Original subtitles

Downloaded from YTS.BZ

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.BZ

We emerge into a panorama from darkness.

Placed inside the parched badlands of Central Utah,

drained and unforgiving.

Our attention is drawn to the hanging tree...

We hear footsteps.

The desperate man enters...

In a moment, he will fall.

Just like that.

Why? Please, no. Wh...

Why me?

Hello?

Hello?

Please.

There's nobody to hear him.

My name is Wayne...

Wayne Carpenter.

I live on Wild Horse Road, Pocatello, Idaho.

I'm a high school English teacher.

We'll say he was a bank manager.

I'm a bank manager.

No!

English teacher.

Actually, he was an auto mechanic.

An auto mechanic.

John knew what he had to do.

This is what he had to do.

The desperate man burns.

- Finally, - Oh, shit, Cody!

- You scared me. - What took you so long?

Did you go up yet?

I was waiting for his majesty, the great Grant Beverly.

You don't say. Well, um, shall we?

Inversion best practices, please?

- Oh, shit. - There you go.

Fucking climate change

Can you believe it's supposed to snow later?

Which unit is she in? A? C?

No, she's in Unit B.

Weird that you would say "A" and then go straight to "C".

Yeah, what are trying to say?

Nothing, I just think it's interesting.

I've gotta hand it to you,

I think it's pretty cool, how you and Wilda have managed

to stay friends like this, Beverly.

Well, I've heard maintaining long-term friendships

is important.

I don't know why, but that's what they say.

Tell me about it. You know that I've never been dumped,

but if I had, I definitely wouldn't be as chill about it

- as you and Wilda are. - Wilda didn't dump me,

it was a mutual parting of ways.

Hmm.

Yeah, I keep forgetting that.

It's probably because people who say that are full of shit.

Yay! [laughs] Cody! You made it!

Hey, Grant. Hey.

- Hey. Hey. - Hey.

Oh.

I'm so glad we're still going on this trip together.

Yeah, I haven't been to Arches in like, forever.

They took us down there for an overnight

in middle school, that may have been the last time.

They drove you rich brats

all the way down there from Park City?

- Uh, best practice, Wilda? - Oh, yeah,

sorry, it was just inside.

- Put yours on. - No.

- Yeah - No!

God, do you guys remember the last time

there was inversion so bad, we actually had to leave

town like this? Like, geez.

- No, we'll be okay. - The open desert

is our best bet to avoid the poison air

until the cold weather can get back on top

of the hot weather.

This is, of course, assuming that there is enough biocrust

left down there to keep the sand from swirling around

like it's the fucking dust bowl.

I don't understand

what the big deal is.

I mean, inversions happen like, five times a year.

Yeah, but this isn't one of the ones that happens

five times a year, only once every 30 years.

No, 27 years is what I read.

Where'd you read that?

On a website.

And remind me, why we're not just going up

to the lake with everyone else?

You know, Mel, Franky and Vanessa said,

it's like spring break up there right now.

- Aw! - It's because

you don't know shit about how the world works, Beverly.

Once the inversion breaks and the air shifts north,

that Bear Lake Air is gonna be, like, 30 percent

copper-fracking jizz from Kennecott--

No! No more climate change talk

on this trip, Cody. It freaks me out, okay?

- The inversion's bad enough. - Yeah.

It's like a mini-Chernobyl fantasy camp weekend

- or something. - Hey, it is not my fault

that there are polygamist UFO cult forefathers

built this city in the low valley under what is

the meteorological equivalent of the Bermuda fucking triangle.

- Did you get gas? - Yeah, I got gas.

Hey, why'd you park so far away?

Hey, don't worry, Grant.

The desert will be... will be fun.

You can pretend, you're on the Star Wars planet.

Which Star Wars planet?

Guessing you probably mean either Tatooine or Jakku--

No, it's... it's the sand worm one.

What is that called? Dune?

Huh. That's Arrakis, and that's not even Star Wars.

Jesus, Wilda.

I promise, you do not wanna get Beverly started

on his George Lucas bullshit.

I think Grant's kinda cute when he goes on his little rants

about ass-prick ratios,

- or whatever-- - Aspect ratios!

That's what I said, ass-prick ratios.

God, you learn so much dating a film major for three years.

