Original subtitles

you

Sometimes it's painful to be inarticulate.

You know, to never have the right thing to say when it really matters.

Like you might spend your entire life thinking you're dealing with a square

because it looks like a square and acts like a square or feels like whatever.

But then one day you turn a corner and realize that actually it's... Not a

square.

It never was.

All along you've just been staring at the flat face of a cube.

section of the petrol with the retro car jay -z word of second hand on red and

heart love it for me don't try proceed to tell me i patch like guy who isn't if

you question need that monthly

We'll see you next time.

I'm going to do better than that. I'm going to do regular gas. Regular fare.

I'll bring all your clothes in the air. I think we're leaving this show.

Only fair.

I have no other life. So I don't know. I guess if yours is mine. Why does it

matter if it's otherwise?

Why haven't you left me in a long time?

I'm not with the stick. Take it slow. You won't listen. Break the clock. Slow

down. I've been thinking when it's different.

Every thing that you're missing right here.

I'm going to do better than that. I'm going to do better than that.

As I take a look at the little granite When everything went too blue when you

found it

Let's keep posting pictures of her everywhere.

Are you going to post?

No, it's not like she's going to see it.

Ready?

Yeah, as I'll ever be.

Oh, sorry

Don't be.

Okay.

Cool.

You... You look really nice.

Um, thanks.

You look... I mean, you look, like, really, really good.

You think so?

Yeah. I mean, duh.

You're, like, really cute.

Take a little bit of time.

I heard it's 20.

20 what?

20 pills.

I ate an apple once because I thought it was right on him.

In the 23rd chapter of the book of Psalms.

Shabbat Shalom

the 121st chapter of Psalms.

Shalom.

Shalom.

It is now my honor to invite Samantha's cousin, Sarah Bronstein, for her

remarks.

Sarah.

Hello, everyone. My name is Sarah Bronstein.

Samantha was my cousin.

Even though we were less than a year apart in age, I've always seen Samantha

the big sister I never had.

My name is David Gold, and I am Samantha's piano teacher.

We never know when a tragedy will strike our community, but we do know that we

as a community will come together after a tragedy.

connection to horses that I'll never be able to understand.

And Samantha became a brilliant pianist. In her 18 years, she studied Torah here

at Temple Beth El. And because of her, I can write both Western and English.

She was very young.

I had the honor of officiating at the service when she became a bat mitzvah.

And I give my condolences to the family. And I, for one, am going to miss her

very much.

Thank you.

I will now recite the Kel Meleirat Hamim, a memorial prayer.

Would you kindly rise?

There will be a luncheon in the pastoral conference room downstairs, where they

will be collecting donations for Habitat for Horses in the Mandarin honor.

Carrie, Hannah, oh, thank you so much for coming.

Of course, Mrs. Goldstein. Yeah, of course.

I haven't seen you since you all were in that musical.

Do you remember that?

Of course you remember.

Samantha loved musicals.

I don't know if a lot of people knew that.

She would always sing that Annie song in the shower.

You know the Tomorrow one?

Tomorrow? Yes, right.

That's it.

Tomorrow.

She had such a good voice.

Yeah, I remember we were in eighth grade choir together.

She was so great. Yeah, she was, like, really, really good.

Oh, that's so nice of you girls to say.

You know, she thought the world of you two.

Especially you, Hannah. It was so nice seeing pictures of you two at that big

party.

Totally. You look so pretty.

Thanks.

I should probably stop rambling.

I know Samantha would die of embarrassment if she knew I was carrying

this.

I'm so sorry for your loss, Mrs. Goldstein.

Yeah, so sorry.

So, so sorry.

Thank you, girls.

If you'll excuse me.

What did she mean by that?

What?

I just didn't know that.

You and Samantha took a picture together at Melissa's party.

Oh, I don't know. I don't really remember, but I wasn't gonna, like,

her.

But... Ugh, I'm starving.

