Original subtitles

[Partridge family theme playing]

♪ Come on now and meet everybody ♪

♪ and hear us singin' ♪

♪ there's nothing better than being together ♪

♪ when we're singin' ♪

♪ five of us and mom working all day ♪

♪ we knew we could help her if our music could pay ♪

♪ Danny got Reuben to sell our song ♪

♪ and it really came together when mom sang along ♪

♪ come on now and meet everybody ♪

♪ and hear us singin' ♪

♪ there's nothing better than being together ♪

♪ when we're singin' when we're singin' ♪

♪ when we're singin' ♪♪

[Door opens]

Keith?

Oh, I hope they didn't see me.

I hope they didn't either. You look terrible.

I wouldn't dress this way if it wasn't necessary.

Uh, let me see.

The weather report said

there'll be 50 percent chance of showers,

and you're not taking any chances.

Very funny.

I hope he isn't starting a fad.

Well, look who's here.

It's Harry Hollywood.

Everybody's a comedian.

I've had it.

They just won't leave me alone.

Don't you think you're getting a little pretentious?

Pretentious?!

I'm just trying to survive.

About 100 girls followed me home

from school today.

Maybe it's that new Cologne you've been using.

Will you go over to the window and see if they're still there?

I gotta get to basketball practice.

Did you say there were about 100 of them out there?

Yeah.

Well, about 95 of them must have defected.

For now.

But now they know where I live.

They'll never leave me alone.

What is there about the teenage girl

that makes her follow around someone

just because they sing?

Guys Don't do that.

It has a lot to do with sports:

Basketball, football, baseball.

Most girls Don't play those sports.

Right.

That's why they have the time to follow the guys around.

Who's following who around?

Girls are following me around.

They're ruining my whole life!

Aren't you exaggerating just a little?

You think I'm exaggerating?

Huh, you should have seen what happened to me today

while I was registering for classes.

[Students chattering]

Let's see...

You're taking auto shop.

Auto shop! Oh, me too!

[Gasps]

Nineteen girls and me are taking auto shop.

Some of the guys have even started a petition

to transfer me into home economics.

They're just jealous.

Yeah? Well, you should have seen

what happened the other day at the basketball game.

Girls [cheering]: We want Keith! We want Keith!

[Girls continue to cheer]

I think the coach is beginning to hate me.

It's probably just your imagination.

[Girls continue to cheer]

I Don't think so.

It's not easy

being a sex symbol.

[♪♪♪]

But now that we're a hit group,

we should make at least another

half a penny a record.

How about a compromise?

What's your offer?

I'll buy you an ice cream cone.

Big deal.

Hey, Keith,

did you finish the arrangement yet?

I'll do it tonight.

Imagine what it must be like to be a really big star.

The girls must never leave you alone.

Oh, oh, yeah.

I read somewhere that Lawrence Welk gets

at least 20 marriage proposals a week.

All postmarked sun city.

Too many women, huh?

Yeah.

Yeah, my heart goes out for you,

followed by all those girls.

I'm bleeding inside.

I like you, Mr. Kincaid.Thanks.

She hasn't developed a lot of taste yet.

Come on, Tracy, let's go outside.

Thanks, Danny. You're a real sweetheart.

Look, enjoy yourself.

Girls are a...

Fringe benefit of the business.

The time to worry is when they stop chasing you.

That's just what I've been telling him.

You do like girls, Don't you?

Of course,

but one at a time.

Not in groups.

Want me to get rid of them for you?

Oh, do you think you could?

I'd really appreciate it, Reuben.

Don't mention it.

That's what managers are for.

[Door closes]

Who is that girl?

You mean you two haven't met?

No, but we had some pretty heavy eye contact.

Where'd you find her?

I found her standing in my azalea bed,

so I asked her in.

She's very sweet.

She has a big crush on you.

[Sighs]

Cathy...

This is Keith.

Hi. Hello.

Hey, here comes somebody.

Who is he?

He looks a little like my orthodontist.

Everybody be cool. Just act your age.

Hi. Can I help you?

We'd like to speak to Keith partridge.

Do you want his autograph?

Of course not.

We take auto shop with Keith,

and, uh, we were wondering

if he had a spare Jack he could lend us.

We have some homework we wanna catch up on.

I see.

