Original subtitles

[Music]

the cold gate come

hour starring Dean Martin and Jerry

Lewis presented by the Colgate pom of

Pete company makers of Halo shampoo

[Music]

K Dental

cream Fab the new wash day

Suns and palm oliv so

lean Martin and Jerry Lewis company with

Dorothy

Dandridge and Danny Arnold Bob and Eddie

Mayo Donald McBride and Marian Marshall

for the courtesy of Hal Wallace musical

Direction by dick seil written by Ed

Simmons and Norman

Lear par director

fman choreography by Bob and Eddie

Mayo NBC production supervisor Sam

Fuller

produced and directed by Ernest D

[Music]

Gutman ladies and gentlemen I'm sure we

all realize the debt of gratitude we owe

to Dr SS for his donation of this

pricelessly historic yes indeed however

there has been a rumor that Dr s's

Discovery is not authentic now please

remain I just Dr s would you object if

we had this fossil inspected by

independent experts I would not good I

have invited two of the world's leading

archaeological authorities to inspect

our specimen and here they are those

great scientists Dean Martin and Terry

Lewis

nice to see you all come on no children

allowed get out of

there Mr Le this is Dr Sil Dr s Dr Z

well have to bring a note from his part

get out of there enough of thisy please

examine the uh the dinosaurus well

dinosaurus you we're going to have s if

we don't hry listen how old is this C

right here over 14 million years old

well can you all prove it why yes by the

fossilization of the bone the filiz

ation of your brains we're not

interested where's the bre certificate

show us we have to examine this thing

look out of the way now look at this

this thing comes

apart at

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[Applause]

I thing was no good it was

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dead is that funny

Dean what you did I knocked the whole

thing down everything you knocked down

anytime I ever did that on any of the

shows you always got mad and you yelled

at me not now

no why' you do it

why well it was an accident I didn't

mean to harm by it I thought you were

laughing and we were going to be

friendly like always but G will

linkers K Willington yeah don't say

anymore introduce my first song oh No if

you're mad at me I don't want to have

Mo's mad I don't

know just introduce my song well no if

you're mad at me I don't have introduce

the song I keep your hand yourself

because I got rough with you Rocky don't

fool with me I don't have to introduce

your song If I don't you don't want to

Oh I thought you going to hit me in a

nil I I'm not going to introduce you if

I don't want no I don't want it if I

don't

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want put the lights on I didn't say

nothing though you

didn't you ruined the whole side the bo

suit look it's all bleeding oh listen I

got to tell you one thing before I

introduce de song we have two wonderful

fans in New York we have little Slugger

Wilson he's ear what happened to the

camera oh he's ear wil son and I said I

would say hello to him and to Richie

Maro a 10-year-old boy is celebrating

his birthday I promised that Dean and I

would wave to him so to you

Richie I would like to very much

introduce my song that my my my partner

song I'm a little nervous and my tongue

gotten away and my eyes tooth and I

couldn't see what I was

saying come in Tracy I can hear you all

right

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so anyhow uh I would like to uh which

camera you're all moving

around everybody's so

confused well anyhow I'm going need doce

my part come back here you got no gut

you're running

away I'm going to introduce my partner

song and this is a young man I'm very

proud of presentent which side do I go

over here oh all right everybody is so

nervous R your teeth with ax anyhow

I I I would like very much to introduce

my partner sing a very beautiful tune

it's one of his latest recordings and uh

he records on the sides of per Como's

records so

uh

boy am I in the dog housee well I can't

help it Jack then why are you leading me

at dog's

life I'm sorry Jack your dentist is the

one to answer that oh gone she's right

the trouble with Jack was unpleasing

breath Colgate Dental cream cleans your

breath while it cleans your teeth

scientific tests prove that in seven out

of 10 cases col Gates instantly stops

unpleasing breath that originates in the

mouth and brushing teeth right after

eating with Colgate Dental cream stops

tooth decay best Dental research shows

that the Colgate way stopped more Decay

for more people than ever before

reported in D for history no other

toothpaste or powder ammoniated or not

offers such conclusive proof well now I

have my dogghouse back cuz col Gates

fixed up things for

Jack your teeth

with clean your breath water toothpaste

clean your teeth Cate toothpaste clean

your breath water Toth

CLE your

teeth remember always use Colgate Dental

cream to clean your breath while you

clean your teeth and help stop tooth

[Music]

decay ladies and gentlemen this is Jimmy

Wallington

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Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis were not

