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[Music]
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[Music]
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the Colgate comedy
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arm starring Dean Martin and Jerry
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Lewis presented by the Colgate palal of
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Pete company makers
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of Halo shampoo to glorify your
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hair and Ajax the foaming action
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cleanser and now the de Martin and Jerry
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Lewis company with Helen o Connell fan
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Niles and lad lion musical Direction by
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dick steil written by Ed Simmons and
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Norman leer choreography by FIA Niles
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settings by Theodore Cooper NBC
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production supervisor Sam Fuller
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television director Kingman Seymour
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produced and directed by Ernest D
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[Music]
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gutzman Hi H
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pleas fellow members of the cure the
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common coal committee it is with great
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pleasure that I welcome you here
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tonight as you know our organization has
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been active for the past years with but
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one purpose in mind to find a cure for
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that scourge of mankind the common cold
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friends this is our success meeting the
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cure for the common cold has been
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found
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The Cure was discovered by two young men
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from the University of Vienna and they
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are here with us tonight ladies and
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gentlemen the men who have completely
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outwitted Medical Science in the
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discovery of the cure for the common
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cold professors Martin and
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[Music]
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Louis
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ladies and gentlemen I know you're all
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anxious to meet these boys these two
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young gentlemen and here they are well
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we were standing in here you know it
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didn't look for a while like they were
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going to get here I want to happen at
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summer time we were very nervous about
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the whole thing we were sitting in the
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I'm glad to see that they f finally
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right I say that the last year you know
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their being here reminds me of a story
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we don't want to hear I was in Vio
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myself for about 20 years when I was in
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the Vienna I said and I was with another
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group of doctors at the time you see
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yeah funny thing
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happened but I have no more noise
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here thank you very
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much Pi it this way
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when the gold strikes a human
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being it's enough to make someone stick
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is it right that's right
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H we sit in the laboratory night and day
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night and day night and day
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you all right the FR I mean all right
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FR so we figured it you got the V with
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you the test tube I got what you got the
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test tube so we can show them what we
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have accomplished in our voice it took
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us years and years and
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years
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thanks in this test Tu we have
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337,000 cold
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gam that's a lot of germs kid that's a
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lot of GS a
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kid when we discovered the cure for the
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CRI we didn't
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ever
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don't get excited we have the Cure we
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the just kill
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[Music]
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[Music]
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all there you go every time we're on a
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Colgate show we always start start off
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like this and you got to L me up why do
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you do this to me well I didn't want to
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be shut up let me say a couple words
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course say anything you want all I know