Well, I Don't know if he has a spare Jack or not.

He's at the library.

Why Don't you go ask him?

We will. Thank you very much.

Yeah.

[Screaming giddily]

No girls ever chased me to the library.

I wouldn't worry too much about it, Keith.

Once the girls get used to your success,

the novelty will wear off.

But what do I do in the meantime?

Some of the girls who didn't even like me before

act like they're crazy about me now.

All I want is a girl who isn't overwhelmed

with the fact that we made a record.

They're gone.

Oh, phew.

I'm gonna be late.

I'll see you later, mom. Bye, dear.

Gee, thanks a lot Reuben.

Wow, he has problems and everything,

just like a real person.

So I've noticed.

You're so lucky to be his mother.

Thank you.

Tell me something.

When you talk to Keith, does your throat get all tight?

No.

Wow, you must have great self-control.

[Girls screaming]

Um, can I help you?

No, I'm just browsing.

Oh, well, you certainly have developed

your own style for it.

Oh, please Don't look at me.

Excuse me? Don't look at me.

There's a bunch of girls chasing me,

and I Don't want them to see me.

Oh, well, I'll try to resist the temptation.

How long have you had this problem?

You mean the girls?

Yeah, chasing you.

Oh, ever since the record became a hit.

Oh, I see.

Hey, what's your name?

What does that have to do with it?

Oh, I just wanna know.

It's Janet.

Janet.

Yeah, it fits you.

I'm glad you approve. I'll keep it.

You Don't recognize me?

I'm Keith partridge.

Um, I'll write that down.

Then I'm nobody special to you?

You could put it that way.

Hey, well, that's terrific.

Look, would you like to buy something?

Uh... no,

but can't we meet after school one day?

I have to work.

Oh, well, how about a week night?

I have to study.

Well, how about two years from Wednesday,

a dental appointment?

Look, with all those girls chasing you,

you certainly Don't need me.

Look, I didn't ask those girls to chase me.

I know how tough things are for you show business people.

I'm not a show business person.

Swell. Well, I have to work now.

Wait.

Does this mean it's over between us?

Practically.

[Whirring loudly]

[Yelling] How was basketball practice?

What?

[Turns off vacuum]

How was basketball practice?

Oh, I didn't go.

Why not?

I met a girl.

Is she pretty?

Very... but I didn't make a very good

first impression.

Well, first impressions aren't that important.

[Sighs] The second one was even worse.

She didn't like me at all.

Well, that happens sometimes.

What do you mean, she didn't like you?

You're very likable.

Well, for one thing,

she doesn't like show business people.

Oh, that's ridiculous.

Well, she wouldn't go out with me,

and she practically threw me out of the place she worked.

Well, the best thing to do

is to just forget about her.

I can't. Why not?

I think I'm in love.

Tracy, where did you get that extra dessert?

Laurie didn't finish hers.

I told you to finish everything on your plate,

not everybody else's.

Don't blame me if this doesn't taste good.

I was expecting you for dinner at the normal time.

I'm sorry. I was outside waiting in front of Janet's store.

[Taunting] Keith has a girlfriend!

Keith has a girlfriend!

I wish.

Keith has a girlfriend.

That's enough, Chris.

What did she say?

We must've missed each other.

But I thought you were standing in front?

I was.

She must've ducked out the back.

Do you think that was a coincidence?

Hi, Janet?

Janet, this is Keith. Keith partridge.

Yeah, hi. Janet, tell me the truth.

Were you trying to duck me last night?

Uh-huh.

Answer me one more thing.

Do you have to be so honest?

[Receiver clicks to hang up]

Hi.

Hello.

How's the arrangement coming?

Oh, I forgot about it.

If it's not ready by the session,

we're in a lot of trouble.

Do you wanna talk about it?

The arrangement?

[Whispers] The girl.

The whole world knows my problems.

Danny: Wait.

Sometimes it helps to talk these things out.

After all, what's a brother for?

No offense, but you're 10 years old.

What do you know about love, anyway?

Nothing. That's why I can be objective.

[Whispers] What's her name?

Janet.

[Whispers] Where does she live?

All I know is she works at a place called the inner self.

Is that a meditation group?

No, it's a woman's underwear place.

I hope this little talk helped you.

Feel free to call me any time.

He's so human.

