Original subtitles

[instrumental music]

- Hey, Will, what's goin' on? - Uh, Lisa's comin' over.

We're gonna watch a couple of action-adventure flicks tonight.

Maybe if I get lucky, we'll get a little action adventure

of our own going, you know what I'm saying?

So, what movies did you rent, "Casanova?"

Oh, we got "Terminator 2," "Lethal Weapon 3"

and my personal favorite, "Maniac Cop VII."

Sounds like a romantic evening. What's Lisa going to do?

Lookie here, lookie here, spanky.

Now, I'm the man, you see what I'm saying?

I'm the Man-dingo.

Lisa will watch what I tell her to watch

and she will enjoy it!

And that, as they say, is that.

Now, if you'll excuse me, it's about to get X-rated up in here.

- You know what I mean? - Hey!

- Hey, baby. - Hey! What's up, girl?

- Mwah! - So what movies did you get us?

Uh, "Terms of Endearment," "Fried Green Tomatoes"

and "The Joy Luck Club." Shall I get us some hankies?

[theme song]

♪ Now this is a story all about how ♪

♪ My life got flipped turned upside-down ♪

♪ And I'd like to take a minute just sit right there ♪

♪ I'll tell you how I became the prince ♪

♪ Of a town called Bel-Air ♪

♪ In West Philadelphia born and raised ♪

♪ On the playground is where I spent most of my days ♪

♪ Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool ♪

♪ And all shootin' some B-ball outside of the school ♪

♪ When a couple of guys who were up to no good ♪

♪ Started makin' trouble in my neighborhood ♪

♪ I got in one little fight and my mom got scared and said ♪

♪ You're moving with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air ♪

♪ I whistled for a cab and when it came near ♪

♪ The license plate said Fresh and it had dice in the mirror ♪

♪ If anything I can say that this cab was rare ♪

♪ But I thought nah forget it yo homes to Bel-Air ♪

♪ I pulled up to a house about 7:00 or 8:00 ♪

♪ And I yelled to the cabbie yo homes smell you later ♪

♪ I looked at my kingdom I was finally there ♪

♪ To sit on my throne as the prince of Bel-Air ♪♪

♪ I got love ♪

♪ Oh my man ♪

♪ Ta-da da-da da-da da-da ♪

[roaring]

What are you so happy about?

Oh, I just made the weekend reservations at Palm Springs

for me and Lisa.

Lisa? You've been seeing a lot of her lately.

Oh, yeah, and if it goes the way I plan, I'll be seeing

the rest of her this weekend. You know what I meant? You know?

Have you no shame?

Yeah, I'm ashamed of you.

Well, while you're wallowing in your sordid filth of a life

I'll be pursuing some culture.

I bought tickets to "The Jeffersons Live On Stage."

It includes dinner with Sherman Hemsley

and an autographed picture of both Lionels.

Swell, that will go great with your Weezy collectible cups.

Hey, Kool-Aid!

I got your Kool-Aid, alright? You wan--

You look so good, you are gonna be a hit at the Bahamas.

[chuckles] Well, I can't wait to see your mother down there.

I've been practicing my limbo.

Huh!

- Oh.. - I don't know, dad.

That limbo bar gets as low as 13 inches.

Wow, Carlton, you could just walk right under.

Ah! Will's shacking up with some girl in Palm Springs.

You're gonna get it now, mister.

Have fun.

[laughing]

Wait, is that all you're gonna say to him?

Am I paying for your little trip?

- Well, no. - Five up top.

Alright.

Uh, Master William, Ms. Lisa is here to see you.

Oh, sugar-wugar, now, come on, girl.

Oh, and sir, the limbo bar

is set at three feet when you're ready.

Excellent!

He couldn't make that lying flat on his back.

Baby, now, say those words

that you know send chills up my spine.

I want you to meet my father.

[imitating sizzling]

Ooh. What you talking about, girl?

Well, baby, you know, he and I are very close.

And before you and I get any closer

I think that you should meet him.

Ah, alright. Uh.. Well, that's cool, that's cool.

I'll meet him when we come back from Palm Springs.

Oh, check it out, I got us the Wilt Chamberlain suite.

[chuckling]

With the electronic scoreboard over the bed and everything!

Well, before you and I get into a little one on one

you're gonna have to talk to the head coach.

Well, I'm saying, what if he ain't playing off

the same playbook I am, baby?

