Original subtitles

[instrumental music]

She still ain't showed up yet, huh, Carlton?

No, and I've been waiting over two hours.

Hey, hey, look, come on, man.

Look, don't even be beating yourself up like this.

Everybody gets stood up once.

Once a month?

Why did I ever trust a computer dating service?

Carlton, Carl.. Hey, hey, come on, man.

Look, chances are a-a girl who matches up with you

has already taken her own life.

Very funny.

Look, I'll be back in the stockroom

in the dark.

Oh, Carlton.

No.

I'm looking for Carlton Banks.

Uh, just a second.

Oh, damn. Just a second.

What took you so long, girl? Damn.

[theme song]

♪ Now this is a story all about ♪

♪ How my life got flipped turned upside down ♪

♪ And I'd like to take minute just sit right there ♪

♪ I'll tell you how I became the prince ♪

♪ Of a town called Bel-Air ♪

[instrumental music]

♪In West Philadelphia born and raised ♪

♪ On the playground is where I spent the most of my days ♪

♪ Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool ♪

♪ And all shootin' some b-ball outside of the school ♪

♪ When a couple of guys who were up to no good ♪

♪ Started makin' trouble in my neighborhood ♪

♪ I got in one little fight and my mom got scared and said ♪

♪ You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air ♪

♪ I whistled for a cab and when it came near ♪

♪ The license plate said Fresh and it had dice in the mirror ♪

♪ If anything I can say that this cab was rare ♪

♪ But I thought nah forget it yo homes to Bel-Air ♪

♪ I pulled up to the house about seven or eight ♪

♪ And I yelled to the cabbie yo homes smell ya later ♪

♪ I looked at my kingdom I was finally there ♪

♪ To sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel-Air ♪

[music continues]

[instrumental music]

Okay, so tell me again.

Once the bread is in those little slots

you just slide the lever down?

Fascinating, isn't it?

[chuckles]

- Um, Hilary-- - Not now.

I'm learning how to cook.

Good morning.

Good morning, madam.

Sweetheart, do you know what day it is today?

(Philip) Of course I do.

So, what are we gonna do to celebrate?

U-uh, same thing we did last year, only better.

Gee, Uncle Phil, how are you gonna top last year?

Well, uh..

Happy Valentine's Day!

Happy Valentine's Day, sweetheart.

Oh.

"Valentine's fun for you and your lover.

Come sing at the Peacock for a ten-dollar cover."

Neat, huh? And I rented a karaoke machine and everything.

Gosh, for real?

Aunt Viv, can I be excused from the table?

I'm just too darn excited to eat.

[Will chuckling]

But, mom, dad, I've reserved special seats

right next to the speakers for you.

Oh, thank you, son, but your father's got

some special plans for us tonight.

You big romantic guy, you.

Hilary, can you drive

me and my date to the movies tonight?

Sorry, Ash, but I'm preparing dinner for my valentine.

[laughs]

This is going to be a breeze.

Ashley, I'll give you a ride.

Oh, God. Daddy, please.

I don't want to spoil yourplans for tonight.

I don't have anything special planned.

What about our big evening?

Oh-oh-oh, that's much later.

So, who are we dating?

Daddy, please, this is not going to help my reputation.

What's wrong with your reputation?

You are. You give every date I have the third degree.

Boys will not come near me at school

without having a lawyer present.

Yes!

- Aah! - Yo!

What's wrong with you, girl?

Will, daddy is going to drive me and my date

to the movies tonight.

That doesn't sound like that's a big deal, Ash.

Will, the last time

daddy drove me and my date to the movies

he wound up sitting in the two seats behind us.

Couldn't you just drop us off and pick us up?

Oh, I'm-I'm afraid that's a little bit of a problem, Ashley.

See, this girl that I'm datin' tonight

is kind of like a 6.6 on the Richter scale

so I wanna be there, you know, for all the aftershocks.

You know what I mean? You know?

Yeah, I know what you're sayin'.

I'm doomed.

Ashley, I've circled the movies I feel are appropriate

for you and your, uh, friend.

"Free Willy."

"Beethoven II."

"The Return Of The Care Bears?"

Oh, that was my first choice.

Oh, but if your mother asks tomorrow

I didn't get any extra butter on my popcorn. Huh?