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is I didn't want any part of that you
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had a whole brilliant idea don't argue
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with me cuz I don't want to have no part
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of no arguments I don't want any part
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arguments just introduce my song okay
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shley okay
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shelma no never see anything like that
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he makes me do those things and then I
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always get all the blame for it that's
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not fair do you
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think we have a show tonight that we
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figure is probably one of the finest
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things that's ever happened on
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television now I know what I'm talking
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about because I've been in this business
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close to a
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week and you oh and you be would you
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excuse me no I was talking to him and I
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just thought no would you mind excusing
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us for a minute because I was telling no
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if you don't mind I would well I don't
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know which camera is on and oh there you
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are up there haai why don't you get out
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of here you're drunk both of
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you look the way they follow you can't
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do what
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I'm oh they're going mad both of
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them nobody sees what I'm doing at
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home but uh seriously ladies and
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gentlemen we're very very happy to have
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you folks here tonight because we have a
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show that we think is one of the slowest
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moving things
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you the reason I'm laughing is cuz I had
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lived it and I didn't know it was going
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to be
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funny
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anyhow I would like to Hell little there
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I would like don't you take my picture
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without getting permission from me at
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any time
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[Music]
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I walked out of the cameras and they're
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not allowed to turn it around to the
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audience so they were all
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[Music]
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saying I would like to introduce my
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partner ladies and gentlemen who's going
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to sing one of the most beautiful tunes
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of the entire year
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entitled what's he going to sing dick
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would I love you if you like I don't
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mind I
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I'll be all right and uh he does what I
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love you from that wonderful picture
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Lassie bites
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Irma a
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ja Colgate new Ajax cleans your kitchen
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sink far brighter with half the effort
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use Aja the foaming
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cleer get things clean just like a whz
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you stop paying the elbow tax when you
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start cleaning with Ajax so use
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ainger the down
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the Ajax leaves no gritty cleanser scum
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in tub or sink so use Aja the foing
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cleanser get C just like
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a Ajax the new scouring cleanser Foams
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as it cleans Ajax Cuts grease faster
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than any other leading cleanser Ajax
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polishes with half the
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effort and it smells good too
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so
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ax Ajax polishes as it cleans it leaves
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no gritty cleanser scum it cuts grease
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in a jiffy and it has a pleasant
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fragrance get AJ for your bathroom a can
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for the kitchen too Ajax the foaming
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[Music]
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cleanser good morning Stan well good
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morning Mr n say it's beautiful day for
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golf isn't it oh beautiful day for golf
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is my caddy ready yes yes yes all ready
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and waiting Teddy Mr n oh good morning
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Mr n good morning young man are we all
