
01:07:03,333 --> 01:07:05,066
The one that our ancestors
mined for the gold?
1500
01:07:05,067 --> 01:07:06,367
The one it's death to enter?
1501
01:07:06,433 --> 01:07:07,433
That's the one.
1502
01:07:07,434 --> 01:07:09,567
Good... then we'll take 'em there.
1503
01:07:13,067 --> 01:07:15,200
Right, lads, this is
what we came for.
1504
01:07:15,267 --> 01:07:16,300
Gold. Gold.
1505
01:07:16,367 --> 01:07:19,100
Ah, the gold mines of the Indies.
1506
01:07:25,567 --> 01:07:26,667
Who is this?
1507
01:07:26,733 --> 01:07:28,066
Shaman, medicine man.
1508
01:07:28,067 --> 01:07:30,800
Him make heap big spells, oh ho.
1509
01:07:30,867 --> 01:07:32,133
Oh, nonsense.
1510
01:07:32,200 --> 01:07:33,500
Yah ah ah.
1511
01:07:33,567 --> 01:07:36,267
Also, first class rain-maker.
1512
01:07:38,567 --> 01:07:39,567
Pull the other one.
1513
01:07:40,667 --> 01:07:41,867
Mm...
1514
01:07:46,467 --> 01:07:48,767
All right, all right,
you've made your point.
1515
01:07:54,533 --> 01:07:56,867
We're ready to go, Chief.
1516
01:07:58,733 --> 01:08:01,067
Shaman say safe to go.
1517
01:08:01,133 --> 01:08:02,200
All the best.
1518
01:08:04,767 --> 01:08:06,200
Right, men.
1519
01:08:06,267 --> 01:08:07,567
Onward.
1520
01:08:19,633 --> 01:08:21,567
All right, this is it, fellas.
1521
01:08:21,633 --> 01:08:23,067
Medicine man says
this is where we eat.
1522
01:08:23,133 --> 01:08:24,567
Okay, lunch.
1523
01:08:28,967 --> 01:08:30,567
Shouldn't we have brought
some food with us?
1524
01:08:30,633 --> 01:08:31,633
Oh, no, no, no, no.
1525
01:08:31,634 --> 01:08:33,067
The Indians have brought plenty.
1526
01:08:33,133 --> 01:08:34,933
And it's a lot fresher than ours.
1527
01:08:35,067 --> 01:08:37,067
Good. I just wondered.
1528
01:08:37,133 --> 01:08:40,600
What are those objects
they're eating?
1529
01:08:40,667 --> 01:08:41,900
Ah, that's corn on the cob.
1530
01:08:41,967 --> 01:08:43,133
It's delicious.
1531
01:08:43,200 --> 01:08:44,333
Fine.
1532
01:08:44,400 --> 01:08:45,600
But what about us?
1533
01:08:45,667 --> 01:08:48,567
Yeah, you show us what you eat.
1534
01:08:48,633 --> 01:08:50,767
Well, we didn't bring
any food with us.
1535
01:08:50,833 --> 01:08:53,600
Oh, is this a day of fasting
and prayer for you?
1536
01:08:53,667 --> 01:08:54,667
No.
1537
01:08:54,733 --> 01:08:56,567
Then why didn't you
bring anything to eat?
1538
01:08:56,633 --> 01:08:59,867
Well, we thought
we'd share with you.
1539
01:09:00,067 --> 01:09:01,633
Oh, I get it.
1540
01:09:01,700 --> 01:09:02,700
You want to trade.
1541
01:09:02,700 --> 01:09:03,700
Very good...
1542
01:09:03,733 --> 01:09:06,733
What do you trade for the food?
1543
01:09:15,067 --> 01:09:17,633
Three days now, and still no news
1544
01:09:17,700 --> 01:09:19,633
from the shore.
1545
01:09:19,700 --> 01:09:21,200
What on earth can they be doing?
1546
01:09:21,267 --> 01:09:22,334
I don't know, but it's worrying.