Um, can I help you?

Are you Janet?

Yeah, I'm Janet.

Do you have any idea

what you're doing to group morale?

What is this, some freaky new way

to sell cub scout cookies?

Keith hasn't been able to get any work done

since he met you.

It's lousing up our schedule.

Why won't you go out with him?

Keith partridge?

I said the wrong thing, didn't I?

Yeah.

I should've recognized you for a partridge.

Keith's a very nice guy.

I've known him all my life.

He may not be a great conversationalist,

but his girlfriends say he's a terrific kisser.

If you'll just spend some time with him...

[Door chimes jingle]

I'll never figure out what Keith sees in girls.

Mrs. Partridge, what's Keith's favorite food?

Well, that's a toss up.

He likes steak,

but he also likes meatloaf.

I knew it.

I could tell he was a steak and meatloaf person,

and I bet he likes his steak rare.

Well done.

I knew it.

Is there something wrong with the lettuce?

Oh, no.

I was just thinking,

this might be a part of his salad.

Well, there's a way you can find out.

Why Don't you have dinner with us tonight?

You mean it?

I mean it.

Well, I'll eat in the kitchen.

You'll eat with us.

Cathy, are you all right?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Oh, I think I'm gonna die.

Janet?

Janet, it's me.

Look, if you're trying to be inconspicuous,

I'm afraid you're not making it.

Look, tell me something.

Why do you dislike me so much?

It's not you... I just Don't like

this whole show business thing.

What's that supposed to mean?

Look, Keith, you Don't need me.

You've got a lot of things going for you.

You just made a hit record,

you... You're a terrific kisser...

Wait a minute. You're cute...

How do you know? I've never kissed you.

Your brother told me.

I never kissed him either.

Anyway, forgetting about me should be no problem

if you're so rich and famous.

I'm not famous.

The only reason people know me in this town

is because I live here,

and as for being rich,

my family has a lot of people to support

on our salary.

There are managers, booking agents, producers,

and they all get a percentage.

We have a long way to go before we're rich.

I didn't mean to insult you

or your family.

It's just that

you're all a little strange to me.

Strange?

You're calling my family strange?

Different?

Look, you're way off.

We're as normal as any family in the whole world,

and if you Don't believe me, come over and see for yourself.

I told you, I have to study.

What's the matter? You afraid you're wrong?

No, it's not that. Then you'll come?

All right, I'll be there.

Mm, that smells delicious.

Do we have enough for one more?

I think so.

Aren't you gonna ask me who it is?

Who is it? Janet.

The girl? None other.

Congratulations. Thank you.

I wanna make sure that everything's all right.

You understand?

I'll add some meat to the spaghetti sauce.

That's not what I mean.

What do you mean?

Well, I told her we were a normal family,

not show biz or anything.

I'll try not to burst into song as I pass the parmesan.

I'm serious, mom.

Keith, are you trying to tell us how to act?

No, I just want everyone to be themselves,

not talk about road trips

or gigs,

and especially not groupies.

Then you may have a little problem.

That is, if you consider Cathy a groupie.

Cathy? That girl who's been hanging around the house lately?

Yes, I invited her to dinner tonight.

Oh, no.

She'll sit there and stare at me,

watching every move I make.

Invite her some other night.

This is important to me.

It's very important to her too.

If you Don't want her to come, you'll have to go

and tell her yourself. What's her number?

I Don't know.

Where does she live?

Third and maple, next to the Gibson's.

Are you really going to tell her?

Somebody has to.

[Car horn honking]

Hi. Are you honking for me?

Yeah.

Come on in.

Well, aren't you gonna ask me why I'm here?

I can't believe you are here.

Well, I am here.

Look, it's about dinner tonight.

You Don't like my salad?

No, no, it's not that.

It's, it's a wonderful salad.

It's worth its weight in...

Salad.

Look, you Don't really like spaghetti, do you?

Oh, it's my favorite, next to steak or meatloaf.

Oh.

I can't believe your mom asked me.

Well, she shouldn't have.

I mean, well, I...

I didn't know you were coming,

so I invited this other girl.

I see. Wait a minute.

Well, I never wanted to bother you,

so I won't come over anymore.

You, you never bothered me,

honest.

I just came by to say that... Well, the other girl is

gonna come late, so...

