Original subtitles

[Music]

the Colgate Comedy

Hour starring Dean Martin and Jerry

Lewis with Kitty Kellen the Four Step

Brothers d Arnold and Harvey

wiwi presented by the Colgate Pummel of

beet company makers of Halo

shampoo Colgate Dental

cream Ajax

cleanser and Pama live

soap

and now the Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis

[Music]

show hello librarians oh I'm

sorry I'm awfully sorry Welcome to our

1952 Librarians

convention I'm sure you remember our

last convention we had a jolly good time

didn't

we this year we have a grand surprise

for you as our guests we have two

wonderful entertainers I'm very happy to

present those two wonderful

comedians The Fabulous Dean marttin and

Jerry

[Music]

Lewis well thank

you we

want but I only

want look can't you get it through there

your little head they want you to keep

quiet keep

quiet yeah but they

didn't that means keep quiet you

shouldn't yell in a library yeah but

when

you do you get it yet but I

would see theming

along

stop I shut up I'm only talking we can't

Me Entertain You I'm getting out of here

no come here look now well they keep you

we're going to entertain I'm going to

sing about 3 or 4,000 songs and well you

can't D cuz I got to get out of here

according to my alarm clock Dick Tracy

watch radio I got to get out of here

because the alarm is going to go off and

I got to get a tattoo did I get a tattoo

yes I have to hurry downtown right away

get your ears pierced while you're there

who a whole head all right turn it off

turn it off the alarm is turn alarm I

can't

[Music]

alarm wellow did it again huh well no I

mean I don't answer me unless you asked

yeah but I mean

why do you have to do this to me why

tell me why why why he I didn't do

nothing I

didn't I just walked in and had the rest

every time I come out here you got to do

something I don't got to mean I got to

do it I walked out there I didn't sh

nothing how many shows have we done here

how made about six of them and you don't

do a thing like that we did 1 of them

but I make no difference I walked in

there and I didn't stay not and I just

shut up if you want want to say

something to me say all

[Music]

right while you're down there introduce

my song yes it

is it is quite you Mustang oh get out of

here it is quite comfortable and our

prod our producer Ernie Blackman who uh

produces the

show he said it would be wise for all of

you people listening in at home to sort

of relax so uh

why not just lie down on the floor like

I am isn't that more comfy here on the

floor up dmer you're sitting in the

leather chair that isn't as comfy as

this righty now fine now the first

exercise is over

one now it will take the thighs from the

muscles and make them realm in repos all

right Jer move stage

left what Jerry move stage

Place who's that Dr cofy

[Music]

nerd who is that this is King Jerry who

stage left king King

Kong oh our TV director Kingman Moore

you want me to move stage left oh yes oh

father of a bird mother of

a oh father of a

worm oh yes sister of

[Applause]

[Music]

Halo everybody

Halo Halo shampoo presents the story of

Aladdin and his magic

lamp a fair one why so sad my hair's so

dull I'll never get a date don't worry

my genie will help

you madam your hair what did you wash it

with this stuff don't you know soaping

doll's hair Halo a glorifies it Halo is

not a soap or oily cream so it can't

leave ding soap a

film

[Music]

Beauty after you use it a Halo leaves

your hair shining and glorious d free

and wonderfully easy to manage so

everybody hi there I'm Jane Meadows you

know the important thing to remember

from that cute little story is that

soaping dulls hair Halo glorifies it I

found that Halo glorified my hair with

my very first shampoo you'll find out

too when you use Halo America's favorite

shampoo

all right girls take a little 5 minute

break and I'll call you back in a little

while okay crazy

uh well M now we've been in rehearsal

for a week we don't know who's got the

parts nothing has happened what's what

let's get on the ball hey how about that

kid who's been trying to crash the

auditions he might be okay I threw this

kid out four times yesterday is he back

again no he probably gave up by now well

that's good won't see what's what's next

what should we have next uh the Johnny

Ray number we haven't got a man yet all

right I'll do it myself I'll do the

Johnny Ray

Blom joh R czy

czy I went

walking down by the

river all at once I saw by the river the

little white CL

cried he told me was very long time no

one car if he Liv or die

and said sometimes the thunder and

lightning would make a little white

[Music]

