Original subtitles

♪ Hello, world, hear the song that we're singin'

♪ come on, get happy

♪ a whole lot of lovin' is what we'll be bringin'

♪ we'll make you happy

♪ we had a dream we'd go travelin' together

♪ and spread a little lovin' then we'd keep movin' on

♪ somethin' always happens whenever we're together

♪ we get a happy feelin' when we're singin' a song

♪ travelin' along there's a song that we're singin'

♪ come on, get happy

♪ a whole lot of lovin' is what we'll be bringin'

♪ we'll make you happy

♪ we'll make you happy

♪ we'll make you happy ♪

♪ You can be what you feel life is a Ferris wheel

♪ come take a ride

♪ it's on the inside ♪

What are you doing here?

I live here.

Don't remind me.

Look, i have to ask you guys a question.

And i want your honest opinion.

I can take the truth.

Well, what do you think?

Well, i think cyd charisse has nothing to worry about.

Who's he?

Forget it.

Well, the question is, what do you think of my body?

Tell you the truth, danny, i don't think about it much.

Well, gloria hickey does. She says i'm fat.

Oh, that's ridiculous, Danny. you're not fat. right, keith?

Well, i wouldn't say...

(Clears throat) Uh, i wouldn't say he's fat, either.

Husky, maybe.

Yeah, you do have large bones.

Keith: that's it. Large bones.

Now do you feel better?

Wait a minute. You guys didn't think i was upset, did you?

I mean, i never doubted my body for a second.

I just needed witnesses.

If i were fat, i'd be the first one to know about it.

(Pants ripping)

I'm fat. i knew it. Gloria hickey's never wrong.

Well, i never thought i'd live to see it.

Danny partridge going without food for 10 minutes.

Go ahead and laugh,

but no food will pass these lips till i have lost five ugly pounds.

You could do that by getting a haircut.

(Laughs)

Okay, have your fun,

but no matter what you say, you can't hurt me.

Danny, pass the garlic bread.

That hurt me.

Danny, what's all this nonsense about dieting?

Gloria hickey says i'll be the only one at her swimming party

with a natural inner tube. I've got to lose weight.

Honey, don't be silly. You're not fat.

That's what we tried to tell him, but he saw right through us.

Danny, dinner's over and you didn't eat a thing.

Do i look any thinner?

No. just unhappier.

Honey, is losing weight really that important to you?

Yes. if i don't lose weight, gloria hickey won't like me.

Oh, i'm sure gloria hickey's going to like you even if you're husky.

Well, she may like me, but she'll go to the party with someone else.

Besides, mom, if you can't lose weight for the woman you love,

who can you lose it for?

Okay, if you have to lose weight,

you're not going to do it by starving to death.

I'll put you on a sensible diet.

A sensible diet?

Yes.

Does that mean i can eat?

Yes.

Uh... a sensible diet doesn't mean spaghetti and garlic bread.

It doesn't? No.

It means celery, cottage cheese and fresh vegetables.

I hope gloria hickey appreciates this.

Boy, this diet's been murder. But i must admit,

i feel a hundred percent better.

How much do you think you lost, danny?

Four, maybe five pounds.

Honey, that's an awful lot of weight to lose in one week.

Yeah, but you know me, mom,

when i put my mind to something, the results are usually phenomenal.

I have a feeling all that fat he's losing is going to his head.

Step on the scale, danny.

All right.

Here we go. Slippers.

Are you sure you haven't forgotten anything?

Oh, yeah, thanks for reminding me.

Danny, you've gained four pounds.

With all that torture and starvation?

How could it happen?

Danny,

i'm afraid the scale doesn't weigh human suffering.

Are you sure you stuck to that diet?

Positive, mom. I only ate what you gave me.

You didn't cheat?

No. that's what i meant by torture and starvation.

If it hadn't been for my energy food, i would have died.

Keith: your energy food?

Yeah, everybody knows you can't

operate on low blood sugar.

Sure, everybody knows that.

And that's why i had to have something sweet, every now and then.

And, how often is every now and then?

Too often?

Danny, you're just going to have to face it.

There isn't a diet that includes candy bars and tacos.

I don't understand.

Where's my metabolism when i need it.

Not working out, huh?

Now, i didn't think it would last.

What's that supposed to mean?

Oh, nothing. I was just thinking out loud.

Reuben, what do you mean by that?

Nothing personal of course, danny,

but dieting takes a little something

a kid like you just doesn't have.

And what's that?

Willpower.

Something that comes with maturity.

You mean that willpower is no problem for you?