Could you come

a half hour later?

You mean that's what you wanted to tell me...

For real?

Sure, I mean,

what kind of guy do you think I was, anyway?

I couldn't tell you.

I'd be too embarrassed.

[Engine starts]

[Partridge family's "somebody wants to love you" plays]

♪ On your own far away from home ♪

♪ there doesn't seem to be a friend when you're alone ♪

♪ people stare you wonder if they care ♪

♪ so you turn your back on someone with love to share ♪

♪ try to see, it's gotta be ♪

♪ lovin' one another is the only possibility ♪

♪ so when you're down and losin' ground ♪

♪ Don't get to thinkin' love can't be found ♪

♪ hey, stop, stop and look around ♪

♪ somebody wants to love you ♪

♪ stop, stop, and turn around ♪

♪ somebody wants to love you ♪

♪ somebody wants to love you... ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ hey, you, it's nothin' new ♪

♪ love will be around no matter what you do ♪

♪ oh, will you try every alibi ♪

♪ and fool yourself some more then wonder why ♪

♪ so try to see, it's gotta be ♪

♪ when you turn your back on love ♪

♪ you miss the opportunity ♪

♪ and once again you're at a dead end ♪

♪ and nowhere to turn without a friend ♪

♪ hey, stop, stop and look around ♪

♪ somebody wants to love you ♪

♪ stop, stop, and turn around ♪

♪ somebody wants to love you ♪

♪ somebody wants to love you... ♪

♪ Love you ♪

♪ ah ♪♪

[Door chimes jingle]

Hi.

You're early.

What would you do if I told you

that everything you said about me was true?

It wouldn't surprise me.

You know, the funny thing is I, I wasn't a phony

until I started trying to prove to you

I wasn't a phony.

Uh, do you wanna translate that?

I almost hurt a little girl's feelings

this afternoon

and practically told my whole family how to act

just so you'd be impressed.

And is this supposed to impress me?

No. Just tell me the truth.

You were coming tonight

because I was a pest, right?

Right. Uh-huh...

And you never liked me

in the first place, right?

I tried not to mislead you.

See, I knew it.

It just took me a while, that's all.

Well, it wasn't that I didn't like you.

Hey, no, that's okay, really.

I mean, if everybody liked me,

there'd be no challenge left, would there?

Maybe I was wrong.

No. Don't change, really.

I want to remember you just the way you are.

[Door chimes jingle]

Laurie: There he is, america's heartthrob.

I can't help it if I'm so sensational.

I just lost my appetite.

Oh, Laurie's setting an extra plate.

We're only having one guest for dinner.

All right.

You're really something.

That girl thought it was such an honor

to make a salad just for you.

Some honor. Who, Cathy?

How could you do it to her?

I couldn't.

What happened with Janet?

Well, I decided I should examine why I liked her,

and I realized that the main reason

was that she didn't like me...

And then I figured that's not a good basis

for a lasting relationship.

Sounds logical.

You know, so many girls seemed to like me

because of the record

that I didn't know who I could believe.

Well, I think you should trust

your own instincts.

You'll find out pretty quickly

when a girl likes you for yourself.

Yeah, I guess so.

Some people are here to see you.

Oh, who?

Well, you know those five girls

that have been following you around?

Oh, no. It's their boyfriends.

Oh, no!

They said it was a matter of life or death...

Yours.

I'll be back when they're gone.

Well, you're not running away, are you?

I've run from their girlfriends. I'll run from them.

I Don't play favorites. Oh, give it up, Keith.

You can't go on running forever.

[Laughs]

You Don't know how to play.

Gin.

See?

No kibitzing.

Three, six, 16, 25, 35.

Hi, Keith.

Hi.

How come you're not dressed funny?

Well, looks like I Don't

have to dress that way anymore, Tracy.

The excitement seems to have worn off.

We need a hit record.

You didn't mix them up enough.

No more autograph seekers?

No, it seems like

they're leaving me alone.

You look a little disappointed.

Yeah.

Maybe all the attention wasn't so bad after all.

It's human nature.

You were unhappy then, you're unhappy now.

Yeah, but I think this is a better unhappy.

Gin.

That's impossible.

I told you, you didn't mix them up enough.

Tracy.

Ten, 17...

[♪♪♪]