Original subtitles

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call

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everybody brush your teth

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withing the S your beaut

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there time you worry home and all will

disappear while we are here if you join

us show

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the head the welcoming for one of stv's

Hometown Boys Dean

Martin friends I have a surprise for you

as you know today we are also welcoming

Dean Martin's wonderful partner at late

comedian Jerry

Lewis among you are many of Jerry

Lewis's friends who have come from

Hometown New New Jersey and standing

with me on this platform to help me

greet Jerry is our own mayor they

sing yes and also our very nice friend

from new mayani

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[Applause]

our boys are

home yeah this must be a happy day for

the people from new

too for us Jerry Lewis will always be

our favorite

son Jerry you know oh we've known Jerry

since he was so high as a matter of fact

I remember when Jerry broke all the

windows in my

store well that reminds me Dean you

remember when you threw that bucket of

pain at my wife and ruined a new Easter

outfit there's no question about it

these boys were

devils you can say that again hey Jerry

remember the time you let all the air

out of my

tires and har remember the time you

filled my price cow full of buck

shot Hey Dean remember when you burned

my house down I never did get that

insurance hey de time you saw my pool

table in half I yeah and I swear the

whole town wouldn't have gotten sick if

Jerry Lewis hadn't polluted the

reservoir all I want to know is how long

are we going to stand for

this R out of

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you did it again this is the 12th time

you did it and me like a nice guy bring

you a St what do you do to me after I

get everybody to come around and you

have the pastry which I didn't care

about but you had the adity to come over

to me and said with your own shoes you

didn't even ask me but what did I say

you know because we were willing to be

friends when everybody said and I what

what do I care about things and and you

with me anything you ever asked me what

did you say not a thing you didn't say

to me cuz I did mind you're my buddy my

pal my B pal nothing you you could and

you left the kid

there it's true

ladies and gentlemen our writers Eddie

Simmons and Norman Le who write the

entire show said that we should make our

show as informal as possible we'd like

to do that so we'd like it to relax and

I'd like to come right into your living

room and join you both I want you to

know that enjoy

myself mighty tasty singing by Brother

Martin addressed as usual to a lovely

lady but here's a song Softly sung to

any woman who wants to be even Lovelier

you want a beauty so for a beauty back

you want a beauty so for a beauty you

want so for a beauty

you for your beauty you love it

fragrance for Dain you love itness for L

you want for gentl you

love

forri yes you want a beauty soap for a

beauty bath and your bath becomes a

beauty bath when you change to proper

cleansing with palm Olive soap doctors

have proved that regular cleansing with

this beauty soap brings most women

Lovelier complexions in just 14 days yes

nothing could be finer in your bath to

cleanse refresh relax you so to enjoy a

bath that's truly a beauty bath always

use big generous bath siiz Palm Olive so

mild so pure so right for all of you yes

you are for your beauty

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hey what are you doing

here

[Laughter]

hey what is this

hey come

here

hey what are you doing in my gymnasium

oh well every every Sunday I go to beach

and fellas kicks sand in my face and

when I get up and I say don't do that

they say haha

skinny I don't like that that's no good

so I want to get built up strong so if

they do that I can hit her right in your

head if they ever do that you want to

build yourself up can I do it here go

put on a gymsuit oh and then you'll

build me up put on a gym suit all right

fellas come

on come on put on a gym suit for

you all right now fell come on little

rooll a little work here stretch it out

stretch out let me see I what you give

me right that looks pretty keep him up

high up high faster fast you're not of

the wck come on let's throw the ball

throw it back and forth let's see it

come on now

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up this this is all of it huh you didn't

leave nothing none of this is in the

locker this is the whole thing this is

everything there's no more good I but I

want I want you should build up my body

like those other fellas

now will you get your health back we'll

see what we can do

right right that's

good want to be my guest can I try it

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go oh now chein yourself let's

go no this doesn't come down you go up

you go

up now I know you can do it now go ahead

put your arms right around that Bo then

get all the strength in these big nice

skinny arms and right real up I'm you

know what I

mean go ahead and I'll wait

till going to do now come on let's go

take a rub down is that good for me a

rub down o real good come on okay fix up

the things here all right take off your

clothes

here I said take off your clothes I

don't even know you

oh come on oh I will not either don't

you get fresh

help you I'm not taking off my clothes

for you what's matter you embarrassed no

I'm

ashamed all right let's do little

calisthenics do I have to take my

clothes off it it no let's do it come on

I like that tell come on fellas lineapp

let's

go line up here let's see it now get in

line buddy hey buddy get in line come on

get in line here here get in line

all right

now I want two four and six step out two

two two two now when I blow the whistle

the exercise is over stand you stop

let's here's the first exercise one 2 3

4 got it let's go 1 2 3 4 1 2

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come

on that's our next exercise

like

this 1 2 3 4 got it let's go 1

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2 how the family fine fine they're all