That's right. Rock of gibraltar.

And you can give up any bad habit that you want to.

No trouble at all.

What about smoking?

I could quit any time i wanted to.

What about now?

I bet i can diet longer than you can quit smoking.

Oh, that's silly. That'd be no contest.

I challenge you.

Okay, you're on.

If i lose, i'll wash your car for six months.

And to prove i'm sincere, i'll mow your lawn for six months if i lose.

Shirley, you might as well take these.

I won't need them until danny falls of his diet,

which should be in about an hour from now.

Hey, how will i know if he's smoking when he's not around?

The same way i'll know if you sneak out

to big herm's for a triple cherry freeze.

Scales check on him. Who's going to check on you?

What are you talking about? You have my word as a gentleman.

Thanks, but i'd rather have someone watching you.

(Television sounds)

(Applause)

(Clanging)

Aha! I caught you.

What do you mean you caught me? I caught you.

Well, a fine example you turned out to be.

Look, kid, can't we make a deal?

No way, mr. kincaid. It's out of the question.

Aw, come on, danny. Since when have you been against listening

to a good business proposition?

Since mom came in the room.

(Gasps)

Hi, there.

Boy, i don't know what's the matter with me.

I was doing okay, until i saw that movie on television last night.

Then i just had to have a cigarette.

How could watching heidi remind you of a cigarette?

Everything reminds me of a cigarette.

I was doing okay until i got out of bed,

put on my bathrobe and slippers,

sneaked downstairs and accidentally spotted

that chocolate cake in the refrigerator.

You know, maybe they should be handled like aa.

The auto club?

No, alcoholics anonymous.

If they feel the need for a drink,

they call a friend to try and talk them out of it.

But danny and mr. kincaid don't drink.

I'll learn.

What do you have in mind, mom?

Well, if danny or reuben feels he's weakening,

he should be able to call us for help,

any time of the day or night.

Any time?

Couldn't we at least work in shifts?

There's one more thing.

I'm putting you both on the honor system.

The honor system? Well, that's more like it.

You can sure trust us from now on, mom.

I know.

Because the honor system i have in mind,

is that reuben will move into your room.

Then you can keep an eye on each other.

Oh, it's you.

Why don't you go to sleep?

What are you looking at?

Look, kid, these pajamas happen to be a gift

from an admirer.

What are you looking for?

My magazine. Have you seen it?

Okay, come on, let's have it.

I was in the middle of an article about oil wells in northern peru.

Look, kid, if you're old enough to look at an oil well,

you're old enough to put it back the way you found it.

That is the way i found it.

Okay, let's cut out the small talk.

I want to read for a while.

What are you doing now?

I'm suffering.

Why is it i always crave a cigarette when i'm around you?

I don't know. Maybe it's the same reason

i crave a chocolate sundae when i'm around you.

Let's go. Me first.

I want a cigarette real bad.

I mean, real bad.

I thought it would get easier every day i went without them.

Why is it getting worse?

And another thing, i haven't smoked for over a week now.

Why don't i feel any different?

Do you think i'll really make it?

Keith, i really want to thank you for all the help you're giving me.

That's what i'm here for.

Boy, if i could just think of something to take my mind off cigarettes.

Something exciting.

Reuben, there are a lot of things more exciting than cigarettes.

Name one. Gloria hickey, for example.

Give me another good reason for staying on my diet.

Pride.

I really think you're starting to get to me, mom.

Now, if there were just one more reason.

If you don't stay on your diet, you'll have to wash Reuben's car for six months.

Need any more reasons?

No. just the thought of mowing the lawn

is enough to keep me in line.

(Sighs)

You've been a great help, keith.

I don't know how to thank you enough.

Well, you could give me a goodnight kiss.

Good night, mom.

Good night, honey.

Feel better now?

Much better. How about you?

Strong. Really strong. I can make it now.

There's just one thing.

What's that?

I'm dying for a cigarette.

I'm starving to death.

What took you so long?

Good night, mr. kincaid.

Good night, kid. Turn out the light, will you?

(Music blaring)

Danny?

I always go to sleep with the music on.

I could've been at home right now getting a good night's sleep.

Now why don't you give up this silly diet

so we can both get back to normal?

Never!

Danny, don't get me wrong.

I realize it hasn't been easy for you

giving up all your favorite things.

Things like pizza, chocolate malts,

macaroni and cheese, french fries.

Yeah, i guess it hasn't been easy for you giving up cigarettes, either.

Is it fun to smoke?

(Sighs) wonderful.

I always used to notice how you loved having one with a cup of coffee.

