Original subtitles

[instrumental music]

Guess what I have in my hand.

Do I have to call security?

[Will chuckles]

Hey, look, girl, before you have me tossed in the clink

you might wanna check it out.

Uncle Phil's floor seats to the Lakers.

So what's up? I'll pick you up like 6:00, 6:15?

Will, I appreciate your asking

especially three hours before game time

but I'm kind of dating someone right now.

You dating somebody right now?

How come I'm the last to know?

I have my reasons.

[chuckles] Oh, I get it. I get it.

I get it. You embarrassed.

Dude's probably some snaggle-toothed

pie-faced, snausage-lipped, hunchback--

It's Hank Farley.

Heisman trophy-winning fool.

Tonight's Hank's 21st birthday party.

Hey, Jackie, come on, girl. Now, girl..

Now, you know that Hank Farley is not your type.

You know what I'm saying, you-you strip away

the shoulder pads, and the muscles

and dimples and what you got?

You.

[theme song]

♪ Now this is a story all about how ♪

♪ My life got flipped turned upside-down ♪

♪ And I'd like to take a minute just sit right there ♪

♪ I'll tell you how I became the prince ♪

♪ Of a town called Bel-Air ♪

♪ In West Philadelphia born and raised ♪

♪ On the playground is where I spent most of my days ♪

♪ Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool ♪

♪ And all shootin' some b-ball outside of the school ♪

♪ When a couple of guys who were up to no good ♪

♪ Started makin' trouble in my neighborhood ♪

♪ I got in one little fight and my mom got scared ♪

♪ And said you're moving with your auntie ♪

♪ And uncle in Bel-Air ♪

♪ I whistled for a cab ♪ and when it came near ♪

♪ The license plate said Fresh and it had dice in the mirror ♪

♪ If anything I can say that this cab was rare ♪

♪ But I thought nah forget it ♪

♪ Yo homes to Bel-Air ♪

♪ I pulled up to a house about seven or eight ♪

♪ And I yelled to the cabby ♪

♪ Yo homes smell you later ♪

♪ I looked at my kingdom I was finally there ♪

♪ To sit on my throne as the prince of Bel-Air ♪

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Going to the Lakers game, huh, Will?

Uh, well, no. There's been a change of plans, Uncle Phil.

I'm going to a party.

Ask him if he got any sevens, Hil.

Got any sevens, daddy?

Ah, Ms. Ashley. Ready for your big date?

- Not really. - What's the matter, honey?

Did you ever have one of those days

when you just don't feel pretty?

No.

Tsk. I don't know what to do.

Robert's due here at 8:00, and I can't do anything with my hair

nothing looks good on me, and I feel fat.

Oh, Ashley, you look adorable.

Oh, that's real comforting, coming from my father.

- That's it. I'm not going. - Ashley, wait.

Look, your date won't be here for another hour.

Let's go upstairs and I'll give you

some Hilary Banks beauty tips.

Trust me. I know exactly what you're feeling.

You mean you've had nights where you felt fat and ugly?

Okay, so I don't know exactly what you're feeling.

You know, so, when I was at Notre Dame, right?

They put me in the last play at a last game, right?

Hey, of course, when Hollywood got a hold of my story

they made it a white dude, huh?

What are you doing here, anyway?

Never mind.

I.. I'm.. I think, I think I'm gonna go have some chips.

I'm-I'm.. I'm feeling chippy.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

- Will! - Hey, hey, hey, hey!

Hey, Jackie!

I didn't see you standing in front of the dip.

Is this guy a friend of yours?

Who wants to know?

(all) 'Hank! Hank! Hank! Hank!'

'Hank! Hank! Hank! Hank!'

And you are?

[Hank coughs]

(all) 'Where's Hank?'

If that was a sorority out there

they would know what my name was.

Oh, you know, my brother, I wa-I was wondering.

Was that the Ohio State game

where you fumbled three times?

