Original subtitles

you

[Music]

okay sawing Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis

with Eve young Ray Malone Danny are no

harder to Martin my freezer key resented

by the Colgate Palmolive seat company

makers of pillow sham please take me

revoke a hand lotion and file the new

one

but how the Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis

go

[Music]

as you know all this week we've had all

the holidays sanitation we had a hockey

Bobby and got a good so today they

don't have a wonderful spot I've invited

to dedicate this man to pay us a visit

and I know they're great davidís stuff

yard and they're coming here let's say

you know without further ado here are

your very own David G coffee and

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oh here we are

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look at it screaming and yelling hold it

down just a little and it looks like a

nürnberg dry we knew it it's a

little joking like that though we came

right over

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like a faces my face and a minute laughs

look at this yo oh yeah hey yeah you

know wait a Declaration of Independence

was signed sure we're at the bottom

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Laurie the 14th was responsible for yeah

Roy 250 why not in we get high no man oh

you know I

Oh what kind of little lipid come with

it I'll brakes always be friends what

I'd want to be nice time taken and we'll

be friends and we won't fight all right

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you can't do that for my partner

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you did it again I do not know it's good

they're not regular children no got a

thumb right now I'm going back I'm gonna

get dressed for my cloth

I'm gonna use the phone and hurry up

I'll iris go do all these call you you

know I was wrong give me the roll why

did you with the RO what do you got a

wrong I'm going to I'm going back and

I'm gonna get ready for the song now

when I well so when I'm dressed and the

set is ready I'll give it a jerk like

this that means introduce my song how

are open I think it's deli it's not the

boys fell off are Melissa doing the only

thing with a rope well all I can say is

that we're very happy to be back on

television and if we want to say we want

to say that we have a wonderful show

that we feel is probably one of the

slowest moving things you've ever seen

raucous laughing because don't cover my

intelligent work I'm not well at all but

I would like I would like to tell you a

very funny joke that I started well I

told this joke about three years ago and

it's - I think it's about two guys and

the fridge digested or they're ready to

do the number

all right right right after this joke

you only take a second these two guys

say to listen well one guy looks would

be on any page look all right it's a

quick stroke

take a second the ones I just discovered

all right one sec one second I gotta

fill the show

that's one guy says to the other

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everybody

hallo shampoo with em the real inside

story of Goldilocks and the three bears

young lady you've eaten all our junior

porridge but did it kid of course I'm

supposed to I'm golden ah he's not

golden up her hair isn't pretty

let's watch it and find out not with

that so we don't hair halo glorifies

Christ halo shampoos not a so for a

cream so it can't leave going book

filled Hey look at the plug if he's

really Goldilocks halo example don't

lose it now let's take a look easy

commie mark hello everybody

they love it always examples above are

your hair's going awesome

remember don't things out there halo

glorifies it music segment dandruff free

and wonders be he be too many so hello

everybody hello hello all

hi this is Martin ending you know you

don't have to be a golden ox to glorify

your head no matter what color your hair

may be pillow with its patented

ingredients leave hair must be soft and

shining from the very first shampoo halo

shampoo America's favorite side

[Music]

I am well I can't do it unless my new

assistant gets here see I'm waiting for

my new assistant you mean there's going

to be another lifeguard like you well

let's get there to solve another life

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hello I want you all hello everyone well

here we are with could be here we are

Oh befall anyone I fail what are you

doing around here

although I know I got a planet Earth and

yes well I just heard that you needed

someone fearless and courageous and here

I am aren't I adorable oh now I'm going

to teach you how to save a girl from

Jean oh yes I have to know what I'm very

back yeah yeah hello lately now you got

it what you'll swim up to the girl right

swim up not bad you put your hand on a

small of attack when you ran up on the

water you put her arm around here now

watch yourself because you're gonna and

then you swim away boys watch becomes a

minimal way with all of that just keeps

women away little way that important the

dinner is boy

all right I'm gonna rule little dad what

is your now I got fired

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hey I get her here no no oh I think

always take your time and you're about

to do something no I'm not no nice they

could be a gentlemen in the water

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armored not want to go in might be a