finished what are you doing down

there hey Mom somebody wants you on a

telephone telephone okay oh I like to

have a volunteer to take over the class

whoever who wants a volunteer take two

steps forward one two good I know you're

good I don't know how when you wanted to

stop the exercise load a whistle load Lo

the

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whist oh yeah

all right the first exercise is the one

where you're running and you don't go

nowhere you know which one this is how

show them how to do

it yeah like this everybody ready

go they told me this is very

good yeah now we'll do another one okay

that's enough for that one

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let's that that's all right that's all

for this one stop 1 two now if

we no no that all right H one two

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St that's no no more yeah they don't

want to stop the whist the

whistle come on stop this

guys come here

get in

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line we going to have a little boxing

exhibition now who wants a box with me

for two round take two steps forward one

two give a wh give me a wh you ever

boxed before no going to box now and I

don't want you to get hurt so bring on

the equipment let's

go get

out

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feel what matter you got a headache

now I'm just wearing this so you won't

get hurt look now here's the idea you

got to guard your head and your face cuz

if I hit you I don't want you to get

Punchy you understand yeah yeah I don't

want you to get Punchy so take care of

yourself oh all right okay yeah

good somebody you crazy let me know when

you're going to hit

me now

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all right put up put up

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watch

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watch can I get some warm

Selter come

on what are you doing ruing your

footwork get out

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that's enough for you that's enough come

on we better quit that's enough come on

go to the showers that's enough I don't

want you get Punchy come on quit I want

to fight some more I

enjoy H I've enjoyed this bad but how I

fight The

Bu oh no yeah I'm just C out it now if I

keep fighting I think I'll be all

right come on let's findy a couple more

get in there and go get him in the away

why about that I picked it up pretty

good did I I feel pretty good come

on busy Housewives don't have to go to

gymnasiums to wear themselves out they

can do it right in their own kitchens if

they let an old style scouring cleanser

make little cleanup jobs become big ones

but don't you do it instead listen to

the advice of fat so slim and

Tiny aex the foaming

cleer a

whis you'll stop paying the elbow tax

when you start cleaning with Ajax so use

Ajax theing

CER the dirt down

the Ajax leav no gritty cleansers G

soing

the so

a remember ask for Ajax the scouring

cleanser with foaming action it's really

a big help in the bathroom and kitchen

it cuts grease like back and floats it

down the drain Colgate smells good too

and it's easy on your hand cans Ajax

colgate's wonderful foaming

action get two cans

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tomorrow and now we take you to the

headquarters of the toughest criminal

gang in the country Mayhem

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Incorporated what is it it's a bad time

send him in here

here

come you s for me

scar how many times I got to tell you

don't call me

scar huh where you been

I've been around what do you mean I've

been around just been around that's all

why aren't you here this afternoon want

you to hold up a gas station I'm getting

sick of that that's why gas station all

the other guys they hold up Banks they

get money hold up liquor stores they get

liquor all I have to do is hold up gas

stations all I have to get is gas who to

pain why didn't you report for target

practice because I haven't been

well going to do it now yeah I'm going

to do it now I'm going to do it now I

always got to do what you say all right

let him

lose I had enough I had enough I'm

getting sick of this every day right

close up the Trap same thing every day

hey

scar what is a Strangler can I have the

rest of the day off why I got to go to

my mother-in-law's funeral I didn't know

I didn't know your mother-in-law was

dead she ain't I'm knocking her off as

soon as I get home

good boy hey Strangler I always wanted

to ask you something it's been on my

mind a long time how come they call you

Strangler he you know kid I'm glad you

asked me that because I can't figure

that out neither I'm all a stupid crazy

idiotic nicknames for years for years

nobody called me nothing and then all of

a sudden out of a clear blue sky for no

good reason at all they give me a

nickname like this Strangler Strangler

it's stupid it's crazy right maybe you

can figure it out I can so I'll see

you what's the matter

myON that's what's the matter look what

I just had to go through to ask a

question I don't like this myin I want

to name like all the other pugs birdie

and readed Nord who all other guy all

other guy all right I'll give you a nice

name make make a face for me I'll think

of a name yeah I want a a real hard name

a real tough

name rat face hey that's good that's it

rat R face don't go away I want you to

do something rat face that's a good name

hey Julius sending that out of punk

who's this this guy's got some

information I want you think he can get

it I'm rat face I'll get it I'll get it

I'll get

[Music]

