Original subtitles

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oh

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everybody

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[Applause]

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Hut know the

and forget youres and join the we put TR

on

the this is

you we're taking our

final while we are here you join

will disaar while we are here if you

join

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our Mr and Mrs Charles conney

Mr and Mrs Walter

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christol Mr Dean Martin and Mr Jerry

Lewis

[Applause]

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I wrestle you in

England the

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party I have you

oh please ask me partner Jerry Lewis Mr

Lewis may I have your of course of

course you have a pen a pen a pen pen

pen

pen thank you very much you're very kind

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what are you doing to my husband's shirt

it it was an accident I made a diting

what do you mean it was an accident you

burned his shirt I'm awfully sorry but

it was an accident see what are you

going to do about it nothing it was an

accident what can I do you can buy him a

new shirt what do you mean buy him a new

sh it with an accident what bu I will

not I don't buy

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[Applause]

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all is everything all right

FR you have all mine

hair everything is clear we can talk the

there's mine

here you got the

paper have all M

here someone is

coming don't say a

boy you realize of course this is the

day when we must sing the song that the

F taught us for the right start the G

the yes this is the place this is the

day we must sing the song Everybody

sings from their heart for the F and the

father for the f are you ready ready

ready D B and the six piece Orchestra

five and Dr

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crazy you may me do crazy things what

are you doing out here in the first

place we just getting around what do you

want to start an argument in the

beginning of the show

already I come out here to have a lot of

fun you want to start with the F bubble

what is this kind of talk I was just

getting around what do you want to argue

with me right away for after all the

things I do for you you show no

gratitude whatsoever what'd you ever do

for me give me a for instance I'll

gratitude

you you want to for instance huh yeah

remember last year when you were sick

yeah what happened I got

better I mean what did the doctor tell

you what did he say what did the doctor

say he gave me 6 months to live who

brought your

calendar I did mine ha I mean I

did but this I your gratitude you what

do you want to fight with me for Dean

what do you want to argue with me why

don't you just let me alone I'll I'll

let you alone let me sing my song what

sing your song that's a trouble you sing

and you stand out here and you sing all

your numbers and I stand in the back

nobody sees me good at Lee let me

introduce it let me say something you

want to introduce the song yes so they

know that you promise you'll do it nice

and legitimately yeah I won't say

nothing no no jokes nothing D you

promise you won't huh what are you

what's with the lip what's with the lip

you breaking the whole YW go ahead I

would like to induce my partner's first

song a song entitled I'm going to sit

right down and write myself a letter

this is a very beautiful it's a very

very beautiful number the dean does out

of the graciousness of his heart condemn

in no one and realizing the fact that

remains that whether you may be

pugilistic or not the feeling may still

attain the fact that Pro oh I know many

people

[Applause]

say that Jerry usually I would get mad

right usually I would get mad when you

did this I didn't get mad I'm glad

you're out here you are I'm happy to see

you after what I did to this first song

I'm happy to see you believe me you're

happy to see me sure I want you out here

with me you're going to hit

me what do you mean I'm going to hit you

you're never happy with me no I'm glad

you're out of you know why why I want

you should help

me I want you should help me yeah that's

as bad as up the street the soldiers

they're coming

down oh you see I want to show that we

have a little uh versatility birth

fatality yeah you've been reading

without me again so I figured that we'd

show them how uh you know a man and wife

how they argue you know what I mean how

they try to get back together again how

they try to get back together again

uhhuh all right you want to do the

number with me yeah will you excuse me

surely bye bye ladies and gentlemen

right now we'll give you our impression

of a a man and a woman woman trying to

reconcile whatever this means and uh I

shall play the part of the man and Jerry

shall play the part of the lady what

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else I can't go any place you got no