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set everything's all ready sir well
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let's be off ni luck Davis good
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game wow hello
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Stanley how you been to see good to see
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you where in the world have you been oh
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I've been in court
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oh not you know you got a caddy around
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here for me yes yes just F we have a
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caddy somewhere Cy hope it's a good
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caddy oh yeah I like good
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[Music]
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catties when I do a swing you see I take
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I take my full swing and it seems that
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that my hands slip oh no excuse me for
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interrupting there buddy but you see
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you've got to keep this arm up there at
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all times because in order to get that
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clear swing you've got to keep moving
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now keep that arm s his flank
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B he's not well and uh you just swing
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complete through keep the eye on the
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ball follow it through and then swing it
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around get away from me I'm just trying
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to help the you just tore up all the
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gr now look just get my bag get sister
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Martin's bag shut up a minute come on
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let my partner ad live it's not real
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grass all right get the bag oh oh you
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want your bag all right I'll go get
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it now as I was saying Stanley you see
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this grip it slips you I want some
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rubber put around here so that I can
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hold
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[Music]
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the here you're going to make this your
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life's
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work well come on here let me help you
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yeah pretty heavy boy now you take good
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care of
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him wow if that's a caddy I'll take a
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Hudson let's go come on let's
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go all right let me have my
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driver what let me have the driver oh
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excuse me for being impertinent sir but
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I think that you should really use the
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nibbling you use a driver on the first
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po the first
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te well that's probably the way you
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figure it but I use a
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nippet I'll use a driver if you don't
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mind well that's the way you want it
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buddy okay what's your name Melvin well
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Melvin you always
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Melvin you always a driver I use a niick
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myself you just hit the
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trees going to planted them farther
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[Music]
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away why don't we use the why don't we
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move I forget it
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yeah you always use a driver Melvin yeah
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Melvin what a okay
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ni driver
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ni
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driver for the last time always use a
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driver don't ever let me catch you
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saying niick
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again
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what's over there well that's a
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green look at that same thing as over
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there give me another ball yes sir
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boy hey someone stole your ball nobody
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stole my ball I just hit it why were you
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mad at
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it shut up now let's go find yeah let
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go
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no that's not it that's not it well why
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don't you use a new ball sir huh you
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can't you find the ball no you got to
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use this ball that's a Max Fly it's a
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Dunlop Max Fly a Dunlop Max Fly good
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heavens we might as well find
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it you sure you hit it sure I hit did
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you hide it or hit it I hit it see I use
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the word hide and hit at the same time
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get out of here all
