Original subtitles

[Partridge family theme playing]

♪ Come on now and meet everybody ♪

♪ and hear us singing ♪

♪ there's nothing better than being together ♪

♪ when we're singing ♪

♪ the five of us ♪

♪ and mom working all day ♪

♪ we knew we could help her if our music would pay ♪

♪ Danny got Reuben to sell our song ♪

♪ and it really came together when mom sang along ♪

♪ come on now and meet everybody ♪

♪ and hear us singing ♪

♪ there's nothing better than being together ♪

♪ when we're singing ♪

♪ when we're singing ♪

♪ when we're singing ♪♪

Hi.

Oh, hi.

Well, how's she look?

Like the loser in a demolition derby.

What do you mean? It's beautiful.

How long has your son

been having this delusion?

Ever since he bought it.

Oh.

Reuben, Don't criticize.

All teenage boys

still have one sacred cow,

their car.

What's the matter with it?

It keeps you broke.

Besides that.

It brings down property values

in the neighborhood.

Reuben, I know you're in a hurry.

Keith can bring the groceries in.

Thanks for the lift.

Okay.

Uh, I Don't mean to be fussy,

but I wish you wouldn't put things on my car.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Oh, but you're absolutely right.

Why, I might have put a scratch

in one of your dents.

Hmm.

See you.

Reuben, uh, I was wondering,

could you loan me 25 bucks?

I can't make my car payment.

I'm still waiting for the 25 bucks

I loaned you last month.

Did I borrow that from you?

Unfortunately.

This month,

you're gonna have to find yourself another pigeon.

No.

Mom, this is an emergency.

It's an emergency every month.

I've loaned you

all the money I intend to.

Is that final?

That's final.

No.

Absolutely no.

But why not?

Because I already own more of that car

than you do.

I loaned you the money

for the spare tire, the Jack,

and the car door

that fell off on the freeway.

No.

Laurie...

Uh-uh.

Hiya, Chris, old buddy.

How'd you like to go for a ride in my car?

I'd love to go for a ride in your car, Keith,

but I'm not gonna give you any money.

What are you looking at me for?

Nothing, nothing.

Danny: Come in, Keith.

How'd you know it was me?

I've been expecting you.

[♪♪♪]

Come on, Danny,

how'd you know it was me?

Everyone's been running around the house,

hiding their money.

I knew it'd just be a matter of time till you got to me.

Well, I...

I am a little short this week.

A little short?

You owe money

to everyone in this town with pockets.

I know, I know. Are you gonna loan me

the 25 bucks or not?

Sure, as soon as you sign this paper.

Come on, Danny, you're not gonna

make me sign an I.O.U., are you?

That comes later.

This gives me the power of attorney.

What's that?

The right to handle your finances.

From now on, I'm your business manager.

Forget it.

I may be desperate,

but I'm not out of my gourd.

Okay.

Now, wait. Wait.

Can't we talk this over

or something?

Why do you want to handle my money?

Since you're the oldest,

you're gonna be handling the money

for the whole family some day.

Well, I Don't want my entire career in the hands

of a financial incompetent.

The whole idea

is to teach Keith how to be financially responsible,

how to hang on to his money.

Keith, are you sure

you know what you're doing?

I have no choice.

It's the only way

I can make my car payment.

If you got rid of your car and Carol,

you'd have plenty of money.

Who could live without a car or a girlfriend?

I could. I do it all the time.

Well, you could get rid of the car,

and if you fix it up a little,

they might even accept it for scrap.

[Laughing]

You're talking about the car I love, Laurie.

Don't push me.

I think it's your car that needs pushing.

[Laughing]

You know, you're the only guy in town

who's under constant surveillance

by a tow truck.

Boy, I wouldn't have to take all this abuse,

if I only had some money.

Do you really need money that bad?

Worse.

Well, I have 43 cents in my piggy bank.

You can have that.

Keith...

I'm thinking, I'm thinking.

Keith: Danny?

Danny, I need two bucks.

Not a chance.

The gig is only 30 miles from here.

I figure I'll take the Hudson.

It'll be a good chance for me to break it in.

That car was broken in in 1953.

It's only two bucks.

Are you kidding?

Two bucks wouldn't buy enough gas

to back that thing out of the driveway.

Look, it's my money.

You told me you want to save up enough money

to take Carol to the school prom next month.

I'll never be able to save it up for you

if you Don't quit nickel-and-diming me.

I'm not nickel-and-diming you.

I need two bucks.