[chuckles] Yeah. Well, I really shouldn't have tried to play

with a broken hand.

[chuckles softly]

Well, I played basketball once without a leg.

Well, that explains why your jokes are so lame.

Hey, now, was that your call, or did the coach send that in?

Hey, the testosterone is starting to

reach a dangerous level.

Carlton, do you want to dance?

You want to dance with me?

Really?

Oh, I always thought there was chemistry between us.

I mean, ever since the first day we met.

There was an indescribable something..

Hey, do you want to dance?

[instrumental music]

Daddy, I hope you're sitting down.

Oh.

Well, we all knew that Ashley was, well, cute

but with my help, she has turned into

an absolute knockout.

So it gives me great pleasure to present..

...the new Ashley Banks!

Well, isn't she the most gorgeous creature

you've ever seen?

Well, honey..

'She looks like you.'

I know. Isn't it great?

I can't wait for mom to see her. When's she coming home?

Well, I'm not sure.

She's bowling next door at the Spelling's.

Ashley, sweetheart, are you comfortable dressed like this?

Well, daddy, it all comes down to what Robert thinks..

Ashley, aren't we forgetting something?

Ha-ah!

[giggles]

[gasps] Oh!

'I am so proud.'

Don't move. I need a picture of this.

I'll go get my camera.

[both giggle]

Well, Ashley, you-you look very nice.

Nice? I look like "Honey, I shrunk the Hilary."

Look, sweetheart, if you don't like what Hilary did to you

why don't you tell her so?

I can't. It'd hurt her feelings.

There's only one thing I can do.

Hello, Robert? Listen, I can't go.

I got stuck babysitting my little brother.

Yeah, me, too.

Well, bye.

Okay, say, "Charge it."

[camera shutter clicks]

Hilary, Robert canceled on me.

And after all your hard work.

Oh, that's awful.

Oh, but look on the bright side, you might have gotten dumped

but you look marvelous.

[camera shutter clicks]

[Hilary giggles]

Ashley, where did you learn to lie like that?

Mom taught me.

[instrumental music]

[scoffs] Poor Jackie, man.

Stuck over there with that clown.

She got to be miserable.

Whoo! Go, Hank!

Yeah! Whoo!

What would it take for me to get a woman to make that noise?

Probably cash.

Hey, y-you know what?

I can't stand to see her suffer like this.

Oh, excuse me. Excuse me. Montana. Montana.

Let me show you how we do this in a hip city.

- Yo, what's up, man? - What's up with you?

Hank, let me dance with him this one time, alright, baby?

[sighs] Whatever you say, baby.

Hey, why don't you go take a steroid break?

[scoffs] Girl, I'm sure glad we got rid of that nut.

Yeah, you're pretty good with your legs

but let's see how you are with your arms.

(Will) 'What?'

Arm wrestling? That is..

That's a boy's game.

You're right.

Step up...to a man's game.

Matt!

Look, if this is over me you can just stop it right now, alright?

[chuckles] This is bigger than you, baby.

- It's a man thing. - 'Oh!'

Excuse me.

Alright, lightweight.

- Bottoms up. - 'Freeze!'

Will, what the heck do you think you're doing?

- You can't drink. - Why not?

Because you're underage.

It's against the law, mister.

Thank you very much, McGruff the Crime Dog..

...but t-this is the law of the jungle.

It's chump or be chumped. I know what I'm doing.

A toast..

To my worthy opponent.

In the words of "Public Enemy"

"Bring the noise!"

[clink]

- Whoo! - Yeah!

- Yeah! - Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah!

- Whoo! - Yeah!

[cheering]

[hoarse voice] Smooth.

- Alright! - Alright! Here we go!

[cheering]

- Oh! - Oh!

[cheering]

Boo!

- 'Come on!' - Will, stop it.

This has gotten way out of hand.

What are you talkin' about, man?

I only had..

Two.

Look, you've had enough. Come on, get up.