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righty hey there it is why you s you
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that's my ball here's your ball Mr
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Martin that's not my ball why was yours
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tan that's my ball give me that I ought
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to poke you right in the nose you keep
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away from me buddy he's probably a cheap
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Tipper right what he
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is I know that I love you more drop my
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caddy come on let me have the seven iron
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the seven iron yes sir yes sir seven
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here baby here baby here sweetheart come
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on darling come here sister come here
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doggy here baby you lost enough the
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sketch hurry up you don't get
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[Music]
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paidy down come
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here the do is supposed to lay down come
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here baby the dog forget the dog forget
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the dog just move back while I hit this
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yeah forget the dog buddy don't get
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excited L up the whole
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00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:36,279
bit doing your stinking
279
00:15:39,490 --> 00:15:42,619
[Music]
280
00:15:47,279 --> 00:15:53,079
ideas you're in a sand trap in a sand
281
00:15:49,959 --> 00:15:53,079
trap well that's the way it
282
00:15:56,199 --> 00:16:01,959
goes give me the nibbling
283
00:16:00,079 --> 00:16:04,880
I knew you'd come around on my way of
284
00:16:01,959 --> 00:16:06,880
thinking I needed for the sand trap yeah
285
00:16:04,880 --> 00:16:10,199
you had your chance buddy but you blew
286
00:16:06,880 --> 00:16:10,199
it give me the
287
00:16:10,440 --> 00:16:13,440
N
288
00:16:19,800 --> 00:16:26,009
okay welcome to
289
00:16:22,950 --> 00:16:26,009
[Music]
290
00:16:27,519 --> 00:16:30,519
Pittsburgh
291
00:16:37,560 --> 00:16:44,600
you don't think I saw him
292
00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:47,839
cheat well what do you know finally made
293
00:16:44,600 --> 00:16:51,920
it pretty good boy yes sir what's par on
294
00:16:47,839 --> 00:16:54,279
this hole oh three sir just made it
295
00:16:51,920 --> 00:16:56,720
three well that's the way I'll have none
296
00:16:54,279 --> 00:16:58,920
of this sir put down three I certainly
297
00:16:56,720 --> 00:17:01,560
will not sir I belong to the cat's
298
00:16:58,920 --> 00:17:03,800
Association and we're known for honesty
299
00:17:01,560 --> 00:17:05,600
for the heart and soul of a dignified
300
00:17:03,800 --> 00:17:07,839
man to go on through life doing the
301
00:17:05,600 --> 00:17:10,039
honest thing never to cheat never to do
302
00:17:07,839 --> 00:17:13,160
the wrong thing and I certainly won't be
303
00:17:10,039 --> 00:17:15,360
any part of any fraud that you want to
304
00:17:13,160 --> 00:17:18,720
be any part
305
00:17:15,360 --> 00:17:22,199
of all right I'll admit I cheated a wee
306
00:17:18,720 --> 00:17:25,039
bit yes sir give me four that's
307
00:17:22,199 --> 00:17:28,720
different Hello darling hello where you
308
00:17:25,039 --> 00:17:30,400
been I thought I'd find you out here he
309
00:17:28,720 --> 00:17:34,679
in a sound trap
310
00:17:30,400 --> 00:17:36,760
again he's in a trap again is he sure
311
00:17:34,679 --> 00:17:41,080
yeah this man oh this is Melvin this is
312
00:17:36,760 --> 00:17:41,080
philli hello Melvin hello
313
00:17:41,559 --> 00:17:47,240
Melvin what is this bit what do you call
314
00:17:44,080 --> 00:17:50,960
this you met me you said Melvin
315
00:17:47,240 --> 00:17:53,600
Melvin and then she says hello Melvin
316
00:17:50,960 --> 00:17:55,080
Melvin now I just what if I said hello
317
00:17:53,600 --> 00:17:57,000
phis
318
00:17:55,080 --> 00:17:58,960
Philly
319
00:17:57,000 --> 00:18:02,799
hello what's wrong with with my name
320
00:17:58,960 --> 00:18:05,799
Melvin m e lb I Melvin
321
00:18:02,799 --> 00:18:05,799
NE
322
00:18:07,799 --> 00:18:12,679
Melvin get off of this I'm not getting
323
00:18:10,840 --> 00:18:15,360
off I work
324
00:18:12,679 --> 00:18:17,679
here I'll give you some of this stop it
325
00:18:15,360 --> 00:18:20,039
he's just a young boy I don't want you
326
00:18:17,679 --> 00:18:22,760
to be cross with him he's a young boy
327
00:18:20,039 --> 00:18:24,720
you want a bet now supposing he'd like
328
00:18:22,760 --> 00:18:27,080
to play golf did you ever think of that
329
00:18:24,720 --> 00:18:29,400
come on Melvin I'll show you how honey
330
00:18:27,080 --> 00:18:31,760
get your hands off me l I don't even
331
00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:31,760
know
332
00:18:31,799 --> 00:18:37,159
you phis this is
333
00:18:34,159 --> 00:18:37,159
Melvin
334
00:18:37,960 --> 00:18:42,280
Melvin well all right you show me how
335
00:18:40,440 --> 00:18:45,400
you'd hit a ball I know how to hit a
336
00:18:42,280 --> 00:18:45,400
ball lady well show
337
00:18:47,150 --> 00:18:54,320
[Music]
338
00:18:50,520 --> 00:18:56,840
me you keep my hands of yourself buddy I
339
00:18:54,320 --> 00:19:00,720
didn't touch you
340
00:18:56,840 --> 00:19:04,440
buer I'm War you I didn't catch you bu
341
00:19:00,720 --> 00:19:04,440
Somebody's knocking the devil out of
342
00:19:05,840 --> 00:19:09,799
me now why don't you stop you don't know
343
00:19:08,200 --> 00:19:12,159
how to play golf I want to show you a
344
00:19:09,799 --> 00:19:13,640
good trick you remember William Tell
345
00:19:12,159 --> 00:19:15,760
sure he used to play with Duke Ellington
346
00:19:13,640 --> 00:19:19,919
didn't he
347
00:19:15,760 --> 00:19:21,960
no no William to happened to shoot an
348
00:19:19,919 --> 00:19:25,320
apple off of somebody's head you're
349
00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:28,640
killing no I'm a tad whats a
350
00:19:25,320 --> 00:19:31,799
Lu I fig I'll do a trick you see I'm
351
00:19:28,640 --> 00:19:35,400
going to shoot a golf ball off of your
352
00:19:31,799 --> 00:19:37,200
head well goodbye here we go oh darling
353
00:19:35,400 --> 00:19:39,520
you think you're sure I it's in the
354
00:19:37,200 --> 00:19:40,679
script I know what I'm doing lay down
355
00:19:39,520 --> 00:19:42,559
yeah but I don't think you know what
356
00:19:40,679 --> 00:19:44,760
you're doing sir I know what I'm doing
357
00:19:42,559 --> 00:19:46,679
sir yeah but I'm not sure sir yeah here
358
00:19:44,760 --> 00:19:51,120
