Original subtitles

♪ Hello, world, hear the song that we're singin'

♪ come on, get happy

♪ a whole lot of lovin' is what we'll be bringin'

♪ we'll make you happy

♪ we had a dream we'd go travelin' together

♪ and spread a little lovin' then we'd keep movin' on

♪ somethin' always happens whenever we're together

♪ we get a happy feelin' when we're singin' a song

♪ travelin' along there's a song that we're singin'

♪ come on, get happy

♪ a whole lot of lovin' is what we'll be bringin'

♪ we'll make you happy

♪ we'll make you happy

♪ we'll make you happy

Well, did I exaggerate,

or is that a beautiful house?

It's a wonderful house, Reuben.

It was very sweet of you to find it for us.

What's the matter? The price is just right.

Yes, I know.

But I was just thinking

how much that house has meant to me and the kids.

All those memories.

Oh, I know, but be practical.

Your house is too small for you, right?

Right.

Now, don't the kids want a bigger house?

Yes, they do,

but they may not want to move any more than I do.

At least, I think they ought to have a say in the matter.

What do you intend to do? Take a vote?

[Chuckles]

That's a good idea.

It's a good idea.

Hi. Well, did you like it?

Well, I didn't dislike it.

Does it have more bedrooms?

Yeah. How about more bathrooms?

For private hours. Alone with his hair dryer.

Oh. Look who's talking?

Two hours this morning in the bathtub.

I feel like I am living with a red-headed prune.

It has more bathrooms and more bedrooms.

If we were to buy the house it would mean leaving this house,

where you were all raised.

And moving into a beautiful, new, larger one.

Maybe it's too large.

You know, Reuben, I felt a big draft in that house.

That big draft was the air conditioner.

Shirley: Oh.Yeah.

Well, anyway, as much as I would like a new house,

I just don't think it's fair for me to make the decision alone.

I mean, I know how much you all love this house.

Well, if you decide to stay,

I mean, just say the word, and that will be that.

Mom, we've already talked it over.

And? when do we move?

Wow, did you see the size of my bedroom?

Your bedroom? Remember, it's mine.

Is there something wrong, mom?

You didn't say a word the whole way home.

Wrong? No, no, there's nothing.

It's... I was just thinking of all we have to do.

When do you think we can move?

Laurie, you don't know anything about real estate.

First there's your offer, then there's their counteroffer.

Then there's a counter to their counteroffer.

And then there's escrow and mortgages and...

You're a walking wall street journal, aren't you?

In my modest way.

Well, after all the countering and stuff,

how soon before we can move?

Well, there's one thing we've all overlooked.

We can't consider buying until we sell this house.

Well, I guess we better get started.

I think the first thing we need is a real estate agent.

That isn't necessary. I'll be your real estate agent.

No agent knows this house better than I do.

And no agent will have your interest in mind more than I will.

And of course, no agent will save you the commission, except me.

You're hired. Thank you.

Well, I guess we're all set.

Well, not quite. We need an ad in the paper.

Um, I've already taken care of that.

I wrote one this morning.

Oh, I can't wait to hear this.

"Now available. Partridge manor.

"Live among the stars."

Live among the stars? What stars?

Every night, you just look up, and there they are.

I can't believe it,

it's been over a week now, and we haven't even had one prospective buyer.

Honey, that's the way things go sometimes.

You can't expect to sell a house

like you would a cantaloupe.

Good morning.

Shirley: Good morning, Reuben.

Couldn't eat a thing, but I'd love some coffee.

There's nothing more depressing

than a cheerful real estate agent.

Especially if he can't sell a house.

Be more patient. It's only been a week.

Reuben, you must admit, it does look hopeless.

Mmm.

I don't understand it.

They say there's a buyer for every house.

Well, maybe our buyer is on vacation.

Reuben, isn't there anything you can do to speed things up?

Ah, I was thinking about that on the way over.

What we need is an open house.

Reuben, if we couldn't get anyone to look at the house all week,

how do you expect to get a crowd in one day?

It's really only a matter of getting their attention.

Come right in.

See the original partridge family

in their natural habitat.

You've seen them on the stage.

Now see them in their kitchen.

It's a once-in-a-lifetime offer

you can't afford to miss.

That's right, folks.

For a limited time, you can tour the famous partridge manor,

walk the halls Keith paces for inspiration.

