Original subtitles

♪ Hello, world, hear the song that we're singin'

♪ come on, get happy

♪ a whole lot of lovin' is what we'll be bringin'

♪ we'll make you happy

♪ we had a dream we'd go travelin' together

♪ and spread a little lovin' then we'd keep movin' on

♪ somethin' always happens whenever we're together

♪ we get a happy feelin' when we're singin' a song

♪ travelin' along there's a song that we're singin'

♪ come on, get happy

♪ a whole lot of lovin' is what we'll be bringin'

♪ we'll make you happy

♪ we'll make you happy

♪ we'll make you happy

Has the mailman been here yet?

Haven't seen him.

He can make it through rain, sleet, snow,

but give him sunshine, and he'll fall apart.

What are you expecting in the mail?

Money.

Figures.

Danny, have you entered another contest?

Twenty-five words or less, why I love ginger-nut bars.

You hate ginger-nut bars.

But I love money.

(Door opening)

Keith: Hi, the mail's here.

Just a bill from bartlett's department store.

Nothing for me.

Who do you know that can write?

Clifford Irving.

Listen to this.

"dear customer, bartlett's has gone modern. Rejoice.

"we've joined the computer age to provide customers with faster,

"more efficient billing service."

whoopee.

I wonder what kind of computer bartlett's is using.

By the looks of this bill, a sick one.

$290?

For that cuckoo clock?

It's a mistake. The clock cost $29.

Boy, sales tax is really getting out of hand.

It's no big thing. The decimal point was just put in the wrong place.

Well, we're gonna put it in the right place.

It wasn't the computer's fault. It was the guy who programmed it.

Replace him with a computer.

Woman: Good morning. Bartlett's department store.

Hello, this is...

All our courtesy representatives are busy.

Your call will be answered as soon as one is available.

In the meantime, please enjoy a musical interlude.

This has been a recording.

(Instrumental music playing)

I'm not against automation, but it's too much complaining

to one machine because another machine made a mistake.

It's de-humanizing.

It's progress.

It's time to go to bartlett's.

Oh, don't be too rough on them, mom.

I mean, even you make mistakes.

Me? Never.

Then how do you explain them?

(Intercom buzzing)

Yes?

Certainly. Send her in.

Yes. How do you do? I'm Byron atwater, your credit manager.

How do you do? I'm Shirley partridge.

Mrs. Partridge. Please sit down.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Shirley partridge?

Congratulations. For what?

On being rated triple a. I just checked your credit.

Our little friend speaks highly of you.

That's nice.

Mr. Atwater, I just received my statement.

Ah, yes. Our new computerized form.

Yes. Excellent eye appeal.

Concise, neat...

And inaccurate.

I bought a cuckoo clock for $29.

That bill says $290.

Perhaps you thought it cost $29.

I know it cost $29.

It's the only cuckoo clock that bartlett sells.

We'll just ask our little friend about that.

Mrs. Partridge,

our little friend says we owe you an apology.

Please follow me.

Uh, Mr. Baker? This is Mrs. Partridge, one of our triple a's.

Hi. How do you do?

I've been to some of your concerts. I think your music's terrific.

Thank you.

And now, Mrs. Partridge, meet the 1-9-8-4 z.

How do you do?

I feed the billing information to it through this typewriter here.

And in turn, the computer makes out your monthly bill and mails it.

Who licks the stamps?

Oh, another machine, of course.

Of course.

Mr. Baker, there seems to be an error in Mrs. Partridge's statement.

It should read $29.

Order the computer to move her decimal point one place to the left.

Yes, sir.

Also order it to get a corrected bill in the mail immediately.

(Machine whirring)

Done.

That fast?

(Chuckling) Some people count time. We make time count.

With the help of the 1-9-8-4 z, of course.

Of course.

Well, then. Thank you, Mr. Baker.

Nice to meet you.

Mr. Atwater. Pleasure.

Mr. Z. Bye.

Keith, mom and I are going to the store. You need anything?

Oh, no. Uh-uh.

Hey, mom, how'd things go at bartlett's yesterday?

Great. Did you get everything squared away?

The credit manager handled it personally.

Yeah, well, before you put him on your Christmas list,

you better check your new bill.