There. You happy?

Will.

Hey, look, look, look. Listen, man, listen.

I'm not stopping until he does.

'Shh!'

(all) Ooh!

You got it! You got it!

Alright!

Whoo!

Whoo!

Banzai!

Feed us, sasquatch.

Look, I've had about all I can take of this damn thing.

Carlton, would you take me home, please?

Jackie.

Yeah, Carlton, have the valet bring around your big wheel.

[laughs]

I'm ashamed of you.

Look, I'm gonna go take Jackie home.

Wait here till I get back.

And you're in no condition to drive, mister.

As a matter of fact, give me your keys.

Hey, hey, what you talkin' about, man?

I can keep my own car keys, you understand?

I'm responsible.

Did you know I had a puppy?

What happened to him?

I don't know.

- Give me those keys. - Hee-hee-hee!

Uh-uh-uh! That ain't it.

Just wait here. I'll be back for you.

I hope you goin' to have fun drivin' my gym locker.

[giggles]

You happy, chump? Jackie left.

Oh, man. That's really.. That's a shame.

That's, that's a shame

'cause she's gonna miss my tribute to you.

Excuse me.

Ladies and gentlemen..

I'd like to make a roast to

Mr. Stank Barley.

'Now, listen, listen.'

This man is an all-American.

Which don't really matter 'cause we all Americans.

[chuckles]

No, but seriously

spanky has got some moves

but he ain't gettin' no parts of the scoreboard

with my girl Jackie

'cause she can see through a chump like you

a mile away.

Both of you.

You jock-itchin', wide-receivin'

love to take the snap punk!

[laughs]

Happy Kwanza, creep!

[crash]

Aw, look at that.

'I think he's dead.'

And you know where dead people go.

[instrumental music]

- 'Hey, kid. Get up.' - Mm.

What's that, Jackie?

You got an even smaller bathing suit?

Alright, sleepy, let's go.

Naptime's over.

Ooh, man.

I feel like death.

Well, you came to the right place.

[laughs]

[groans]

Oh, man.

[gasps] What the..

Yo!

Are you the caretaker here?

Uh, no. I'm more like a tenant.

Hey, do you play poker?

We need a fourth.

A fourth? There's only two of us.

Now there's four.

[chuckles softly]

Make it three.

[gate clanks]

[whimpering]

Y'all are dead, aren't you?

"Dead" is so politically incorrect.

We prefer the term "Living impaired."

I know.

It's much nicer. I can live with that.

A-a-am-am I dead?

Well, there's only one way to find out.

Take the wall test.

[laughing]

The living guys always fall for that.

'Come on. Sit down.'

Smoke?

No, no, I don't smoke.

Hey, you shouldn't either, man.

I just gave a health tip to a dead guy.

[sniffs] Somebody's been hitting the vino.

Oh, i-it's tequila.

I-I was just going shot for shot

with this football clown.

Oh, drinking contests are nowheresville.

You want to prove you're a real man, you play chicken.

You know, two guys drive towards a cliff

the first one that stops loses.

That's how I got here.

I won.

I'm sorry. Let's review here.

Ahem, you went flying off a cliff.

The guy who didn't is probably

laying up under your woman right now

and you're stuck here

playing eternal poker with no chips.

Nice going, buddy.

Hey, they called me yellow!

Oh, please, rebel without a clue.

It's kids like you that make me glad I never had children.

So you were married?

Yes, but I was so focused on my career

that my husband left me...I think.

I actually never did have time to read that note.

- So what did you do? - I was in publishing.

Worked with the number-one author.

It's very competitive

but I pushed and pushed until I made it to the top.

[gasps]

[sighs]

I liked being on top.

I was a real winner.

Is winning really worth going to an early grave?

Yeah! You bet it is.

Yeah, I always wanted to be the best.

You know, I never even sat down between rounds.

Yeah, I couldn't wait to get back in there and slug it out.