I think we'd have a bagel. Do you want the other half?

No, I'm not really hungry.

Hmm. Your loss.

Can you believe that?

It's so sad.

Did they know that Tristan would never go for any of them?

Bad bone structure.

Totally. It's like, Lena's pretty and everything, but she's not, like, a real

person.

I'm gonna go get a cup of water.

Could you get me some?

Oh, my God, are you crying?

What? Your eyes are red.

Yeah, because of, like, air pollution or whatever.

Do you

think

Tristan owns that suit?

I don't know.

It just looks so good on him. Like, he looks really, really good.

Yeah. It got hotter, right?

I guess.

You guess?

I just don't think we should be talking about this right now.

Why?

Because we're at a funeral service.

I didn't even know her that well.

She was in, like, my hippie psych class.

She was nice.

We worked on a group project together.

Didn't you say you had to do all the work?

Yeah, no one ever does the work on, like, a group project. No, I remember

being, like, really mad because you said she would help you with the

presentation part, and then she, like, told it to the studio.

I mean, she clearly had other things on her mind. It doesn't matter.

I just don't think we should be talking about Tristan's suit right now, okay?

Are you sure you don't want a bite?

I gotta pee.

Why should I have to run for swim practice?

That's unfair and stupid.

I'm so bored.

I mean, today has been, like, so, so sad.

But now I just want to go home. I don't want to go to the stupid teen talk back.

The things are always so dumb.

I don't know. I feel like the best part of USY was always the intellectual

debate. Or that was probably hard for you with someone's tongue down your

the whole time.

I found that pretty stimulating, actually.

You're so gross.

Okay. At least I didn't have Ben Schwartz's hands down my pants like

Yeah, you had Ben Feldman's. True.

At least him dabbing me in the vagina with his boiled fingers was more fun

today.

He's like trying to get a peanut out of a tiny bag.

I want to go with someone who's experienced, like me, you know?

You've hooked up with like three guys.

Okay, you've hooked up with one and you kept your jeans on.

What? I'm just saying.

If this was a competition, I would win. Yeah, I'm sure you would.

Do you think I'm pretty?

Don't be stupid.

I think I'm, like, okay looking. I'm not classically beautiful or whatever.

My nose is weird.

Stop it. You're pretty.

Would you ever kill yourself?

No, I don't think so.

Neither would I.

But if I did, which I wouldn't, I'd do what Samantha did.

Pills are so easy.

I guess you could hang yourself, but that'd be kind of hard.

Putting a resident bathtub could be cool, but so emo middle school, you

Do you have concealer?

Concealer?

Do you have some?

Like, in your purse?

For me, yes.

For you, no.

Whatever. You can hardly see it anyway.

Do you think Tristan's a good kisser?

No clue.

Rachel Feinstein says he's, like, really good, but she's a pathological liar, so

who knows if that's even true.

Wait, didn't Tristan and Samantha talk up?

Oh, yeah, I heard about that. But then he took Lauren's everything to

homecoming. I remember seeing them kiss during the slow dance.

So tragic.

I wonder if I'm a good kisser.

I thought you were so experienced.

Well, I never, like, dated anybody.

Oh.

So I haven't exactly had any returning customers.

What? Why are you looking at me like that? Stop.

Kiss me.

What? No.

Do it. No.

Please. I need to know if I'm, like, the worst kisser in the world.

Okay, I can tell you right now you're probably not the worst kisser in the

world. Just pretend I'm, like, Zach Horowitz or something.

Zach Horowitz has back hair.

Okay, fine.

Pretend I'm someone else.

Pretend I'm Mr.

Danielson.

Stop. I know you think he's so hot when he pours those beakers.

Oh, Mr.

D, will you come over here and help me with something?

Oops, I dropped a beaker. I know that's a safety hazard. I don't want to kiss

Mr. Danielson. Then kiss me.