Oh, no.

$2,900?

This isn't at all like the 1-9-8-4 z. I don't understand it.

Apparently, neither does the 1-9-8-4 z.

We'll correct this immediately.

Oh, that won't be necessary.

I've decided to pay for the clock, and I'm gonna close my account.

Oh, now, please, aren't you overreacting?

No, your computer is.

Hi. My name's Tom baker.

I've seen all your concerts. You're very good.

Well, thank you.

Who would have thought we'd have met over 1-9-8-4 z, huh?

Probably no one.

There you are. $29.

Paid in full.

We feel very badly about losing you as a customer.

Well, I'm sure you'll both get over it in time.

Laurie.

Would you like to see how the computer works?

No, thank you. I already have.

You got a problem with hot water?

Oh, George, yes. Would you go take a look at it?

I think it's leaking. Sure thing.

Laurie, calm down. Hi, George.

I'm sure there's a logical explanation.

What's there to explain? I am never going back in that store again.

What's going on?

Mom, it's the most humiliating thing I've ever been through.

Bernie's grocery store refused to cash your check.

I've been cashing checks there for years.

Why didn't you ask Bernie to call me?

I asked him, but he refused.

He said our credit was a bad risk.

That's an understatement. Who are you?

Harlan laws. Ryman collection agency.

You Shirley partridge?

I am.

Well, you want to pay now?

Pay what?

Oh, come on now. The 29 big ones you owe bartlett's department store.

I don't owe bartlett's department store one cent.

I knew you were gonna say that.

Yeah, well, it's true. The whole thing was a big mistake.

I knew you were gonna say that, too.

Mr. Laws, you better have another talk with your computer.

I've already straightened this thing out.

Okay.

But if you're not telling it like it is, then I'm coming back.

Round trips have a tendency of making me very, very nasty.

You're not exactly Mary poppins now.

Until we meet again.

Mrs. Partridge?

I'm afraid you'll need a new water heater.

Oh, this has really been my lucky day. How much, George?

Well, I worked out this estimate for you.

This includes parts and labor, completely installed,

$127.50, in advance.

In advance? George, we've been doing business for years.

Oh, I know, but it's the boss' orders.

See, we subscribe to this new computer service

that gives us credit ratings on all the customers.

So?

So the computer says you're a, um...

A what, George?

A deadbeat, Mrs. Partridge.

Shirley: You're the owner of this store and something must be done.

Agreed.

Why I allowed atwater to sell me on computers I'll never know.

I hated to go over his head, but things have gotten terribly out of hand.

Mr. Bartlett, I came in...

Mrs. Partridge, what are you doing here?

Complaining about you.

Not you, Mr. Atwater. Your computer.

It's not only incapable of getting my bill straight,

but now it's taken to spreading vicious rumors

that have ruined my credit rating!

Oh, uh, yes. Mr. Bartlett...

Atwater, I want immediate action.

Well, sir, that's what I've been trying to tell you about.

I'm afraid we've got immediate action.

If you'll come over here, sir, please?

Right down there.

Who are those people?

Well, I don't know the rest of them,

but I can tell you who the one in the yellow jacket is.

Hello.

Well, if it isn't 1-9-8-4 z's best friend.

Listen, I heard what happened,

and I just want to say that I respect what you're doing.

Oh? Then pick up a sign.

Yeah, well, I'd love to, but, um...

You see, I know this is a bad time to ask,

but ever since the other day,

I was wondering if maybe we could go out some time?

Oh, I don't think so. You see, there's a war going on,

and you're the enemy.

But I'm not the enemy.

You work for him.

You're the one that operates his doomsday machine.

Did you hear that, everybody? He's one of them!

People, yes! Computers, no!

All: People, yes! Computers, no!

People, yes! Computers, no!

People, yes! Computers, no!

Well, guess I better be going.

I guess so.

All: People, yes! Computers, no!

People, yes! Computers, no!

(All cheering)

Mom, before you say anything, I just want you to know

that we're committed to stay here until you get justice.

Honey, I appreciate it,

but Mr. Atwater has promised to clear up our credit rating immediately.

On that, you have my personal guarantee.

