Original subtitles

[Partridge family theme playing]

♪ come on now and meet everybody ♪

♪ and hear us singing ♪

♪ there's nothing better than being together ♪

♪ when we're singing ♪

♪ the five of us ♪

♪ and mom working all day ♪

♪ we knew we could help her if our music would pay ♪

♪ Danny got Reuben to sell our song ♪

♪ and it really came together when mom sang along ♪

♪ come on now and meet everybody ♪

♪ and hear us singing ♪

♪ there's nothing better than being together ♪

♪ when we're singing ♪

♪ when we're singing ♪

♪ when we're singing ♪♪

Still no Lori? No.

She's more than a half-hour late,

and I don't think it's fair for her to keep us waiting.

No, it isn't,

but this time, let's let it slide.

Danny: I've got an idea.

Let's beat her up.

It's good for morale.

No jokes, please.

Look, Lori's in for some bad news,

and it's up to us to help soften the blow.

What is it? What happened to her?

This morning,

Dr. Kessler told me that Lori has to wear braces.

Oh, no. You're kidding.

You mean the whole bit? The railroad tracks?

Transcontinental.

Oh, no. Poor Lori.

So, you see,

she needs all the help she can get.

I know.

We'll make her see the bright side.

All kids with braces have never had a singer

to identify with before.

This could be the high point of her career.

Nice try, honey, but it won't work.

Here she comes.

Ah, look, kids, i...

I want to talk to Lori alone,

so could you find a reason to leave, please?

Yeah, okay. Sure, mom.

Okay.

I'm sorry I'm late.

It's all right, honey.

Did Jerry ask you to go steady?

He lost his nerve,

but he's gonna try again tomorrow.

Well, I'm sorry you're not going steady, honest.

I... I better go get... Some sheet music.

I've got to go throw knuckleballs.

I have to go make mud pies.

I'd better make sure my pet lizard

has plenty of flies.

What happened?

I thought we were supposed to have a rehearsal.

Let's you and I have a little talk.

How do you think she'll take it?

The braces?

Mm-hmm.

Oh, Lori's cool. She can handle it.

Yeah, but Lori's a girl.

She's gonna take it hard.

I just hope she doesn't get hysterical.

She won't.

She'll be brave.

Six months?

Oh, honey, I know this is a shock for you.

And I'm not gonna try and kid you

by saying it won't make any difference

in the way you look,

but isn't it better to wear braces for six months

and have beautiful teeth for the rest of your life?

When do I get them?

Tomorrow, 1:00.

That's when I'm supposed to meet Jerry.

Lori's very mature.

Mature people don't get hysterical.

She'll be brave.

It doesn't matter how mature women are.

They still get goofy about how they look.

I think she'll be brave.

Hysterical. Brave.

Hysterical!

She was both.

Stop that.

Hey.

Here comes Jerry again.

Again?

He's walked by here at least 35 times today.

What's he doing?

He's hoping he'll see Lori.

It's the old,

"hi, Lori. What a coincidence.

I just happened to be passing by, " Trick.

Some coincidence.

Guys in love are crazy.

[Honking]

Here he comes.

Jerry: Hi. Both: Oh, hi.

Just happened to be passing by.

Is Lori here?

No, she's at the dentist.

Oh.

Well, that's where she said she was going

when she broke our date,

but I just thought something might be wrong.

No, not exactly.

The dentist is gonna give...

Ah, is gonna give her a check-up.

I'll have her call you when she gets in.

Thanks.

Well...

See you.

See you.

Bye.

Okay, what was that all about?

Lori said she wanted

to tell him about the braces herself.

But why?

It's not like she has a terminal disease or anything.

It doesn't matter.

She said she wanted to tell him.

Hi, kids.

Hi, Mr. Kincaid.

How are you doing, Reuben?

What are you doing in town?

Kids, I have great news.

That's good, because we have bad news.

Oh? What's your bad news?

What's your great news?

I asked you first.

Why is it,

whenever I get with you kids,

I descend to your level?

Oh, all right.

The good news is that the Wayne burgess show

is taping in San Francisco this week,

and I've convinced them to come down

and tape a segment right here.

The partridge family at home.

Hey, that's terrific. It sure is!

Mr. Kincaid?

That's a masterstroke.

Congratulations.

Thanks, Danny.

I'm learning.

Now, what is your bad news?

Lori's at the ornithologist.

Why? Has she got a sick bird?

He means the orthodontist.

Oh.

She's gonna have to wear braces.

Poor kid.

At her age, that's gonna be rough.

Well, we'll just have to make her see the bright side.

Bright side?

Yeah.

Yeah.

All those kids out there with braces on their teeth.

They never had a singer to identify with.

This could be a high point in her career.

That's exactly what I said, Mr. Kincaid.

You know, we think a lot alike.

I know.

And sometimes it scares me.

Well, they're back.

Okay, kids, come here. Come here, quick.

Okay now, look.

We shouldn't mention Lori's braces, right?

All: Right.

Right.

But don't be overly nice either.

Okay. Just treat her as rotten as you normally do.

Okay. Reuben: Okay.