No. Come on, just do it. It'll be like a second.

Fine.

That doesn't count.

Yes, it does. You asked me to kiss you, so I kissed you.

Okay, there's no way you determined anything from that.

Okay. Fine.

Great. Well, I guess I'll never know if I'm a good kisser or not. And then one

day I'll kiss someone and they'll be like, that was awful. And I'll die of

because my best friend was cute.

How's that?

Bad?

Okay.

Cool.

Good.

Cool.

Thanks.

Yeah, totally.

Lady, what did I tell you about being in here?

Sorry, Marquine. We were just leaving.

Good. I'll leave my classroom in five minutes.

All right?

Yep.

I can't believe she's the one running the talk back.

It's like paper school, but worse.

Yeah, I think her real job is in grief counseling.

Truly the last person on the planet I'd want to counsel my grief.

All right, we should probably go.

Yeah, yeah.

I just...

I need to grab my... Oh, sorry.

Okay, okay, okay.

Kill me.

Oh, God.

Did you see it? Did you see it?

Did you see it? You didn't see it? You didn't see it.

You have to look with your eyes.

You've got to.

I'm going to play it one more time.

Look who's crying again.

Why did they do that?

Because they can.

Everyone, please settle down.

Shalom. Shalom.

Today is a terrible day.

But we have this time now to process what the Jewish tradition teaches us

death so we can grieve and be stronger together.

I know this is difficult. I was in a similar situation when I was your age.

At that time, I was fighting for Israel.

Back then I saw death around every corner. I was haunted like a phantom.

When I slept, I dreamt it. When I woke, I saw it.

And to see someone so young choose to leave this world of the living.

Well, I cannot explain it and I cannot justify it. But as the Talmud tells us,

we must try to understand.

Now.

Please take these handouts.

Does everyone have one?

Good.

Now who would like to read aloud?

Death is something that happens to people of all

religions. But, in a Jewish faith, there are particular rituals that must be

done when someone passes away.

Rachel Feinstein, please help your friend Rachel Grossman.

Excuse yourselves, if you must.

Should I keep going?

Um, would anyone else care to read?

Let's have a little fun, shall we?

Um, Mitaka, please, continue.

There are many Jewish traditions associated with death.

Some come right from the Torah, while others were developed in Eastern Europe

throughout the 19th century.

Yes, Hila.

More Klein.

What do you think the great rabbis would specifically say about this situation?

Interesting question, Hila.

I think the great rabbis tell us that in order to understand death, we must have

insightful conversations.

We can't express grief with standard shallow platitudes.

Like what we're doing here today, for Samantha.

Exactly, Mira.

What was that?

A cough.

Did you have something to add, Yitzhaka?

Um, uh, yeah.

I was wondering if I should keep reading.

I see.

Would anyone else care to read?

Yes, Mira.

Mira. Some of these traditions include preparing the body by cleansing it in

ritual act of purification, Tahara, in which the funeral director or,

alternatively, a holy society, the Hebra Kedisha, cleanses the body.

In Samantha's case, her body would have only been handled by women to make sure

it stayed totally pure.

I bet Samantha would have liked that.

Now, can anyone tell me the significance of these rituals?

Come on, I don't want Mira and Hila to do all the talking. One of you young

scholars must understand why it's important that the body be pure before

Fine. Mira?

It's supposed to erase your social status in death.

Correct. The only relationship that matters in the end is the one you have

Hashem.

Yes, Hila.

Yeah, just piggybacking off of that, I wanted to say how important it is

it shows no matter how bad things are, like if you're dead, we always have our

faith. But we have it when we're alive, too.

Does anyone else want to add to this discussion?

Oh, my God, Hannah.

It's Haka.

Are you all right?

Um, yeah. I just, I didn't have that much for breakfast.

It was my fault. Sorry.

Maybe it's time for a break.

Hey, Haka.

Please make sure you drink some water and get something to eat.