little delicate when you do okay I stare

around the neck so tell us in a marine

she's an ungrateful wench my favor from

apology I just wanna about what what's

your name Oh my name is Marvin M MEarth

box what Sam for Marvin Marvin Marvin

nerds that's my name sir come tomorrow

how'd you come to this

Wilton feature when I was a child I was

very very difficult when will you start

to yell for supper that is modern Bobby

Oh

we're going to be called Marvin Marvin

my friends call me Sidney can you swim

Kenna can I swim back the way buddy I

get on that board

and I go oh as the flat wheel and then I

get up on the biggest board right knees

in and I take a book to class and a

backswing and I flutter and pull and I

slide along the water

he wasn't oh can I swim and you now I

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rock now here we go away

yeah maybe we can get a game no they're

not allowed to play look no ball playing

oh now go over and you stop your the

lifeguard stop and complain one of my

job it's your whole job you hear but he

please big fellow nice no get them cut

them down to your side good and I don't

want to play ball on you boo-boo

call me a holder Eastern alright

buddy

gotta play ball on a beat

all right stop with the flame power all

right let's have a ball right here buddy

let's have that for another ball it all

right let's let the ball bodies are

let's get the ball give me the ball you

give me the ball so that the ball hard

give it is blood boy I ain't it

let's wrap it up give me a block just a

second look I just want to talk again

let me tell you what the whole huge we

care but there you're not allowed to

play ball on the piece oh you mean I'm

not allowed to play wallaby no oh it's

against the law yes when I love you mind

if I play on the other side no go right

ahead

thank you okay well we're here hey na na

might be one of your Italian friends

Winry worse bad

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here's what I want you to do yeah what I

want you to go home what I saw a

beautiful girl

I can see her as well as you saw her

while I fight and I'm enticed to look

upon her as well roasted someone oh yes

my dad baked the lunch and he made all

these beautiful booties I'll get it okay

ha ha hello baby

hi I would just add I better break this

up before he loses his appetite

well the goodies already let's have one

her what do you think don't you know the

three is a crowd

you're right get lost baby get going

Oh of all the idiotic things I've never

what is it well it wasn't enough for her

you and I it's just your life and we'll

have a wonderful hold enough for two

people

oh I think you're fine so we have some

of the most wonderful fool you've ever

seen and my daddy tracks everything for

me there ain't happening to me my daddy

yam what he's been working and slaving

amid delicious food for my picnic the

wonderful man that has been cooking for

me ever since they took mother away the

jokes

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mate look at these aren't they delicious

nutritious bananas they're good for you

very good and we're going to have a

wonderful time here just you along with

all this wonderful food wonderful pull

up look you over for a salad and the

salad place is root three to four back

great

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oh man a Mexican salad you white rag us

Ricky shared our brother that's right

damn myself the man is a very new face

yeah I'm Becca what are we going to need

on Oh daddy's thinks of everything sir

we had folded yeah

that is daddy painted everything first

and we're going to have a wonderful time

it must be some other stuff dad you

didn't

oh please fellas I was going I think

somebody's right now I'm gonna save them

relax in addition I'm you're thinking

you're going to go mean saving sir come

on growling here we go hi baby

I can't look at this sword

look this man is embed you don't take

the clothes out of water water yeah my

little warning oh my goodness gracious

sir look at him that's what you get for

going into the water ass eating lunch if

you'd wait a while

never go in the water after eating lunch

my best man he's got a lot of water now

you need a little artificial respiration

what do you think of artificial

respiration it'll never take the place

with the real thing

give him some artisanal our official

official right now don't you think you

should be on his belly your way

Oh Lulu yeah you're going to put your

head right here Prasad

you know getting air in the lungs and

the water will come up you thought you

saw me yep I don't even know him oh I'm

sorry

gosh this is Marvin hello hello that

glass is misplaced

right yes

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you let too hard do it slices I do it

lightly yeah yeah I didn't do all yeah

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you don't think I understand you what's

life like right look what what me or the

one what look

Oh like be my date on the forecast look

you're very nice this kid picked up a

storm

I am very white Hanna

alrighty nah I don't

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oh my god

oh wow because about

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Jordan Harvick Fredrik

now you don't know how to good then who

should have been here when I caught him

I've okay guys in the open

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that's why she fires without a breach

