Original subtitles

(Jackie) 'Will, academic probation is serious.'

'How could you let this happen?'

(Will) It's Professor Burton's fault.

He used to be such a easy grader

until him and his wife got a divorce.

Then he-he became impossible.

The last test he gave, I got a four, and I cheated.

No, this is horrible.

Hey, hey, Professor Burton

I hope that ain't my essay you're reading.

Hey, Will. No, I haven't gotten to yours yet.

I'll finish them tonight..

...right after I move the last of my things out of our..

...hergarage.

Hey, look, well, have mercy on me, man.

You know, I'm-I'm on academic probation.

Now, Will, I like you, but I have to be objective.

When I'm at here the university

I can't afford to let my personal feelings

influence my professional behavior.

I guess I won't be needing that anymore.

Uh, hey, look, man.

Look, I usually keep this on a need-to-know basis

but you look like you really need to know.

Behold, my chicktionary.

- A little black book, huh? - Oh, yes, sir.

What are these letters next to the girls' names?

Oh, those are grades.

There's a lot of F's.

That ain't necessarily a bad thing, you know?

[both chuckling]

What's the "B" mean?

Be prepared for a possible "F."

[both laugh]

[theme song]

♪ Now this is a story all about ♪

♪ How my life got flipped turned upside down ♪

♪ And I'd like to take minute just sit right there ♪

♪ I'll tell you how I became the prince ♪

♪ Of a town called Bel-Air ♪

[instrumental music]

♪In West Philadelphia born and raised ♪

♪ On the playground is where I spent the most of my days ♪

♪ Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool ♪

♪ And all shootin' some b-ball outside of the school ♪

♪ When a couple of guys who were up to no good ♪

♪ Started makin' trouble in my neighborhood ♪

♪ I got in one little fight and my mom got scared and said ♪

♪ You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air ♪

♪ I whistled for a cab and when it came near ♪

♪ The license plate said Fresh and it had dice in the mirror ♪

♪ If anything I can say that this cab was rare ♪

♪ But I thought nah forget it yo homes to Bel-Air ♪

♪ I pulled up to the house about seven or eight ♪

♪ And I yelled to the cabbie yo homes smell ya later ♪

♪ I looked at my kingdom I was finally there ♪

♪ To sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel-Air ♪

[music continues]

(Hilary) Hi, Will.

(Will) 'Oh, hey, look, I'll be right back.'

Oh, and, uh, GGWAB means

Good God What A Booty.

- Hil, what are you doing here? - I need to switch cars.

Carlton said you have the keys.

Oh, yeah, cool. What's wrong with your car?

I'm going shoe shopping, I need the wagon. Bye.

- Who is that? - Hilary? Oh, that's my cousin.

Well, is she involved with anyone?

Mostly just herself.

Oh, you-you know, she-she-she was just telling me today

how much she could really use a man in her life.

And you..

Well, you a man.

Oh, good. Check it out. I got an idea.

Why don't you come over our house tonight, right?

And I'll introduce y'all.

Will, I really appreciate this.

A woman like her could really lift my spirits.

[laughs]

Maybe she could do the same for my grade.

(Philip) Hey, everybody.

I just bought Nicky a brand new crib.

Oh, "The Crib Chalet has over 100 features

"including automatic guardrail-extension

"infrared climb-out sensors and a built-in busy box.

Some assembly required."

Oh, no.

Carlton, my boy, go put on your work clothes.

[sighs] Help me.

I'm not gonna miss a minute of this.

Here, darling.

Philip, I know what's gonna happen.

Carlton's gonna start in on your nerves

and you're gonna end up at his throat.

Oh, nonsense.

This is a perfect time for a father and son

to spend some quality time together.

Geoffrey, go fetch my tools.

You mean your knife and fork?

[instrumental music]

Hey, Hil, you got a second?

- Sure. - Alright.

"Sweet Savage Lust." Huh. One of the classics, huh?

It's about this rich, beautiful girl

who loses her lover in a terrible accident

and spends her nights alone mourning his death.

[laughs]

Where do they get these stories?

Hey, look, Hil..

...you know, Trevor's been gone for months now.

- D-don't you miss dating? - Yeah.

At first, I felt guilty for wanting to.

But I think if Trevor were still alive

he'd want me to see other guys.

Exactly. Um, hey, wait right here.

What are you doing?

Hilary Banks. Scott Burton.

"When a man is in love

"he endures more than at other times.

He submits...to everything."

Ah-hoo-hoo-ho!

Boy, don't make me have to turn the hose on y'all two.

- Will. - Yeah?

What's going on here?

Well, H-Hil, I-I figured

that y'all might have something in common.

I-I'm saying, he-he's an English professor

and-and-and, and-and you speak some English.

Look, Steve..

- Scott. - Whatever.

- I'm really sorry. - N-no, I-I'm sorry.

I was just so struck by your beauty today, I had to meet you.

I'm terrible at this kind of thing.

Oh, you're not terrible.

[laughs]

Shields are down, Scotty. Fire!

I know this is last minute, but an artist friend of mine

gave me some tickets to a gallery opening in Venice.

