Original subtitles

♪ Hello, world, hear the song that we're singin'

♪ come on, get happy

♪ a whole lot of lovin' is what we'll be bringin'

♪ we'll make you happy

♪ we had a dream we'd go travelin' together

♪ and spread a little lovin' then we'd keep movin' on

♪ somethin' always happens whenever we're together

♪ we get a happy feelin' when we're singin' a song

♪ travelin' along there's a song that we're singin'

♪ come on, get happy

♪ a whole lot of lovin' is what we'll be bringin'

♪ we'll make you happy

♪ we'll make you happy

♪ we'll make you happy

(Groans)

Hi, Mr. Kincaid. Whatcha doing?

Practicing to be a doorstop.

What am I doing? Your mother asked me to fix this doorknob.

Are you sure you know what you're doing?

Have you ever known me not to know what I'm doing?

Yeah.

If there's one thing I know about, it's doorknobs. I grew up around doorknobs.

I didn't know caves had doors.

Oh, Reuben, I'm sorry. Come on, kids. Let's let Reuben work.

Thanks, Shirley.

What could be worse than three kids when you're trying to work?

Hi, Reuben.

Mom, you'll never guess what happened at school today.

Let's see. Doug wheedle asked you out.

Better. Phyllis goldberg...

Phyllis goldberg asked you out?

What about Phyllis?

Well, she's running for student body president,

and she asked me to be her campaign manager.

Oh, honey, that's wonderful! You should be very happy.

I am.

This year, the election isn't gonna be a popularity contest.

Phyllis is really qualified, and she's going to win.

Doesn't anybody in this family knock?

Gee, I'm sorry, Reuben. I really am. No hard feelings, huh?

No. Okay.

Hello, hello, hello.

Hi, honey. How was school?

It's always nice to return home to those you love, honor, and respect.

Okay, what course are you flunking?

Mother, Reuben, my fellow family members,

I have an announcement to make.

(Clears throat)

You're gonna announce you have a tickle in your throat.

Cute, Danny. Very cute.

I just want you to know that you are now looking at the next president

of the student body.

You're running for president of San pueblo high?

Yeah. You know, that place you and I go every morning?

The place where they keep the teachers?

Isn't there a literacy test?

Apparently not.

What is this? I thought you'd all be very happy for me.

Honey, we are happy and very proud.

Oh. I guess, I just misinterpreted all this hostility.

Keith, Laurie is the campaign manager for Phyllis goldberg.

The Phyllis goldberg that's running against me?

With a mind like that, how could he lose?

Well, did you know she and I were running against each other?

No, I had no idea.

Oh. Well, now that you know, where do you stand?

Right behind my candidate!

And that's the way it's gonna be?

That's the way it's going to be.

Keith, if you're in need of a campaign manager,

I know a bright, aggressive, debonair, handsome...

No, thanks.

I don't need a yes-man. Or a yes-woman, for that matter.

Oh, and I suppose you think that Phyllis does and that I am?

Well, Phyllis doesn't, and I am not.

Phyllis happens to be the best candidate that San pueblo high has ever had.

She studied political science, she knows the issues,

she's written for the school paper.

So?

So all you can do is play the guitar.

Now, just a moment. He started it.

And I'm ending it.

Laurie, you have the right to back any candidate you wish,

and, Keith, you have the right to run,

but I'm not allowing this campaign to disrupt our home.

Why not leave it up to the voters?

That's fine with me.

And me.

Something tells me it's going to be a long week.

Laurie: Come on, Phyllis.

Oh, I hate to turn brother against sister.

Don't worry about it. We've been practicing for years.

Look, you don't have to be my campaign manager anymore if you don't want to.

If you don't hurry up, we're not gonna have a campaign for me to manage.

Your speech is in two minutes.

Oh, but I'm so bad with crowds. I'm...

I'm boring.

Whatever gave you that idea?

Oh, kids used to walk out on me in show and tell.

Come on, Phyllis.

Another thing I would try to do if elected

is to extend co-education into courses such as home economics,

ballet, and even physical education.

There's no reason why boys and girls can't learn together. In fact, learning

takes place more quickly if... in co-educational situations.

Workman institute... Hey, Ted, what's going on?

Hey, Keith. Phyllis goldberg is trying to give a speech.

Oh...

Keith, how do you feel about mixed gym classes?

I don't know. It might not be a bad idea.

We might have more people coming out for wrestling.

(All laughing)

Phyllis: I'm losing them.

Reliving my show and tell days.

I know someone else who's gonna lose something.

Student lounges could be a good possibility.

Excuse me. Thanks

excuse me, but can I have a word with you, dear brother.

Sure. Alone.

Talk to you later.

I have seen low tricks in my time, but the low trick you just pulled

is an all-time high in being low.

What are you talking about?

You just stole that crowd away from Phyllis.

You gotta be kidding. I was just on my way to geography.