it how was I didn't do

nothing all right what's your name

Turner Schmid

lap where you from Schmid Brooklyn you

asking me or you're telling me I'm

wondering don't get smart give me the

right answers you won't get

Hy Brooklyn huh I used to know a stoner

schmidlap in Brooklyn oh yes he's my

cousin yeah can stone is still spit

through his teeth face all right stuck

with the jokes I'll Bel you the head

I'll tear your head up I'll hit your

I'll break your bones you're going to

start talking I'll tell you

I break every bone in your body if you

don't open him what are you doing he got

away he's over

here now this is a very smart wedgie if

you like it in Gray we have it in a tan

too is this too tight you better change

these that's not your style get out of

come here do you know where you're going

you're going to see the big guy oh no

please not the big bigy you're going to

see the big guy see

[Music]

hello this is ratface send up a

chocolate

Malon with an extra

straw hello

handsome are you

baby where's the scar on his

face it's on your mind sister hey you

any relation to Gary Cooper

you're a big girl I like big

girls they're

so they're so

big how about a kiss baby think you can

make it you bet you I can make

it hey rat what it do what are you crazy

this girl belongs to the big

guy leave him alone scar he's got guts

yeah if the big guy catches him he'll

spill him no but don't go what is it the

big guy's on his way up he heard his M

was here when he's boiling don't let him

come up here stop until I get rid of the

mall don't let him come up don't let him

[Music]

[Music]

like go him I said like gold him that's

better take your coat

off hey I'll help you big guy I'll help

you you come down here I said you're big

guy please don't I said come down

here I'm the for around here now get out

of here you can't hit that girl who said

I can yeah who said he can you Lemonhead

come here come

here pick me up no I said pick me

[Music]

up shake he said shake you want to be

friends big guy Shake

[Music]

what are we going to do with him big guy

give him the same thing as L the lip

right scar let him have it take him out

give me a break big guy give me a break

I didn't do that I was just talking I go

walked in I didn't do nothing give me a

break big guy I'll never do it again

I'll never look at her I'll never do big

guy give me a break give me a

bra get

turn them

[Music]

loose and now come with us to the

seashore where we see a lovely lady

combing her lovely hair

[Music]

not too long ago I couldn't get a sailor

to whistle at me but then one day well

here's the whole

story Halo everybody Halo Halo shampoo

presents the inside story of The

Lonesome mermaid what can I do about my

hair it's so dull and stringy looking

the sailors never whistle at me anymore

and for a mermaid that's serious look

toots here's the answer to your problem

use Halo shampoo soaping doll's hair

Halo glorifies it Halo means natural

beauty

timeing after it so Halo everybody

Halo Halo shampoo

[Music]

Halo Halo everybody

Halo Halo is the shampoo that glorifies

your hair

Soo remember Halo Le's hair fragrance

mandra free and wonderfully easy to

manage because Halo is not a soap or an

oily cream so Halo everybody

[Music]

halooo so take it from one who really

knows soaping dulls hair Halo glorifies

it leaves hair fragrant and wonderfully

easy to manage why don't you try Halo

it's America's favorite shampoo Halo no

Halo

[Music]

Sho what well it's about time I couldn't

get mustard on it so what' you put on it

nothing just the sandwiches

plain just bread just bread yeah you

wanted a mustard sandwich they didn't

have it oh that's good sure yeah but you

know where I went for this I went all

the way yeah by the way where's my

chains give me my

chain come on come here how much change

how much change was there 6 cents six

how far do you have to go Canal Street I

went all the way I walked as

far went all the way okay keep it you

sure you're all right now you just keep

that this isn't going to aggravate you

huh no just to show you 6 cents I mean

what do you want me to do go to

Tiffany's with

this maybe I should go have my shoes

half

sold no I want you to keep it to

remember me bye now look

okay we're having the fun I wish You'