We don't need to add to today's tragedy, understood?

I'll take care of her.

Thank you, Haka.

Hey, are you okay?

totally i just i lost my balance that's all

god i can't believe i did that that's

so

No way somebody made that on Photoshop.

What about the whole, like, you know, satellite thing?

Well, I mean, according to the video, the satellite... Shut up. You shut up.

do we never see the boats go lower?

I wonder if prom's even still gonna happen.

Of course it is. They wouldn't cancel prom over one person. If anything, they

should move it up so we have a distraction.

Or, like, make it a memorial.

That's a really good idea.

I just said prom should be a distraction.

Oh, right.

I just can't believe she won't be there. Me too.

Are you guys close?

That's too bad.

Hey.

I can't watch this fake pity party.

Yeah. Yeah, me neither.

You wanna...

What? You know, could go to the bathroom and... I mean, people are probably

going to be crying in there.

Or worse, talking about me.

Yeah, probably.

Um, we can check and see if it's empty.

And if it's empty, we can... What are you talking about? If you have to go to

the bathroom, go.

Uh, yeah, yeah, I mean, I'd have to go to the bathroom.

Okay, then what?

Nothing, nothing.

Never mind.

Have you seen Tristan?

No.

I wonder if he went outside.

That'd be so like him.

It's like 20 degrees out.

I know. He's so random.

I wonder if I should say something to him so he, like, knows that I'm here.

I'm sure he knows you're here.

I don't know. I feel like I haven't been very, like, visible.

You fell out of your chair, like, two seconds ago. Yeah, that's not the kind

visibility that I want.

Plus, I don't think he noticed.

He definitely saw.

I thought you were going to get, like, a concussion.

Yeah.

So embarrassing.

Whatever.

I just want him to see me how I want him to.

You know how it is.

Not really.

Like, I want him to see me doing hot stuff.

Like what?

Do you know where we could get a popsicle?

Mm -hmm.

Kidding. We'll find something else.

Or, like, maybe we could practice more.

You know, you said you wanted to be, like, a really great kisser, so... Yeah,

and now I know that I am.

I want him to, like, want me. Like, how do I get somebody to want me?

I don't know.

I'm sure you'll figure it out.

It's, like, my hair.

I was going to straighten it this morning, but I didn't have enough time,

was going to mess everything up for me.

Where are you going?

God.

You bait?

I, uh, don't think we're allowed to smoke in here.

It's not smoke.

It's a cucumber.

It's easily the best flavor, but they don't make it anymore, so my brother has

to buy it on eBay.

Mango's good too, though.

I don't want to sit in here.

What are you so scared of?

Nothing.

I'm bored.

Why don't you break me off a little piece of that brownie?

Dude, you were only supposed to have, like, a tiny bite of that. My brother

ripped off.

These haven't hit yet. They're not going to.

Well, hey.

Sorry about your dead girlfriend.

Dude, stop it. Seriously?

I was joking.

It's not funny. No, it...

It's fine. I mean, she wasn't actually my girlfriend, so... I mean, not

I'm really sorry, dude. No, I... We didn't actually know each other. Yeah,

totally. Do you want to see something cool? Dude, stop.

It's fake.

Let's get back to it.

All right, everyone.

Please turn over your worksheets from earlier.

As you can see, it's divided into six panels, each representing a stage of

mourning. I want you to fill in each section without you personally.

For honor's sake.

Inhale so deeply. One puff of these is like 20 cigarettes.

Keep coughing like that. You're basically done for. Thank you.

So, when did you first start smoking, or vaping?

This summer.

I wanted to impress a boy.

Well, it's, like, super impressive.

Do you, um, do you remember Samantha's bat mitzvah?

Uh, I don't think I went.

Yeah, it was the, um, it was the same day as Amy Levy.

And most people didn't want to go to both.

Honestly,

most people only wanted to go to Amy's.