Oh, that's very nice, Scott, but don't you think

Italy is more of a second date kind of thing?

No, I mean, Venice Beach.

Well, it sounds like fun.

- Do I have time to change? - Well, if you like.

But "True loveliness needs not the foreign aid of ornament."

Well, duh.

Ah, hold up, man, there's no tag on this.

I need a price check on a Peacock athletic supporter.

Size small.

Never mind.

- Will. - 'Oh, hey.'

I had the best time with Hilary.

Cannot wait to see her again.

Alright, man.

Oh, and, uh, by the way. I graded your essay this morning.

The whole class did rather well

but you, my friend, got a B plus.

Yes. I got a B plus.

I'm Will, call me.

I also spoke with your counselor

and, uh, he's agreed to take you off academic probation

provided you do well on my midterm Friday.

Hey, thanks a lot, man.

Oh, but a big midterm on Friday means

you're gonna have to spend all weekend grading papers.

I'll, uh, make the test one question, open book.

Welcome to the family, man.

[laughing] Woo!

Alright.

Hey, you-you know what? Allow me.

[imitates Jackie] Will, you should beashamed of yourself.

Hey, Jackie, I can explain.

[imitates Jackie] Explain what?

How you'reusingyour cousin

just to get yourself a good grade?

Hey, look, Jackie, it ain't like that.

[imitates Jackie] I know you, Will.

But I still burn with desire for you, baby.

[imitates Will] Yo, Jackie. I'm just looking out for number one.

You know what I'm saying? You know, you know.

♪ Bang bang bang bang bang ♪

♪ Bang bang ♪♪

[instrumental music]

Look, I-I don't know who you've been talking to, Rhetta.

But no, I don't be giving my dates grades.

Well, I'm-I'm saying, so-so-so..

Are-are we gonna kick it tomorrow night or what?

I don't know, you know, do a little

somethin'-somethin', you know, who knows?

Are you good with that?

Alright, I'll see you tomorrow night then.

Aha! Ha-ha.

Rhetta, B.

Ah..

I heard somebody made aloveconnection.

So, tell me about your date.

I have to admit it, Will, you were right.

I had fun last night.

Oh, well, trust me, you got dude flipping.

[sighs] I like him too.

Hey, look, as long as you're goin' out

with Professor Burton, I am A-okay.

Oh, well, then that sort of presents a little problem.

Why, what's up?

Because I amnevergoing to see him again.

[instrumental music]

Wait, whoa-whoa, wait, whoa, whoa-whoa-whoa.

What do you-what do you, what do you mean

you're never gonna see him again?

You-you was just saying-saying how dope he was.

He has a mole.

Look, you know, wait a minute.

Listen, I sit in class with this man all day every day

and I ain't ever seen no mole.

Well, I hardly noticed it too.

But as the night went on

it got bigger and bigger

until it was all I could see.

Oh, it was disgusting.

Hey, Hilary, wait a minute, y-you can't just dump this guy

because of a tiny, physical imperfection.

I mean, you ain't perfect yourself, girl.

Oh, stop.

Hilary, listen. Imperfections are what make people special.

Like-like back in Philly, a big butt on a sister

was considered a thing of beauty.

You know, the more back baby got, the better.

I mean, up to a point.

You know, then-then, it's just nasty.

But come on, Hil. You-you gotta give this guy another chance.

Telephone, Miss Hilary. A Mr. Scott Burton.

Oh, the mole man. Tell him I moved.

Hilary.

Oh, alright.

Hello, Spot, uh, I mean, Scott.

Oh. Yeah, I had a nice time too.

[laughs]

- Tomorrow night? - Yes, yes.

Um, sure.

Okay. I'll see you then.

Well, I did it. I just hope I don't get nauseous and faint.

Hey, hey, Hil, you know what?

Um, I got a date tomorrow night. Yeah, we could just double.

What's that going to do?

I don't know, maybe take your mind off it.

I'll work mole patrol.

Oh. Thanks, Will, that's great. You're the best.

I'll call Scott and tell him.

Oh, uh, where are we going anyway?

The opera.

[instrumental music]

Dad, we started this three days ago and there's no end in sight.

Let's pay someone to finish the job.

Am I keeping you from something more important?

As a matter of fact, yes.

I've got midterms and eventually I'd like to move out

get a full-time job and start a family.

And when you do, I will help you

build one of these for your child.

No, you won't, because I'll be smart enough

to pay someone to do it for me.

And just how are you gonna do thatwithout a trust fund!

Game, set, match.

Now, stop whining. What's next?

"Locate the red linchpin."

Oh, got it.

"But do not remove it."

[crying]

[instrumental music]

(Rhetta) Will, the lobster was superb.

Yeah, they gypped us, though. They only gave us the tails.

Hilary, I, uh, got the feeling at dinner

that your attention was somewhere else.

Why would you think that?

This is our box.

What is the matter with you?

You are making a mountain out of a mole, Hil.

The mole, I'm over that.

Oh. Well, then, what's the problem?

Did you see how huge his Adam's apple is?