always stars of the Colgate Comedy Hour

in their early days as a team they knew

much

hardship tonight we'd like to take you

back to

1945 when the boys were green and the

pickings were lean they haven't worked

in weeks they haven't eaten in

days as we see them now they are just

about to enter another agency let's see

how they make up

Murray's booking

agency no I'm sorry we have nothing

today oh I'm awful hungry de I'm awful

hungry I'm hungry too geie well we got

to get some work I'm awful hungry well

we got to get some work to buy too yeah

but we've been to 30 of these ages I

don't want to go well make that's the

last one maybe we'll get some work in

here H I don't think show but let's try

come on S all right hello here we

are dances and funny pattern that's fine

fellas but we have nothing for team

we're not a team we work

together we work together get a loaded

in here we are

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I don't think she likes it was very nice

fellas but we have nothing for you let

you Dy I told

you food food food

food may just a little no

just what your go you

now uh what did you say you did what

kind of well I dance with my partner we

do jokes a come on I'm

hungry H you say you want an act right

away I'll see what I can do you and me

you and me you and me ventriloquist you

and me man no we sing and we dance we're

a team he wants a ventriloquist that's

the guy and he uses oh

no not me no I'm not going to do it no

forget it I'm not going

[Music]

to I haven't overheard that you needed

the dummy andent I'm the vent Mar's name

and here's de Martin jerky well that's a

coincidence say you might be just the

man I want yeah come in the office crazy

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oh well that's certainly a pretty big

dummy yeah you can know how big a dummy

he

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is now what this hey did you take a bath

this morning why is there one missing

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well you'll never get anywhere with that

thing why not yeah you've got to get

something that looks

human keep spping out I'm sorry you know

human look at that genuine hair wash his

head

look huh that's pretty good yeah do you

mind see my

[Music]

guess have to be so real about it I

don't want to do this I don't want to do

it no I don't want I got a

match what' you say a match oh sure I

got a match want a like

[Music]

I've only got a little time let me see

what you can do

okay what's your name

over R uhhuh that's a funny name for a

dummy dad wanted a cop

spanel oh you no good

you well let me see now uh uh old are

you 6 years old 6 years old well you're

pretty big to be 6 years old mother

wanted a California

[Music]

Redwood hey look I've only got a little

while in fact my lunch is right now lch

lunch lch

lunch minute this is Sensational why

didn't you tell me before you can do two

voices at oh that's nothing we were

working in Boston I'll

never that's terrific yeah I sit down

and have L with me and with talk cont

okay take

my but how do you like that they bring

you to lunch put it down you serve

yourself how about that that's today for

you imagine that not about

this million

I to thank you

CH that's what I like about you you're

always working

yeah now hey you know it's a good thing

that dummy cyat there's only enough for

two

yeah you IM that dummy with a big plate

of food in yeah that's terrific give me

a little piece of food

only tricks sure I can eat and he can

talk at the same time what no I'm not

going to talk give me

something anything happened I was

walking on my way to the restaurant and

get something and eat I was pretty

hungry boy yes sir boy I was pretty

hungry boy no boy I was pretty

[Music]

hungry another trick I can drink a Coke

and make him sing at the same time no

yeah C go ahead I'm not going to do it

without

a the day will never end oh I'm hungry

without how long can it hold a note oh

long as you holding not I'm not holding

nothing I'm

[Music]

hungry

wonderful now look you finish your lunch

I'll have my secretary dra off a

contract take your time Miss Smith if

you will miss Smith if you

will now you wanted to eat go ahead hry

oh I'm so hungry Oh I thought i''d never

leave go ahead oh I'm so hungry watch I

eat you know you haven't eaten in a long

time yeah I know because I'm all will

hurt you in a nice way wait a minute

pick up the knife and fork and eat like

a gent watch your stomach CU you feat no

if you eat

[Music]

I forgot how to eat

already all right Bo eat let let me have

just something D I'm so

hungry you're going to let me

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you crazy

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[Applause]

well here we are all we have to do is

put the name at the bottom of the paper

here all

right are you here's a Hey where's the

dummy oh he took a care I no he does I

don't like to have him around while I'm

doing business you know some good ideas

sure got

[Music]

that what's that I'm doing that I'm

doing what's going on here what are you

trying to put over Mar nothing I'm doing

that I don't think that's a dummy I

think that's human you call it you call

me a liar I'm calling you I think that's

a human being I'll prove it to you prove

it I still think it's human this is not

human it's human look at this huh huh

look at that don't mean anything thing

don't believe it huh Still Human you

want me to prove it prove

[Music]

it let your beauty be seen yes let your

beauty be seen Palm Olive brings out

beauty while it cleans your skin I want

want you to hear the story of a famous

singing star who avoided camera closeup

cuz her skin looked under par her career

was on the Rocks until a girlfriend said

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happily pose anytime and wherever she's

seen on stage or screen she's living

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beauty yes let your beauty be seen Palm