Yeah, Amy's is at the Planetarium.

Yeah, it was cool.

And Samantha's is at that, like, weird hotel, the, um, wagon wheel.

You know, it's, like, horse themed.

Did you go?

To Samantha?

Yeah, I went.

My mom made me go. She said I had to go to anyone's fun mitzvah who was in my

Hebrew school class, even if we weren't friends.

Plus, me and Samantha used to carpool together all the time. She lived like

three houses down from me.

Lived.

I'm really sorry.

Yeah.

It was, like, so sad.

It was like...

all adults, and Samantha's little cousins.

And, like, the DJ kept trying to get people to dance, and, like, no one did.

I mean, I left right after the candle ceremony, which was humiliating.

But she had a candle for all of her friends, and it was just me and our

neighbor, Kim.

Oh, my God, that's awkward.

Yeah.

I wish... I mean, I don't know.

I know she was weird, but, like, I wish people cared about her more.

Today feels so fake.

Yeah.

But you two are close, right?

Um... I mean, not really.

Um...

In elementary school, we used to, like, dance together, but, you know, like, you

know, hip -hop and jazz and whatever. It was so dumb.

I quit when I went to middle school.

So I never really saw her outside of any of that.

Except for here.

I... I don't know.

This feels, like, different.

So... We weren't really, like, friends.

I don't know why.

I guess I do know why.

I just never really gave her much of a chance.

And now I guess I never will.

Yeah, she, like, never told anyone anything about herself. Like, it was

she was a total lesbian.

Like, just come at her. We all see her haircut. No one cares.

Except for Hannah, but, like, she didn't feel the same way, so... Wait, wait,

what? I mean, like, I wouldn't want Samantha to ask me out, but I wouldn't

and tell literally everyone.

Ew. Why are you looking at me like that?

What? Are you, like... Are you going to tell me?

I'm going to tell literally everyone. And you know what else is annoying? Why

Melissa being so needy today? Like, why are you making today all about you? You

know, Samantha was, like, actually my friend. And I get that you have things

going on with your parents, but, like, Samantha's dead.

Yeah.

Totally. I get it.

Okay, well, I guess the break's almost over.

This was weird, but fun.

I guess.

Yeah.

Remember that each and every one of you should always be here for one another.

As the Babylonian Talmud tells us, all Jews are responsible for one another.

Tragedy takes a long time to process.

Thankfully, your faith will guide you through, and so will your community.

Did you feel this?

I definitely did. Okay.

And so, once everyone is finished, we will share our

responses out loud and see how we can best process our grief.

Together.

Hi. Hi.

We just got back from break.

No,

who else would like to share?

Anyone can share. There are no wrong answers.

Uh -huh.

I just think this whole thing is really sad, and it's such a hard time for all

of us.

Also, I was wondering who drew this. I'm looking to commission some artwork.

Dude, you do not need any more art. You have so much.

Thank you for sharing, you suck.

I don't know who drew it.

It was worth asking. Now, would anyone else like to share?

And I just feel like I really relate to this because the shock and the numbness,

that's phase one. I was at camp, and so I was really shocked when I got that

call. And then there's the sadness part, which I did, but I did it really fast

because I wanted to get out of it. My body is vibrating right now. I really, I

think, still stuck in that busyness phase because it really just helps me to

cope with grief, just keeping busy and, like, keeping my mind doing other

things. And I just think that it would be really nice in a year from now to

back and do something similar to what we're doing today.

I always liked the Yehuda for my Bubby.

She passed away three years ago, but I'm still really sad about that.

Thank you, Mira.

What?

What?

Sorry.

Hila, would you like to share?

I just thought what Mira said is powerful.

Hila.

Toto.

Set seat open.

Hava, do you have something to share?

No, I'm good, thank you. This is a safe space, and you haven't said anything all

day. Please, share.

Um... Okay, um... I guess I've just been

thinking, and... I realize that...