1547
01:09:22,400 --> 01:09:23,433
I think perhaps
1548
01:09:23,500 --> 01:09:24,734
we'd better go ashore
and investigate.
1549
01:09:24,735 --> 01:09:26,600
I would take you ladies
under my protection.
1550
01:09:26,667 --> 01:09:28,600
Oh, thank you.
1551
01:09:28,667 --> 01:09:30,133
Chiquita.
1552
01:09:30,200 --> 01:09:31,600
Yes, Milady?
1553
01:09:31,667 --> 01:09:35,067
Could you ask your,
"friend" to row us ashore?
1554
01:09:35,133 --> 01:09:37,467
He will, if he can find some oars.
1555
01:09:37,533 --> 01:09:39,700
What he does when he gets there
1556
01:09:39,767 --> 01:09:41,333
is his concern.
1557
01:09:51,200 --> 01:09:53,400
No, Daddy, not again.
1558
01:09:53,467 --> 01:09:55,167
Who are you?
1559
01:09:55,233 --> 01:09:56,233
Me chief.
1560
01:09:56,300 --> 01:09:58,933
You... want trade?
1561
01:09:59,067 --> 01:10:00,400
Trade?
1562
01:10:00,467 --> 01:10:04,600
How much gold you want for... her?
1563
01:10:04,667 --> 01:10:07,633
You heathen.
1564
01:10:07,700 --> 01:10:08,700
Is that good?
1565
01:10:08,701 --> 01:10:10,300
That is my daughter.
1566
01:10:10,367 --> 01:10:12,633
Gold will not buy her virtue.
1567
01:10:12,700 --> 01:10:14,800
That, of course, does
not apply to all of us.
1568
01:10:14,867 --> 01:10:16,567
Chiquita.
1569
01:10:16,633 --> 01:10:18,833
Well, I just thought
I'd mark his card.
1570
01:10:28,667 --> 01:10:30,133
Hey, "Columbo," over here.
1571
01:10:30,200 --> 01:10:33,000
Medicine man say this is
where we're gonna eat.
1572
01:10:33,067 --> 01:10:34,067
Come on.
1573
01:10:34,068 --> 01:10:35,167
Now, look, look.
1574
01:10:35,233 --> 01:10:38,133
We have nothing left to trade.
1575
01:10:38,200 --> 01:10:39,400
Well, what about that?
1576
01:10:39,467 --> 01:10:40,567
Tell you what, you give me that,
1577
01:10:40,633 --> 01:10:42,567
we give you enough food
to get back to camp.
1578
01:10:42,633 --> 01:10:43,833
But from then on,
you're on your own.
1579
01:10:43,867 --> 01:10:46,133
Wait, wait... Why, why?
1580
01:10:46,200 --> 01:10:48,567
For us to go into the mine
is strictly forbidden.
1581
01:10:48,633 --> 01:10:50,667
We go into the mine, it
means a horrible death.
1582
01:10:50,733 --> 01:10:51,733
You know why?
1583
01:10:51,734 --> 01:10:53,133
Ungapoca kills us.
1584
01:10:53,200 --> 01:10:55,633
Well, we're not frightened
of him, are we lads?
1585
01:10:55,700 --> 01:10:57,233
You speak for yourself.
1586
01:10:57,300 --> 01:10:58,867
That's very good
1587
01:10:58,933 --> 01:11:00,200
that you're not frightened of him.
1588
01:11:00,267 --> 01:11:01,767
Then you go into the mine, okay?
1589
01:11:01,833 --> 01:11:04,400
And medicine man,
he'll go with you.
1590
01:11:04,467 --> 01:11:06,767
So he's not frightened
of Ungapoca.
1591
01:11:06,833 --> 01:11:08,767
No, no, no... He has
magic, all right?
1592
01:11:08,833 --> 01:11:10,433
Very powerful magic.
1593
01:11:10,500 --> 01:11:12,367
He can never die... he's immortal.
1594
01:11:12,433 --> 01:11:14,433
Now, are we gonna trade or what?
1595
01:11:14,500 --> 01:11:17,900
We may need these to
defend ourselves.