Get on the bus, you guys.

We're gonna be late.

Mom, I want to talk to you about taking my car.

Get in.

We'll talk about it on the way.

[Singing "you are always on my mind"]

♪ Wake up in the morning feeling all right ♪

♪ till I recall... ♪

♪ You're gone from my life ♪

♪ and I stare like a dummy against the wall ♪

♪ ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ since you've been away oh, yes, I am uptight ♪

♪ it's a fact of my life ♪

♪ I guess I'll try to fight ♪

♪ I could be so good for you ♪

♪ if I had that right ♪

♪ if I had that right ♪

♪ ah, ah ♪

♪ you... ♪

♪ Are always on my mind ♪

♪ have I got to go through this old life ♪

♪ day after day and find ♪

♪ you there on my mind ♪

♪ ba, ba, ba-ba, ba-ba ba-ba, ba-ba, ba, ba ♪

♪ you... ♪

♪ Are always on my mind ♪

♪ have I got to go through this old life ♪

♪ day after day and find ♪

♪ you there on my mind? ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ I Don't understand you at all ♪

♪ but I Don't care ♪

♪ still a lot of good love in our lives ♪

♪ for us to share ♪

♪ you might think it's sad ♪

♪ but I'm together now ♪

♪ yeah, you laugh, huh? ♪

♪ I know it's true I'm much better now ♪

♪ you ought to come on by ♪

♪ and see for yourself just how ♪

♪ I'm much better now ♪

♪ ah, ah ♪

♪ you... ♪

♪ Are always on my mind ♪

♪ have I got to go through this old life ♪

♪ day after day and find ♪

♪ you there on my mind ♪

♪ ba, ba, ba-ba, ba-ba ba-ba, ba-ba, ba, ba ♪

♪ you... ♪

♪ Are always on my mind ♪

♪ have I got to go through this old life ♪

♪ day after day and find ♪

♪ you there on my mind ♪

♪ ba, ba, ba-ba, ba-ba ba-ba, ba-ba, ba, ba ♪

♪ you... ♪

♪ Are always on my mind ♪♪

Come on, Danny, it's two lousy dollars.

You'll just spend it foolishly.

I do not spend my money foolishly.

Oh, yeah?

Tuesday last,

you bought Carol a friendship ring.

The second one in a month.

Well, it's not my fault

the first one turned her finger green.

Friday,

$20 wasted

on a spotlight for your car.

I think that's a good investment.

When his car breaks down,

he can use it to signal for help.

By the way, Danny,

when will Keith be able to pay us the money he owes us?

Well, if I have it my way,

he'll be able to pay us off

in about a year.

A year?

If Keith has it his way,

we'll have to wait

for the reading of his will.

I'm telling you, mom,

Danny is driving me up the wall.

I Don't dare cut myself shaving.

I won't have enough money to buy a styptic pencil.

Well, that's a problem you only have to worry about

once every two or three months.

I'm serious, mom.

I've got a red-headed albatross around my neck.

Honey...

I know this is hard on you,

but Danny's only trying

to look out for your best interests.

Well, if you call ruining my whole life

in my best interest,

you're absolutely right.

You said you knew what you were doing

when you made this deal with Danny.

Well, I thought I did.

Things have gotten way out of hand.

I have a date with Carol on Saturday,

but Danny says I'm broke.

Now, what am I supposed to tell Carol?

You might simply tell her the truth.

Mom, you Don't understand women at all.

Hey, I got some great news for you.

You're resigning as my business manager?

Nope. Even better than that.

I was going over your books and I found some money.

Now you can take Carol to the movies Saturday.

Hey, that's great.

As long as it doesn't cost more than a dollar.

A dollar?

That's ridiculous.

There isn't a movie in the world

that two people can get into for a dollar.

Oh, yes, there is.

Boy, I haven't been to a kiddie matinee since...

Well, since I was a kiddie.

Great idea, huh?

Mm-hmm.

I Don't know

why we didn't think of it before.

Name one other movie in town

where you can talk out loud

and not have people complain.

I can't.

I can't remember the last time

I saw a lash larue movie.

I'd almost like to come back next week.

I'd like to see how flash Gordon

escapes from the dirt people.

Oh, he throws water on them,

and they dissolve and become a quagmire.

I saw it last week on TV.

How do you like the popcorn, Carol?

I popped it myself last night.

The whole bag only cost nine cents to make.

You know, it's not so bad

when you pick out the burnt stuff.

Oh, here, want some?