None of this matters.

What doesn't matter?

Today and everything, like this class thing.

I mean, none of us really liked Samantha that much, right?

Right?

Right, Elena?

I don't know what you're talking about. You said that none of this really

matters and it's all fake and...

No one really cares that Samantha's dead.

You're not. Do you feel that way?

Absolutely not.

I never said that. You literally told me, like, an hour ago.

Today is a horrible day, and I don't know why you're lying and making it

for everyone. I'm not lying. Maybe we should take a moment to reflect.

I mean, were any of us surprised to find out that it was Samantha?

Like, none of us did anything to help her because we were all too caught up in

our own lives.

Hava,

please. You asked me to be honest.

And I'm just tired of acting like this has some sort of greater meaning and we

all, like, cared so much.

I mean, Samantha killed herself.

And nothing that we do here today is going to change that.

But I think we can have a productive discussion about how you feel.

Well, I'm sorry being honest isn't fucking productive.

Do you have a worksheet for that?

If you cannot be here today, you are free to leave.

My ride doesn't get here until five.

Then maybe you should go into the hall and call and see if they can come get

earlier.

Yes, Sadiq.

I'm going to use the bathroom.

Go.

Now, who else would like to share?

Shabbat shalom.

How's everybody doing tonight?

Oh, um... Oh, sorry.

I didn't... Oh, no, no, no. It's fine. I'm fine.

Welcome to the... Thank you.

So today's been crazy boring, right?

What do you mean?

And, like, really sad, too.

Yeah.

I mean, especially for you.

Because, like, you know... I mean,

didn't you and Samantha used to... Oh, uh, that was fake.

Um...

Topher made that up as a joke and because she's she was the the weird girl

never talked to any of the boys and she was really into yarn and I It was messed

up Now it's even more messed up

That's that I'm sorry

Yeah and like I feel like everyone's looking at me like I'm like

super upset about her dying or whatever, and that's not even true, because I...

That's... That's not what I... I

mean, it's shit that she's dead, and... I guess I should have told them to

stop saying all that stuff.

Now this... thing.

So you two aren't close?

What? You and Samantha, you weren't close because you didn't know her. No,

Yeah, same.

Wait, didn't she, like, ask you out a few weeks ago?

I think she thought you were, like, like a lesbian. Oh, my God, no.

That's crazy that you heard that.

Well, you posted it on your, right? I mean, I could have sworn I saw on your

story that you were, like... I mean, like, who can remember? That was all so

long ago.

I mean, I don't think she even meant it.

Yeah.

Well, I wouldn't be surprised.

She never came out out, but... Well, she never had to, you know.

Yeah.

Well, I guess I just wasn't that into it.

Sorry.

Because of the horses.

No.

Actually, yeah.

No, I just...

I don't know why, but at the time it really weirded me out.

It was like, like... Like, maybe she just really liked you?

Sorry, just being honest.

Well, it's not like I would never do that.

Yeah, um, have you seen Carrie around?

Isn't she just in class?

Oh, my God, she left.

Wait, why? Is she all right?

I think so.

Oh, my, she went off on Maura Klein.

What did she say?

Like, just that, like, today is totally fake.

Like, which it is. I mean, I don't know. I think she's really cool.

I think today's fake, too.

Yeah, like, super fake.

It's like, what are we even doing here?

Plus, it's like today, and then that's it.

We're all gonna just move on with our lives.

Forget about this tomorrow.

Sorry, that was, like, a lot.

So, uh, you and Carrie are... You guys are, like, best friends, right?

Yeah, she's my best friend.

So is she, like, hooking up with anyone right now?

It's not that big of a deal or anything. I just wanted to know if she... We've

met out before.

Yeah.

We, like, make out and stuff.

Not, like, a thing, you know? It's whatever.

Okay.

She's a good kisser.

So am I.

Oh, uh, cool.

I, I guess.