Yes, sir, folks.

Don't miss the chance of a lifetime.

What in the world is going on?

You got me.

See the actual mirror where Keith partridge fluffs his hair.

See the piano where musical history was made.

See with your own eyes what you've only read about in fan magazines.

See Danny partridge get the spanking of his life.

Hi, mom, Mr. Kincaid.Mmm-hmm.

Shirley: Danny, what is all this?

It's like a circus out here.

Danny, I want you to take that sign down,

get this booth out of here, and get in that house. Do you understand?

I understand, mom.

It's embarrassing.

How is our plan working?

Excellent. The house is packed.

Terrific.

These carpets are all wrong.

And will you look at the furniture? Unforgivable.

Uh, don't look at the furniture, Mrs. Gibson.

Try to think of the house as a shell.

Well, this shell needs a lot of work.

Baby, I don't even know why we came here.

I mean, we just bought our house two months ago.

Mom promised.

May I call your attention to this desk?

A small fortune has been made

and lost over this humble pine.

Maybe she'd like to see my closet.

I'm sure she'd rather start with my closet.

You can see my old baseball uniform.

Let her decide.

Fair enough. Where would you like to begin?

Keith's room.

Gwen, honey, we have to go now.

Can't we look at the house just a little longer?

Gwen, it wouldn't matter if we bought the house.

He doesn't come with it.

You don't?

One word describes this kitchen, ed, inadequate.

You said it, dear.

She probably just cooks TV dinners here.

You know these show business people.

These walls.

I don't know, they're simply unsuitable.

You said it, dear.

I mean, she may sing pretty,

but the kitchen is a disaster.

Oh. Charming kitchen, Mrs. Partridge, absolutely charming.

You said it, dear.

Well, Mr. and Mrs. Sharp made a very nice offer.

They didn't meet our price.

Well, that's normal, isn't it, Reuben?

Right.

Shirley, you weren't expecting the full price?

Why not?

The house has only been on the market a few days.

As a matter of fact, Reuben, I'd considered raising the price.

I always thought it was too low.

I don't believe it.

My mom's a latent penny pincher.

I'm only thinking of our best interests.

Sometimes, it pays to be stubborn in these things.

Okay, Shirley.

I will tell them you're holding out for the full price.

Now, the sharps get all the fixtures,

including the chandelier, right?

Wrong. wrong?

Right.

I think she's saying the sharps will have to do without the chandelier.

Reuben: Thank you, Laurie.

Shirley, before I go on with the terms,

is there anything else I should know?

[Sighs] Yes.

They can't have the spice rack in the kitchen.

Keith bought that for me when he was 10.

The spice rack?

That's not worth anything.

Reuben, you can't put a price on sentiment.

Sure you can, $1.49.

I'll tell you what.

I think I can talk them out of the spice rack.

Now, about the curtains...

Never.

[Sighs]

How do you feel about doorknobs?

Very possessive.

Okay, so we all agree that mom hasn't been acting like mom lately.

Right. She's been acting like me.

Which is definitely something to worry about.

So the question is,

why is she making it almost impossible

for Reuben to sell this house?

That's easy. She just doesn't want to move.

Good, Keith.

He has a mind like a dumpling.

All right, butch, but why doesn't she want to move?

Because this is home.

And you know something?

I feel the same way.

Sure, we'd be getting more bedrooms and bathrooms by moving,

but have you thought of what we'd be giving up?

[Sighs] So there's only one question left.

Keith: Yeah?

What do we do about it?

Okay.

I'm here. What's so important?

Well, mom, we're a little confused

about your attitude toward the house.

[Sighs] Oh.

I'm sorry. I, uh...

I know I've been acting foolish lately,

I should've been honest with you about it.

It's just that,

the more I think about leaving this house,

the more I realize I don't want to.

I know all of you don't agree, and maybe...

We don't want to leave, either.

In other words, we feel the same way about it as you do.

Just took us a little longer to let it sink in.

You're all sure?

We're sure.

Besides, I'd hate to see you have to give up your spice rack.