Olive brings out beauty while it cleans

your

[Music]

skin hey hello everybody Halo Halo

shampoo presents the true story of the

Sleeping

[Music]

Beauty Ed what a doll Ed what a mess

what did you do with your hair washed it

washed it with what with this though

that brother don't you know soaping

doll's hair Halo glorifies it let me

demonstrate Halo is not a soap or oily

cream made with a special patented

ingredient Halo can't leave dulling soap

film Halo needs no special rinse leaves

hair fragrant soft and shiny o and Halo

leaves my hair so easy to manage so

don't you be a Sleeping Beauty use Halo

shampoo and find your PR J so Halo

everybody Halo Halo shoo

Halo hi this is mar Lindsay why don't

you follow Sleeping Beauty's advice and

find a prince of your own you see Halo

shampoo glorifies your hair leaves it

soft naturally shiny and so wonderfully

easy to manage next time you buy a

shampoo

remember soaping dull's hair Halo

glorified

[Music]

look KY I run the best prison in this

state and I'm not going to have my

record spoiled now we got to report the

two of our most vicious killers are

starting from tonight and we got to find

out what it is what are you going to do

Warden the District Attorney's Office

sent over a special investigator I'm

going to plant him in that cell he'll

find out what that plan is

Charly is that guy in a convict suit yet

he's all set Warden good put him on I

want to talk to him there he is his name

is plumber listen plumber the da says

you're one of his toughest investigators

that's good you're going into a cell

with a couple of killers now we know

there's something cooking down there

it's up to you to get the dope you got

to be tough and Fairless don't worry

about me Warden I'm so tough I scare

myself

hey professor what time is it uh the

little hands on four and a big hands on

two

7:30 I can't wait till it's midnight hey

yeah we going action at thr

sh

what hey you guys come here where you

are you boys are going to have a little

party here yeah yeah but bring you good

guy he is one of the toughest guys we

ever had up here it's nobody tougher

quiet quiet the now there he is now come

on get your hands off me you cloudy

coppers get your hand

[Music]

me tell Mom about

[Applause]

[Music]

this

hello hello fellow

oh oh

hello H how are you both feeling

haa I must gain their confidence they

must think I'm a

killer I'm a killer

[Music]

[Music]

here

buddy I'm not taking all that nonsense

from you buddy watch your step you'll

get hurt

Buster all right you hey you don't give

me no trouble buddy just watch your step

mind your manners I may be skinny but

I'm

anemic because guys give me a hard time

I felt him see I give a shot like that

and I te ahead and I F ahead and a blood

and a dripping a beding and I Bel him

and Bel

him come on now you listen to me

squirrel head take your hand off me

buster you might get

hurt this cell ain't a big enough for

the tree of us well why doesn't he

leave come here he's overacting this

fell isn't

[Music]

he oh jeez he's a strong fell this

fell

[Music]

go all

right I'm going to miss you yeah get out

of here no I want to stay with you get

out of here no I want to stay with you

fellas

[Music]

now stop this

N Out all right for you I'll go but

you'll be sorry come here Professor I'll

go in this

[Music]

way you get in here I came through the

rck I want to stay with you f you came

through the water never mind I want to

be here with you fellas come on give the

chance a kid give the kid a what I know

it's kid's got guts and if he keeps it

up he's going to see

him come on let me be with you B I like

him let's tell him about the plan but

babbe it's a stool pigeon me a stool

pigeon I don't even like peanut don't

even like

peanut wait a minute I'll find out go

ahead hey you you ever packed a g on

your hip when you C The Heist did I

why did you ever take it on a lamb with

a shamers where had the cocer beside the

[Music]

Creed had lived I don't know where I am

now did I ever take a Crosser on a

shamas with a lamb I had a GRE why I had

a bir Rick and

a we went to the top of the road map we

took a seat cover there and we saw Rocky

and aie they were traveling up the road

coers hemmed in they stopped the rooll

block and Angie got and he said a rocky

give me the money we're on top of the

rooftop and you asked me if the shamas

about a kog on a lamb with a

creas have you well

no come on get to bed cuz it's almost

midnight that's a good idea I'm tired

all

right take me up her bunk all right bunk

[Music]