We kiss boys, too.

If you're interested.

Oh.

Um, uh, I don't, I don't. I mean, like, if you wanted the destruction from

today, you know.

I was already going to hang out with Carrie in the library.

You should join.

Now?

Meet me in the library in, like, ten.

Yeah, okay, um are you sure are you sure this is like the right time to be

And

are

you in here

Hannah?

Hey. I was just calling you. Yeah, my phone's off. Where have you been?

Um, I had to get some air.

Plus, it looks like I'm not the only one who skipped.

I was looking for you. That's not what I heard.

Why are you being so weird?

I'm not being weird.

What?

You're like, um, like gaslighting me.

No, I'm not.

It's not what that word means.

Yes, it is, and you are. You're telling me that I'm being weird, but I'm not

doing anything, and you're being weird.

No, I'm not.

Yes, you are. What do you want? I don't want anything from you.

Stop being weird.

What?

Sorry. Didn't mean to gaffer you again.

You're being a bitch. So are you.

So why did you leave?

I had to get some air. It's a lie.

No, it's not. I wasn't feeling well, and I had to get some air.

Be honest.

Fine.

I thought we weren't friends anymore, and so I freaked out.

You did?

Yeah.

I just couldn't sit in that classroom anymore. I felt like I was... I told

Klein that I bled all over the seat.

I'm sure she loved that.

I thought I weirded you out.

I thought I'd give you some space.

Why would you weird me out?

I don't know.

Just give it.

It's fine.

It's just seeing you hang out with Alina kind of freaked me out.

She's actually really not that bad. Shut up.

She sucks and nothing you say or do will make me change my mind.

She let me hit her rape.

Ew, what?

Yeah, it was pretty fun.

That's so gross What flavor cucumber?

Cool

Today's been, like, so fucked up.

I know.

I guess I keep on thinking, like, why she did it.

I mean, like, I know it's a stupid question to ask, but, like, why does

do that sort of thing?

What?

Kill themselves?

I mean, yeah.

I don't know.

I think she might have just been depressed, you know? You don't have to

We're going to be okay, though.

Nothing has changed between us.

I mean, you still want to be my best friend, right?

Yeah, I do.

Okay.

So there's no problem.

Um... Samantha had a crush on you.

What?

Elena told me that, um... Samantha had a crush on you and...

And you told everybody, but you didn't tell me.

Why does that matter?

Because I'm your best friend. Why didn't you tell me?

Oh, because it was dumb.

I was drunk. You were sad about not being invited to the party.

I don't want to hurt your feelings.

Well, it kind of makes me feel worse that you didn't tell me.

She didn't kill herself because she had a crush on me. I didn't say that she

did. Okay, so then why did you ask it like that? I didn't ask it like

I didn't make her kill herself. I didn't say that you did.

Okay, so then what were you trying to ask? Nothing, just forget about it.

Okay, I will.

I mean, it's like not on you.

I mean, she had other friends.

I mean, look, she was invited to the party and I wasn't.

I guess.

I should have told you. It's just, it was like, it was weird and then she

Sort of.

I just didn't know what to do.

I didn't like her like that, but she was like a nice person.

She was.

I hope she doesn't hate me.

I don't want anyone to hate me.

Even if they're dead.

I don't hate you.

I don't hate you too.

Are you going to go back to class?

No, I think I want to do something else.

Like what? My dad gets here in, like, 30 minutes.

We'll find something fun to do.

I don't want to, like, lay backwards on the hill outside.

Neither do I. We're not in fifth grade.

I want to do something more adult.

Adult?

Come on.

Trust me, we can't be sad and thinking about this for the rest of our lives.

Okay, so what is it? We'll see.

Okay, so what's the surprise?

Kiss me.

What? Kiss me.

Please? I, uh... What the fuck?

Uh, hello?

Sorry.

Sorry. Sorry, Ed.

Hey, Tristan.