Uh, whoa, hey! Hey. Uncle Phil, check it out.

There's-there's been a-a slight change of plans.

Um, ah, Ashley's going to double with me and my girl.

Uh-uh, I'm not gonna have my daughter involved

in one of your wild evenings.

We-we playin' miniature golf.

Well, that'll be cool unless the church group

shut that place down, you know.

And afterwards?

Well, I was thinkin' we'd run some guns to Nicaragua

but we'll probably just come home.

Alright, Will.

She's in your hands.

But if anything happens to her

those hands will be without fingers.

Yes, sir! Lose my fingers, sir!

(Carlton) 'Hi! Good evening, everyone!'

And welcome to rockin' Valentine's Eve!

Now, I know most of you are wondering two things

how does he dress so well

and what is this thing called karaoke, anyway?

Actually, karaoke has two definitions

"Kara" as in, carry a tune

and "Oke" as in, okey-dokey, let the good times roll!

[laughs]

I swear I made that reservation a week ago.

Philip, why don't you be aman

and admit that you forgot Valentine's Day?

Alright. I admit it. I just forgot.

How come you don't forget Thanksgiving?

Why don't you just watch and try to enjoy your son's party?

Hey, look who just floated in on cloud nine

Philip and Vivian banks.

Two people who over the years

never stopped loving each other.

I should know. My room's just down the hall.

- Let's get outta here. - Don't, just don't..

Hey there, funny valentines. How about a love song?

♪ Love ♪

♪ Exciting and.. ♪

♪ Come aboard ♪

♪ We're expecting.. ♪

♪ The love boat hey ♪

♪ Soon we'll be making another run ♪

♪ Boat ♪

♪ Promises something for everyone ♪♪

(Will) 'We're here live at the St. Valentine's day open'

where Samantha Sacken is about to attempt

a very difficult stroke. Wait a minute!

It looks as though she's getting some help from her caddie.

Will, I thought you were the announcer.

Hey, hush up, child. I'm tryin' to help you with your form.

Stop. Not in front of your cousin.

(Will) 'Oh. Yeah, yeah, you're right.'

Come on, let's go out to the car.

They are really sweet together.

(Will) What do you think he's sayin' to her?

Probably the same thing you were saying to girls

when you were his age.

Heh, I doubt it, when I was his age

I was tryin' to get the girls to..

Hmm.

[chuckles] No. No.

He's just, he's just a little kid

'and so is Ashley.'

Not so little, Will. She is a beautiful girl.

Didn't you see what the putter guy did?

No. What'd he do?

He dropped her ball on purpose.

Oh, pfft! Now, why would he do that?

Unless he was tryin' to check out her..

Hmm.

No. Look, look, look, that is not possible.

Hey, when I was 15, it was possible.

Oh, yeah, but you was a little freak, though.

No. No. I'm just sayin', you know, it's..

Things were a lot faster in them public high schools.

She goes to Bel-Air academy.

I went to St. John's Parochial.

Hmm. You still got that little dress and them shoes, huh?

Hey, Carl Lewis, put a move on it.

Hey, take it easy, pops. You'll be in a hole soon enough.

That's a really nice outfit.

Hey, hey, look, uh, if I make this putt

you got to promise me that you're gonna..

[whispers]

[giggles] Will!

[laughs]

Bryan!

[instrumental music]

You know, Geoffrey, just between you and me

I was a little worried about making a whole dinner myself

but there's really nothing to it.

Oh, Miss Hilary, could you pass me

that heavy iron skillet over there?

Hello?

How thoughtless of me.

[baby cries]

Oh, dear, I better go tend to Master Nicky.

What? Geoffrey, you can't go now.

- But the baby needs me. - He needs you?

I'm the one with the orthopedist coming to dinner.

Geoffrey, I demand that you stay here and cook.

No!

Can you say that to me?

Well, um, l-let's try it again.

No.

By George, I've got it!

- No! No! - Geoffrey!

- Geoffrey, you come back here! - No!

(Geoffrey) 'No!'

Ew!

[sizzling]

[crackling]

Good God!

I think there's something wrong with the stove.

[instrumental music]

(Samantha) 'Hole in one! Yes! My first one ever!'

[Samantha claps]

Ooh!

That bird just doogied on your head.

Will, I got a hole in one!

Oh, y-you'll do better next time, baby.