Yeah, it sounds cool if you like low-T beta cucks

and not super-masculine, conscientiously progressive

- environmental studies majors. - Wow.

I can already tell this trip is gonna be intense.

Get it? "In tents."

Oh, no. No, I'm declaring this evacuation-slash-weekend-getaway

- a pun-free zone - What? No!

- Yeah. - Boo! Boo... Boo him, Cody!

- Boo! - Boo, Beverly fucking sucks.

- What is this piece of shit? - Careful, that's vintage!

- Yeah, but what is it? - Nothing.

My, my folks had to get rid of a bunch of stuff.

When they downsized to the condo.

There was a bunch of cool old TV equipment

from my grandad's Channel 2 days.

- Yeah? Does it even work? - There's no tape in it.

Yo, lemme see.

Whoa!

Do you think your grandparents ever used this

- to make a sexual tape? - Ugh.

No, do not make me think about old people fucking.

Why not? Grant's grandma is hot. And pee-paw?

He's, like, a legit Salt Lake "8".

They did not let uggos on TV in the Reagan era.

Wait, no, you're wrong, there, there's a tape in here.

- Don't mess with it! - It looks like

we can play it back. Do you wanna see what's on it--

Don't!

Why not, Beverly?

What are we gonna find on here?

Well, he's just worried because it's fragile.

Well, if it's so fragile

then why are we taking it to the desert?

Well, um, I was gonna bring this up later,

but, do you guys remember the 24-hour film thing I sent you?

- No. - Yeah.

No! We are not doing homework on this weekend, okay?

This trip is about two things, and two things only.

One, to practice being climate refugees

which we will all be in a few years.

- Ugh. - And two,

getting rat shit, fucking hammered

- in the desert. - Yeah.

Well, it's not for class.

It... it's for an analog media short film festival.

A really cool one, actually, out of Seattle.

- Mm, cool. - True, super cool.

Hey, um, if you think for one second

that we're going to lug that thing all the way

to Delicate Arch, you're dead wrong.

Oh, and, uh, did you remind your cousin

that I was not kidding about bringing sunscreen?

Yeah.

Although, hopefully they didn't think it was code

for like, angel dust or something.

Ferg! My Fergie-wergie!

Wilda! What up, cuz?

Don't tell me that whole cooler is full of booze and drugs.

Oh, it is.

This whole cooler is full of booze and drugs.

Hey, the inversion's coming down pretty hard,

- don't get any in your eyes! - Just how fucked up

are you planning on getting down there?

What, I can't hear you, dude.

Whoa, automatic!

- How you doin'? - I'm okay.

What's that?

Fucked up, right? So, Grant's me-maw and pee-paw

used this to make porn parodies of CBS Sunday Morning.

Oh, really? That's cool as hell, dude.

Oh, my god, have you ever seen that show?

All the anchors look like they're fucking melting--

Okay!

"Careful, it's vintage!"

Bruh, these influencer bitches

get like, free everything.

I really need some sort of marketable social media gimmick.

Mm, like what?

I don't know. Like, what about wellness?

But like, like spooky?

- Spooky wellness? - Yeah like,

"Put this yogurt in your pussy hole."

People love Halloween and people love wellness.

Oh!

What do you think of the name "Creep Heap"?

Fucking social media.

I hate our fucking generation.

We are so detached from like, reality and ecology and shit.

I mean, fuck us, we suck.

Yeah, but like, dude.

I mean, what if there was no reality to be attached to?

You know, it's pretty arrogant to assume that any of this

is actually happening.

Or has, or will ever happen, you know?

I obviously, consider myself something of an expert

on transitory states and being and yo.

I mean, a keen spiritual depth might actually have the ability

to bend time and space...

Oh, shit, dude!

- What the fuck, ha-- - Beverly?

Was there a deer or something?

What, Beverly hit a deer?

Did you guys feel that?

Feel what?

It just changed.

What changed?

I don't know. The... the road? The... the... the light?

Everything. I...

How long have we been driving for?

Ah, like, a couple of hours.

Are you okay to drive, dude? Like, maybe I should drive?

- No. - No!

Uh, yeah, sure, maybe, yeah.

- Oh, well... - Incoming!

- Just go. - Okay, let me get out first!

Water, dude?

I'm fine.

- I guess if you need a second-- - I'm fine!

Grant, why don't you grab your camera?

We should be taping this, for posterity.