No, thank you.

Ashes upset my stomach.

Keith, why did we go to a kiddie matinee?

Well, like I said,

I thought it might be fun.

You know,

you have to admit it was different.

Is everything going all right?

With the group, I mean.

For sure. Great.

You know that.

Well, you know,

sometimes a group will make a...

A big hit for a while,

and then they'll sort of...

Slide.

Well, we're not sliding. Not yet anyway.

What brought that up?

Are you in some kind of financial trouble?

I Don't know where you got an idea like that.

Come on, Keith.

The kiddie show,

home-cooked popcorn,

old Halloween candy.

If you have one fault,

it's that you spend too much money,

and now, suddenly, all this.

What's wrong?

Nothing's wrong.

I Don't know what makes you say that.

Look, Keith, if it's none of my business,

just say so,

but Don't go on lying to me.

Me? Lie?

Look, what's so unusual

about going to see a lash larue movie

every once in a while?

Keith, once you told me that if...

If two people have to lie to each other,

then they Don't have

much of a relationship.

Well, I think maybe you were right.

Carol, wait a minute!

[Engine wheezing]

Where are you going?

I'm going to catch Carol.

[Engine wheezing]

[Wheezing continues]

Your battery's dead.

[Engine sputters]

Do you want me to push?

I Don't think anybody will see your spotlight

in the daytime.

Keith, would you mind moving your car?

I want to get the station wagon out.

I got to finish one thing first, mom.

What one thing?

The transmission.

I'm draining the sawdust out.

How long's that gonna take?

It's hard to tell.

It doesn't flow.

It just sort of oozes out in lumps.

There's always the bus.

Why Don't you take that thing back where you bought it

and have them fix it?

Too late.

The gold 90 guarantee has already expired.

But you haven't had that car 90 days.

It's 90 hours, or 90 miles, whichever comes first.

In my case, the 90 hours came first.

Hard to push a car 90 miles, dear.

Mom, you know

how much I've been looking forward

to taking Carol to the prom.

That's all I've heard for months.

Well, can I borrow 25 bucks so I can go?

I thought Danny was gonna see

that you saved enough money.

He was,

but he hadn't planned

on my generator and my voltage regulator

going out on me.

I Don't understand it.

Every night at the stroke of midnight,

that car turns into a lemon.

How 'bout the loan, mom?

Look, Keith, I Don't want to turn you down,

but you could have had that money

if you really tried.

You can't expect to go through life

having things given to you.

You have to work for what you really want.

But I can't disappoint Carol now.

That would finish our relationship for sure.

You should have thought of that before.

Look, you've tried everything but the obvious.

Oh?

Get a job.

I'm almost finished, Mrs. Busby.

I'll have your disposal fixed in another half-hour.

Whoo.

She complains about how long it takes.

I could have been finished an hour ago

if she hadn't spent so much time

telling me how long it takes.

Guess what, Mr. Jenkins.

I finished fixing the disposal for you.

You Don't know anything about plumbing.

That's why you'remytrainee.

Well, I just wanted to show you

how fast I learn.

Look. Hah!

[Gurgling]

The water's supposed to go down the drain, kid.

Now, here's the bit, kid.

I'll teach you the spiel

and how to handle a slicer.

Then I send you around to department stores

to make the pitch.

Ever work with a cucumber before?

Can't say I have.

Here's the pitch you make to the pigeons.

Yes, sir, folks,

this handy-dandy vegetable slicer,

it dices, it slices.

Twice the slice, twice as nice, in half the time.

Watch.

Here's the part

that really hooks the pigeons

every time.

Folks,

this little darling does something

that'll truly amaze you.

It can turn an ordinary radish

into a beautiful blooming Rose.

Truly amazing.

As you can see,

what was once an ugly radish

is now a tasty Rose.

Turn all your dull vegetables into a flower garden.

Eat 'em, frame 'em, stick 'em in a vase.

How would you like a beautiful radish?

Did you memorize all that, kid?

I... I Don't think so,

but it really is groovy.

I bet my mom would go crazy

over something like this.

How much is it anyway?

$8.95.

[Glass shattering]

Well, that's it.

The combined take-home from all those jobs

comes to only $37.62,

and that includes severance pay.

That's not too bad.

At least you're solvent again.

Not exactly.

When I subtract the cost of the water damage

to Mrs. Busby's kitchen,

and the plate-glass window.

Oh, yeah, and your vegetable slicer.

Thanks.

That was very thoughtful of you.