(Will) Oh, hey!

Hey, hey, check it out. Listen.

I got a idea. Hey, how about we switch partners?

You go down there and play with, uh, w-with, uh..

- Samantha. - Ah. Thanks a lot, Ashley.

No, thanks, man, I like playing right here.

Okay, Ashley, uh, you go down play with what's-her-name.

Will..

Oh, you got another hole in one, baby? You good!

Gosh, it's getting warm out here.

Why don't you take your jacket off?

Oh.

Da-ah, ah.

Ashley, hey, check it out.

Um, um..

See, it's-it's some, uh..

It's some-some killer bees. Okay?

Uh, they come from Mexico.

And they-they-they could strike at any time.

And they-they love teenage flesh.

Thanks, but I'll risk it.

Just don't worry, man, I ain't gonna let no bees

get to this honey.

Okay, Junior Mac, uh, listen.

I think it's time we had a little chat, uh, mano aboyo.

Will, what are you doing?

Yeah, man. What's your problem?

I think the problem is something called a double standard.

Well, wait. Hold up, baby. Whose side you on?

I'm on the side that would like to continue our date.

And we would like to continue ours.

Yeah, I thought we was all havin' a good time.

D-don't you give me that innocent boy routine!

I know that routine. Iinvented that routine.

Ooh, I-I-I see right through you

you-you, little dog. Ooh, shame.

Man, back off me, man. I just want to have some fun.

Fun?

Does this look like a place to have fun?

I don't think so.

Ain't nobody gonna have no fun up in here.

Not me, not you, not her!

And definitely not me.

Goodbye, Will.

Whoa. Baby, oh..

Come back here. What is her name?

Man, the word was out on your father

but who knew your whole family was crazy?

Bryan, I'm so sorry.

Ashley, if you ever run away from home, give me a call.

- Bryan, wait. - Oh, hey, let him go.

Let him go, baby.

And good riddance, you little Filthy McNasty!

Will, how could you do this to me?

To you? Ashley, I'm doing thisforyou.

Look, okay, when you get older, you'll understand.

Listen, look, let me make it better.

I'm gonna buy you ice cream.

No. I don't want anything.

You're worse than daddy!

Nice job, Cupid.

Ashley!

[beeping]

Yah! Ooh.

That's what I call a happy Valentine's Day.

[shutter clicking]

Ashley!

Why does everyone treat me like I'm some

poor defenseless little girl?

Because you are, Ashley.

I mean, boys are just gonna try to take advantage of you.

That'smyproblem, not yours or my father's.

And you know what? I can handle it.

Oh, yeah, right, like, you can handle some big old dude

tryin' to be all over you

like-like-like cheese on a Big Mac.

Will, maybe Ilikecheese.

Um, how you, how you gonna like

something you ain't never had?

Please tell me you ain't never had no cheese, Ashley.

No, but if I wanna have sex

I do not need your approval!

It-it-it's cheese, Ashley.

What y'all lookin' at?

Excuse us.

Look at me.

I'm not the 11-year-old I was

when you first moved to Bel-Air.

Do you understand?

Yeah. Yeah, I do.

Maybe we need to send you to an all-girl school, you know

just so you keep your head on your studies.

Ash-Ashley. Ash..

Okay, that's twice. Ashley.

Ashley, come-come back here. C..

I ain't playin', girl. Come back here!

And what are you lookin' at?

[instrumental music]

Well, can you fix it or not?

Lady, this thing needs a whole new mess of parts.

I'm gonna have to come back tomorrow.

Tomorrow?

Don't you have like a spare stove in your truck?

No. I took it out when I put in the hot tub.

Listen, you...Duane

I happen to have an orthopedist coming to dinner.

It's Valentine's Day.

Or wasn't there a sign or something in the trailer park?

Listen, you, the stove has to wait until tomorrow.

But while I'm here, maybe I can adjust your attitude.

[telephone rings]

Hello! Oh, hi, Don.

You what?

Oh.

Yeah, I understand. Sure.

- Bye. - Problem?

My date got called to the emergency room.

Some old lady fractured her hip

and broke her leg in five places.

Do I have the worst luck or what?

You're not the only person that had things to do.

I was supposed to go out clubbin'

with the Maytag repairman.

He doesn't get out much, you know.