1596
01:11:17,967 --> 01:11:19,900
You still don't get it, do ya?
1597
01:11:19,967 --> 01:11:22,200
That is no good against Ungapoca.
1598
01:11:22,267 --> 01:11:24,533
The medicine man is
your only defence.
1599
01:11:24,600 --> 01:11:26,700
All right, lads...
1600
01:11:26,767 --> 01:11:29,133
do as he asks.
1601
01:11:29,200 --> 01:11:30,200
Go get the stuff.
1602
01:11:30,267 --> 01:11:31,533
It'll be my pleasure.
1603
01:11:37,467 --> 01:11:39,967
Yeah, what about the steward?
1604
01:11:40,067 --> 01:11:42,533
Well, the steward hasn't
got a weapon, have you?
1605
01:11:42,600 --> 01:11:44,900
Nope. No, but he could
give them his suit.
1606
01:11:44,967 --> 01:11:46,533
Yes, well, you know,
1607
01:11:46,600 --> 01:11:47,800
he's my nephew, and I'm really
1608
01:11:47,867 --> 01:11:49,967
very worried about
him catching cold.
1609
01:11:50,067 --> 01:11:51,400
What's the matter, is is sick?
1610
01:11:51,467 --> 01:11:52,467
Yes.
1611
01:11:52,500 --> 01:11:53,500
(speaks native language)
1612
01:11:53,501 --> 01:11:56,700
(shaman chanting)
1613
01:12:04,333 --> 01:12:06,567
He has put a spell upon me.
1614
01:12:06,633 --> 01:12:08,733
Isn't his voice kind of high?
1615
01:12:12,333 --> 01:12:13,500
What's he done to you?
1616
01:12:13,567 --> 01:12:14,833
I don't know.
1617
01:12:14,900 --> 01:12:16,767
I feel quite peculiar.
1618
01:12:27,500 --> 01:12:29,767
Oh, my God... what
has he done to him?
1619
01:12:29,833 --> 01:12:31,533
Giampolini.
1620
01:12:31,600 --> 01:12:33,567
He turned a man into a woman.
1621
01:12:33,633 --> 01:12:35,467
This must be a new spell.
1622
01:12:35,533 --> 01:12:36,867
He's never done this before.
1623
01:12:36,933 --> 01:12:38,533
I hope he doesn't
make a habit of it.
1624
01:12:38,600 --> 01:12:40,867
This is the curse of Ungapoca.
1625
01:12:40,933 --> 01:12:42,200
Get out of here.
1626
01:12:43,400 --> 01:12:44,700
Dead?
1627
01:12:44,767 --> 01:12:45,767
Oh, sure.
1628
01:12:45,833 --> 01:12:49,333
From mines of doom.
1629
01:12:49,400 --> 01:12:50,867
Nobody returns.
1630
01:12:50,933 --> 01:12:54,267
Well, then, Don Filipe,
1631
01:12:54,333 --> 01:12:57,133
as the wife of the king's cousin,
1632
01:12:57,200 --> 01:12:59,867
I order you to take command.
1633
01:13:00,067 --> 01:13:02,233
Thank you, mum.
1634
01:13:02,300 --> 01:13:04,967
What that mean?
1635
01:13:05,067 --> 01:13:07,200
That mean we're leaving
as soon as possible.
1636
01:13:07,267 --> 01:13:10,967
Oh, you no want gold?
1637
01:13:13,667 --> 01:13:17,067
Well, we... we... We
wouldn't mind a bit.
1638
01:13:17,133 --> 01:13:18,433
Ah, go ahead, use the hut.
1639
01:13:21,132 --> 01:13:22,132
Ooh.
1640
01:13:22,133 --> 01:13:24,600
But if you want gold...
1641
01:13:34,133 --> 01:13:36,600
We trade.
1642
01:13:45,367 --> 01:13:47,833
Huh.
1643
01:13:52,233 --> 01:13:53,833
Right, lads, now stick together
1644
01:13:53,900 --> 01:13:56,067
and follow me.