Reuben, what are you doing in town?

Shirley, I have great news.

We're gonna be on the Wayne burgess show.

Right here in our house.

Reuben, that's wonderful.

When is it?

Tomorrow afternoon.

Isn't that fantastic, Lori?

We're gonna be seen on nationwide TV.

Oh, no.

I didn't mean to make her cry.

I've got to go and apologize to her.

Honey, the best thing to do now is just leave her alone.

She's pretty upset.

Do you think she'll do the show?

You don't have to worry about Lori, Mr. Kincaid.

She won't let us down.

Strange.

That's what Caesar said about brutus.

Lori?

Has anyone heard Lori talk today?

She hasn't said a word

since she left the dentist's office.

Hasn't even opened her mouth.

It's too bad grown women don't wear braces.

It would sure make the divorce rate drop.

She has to open her mouth now.

She has to eat.

Hi.

Can I talk to you for a minute?

Look, honey, there's no reason

to be so down in the mouth.

I'm sorry.

It was a bad choice of words.

Lori, the kids want me to tell you

that they're willing to cancel the show

if you don't feel up to it.

Mr. Burgess is gonna have a hard time replacing us.

It's pretty late.

Honey, I know how you feel.

But you're gonna have to wear those braces

for six months.

We can't cancel all of our engagements.

And you can't just stop talking.

Women aren't built that way.

And you can't just eat soup.

Sooner or later,

you're gonna get a noodle caught in your straw

or something.

Oh, mom, what am I gonna do?

Well, that's a step in the right direction.

[Doorbell rings]

Shirley: Lori, would you get that?

I'm not dressed yet.

Okay, mom.

Hi.

I'm wink burgess, superstar.

Here's an autographed picture of me.

This is Tommy Phillips, our producer/director.

Pay no attention to him.

I'm the one with the profile.

And you must be Lori partridge.

Oh, what a beautiful young girl.

And you're so lucky to be this close to me.

I realize I'm early, but where is everybody?

Oh, well, mom and the kids are upstairs changing

and Keith and Reuben are in the garage

bringing in the equipment.

Oh, that's great.

How long have you been talking into your hand, anyway?

Well, here's an autographed picture

for each of them.

They'd look nice on that wall.

Yes... one long row of me.

Why don't we take a few publicity shots

while we're waiting? Great idea, Tommy.

Great idea.

Come on, now, give us a smile.

A nice, big smile.

Oh, come on.

You can do better than that.

No, come on, come on, Lori.

Give us a nice, big smile.

Oh, get those down.

Give us a nice, big smile.

Come on, now.

Give us a big smile.

Come on, let's see some teeth.

I can't. What happened?

Hi.

What a coincidence.

I just happened to be passing by.

Lori?

I've got to ask you this while I've got my nerve up.

Would you...

Go steady with me?

I can't do that either.

Lori?

Did she tell you yet?

Tell me what?

I can't tell you.

Okay, keep moving, keep moving.

We haven't got all day.

Can I have a lighting... Over here.

Would you come over here...

That's right, uh, this one.

Work this one and plug that in.

You don't have to do that now.

You don't have to do that now.

Watch the light. Watch the light.

All right. Okay. Listen.

Here, here, here, here, here.

Okay, can I have...

Come on, come on, come on. Relax for a minute.

I want to get a rehearsal on the song.

Well, we can't put it off any longer.

You can do it, can't you?

Sure.

Nothing to it.

Nothing to what, hmm? Hmm?

Why does she talk into her hand?

That's not natural, you know?

It's nothing, really.

It's just that Lori just got braces,

and she's reluctant to open her mouth, that's all.

A singer who won't sing.

Isn't that wonderful?

I could've booked a militant priest

who demands sundays off.

I could've booked a leather craftsman

who hand-tooled his wife, but no.

Wink: I book a singer who won't sing.

Reuben: Oh, she'll sing,

and with no hands.

Good.

Wink: Hey, come on.

Let's get on with it before she changes her mind.

Okay, uh,

let's go through it without singing the lyrics.

The soundman wants to get a level on the instruments.

Anything.

Let's just get on with it.

We're running late.

Okay, okay.

One. Two.

Three. [Doorbell rings]

A doorbell? A doorbell?

We're doing a TV show,

and we're interrupted by a doorbell?

My mother told me not to become a superstar,

but I wouldn't listen.

Why, I'm... I'm sorry, Mr. Burgess.

Wink. Wink.

Bill, come on in.

Hi. Am I late?

No, no.

You're just in time for rehearsal.

Uh, this is Dr. Kessler, our dentist.

I invited him over to watch us film the show.

Mrs. Partridge, this is a TV show,

not a block party.

Dr. Kessler, this is Mr...

Charmed, charmed,

but we're a little bit behind schedule.

Here, here... Put this over your heart.

It prevents warts.

Come on. Let's get on with it.

Why don't you sit down over here?

Okay. This is a rehearsal, and instruments only.

All right.

One, two, three, four.

[Piano playing]

[Piano playing out of tune]

[Music petering out]

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Lori, what's the matter?

I don't know.

There's a funny buzzing in my ears.

Well, i...