Is that a smile? Was that a smile that I just saw?

Well, it looks really nice on you, too.

You know what?

As long as neither of us are doin' anything

why don't we not do it together?

Oh, well, that's very sweet

but...how can I put this nicely?

I'm too good for you.

I usually don't say this to a woman, but you know what?

You're probably right.

Happy Valentine's Day, pretty lady.

[door closes]

Duane, do you fix microwaves?

♪ What you say? ♪ ♪ There's not a man today ♪

♪ Who can take me away from my guy? ♪

♪ There's not a man today ♪

♪ Who can take me away from my guy? ♪

[audience applauding]

Can we go now, please?

No.

I don't want this evening to ever end.

Oh, stop it, Viv. You don't want to be here any more than I do.

You're right, I would rather be

in a romantic, beautiful restaurant

having a wonderful Valentine's Day dinner

but you didn't remember.

[instrumental music]

♪ They've only just begun ♪

♪ To live ♪

♪ White lace and promises ♪

Oh, sweetheart, sweetheart.

Sweetheart, I, you know--

♪ A kiss for luck and they're on ♪

♪ Their way ♪♪

Come on, everybody. Hum with me.

[humming]

Sweetheart, I work very hard

to provide a good life for you and my family.

And every night, I hold you in my arms

and I kiss you goodnight.

I don't need a holiday to tell you that I love you.

I show you all year.

Oh, Philip.

Ohh.

We're goin' to Paris on our anniversary.

[gasps]

Philip, oh, that's next week.

It is?

- Ashley? - Oh, great.

I just paid a ten-dollar cover

to spend Valentine's Day with my parents.

Where is Will?

I don't know and I don't care.

How did you get here?

- I took a bus. - You what?

Hey, hey, you got a lot of explainin' to do, young lady!

And so do you, Will, what do you mean by lettin' this child

wander around the street at night by herself?

I'm not a child!

You were supposed to watch out for her, Will.

I did, that's why I kicked

that little nasty boyfriend's butt out.

- Daddy, he's-- - Sweetheart, just a minute.

What'd he do to my little girl?

- I am not a little girl! - 'Hey!'

A little less yelling and shouting

a little more humming and clapping.

- Look, all I know is.. - Where is the girl that--

- And she was naked. - Who was naked?

- No, no, no! - All I know is..

[clamoring]

♪ What you want ♪

♪ Baby I got it ♪

♪ What ya need ♪

♪ Do ya know I got it? ♪

♪ All I'm askin' is for a little respect ♪

♪ When I come home ♪

♪ Hey daddy when I come home ♪

[indistinct chatter]

♪ Just a little bit ♪

♪ I ain't gonna do wrong ♪

♪ While I'm gone ♪

♪ I ain't gonna do wrong ♪

♪ 'Cause I don't wanna ♪

♪ All I'm askin' ♪

♪ Is for a little respect ♪

♪ When I get home ♪

♪ Oh daddy when I get home ♪

♪ Just a little bit ♪ ♪ Oh yeah ♪

♪ Just a little bit ♪

♪ Mm I'm about to give you ♪

♪ All my money ♪

♪ And all I'm askin' ♪

♪ In return honey ♪

♪ Is that you give me my propers ♪

♪ When I get home ♪

♪ Oh yeah now when I get home ♪

♪ Just a little bit ♪ ♪ Alright ♪

♪ Just a little bit ♪

♪ R-E-S-P-E-C-T ♪

♪ Find out what it means to me ♪

♪ R-E-S-P-E-C-T ♪

♪ Why can't you just trust me? ♪

♪ Sock it to me sock it to me ♪ ♪ A little respect now ♪

♪ Oh-ohh ♪ ♪ Sock it to me ♪

♪ Just a little bit ♪

♪ Re re re re re re re re re ♪

♪ Respect ♪ ♪ Just a little bit ♪

♪ Just a little bit ♪♪

(male #1) 'Five, four, three, two.'

(Will) 'We're here live at the St. Valentine's day open'

where Samantha Sacken is about to attempt

a very difficult stroke. Oh, wait!

It looks like she's getting help from her caddie.

(male #1) 'Hold, please. Hold.'

Ty, you can't walk through the shot.

Did I? Oh, my God.

Jeez.

(Will) You little Filthy McNasty.