That was always a good one.

Tell me, mr. kincaid, which one was your favorite cigarette of the day?

The one that i always had

right after my chocolate cream pie with

whipped cream and bananas.

I hadn't even thought about smoking how can i stay on a diet

for almost 20 minutes... When he's talking about...

All right, you two. That's enough.

This is the third night in a row

we've been up talking about your problem.

And we don't seem to be getting anywhere.

That's right. And we don't mind getting up,

if it would just help.

Right, keith?

(Clears throat) I'll go along with that.

Well, now that that's settled,

maybe we can all get some sleep.

Nothing was settled.

You know, if we're going to have these family meetings,

the least you can do is stay awake.

Laurie, please.

All right now. How did it all start again?

It's very simple. It's mr. kincaid's fault.

Oh, now, hold on.

You're not gonna pin this whole thing on me.

It's your fault we got into this in the first place.

You are the one who made the bet.

You can't blame me. I'm just a kid.

No you're not.

You're a midget in a kid's suit.

Now let's not get nasty, mr. kincaid,

just 'cause you're the one that's really weak.

Weak?

Keith: you woke me up in the middle of the night to listen to this?

With an attitude like that, danny could grow up to be a fat chain-smoker.

I can't help it if he hasn't got any willpower.

Maybe you're the one that doesn't have the willpower.

What's that supposed to mean?

Think about it.

You know, you sound an awful lot like mom.

Oh, so now you're running down mom.

(Whistle blowing)

Now that i have your attention,

there's something i'd like to say.

Two weeks ago we were a family.

Not perfect, you understand, but a family.

And because of danny's and reuben's bet,

our whole way of life has been turned inside out.

Well, it's going to stop right now.

Here, danny, eat. You're off the diet.

But mom...

And if you're worried about the bet, i'm declaring it a draw.

As for you, smoke.

But i... That's it.

I've had it.

From now on you're going to have to take care of yourselves.

Good night.

Mom, what are you doing?

Trust me.

Well, this is the chance you've been waiting for.

Aren't you going to have a cigarette?

Yeah. I sure am.

Aren't you going to smoke it?

Maybe tomorrow.

How about you? Aren't you going to eat some of your candy?

I sure am.

Maybe tomorrow.

Come on, kid. Let's get some sleep.

♪ You can be what you feel life is a Ferris wheel

♪ come take a ride

♪ come take a ride

♪ it's on the inside where you will find

♪ it's all in your mind

♪ listen, listen

♪ you take a friend of mine he was sad all the time

♪ then he got smart

♪ then he got smart

♪ he opened his mind

♪ and it helped him to find it's all in his mind

♪ it's all in your mind

♪ it's all in your mind

♪ listen, listen

♪ it doesn't matter at all

♪ it doesn't matter at all

♪ who you are

♪ or what you need

♪ just take a look inside I'm sure you'll find

♪ it's there in your mind

♪ baby, it's all in your mind

♪ baby, it's all in your mind

♪ who needs money

♪ in a land of milk and honey

♪ I'll tell you one more time you'll find it in your mind

♪ it's all in your mind

♪ baby, it's all in your mind

♪ listen, listen

♪ you can be what you feel

♪ life isn't really real it's up or down

♪ it's up or down

♪ put your feet on the ground

♪ maybe you'll find

♪ it's all in your mind it's all in your mind

♪ it's all in your mind it's all in your mind

♪ it's all in your mind it's all in your mind

♪ it's all in your mind it's all in your mind

♪ it's all in your mind it's all in your mind ♪

Kt ktai ktail ktail pa ktail part ktail party ktail party wi ktail party with ktail party withou ktail party without ktail party without a ktail party without a ci ktail party without a ciga ktail party without a cigare ktail party without a cigarett ktail party without a cigarette.

Reuben, you've told us that four times.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Did i tell you about last night?

I found this unopened pack in my car...

Three times.

Well, i just feel so darn great since i stopped smoking.

Of course, i have put on a few pounds but, i...

The victor returns.

How'd it go?

What did gloria hickey say about your body?

Trophies speak louder than words.

"Best body.

"Gloria hickey's first annual swimming party competition."

Congratulations.

Well, gloria must be crazy about you now, huh?

Not exactly.

What do you mean?

Well, i wouldn't let her eat anything fattening.

No cake, no ice cream, no potato chips.

Well, it was for her own good.

She could lose a few pounds.

And speaking of losing a few pounds.

Just a minute.

Mr. kincaid, stick with me and i think i can help you.

All it takes is a little bit of willpower and a lot of suffering.