Anyway, subtracting those things,

I'm $29 in the hole.

You know, if you keep up the hard work,

you might owe your first million

before you're 30.

Boy, I can't do anything right.

Honey, you can't give up

just because you've made mistakes.

You can do anything you want to do,

as long as you're willing to keep trying

and not afraid of making more mistakes.

Almost everything we know

is learned by trial and error.

You really think so?

I know so.

Maybe, but that still doesn't help me now.

After all that work,

I still Don't have enough money

to take Carol to the prom.

Maybe I can lend you...

No, no, no, no, no.

I can't take it now.

I owe so much money,

I'll never get out of debt.

I just can't borrow any more,

but thanks.

You know, maybe some good has come out of this.

You just showed a twinge of responsibility.

Yeah, well,

I wish I were responsible enough

to know what I'm gonna tell Carol.

She's gonna hate me.

You could always tell her the truth.

Mom, I can't do that.

She'd never believe me.

You might try.

And our money is put

into a trust fund for college.

Some rock star, huh?

I'm broke.

Right now I haven't got enough money

to buy you a soda.

I know that must sound

pretty hard for you to believe.

Keith, sometimes, you are so dumb.

Of course I believe you.

You do?

I Don't care how much money you have.

Or Don't have.

All I care about is you.

Oh, and by the way, I'm not gonna be able

to go to the prom tomorrow night.

Why not?

My boyfriend doesn't have enough money.

[Laughs]

That doesn't mean

I'm gonna let you out of the date.

Um, I think they're gonna re-run

that flash Gordon serial again

on TV tomorrow night.

How'd you like

to see the dirt people get theirs?

I wonder where Keith is.

It's not like him to miss dinner,

or any kind of food, for that matter.

Danny: Don't worry.

He should be towed up any minute now.

Keith, where are you...?

Don't tell me.

You got another job. Selling caskets.

Oh, waiter,

another cup of coffee, please.

Okay, okay.

Make all your jokes now and get them out of the way.

Did you know you look like David niven?

Except your hair is longer,

you Don't have a moustache,

and you're ugly.

Keep it up,

but here's the 25 bucks I owe you, little brother,

in hard cash,

and I hereby dismiss you

as my business manager.

Let's see, Laurie,

here's your money.

Uh, you no longer own the spare tire, the Jack,

or the door that fell off on the freeway.

And, Reuben, paid in full.

I know you'd rather complain than have the money,

but that's life.

And, mom,

it's all there.

And now, if you will excuse me,

I have to go pick up Carol.

We Don't want to be late for the prom.

But wait a minute, Keith.

Danny: I demand an explanation.

Why did I get my money back?

I'm entitled.

Keith, where did you get that money?

Well, I sold my car.

You what?

Hey, he's telling the truth.

There's only a grease spot in the driveway

where the car used to be.

What made you do it?

Well, I had a long talk

with Carol, like you suggested,

and I found out I'm a pretty lucky guy

to have a girl like her,

so I decided the least I could do

was take her to the prom,

so I sold my car.

I know how much that car meant to you.

That was a very big thing for you to do.

Yeah, well, I'll have another car some day,

but the next time, I'm gonna wait

till I can really afford it.

Boy, no more borrowing for me.

I'm through.

Well, I got to get going.

See you.

Bye, honey. Have a good time.

Okay.

See you later.

I'm sorry, I almost forgot.

Can I borrow the keys to the bus?

That's my property. That's my property.

Yeah, I know, I know.

It's a regular stop for me

every time I go around the board.

And the two most expensive properties,

with a hotel on each one.

You owe me...

$1,250.

The same amount I paid

the last four times I landed there.

Pay up.

Danny, I'm a...

I'm a little short.

How 'bout a loan?

Sure.

All you have to do is sign this document,

which gives me the power of attorney.

You're a terrible businessman.

Hey, mom!

Keith.

What happened to you?

Just wait'll you see what I bought.

What is it?

Come on out and see.

Mom, you'll never believe

the deal I got.

It only cost me 50 bucks.

Hey, whoa! A motorcycle!

Wow! Wow!

Well, it must run pretty smooth.

I didn't even hear you ride up.

Well, I didn't exactly ride it up.

I... I pushed it up.

It doesn't run yet,

but for a couple of hundred bucks...

Keith, I forbid it.

You'll kill yourself on that thing.

Well, I wanted to talk to you about that.

Think you can lend me 20 bucks

for a crash helmet?

[Groans]

I Don't believe it!