money I can't show my face you had your

nose

fix people stop and stare are you for

real

well it's so hard to bear I know

Teddy Teddy yeah so hard to Bear Teddy

Teddy

Bear everybody knows you love

me what you mean to me you abuse me and

continually slap me in just how long do

you think I could stand

it well it's a t of the town it's your

mother she can't keep her mouth

let's make up

sweetheart oh we can't ever you like

me We Don't Stop to

speak though it's been a

week six days don't

lie how can love like hours be

ended it's the dog of the time

well if your mother keep her mouth shut

no one has to know our business I'll

never forget the first few you and I Bo

we sent out imitations to friends and

our relations announcing our wedding day

me and my gray sequin down with the long

train I said to Edith I said did you

ever see a thing like this in your life

I had great sequence and in all my

life friends and our relations let I

give

congratulations no

present how can I face

him but what am I going to

say you mean about the

baby let's make up

sweethart we can't stay apart it's a

physical

attraction all that bullish

Pride keep you from my side coax me send

me

Hala everybody

know not kind your mother I told you you

than you for m

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[Applause]

Martin and Lewis aren't the only Zanies

on this program but the next ones you'll

meet have some very helpful household

hints put to music every cleanup job is

a chore but these three little friends

of mine have shown me me a way to speed

the work and make it easier tell them

about it

fellas use

ainger get things clean just like a

whiz you stop paying the

elbow when you start cleaning with Ajax

so you ax the foaming

cleanser the dirt right down

the ax leaves no gritty cleanser

in tub or sink so

youing

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CER

[Applause]

down they sold me fat so slim and Tiny

did and I discover that Ajax with

foaming action really does clean and

half with half the effort and twice the

speed

smells good

too foaming action does the real work

try it Ajax the foaming

cleanser ladies and gentlemen the

Colgate Comedy Hour now invites you

backstage of the international theater

to visit the personal dressing rooms of

its Stars Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis

here we have Mr Martin's dressing room a

Charming combination of Rich color and

Fine Furniture truly a backstage home Mr

Martin's distinctive taste is reflected

in the Exquisite decor and beautiful

appointments of his unusual dressing

room ah and there we find Dean Martin

resting on his luxurious sha

law Mr Martin is getting up now

he's going over to his dressing

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table I see he's merely checking his

makeup now he sprays his throat he

sprays his

throat now for a drink of

water uh-oh there's the telephone

and while Dean is on the telephone

suppose we look in on Jerry Lewis you

know of course that Dean and Jerry are

great friends as well as 5050 Partners

share and share alike so of course

Jerry's room is right next door to

Dean's shall we look

in and here we are the dressing room of

Jerry

Lewis Jerry's room seems to have been

decorated a little different but

Charming

nonetheless I see that Jerry has been

resting too he seems to be getting

up and like Dean Martin Mr Lewis checks

his makeup

too he's combing his

hair and now he sprays his throat

then a little

water a little

water a little more

water iy iy what fair this is no good

we're supposed to be partners I don't

like this room I'm in no and now you got

this beautiful place and look at this

hole in the world I'm living in that's

no fair no I don't like it at all

hey why didn't you bring my trunk in see

that's what I mean that's not being

50-50 Partners I'm suppos what do you

mean it's not being 50/50 Partners I

carry the ACT you carry the luggage go

get the trunk go get the trunk all right

I'll get the trunk and when I bring it

in an I get finished giving you the

trunk Believe Me Oh

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Boy come in come in hello Mr Martin my