Well, then we're gonna have to call a time-out.

Hey, hey, hey, don't be using my analogy against me.

Come on, baby, I'm just not gonna be comfortable going

unless I know that my father approves of you.

As if there's anything not to approve of.

Hm..

Oh, oh-oh-oh not the ears, baby, ooh.

Alright, I-I-I'll talk to your daddy.

You keep doin' that, we're gonna have to dig up his daddy

I'll talk to him, too.

[instrumental music]

Do you have a non-profit book

by African-American photographers?

You mean "Songs Of My People."

It's a very popular book.

Uh, hey, hey, hey, we're not non-profit.

- Hey. - Hey, baby.

Hey, hi. Hey, hey, hey, how are you doing? Alright.

Uh, sorry I'm late, um, but after I left church

I went down and read some books to the elderly.

Ah, pfft..

Don't overdo it, honey.

Will, this is my dad. Daddy, this is Will.

- Hello. - Whoa!

How you doing? You hear that deep voice?

Like James Earl Jones, "This is CNN."

[chuckles]

Well, I gotta get to class.

I want you guys to enjoy each other.

So how's the grub here, Wilbur?

Well, we've only had two food-related deaths

in the past month.

I didn't read about that.

You must be doin' a good job as a manager

to keep something like that quiet.

Uh, well, actually my-my cousin, Carlton

is the manager, you know? I'm-I'm-I'm pretty much just--

Tryin' to score with my daughter.

- Sir? - It's a joke.

I'm jokin', I'm pullin' your leg.

- Oh! - Ha-ha-ha!

[laughing]

You see these pictures?

That's my baby.

There's nothin' in the world I won't do for her.

And-and I-I really respect that, sir.

And-and if you don't mind me saying so

that is a lovely picture of your wife.

I see where Lisa gets her good looks from.

That's not my wife, that's my sister-in-law, Cecilia.

She's so ugly, she'd make a-a onion cry.

[laughs]

Okay, actually, I was being polite. She is a dog.

[growling]

[laughing]

Hey, hey, she's so ugly, she could make a freight train

take a dirt road.

It'd be like, "Huh? Ah!"

[imitating car engine revving]

[laughing]

You talkin' about my family, boy?

Um, well, no, I-I just figured you-you was, um, so..

You know what? I like you.

- You do? - Yeah.

But I'm out of time, I got to fly

to San Francisco on some business.

Why don't we just finish this interview next week?

Ooh, ooh, ooh! Hey, uh, sir.

Um, you know, I-I-I actually was hopin'

that I could get your approval by this weekend.

- What's the rush? - Oh, no rush.

You know, I-I just hate to leave things unfinished, you know?

I'm very meticulous like that.

"Meticulous."

Hey, now that's a word you don't run into every day.

Say, why don't you fly to Frisco with me?

You can help me with my vocabulary. Hm.

[laughs] F-f-fly?

You ain't scared, are you?

[scoffs] Me, scared?

Hell, no.

[screaming]

(Adams) 'Hey, Wilbur, you didn't finish your Buffalo wings.'

Uh, I can't eat anymore.

Sure you can, just put some hot sauce on there.

Um, no-no-no, thank you.

Boy, I don't know what you talkin', you better

put some Red Rooster on there.

Look, um, h-h-hey, do you think you could just

land the plane, you know and I'll just walk back to LA?

Oh, flying upside-down makes you a little queasy

doesn't it, boy?

Well, no, I'm not a..

[retching]

I'll take that as a yes.

Now, let's talk about my daughter.

Look, it's like I told you on the ground, man.

You know, I-I just like being with her.

Wrong answer.

[Will screaming]

(Adams) 'You might as well admit it, boy.'

You like a squirrel trying to get a nut.

Let me ask you a question.

How many times did you put those rusty crusty lips

on my daughter?

With all due respect, sir

I think that's between me and Lisa.

Wrong again.

[screaming]

Okay, you win.

Well, I'll just cancel our weekend in Palm Springs.

Why the hell would I want to go to Palm Springs with you?

Not you, Lisa.

You taking my baby girl to Palm Springs?

Oh, no, no, no, boy!

- I'm really mad now! - No, no, no.

[screaming]

Oh-oh. The engine dead.

What?

Yeah.

Oh, so I, uh, I guess we're going down, huh?

Faster than a bucket of chicken at Oprah's.