- Ew! - I don't believe this.

Every time he chewed, it kept bouncing up and down

and up and down.

I mean, what's in there, a basketball?

Shh!

I can't look at him anymore.

- I have to get out of here. - Hil-Hilary.

Listen, that is not a mole

or an Adam's apple that you're seeing.

It's Trevor.

You're telling me

that Trevor was reincarnated in Scott's throat?

No, look, Hil, what I'm trying to say

is that you miss Trevor so much

something inside of you won't let go of him.

If you walk out on Scott now

this could haunt you for the rest of your life.

What do you mean?

Well, you might never go out again.

You'll become one of them crazy old women

who walk around all day long with a shower cap on..

...and with-with an old raggedy halter-top that say "Jam."

And then you-and then you gonna start wearing

rhinestone gauchos.

And then, just for no reason, you'll say

"Dum-dum-dee-day."

Then you-you'll be eating neck-bone sandwiches

all the time and-and screaming at your little

imaginary dog, Brutus.

And you know what the worst part is?

What?

The only man you're gonna be able to get

is some fool named Grady..

...who be smelling like menthol all the time

and falling asleep in his soup.

Oh, God, I hate soup.

Then you march through those curtains

and you look his throat in the face!

[instrumental music]

- Everything alright? - Oh, yeah, yeah.

Everything's fine. Hey, did we miss the national anthem?

[all laugh]

Some fool named Grady.

[woman singing opera]

- Yo. - Is, uh, Hilary okay?

It seems like something's bothering her.

Oh, no, no, no, no. E-e-everything's cool, man.

Hey, you wouldn't happen to have

a turtleneck out in your car, would you?

We are trying to enjoy the opera.

I know, it's hard, ain't it?

[singing continues]

His neck is blocking my view.

[exhales] It's like watching a snake digest a rabbit.

Hilary.

Listen, it is all in your head.

- It's all in his throat. - Shh.

Young man.

Did you see "Throw Momma From The Train?"

[clears throat]

Yuck.

I can't stand it. Scott is making me sick.

Thank you for a wonderful evening.

My-my uncle's got her on this crazy curfew thing, man.

Hilary, listen, I am begging you.

Please go back in there and apologize to him.

It's very sweet of you to worry about me, Will

but I'm gonna be just fine.

W-wait, Hilary, listen, um..

Look, i-if you leave now, I might get kicked out of school.

What?

Well, see, Professor Burton broke up with his wife

and, and, you know, he was grading really difficult.

So, you know, I figured if he was a little happier, then--

So you've just been using me to get a good grade?

No, not at all. A little.

- Oh, God. - Wait. Hilary. Hil..

Hey, look, Pavarotti, go in there

and tell my date I'll be back in a minute, alright?

Ladies and gentlemen, Le Crib Chalet.

[Vivian gasping]

Honey.

I owe you an apology, honey.

Not only did you do a great job

but you did it together with Carlton.

Mom, do me a favor.

Don't have anymore babies.

Hey, dad. Did you see this report in Consumer Magazine?

It says that the Crib Chalet

is the most dangerous crib on the market.

What are you talking about?

Well, according to this, the crib malfunctioned

and an infant was tossed 50 feet in the air.

We can beat that.

Geoffrey.

Well-well-well, that was just one crib.

Well, the same thing happened to twins in Nova Scotia--

Sweetheart, why don't you go read a Archie comic book

or something.

Philip, the important thing is that you and your son

spent some quality time together.

You should be proud of what you built.

Even if it is a deathtrap.

You are just jealous because you don't have son like Carlton

to build something with.

Yes, sir, that must be it.

[Philip scoffs]

Look, it's a bird, it's a plane.

It's Master Nicky.

[instrumental music]

Hilary.

Tonight, I hurt somebody that I really care about.

What about me, Will?

- I meant you. - Oh.

Thank you.

- But you were right. - I was?

Scott is the first guy since Trevor that I really liked

and I guess I got scared and I had to find

something wrong with him.

And that Adam's apple thing was the best you could do, huh?

Well, I never had much of an imagination.

And when I was a little girl, I never had any imaginary friends.

I just used to play with Carlton's.

And God, they were such dweebs.

You really miss Trevor, don't you?

I know it sounds dumb, but sometimes I feel

like we're still engaged.

I mean, he died so suddenly

and I never had a chance to say goodbye.

Well, you know, it's never too late.

Alright.

[sighs] I-I gotta go study

for the massacre at little big mole.

Look, Hil, I'm sorry, alright?

Goodnight.

Goodnight, Will.

[sighs]

Goodbye, Trevor.

[instrumental music]

(male narrator) Will Smith studied all night and passed his English midterm.

One week later, he was taken off academic probation.

Two weeks later, he was put back on.

Professor Scott Burton began dating Rhetta.

Shortly after, her parents demanded

he be removed from the college.

Hilary Banks is currently dating.

She remembers nothing.

Baby Nicky only made it to 42 feet.

[instrumental music]

And then, just for no reason, you'll say "Dum-dum-dee-day."

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

(Hilary) That is insane. I don't know what he's gonna say.