FL

I

I kicked you out fourth time yesterday

what are you doing back get out of here

get out of here well I just wanted to be

in the show you want it to be I want

I'll I'll I'll get out I I just wanted

to be in the show that that's but I'll

be

[Laughter]

back what you doing oh I'm just looking

how the sets are going to be how they

look take a look for

yourself pretty good huh yeah what

what's next uh uh that song and dance

routine with the three kids you want to

see them yeah bring them on out Hey Joe

send those three kids in Hit It

[Music]

L hi neighbors hi neigh what do you know

and what do you say Hi Neighbor my

neighbor wanted a way to

take El be

[Music]

there you're going to stand here and

come with that's your Trio oh yes we W

together a long time sir get out of here

oh well what I want to be in the show

sir you can't be in the show we need a

leading man and you're not the type oh

oh well well well well sir uh tell tell

me sir uh what what type are you looking

for well we need AC cross between a uh

Marlon Brando and uh the Continental a

little cross between that oh well that

that lets me out I'm not that tight sir

get out I I'll go sir

goodbye I'll be back for my name ain't

Marlon Brandon and

girls girls come on come on speed high

now we're going to do that new step to

the T you huh okay Luigi back

up like show business like no bu I know

up higher girls higher that's it little

more so Jerry can change his

costume all right go and rehearse a

little more and I'll see you later in

the

trunks there's a guy outside says he he

wants to try an audition for the leading

part he says he's kind of a cross

between uh Marlon Brando and the

Continental all right send him over on

that set I'll watch him over there okay

all

[Music]

right

Don't Be Afraid sweetheart it's only my

apartment come on inside

[Music]

sweetheart how do you like the way I did

the plate over or SE skin

Furniture a

beautiful a

bling

[Music]

I was hoping you

would would you uh what is it de you

don't feel

good are you

nauseous how about a drink

darling you don't want

[Music]

beer what champagne what do you think I

am a b

r i have know no

[Music]

champagne yeah a p

boy if you weren't so short it wouldn't

have got on you

baby hey drink

up I'm sorry babe Who you calling a

slob Who you calling a slob

no one asked you to come here anyway

baby want play check

it I clear the

[Music]

[Applause]

table go ahead it's your moves

we is like a

cigarette

here's the cigarette boys wewe

[Music]

are you've been going to the gym ain't

[Music]

