Original subtitles

Jackie, now how you gonna play me?

Eh, you left me in charge here.

How come you can't trust me?

Because I grew up with you.

Now, did you do everything on my list?

Well, yeah, Miss Daisy.

I cleaned the windows. I cleaned the floor.

I even cleaned the ceiling.

Hey, look, you are talking to one tired freshman here

Miss Boss Lady.

- 'Well, I am impressed.' - As well you should be.

Shame on you not trusting me.

Now, you kick butt in that game, alright?

- Alright, bye. - 'Bye, bye.'

Hey. Good job, Harold.

Hey, you know, Agnes, I don't know

why your daughter doesn't call you.

Hey. Break time's over, Sol.

[theme song]

♪ Now, this is a story all about how ♪

♪ My life got flipped turned upside-down ♪

♪ And I'd like to take a minute just sit right there ♪

♪ I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town ♪

♪ Called Bel-Air ♪

♪ In west Philadelphia born and raised ♪

♪ On the playground is where I spent most of my days ♪

♪ Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool ♪

♪ And all shootin' some b-ball outside of the school ♪

♪ When a couple of guys who were up to no good ♪

♪ Started makin' trouble in my neighborhood ♪

♪ I got in one little fight and my mom got scared and said ♪

♪ You're moving with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air ♪

♪ I whistled for a cab and when it came near ♪

♪ The license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror ♪

♪ If anything I can say that this cab was rare ♪

♪ But I thought nah forget it yo homes to Bel-Air ♪

♪ I pulled up to a house about seven or eight ♪

♪ And I yelled to the cabbie yo homes smell you later ♪

♪ I looked at my kingdom I was finally there ♪

♪ To sit on my throne as the prince of Bel-Air ♪

Look, sweetheart, you can't

spend every moment with Nicky.

Look, you have to get over this separation anxiety.

You went through the same thing with Carlton.

Yes, and look at how well he turned out.

You must be very proud.

Vivian, sweetheart..

...I love you and I miss you.

And that's why we're going to have

lunch this afternoon at La Teau.

Oh, I'd love to, honey.

But I don't think Nicky is ready

for restaurants yet.

I was talking about us, Vivian.

We're going to kiss.

We're going to have a romantic

baby-free good time.

Uncle Phil, I think you should be more concerned

with a cholesterol-free good time.

And one of you will babysit.

Big poopy.

What did you say?

Oh, I, I said, uh "Beg, puppy"

to my pretend dog, Ernie.

Fetch, Ernie.

He's gone now.

Philip, honey, can I speak to you a minute, please?

Uh, is this a good idea, honey?

Do you think we can rely on

them to take care of the B-A-B-Y?

Who's Bobby?

The baby.

Mom, his name is Nicky.

- I'm staying home. - Come on, come on, Vivian.

Geoffrey will take care of the baby. Come on, let's go.

You only have four and a half hours to say goodbye.

Not to worry, madam, I'll care for the child

as though he were my very own.

We'll draw straws for the little bugger.

Short one loses.

Oh, that would be you, Carlton.

Hardy-har-har, but I've got a class.

Oh,well, wait a minute, I've got a job.

- I've got a match. - Oh, I've got..

A date with Mr. Stinky!

Two cappuccinos, please.

Mmm, well, I'm hoping you like it

dark, hot, sweet..

...and, uh, with a spoon in it.

Could you hurry it up, please?

I told that guy over there, I'd buy him some coffee.

Poor Todd, trying to raise his baby all alone

hold down a job and go to school.

I think it's just adorable.

You do? I'm the same, baby.

I mean, I'm holding down a job and going to school.

About that baby part, if you ain't doing nothing later, I'm..

Will, you've gotta help me, I took Nicky shopping

but I can't try anything on.

I mean, he just lies there

watching me get undressed and

making these tiny little drool bubbles and..

He reminds me of Trevor.

- So you take him. - Well, whoa, hold up, girl.

I'm working this place by myself.

Jackie's at an away game.