and any other products where is asleep

fast our fighters - two solid fighters

you get a team to live with have a seat

yes that want to fight her without ugly

did you say fighters without a bleep yes

fastest riders yet you call a fighter

you can't bring your boss baby get

Colgate Neal bad it washes whiter

without preaching than any other product

known with bleach in the wash water good

day ma'am have you tried this newly

improved fab my customer sure go for the

wave fab wash his clothes player without

reaching than any other suds with

bleaching now you take mrs. Jim who has

four active kids to watch for she was

telling me that fab gets her big wash

fighter without freaking than any other

said she's used with a bleed from the

wash water

everybody says fab is so terrific I'm

taking some home to the missus how about

you ma'am this is Robert Young Harrison

New York tried fab here's what she says

I'm going to hang up what often seems

like the biggest wash in the state of

New York you know with these two

youngsters my family boss is no joke I

always had to use a bleach then I found

out you don't need bleach when you use

bad so now fab washes our clothes

fighter without bleaching then any studs

I've ever used with a bleach in the wash

water next wash day try Colgate you fast

[Music]

thank you thank you very much ladies and

gentlemen

we like to say it was very wonderful to

us throughout our last season we've been

very very happy and thrilled to appear

on your Colgate Comedy Hour we'd like to

make mention of the fact right about

here that our new pictures have been

affixed to taking Oceana I know Texas

tality where opens in six hundred and

some-odd theaters tomorrow night for a

preview for the United States and then

at the end of January Stella beware will

be shown throughout the country to your

consumption on behalf of mr. Howle all's

Dina myself we should like very much to

thank the silent service that is a

submarine service with a very wonderful

collaboration and helping us make Sailor

be with the pretty funny picture we kind

of think and we think you may like it

and we'd like you to go see it and look

for it at your neighborhood theater my

tongue gotten away my eye tooth and I'm

so nervous

heavens to Betsy knows what's going to

come out but once again uh did you hear

mr. Wallace the way we said it nice and

unison running out like this is like

vintage

they have fellows standing out in the

audience going like this people don't

want to applaud but this one fella with

a new your phone on the right piece and

he goes come on business but we like to

present a young lady ladies and

gentlemen when our humble opinion is one

of the brightest stars would come along

the children's and to rise in a many

years

Dean and I or business or we should say

we listen to her life is so very much

that we thought we would presenter to

you'll see or approval along with the

gentleman who's been in television for

some time a guy who played to cope in

New York with us mr. Ray Malone we'd

like very much to present miss Eve Jung

rain alone in that conception and so

their consumption and their that Ray

Malone and each young and their

complaint here they are boy

yes sir there's nothing like being

nervous that's one thing other

performers are nervous when it comes to

me I know what I'm doing in anyhow

[Music]

you know ladies I don't have to tell you

that after doing your daily household

chores your hands often get so rough and

dry they almost feel like sandpaper

isn't that right yes you know that but

here's something you may not know

cashmere bouquet hand lotion can make

your sandpaper hands feel smooth and

caressable and do it in just 10 seconds

and here's why cashmere bouquet absorbed

like a lotion it's softened like a cream

and then drive fast we're not sticking

it just watch for the drop of water on

your hand and yes in seconds you can

have nothing in resulting name is

Melanie okay hmmmm caressable cannot see

for yourself tomorrow how in just 10

seconds even sandpaper hands seem

correctable thanks to Kashmir by caring

hand lotion with the sacred men love for

you has little paper

[Music]

very much ladies and gentlemen it is a

very happy show and it's a comedy show

but I'm very sad I'm very very sad

because my Aunt Jean and Brooklyn just

called me and he's very sad because our

family well we're very clannish and we

love one another see and I had an Uncle

Louie a long time ago that I never met

that was missing some 30 years ago but

it is no joke and we miss him very much

especially the older folks in the family

they asked if I could utilize television

because it's 50 million listeners I

asked them if they ever stole my Uncle

Louie they should call me on a farmer

tell me maybe Santa why or write a

letter I'll show you his picture Uncle

Louie he loved Uncle Louie and we'd love

to find him and if anyone ever saw him

and you recognize him from this big -

please call us or Wireless or write us

and let us know this is my Uncle Louie

he's a very sweet man

[Music]

laughter he's a nice so long for so if

any of you people ever saw this man

please wire phone or write me collect or

however you want to do it and we don't

care what it cost but we must find him

for the benefit of the family now that I

secure that on with the show I would

like very much yes there's a telephone

call for you Oh My heavens it might be

about my Uncle Louie huh Frankie Skippy

hello help help hello yes you know my

Uncle Louie oh you do really oh yes I

say anything to find him I swear oh yes

I would $20,000 well brother maybe

[Music]