you

uh let me light a cigarette for you

s you

know baby ba ba baby sweet your the

dress is on fire baby what do you I do

about the dress I don't care about the

dress but the seal skin Furniture maybe

the the dress is on fire sweethart why

do you want go want the dress St F

didn't you like the way I

back forget it forget the whole thing

hey boss I think your troubles are over

you think I think get started no Pat

Kelly the agent just called he said he's

got a leading man for you oh did you

hear that get out and get me some money

get out of here all right I'll go sir Go

sir goodbye sir goodbye

sir I'll be back for my name name Pat

Kelly hello Yello uh

this is Pat Kelly uh I'd like to talk to

Mr Martin if you don't mind just a

minute right Mr Martin

telephone hello hello Mr Martin this is

Pat

Kelly and uh I've got how you been Pat

uh not too bad not too bad indeed I've

got just the man you want good that's

all right good right excuse me S

right

now then what was that uh this boy uh I

thought I told you to get out of here oh

well I'm only making one call Sir it

can't cost you a moment's

time get out I certainly will yellow

yellow this boy is handsome and cve and

has got everything that you want for

your through all right well why don't

you send him on over to the apartment uh

well yes uh I was going to ask you that

because you can't come over to your

rehearsal Hall but he'll come over to

your apartment ton night now what is the

address the address is 4 24 South

Elevate uh we hold on just a

minute excuse me uh could you let me

have a pencil of paper please excuse me

that's all

right uh hello there hello uh what was

that address again uh 428 South elev

South way or south Elevate that's fine

now could you tell us how we get there

just uh let us know how we get

there hold on a sec yeah sure

thing you just told me to hold on a

second what was it now H how do we get

there you go down Wilshire about 14

blocks then you turn left on laaa Cross

caution go to Freight after you get

there you go to the sand dunes then see

the sand pits and you jump

in I'll go sir but I'm heartbroken

that's all I'm heartbroken oh come here

I think that you must you really must

love Show Business oh yes I do sir I

love show business when the man says

your car Mr first

nighter another opening another show I

love the GRE paint and the backstage and

the girls dancing and the shows and the

jugglers oh please let me be in your

show right oh pray tell me oh father of

a look you go now we need a male dancer

for the next thing you you know do you

dance oh yes I do sir I'd like to show

you the step I did in the ballet

Charlotte roof all

right well don't waste them don't waste

the steps you go ahead put on your

clothes and you can run out right out oh

thank you very much Mr all right girl

girl line up come on fast on the

Dubble get in line now get in line you

know as you know we we open in about 2

days now we don't want this show to be a

flop and you must take your time now you

remember gret at the Masonic temple and

you

were you lost your pain you didn't get

the show so you the step is the right

thing we do the time step four bars you

ready girls

[Music]

Luigi

[Music]

I I'm I'm all ready sir you look like

you're going fishing what are you going

to do I I want I want to

dance all right we get in line with the

rest of the girls all righty

[Music]

okay

[Music]

[Applause]

yeah

[Music]

what do you think you're doing I I was

dancing you were Dancing Yeah dance with

the girls all right all right I'm sorry

sir don't be sorry sir all right

[Music]

sir

you want it on a telephone on the phone

yeah look yours Mr aair here are you

show the girls what to do the same time

step and when you want them to stop blow

the whist what what do I do when they

should stop blow the whistle but blow

the whistle yes and give it good all

right bye

bye oh I I am in charge of the class

isn't that well I'm the monitor

H all right uh you know what I think we

should do uh now hear

me I think the best number for us to do

it is that one you know where they

[Music]

go

any of you know that number oh we show

us how it go yeah that's the one yeah

that's the one all right let's do that

one hit it

[Music]

label yeah they think they say this is

very good very good for you know

building up the body to dance all right

that's fine all right now let's hold it

there

let's

all right that's fine now let's do

another

let's

all hold

it all right all right all

right let's do another

[Music]

one

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

o no wo only a goon would waste the Moon

o chilly isn't it you sure have been

Bill what have I done well Joanie

sometimes a girl's best friend is her

well or

dentist ask him wise words Joan for

unpleasing breath I advise Colgate

Dental cream because only col Gates has

proved so completely it stops bad bread

scientific tests prove that in seven out

of 10 cases col Gates instantly stops

unpleasing breath that originates in the

mouth Yes col Gates has the proof it

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teeth moreover col Gates is preferred

for flavor over all other brands tested

and dental research has proved brushing

teeth right after eating with Colgate

Dental cream stops tooth decay best now

thanks to Colgate Dental Cream Jones

like the moon right on the beam your

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[Music]

teeth you know for a long time I want to

sing a little duet with you you would

uh-huh you want to do one right now

let's do a little nice sweet little

number like three blind mice or

something like just you and me you know

wait where did you come to such a thing

but you and me but there was nobody here

at the present time so I but nobody here

Dean what do you want to be what do you

want to be a Simon

l i mean I'm sitting in the dressing

room I'm I'm getting dry and I hear you

saying why don't we do a do went

together I don't talk that high look I I

don't

[Music]

why don't you than God all I know is I

want to be with you in the number all

right jouras jouras well what number

well I don't know how about the you know

Three Blind Mice no but I know a couple

of stray

cats you start this whole thing ready

Three Blind Mar all

right Three Blind Mice Three Blind Mice

three

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

R See How They Run Oh See How They

Run oh they're running and running and

boy are they far they're all

three

Three Blind

[Applause]

[Music]