And I ain't got no time for no

"Give me my bottle and change my didy.

Wipe my booty."

Oh, Will, your little boy is just adorable.

Well, like padre, like Nino

you know what I'm saying?

Alright, break it up.

Move on. Nothing to see here.

Show's over. Beat it!

- Hi. - Hi, hey.

I'm Candace.

Could I get a picture of you and your son together?

Oh, yeah, sure.

How do you manage being a single father?

Doesn't it get lonely?

Well..

You know, the nights is kind of bad.

You know, 'cause I have to be both mommy and daddy

to little Willie Junior here since..

...since Tirisha died.

That's it. I'm not gonna stand here another minute and listen--

Hey! Isn't that who played Greg Brady?

Where? Hey, Greg, wait up!

You are quite a guy, Will.

Just tell me everything about you.

You mean, you want to be our friend?

Yeah.

Hey, little Willie

we made a new friend.

And she can sleep over any time she wants to.

[instrumental music]

Hi, honey, your dad and I just had the most romantic lunch.

Romantic?

I don't mean to be critical, Vivian

but you did mention the baby, what..

...three or four dozen times?

But it was so romantic when you asked

that strolling violinist to play my favorite song.

Yes. And what did you request?

"The Wheels On The Bus Go Round And Round."

♪ Go Round and Round the Wheels on the Bus go Round and Round ♪

Vivian, we used to go to a restaurant

and not even be able to make it to the table.

You remember the cloakroom at Mario's Peruvian?

Excuse me, but when did I get old enough to hear this? Ah!

Excuse me.

- Geoffrey, where's the baby? - The baby?

Ah! the baby.

Um, actually, Miss Hilary insisted

on taking him out for the afternoon.

And since the poor girl's still so depressed about Trevor

I hadn't the heart to refuse.

Hi, everybody.

Geoffrey, could you give me a hand?

I left the most important thing in the car.

Hilary. You left the baby alone in the car?

Mother, I would never do that.

How irresponsible do you think I am?

- Well, then where's the baby? - I don't know.

Mom, you have to see these earrings I bought.

The little diamonds spell out--

- Hilary! - Ah! How did you know?

- Hey, hey, hey. - My baby, come to mommy.

Oh, coming, mommy.

Well, wait a minute, Will.

How did you get hold of the baby?

Wasn't Hilary supposed to watch him?

- Hilary? - What?

Oh, God, it's not like, I left him at Sizzler..

...Dad.

[sighs] Last time I do you people any favors.

Don't worry, Nicky, mommy's got you now.

♪ The wheels on the bus go round and round.. ♪

I guess the only way I'm gonna get any attention around here

is if I start wearing diapers.

No, Uncle Phil, you got at least five years

before you need them.

Vivian.

Will, after what you did today, I don't even know

how you could look me in the eye.

Hmm, easy, like this.

Look, I won't let you use Nicky for evil anymore.

Next time I'm going to the authorities.

Thanks for the warning, Captain Weenie.

[instrumental music]

- Will Smith? - Yeah.

Well, hello.

Buy you lunch today, daddy?

Yeah, sure.

Man, this is an embarrassment of riches.

But what about me?

Oh, you just an embarrassment, man.

- Hi, guys. - Hey, Jackie, what's up?

Let me get that for you. How was the game?

- We won. - Ta-da.

So, uh, what's been going on here?

Anything unusual?

No, no, actually, it's been pretty quiet.

Oh, good, cool.

So, uh, before I forget

would you sign the school paper for me?

Right here next to your picture.

Oh, yeah, sure, I don't see why enh..

No!

[baby crying]

Oh, boy, are you in trouble.

And I'd like to say, "Hey, I'm here for you."

But, heck, I'd be lying.

Look, it's just this little blurb

in some dumb school newspaper!

Freeze.

Don't be coming over here with no attitude.

This ain't my fault.

- Oh, whose was it then? - Well, yours.

- What? - You heard me.

I'm saying, you know I can't be trusted.

You wouldn't have left me here alone

none of this mess would ever happen.