You just happened to be walking by when Phyllis was giving her speech.

Yes.

Look, if I wanted to steal that crowd,

would I be carrying a topographical map of Guatemala?

I wouldn't put it past you. You did something to get those kids around you.

Maybe it was my animal magnetism.

Face it, sis, politics is a jungle.

(Grunts)

(Humming)

Forks, please.

Although I don't know why. Danny uses his hands anyway.

Still angry about today, huh?

Whatever gave you that idea, Mr. Magnetism.

It was something in the tone of your silence.

Look, you two.

You've been at each other's throats all afternoon,

I don't want any electioneering at the table.

Laura, you serve. Keith, call the kids.

Why call them?

He can just stand here and they'll be drawn into the room.

(Sighing)

(Keith humming)

Danny, where have you been? It's almost 6:00.

I am happy to announce that today I have conducted

the first annual partridge poll.

What's a partridge poll?

Glad you asked that, Tracy.

Out of pure love of family, I have polled the school's voters.

And exactly what is this "Pure love" Gonna cost us?

For a mere dollar apiece... Dollar?

For a mere quarter apiece. Laurie, your credit is good.

Keith, I'll need cash.

Thank you, but I already know what the voters are thinking.

Well, let's just find out for sure. Here, I'll be a good sport.

There's for both of us. Thanks.

Keith, you have 82% of the vote,

Phyllis has 17%, and George c. Scott 1%.

George c. Scott?

Don't worry. If he wins, he won't accept.

Danny. Oh, what a shame.

Not enough spaghetti.

But you can survive on your charm.

All right, that's enough, you two. Not another word.

This may be your election, but I still have the veto powers.

What's veto mean?

That's when you want mom to give you a cookie before dinner.

I don't get it.

Exactly. That's a veto.

(Clearing throat)

I'm...

I'm sorry about tonight, mom. It's just so frustrating.

Phyllis is the better candidate, and yet she doesn't have a chance

against Keith's magnetic field.

Look, honey. I know you're on Phyllis' side.

Maybe you should take the time to consider some of Keith's good points.

Time's up.

I'm serious.

Before you pass judgment on him,

maybe you should compare what he has to say with what Phyllis has to say.

The results might surprise you.

You know, you're right. You're absolutely right!

Thanks, mom.

(Knocking on door)

"hire Danny partridge. Speeches, polls, and winning attitudes.

"p.s. I give trading stamps."

come on, Keith. Let me help.

Every time you help, it costs me money.

All right, let me just show you one thing. One thing, then I'll leave.

Okay, but make it quick. I got to finish writing my speech.

You already sold me that. I'm ahead by 65%.

Ah, but your lead is deceiving. Look for yourself.

As you can see, your strongest support comes from music and woodshop.

That's because there was so much noise in those classes,

no one could hear when you spoke there.

Fine. Now can I finish my speech? Look!

You spoke to the history club, down 30%.

You spoke to the Marcel marceau fan club, down 40%.

Every time you open your mouth, you lose votes.

Let me see that.

What am I listening to you for? Come on, get out of here.

You've got the hair the voters want,

and you've got the face the voters want,

and you've got the mouth the voters want,

but you don't have what comes out of the mouth.

Keith, if you discuss the election issues, you're dead.

Out, and take your partridge poll with you.

You're just a face, Keith. Avoid the issues at all cost.

(Knocking on door)

Look, Danny...

What's Thursday at 4:00 P.M.?

The day and the time.

For what?

Phyllis goldberg has challenged you to debate

the election issues.

Pray for laryngitis.

(All cheering)

Welcome. I'm sure you would all love to hear me talk about lunch schedules,

locker checks, or fire-drill procedures,

but I know that you'd much rather hear from these two candidates.

So without any further ado, I'd like to introduce, on my right, Phyllis goldberg.

And on my left, Keith partridge.

(Marching band playing)

The floor is open for questions.

Question for Keith partridge.

Yes.

How do you stand on new band uniforms?

(Clearing throat)

I'm all for new band uniforms. As a matter of fact, I'd like to see the girls

in the band get out of pants and into miniskirts.

I take exception to... Boy: Louder.

Girl: Yeah, I can't hear you.

(Audience murmuring)

I said, I disagree.

(Audience grumbling)

Band uniforms cost $63.19,

and there are 71 band members. That comes to

$4,486.49.

That's with not tax included.

(Audience laughing)

Well, all I'm saying is that there are better uses for our money.

(Audience murmuring)

Freedom!

Well, don't you care about freedom?

I mean,

wouldn't each of you rather design your own band uniform?

It would be fantastic. It'd be you.

When you're marching along in the rigid line of the band,

you'd be what we all want to be, individuals. Be proud.

Be free!

(All cheering)

(Marching band playing)

(Knocking on door)

Come in.

Hi, honey. Tell me about the debate.

Uh, well, it went pretty well. Pretty well.

(Sighing)

Mom,

could I talk to you for a minute?