1645
01:14:12,233 --> 01:14:14,133
Could that be Ungapoca?
1646
01:14:14,200 --> 01:14:15,900
Or one of his victims?
1647
01:14:15,967 --> 01:14:18,633
I don't know, but I don't
like the sound of it.
1648
01:14:20,967 --> 01:14:23,167
He doesn't sound too
keen on it, either.
1649
01:14:27,467 --> 01:14:29,433
(speaks native language)
1650
01:14:32,467 --> 01:14:35,067
(shaman chanting)
1651
01:14:40,900 --> 01:14:42,900
Huh.
1652
01:14:45,933 --> 01:14:50,767
Aaaaah.
1653
01:14:50,833 --> 01:14:51,833
Stand back.
1654
01:14:51,834 --> 01:14:52,900
Did you hear that?
1655
01:14:52,967 --> 01:14:54,733
He must have dropped for a mile.
1656
01:14:54,800 --> 01:14:56,067
Listen.
1657
01:14:56,100 --> 01:14:57,200
What?
1658
01:14:58,467 --> 01:15:00,700
He's coming back up.
1659
01:15:00,767 --> 01:15:03,233
Aaaaah...
1660
01:15:05,333 --> 01:15:06,867
I suggest we turn back.
1661
01:15:06,933 --> 01:15:09,633
No, lads, no, we've
come too far for that.
1662
01:15:09,700 --> 01:15:12,767
Press on. Dear.
1663
01:15:25,233 --> 01:15:26,267
Heh.
1664
01:15:27,333 --> 01:15:29,367
Hyuh.
1665
01:15:45,733 --> 01:15:48,433
I don't think my heart can
stand much more of this.
1666
01:15:49,800 --> 01:15:51,067
Oh.
1667
01:15:51,133 --> 01:15:52,300
Ooh. Ooh.
1668
01:15:52,367 --> 01:15:54,333
I'm being interfered with.
1669
01:15:56,399 --> 01:15:57,399
Well, what's the matter?
1670
01:15:57,400 --> 01:15:58,400
Come here, come here, look.
1671
01:15:58,401 --> 01:16:00,200
Stand still... look, will you...
1672
01:16:00,267 --> 01:16:03,067
It's only spider.
1673
01:16:06,100 --> 01:16:08,066
Probably quite harmless.
1674
01:16:09,300 --> 01:16:10,867
Press on.
1675
01:16:26,167 --> 01:16:29,200
I am not going any further.
1676
01:16:29,267 --> 01:16:30,333
No, neither am I.
1677
01:16:36,067 --> 01:16:37,067
Well, that's it.
1678
01:16:37,068 --> 01:16:38,400
We've got to go forward.
1679
01:16:38,467 --> 01:16:39,933
There's no turning back.
1680
01:16:42,700 --> 01:16:44,400
Agh.
1681
01:17:09,100 --> 01:17:10,600
Oh, God.
1682
01:17:10,667 --> 01:17:12,667
Agh, oh, God.
1683
01:17:18,333 --> 01:17:20,467
Wait... What now?
1684
01:17:20,533 --> 01:17:22,533
The earth.
1685
01:17:22,600 --> 01:17:24,200
It's moving beneath us.
1686
01:17:31,533 --> 01:17:34,567
The ship is provisioned
and ready to sail.
1687
01:17:34,633 --> 01:17:36,533
One more day, please.
1688
01:17:36,600 --> 01:17:37,900
Just in case they're alive.
1689
01:17:37,967 --> 01:17:40,600
They are dead.
1690
01:17:40,667 --> 01:17:44,267
D-E-A-D.
1691
01:17:44,333 --> 01:17:45,333
Dead.
1692
01:17:45,334 --> 01:17:46,833
Ooh.
1693
01:17:46,900 --> 01:17:49,433
(natives muttering)
1694
01:17:53,900 --> 01:17:54,900
Pontiac...
1695
01:17:56,433 --> 01:17:57,500
What happened?
1696
01:17:57,567 --> 01:18:00,167
Mr Columbus says that
he's ready to go home.