That's it, I didn't come all the way here from Philly

to hear this..

I am tired! Get out of my face!

Don't be all up in my grill! Excuse me.

Oh, you need to shut.. I'm out of here!

Excuse me, excuse me! You know what?

- You ain't never gonna change! - Never gonna change!

(both) I'm getting the last word! Oh, no, you're not!

- Oh, yes, I am! - Oh, yes, I am!

- Damn! - Damn!

- Will, hi. - What? W.. Oh.

Hey, how are you doing? That's right.

A beautiful woman here to see me!

Oh, I guess I should've told you I'm on the school paper.

- I hope you're not mad. - Mad? No, I ain't mad.

- Then why are you yelling? - I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I got..

I got a slight hearing problem.

Deficiency, you know, from my night job

at the target range.

Oh, you poor thing.

Listen, I got a class now.

But could you meet me here tomorrow morning

say, around 9 o'clock?

- Oh, yeah, sure. - Cool.

'Cause I'd love to see that sweet baby again.

Huh? Oh! Oh. Uh..

I think he has plans.

Oh, well, that's too bad 'cause I was thinking

maybe the three of us could do something

really special together.

And then while he's taking his little nappy, who knows?

Well, he just a baby. How important could his plans be?

- You're so cute. - I know, I know, ain't I?

Okay, so I'll meet you here at 9 o'clock

and you won't be sorry.

Oh, I know I won't be sorry..

...'cause I got me a woman!

All I need is me a baby.

[instrumental music]

- Hi, baby. - Hello, dear.

- Are you talking to me? - Of course I am.

I know I've been ignoring you lately.

So would you let me make it up to you?

Maybe.

Oh, alright.

I've seen you both naked anyway.

Sweetheart, I have rented us a suite

at the Bel-Air Hotel for tonight.

Now, Carlton is gonna take care of Nicky..

...so I can take care of you.

Alright, that's it.

That's it. I'm tired of this.

Y'all two need some time alone, okay?

You gonna leave Nicky here.

You gonna go get a fly hotel suite.

And you gonna chill and you ain't coming back

here till tomorrow afternoon.

Come on, let's go pack.

Oh, Philip, this is so wonderful.

I have been working so hard

taking care of the baby night and day.

Yes, well, you just lay back and relax

and let daddy take care of you.

Dim the lights, Vivian.

[instrumental music]

Yes, baby.

[exhales]

You know, sweetheart.

For the longest time, I've had the feeling

that the fire in our marriage had gone out.

But now I know..

...that the flame still burns.

Can't get enough of your love, baby.

[snoring]

Vivian?

Vivian!

[snoring]

Vivian.

[instrumental music]

Okay, look, Nicky, this is very important.

Come on, repeat after me

"Da Da?"

Oh, man.

Oh, hey, sorry, my man, it's only 9 o'clock.

Place doesn't open up till 10.

Oh, oh, I'm sorry.

I, uh, kind of lost track of time since I pawned my watch.

No, heck, I-I don't need to bother you with my problems.

No, hey, hold up, man, it's cool.

Here, have a seat right here.

There you go.

Got a little something for you on the house.

- Thank you. - Hey, least I can do, man.

You're my inspiration.

A-ha! Caught you.

Oh, no, it's Captain Weenie and his bag of tricks.

You're despicable.

I went to check up on my little brother this morning

and what did I find?

A zucchini. A zucchini, Will.

Well, I've had enough of your twisted charade.

- Hey, man, what are you doing? - Taking you down, mister.

I'm calling mom and dad at the Bel-Air Hotel.

You got change for a dollar?

Oh, no, see, you gotta buy something.

Okay, um, give me a pack of gum.

Sorry, we're closed.

Well, there's a world of change out there, mister..

...and I'm gonna find it.

Good morning, Will. I'm so glad you could make it.

And little Willie too.

Yeah, we came here straight from church.

Uh, what's up with that special somethin'-somethin'

you promised me?

- Okay, close your eyes. - Okay.