now you hold right I'll just pee it up
359
00:19:46,679 --> 00:19:55,679
right here you hold it there yeah now
360
00:19:51,120 --> 00:19:59,159
I'll get my dver oh I'm very scared I
361
00:19:55,679 --> 00:20:00,960
don't mind telling you oh you all right
362
00:19:59,159 --> 00:20:05,559
there's one of my better
363
00:20:00,960 --> 00:20:05,559
trcks all right now ready here we
364
00:20:08,919 --> 00:20:12,679
go give me my
365
00:20:19,320 --> 00:20:26,279
ball give me my ball
366
00:20:23,200 --> 00:20:26,279
[Music]
367
00:20:27,159 --> 00:20:30,159
Melvin
368
00:20:42,120 --> 00:20:44,360
all
369
00:20:45,490 --> 00:20:49,720
[Music]
370
00:20:46,880 --> 00:20:53,039
right how do you
371
00:20:49,720 --> 00:20:55,480
feel I didn't mind that a lot you didn't
372
00:20:53,039 --> 00:20:57,240
mind it no I enjoyed that very much want
373
00:20:55,480 --> 00:21:03,280
to play some more I got a little Punchy
374
00:20:57,240 --> 00:21:06,100
but that was fun I like get out open
375
00:21:03,280 --> 00:21:09,200
never no one else have Bo never had it
376
00:21:06,100 --> 00:21:09,200
[Music]
377
00:21:11,800 --> 00:21:20,320
[Music]
378
00:21:16,919 --> 00:21:23,120
wrong it's not very pretty is it a dirty
379
00:21:20,320 --> 00:21:25,880
greasy frying pan crusted with burned
380
00:21:23,120 --> 00:21:28,520
bits of fried liver and it's not at all
381
00:21:25,880 --> 00:21:31,600
easy to clean either unless you do it
382
00:21:28,520 --> 00:21:33,840
with Ajax the foaming cleanser because
383
00:21:31,600 --> 00:21:36,240
Ajax cleans your pots and pans twice as
384
00:21:33,840 --> 00:21:40,440
easy and twice as fast as any other
385
00:21:36,240 --> 00:21:44,159
leading cleanser just watch I shake Ajax
386
00:21:40,440 --> 00:21:44,159
in just a
387
00:21:44,700 --> 00:21:49,679
[Music]
388
00:21:46,640 --> 00:21:53,120
little those foaming action Suds go
389
00:21:49,679 --> 00:21:55,320
right to work lifting grease and dirt in
390
00:21:53,120 --> 00:21:55,320
a
391
00:21:57,039 --> 00:22:03,279
Jeffy
392
00:21:59,279 --> 00:22:03,279
floating it right down the
393
00:22:03,310 --> 00:22:11,120
[Music]
394
00:22:06,360 --> 00:22:13,279
drain ah your pen shines like a bright
395
00:22:11,120 --> 00:22:15,480
new
396
00:22:13,279 --> 00:22:18,520
Penny and there are many other things
397
00:22:15,480 --> 00:22:21,240
you'll like about Ajax it polishes as it
398
00:22:18,520 --> 00:22:24,400
cleans it leaves no gritty cleanser scum
399
00:22:21,240 --> 00:22:28,080
it's kind to your hands and it has a
400
00:22:24,400 --> 00:22:30,200
wonderful fragrance get two cans of Ajax
401
00:22:28,080 --> 00:22:35,170
one to use in the kitchen and one for
402
00:22:30,200 --> 00:22:44,150
the bathroom too Ajax the foaming
403
00:22:35,170 --> 00:22:44,150
[Music]
404
00:22:47,279 --> 00:22:53,080
cleanser I'm
405
00:22:50,240 --> 00:22:55,159
tired ladies and gentlemen Dean and I
406
00:22:53,080 --> 00:22:57,320
are very very proud to say that we
407
00:22:55,159 --> 00:22:59,279
introduced two young people on our show
408
00:22:57,320 --> 00:23:01,039
on February the 4th that did such a
409
00:22:59,279 --> 00:23:04,360
magnificent job that we had to ask him
410
00:23:01,039 --> 00:23:06,799
to come back we pay him
411
00:23:04,360 --> 00:23:08,360
so they're very wonderful performers
412
00:23:06,799 --> 00:23:11,320
we'd like you to see this very wonderful
413
00:23:08,360 --> 00:23:15,679
number they're about to do Bob FY Cory
414
00:23:11,320 --> 00:23:20,320
Agra Kreg raft and he showed them how to
415
00:23:15,679 --> 00:23:22,360
do it and uh he very lovely cohort Miss
416
00:23:20,320 --> 00:23:24,080
Marian ises we show you the very
417
00:23:22,360 --> 00:23:26,480
beautiful conception of their premise of
418
00:23:24,080 --> 00:23:29,880
a word entitled you've never loved but
419
00:23:26,480 --> 00:23:29,880
still in all well
420
00:23:32,590 --> 00:23:36,780
[Music]
421
00:23:34,920 --> 00:23:41,599
[Applause]
422
00:23:36,780 --> 00:23:41,599
[Music]
423
00:23:42,200 --> 00:23:44,400
thank
424
00:23:56,880 --> 00:23:59,880
you
425
00:24:04,600 --> 00:24:10,440
to matter someone
426
00:24:06,039 --> 00:24:10,440
sick don't talk loud in the
427
00:24:13,679 --> 00:24:18,039
library you have to chew that loud I
428
00:24:16,919 --> 00:24:20,640
paid a penny and I'm going to get my
429
00:24:18,039 --> 00:24:20,640
pennies worth
430
00:24:26,799 --> 00:24:29,799
sir
431
00:24:56,760 --> 00:24:59,760
for
432
00:25:16,390 --> 00:25:19,499
[Music]
433
00:25:21,919 --> 00:25:27,520
don't shush me I run this library is it
434
00:25:25,120 --> 00:25:30,080
a civil service job yes well let's be a
435
00:25:27,520 --> 00:25:30,080
little more
436
00:25:34,399 --> 00:25:39,320
civil now what is what can I do for you
437
00:25:37,440 --> 00:25:41,480
oh I don't know I just stand here and I
438
00:25:39,320 --> 00:25:44,120
want to return some of these books why
439
00:25:41,480 --> 00:25:44,120
what's wrong with
440
00:25:44,240 --> 00:25:48,279
it oh there's nothing wrong with him sir
441
00:25:46,679 --> 00:25:50,799
I just finished him using him and I
442
00:25:48,279 --> 00:25:53,440
don't want him no more all right let me
443
00:25:50,799 --> 00:25:53,440
ask all
444
00:25:56,679 --> 00:25:59,679
righty
445
00:26:00,559 --> 00:26:03,559
oh
446
00:26:05,040 --> 00:26:12,059
[Music]
447
00:26:16,920 --> 00:26:26,130
[Music]
448
00:26:26,600 --> 00:26:30,159
SC
449
00:26:28,630 --> 00:26:33,520
[Music]
450
00:26:30,159 --> 00:26:35,120
you sure read a lot don't you oh no sir
451
00:26:33,520 --> 00:26:38,080
I just use these to build tunnels for my
452
00:26:35,120 --> 00:26:38,080
electric tr get away
453
00:26:41,640 --> 00:26:47,960
from what is that this is for our Weenie
454
00:26:44,960 --> 00:26:51,720
Roast down at the annual W dang sunnd
455
00:26:47,960 --> 00:26:51,720
all right give me your
456
00:26:52,679 --> 00:26:58,480
card give me a card will buddy I must
457
00:26:56,120 --> 00:27:00,480
have left my card home I don't care
458
00:26:58,480 --> 00:27:05,279
where you must have left it give me the
459
00:27:00,480 --> 00:27:08,080
car I don't got it you don't got it what
460
00:27:05,279 --> 00:27:10,440
kind of English this is I don't got
461
00:27:08,080 --> 00:27:12,080
it that's as bad as up the street the
462
00:27:10,440 --> 00:27:14,760
soldiers they're coming
463
00:27:12,080 --> 00:27:16,640
down going to talk English let's talk it
464
00:27:14,760 --> 00:27:18,360
right Buster what do you want from me
465
00:27:16,640 --> 00:27:21,000
all I know is I ain't got a card what do
466
00:27:18,360 --> 00:27:23,919
you want well get a card maybe I can
467
00:27:21,000 --> 00:27:27,320
borrow my friend Herby go ahead borrow
468
00:27:23,919 --> 00:27:29,640
Herby I'll call Herby where's Herby live
469
00:27:27,320 --> 00:27:32,559
oh just about a mile from here all right
470
00:27:29,640 --> 00:27:32,559
Callin
471
00:27:36,520 --> 00:27:44,559
hi well he's got to hear me don't he use
472
00:27:40,600 --> 00:27:47,519
the telephone oh hello H me the operator
473
00:27:44,559 --> 00:27:50,960
for the number operator do you know her
474
00:27:47,519 --> 00:27:54,919