join it oh I love J you've always wanted

the lead one of M you've always

been

here you always wanted to conduct one of

my numbers you're going to get your

chance Charlie aren't you overacting a

little bit

tonight which number can I conduct the

one with the

chore I didn't hear

you I said can I conduct the number with

the chore chore yeah you know when all

the fellas stand and they saying a you

mean the

quori huh yeah the quori go ahead okay

here we go now watch

[Music]

yourself now I'm not ready

once in a

while will you try to

[Music]

give dream all the morning I share with

you

[Music]

in

[Music]

love still can

remember that's

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with I made a boo

Bo

no that you think of

[Music]

me FY singer boy

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

hey all kidding all kiding on the other

side you

know all kidding on the other side we

got a lot of friends of ours here

tonight from oh it took him a long time

to get it was raining and uh they wanted

to know if you would do that Italian

song that you always sing Italian yeah

you know uh oh way Marie yeah would you

do that one yeah so you know mine my

shoe

okay are you conducted wait wait ask me

ask me if you can conduct it ask

me we'll be all right with you if I can

d b

[Music]

regular m

[Music]

why are you

waiting I forgot what song We were

singing

[Laughter]

[Music]

Come Along come

along that's not what I was saying

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

my me

[Music]

are you all right

[Music]

gring oh

no

[Music]

[Laughter]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

this wasn't in the script

[Music]

buddy I watch the second hor fell here

we

[Music]

go you don't feel good

oh

Marie Way

Marie W his owner your

[Music]

birthday hey

Marie is on

every

[Music]

day I

me we love you all

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

these fellas standing on a side and

going like this they don't want you

people out there to know you can't

conceal these things to this audience

they pay money to buy Colgate and I want

put the camera on this man when he goes

like this hurry up over there here do as

I say this minute put the camera there

when he goes like this over there

[Music]

right you w think I'm mad

[Music]

Terry now no don't don't stop me when

I'm saying something I'm sorry

man I mean I know you all had liit and I

yeah joh I never know what you might say

I'm going try to figure out what what on

you mind oh

Holly look Jerry we got about uh 2

minutes to fracture up here and uh well

I would like to say something very

seriously if I may uh this is about the

right time for me to do it Dina if you

allow me I'd appreciate it

ganga ganga what what's ganga I'm Dean

well I'd like to explain it if I me oh

good right ahe go right I will you see

some years ago Rog kiping oh how is Rog

oh not too bad Mother's not well but he

said he'd see it

to but Rog wrote a a gorgeous story

entitled ganga Dean you see and I've

been working with you for over four and

a half years I've been calling your dean

and I thought I'd put ganga in front of

it to break up the monotony oh I wish I

was dead

no i' like to take this opportunity and

thank in the very wonderful mayor

Sterling of Stubenville for coming all

the way to New York appear on our show

we'd like to thank and we'd like to

thank uh mayor valani from all coming

all the way from Newark to be here don't

be sorry castic Newark is a pretty tough

joint kid believe me especially when you

go by carrier

pigeon laugh

[Music]

up see let me explain something to you

people out there you see when we put

this show together we were about 8

minutes over you know see so we cut out

most of the singers in the

comics see cuz he's the singer and I'm

the comic and we had others well oh stop

a

second I want you say now you have to

keep oh look Jerry I think it's very

nice for uh Colgate to have us on every

four weeks because nothing nice about it

they want us and they're paying and

that's all the

res got your teeth with Ajax Ajax Dental

cream that cleans your teeth would do

oh no you don't brush your teeth with

Ajax you brush your teeth with coent

cream you know it's such a wonderful

thing to be wait a minute what are you

saying what is it how many one minute oh

we can feel light

now but Ser seriously uh we're very

thrilled to be on the air for Colgate

and we would like to right about here

make mention this is a wee bit of a plug

and we hope you don't mind why you keep

going up keep coming back moves I go

right with

him come over and stay here and stop

moving away how much time we got Hey

Dean how are

oh we have about 35 seconds 30 seconds

well we want to say we're very grateful

to everyone for tuning in on our show

we'd like to thank dick

stabil we'd like to thank dick St our

wonderful conductor for the wonderful

music our producer Ernie luxman Kingman

Moore in the booth we'd like to thank

everyone for making our show happy one

we've had a lot of fun we sincerely hope

that you have good night God bless you

all goodbye

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

bye

gate theing CER

the

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