$100,000 all right I'll pay it I'll send

it over to the birdie wheel bank in the

morning yeah our life when it does now

is telling me where my Uncle Louie where

where where all right thank you very

much I'm so happy I found them up all my

auntie nutella thank you very much I saw

my Uncle Louie thank you

my time I've had a very special request

to repeat a number that I did on last TV

show called comma Bella Bella Bemis so

Richard if you don't mind time talk to

me

do you happen to know what you just did

yeah what's helping you like another

Jimmy - yeah you was helping me yeah

absolutely calling them by we playing

with I had a special request to do this

number why help you be why did you help

me you lost the whole thing up why do

you insist on doing these things to me

fooling around fooling around I made it

oh no because I guess they got performed

so everyone can get away I play or not

looks fun

yeah I did it ain't all that this is it

what this is the whole thing now we'll

give me are you or not with you this is

it we're true but often you are not

foolin early

but what no he kids around I'm not

kidding around look through hands in

your equipment give me a couple good

time your salary your tap shoes all

right go your trumpet

[Music]

give me the trumpet later I will give

you the trumpet

once more all right

[Music]

well now that I got rid of him I think

I'm roasting about three or four little

numbers that we hope you won't mind

here's me being I've been with you and

joy over the past three and a half years

yes nice good I've never seen you do

anything like this before this little

kid oh he's happy doesn't like we're

happy yeah you mean by treat him like

that I didn't think would hurt so much I

think it would hurt oh poor kid is

heartbroken

well I why did you got to do a thing

like that

what is bothering me I bother you he's

probably trying to do away with himself

1:00 p.m. I'm sorry the sweetest little

kid NEWater loves you very dearly and

you'd see them like that you want to be

ashame yourself I'm sorry what can you

do I thought you say what can I do now

you think of it don't you

this poor kid he's probably going to do

a lot of wrong things now

[Music]

yes I'm happy I feel unhappy a year I

explore again I got everybody yeah then

I came out again II I believe me I'm

very glad because it's gonna be a top

win it

yeah I know you're glad too and I know

why you know why I'm glad yes I do

okay what five that good man now a day

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ah thank you

[Music]

you're very wide audience yeah alright

then alright no seriously that is

gentleman Dean and I receive our Dean

Martin jailers Colgate Comedy Hour El

Capitan Theatre Hollywood we have just

learned that you are making an appeal

for the victims of muscular dystrophy on

television tonight by 250 children in

wheelchairs we'll be watching you they

send you their loving things and thank

you so much for being so wonderful to

them Frank Holland Chicago chapter MD a

we'd like very much to say that this is

a very very worthy cause and a very very

difficult cause there is no cure there's

no cause they need money very very badly

within the next two months but you could

find it in your hearts to send just

something to help children and they die

any day it's 21 East 40th Street New

York 16 New York 21 East 40th Street New

York 16 New York healthy kids you're

just imagine if you know there's

supposed to be about 40 at least 40

million people watching this show and as

you imagine just every person would just

spend in one penny what would happen it

would be wonderful to help a lot of jobs

and do that to yourselves do it for us

because we all love children we all have

them you've been wonderful to us we

thank God that we can work for you and

for such wonderful people Donald

O'Connor next week good night god bless

good night

[Music]

come be our presented by both a handful

hey Zach and Sam the new wife Amy Martin

and Jerry Lewis company commissioned

directed by Ernest Augustus television

director Kim min-hee will NBC production

supervisor Sam fuller written by Ed

Simmons of Norman Lear

here's the director big studio

choreography by Ray Malone art director

first own customers by Kate James market

testing director how is wrong the 13mp

supervisor Robert is an associate TV

director Arthur Penn assisted technical

director Bob Shiller's audio engineer

Harold club bike by outside the door

they pummel accompanied by solicitor mr.

mrs. north on radio every Tuesday night

and cyclist on TV every wednesday night

and these are in tune in again next week

at the same time when the Colgate Comedy

Hour will star Donald O'Connor with a

special guest Harpo Marx and Marie

McDonald until it's tonight evidence

Estella will be your star and their

guests will be Errol Flynn underfunding

his headaches and three weeks is a night

any tenderer will be back again now the

type for the Colgate Comedy Hour which

has been presented by the go game Palmer

makers of quality products in 1806

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