Now, if you will kindly remove your pickets before we all end up on the 6:00 news.

If I can be sure you mean what you say.

In addition to a letter of apology to each member of your family,

the computer is sending out letters of explanation

to those firms you do business with. Right, Mr. Bartlett?

Wrong, Mr. Atwater. You are sending those letters.

Right, Mr. Bartlett.

Now, will you please call off your pickets?

Well, in that case.

Mission accomplished! We won!

All: Yeah!

Are you sure you don't need us here anymore?

Yeah. Thanks, Albert.

Okay, everybody! Over to San pueblo chemical!

Pick up your ecology signs on the way!

Hi. Hi.

How'd the protest go?

Have you ever seen a grown department store cry?

Danny: You won? Shirley: Total victory.

Danny: All right!

Laurie: You would have been so proud of me.

(Sighs)

Where's our furniture?

Tracy: The moving men took it.

And that collection agent said they were gonna keep it till you paid up.

Who let them in the house?

I did.

Why?

'Cause they were bigger than me.

They took everything.

Not everything.

They left that.

It figures.

No, I don't want to speak with your courtesy representative!

I want to speak with Mr. Atwater!

It's a matter of life or death! His!

This is really fun.

Yeah, just like camping out.

Have him call me as soon as he gets back!

I wish they hadn't taken the couch.

I had $2 hidden in the lining.

Uh, chic. Very chic.

Remind me to get the name of your new decorator.

Ryman collection agency. It's in the yellow pages.

Have you got a hold of atwater, yet?

No.

They're holding the furniture until I pay bartlett's the 29 big ones I owe.

Hmm. Now that's illegal.

Thanks for putting it in perspective, Mr. Kincaid.

Well, what are we gonna do about it?

Sit on the floor a lot.

Well, we better do something fast.

I just stopped to pick up the check from your last performance,

but the collection agency got there first. You're kidding!

(Doorbell rings)

They can't do that. But they did.

Guess who?

Mrs. Partridge, what can I say?

Say our furniture will be returned.

That goes without saying.

Say it anyway.

The moving men are on their way over. It's all a terrible mistake.

Our computer issued a cancellation order to their computer,

but neglected to mail it.

Mr. Atwater, we have been very patient,

but this has gone too far.

One more chance? That's all I ask.

One more chance? I have...

Shirley, why don't you let me handle this?

Poverty, here we come.

Mr. Atwater,

you and I are going to go down to your office

and have a nice, long heart-to-heart talk.

Reuben.

Don't worry about a thing.

I'll have it taken care of before you can say...

Bankruptcy.

That's a rotten idea.

The rottenest. I think I like it.

The point is it might work.

What if mom finds out?

Well, that's a chance we're gonna have to take.

Besides, we'll be doing her a favor.

All right, we've got a lot of plans to make. Are you guys in or not?

I'm in.

I got to think about it.

If we get caught, I'm naming you as an accomplice.

I thought about it. I'm in.

Okay.

At exactly 1100 hours tomorrow, we start.

Operation cuckoo.

All right, are there any last-minute questions?

Just one. What is it?

What's in this for me?

The 2 bucks you hid in the couch.

Gotcha.

All right. Begin phase one.

Gotcha.

Hi, there, Tim.

Uh, Tom.

Oh, Tom.

Hi!

I, uh...

I came by to apologize for the way I acted the other day.

It's okay.

No. No, I had time to think it over,

and, well, I'd like very much for you to take me out.

Fantastic. That's great.

When? Friday night? Saturday night.

Right now.

Right now.

Sure. We could go to lunch.

I'd love to,

but I can't. I don't get off until noon.

Oh. Okay.

See what that computer's done to you? Everything by the books.

But I... I'll see you around, Tom.

Wait a minute.

You're right. The 1-9-8-4 z can wait.

Sure. We can even bring it a taco.

Phase one, right on schedule.

Phase two, coming up.

I can hardly wait.

One more time. What do you do if somebody comes by?

Tell them it was all your idea.

Very cute.

Okay, here I go.

Mr. Atwater!

You're just the man I wanted to see.

Well, what can I do for you, Danny?

I know you're a very busy man, but I'm very interested in computers,

and I volunteered to do a school science project on them.

Really?