me give me the
475
00:27:50,960 --> 00:27:58,720
number the operator's name is
476
00:27:54,919 --> 00:28:00,880
Herby now come on Melvin get Melvin no
477
00:27:58,720 --> 00:28:04,039
that's the
478
00:28:00,880 --> 00:28:06,440
other oh operator would you please be
479
00:28:04,039 --> 00:28:08,799
good enough to get me Academy
480
00:28:06,440 --> 00:28:11,760
72467
481
00:28:08,799 --> 00:28:13,480
24771 329
482
00:28:11,760 --> 00:28:18,360
984
483
00:28:13,480 --> 00:28:19,880
72111 one11 one11 1 8
484
00:28:18,360 --> 00:28:22,399
239
485
00:28:19,880 --> 00:28:24,399
7266 54
486
00:28:22,399 --> 00:28:26,440
44444
487
00:28:24,399 --> 00:28:30,159
293
488
00:28:26,440 --> 00:28:30,159
3 6 to
489
00:28:31,320 --> 00:28:36,480
9 carry the numbers has changed to
490
00:28:34,720 --> 00:28:39,600
Academy
491
00:28:36,480 --> 00:28:47,080
three 65
492
00:28:39,600 --> 00:28:47,080
8473 6 57 8 9 5 4
493
00:28:56,399 --> 00:29:02,159
68
494
00:28:58,960 --> 00:29:05,720
now you going get out of here you hear
495
00:29:02,159 --> 00:29:09,480
me get out of
496
00:29:05,720 --> 00:29:11,720
here boy oh boy sir if I ran a library
497
00:29:09,480 --> 00:29:14,760
if I even worked in one I I would never
498
00:29:11,720 --> 00:29:17,039
ever treat kids like that you sure sure
499
00:29:14,760 --> 00:29:20,720
I'm sure well I'm looking for a man like
500
00:29:17,039 --> 00:29:25,080
you you like to have a job
501
00:29:20,720 --> 00:29:25,080
here say yes
502
00:29:26,320 --> 00:29:29,320
yes
503
00:29:34,200 --> 00:29:39,519
[Music]
504
00:29:36,919 --> 00:29:41,600
how can you forget one line
505
00:29:39,519 --> 00:29:44,559
look now you know what you have to do in
506
00:29:41,600 --> 00:29:47,200
the library no sir you keep the books in
507
00:29:44,559 --> 00:29:50,240
place keep them nice and neat and clean
508
00:29:47,200 --> 00:29:52,200
and Above All Above All keep those
509
00:29:50,240 --> 00:29:59,320
people
510
00:29:52,200 --> 00:29:59,320
quiet yes sir you are now in charge
511
00:30:01,720 --> 00:30:07,159
all right let's keep this quiet in
512
00:30:09,080 --> 00:30:14,880
it we don't want people standing talking
513
00:30:12,240 --> 00:30:18,000
and makeing noise because we're running
514
00:30:14,880 --> 00:30:18,000
a library
515
00:30:23,039 --> 00:30:29,640
here shut
516
00:30:25,720 --> 00:30:33,559
up no in a library let's keep it quiet
517
00:30:29,640 --> 00:30:37,640
buddy let's keep it quiet buddy noin in
518
00:30:33,559 --> 00:30:39,550
a library budy when it's in the library
519
00:30:37,640 --> 00:30:42,120
we don't
520
00:30:39,550 --> 00:30:45,030
[Music]
521
00:30:42,120 --> 00:30:48,170
want shut
522
00:30:45,030 --> 00:30:48,170
[Music]
523
00:30:48,640 --> 00:30:55,760
up you trying to do ruin me H aren't you
524
00:30:52,799 --> 00:30:55,760
overacting a little
525
00:30:56,240 --> 00:31:02,120
bit I'm going
526
00:30:59,720 --> 00:31:04,840
here what it looks like you were dying
527
00:31:02,120 --> 00:31:06,360
for a minute that's why are you I'm
528
00:31:04,840 --> 00:31:08,919
going to give you
529
00:31:06,360 --> 00:31:11,639
another come on let's do the sketch get
530
00:31:08,919 --> 00:31:15,240
the money and get out of
531
00:31:11,639 --> 00:31:17,200
it see this customer coming in yeah
532
00:31:15,240 --> 00:31:19,399
check them out yes sir I can do that
533
00:31:17,200 --> 00:31:24,120
fine I watched the way you did
534
00:31:19,399 --> 00:31:24,120
it I like to take this book out all
535
00:31:24,480 --> 00:31:31,519
right both the hand they me
536
00:31:27,880 --> 00:31:35,279
all right stamp him out yes sir re boy
537
00:31:31,519 --> 00:31:35,279
stamp this man
538
00:31:42,340 --> 00:31:49,289
[Music]
539
00:31:56,159 --> 00:31:59,159
out
540
00:32:00,410 --> 00:32:03,459
[Music]
541
00:32:08,190 --> 00:32:11,349
[Music]
542
00:32:18,310 --> 00:32:22,820
[Laughter]
543
00:32:26,080 --> 00:32:36,360
yeah
544
00:32:28,000 --> 00:32:36,360
[Laughter]
545
00:32:39,470 --> 00:32:42,040
[Applause]
546
00:32:40,559 --> 00:32:44,279
you
547
00:32:42,040 --> 00:32:47,120
[Music]
548
00:32:44,279 --> 00:32:48,840
deser get out of my place get out of my
549
00:32:47,120 --> 00:32:52,039
library I'm not leaving till I get the
550
00:32:48,840 --> 00:32:55,039
book I came for sir you
551
00:32:52,039 --> 00:32:56,799
promise you promise yes I leave but
552
00:32:55,039 --> 00:33:00,200
first I want that book I came for all
553
00:32:56,799 --> 00:33:03,840
right what would you like to read goer
554
00:33:00,200 --> 00:33:07,399
traval go what goer traval and I want
555
00:33:03,840 --> 00:33:09,760
the book now Gus travel yes sir do you
556
00:33:07,399 --> 00:33:12,080
happen to know where that book is no I
557
00:33:09,760 --> 00:33:15,279
don't but I want that book and I want it
558
00:33:12,080 --> 00:33:18,159
know will you get the book yes sir if I
559
00:33:15,279 --> 00:33:20,320
will up
560
00:33:18,159 --> 00:33:21,840
there well I want that book and I'm not
561
00:33:20,320 --> 00:33:24,760
leaving till I get it well I haven't got
562
00:33:21,840 --> 00:33:29,320
a letter and we can't get it I want a
563
00:33:24,760 --> 00:33:29,320
book Hy I'm
564
00:33:29,559 --> 00:33:35,159
hungry you got a ladder so I got got no
565
00:33:33,760 --> 00:33:37,760
ladder ladder is broken but maybe we can
566
00:33:35,159 --> 00:33:39,760
help him out some other way okay put
567
00:33:37,760 --> 00:33:41,720
this table up here instead and put a
568
00:33:39,760 --> 00:33:44,000
chair he that's a good way Hy here let
569
00:33:41,720 --> 00:33:47,880
him stand on top of the chair get up
570
00:33:44,000 --> 00:33:47,880
there I have to go get
571
00:33:49,679 --> 00:33:52,679
the
572
00:33:55,960 --> 00:34:02,639
no bottle put it put the chair put the
573
00:34:00,360 --> 00:34:04,799
chair on the bottle how do you like that
574
00:34:02,639 --> 00:34:06,679
I don't like that oh yes you let me read
575
00:34:04,799 --> 00:34:08,919
that night book over there all you want
576
00:34:06,679 --> 00:34:11,440
go of us travels you're going to get it
577
00:34:08,919 --> 00:34:13,320
shorty I don't want to read get up here
578
00:34:11,440 --> 00:34:18,320
hurry up did you drop your head
579
00:34:13,320 --> 00:34:23,440
[Laughter]
580
00:34:18,320 --> 00:34:23,440
melv why do he I don't know but I'm
581
00:34:25,879 --> 00:34:31,560
walk head up there
582
00:34:27,960 --> 00:34:33,960
for and one foot up here
583
00:34:31,560 --> 00:34:36,520
now forward all the forward don't worry
584
00:34:33,960 --> 00:34:37,720
I'm with you stand on the chair just
585
00:34:36,520 --> 00:34:40,000
stand on the
586
00:34:37,720 --> 00:34:42,599
chair stand stand up there now stand all
587
00:34:40,000 --> 00:34:45,960
the way up all the
588
00:34:42,599 --> 00:34:46,879
way no I don't want straighten your body
589
00:34:45,960 --> 00:34:48,040
all the way up just straighten your body
590
00:34:46,879 --> 00:34:52,639
all the way up that's right now turn and
591
00:34:48,040 --> 00:34:52,639
face me go ahead turn the feet
592
00:34:52,760 --> 00:34:58,760
too they're not
593
00:34:55,879 --> 00:35:01,640
listening
594
00:34:58,760 --> 00:35:03,640
