Original subtitles

[phone ringing]

[recorded message] 'Yo, yo. What's up? This is Will.'

'I can't get to the phone right now.'

'I kind of got my hands full.'

Ah..

'Hah, so leave a message, unless this is Carlton'

'in which case, don't.'

(Carlton) 'Will, it's Carlton.'

'I-I-I got an emergency.'

'Will, we just finished dinner'

'and I think I left my wallet on the dresser, so could..'

Who was that?

Oh, it-it's just a wrong number, baby.

Now, where was I? Oh, there I was.

Greetings. Look, munchkin, a romantic dinner for two.

Jazzy, maybe we should revise our plans.

You're right, my pet. Let's unpack after we eat.

[theme song]

♪ Now this is the story all about ♪

♪ How my life got flipped turned upside down ♪

♪ And I'd like to take a minute just sit right there ♪

♪ I'll tell you how I became the prince ♪

♪ Of a town called Bel Air ♪

♪ In West Philadelphia born and raised ♪

♪ On the playground is where I spent most of my days ♪

♪ Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool ♪

♪ And all shootin' some b-ball outside of the school ♪

♪ When a couple of guys who were up to no good ♪

♪ Started makin' trouble in my neighborhood ♪

♪ I got in one little fight and my mom got scared ♪

♪ And said you're movin' with your aunty ♪

♪ And uncle in Bel Air ♪

♪ I whistled for a cab and when it came near ♪

♪ The license plate said fresh and had a dice in the mirror ♪

♪ If anything I could say that this cab was rare ♪

♪ But I thought nah forget it yo homes to Bel Air ♪

♪ I pulled up to the house about seven or eight ♪

♪ And I yelled to the cabby yo homes smell you later ♪

♪ Looked at my kingdom I was finally there ♪

♪ To sit on my throne as the prince of Bel Air ♪

And I told the landlord

"I don't want you repainting our apartment.

Those stains have memories."

Excuse me just a second.

Jazz, homey, look, now, you know,mi casa es su casa.

But, look, tonight, mi casa es mi casa.

Comprende, negro?

That's okay, Will, I think I better go.

But, wait, wait. Hey, hey, hey, baby.

Come on, you ain't gotta do that.

Oh, yes, I do. I'm really hungry.

Hey, baby-baby, listen, I can have some

Rotisserie Gold here in six minutes.

Well, you've done it again, haven't you?

Done what, Jazzy?

Munchkin, perhaps our visit is a little ill-timed.

Don't worry, me and Jewel could sleep out on a park bench.

I hear rain is nature's moisturizer.

Well, look, y'all, y'all might as well just stay.

Y'all done messed everything up already anyway.

Thanks for hanging up on me, Will.

I ended up getting thrown outta the restaurant

and then I got a ticket for driving without a lic..

What are they doing here?

Jazz's apartment is getting repainted.

Oh, like I care.

I'm going to my room, putting on my jammies

and calling it a D-A-Y.

Either his head's getting smaller

or his butt's getting bigger.

[Carlton shrieks]

There's a whole army of these action figures around my bed.

They're fertility gods, Carlton.

[yelps]

Wait.

Y'all trying to have a baby?

Yeah.

Just 'cause Jazzy and me are away from the marital bed

don't mean we ain't gonna..

♪ Boomshackalaka shackalaka shackalaka ♪

♪ Boomshackalaka shackalaka shackalaka ♪

♪ Boomshackalaka shackalaka shackalaka ♪

Hey, whoa, whoa, g-guys. Hey, listen.

I mean, I'm-I'm all for this, you know, being fruitful

and multiplying thing

but, uh, it's kind of close quarters here.

So, you think y'all can put a boom-shaka lock

on it for a minute?

I'd like to accommodate you, my brother

but, uh, we're on a mission.

Not on my posturepedic, bud.

Excuse us for a second.

Listen, Jazz, man, look.

I'm real happy for you and your wife, man

but you think this mission could get scrubbed for a minute

at least 'til your rocket is back on its own launching pad?

No can do, Will.

The doctor at the clinic says

this is when I'm at my most fertile.

Which reminds me, sweetie.

I took my temperature, all systems go.

Permission to board the mother ship.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

(Carlton) 'Oh, no, you don't.'

There'll be no boarding

of any kind, Mr. and Mrs..

What the heck is your last name anyway?

Hey, that's my bed.

Carlton, relax, I'll get you some new Barney sheets.

♪ Whoa I feel good ♪

♪ I knew that I would ♪♪

I cannot believe they're at it again.

Man, they are not human.

Hey, Jazz. This ain't funny, man.

I command you to stop.

Roll away from the woman.

[sighs]

[panting]

Ah!

[instrumental music]

I can't take this anymore.

I'm gonna go sleep with mom and dad.

Careful Uncle Phil doesn't roll over on you again.

Well, the little darling's fast asleep.

Are you sure you didn't kill her?

Will, I realize what a inconvenience we've been

but since you ain't getting us no wedding present

I figured this is the least you could do.