M pal Olive's album of lovely women

women who've discovered Palm Olive

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skin says Alice Kean of

Indianapolis I was amazed the way Palm

Olive facials made my skin softer and

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14 days or less yes Palm Olive is all

you need for gentle Beauty care let your

beauty yes let your beauty be seen

brings up beauty while

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and for a beauty bath enjoy big bat size

palali ladies and gentlemen there's been

some talk about Dean Martin and Jerry

Lewis going overseas to appear at the

padium theater in London this summer

well it's not generally known but this

will not be the boy's first trip to a

foreign Shore the first trip was made

some 5 years ago when Dean and Jerry

were a very struggling Vaudeville team

now as a matter of fact here is the ship

on which the boys first made that trip

over 5 years ago so let's turn the

calendar back now and see what took

place on that first trip

abroad this the last Mr M where shall I

put them set the bag down here put the

cage up there huh good

don't go away don't go here thank you Mr

Martin sorry forget

it I'm I'm sorry sorry Herman I didn't

know you were sleeping get me out of

here D huh B get me out of here all

right keep keep talking I'll find you

come on D get out here what are you

doing down there

oh wait I'll find it keeping keep

talking I got as I remember come on

out it looks like you're not enjoying

the trip you should be happy say

something

say nice things to do to me I'm not

happy with you

happen we don't have the money why

should you have a beautiful state room

when I got to live in a g b well it

seems as it seems nothing Dean all I

know is now what going to you up the

name of this act is D Martin Jerry Lewis

not D Martin and

Porter F nothing all I know is

that what's matter what's

matter think you in

trouble

what's let

see oh I see I see I see now I

see ball

[Music]

[Music]

[Applause]

don't you understand that we haven't got

enough money for two tickets I don't

want I don't understand about I'm so M

you have to you have to be a snow away

if no one knows you're here then no one

knows the difference do you know

that who's there open the door Mr Martin

it's the

captain hey watch I'll make you walk the

[Music]

pl

[Music]

yeah

here well what seems to be the trouble

Captain excuse me it's all right we

heard there were starways on board and I

thought I heard a voice in here staway

in

here sway you're crazy no ST I thought

maybe if there were sways no no sways

here yeah if I found any I'd have to

throw you Bo in a brick in a brick no no

snow a there can you imagine spending s

days in that crummy

ohu there's nobody here open that I'll

take I'll see if there's anybody in here

or not something I don't

know nothing in that corner I didn't

think

so empty thought I was a far I told you

there's nobody here anyone can make a

mistake you know sure where are you here

when every once in a while we uh we find

these doorways on give where are

you

got a IRS and we got to England we turn

them over to Scotland Yard and then they

behind

them what'd you do with the par I he

you that's something for me

yeah what are you doing Martin talking

to yourself oh I'm just looking at my

old shrunken head I got new G drun

head couldn't find a human one huh yeah

is it is it fragile I mean can I touch

it be my guest

go turn to dve yeah I got to G it up

guess it ought to be wound up by now y

there we

[Music]

go watch up on that a big stor Brewing

oh thank you how do you like that how

about that every time I get ready to sit

down in my cabin with a nice quiet meal

something happens yeah yeah well I hope

it isn't a rough trip I hope it isn't a

rough trip I hope it isn't a rough

trip now's our chance Jerry dinner for

two up at the CET come on over the

captain gu come on let's go oh no oh no

why oh no why don't don't oh don't try

the line go ahead why what's the

line don't burden yourself with me oh

you go ahead I'll just stay here by

myself and die of

[Music]

mpion St dog come on jry a lot of good

food here wow you forced

me who ordered another stack of

chips oh boy I sure am hungry

d

boy yes sir boy I sure haven't GL that

we can come in here and I thought when

we left New York i' never get a chance

yeah I didn't think so either well it's

good stuff H oh boy this is terrific and

a captain's food that's the best food on

the ship you know you ain't just saying

that boy I sure am hungry Dean you know

when I left New York I was certain that

we never have a chance and

I I thought that

[Music]

[Laughter]

[Music]

that I thought we never got J J boy

here have some more Chicken

King oh maybe you like some cream

spinach how about that chicken

good green green Green

spin I thought when we left New York we

never

[Music]

get

[Music]

yeah I let me off we

never well I've never seen such

delicious it's all everything's so

creamy and wonderful and

beauti what

what tell them I don't care if they sail

the

ship I don't care if they run it fast

but up don't

rocket yeah D

Ro

[Music]

sh

no

o oh

air a

[Music]

that

me the ship

[Music]

air

[Music]