now get the book no wait here take this
595
00:35:01,640 --> 00:35:06,760
chair put that chair up there I don't
596
00:35:03,640 --> 00:35:06,760
want company up
597
00:35:09,880 --> 00:35:15,280
here let me you that's not watch
598
00:35:13,079 --> 00:35:20,000
yourself hold on this real tight I'm
599
00:35:15,280 --> 00:35:23,320
scared I'm scared no I am I'm really
600
00:35:20,000 --> 00:35:26,640
scared no oh no don't shake it oh no
601
00:35:23,320 --> 00:35:29,839
don't shake no oh no don't shake it oh
602
00:35:26,640 --> 00:35:34,240
no don't laugh laugh don't shake it oh
603
00:35:29,839 --> 00:35:37,760
please don't shake it don't sh it I
604
00:35:34,240 --> 00:35:37,760
don't care you let go
605
00:35:37,880 --> 00:35:44,079
J tell him not to
606
00:35:40,880 --> 00:35:49,480
it don't take it I
607
00:35:44,079 --> 00:35:52,839
don't don't it get get out there slide
608
00:35:49,480 --> 00:35:55,000
down no I can't no I can't I can't can't
609
00:35:52,839 --> 00:35:57,440
move I can't move you can't move I can't
610
00:35:55,000 --> 00:35:59,480
move you positive I'm sure I can't move
611
00:35:57,440 --> 00:36:01,680
you sure you can't move yeah I'm sorry
612
00:35:59,480 --> 00:36:03,440
come here what want go and see if you
613
00:36:01,680 --> 00:36:05,720
can get some other books for this boy
614
00:36:03,440 --> 00:36:08,240
good night Humphrey well what are you
615
00:36:05,720 --> 00:36:12,000
going to do nothing I can't move you
616
00:36:08,240 --> 00:36:12,000
positive you can't move yeah I'm
617
00:36:14,920 --> 00:36:23,050
sure oh now help
618
00:36:17,600 --> 00:36:23,850
[Music]
619
00:36:23,050 --> 00:36:25,720
[Applause]
620
00:36:23,850 --> 00:36:28,190
[Music]
621
00:36:25,720 --> 00:36:34,040
me
622
00:36:28,190 --> 00:36:37,560
[Applause]
623
00:36:34,040 --> 00:36:40,680
and now Halo presents a lonely lady of
624
00:36:37,560 --> 00:36:43,440
the sea and a lovely lady of the islands
625
00:36:40,680 --> 00:36:45,839
Miss Norma Calderon of the musical hit
626
00:36:43,440 --> 00:36:45,839
South
627
00:36:48,280 --> 00:36:54,040
Pacifico everybody H Halo shampoo
628
00:36:52,280 --> 00:36:56,720
presents the inside story of The
629
00:36:54,040 --> 00:36:59,680
Lonesome mermaid what can I do about my
630
00:36:56,720 --> 00:37:02,280
my hair it's so dull and stringy looking
631
00:36:59,680 --> 00:37:04,480
the sailors never whistle at me anymore
632
00:37:02,280 --> 00:37:06,480
and for a mermaid that's serious look
633
00:37:04,480 --> 00:37:09,240
toots here's the answer to your problem
634
00:37:06,480 --> 00:37:11,800
use Halo shampoo soaping dull's hair
635
00:37:09,240 --> 00:37:14,240
Halo glorifies it Halo means natural
636
00:37:11,800 --> 00:37:17,119
beauty the first time that you use it
637
00:37:14,240 --> 00:37:20,160
you need no special rinsing after you
638
00:37:17,119 --> 00:37:23,440
use it so Halo everybody
639
00:37:20,160 --> 00:37:25,599
Halo Halo shampoo
640
00:37:23,440 --> 00:37:29,359
[Music]
641
00:37:25,599 --> 00:37:32,920
Halo Halo everybody
642
00:37:29,359 --> 00:37:38,040
Halo Halo is the shampoo that glorifies
643
00:37:32,920 --> 00:37:40,880
your hair so Halo sh Halo remember Halo
644
00:37:38,040 --> 00:37:43,240
Le's hair fragrant dandr free and
645
00:37:40,880 --> 00:37:46,400
wonderfully easy to manage because Halo
646
00:37:43,240 --> 00:37:49,319
is not a soap or no cream so Halo
647
00:37:46,400 --> 00:37:49,319
everybody
648
00:37:49,560 --> 00:37:55,280
halooo
649
00:37:51,599 --> 00:37:57,680
Halo Halo Sho
650
00:37:55,280 --> 00:38:00,920
Halo remember remember this about
651
00:37:57,680 --> 00:38:04,280
shampoos soaping dulls hair but Halo
652
00:38:00,920 --> 00:38:06,720
glorifies it Halo made with a patented
653
00:38:04,280 --> 00:38:10,079
ingredient needs no special rinse and
654
00:38:06,720 --> 00:38:13,520
leaves hair wonderfully easy to manage
655
00:38:10,079 --> 00:38:19,280
next time try Halo America's favorite
656
00:38:13,520 --> 00:38:21,839
shampoo so Halo everybody Halo Halo is
657
00:38:19,280 --> 00:38:28,520
the shampoo that glorifies your hair so
658
00:38:21,839 --> 00:38:28,520
Halo everybody Halo Halo shampoo
659
00:38:33,680 --> 00:38:42,090
[Music]
660
00:38:43,490 --> 00:38:47,190
[Applause]
661
00:38:47,400 --> 00:38:51,359
H thank you very much you're very kind
662
00:38:49,760 --> 00:38:52,520
ladies and gentlemen we like to say
663
00:38:51,359 --> 00:38:53,640
right about here you know Dean has a
664
00:38:52,520 --> 00:38:54,960
beautiful production number at the
665
00:38:53,640 --> 00:38:56,599
beginning of every show with girls and
666
00:38:54,960 --> 00:38:58,599
everything so I went to the network I
667
00:38:56,599 --> 00:38:59,920
said why can't I do a number two so they
668
00:38:58,599 --> 00:39:02,680
said okay you'll do it but they didn't
669
00:38:59,920 --> 00:39:04,839
give me GS they gave me fellas I should
670
00:39:02,680 --> 00:39:06,680
use so I got to do the number come on
671
00:39:04,839 --> 00:39:08,200
out fellas you know it feels funny then
672
00:39:06,680 --> 00:39:10,200
uses girls pretty girls to work with
673
00:39:08,200 --> 00:39:12,480
it's nice so I got fellas so just to
674
00:39:10,200 --> 00:39:15,960
make me feel better you'll be Selma
675
00:39:12,480 --> 00:39:18,800
Audrey Miriam and Phyllis all right
676
00:39:15,960 --> 00:39:20,000
they'll be GS meanwhile this is a number
677
00:39:18,800 --> 00:39:21,800
that I had the Good Fortune recording
678
00:39:20,000 --> 00:39:23,520
for Capital Records and it's my
679
00:39:21,800 --> 00:39:25,640
conception of a tune called Never Been
680
00:39:23,520 --> 00:39:26,580
Kissed and I'm going to sing it for you
681
00:39:25,640 --> 00:39:27,920
now
682
00:39:26,580 --> 00:39:32,720
[Applause]
683
00:39:27,920 --> 00:39:36,599
[Music]
684
00:39:32,720 --> 00:39:39,720
oh I know a g who's a treat to the eye
685
00:39:36,599 --> 00:39:43,200
the boys always whistle when she passes
686
00:39:39,720 --> 00:39:46,079
by she's out every night not a night has
687
00:39:43,200 --> 00:39:51,119
she missed and her mother says that
688
00:39:46,079 --> 00:39:54,680
she's never been kissed what yeah never
689
00:39:51,119 --> 00:39:58,000
been kissed never been kissed it's hard
690
00:39:54,680 --> 00:40:01,079
to believe that she's Never Been Kissed
691
00:39:58,000 --> 00:40:03,880
one night she went out for a row on the
692
00:40:01,079 --> 00:40:07,599
lake the guy she was with dropped the
693
00:40:03,880 --> 00:40:10,440
ores by mistake they drifted for hours
694
00:40:07,599 --> 00:40:14,079
before they were missed but she still
695
00:40:10,440 --> 00:40:15,720
insists that she's never been kissed
696
00:40:14,079 --> 00:40:20,000
he's a
697
00:40:15,720 --> 00:40:23,440
liar kissed never been kissed it's hard
698
00:40:20,000 --> 00:40:26,920
to that she's never been kissed a
699
00:40:23,440 --> 00:40:29,960
wealthy young man took a liking to her
700
00:40:26,920 --> 00:40:33,920
he gave her some presents of jewelry and
701
00:40:29,960 --> 00:40:36,880
fur including a diamond as big as your
702
00:40:33,920 --> 00:40:39,920
fist yet she'll take an oath that she's
703