What are you talking about, man? I gave you a wedding.

Psh! Take that to the bank.

Look, Will, making a baby is a truly blessed event.

I think you mean, "Having a baby," Jazz.

Trust me on this.

Look, Will, my Jewel's fondest dream

is to have a child of her own.

I love her.

She's my delicate little flower.

[shouting] Yo, crank it up!

Hey, take it easy in there, we're not insured.

Well, I don't think it's a very good idea

for Jazz and Jewel to reproduce.

Right, big guy. The prisons are crowded enough.

That's not fair.

If Jazz and Jewel wanna bring a child into this world

who are we to judge? We're not exactly perfect.

Hello.

So have you kids shopped for Mother's Day?

Uh, I'm afraid I haven't had a chance to buy their gifts yet.

I-I'll get to the mall right after lunch.

Wait, wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Geoffrey's picking out your Mother's day presents?

Of course not, big guy. We told him exactly what to get.

Oh, yes. Down to the very last detail, sir.

Let's see, there's

"Some kind of perfume or something," from Ms. Hilary.

"A book might be neat," from Ms. Ashley.

And, "Here's 20 bucks and and I expect some change back"

from Master Carlton.

I can't believe you kids.

How do you think your mother's gonna feel

when she finds out you didn't do your own shopping?

Oh, I have no problem with my own shopping.

Uncle Phil, I got my mom something she gonna love.

She always wanted to get my baby shoes bronzed

but she never got around to it. So, I hooked her up.

Those are your baby shoes?

Well, yeah. I had big feet.

You know what they say about a guy with big feet.

No, what?

[Philip clears throat]

They, they be, they be saying, "Damn, you got some big feet."

Well..

As much as it pains me to admit it..

...Will's got the right idea.

Now this year, I want you to pick out something handpicked

personal and from the heart.

Now, you go out there and shop.

Yeah, that's right. Feel ashamed of your sorry selves.

You feel ashamed of your sorry selves.

- Eloquent, sirs. - Thank you, Geoffrey.

Makes me wanna do something special for Mrs. Banks myself.

So, you don't want me to get the usual dozen roses?

No, that's good enough.

Hey, Will.

Oh, hey, I'm surprised y'all can walk.

Your levity is inappropriate.

We've been at the free clinic all morning

to find out why my oven is as yet bunless.

Come on, you, y'all-y'all haven't been baking long.

Hey, and I'm sure, if you, if you stick with that recipe

you'll get all the ingredients mixed up in there and--

How can you think about food at a time like this?

I mean, we ain't never gonna have a baby 'cause..

...my little soldiers ain't marching.

Bummer.

Jazz, didn't I tell you to not be wearing them bikini drawers?

You told me not to wear 'em in the streets.

You ain't tell me not to wear 'em.

Alright, alright.

You know what? It-it's probably just stress.

Yeah, yeah, you know, I'm sure that's what it is, man.

I mean, y'all just got married

you're always running from the law.

And you know what?

Why don't you go to another free clinic

get a second opinion?

We can't afford another free clinic.

Um, Jazz, look. I'm really sorry for you, man.

I mean, hey, at least y'all tried.

Never heard two people try harder.

Don't try to comfort me, Will. I'm un-comfortable.

Hey, look, Jewel, um..

I-I'm sorry. If there's anything I could do..

As a matter of fact, there is.

Oh, look, whatever it is, just let me know.

- You really mean that, Will? - Name it.

I want your little soldiers.

So, what do you say? Can I have your baby?

I'd really appreciate it.

Ah-ah-ah..

Jewel, come on. You are my best friend's wife.

As much as that excites me, I think I better pass.

I don't want your body, Will. I want your little soldiers.

Do I look like the UN?

Jewel, if Jazz ever found out about this, it would kill him.

So you in?

You know about this?

Know about it? It was my idea.

What are y'all asking me to do?

Hey, look-look. How about I give y'all something else?

Like a, like a VCR?

You hear that, munchkin? He's giving us a VCR too.

He's so full of love.

Let's hope so.

Come on, having, having a baby is-is a big responsibility.

We're ready for it.

Why, I even started saving for little Junior's college fund.

[coins clinking]

Listen, look, I, hey.. I don't think I can do this.

Sure you can.

Will.

Remember that time we went to go play ball

and your shoelace broke and I gave you mine?

Same thing.

Jazz, man.

D-d-don't you have some relatives or something?

Why me?

I mean, you got a good heart.

And you got a lot of smarts

and you're tall, and you got good teeth.

Of course, we'll be praying he gets my ears.

We really want this baby, Will. I mean, we love him already.

And we love you too.

And there's no one else we'd ask

to be a part of our family.

How about a toaster?

Kids, I don't know how to thank you.

Such thoughtful gifts.

Well, you deserve them, mom.

(Vivian) 'And these roses'

oh, they are exquisite.

Thank you, honey.

You're welcome.

Well, you, well, you know, it's the thought that counts.

Yes, so think about sleeping on the couch for a while.