Sure.

(Sighing)

I'm considering withdrawing from the election.

Withdraw?

But you were looking forward to it.

I know.

But I didn't realize it would take up so much time.

If I were president, I'd have no time for my music, no working in the yard.

What if Danny and I wanted to go skin-diving or something?

Keith, you and Danny never go skin-diving.

Right, and now we'd never be able to go.

Well, I guess those things should be considered.

I can't go through with it.

Keith.

When I was in high school, I wanted to be head cheerleader.

There was one other girl competing.

She was a little prettier. She could kick a little higher.

I was sure I would lose, but I kept trying.

And you won, huh?

No. She won.

I don't follow you.

All I'm trying to say is that at some time or another,

everyone has to face losing.

I know it's hard, but it isn't the end of the world.

I mean, after all, if people didn't lose sometime,

I guess winning wouldn't mean very much.

What do you think I should do?

I think that's up to you.

But don't quit for the wrong reasons.

Good night.

Good night, honey.

(Sighing)

I would suggest meaningful changes so that all students, whatever their race,

creed, sex, or color, will be driven to their highest potential.

When you get to the part about leading the students on to greater glory,

look up toward the ceiling and raise both your arms.

Yeah.

And so, you've heard both sides of the issues.

Soon it will be up to you to make the choice

of who's to be the next student body president of San pueblo high.

Whether I win or lose, I want you all to know

how much this experience has meant to me. Thank you.

(All cheering)

Good luck, honey.

Thanks.

Hey, Keith. How about a song?

(All cheering)

You, uh... you don't need a president who can sing.

What you need is someone who has bright ideas.

Someone who can make them work. That's why I'm asking you to vote

for Phyllis goldberg.

She should be your next president, and I for one would be very proud to back her.

I've molded a loser.

They should have called by now with the results.

Relax, honey. They'll call.

Well, where's Phyllis?

She'll be here.

She'll be here.

I wonder how we did.

"we"? Yeah. I decided to throw my support

to the goldberg camp.

Figures.

Has anyone seen Keith?

Yeah, he's upstairs erasing his acceptance speech.

(Doorbell ringing)

I'll get it, Danny.

Phyllis!

Why are you crying?

She's crying because she lost.

You're crying because you won?

You're crying because you tied?

No.

What is it?

Bobby baser just asked me out.

Oh, Phyllis, that's wonderful!

Phyllis: I know.

What happened? Who won?

I thought you'd know.

(Phone ringing)

Hello? Yeah?

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Thanks very much for calling.

Who was it?

It was the school with the election results.

Well?

I won. Shirley: Oh, honey!

Oh, Phyllis.

Congratulations, Keith.

We did it! We did it! We did it!

I'm so happy for both of you.

You put up quite a battle.

Laurie: Congratulations, brother.

Thanks.

Phyllis.

I really believe that you deserved to win. And I still do.

I mean, what do I know about educational methods or exchange programs

or even band uniforms, for that matter?

Anyone can learn those things.

You've got something special. You're a leader.

Well, I just happen to have an opening for a good presidential advisor.

I'd be glad to help.

And I don't want you to feel sorry for me. I...

I made a lot of new friends, and,

being asked out and all, I may even be a sex symbol.

When we elected Keith partridge, we got more than a good president.

We got a great first family. The partridge family!

(Audience applauding)

(Playing there'll come a time)

♪ there'll come a time, I know

♪ you might see me after a show

♪ maybe there'll be no one else around

♪ just take a good look at me ♪ take a good look

♪ do do do

♪ if you forget just who I might be

♪ don't be surprised if someone real is found

♪ you know I got feelings just like you ♪ just like you

♪ when I get lonely I cry, too ♪ I cry, too

♪ can't you see I'm not a circus clown?

♪ And if you think you like what you see ♪ what you see

♪ how about coming along with me? ♪ along with me

♪ take a chance on someone who's been down

♪ do do do do do do do do

♪ do do do do do do do do do do.

♪ Don't let me walk by alone

♪ 'cause I'd have stopped if I had known

♪ do do do do do

♪ you'd care to know who I was inside

♪ you know I got feelings just like you ♪ just like you

♪ when I get lonely I cry, too ♪ I cry, too

♪ can't you see I'm not a circus clown?

♪ And if you think you like what you see ♪ what you see

♪ how 'bout coming along with me? ♪

Reuben, I don't know why I had to go with you to pick out a doorknob.

Look at it this way, all you had to do was pick it out.

I'm the one who has to risk his life putting it on.

Kids... Hi, Reuben.

Why are you two mowing the lawn? That's Keith's job.

Presidents don't mow lawns.

Did Keith order you to mow the lawn?

He said we should be proud to do it for our president.

Where is Mr. President?

Over there.

Mr. President.

What is it?

The white house lawn is waiting.

Only one day in office, and he's already learned to do nothing.

Up, up, up!