name is frisbee oh I'm the NBC man who

sees that all of our NBC stars have

everything they want now are you

satisfied with your dressing room oh

very very nice well that's fine here at

NBC we feel that nothing is too good for

our Stars you know now if there's

anything more that I can do I would like

to have a little extent Jerry watch

watch

yourself watch

yourself don't sit on my L get over here

till I'm ready for you Mr Frisbee I'd

like to have this phone an extension

over here so you know I won't have to

get up sir I'll make a report of

Maintenance they take care of it right

away sir all thank you very much Frisby

here watch him let him get out are very

IDE what are you standing around with

the trunk on your back put it

down not in my room in your

room put it in your room

no it's very fair de I don't like this

Arrangement whatsoever what do you mean

you don't like this what I don't like

this Arrangement

whatsoever you know between you and this

heat I'm going crazy it's so hot and

then you got to aggravate me I'm going

to call Mr Frisbee and he'll send up a

fan what you got to call

him or what do you got to call him I

mean don't you end your sentence no I

said what do you got to call him poor

poor what po what po oh I want to call

him because I need a fan so what do you

want to call him up for see what do you

want to call him up for see what see

nothing I got a fan in my room you want

it I'll get it go ahead give me the fan

it'll cool off the whole room you don't

have to call nobody I always carry it in

my suitcase good this is very Splendid

of you yeah

see this is going to cool what cool off

the whole room this couldn't cool off a

cup of coffee what do you mean stld to

me for 79 C he said it's very good it

makes everything cool oh come on stop

kidding well give the chance a kid let

me

try give what give the chance a kid they

didn't hear it this

is you want to plug this in a wall yeah

if I plug it in to see it'll make air go

ahead be my

guest this is terrific de I never hi

where I this before I fig it's going to

be nice this this van here the refence

yes

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not the light jry turn off the

not the war in here for all those

clothes why you

stupid clean up the place clean up the

pl here clean up the place don't you

know the other acttion coming

over got to do everything wrong I never

do anything right all right I just tried

that's all you better call call them up

W make sure they're come over hurry up

and call them up hello come over for the

re how you do you told me to hurry up

you dial First oh you dial

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[Music]

information hello you got to come over

for me don't use my phone why I'm making

a call for you you're talking go ahead

and use your own phone

boy one of these days you're going to

miss me

[Music]

honey

hello hello J answer the phone yeah

hello hey will they answer the phone

hello

hello what are you doing with the phone

[Music]

something say

hello say hello hello

stop cut the W cut the W cut the I

got pull it out the wall pull it out of

the wall pull it out hurry up pull it

out hurry up the ring is got me crazy

pull it pull it out

[Applause]

most of my customers usually dial for

the

operator yeah but I was calling poison a

poison get out of

here hey hey hey it's the doorbell not

the phone well it's in your room

everything's 50/50 yeah I'll tell you

you do

it oh you're right heard yeah who has

the oh good now look Sam come here Sam

now look you just finished three years

in the legion see and you see Ida and

you want to Jerry make the lights a

little brighter huh bright light bright

light and then Jerry and I we came in

from this entrance see little little

dial and as as he comes in he

says turn off the P Jerry why turn off

the P why to

right what do you mean why to right

turn off the

pan turn off the here what's going on in

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here oh I never were so humiliated oh my

dear fellow oh now you know what I'm

going through I don't like this room he

started everything ah you're lucky you

got a room I'm not lucky nothing I don't

like this room and I don't like the way

things are going here as a matter of

fact I don't even want to be on the same

floor with you well suppose we look at

something on the second floor oh that's

a good idea second floor step to the

rear car going up dear ladies

[Music]

Miss Maxwell loves a guy what guy could

help liking Miss

Maxwell but there are times when a very

pretty girl seems less attractive than

she'd like for example a very Charming

young lady named Joan was sitting at

home one day when she

heard Joan

Joan Who Who Are You friend your friend

you've been thinking about your

complexion haven't you yes it's so sort

of dull I wish I knew what to do that's

why I'm here and here's the key to your

answer why it's Palm Olive soap that's

right and now I'm going to show you the

way to a really Lovelier complexion what

do I do just follow

me now

then gently massage Palm Olive's

wonderful soft mild la onto your face

for about a

minute feel your skin waking up now

rinse and pat dry and remember do what

you're doing three times a day within 2

weeks Joan you too can have a Lovelier

complexion remember that my dear for

I'll be back to see

you not just a promise scientific test

on 1285 women supervised by 36 leading

skin Specialists proved conclusively

that in just 14 days the the mile

cleansing Palm Olive Way brings most

women Lovelier

complexions well Joan your 14 days are

up isn't there a difference oh there is

there is look at me the difference in my

complexion how can I ever thank you

don't thank me my dear thank Palmolive

your best complexion friend for Palm

Olive soap facials brought you just as

they do two out of three women a

Lovelier complexion in just four 15 days

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it's Wembley sir the usher in the second