1697
01:18:00,233 --> 01:18:02,767
Wait, Chief, wait.
1698
01:18:02,833 --> 01:18:05,533
First... powwow.
1699
01:18:05,600 --> 01:18:08,100
Pow... wow.
1700
01:18:14,232 --> 01:18:15,232
No, no, thank you.
1701
01:18:15,233 --> 01:18:17,167
I'm not hungry.
1702
01:18:19,733 --> 01:18:26,133
So... you no want to leave us?
1703
01:18:26,200 --> 01:18:29,167
Not without some gold.
1704
01:18:31,633 --> 01:18:32,800
All right... you got it.
1705
01:18:32,867 --> 01:18:33,867
You wanna trade?
1706
01:18:33,868 --> 01:18:34,999
What do you got to trade?
1707
01:18:35,000 --> 01:18:36,732
Oh, and no more little bells
this time, all right?
1708
01:18:36,733 --> 01:18:37,733
What do you think, I'm a Rube?
1709
01:18:37,733 --> 01:18:38,733
I never been around the block?
1710
01:18:38,733 --> 01:18:39,733
Jeez.
1711
01:18:39,733 --> 01:18:40,733
Oh, wait, and we want wine,
1712
01:18:40,800 --> 01:18:42,233
like your annoying
lady friend gave us.
1713
01:18:42,300 --> 01:18:43,933
All right, we want guns,
we want gunpowder.
1714
01:18:44,067 --> 01:18:46,167
No, no, no, you don't want guns.
1715
01:18:46,233 --> 01:18:47,933
You... you are a peaceful people.
1716
01:18:48,067 --> 01:18:50,667
Right, and then we met you.
1717
01:18:50,733 --> 01:18:52,200
Became civilised.
1718
01:18:52,267 --> 01:18:53,800
So you want gold?
1719
01:18:53,867 --> 01:18:54,867
Yes.
1720
01:18:54,900 --> 01:18:56,600
Big chunks of gold?
1721
01:18:56,667 --> 01:18:57,700
Yes.
1722
01:18:57,767 --> 01:18:59,767
We want wine and
guns and gunpowder.
1723
01:19:01,800 --> 01:19:03,100
All right, it's a deal.
1724
01:19:07,367 --> 01:19:08,833
Have a nice day.
1725
01:19:08,900 --> 01:19:09,900
Oh, Hubba.
1726
01:19:09,901 --> 01:19:11,100
Chief?
1727
01:19:11,167 --> 01:19:12,733
Bring the gold for trading.
1728
01:19:12,800 --> 01:19:14,400
You know, the special
gold, the one we use
1729
01:19:14,467 --> 01:19:15,967
for trading with special people.
1730
01:19:16,067 --> 01:19:17,700
Sure, Chief.
1731
01:19:20,067 --> 01:19:21,333
No, I'm still not hungry.
1732
01:19:21,400 --> 01:19:23,233
Goodbye, Achmed.
1733
01:19:23,300 --> 01:19:25,967
I'm no longer a spy
for the sultan.
1734
01:19:26,067 --> 01:19:28,467
What about me...
What am I gonna do?
1735
01:19:28,533 --> 01:19:29,967
You could always go back to Turkey
1736
01:19:30,067 --> 01:19:31,333
and continue whacking for him.
1737
01:19:31,400 --> 01:19:33,733
No, he'll be angry at our failure.
1738
01:19:33,800 --> 01:19:35,667
I'm gonna lose me pay, me bonuses.
1739
01:19:35,733 --> 01:19:38,300
He may cut off me emoluments.
1740
01:19:38,367 --> 01:19:39,667
Well, if he does,
1741
01:19:39,733 --> 01:19:42,267
you could always get
a job as a eunuch.
1742
01:19:42,333 --> 01:19:43,533
Goodbye.
1743
01:19:50,200 --> 01:19:53,767
All right, now, put
your backs into it.
1744
01:19:53,833 --> 01:19:58,167
Put your backs into it.