You know, what are you two doing here? We're all gonna hang out, duh.

Like we hung out before, in the bathroom.

What? Come on, be cool.

Uh, yeah, yeah. Don't be jealous.

I thought we were just... I thought you were just joking. I didn't think we were

actually going to do this.

Why wouldn't we?

Can I talk to you for a second?

Of course.

We'll be right back.

You know I've never, like, done this before.

I mean, you've, like, kissed other people before.

Yeah, but I haven't done, like, everything. I don't want this to be how

happens. Okay, well, you don't have to do that.

I can do that, and he'll just, like, play with you.

Play with me?

You know, like, touch you down there.

I know what fingering is. I wasn't trying to say that you didn't.

Why the hell would I want to do this?

You know, I'm actually really worried about you.

Don't you ever want to try this stuff?

You can't avoid it forever.

Tristan thinks you're so hot and cool. He literally couldn't stop talking.

You're just saying that so you can play out your stupid, gross fantasy.

It's fun.

You're using me.

No, I'm not.

Tristan is only doing this because he wants to go with you because he's so, so

into you.

Don't overthink this. Let's just do it.

Why do you even want to do this? You were, like, in love with him.

I mean, we're both gonna, like, be with him.

What if I don't want to?

Why wouldn't you want to?

Why can't you just hook up with him?

I mean, I like him. I really like him, but it's so obvious that he likes you

more. So I thought maybe we could share.

Share. Got it.

It's a fun thing.

It's not like a serious thing.

You want to have sex in our synagogue. Hook up.

Isn't that sex? I don't know. We'll just, like, see what happens.

It's Samantha's funeral. Who cares?

Was there a ghost that didn't stop you from kissing me?

That was... That was different.

No, it's not.

Yes, it is.

You've been fucking with my head all day.

No, I haven't. Yes, you have.

You know that I like you, and now you're using me so you can get with Tristan.

No, I'm not.

I didn't know anything. I thought you would think this was fun. Stop saying

that. This isn't fun. I'm not having fun. I'm not going to have fun. Why did

kiss me in the first place?

I told you I wanted to know if I'm a good kisser.

Okay.

Okay.

Do you want to go back? You're so selfish.

What?

Do you like me at all?

Yes. Of course I like you. I love you. You're my best friend.

But not more than that.

More than best friends?

Like?

You wouldn't want to hook up with me if Tristan wasn't here.

No.

Would you?

I mean... I don't know.

But you're going to prom with Ben.

Because...

Look, I really liked kissing you, and I thought you liked it too.

Carrie, I don't think of you that way.

We're like sisters.

We're like closer than sisters. We're like, I don't know, and it's not like I

don't think you're pretty, you're smart or whatever, and it's cool if you like

me that way. It's like, it's just I don't like you that way, but it's good

you do.

Is everything all right?

Yeah, um, everything's great.

Right, Carrie?

This is interesting.

So, um, maybe we could hang out?

Just the two of us?

Is she okay?

Yeah. She seems really upset.

Oh, yeah, she's fine. Just a long day. Did she know this was going to happen?

Totally. She just, like, gets like that sometimes.

I feel so bad.

Don't. Don't. I mean, maybe I can make it up to you.

My mom works late, so I have a house, too. What? Are you serious

right now?

Yeah, I mean, totally.

I thought we were just going to hang out. I didn't.

think you actually wanted to do. I thought it would be... What the fuck is

with you?

Look, I'm... I'm not interested in you at all.

Fuck. I'm sorry.

I gotta go. This is... It's really not a big deal.

Okay, see you around.

I just really need to be right now. Nothing feels real.

I can see the code in this ventilation.

Hey, Mom.

Yeah, we just got out.

I'm going to be home later. Mr. Wilson's taking me in here for food.

Hey! Carrie!

Hey!

Would you just look at me?

What are you like mad at me?

I didn't mean to hurt you.

Hmm.