balcony I think he's gone out of his

mind well he's been alone too much I

know my face I know my face a face a

human face oh Mr Martin I haven't seen a

human being in six

mon those seats those RS of seat they

keep watching

me this is such a lonely

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business

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[Applause]

lonely you know that's the second Usher

we lost this week don't worry sir we may

be lonely but movies are better than

ever good boy Bradford for that you get

a bigger

flashlight

this Mr Martin yes someone's coming

toward the theater maybe we can sell a

ticket oh you have to sell a ticket I'll

go in and tell the rest of the boys and

you know what to do

I think I got a leak in my

basketball hi

handsome my name is

Melvin haven't we met somewhere before

Melvin you play basketball

no but uh do you have an older brother

no well do you have a youngish

father no but I have a pet turtle do you

want it well I wouldn't think of taking

your pet turtle oh that's all you could

have it it's no use to me you see a

dead

well how about going in to see the movie

huh no I can't I got to get home before

my mother why I'm wearing a

sneaker ah come on we'll hold hands each

other uhhuh we'll hold my

[Music]

basketball oh what do you say let's go

no I can I got to go home and do

something what I got to go home and

watch

television don't ever say that word kid

be careful what

television that's the one just don't say

it I shouldn't say Mr Martin Mr Martin I

have someone here to see you well Sunny

are you ready to buy a ticket my name is

Melvin yeah I figured it would be so are

you ready to buy a ticket what's with

the ticket I don't know if from no

ticket I was just on my way to watch I

was on my way you mean you don't want to

see a movie no why movies are better

than ever that's what my mother always

says oh your mother likes movies no why

did she say that I should question my

mother the line forms to the right over

here right over here sell this man a

ticket from daily you're selling this a

ticket you give me a story on that well

I saw him coming down here what do you

me I got a

igle sell this man a ticket give me you

all my basketball now you walk right in

here right through those doors and you

see a beautiful beautiful

picture Melvin where you going he told

me into door I should go to see the

beautiful pict without

popcorn you're going in the theater

without popcorn I I I don't like are you

out of your mind no I like I I don't

like this popcorn you mean you you're

going into this theater without pop

you're not going to buy popcorn for the

theater the theater is popcorn don't get

smart not getting smart I don't need

this you may me buy a ticket against my

jurisdiction I don't want to go to

movies in the voice place now you want

me to buy popcorn I was going home

minding my own business I was just going

home to watch

[Music]

television what did you say I on mind in

my own business I and watch

television you should never have said

that word I should never said that word

never

never you give me a hit in the head like

this so hot a hot H in the head if I

said

television maybe I should have said

TV

video what do I got to say get hit for I

don't want none of this I bought a

ticket to movie I'm going to movie

without the popcorn how do you like that

without the popcorn haa so there to

boy you think you're going in there

without buying some popcorn no one has

ever gone in there without eating

popcorn Everybody Eats popcorn yeah but

I I don't want you don't want to be

different do you no but I you see that

box of cranchi popcorn I suggest you buy

some buy some immediately immediately I

don't like poporn it makes me buy good

for you good for me to

poporn come here this

is I do there I there that crazy maniac

is in there and it's empty in St scar I

don't want to go in here by myself easy

easy I'll go in with you you're going to

theater with me sure enough help you eat

your popcorn yeah but I'm scared to go

there by myself I'll go with you come on

in you can eat all the pop one I don't

like it I went the movie Once by myself

and I got so scared CU it was dark and I

got scared and I went home I my and you

didn't let me ever go to movies again by

myself mov right now

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my

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[Applause]

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