Now, I knew you wouldn't agree to this

if I hadn't kept it a surprise.

A surprise? What you talking about?

- Surprise! - Hey, man.

Will Smith, you are live here on "The Hart File Show."

I'm your host, Jake Maxwell.

And this is ULA's Father Of The Year.

Guess you're pretty excited, huh, Will?

Sorry, we're closed.

Be open at 10:00.

[instrumental music]

[moans]

Yeah, you better wake up, Vivian.

Olive Oyl is looking awfully good right now.

Oh, sweetie, I am sorry I fell asleep last night.

But guess what? I'm wide awake now.

Quit it, quit it. I am not in the mood.

Just move. You're blocking Bluto.

I'm gonna go freshen up.

Why don't you turn on some more of that music.

Oh, yeah, right.

(man on TV) Will Smith, what's it like being a single father here in LA?

Oh, you know, I'm saying, you know, it ain 't easy.

You know, you know, being a single father like me.

But, uh, little Willie, Will-Willie Junior here

makes everything worthwhile.

- Did you see my.. - Let's dance, Vivian, huh?

Oh, Philip, what in the world..

Nothing. Nothing.

That's my baby.

That's my zucchini.

Daddy Will, "The Hart File"

wants to make your life a little easier.

So here's a year's supply of baby products for your son.

Oh, this is ridiculous. What does he know about babies?

This is his idea of a baby.

Get that fruitcake out of here.

Hey!

Listen, I don't deserve all this stuff.

That's right, young fella, you deserve a whole lot more.

So how's about a holiday in Hawaii?

Oh, look, I can't.. I'm sorry, did you say Hawaii?

Will, if it's not too painful

could you tell the folks at home

a little bit about Tirisha?

Who?

Tirisha, your son's mother.

Oh!

That Tirisha. Yes, uh, she's dead now.

Um, I-I met her after I got back

from, um, from fighting them oil fires, uh, in Kuwait.

You know, and my hair, my eyebrows and everything

had just started growing back.

And, um, General Powell said to me, he said

"Yo, homey, you need to get down with a little R and R

'cause you're looking a little singed." you know?

So, um, in China.. He sent me to China.

And then that's where we met.

It was in a, a little-known province, uh, called..

...uh, Rae Dawn Chong.

And..

Well,sayonara.

Come on, Will, could you tell us more of your touching story?

[baby crying]

I'll just take him out.

But, no, no. Hold, hold up a second, man.

Um..

Uh, look, by a show of hands here

how many of y'all got a sense of humor, huh?

Huh?

[mumbling]

Alright, look, I ain't no father of the year.

Um..

I'm not even a father.

I made all of this stuff up.

I'm-I'm kind of good at that.

This is my cousin Nicky.

And I don't deserve all these gifts.

Oh, but this dude here, this guy here, I mean..

He-he's the real single father with the real problems.

- I.. Give him all the stuff. - Hawaii too?

No, homey, I thought I'd hang on to Hawaii, you know..

Hawaii too.

And that's another heartwarming moment from..

"...The Hart File."

Are we off? Somebody get me a drink.

You creep.

Just wait till you see what I write about you

in tomorrow's paper.

But, baby, I..

See?

I can tell the truth.

I'm saying, you know

maybe there's a little hope for me yet?

Very little.

Will, I'm out of here.

I just wanna say thank you one more time.

Hey, no problem, man.

Hey, you know, it actually makes me feel good

to do something for somebody who really needed it.

And I was starting to feel a lil' stank

you know, claiming that as my baby and everything.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

See, um..

...this ain't my kid either.

Aloha.

Oh, see, that's so wrong.

You know, Will, if you had pulled a stunt like this

when you were in high school..

...God knows what I would've done.

Why, I might've done something like this..

[Will screams]

[instrumental music]

I went to check on my little brother

and you know what I found?

A zucchi.. A zucchini.

What? Oh, um.. What? I'm sorry, I didn't hear what you found.

A zucchini, Will.

Oh!

(male #1) 'Good luck, Captain Weenie.'