1745
01:19:58,233 --> 01:19:59,433
Whoa, whoa.
1746
01:19:59,500 --> 01:20:01,000
Easy on that rope.
1747
01:20:01,067 --> 01:20:02,233
Haul away.
1748
01:20:02,300 --> 01:20:03,433
Anchor away.
1749
01:20:03,500 --> 01:20:05,167
Mainsail.
1750
01:20:14,167 --> 01:20:16,533
So, you're the governor... Ooh...
1751
01:20:16,600 --> 01:20:19,233
I have had the experience.
1752
01:20:19,300 --> 01:20:21,233
Yeah, well, you know, your
knuckleheaded friends
1753
01:20:21,300 --> 01:20:22,533
made a lot of changes around here.
1754
01:20:22,600 --> 01:20:24,267
Yeah, for the worse.
1755
01:20:24,333 --> 01:20:26,267
No, improvements.
1756
01:20:27,833 --> 01:20:29,733
Ah, there's an improvement...
More shootings, huh?
1757
01:20:29,800 --> 01:20:31,167
But remember, everyone has a right
1758
01:20:31,233 --> 01:20:32,233
to carry a gun.
1759
01:20:32,234 --> 01:20:33,733
If you can afford one.
1760
01:20:35,300 --> 01:20:37,367
Yes, well, we'd better get back
1761
01:20:37,433 --> 01:20:38,933
to the governor's hut before dark.
1762
01:20:39,000 --> 01:20:41,133
It's not really safe any
more around here, is it?
1763
01:20:43,867 --> 01:20:45,600
Ah, there is a God.
1764
01:20:49,300 --> 01:20:51,233
Look at it.
1765
01:20:51,300 --> 01:20:53,233
And 10% of it's mine.
1766
01:20:53,300 --> 01:20:54,300
Ours.
1767
01:20:54,301 --> 01:20:56,100
Ours, ours, of course, yes.
1768
01:20:56,167 --> 01:20:58,233
We'll discuss that later.
1769
01:20:58,300 --> 01:21:00,467
Wait a minute, there's
something wrong.
1770
01:21:00,533 --> 01:21:01,800
What?
1771
01:21:01,867 --> 01:21:03,700
It doesn't feel heavy enough.
1772
01:21:03,767 --> 01:21:05,300
Give me knife.
1773
01:21:06,267 --> 01:21:07,300
Ah...
1774
01:21:12,467 --> 01:21:13,833
What's that?
1775
01:21:13,900 --> 01:21:15,400
Sounds like the captain.
1776
01:21:15,467 --> 01:21:17,700
Please, God, he's
having a seizure.
1777
01:21:17,767 --> 01:21:18,800
Come on, take something.
1778
01:21:18,867 --> 01:21:19,867
Make you feel better.
1779
01:21:19,933 --> 01:21:22,167
Ooh, better, how
can I feel better?
1780
01:21:22,233 --> 01:21:23,867
When we get back to
Spain, they'll hang us.
1781
01:21:23,933 --> 01:21:26,167
Well, it fooled us,
maybe it'll fool them.
1782
01:21:26,233 --> 01:21:28,300
Ah. You think so?
1783
01:21:38,433 --> 01:21:40,533
May it please Your Majesties
1784
01:21:40,600 --> 01:21:43,300
to accept the first
consignment of gold
1785
01:21:43,367 --> 01:21:45,400
from the Indies.
1786
01:21:56,367 --> 01:21:59,267
Behold the gold.
1787
01:22:03,067 --> 01:22:06,700
Christopher Columbus...
what can I say?
1788
01:22:06,767 --> 01:22:09,133
Oh... is that all there is?
1789
01:22:09,200 --> 01:22:11,967
This is a mere sample, sire.
1790
01:22:12,067 --> 01:22:13,933
I'll bring you more
on our next voyage.
1791
01:22:14,067 --> 01:22:17,067
Silence in the name of Torquemada.
1792
01:22:21,433 --> 01:22:25,067
Was this gold taken from
the natives of the Indies?
1793
01:22:25,100 --> 01:22:26,367
Yes, Father.