Let me guess. You died in the ring.

No. During the post-fight interview.

The doctor said the next punch could kill me.

A lucky guess.

You know, if-if you guys don't mind me saying

you all died for some really dumb reasons.

Now, that's where you're wrong.

We may have paid the ultimate price

but at least we had everyone's respect.

Yes, their last respects.

[Billy banging]

Oh, not again.

[sighs]

Yo, Billy!

Go back to your plot!

That damn kid won't stay buried.

I don't have the patience to deal with him.

Would you mind?

Oh...yeah.

Sure-sure.

[Billy banging]

Okay.

[Will chuckles] Hey, Billy?

Who wants to know?

- Oh, my name's Will Smith. - Can you catch?

Oh, yeah. Come on. Let's go. Let's see what you got.

Ohh!

Some arm you got there, kid.

I know. I was going to play shortstop for the Dodgers.

Hey, maybe you still will one day.

Billy..

How did you die?

I was playing ball on the sidewalk.

This car jumped the curb

took me out.

The driver was drunk.

Come on. Let's play.

No. Uh, no, um..

I'm not feeling so good, Billy.

I-I'm going to just chill for a minute.

[instrumental music]

(Carlton) 'Will!'

Will!

Will! Hey, Will!

[groaning]

Hey, hey..

Uncle Phil!

Hey, man.

Uhh, hey, hey.

Hey.

You're little.

[music continues]

Don't worry, Ash. There are plenty of men in the sea.

You mean fish in the sea.

No, I mean men.

Fish don't own yachts.

Look, Ashley, Robert was a jerk for standing you up

but he's gonna be sorry he ever did.

Why do you say that?

Because starting tomorrow, not only am I gonna do

your hair and makeup, but I'm getting you a manicure

pedicure, and a mud bath.

People are gonna think we're twins.

Hilary..

Robert didn't stand me up.

- I canceled our date. - Why?

Look, I appreciate you trying to do all this for me

but it just isn't me.

I mean, I didn't feel comfortable

having Robert see me like that.

I hope you're not mad.

Ashley..

You're my baby sister, and I love you.

There's certainly nothing wrong

with you wanting to look just the way you are.

You're just not gonna do the volume I do.

Ms. Ashley, a young man to see you.

Robert. Oh my God. I look terrible.

Stop!

Thought I could help you babysit.

This is embarrassing.

I'm not really babysitting.

You're not? Then, why did you tell me that--

Look, it's along story.

Tell me about it over some frozen yogurt?

Really?

Let's go.

Well, Ms. Hillary, I guess

beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.

Yeah, right.

[instrumental music]

Oh, man.

How could I make such a mess of this stuff?

Well, not rolling down the window

before you ralphed in the Volvo was a good start.

But why would you even bother competing with a guy like that?

The dude was tryn' to play me, man.

What was I supposed to do?

You could've walked away.

[sigh] Th.. I know.

You know, i-it's like

I was watching myself being stupid

but I couldn't do nothing about it.

Whew. That must be what Chevy Chase felt like.

I can relate.

Remember last Christmas when I had that

second slice of rum cake?

The next thing I knew I was up on the kitchen table

with a lampshade on my head, singing show tunes.

Trust me, I learned my lesson, man.

I ain't never drinking again.

Come on, Will, it's a matter of being responsible

and knowing your limits.

[sighs]

You know, I almost got in my car and drove home tonight.

Well, let's just be glad you didn't.

Well, I got a lot accomplished today, huh?

I lost Jackie, I lost my self-respect

I lost my dinner.

I ain't got nothin' left.

[groans]

Wrong again. Unh..

[music continues]

Ah, um..

I'm-I'm sorry, guys

but..

...I really don't remember

my next line.

[all laughing]

No, I really don't.

Is, uh, winning worth..

Oh, okay. We can just keep going. We can keep going.

We can keep going. Alright.

What?

[laughing]