Mother, I wanted to buy you the perfect gift.

Something that would show you just how special you are.

But I couldn't find it, so I made it myself.

You made something?

Hilary, you can't even make change.

Oh, yeah? Well, you can't even make..

Um..

Oh, shut up!

Anyway, I put this together at work.

My tribute to Vivian Banks.

It's a celebration of your greatest accomplishment.

♪ You are so beautiful ♪

♪ To me ♪

♪ Can't you see ♪

♪ You're everything that I hoped for ♪

♪ And wished for ♪

♪ You're everything I need ♪

♪ You are so beautiful baby ♪

♪ To me ♪

Don't try to talk.

Let's all just share this moment.

[intense music]

May I help you?

Uh, Smith.

Will Smith.

I-I-I got appointment, you know, f-f-for the drawing.

You're a little embarrassed, aren't you?

Don't worry, we're all professionals here.

Thanks a lot.

I appreciate that.

[shouting] Gladys, another customer for the happy booth!

Just have a seat and think lovely thoughts.

Yeah.

First time, kid?

Oh, well, no, actually, I was 11..

Oh, you mean, here?

Yeah, yeah.

- How about you? - You kidding?

I come here once a week.

Why?

Well, a lot of couples wanna have babies and can't.

I like to think of myself as nature's middleman.

Kind of like a Johnny Appleseed without the apples, huh?

Once a week.

Mr. Considine?

I'm up.

- Good luck. - Hey, hey, good luck.

Here you are, my brother, I brought you a card.

Hey, thanks, Jazz.

"Heard you had a stroke?"

It was the closest we could find.

You know, for some reason

Hallmark has overlooked this occasion.

Jazz.

I gotta be honest, man. I'm..

I'm just kind of nervous about this.

You want me to go in with you?

Look, Jazz, come on. I mean..

What are you gonna tell people?

I'm gonna tell 'em it's my kid.

Will, this is between us.

No one must know of my secret shame.

The oath.

And to show you how grateful we are

me and Jewel, we're taking you out tonight.

You know, in honor of Mother's Day.

Thanks a lot, Jazz.

I could just kiss you.

You know, that's not exactly the image I need right now.

Jazz Junior.

(male announcer) 'So join us in bidding goodbye to Jazz Junior'

'the greatest player in the history of the NBA.'

[cheering]

That boy down there has got good genes.

That boy got good genes.

You can't play no ball like that without having no good genes.

That my seat. Move over.

(male announcer) 'And now, stepping up to the mike'

'the one, the only, Jazz Junior.'

[cheering]

(Jazz Junior) 'I just wanna say'

that I owe it all to one man.

My father.

Stand up, dad. Take a bow.

[cheering]

I'm sorry, Will, but you don't belong here.

[audience cheering]

Ready, Mr. Smith?

Ah, no, I'm not.

I don't belong here.

[instrumental music]

Hey, guys, sorry I'm late.

Man, y'all at least could've waited

till I got here before you y'all ate.

Oh, we didn't order. This was here when we sat down.

They're cheap tippers too.

Less than 15 percent.

- Will, I got some big news. - Jewel, Jewel, listen.

Look, I got something I need to tell y'all.

- But we-- - Jazzy, listen.

Now, t-this whole having-a-kid thing

I m-m-mean, I'm telling you, it's overrated, man.

Babies. Yuck!

I mean, they, they all b-bald and stanked up and nasty..

Well, Will, I'm pregnant.

Listen, Jewel, I was sitting up in the clinic..

I'm sorry, did you say something?

We're gonna have a baby, Jazzy and me.

How the hell did that happen?

Brother, I think me and you should talk.

No, I mean, well, what, one of your little soldiers

established a beachhead?

-You're gonna be a daddy? - Uh-huh.

- Eeh! - Eeh!

Hey, congratulations, man!

Hey, listen, they're having a kid

and I ain't had nothing to do with it.

- Oh, man. - Thanks, Will, for everything.

Hey.

Happy Mother's Day, Jewel.

Thanks, Will.

Come here, man, come here.

I know we invited you to dinner

but would you mind paying for it?

I saw my picture over the cash register.

Come on, Jazzy, let's hit the salad bar.

I brought my big purse.

Whoo!

I know you were looking forward to being a part of this.

I hope you're not too disappointed.

Oh, that. You know what they say, "Easy come, easy go."

I guess the world will have to wait a little longer

for Will Smith, Jr.

- But he'll come along someday. - 'Yeah.'

[sighs]

[laughs] Hey! Happy Mother's Day, brother.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, man.

Good evening, sir, would you like to hear tonight's specials?

Oh..

No, you-you. No, thanks, man. You know what?

You know what? I just lost my damn appetite.

[instrumental music]

How do you think your mother's gonna feel

when she finds out you didn't do your own shopping?

Oh, I have no..

How do you think your mother's gonna feel

when she finds out you didn't do your own shopping?

Oh, I have no..

(male #1) 'Same place. We're rolling.'

'Space, the final frontier.'