[Laughs]

♪ Doo, doo, doo-doo, doo

♪ doo, doo-doo, doo, doo-doo, doo

♪ doo, doo, doo-doo, doo

♪ doo, doo-doo, doo, doo-doo, doo

♪ I can take your pictures off my wall

♪ doo, doo, doo-doo, doo

♪ doo, doo-doo, doo, doo-doo, doo

♪ and tell myself that I don't care at all

♪ I can make believe I'm better off without you

♪ I can build a wall

♪ I can fool myself

♪ but that won't help at all

♪ you see, the problem is deep within my heart

♪ and the memory is to blame

♪ and I won't really be the same

♪ as long as you're there

♪ ooh

♪ doo, doo, doo-doo, doo

♪ doo, doo-doo, doo, doo-doo, doo

♪ tore up all your letters I had saved

♪ ooh, la, la, la

♪ la, la, la, la, la

♪ as if that would make my loneliness go away

♪ then I spent the day picking up the little pieces

♪ just to read again

♪ all about the way you loved me way back when

♪ you see, the problem is deep within my heart

♪ and the memory is to blame

♪ and I won't really be the same

♪ as long as you're there

♪ ooh

♪ you see, the problem is deep within my heart

♪ and the memory is to blame

♪ and I won't really be the same

♪ as long as you're there

♪ ooh

[audience applauding]

All right. Now, let me get this straight.

You don't want to sell the house?

Right.

You want me to call off the deal.Right.

So that's that, right?

Wrong. It's too late. Too late?

The sharps have agreed to your terms

and they've already signed the papers.

So talk to them. Dazzle them with your legal know-how.

Perry Mason couldn't get you out of this deal.

Rueben, you're gonna have to try.

When's the earliest you can see them?

Tomorrow morning at 11:00.

Good. I'll go with you.

You won't have to. They're coming over to the house.

What for?

To make plans for immediate remodeling.

[Sighs]

Shirley, this is...

Pleased to meet you. We're the sharps.

I'm George, and this is my wife, bea.

How do you do?

Get it?

Bea sharp?

[Laughing] It's a family joke of sorts.

Yes, it's, uh, very amusing.

You've got a sense of humor there, Mr. Sharp.

No, no, no. You call me George.

George.

I hope we're not troubling you,

because bea and I can just look around by ourselves, if you like.

No, it's no trouble, Mr. Sharp.

George.

George.

Uh, George, I've been thinking.

Are you sure this house is right for you and Mrs. Sharp?

You betcha. You know,

this is exactly what we've been looking for, isn't it, bea?

Yes, yes. Exactly.

Now that the kids have all grown up, it's perfect.

[Laughing]

Well, if you have grown children,

this house would be too big for the two of you.

Not with 13 grandchildren visiting all the time.

Oh.

Are you sure the price isn't too high?

I mean, it is an awful lot to ask for this shell.

Now, now, now, Kincaid,

you wouldn't be trying to wiggle out of this deal now, would you?

Oh, no, of course not.

Because a deal's a deal.

Right, a deal is a deal.

Well, uh, we better get started, Mr. Sharp.

George.

George.

Bea.

Now, in the master bedroom, we thought we'd...

Oh dear, I hope I didn't break anything!

No, no. It's nothing to worry about.

Oh. Here, here, bea.

It's nothing. Just nothing. Here, let me see.

There, there. There, now, you see?

Well, how often would you use that room anyway?

Mr. Kincaid, this is our bedroom.

[Laughs]

Now, I thought we'd do this room over in lots of pink

for Doris and Sidney's girls.Pink. Yeah.

What do you think of pink, Mrs. Partridge?

Pink?

Doris and Sidney's girls just love pink.

Oh, then definitely pink.

Whew! Boy, it sure is getting a little stuffy in here, isn't it?

Oh, yes, it does seem a little hot.

[Laughs]

Well, I think I'll open a window.

Uh, Mr. Sharp, could you give me a hand with the window?

Why, sure.

Keith, what's wrong with the window?

Oh, it just gets a little stuck every now and then.

That window is never...

Danny: Hey, Keith,

why don't you try hitting it like you usually do?

Thanks, Danny!

Walls are a little thin.

Bea: [Chuckles] I think that's lovely.

Ease of communication, makes for a close-knit family.

Don't you think so, George? Well, absolutely.

Thanks for pointing that out, Danny!

Danny: Don't mention it!

I love your curtains, Mrs. Partridge.

Oh, thank you. So do I.

You're sure you won't reconsider?

Positive.

Now, oh.

Could you open this for me?