Ajax Ajax cleans your bathtub up to

twice as easy twice as

fast aex foing

CER get just like a

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elbow CLE a so use

[Music]

Ajax a no gry cerum

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CER scen just like

a remember Colgate Ajax Foams as it

cleans Ajax Cuts grease faster than any

other leading cleanser Ajax polishes as

it

cleans M and it smells good too so use

Ajax yes use Ajax for Ajax cleans all

bathroom surfaces up to twice as easy

and twice as fast as any other Le

leading cleanser get two cans one for

the kitchen one for the bathroom Ajax

performing action

cleanser thank you very much ladies and

gentlemen right now I'd like to

introduce four boys who we had the

pleasure working for with rather for two

or three years and then they took a

little Jun over to Europe they were a

great sensation over there so how about

a nice great big hand for the fabulous

Four Step

Brothers well your cats look real sharp

I just want to say not only do we want

to see you do your beautiful dance here

but I'd like to dance with him myself we

like that you like that wait wait

wait where where where did you come to

this where did I come to what I mean

where did you come to this you you'll

dance with the po boys I mean just tell

me how do you

figure well let's not make a big here to

do about it I don't want to make no to

do here all I know is I feel It's my

prerogative to dance with you also with

them the same

time all right you want to dance with it

let's all get in line and let's go all

right let's do that talk you you ready

go

[Music]

Lael

[Music]

oh they're not dancing why aren't you

dancing why aren't you dancing that's

not dancing B we want to swing the way

we do it the AR way me and Jack look out

now look how cool

ass

[Applause]

[Music]

talk

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

hey hey hey hey me Fu

[Music]

me

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

I

[Applause]

[Music]

[Music]

[Applause]

go St all right step back the old man's

out here

now there goes

speeding don't dirt yourself pu

[Music]

[Applause]

me

[Music]

step back cuz I'm coming back

man look out for the jolly

tiger you may not be back

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

this

[Music]

AB

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

well ladies and gentlemen uh I'm

that's that's all right we we make up

for it in

money we give it away uh ladies and

gentlemen wow how many minutes speak up

1 minute one minute oh we can get l in

an hour we i' like to say that next week

your favorite AV Castell will be on the

Colgate Comedy Hour we'd like also to

say very briefly you've been so

wonderful the muscular distrophy

Association at mda8 New York New York

and we want to thank you from the bottom

of our hearts for helping a disease that

thought that they would never have any

hope that's mda8 New York New York

please send your contributions for a

very very worthy cause we'd like also to

say don't forget next week freaking

re we'd like to say that Dean and I will

be back in the fall we'd like to thank

Ernie luxman a great producer Ed Simmons

and Norman Leo wonderful writers Kingman

teore in the booth the crewman the

cameramen the wonderful people who have

made our television a very very

memorable event each time we did it and

also we want to thank the crew the next

fall the memberships every and of course

our very wonderful m Joe our arranger

and conductor dick stel and until we

have the Good Fortune of working for you

again on behalf of Z and myself may God

bless bless you and keep you we wish we

could afford you good night God God

bless

[Applause]

yall the Colgate Comedy Hour has been

presented by Halo

shampoo goldgate d

[Music]

dream Ajax

sper and pal Olive

so

the k p company invite you to listen to

Bob and Ray on radio every weekday

morning and the big payoff on television

every weekday afternoon featured in

tonight's cast were Hal Sawyer Jack

fiser Jack George Peter votrian and Lee

Erikson be sure and tune in again next

week at the same time when the Colgate

Comedy Hour will star Aid and Castello

with their special guest Vera

zorina two weeks from tonight Donald O

Conor will bring you Hedy Lamar and her

television

debut 3 weeks from tonight the goldgate

Comedy Hour will star Eddie gander

ladies and gentlemen forest fires

destroy life and property if you are

picnicking or camping this summer always

be sure your matches cigarettes and

campfires are completely out and now

good night for the Colgate Comedy Hour

which has been presented by the goldgate

pal Le company fers of quality products

since

[Applause]

1806