Oh, so I should probably just confess all the nasty things

I've done with your daughter, huh?

Especially seein' as how in any second now

we're gonna be splattering all over those mountains down there.

Let me tell you somethin', man, I'm from Philly.

You got to wake up pretty early in the morning

to get me with some old..

[door shuts]

Mr. Adams?

Mr. Adams?

Mr. Adams?

[screaming]

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

[Will screaming]

[laughing]

I made it!

I'm alive!

- I can't believe it! - I can't believe it, either.

Your damn chute wasn't supposed to open.

Yeah, your plane wasn't supposed to crash neither.

I guess you just havin' a all-around bad day, huh?

How the hell you land so close to me?

I guess I'm just lucky.

Mayday! Mayday!

This is Afro-Niner 4-2-3.

We've gone down!

Our precise position is somewhere

over some trees and rocks and stuff.

- Give me that thing. - What you gonna do, man?

- Give it here, give it here. - What you gonna do?

- Give it, give it to me. - What you..

- Don't.. - Get..

- Oh-oh-oh. - Oh.

- You done it now! - Oh, damn!

Okay, look, look, we just got to get down from here, man.

Okay, let me tell you what you got to do, boy.

You gotta get your mominimum and knock me out of this tree.

"Mominimum?"

Don't you understand English, boy? Mominimum.

Now knock me out of this damn tree, come on!

Alright, alright, here, here.

Ah.. Oh, get me over, get me..

Ah! A-alright, here we go. Here we go.

[screaming]

Alright, I got it, I got it, I got it.

[screams]

[laughs]

[screams]

I'm Philip Banks. We got here as soon as we could.

Have you found my nephew yet?

Good news, we found the plane.

It's totaled.

[gasps] What?

- 'That's good news?' - Uh-huh.

- See, your nephew wasn't in it. - Well, where is he?

If I knew that, I'd be working for the Psychic Friends Network.

[laughs]

Look, that is my boyfriend

and my father out there!

So you're gonna be twice as upset if they're dead, huh?

Now, you listen here, Mr. Park-Ranger

Psychic-Friends-Network-freak .

You get out there and find my cousin now!

- Ashley, Ashley, get over here. - Don't worry.

We've got the best in modern equipment.

I'll send out a search party immediately.

Look, a party sounds like a lot of fun.

But can we please find Will first? Agh!

Ah-huh, civilization!

Two backpacks. And, look, a broken radio.

All we gotta do is stay here until these guys come back.

- They are back. - They are?

Where? Where?

This is our stuff! Oh, I don't believe this!

We wasted four hours traveling around this stupid mountain!

Why don't you quit bellyaching

and try to come up with some ideas of your own?

Oh, well, maybe I'll just do that.

[screams] Okay, okay, okay, okay, alright.

The-the sun sets in the west, right?

Okay, alright.

Ah, and moss only grows

on the north side of the trees.

Stop spouting all that witchcraft!

All we gotta do is just stay put.

I'm sure they're out there lookin' for me.

Not if they know you.

You know what, boy?

You've got a double order of lip.

And I got a short stack of patience.

What the hell does that mean?

Well, put up your hands, I'mma give you a good butt-whipping!

Look.

Please, you're like 479 years old, right?

And I ain't tryin' to be out here fightin' no old man.

Oh, fine, that makes it easier for me.

[groaning] Oh, my shoulder! Ow!

Yo, you alright, man, you alright?

Old man, huh? Oh, I've got you now.

Oh, young blood.

- Yeah, young blood. - Get off me, man.

Yeah, young blood.

[howling]

What's that?

Um, I don't know.

Coyote?

What do they eat?

[growling]

One of those?

[instrumental music]

What is taking so long?

You have got to find my father!

Don't worry, Ranger Franklin's our best tracker.

He never comes back empty-handed.

Oh, this is a tragedy.

Oh, don't worry, Carlton, I'm sure everything's gonna be okay.

Okay? I'm missing "The Jeffersons Live On Stage."

Right now I bet George is calling somebody a jive turkey.

I don't know what you're complaining about

This is hardly the way I wanted to spend my weekend.

Sitting around in some dusty old shack

waiting for Will to show up.

Man, it's tough findin' people in the woods.

We'll try again in the morning.

Well, no hurry.

[chuckles]

Look, my nephew is a city boy.

I'm worried that he might not be able to survive in the woods.

- Oh, where's he from? - West Philadelphia.