I'd be glad to. You just...

I don't understand this.

It's never done this before.

Must be the weather. Sometimes doors and windows stick a little.

It is a little warm today, Mr. Sharp.

How about a nice glass of water?

Why, thank you, little lady.

Oh! Oh, I'm terribly sorry!

Well, it's only water,

but you should have a plumber in to take care of it.

I'm afraid we've already had a plumber in.

I want the entire demolition team in here, on the double.

Mr. Sharp, Mrs. Sharp...

We're really sorry.

We just wanted to keep the house, that's all.

We thought if it seemed a little run-down that...

That's no excuse.

We made a deal with the sharps, and we intend to keep it.

Your mother's right. The sharps have bought your house.

Reuben: Besides, the new house is nice.

[Sighs] We hope you understand.

They thought they were doing the right thing.

The children love the house and want to keep it.

We understand, don't we, George?

Yes, and we'd love to make you happy by tearing up the contract.

You would? But we can't.

You see, we spent so much time looking that,

and we love this place, too.

We just can't pass it up.

Well, look on the bright side.

We can have a great basketball court at the backyard.

How does that sound?

Expensive.

How about a chess table on the patio?

Better.

Shirley: Hi, Reuben.

I just talked to the real estate agent about the new house.

Somebody beat us to it.

There's an offer pending.

Terrific.

Well, we're probably the only family in history

to lose two houses in less than 24 hours.

Reuben, I told the sharps we'd be out of here in two weeks.

Yeah, I know, I know.

If we can't buy the new house, where will we live?

We'd better pray for a warm winter.

Reuben, we have to get that house.

All I can do is my best.

That's it. We don't have a chance.

Danny, come here.

Yeah?

Go away.

Hi, Mr. Sharp, Mrs. Sharp. Come on in.

How are you, son?

Mr. and Mrs. Sharp, please come in.

George.

George.

Is there something else you wanted to look at?

No, not exactly, Mrs. Partridge.

But you see, um, well,

bea and I were thinking on our way out yesterday and...

We've decided that the house is too small for us.

Yes. That's right, that's right.

Well, we forgot to count frank and Edie's kids.

Well, at Christmas, we're all gonna be squeezed in like sardines.

And besides, um...

Uh, the garage.

Yes, the garage, the garage.

It's a two-car garage.

I thought you only had one car.

We do, we do. But, well...

My objection to the garage is that there are no windows there.

Windows in a garage?

Well, yes, I, um...

I plan to use it as a workshop.

Yes, you see, George likes to work with his hands.

That's right.

George: But you can't have a workshop without windows.

You need a lot of light.

I'm afraid the house just won't do.

And we want out of our deal, right, bea?

Bea: Right.

So we're gonna go see Mr. Kincaid today,

if that's all right with you, Mrs. Partridge.

Shirley.

Oh, Shirley!

Shirley! Oh!

I'm just sorry that the house is too small.

Well, sometimes, Shirley,

windows in a garage are more important than a whole house.

Oh!

Goodbye. see ya.

Bea: Bye-bye. George: Bye.

See ya.

[All screaming]

Shirley, guess what?

I got it! I got the house!

Why are you all looking at me that way?

I thought you'd be overjoyed.

Reuben, you better sit down.

Why should I sit down?

Unless you're gonna tell me something ridiculous, like,

the sharps were just here.

Reuben? yeah?

The sharps were just here.

Reuben, you signed the papers on that house.

How did you get out of it?

Well, Keith, it was really very simple.

I just told the owner flat-out the deal was off.

Then I stood my ground.

Years of experience taught me how to confront

the most difficult business situation, come out on top.

Reuben, you haven't told Keith our end of the bargain.

Our end? I thought we got out of it.

Well, we did, with one small condition.

What condition?

That we play for his son's birthday party.

Laurie: Danny! Danny: Laurie, calm down.

Laurie: Danny, this time you've gone too far!

Calm down!

Wait a moment.

What is it, Laurie?

Danny was in the bathroom for two hours

and he used up all the hot water.

Hot showers stimulate my creativity.

Today I was more creative than usual.

Mom, remember how good Danny was at coming up with real estate ads?

Shirley: Yes.

I've come up with a better one.

"Now available partridge minor, massive mouth,

"lots of room for improvement, easy terms."

Isn't anyone gonna make an offer?