00:40:36,880 --> 00:40:42,319
never been kissed
704
00:40:39,920 --> 00:40:45,960
what Never Been
705
00:40:42,319 --> 00:40:48,920
Kissed Been Kissed it's hard to believe
706
00:40:45,960 --> 00:40:52,240
that she never been kissed now there's a
707
00:40:48,920 --> 00:40:55,079
new book they're all talking about call
708
00:40:52,240 --> 00:40:57,880
lessons in love you have read it no
709
00:40:55,079 --> 00:41:01,119
doubt I hear that that it just made the
710
00:40:57,880 --> 00:41:04,000
besteller list well it's written by her
711
00:41:01,119 --> 00:41:04,720
and she's never been kissed that's a lot
712
00:41:04,000 --> 00:41:08,960
of
713
00:41:04,720 --> 00:41:08,960
[Music]
714
00:41:16,599 --> 00:41:22,000
H
715
00:41:18,440 --> 00:41:25,200
kissed kissed it's hard to believe that
716
00:41:22,000 --> 00:41:28,319
she's never been kissed she married the
717
00:41:25,200 --> 00:41:31,640
best catch in town by the way and said
718
00:41:28,319 --> 00:41:34,480
to the girl that she threw her bouquet
719
00:41:31,640 --> 00:41:37,960
just keep the boys guessing and always
720
00:41:34,480 --> 00:41:40,319
insist that you are a girl who has never
721
00:41:37,960 --> 00:41:40,319
been
722
00:41:40,480 --> 00:41:47,200
kissed never been kissed never been
723
00:41:44,240 --> 00:41:50,480
kissed it's hard to believe that she's
724
00:41:47,200 --> 00:41:53,960
never been kissed the end of this story
725
00:41:50,480 --> 00:41:57,200
is sad and here's why I saw her today
726
00:41:53,960 --> 00:42:00,240
with a tear in her eye I asked her the
727
00:41:57,200 --> 00:42:04,280
reason why she was so blue and the
728
00:42:00,240 --> 00:42:08,960
answer she gave me I'll pass on to
729
00:42:04,280 --> 00:42:13,880
you listen Never Been Kissed Never Been
730
00:42:08,960 --> 00:42:13,880
Kissed she married a man who has
731
00:42:16,480 --> 00:42:21,970
never
732
00:42:18,720 --> 00:42:21,970
[Applause]
733
00:42:22,240 --> 00:42:27,359
what thank you very much we have hey
734
00:42:25,400 --> 00:42:29,520
that was Terri I never heard this thing
735
00:42:27,359 --> 00:42:30,960
so good before in my life what are you
736
00:42:29,520 --> 00:42:33,000
yelling at me what what's the what's the
737
00:42:30,960 --> 00:42:34,599
wi a wire it says we're so very happy
738
00:42:33,000 --> 00:42:36,559
that you will appear at the Italian
739
00:42:34,599 --> 00:42:38,559
welfare night of stars at the Chicago
740
00:42:36,559 --> 00:42:40,800
Stadium May the 12th thank you Frank and
741
00:42:38,559 --> 00:42:42,200
unio and Johnny Kentucky we're happy to
742
00:42:40,800 --> 00:42:43,880
say we're going to be here in Chicago
743
00:42:42,200 --> 00:42:46,800
for this wonderful Affair and we'd like
744
00:42:43,880 --> 00:42:49,520
you to know about it that's enough
745
00:42:46,800 --> 00:42:51,280
enough don't try and make up let's show
746
00:42:49,520 --> 00:42:52,839
them let's show them that we can also
747
00:42:51,280 --> 00:42:54,200
play instruments we're going to play the
748
00:42:52,839 --> 00:42:56,800
number for you what is it what are you
749
00:42:54,200 --> 00:42:58,119
doing here what do you want two minutes
750
00:42:56,800 --> 00:43:00,319
see what he's giving us here get out of
751
00:42:58,119 --> 00:43:02,000
here get out get out get out we don't
752
00:43:00,319 --> 00:43:05,599
mind having you tell us how much time
753
00:43:02,000 --> 00:43:05,599
there is but don't get in the ACT
754
00:43:05,640 --> 00:43:10,839
buddy play for you the beautiful and
755
00:43:07,720 --> 00:43:10,839
thrilling seder
756
00:43:21,559 --> 00:43:26,730
Dance Happy New
757
00:43:25,079 --> 00:43:35,860
Year
758
00:43:26,730 --> 00:43:35,860
[Music]
759
00:43:37,839 --> 00:43:41,480
I'm going down the mine see if there's
760
00:43:38,960 --> 00:43:41,480
any Co
761
00:43:42,780 --> 00:43:45,949
[Music]
762
00:43:50,100 --> 00:43:57,530
[Applause]
763
00:43:55,079 --> 00:44:04,040
it
764
00:43:57,530 --> 00:44:06,850
[Music]
765
00:44:04,040 --> 00:44:20,859
me a a DA M me your P you
766
00:44:06,850 --> 00:44:20,859
[Music]
767
00:44:25,000 --> 00:44:28,000
de
768
00:44:31,839 --> 00:44:35,520
we love to do about 3 or 4 thousand
769
00:44:33,720 --> 00:44:36,839
other numbers for you but unfortunately
770
00:44:35,520 --> 00:44:38,040
we're running late so with the playing
771
00:44:36,839 --> 00:44:39,520
of the theme on behalf of Dean and
772
00:44:38,040 --> 00:44:41,800
myself we'd like to remind you that next
773
00:44:39,520 --> 00:44:43,480
week Mr Phil silvas will appear on The
774
00:44:41,800 --> 00:44:44,920
colate Comedy Hour Dean and I will be
775
00:44:43,480 --> 00:44:46,599
his guests we're going to have a lot of
776
00:44:44,920 --> 00:44:48,160
fun we'd like you to tune in so we'd
777
00:44:46,599 --> 00:44:49,520
like to thank the entire show Kingman
778
00:44:48,160 --> 00:44:51,319
Moore in the booth Ernest Gman our
779
00:44:49,520 --> 00:44:52,640
producer Ed Simmons and Norman Le our
780
00:44:51,319 --> 00:44:54,960
writers of course I want to thank my
781
00:44:52,640 --> 00:44:57,480
partner cuz without him what's the
782
00:44:54,960 --> 00:44:59,160
sense and I want to thank you also don't
783
00:44:57,480 --> 00:45:00,760
forget next week with Mr Phil silver is
784
00:44:59,160 --> 00:45:02,160
a great comedian we'll be with it thank
785
00:45:00,760 --> 00:45:02,840
you so much you've been wonderful good
786
00:45:02,160 --> 00:45:12,599
night and God
787
00:45:02,840 --> 00:45:12,599
[Applause]
788
00:45:15,310 --> 00:45:21,440
[Music]
789
00:45:18,160 --> 00:45:25,559
Lu the game prob hour has been presented
790
00:45:21,440 --> 00:45:29,200
by Halo shampoo to glorify your hair and
791
00:45:25,559 --> 00:45:29,200
a the foaming action
792
00:45:30,420 --> 00:45:35,409
[Music]
793
00:45:32,280 --> 00:45:35,409
[Applause]
794
00:45:35,930 --> 00:45:51,750
[Music]
795
00:45:52,000 --> 00:45:56,319
cleanser he in again next week at this
796
00:45:54,760 --> 00:45:58,720
time when Phil silver will make his
797
00:45:56,319 --> 00:46:00,359
debut as star of the Colgate comedy Al
798
00:45:58,720 --> 00:46:02,400
and on hand to welcome and his special
799
00:46:00,359 --> 00:46:04,079
guests will be Dean Martin and Jerry
800
00:46:02,400 --> 00:46:07,040
Lewis and Vivian
801
00:46:04,079 --> 00:46:08,720
blae then the next week V vly again will
802
00:46:07,040 --> 00:46:11,160
star on the comedy
803
00:46:08,720 --> 00:46:12,760
arm the following week de Martin and
804
00:46:11,160 --> 00:46:14,760
Jerry Lewis will be back once again on
805
00:46:12,760 --> 00:46:18,160
the Colgate Comedy
806
00:46:14,760 --> 00:46:18,650
Hour and four weeks from tonight Eddie K
807
00:46:18,160 --> 00:46:21,160
will
808
00:46:18,650 --> 00:46:23,640
[Music]
809
00:46:21,160 --> 00:46:25,440
return and now good night for the cold
810
00:46:23,640 --> 00:46:28,760
game Comedy Hour which has been
811
00:46:25,440 --> 00:46:32,150
presented by the Colgate clol PE company
812
00:46:28,760 --> 00:46:48,129
makers of quality products since
813
00:46:32,150 --> 00:46:48,129
[Music]
814
00:46:49,160 --> 00:46:52,160
1806
52868
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