And I was wondering if you'd share some of your knowledge on them with me.

Volunteered, huh? I'd be delighted.

We can start with the 1-9-8-4 z.

Oh, not the 1-9-8-4 z.

But it's the ultimate.

Not according to my mom.

True.

Do you have something simpler?

You know, something a kid my age could understand?

I have a 2-9-8 r in the office.

Just let me put these cards in the computer room.

Uh, Mr. Atwater, could you show me now?

I have a dentist appointment in a few minutes, and, um...

I don't want to be late.

Oh, you like dentists, too.

We do have a lot in common, don't we?

Science, dentistry.

You can show me your computers later.

But I thought you wanted to see them now?

You know how us kids are. Always changing our minds.

Shirley: I don't believe it.

Keith: What is it?

A check from bartlett's

for $50,000.

You're kidding.

Now, that's the kind of mistake I can identify with.

(Doorbell rings)

I'll get it.

Shirley: $50,000.

Wait till Mr. Atwater hears about this.

You heard.

Hello, Mrs. Partridge.

Oh, I see you got your mail.

Certainly did. Won't you come in?

Oh, thank you, thank you. You know, it's all very easily explained.

You see, the 1-9-8-4 z not only credited your account,

but it issued you a check.

For 50,000 big ones.

Exactly.

Now, I'm sure you have no intention of capitalizing

on a silly little computer mistake, do you?

I don't know.

Now, if you will just endorse the check.

Why, I'll turn it over to the computer so...

$50,000.

I wonder what the weather is like in Europe this time of year.

I understand it's rainy.

Good, I love rain.

Let's not go to Europe, mom.

Thank you. Acapulco's the spot.

I'd much rather be driving around in our new motor home,

the one that we're gonna buy with that check.

You don't look very well, Mr. Atwater.

Would you like a glass of water?

No, I'd like your signature on that check is what I'd like.

Well, it's not just up to me, you know.

We have a democracy here. We have to take a vote.

All right, all in favor of returning the check say "Aye."

aye. Aye.

Danny, I didn't hear you.

Nay.

Danny.

I just hate to see it be unanimous.

Your check, Mr. Atwater.

If you'll just sign.

Yes.

(Chuckles)

Oh, thank you. Thank you. You may keep the pen.

Danny: Mr. Atwater, we should get together for lunch someday.

Wonderful. Anything you say, Danny.

Mom, maybe Mr. Atwater would like tickets to our concert tonight.

Oh, good idea.

Oh, how nice.

Uh, how much do I owe you?

Oh, don't worry about it, Mr. Atwater.

We'll bill you.

(Maybe someday playing)

♪ you came like the mornin' sun

♪ and I knew you were the one

♪ who gave me something to believe in

♪ we can feel it but we know

♪ we can't let our feelings show

♪ "No good, " That's what they say about me

♪ you should try to live without me

♪ no good, they'll never understand

♪ maybe someday we can find a way to be together

♪ baby, someday they'll leave us alone

♪ maybe someday there may be some way

♪ we can sing our songs together

♪ don't you worry what they say

♪ 'cause with every passing day

♪ we get closer to tomorrow

♪ and tomorrow we'll be free

♪ to be what we want to be

♪ they say he's really not your kind

♪ look out, you know that love is blind

♪ look out but they don't really see

♪ maybe someday we can find a way to be together

♪ baby, someday they'll leave us alone

♪ maybe someday, maybe some way

♪ we can sing our songs together ♪

(audience applauding)

You know, it's a good thing everything worked out the way it did.

Oh? Yeah.

That guy atwater came this close to butting heads with Reuben Kincaid.

If it'd come to that,

there wouldn't have been much left of him when the smoke cleared.

Yeah, he's a lucky guy, all right.

He sure is.

He'll never know how close he came to being bored to death.

Just answer me one question.

Did the three of you have anything to do

with that little mistake the computer made?

Mom, you don't really want to know the answer to that question, do you?

Come to think of it,

no.

It's getting late. I'm gonna go to bed.

Well, it's early. It's only...

5:00?

I don't believe it. It stopped.

Of all the...

I am going to take this back to bartlett's,

go to the complaint department and demand...

Forget I said that.