1794
01:22:26,433 --> 01:22:28,867
And were these Indians baptised?
1795
01:22:28,933 --> 01:22:30,467
No, no... no.
1796
01:22:30,533 --> 01:22:32,500
No, they are heathens.
1797
01:22:32,567 --> 01:22:33,634
Then, under Your Majesty's laws,
1798
01:22:33,667 --> 01:22:36,433
this gold, the property
of heathen heretics,
1799
01:22:36,500 --> 01:22:40,367
is confiscated by the Inquisition.
1800
01:22:40,433 --> 01:22:41,967
Remove it from the court,
1801
01:22:42,067 --> 01:22:43,067
for it is accursed,
1802
01:22:43,100 --> 01:22:45,733
and accursed will be all
those who touch it.
1803
01:22:53,700 --> 01:22:55,300
Now look what's happened.
1804
01:22:55,367 --> 01:22:56,533
And it's all your fault.
1805
01:22:56,600 --> 01:22:58,867
My fault? It's his fault.
1806
01:22:58,933 --> 01:23:00,267
My fault? Yes.
1807
01:23:00,333 --> 01:23:03,133
Why didn't you have
those Indians baptised?
1808
01:23:03,200 --> 01:23:06,933
Because, sire, you
didn't send me a priest.
1809
01:23:07,067 --> 01:23:08,633
All you sent was a bookkeeper.
1810
01:23:20,533 --> 01:23:21,567
Did you get rid of it?
1811
01:23:21,633 --> 01:23:23,400
It sank like a stack of stones.
1812
01:23:23,467 --> 01:23:24,667
There's one thing that worries me.
1813
01:23:24,733 --> 01:23:26,033
Supposing somebody
asked the Inquisition
1814
01:23:26,034 --> 01:23:27,034
what happened to it.
1815
01:23:27,067 --> 01:23:28,933
Bart, nobody questions
the Inquisition.
1816
01:23:29,067 --> 01:23:30,933
They're the ones who
ask the questions.
1817
01:23:40,067 --> 01:23:41,233
Oh, Bart.
1818
01:23:47,567 --> 01:23:50,133
As a ship's captain,
I now pronounce you
1819
01:23:50,200 --> 01:23:51,733
man and wife.
1820
01:23:51,800 --> 01:23:53,933
Ah...
1821
01:23:54,067 --> 01:23:56,933
I do love a nice wedding.
1822
01:24:08,067 --> 01:24:09,500
Oof.
1823
01:24:13,867 --> 01:24:16,067
Carry on, Columbus.
1824
01:24:31,167 --> 01:24:32,533
♪ There she blows ♪
1825
01:24:32,600 --> 01:24:34,200
♪ Carry on, Columbus ♪
1826
01:24:34,267 --> 01:24:35,600
♪ There she blows ♪
1827
01:24:35,667 --> 01:24:37,433
♪ Deeper than the ocean ♪
1828
01:24:37,500 --> 01:24:39,066
♪ There she blows ♪
1829
01:24:39,067 --> 01:24:40,533
♪ Carry on, Columbus ♪
1830
01:24:40,600 --> 01:24:42,167
♪ There she blows ♪
1831
01:24:42,233 --> 01:24:45,167
♪ Land ahoy ♪
1832
01:24:50,900 --> 01:24:54,066
♪ Got a new look, baby ♪
1833
01:24:54,067 --> 01:24:57,066
♪ 3,000 miles afloat ♪
1834
01:24:57,067 --> 01:25:00,567
♪ You got a new love, baby ♪
1835
01:25:00,633 --> 01:25:03,667
♪ Come back to what you lost ♪
1836
01:25:03,733 --> 01:25:07,300
♪ She's waiting for you, baby ♪
1837
01:25:07,367 --> 01:25:10,500
♪ She's new territory ♪
1838
01:25:10,567 --> 01:25:13,467
♪ She's waiting for you, baby ♪
1839
01:25:13,533 --> 01:25:16,567
♪ To get the hell back home ♪
120293
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