I'm sorry about this, Mr. Burgess.

I really am.

Me too.

I could've been interviewing

a man who takes aerial photographs

of Kate Smith.

But no, I have to listen to you.

I'm on a diet.

Let's try it again.

Okay.

One, two, three, four.

[Music playing]

[Piano playing wrong notes]

Wait a minute, wait a minute. Hold it.

Lori, this is a 2/4 count.

I know, but my mouth is playing 3/4.

That doesn't make any sense.

I know you're not gonna believe this,

but I can hear music in my mouth.

Oh, wonderful. Wonderful.

I've found a girl who has a mouth for music.

Lori, what kind of a story is that?

I don't know.

I... I can hear music in my mouth.

I think it's the rolling stones.

Lori, I'm on your side,

but the rolling stones don't make personal appearances

in a person's mouth.

Honey, you did agree to do this, remember?

I did agree, and I want to do it.

I'm not making it up.

You don't believe me, do you?

Excuse me.

This could be the piebald syndrome.

No, I'm sure it's the rolling stones.

Dr. Kessler: But the piebald syndrome

is when the metal in your mouth collects radio signals.

You're kidding.

No, not at all.

It happens quite often, but usually with fillings.

Oh, honey, I'm sorry.

For a while, I didn't believe it.

Lori, can I listen to your mouth?

Is there anything we can do about it?

Oh, sure.

I could remove the braces,

but that would take about three hours.

In three hours, I shall be in Los Angeles,

interviewing an ex-trappist monk

who inscribes graffiti on the head of a pin.

Why don't we go around asking everybody

to maintain radio silence

until we're through with the show?

That's not a bad idea.

Braces aren't the best receivers, are they?

And they usually pick up signals quite close by...

Hundred, 200 yards.

Well, then, what are we waiting for?

Here... Phillips!

Take some men and go east.

Mrs. Partridge,

you and your family fan out across the street.

You... technicians, grips, gaffers...

Take the houses behind.

I'll go stand in the street

and meet my public.

Okay, men, action.

Hi.

What a coincidence.

I just happened to be passing by

and I nearly got trampled.

Hey.

You're all right, aren't you?

I mean, you're not gonna be sick?

Hey, your radio.

[Rock music playing]

It's playing the same thing my mouth is.

I beg your pardon?

It was you.

Lori!

Did you know you have braces?

I'm sorry.

I meant to break it to you...

Eventually.

Hey, Lori, it really doesn't make any difference.

It doesn't?

No. You're still you.

I mean, you're a beautiful person,

even if you do have an ugly mouth.

Oh, gosh, i... I didn't mean that.

I mean, there's lot of good things about having braces.

You can strike a match on your teeth.

I don't mean that either.

Boy, I'm really blowing it.

I need braces on my head.

Oh, thank you, Jerry.

You're welcome, but what for?

You made me smile.

Mom? Reuben?

Everybody, come back.

I've solved the problem.

All right, clear back there. You're in the shot.

Clear back.

Okay, let's do it.

You ready?

All right, hit it.

[Piano playing]

♪ I try in so many different ways ♪

♪ to say just the words that I mean to say ♪

♪ I sing from my heart but we're so far apart ♪

♪ and all my love is here in my song ♪

♪ but then you don't believe in love songs, love songs ♪

♪ you say my love cannot be true ♪

♪ and if you won't believe in love songs, love songs ♪

♪ then tell me what to sing for you ♪

♪ my song has a soft and simple beat ♪

♪ all the lines don't rhyme but the words are sweet ♪

♪ I think that we'll find if we take just the time ♪

♪ the love we'll have won't ever be wrong ♪

♪ but then you don't believe in love songs, love songs ♪

♪ you say my love cannot be true ♪

♪ and if you won't believe in love songs, love songs ♪

♪ then tell me what to sing for you ♪

[instrumental]

♪ but then you don't believe in love songs ♪

♪ love songs ♪

♪ you say my love cannot be true ♪

♪ and if you won't believe in love songs ♪

♪ love songs ♪

♪ then tell me what to sing for you ♪

♪ but then you don't believe in love songs, love songs ♪

♪ you say my love cannot be true ♪

♪ and if you won't believe in love songs ♪

♪ love songs ♪

♪ then tell me what to sing for you ♪♪

Well, thank you for inviting me over, Shirley.

It was quite an experience.

I'm certainly glad you were here.

We wouldn't have had a show.

Dr. Kessler,

my family almost missed this performance because of me.

Is there any chance it could happen again?

It's doubtful, but it might.

Can't anything be done?

Yes, but it would mean

a sacrifice for you.

What kind of a sacrifice?

Well, I could remove the braces,

but you'd have to wear a night brace.

A night brace?

Yeah, you know,

the thing that wraps around your face. Oh.

Dr. Kessler: You'd only have to wear the braces six months,

but you would have to wear the retainer every night

for two years.

Just at night?

That's right.

Oh, Dr. Kessler.

You may like it,

but I don't think Jerry's gonna be too thrilled.

Why?

When you and Jerry go to a drive-in,

now you're gonna have to watch the movie.

Oh!