Oh, don't worry, if he can survive there

a couple of snakes and bears aren't gonna bother him.

[laughs]

[instrumental music]

What are you doing?

What's it look like I'm doing? I'm blowin' on the embers.

Uh, you're blowing the fire out, man.

Look, relax, I got a idea.

What are you doin'?

- Just stand back, please. - Hey.

What are you doing with my Red Rooster?

Damn!

And that was just the mild.

Ooh.

Man..

Look at those stars.

You don't see them like that back in the city.

Yeah, too much light.

You know, bein' out here in nature

uh, two guys against the elements

it's like guys just

naturally kind of bond with each other, you know?

You come together through a tough situation..

...actually start to like each other.

That ain't happening with us.

Not even a little.

Man, look at that moon.

♪ Somewhere there's music ♪

♪ How plain the tune ♪

♪ Somewhere there's heaven ♪

♪ How high the moon yeah ♪♪

Hey, what you know about some jazz, boy?

Oh, man, my grandma used to play Ella all the time.

Ella, Sarah, Thelonious, Miles, Bert.

Oh, man, those were the days.

- Before the music died. - Ah.

Hey, yeah, you can stop there, the music ain't died.

Now you got Guru, Digable Planets

A Tribe Called Quest.

"The Defense Rests."

[chuckles] No, I'm telling you, man, you know they got

a nice blend of the old school with the new.

- Lisa likes it. - Lisa listen to jazz?

Oh, man, we listen to jazz every time

when we try to get in the mood..

Is that Orion the Hunter?

Look at that.

You know, Will, about Lisa..

...sometime I am a little overprotective of her.

But she's my baby girl.

Heck, she's all I got now, that I lost my plane.

Mm-hmm, I'm saying, I mean, I-I can dig that and everything.

But don't you care what she wants?

Nope.

Put some more hot sauce on the fire, I'm gonna go on to bed.

♪ Somewhere there's music hey hey hey ♪

♪ How high the moon ♪

♪ Hey hey hey ♪

[groans]

[fire crackling]

[laughs]

[instrumental music]

I mean, I always found it so incredible

that only I could prevent forest fires.

I mean, that's so much responsibility.

You know, I really should be out there lookin' for your cousin.

Uh, don't worry, Will likes to sleep in.

- Will! - Oh, thank God you're alright!

- Hey.. - Oh!

The pool house wouldn't have been the same without you, Will.

Hey, thanks a lot, Carlton.

There, I said it! You happy?

Will, where's my father?

Oh, hey, it's alright, baby, he is fine.

- But what happened? - Well, you know..

We had a little engine trouble and we went down.

Well, but, you know, it was actually the best thing

could have happened to us, yeah, we landed

kind of in this wooded glade

you know, near this bubbling brook.

Uh, kind of looked like the beer commercials.

Except there wasn't no naked honeys.

Wasn't no beer.

Oh, but you know what, I don't know if it was

the-the beauty of the area

or-or just being outdoors, but we-we kind of bonded.

Well, why didn't he come back with you?

Ah, look, I could not tear him away, you know?

I told him we could probably just walk down this brook

take us back to civilization, but he said

"No, you go on without me, I wanna stay here

and be at one with nature."

You know, you can't be at one when you two, so I jetted.

- Really? - Well, hey, you know what?

I'm telling you, your father is a changed man.

He-he said we should go to Palm Springs and enjoy ourselves.

You mean, he actually said that we could go?

It was he insisted!

Well, now that we know you're all safe

I can still catch my flight to the Bahamas.

Come on, everybody, let's go, we're out of here.

[crickets chirping]

Where's that boy with that firewood?

Wilbur!

Yo, outside is a trail of hot sauce.

Light a match, take you right to him.

[instrumental music]

Wilbur! Ah, Robin Hood, are you around here?

- Alright.. - Anybody!

Red Rooster? Anybody, give me a hand. Squirrel! I need..

Give me a piece of cheese, I'm hungry.

Little Red Riding Hood, where are you?

Wilbur! Hey!

They leaving me out here by myself, I'm scared!

(male #1) We need some more people, come on in.

The Three Bears, where are you?

- Help me, somebody. - John, John, the show's over.

Help me, help me, please! Wilbur, where are you?

The show.. Alright, you can stay out here if you want.

(Adams) Wilbur! What the hell happened to everything?

[instrumental music]