[Music]

now what was that for some of those

guards are peeping

Tong come on get the back

[Music]

maybe it's

mine get off from

[Music]

me what are you doing down there I was

[Music]

lonesome Lift It Up Lift It

Up My come

on get off of the bed oh my Heavens

you're ruthless

get

off hey what are you doing I'm reading a

funny book hey I like the funny books

read to me about frighty to B frighty to

bitey all

righty right Upon a Time Freddy to

birdie we're taking a little trip all

right you guys lights out lights out

already how can I read about how can I

read about Freddy to buy with all the

Lia B to B was taking a trip with some

of his friends

and what was

that what was that that I saw that's a

first of the tower my heavens look at

the way it illuminates the whole

room bir to birdie and his

bra and

they were having a s CL and F toie all

his

[Music]

friend

[Music]

what I

think that's your put stuff in

your be careful care don't spell it

don't spell it all right you got it

Professor I got it my

crazy aha so that's their

plan fellas you can't do this fellas you

don't know what you're doing get out of

here the warden has a wife and children

dad and your three time losers oh

fellows take heed oh take heed don't do

this thing

[Music]

what hello break like hello what do you

mean coming here like oh boy are we in

trouble these guys W well come

on it's too

late shut we're going to give it to you

now it's midnight yeah we been waai in a

long time a long

time give it to him

now happy birthday

[Music]

F that watch without aach and any other

product with a ble back washer get you

call Brighter you get a clean washed

with

f washer without a bleach did you say

whiter without a

bleach caller to get a clean fa fa wash

is whiter without bleaching wher than

any other washing product known with

bleach in the wash water and I have to

work so hard to get my husband's shirts

white the collars and cuffs special you

owe it yourself to use Fab because Fab

will save you a lot of work no soaking

no bleaching no rinsing as for work

clothes tab gets them cleaner than any

soap gets all the grease in the grime

doesn't leave any soap film in the

hardest water yes I think I'll try a box

the faab right consider make that to bux

yes

ma you'll be glad you tried

Fab how about you I decided to try Fab

and oh what a difference that made for

me on wash day see how white and clean

this shirt is even the collar and the

cup and not a drop of bleach only fair

makes my pretty colored things look so

much brighter too and as for work

clothes they even smell

clean why don't you try Fair it's

wonderful

[Music]

thank

you thank you very much ladies and

gentlemen right now gives me great

pleasure to introduce a young man that

Jerry and I think a lot lot lot of uh we

heard this young man sing he has a very

beautiful operatic voice we know you'll

enjoy him and so all I have to say is

very good friend of mine and Jerry's Mr

Salvador insky

[Music]

my

[Music]

dreams that

[Music]

you my

with

your me

[Music]

burn in hand we'll find PR land there'll

be no one but you

[Music]

if

you will

be

more long

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

every fre

[Music]

there'll be no one but you

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

now where you been Jerry

why do you always do a thing like I

wanted you to hear this I especially

told you to hear oh I heard it on the

monter on the what on the monter that we

watch oh the monitor oh that's the way

you say it yeah that's the only way well

anyhow I wanted to come out and tell you

that it would be nice if we did a a a a

request number a lot of people they

wrote us letters and they said that it

would be nice if we would do a number we

did once before on our show so I said oh

boy well uh what what particular number

you thinking about well why don't we do

that at Round song Trion song that's not

Trion that's our Tron our Tri that's

right I didn't know that in a house well

who requested this I said in a house why

don't we do this number cuz it's a

request well who requested it your

mother my mother so I said all right ma

we'll do it so why don't I leave the

bamby and then sing the second girl and

we should have a jolly

time ladies and gentlemen would like to

do very beautiful little Italian number

from that great Italian opera entitled s

each's own we hope you

enjoy is that

funny is that no

no here we

[Music]

go where

[Music]

play regular play

regular oh a wire for us

oh

[Music]

where where

[Music]

carrying watermelons what is

[Music]

this l

[Applause]

wonderful

L

[Music]

of trying to get a tan oh

T far farar

[Music]

wait you at you got Black Keys here

happens I got Black

Keys you got white keys plentiful

why you playing in the

cracks play on the top of the key skinny

fingers skinny

fingers trouble buddy I get man this

trouble

[Music]

[Music]

buddy way

[Music]

body come on off

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

regular oh

Marie hey

Marie Hiser be

[Music]

day love

[Music]

[Applause]

you last six Bo bring it out we got to

finish with a big finish we got to do a

big finish we're overtime but you just

can't go off unless you do a big finish

hurry up big finish

[Music]

[Applause]

thank you thank you you been wonderful

to us we'd like you to remember don't

forget your contributions to the New

York Hospital you've been wonderful

don't forget Donal Conor next week Don

be we love you good night God

[Applause]

bless the coate Comedy Hour has been

presented by Halo

shampo P

soap Dental

cream and Fa the new wash day Suns

be sure and tune in again next week at

the same time and Donald L Conor will

return to the Colgate Comedy Hour with

the special guests Harper Mar and nand

De

Carlo the following week whatav Lucas

cello will be your stars on the Colgate

Comedy Hour and three weeks from tonight

Eddie caner will be back

again now good night for the Colgate

Comedy Hour which has been presented by

the Colgate p p company makers of

quality products since 1806

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]