Oh, uh, yeah, okay.

Uh, well I guess... like...

Ferg, what are your plans for this trip?

I mean, on paper, to escape the inversion.

But if I'm being honest, my true objective

is to seize the time to further develop

my own proprietary set of Theosophical studies.

Oh, which, for now I'm calling "Phase Perception".

And let me guess, does this research involve

the use of controlled substances?

I mean, now that you mention it,

yeah, I did pack a few...

...holy Theosophical tools.

I just don't understand why we're not going to the lake?

I mean Vanessa, Franky and Mel said it's like

- spring break up there. - That's what they told me!

I have said a million times why we are going to the desert.

Yeah, but, dude. I mean, we could be chilling

with like, the hottest people under 30

in the Salt Lake Valley.

Not shit, fuck alone in the middle of nowhere

with you two fuckos and the one token female.

What? I don't even get a name now?

Okay, you get two names.

The Ferg's cousin and Grant's ex-girlfriend.

All right, why don't you

"phase perceive" my fist as I shove it up your ass

and pull out your piss plumbing?

Dude, Grant, your woman just threatened

- to fist me to death. - Sorry pal,

she's not my problem anymore.

- True. - Yeah.

Plus, there's some soil samples

I need to get up at the arches, anyways.

Oh.

- I thought you said no homework. - It's not homework...

It's for a... for a personal project

that I'm working on.

Like how my analog shorts thing isn't homework, either?

- Wait, what's he talking about? - Grant wants to make a movie.

How fun! Wait, is this gonna be like the one

where Cody was in the bathtub with all the fake blood?

Hopefully not, Otherwise, you'll have this

stressed out motherfucker yelling at you

for even daring to breathe!

You were supposed to be a corpse!

And you just kept making Wilda just, repeat her line

- over and over and over again. - Oh my God, Kevin!

Why did you do this? Why did you do this?

- To me? - To me.

Do you guys remember when Ferg

almost knocked over the friggin' light?

Grant forgot to put the other sandbag on it!

- Mm. - It was an LED light,

you wouldn't have been electrocuted, probably.

Oh my god, Kevin! Why did you do this?

- Why did you do this... to me? - Kevin, aw.

Mm, mon dieu, Kevin.

Et pourquoi?

Oh, come on, Grant, don't sulk.

I liked that video, it was actually really good.

Well, it would've been even better

if you all just listened to me,

instead of constantly bitching and goofing off.

Oh, boy...

Hey, Grant, look at me, look at me.

Hey, trust me, Grant, this trip is gonna be fun.

- Oh, my God, what's wrong? - Wha... I...

- Where are we? - What do you mean? We just ate.

Seriously, are you feeling okay?

I'm fine. Sorry, I just...

I'm a... I'm a little dizzy, I guess.

Oh, hey.

I mean here, take these.

Um, I don't know if that's a good idea.

- What are they? - Oh, don't worry about it, dude.

We just gotta get your orgone back to stasis.

- Maybe I should just take one? - Yeah.

'Cause Beverly is such a drug milksop,

that you'd probably kill him.

Stop calling me Beverly! Ferg, tell this asshole

how fucked up all his gendered name calling shit is.

Wait, why is that my job?

- Grant, don't! - Hell yeah, dude.

That is what I'm fuckin' talking about!

This could be a real problem

No, no, no, no, no. Don't worry about it.

I mean, if he starts to freak out, I'll just gag him

with one of these choppy boys and make him barf

- them shits right up-- - Careful!

You're gonna stab my eyes out with that thing.

- Sorry. - Come on, it's getting late.

We should go.

Wait.

Hey, let me read the fortune...

We linger for a breath to remember exactly

what this moment looked like...

The four happy campers

pull out of their spot and disappear...

...out of frame.

I don't see anyone, shouldn't there be like

a sticker or a slip of paper or something?

Forget about it, just go in.

All right.

Guys, it literally says "No camping".

Nerd!

Okay, fine.

We'll go past the sign that says "No camping".

A 43-year-old school teacher from Pocatello, Idaho,

who has now been missing since Thursday evening.

Authorities are baffled by--

God, this is so creepy.

Well, like you said, everybody went to the lake.

Yeah, but still there should be someone else here, right?

Well, it doesn't really matter 'cause we're going off the grid.

- Back to nature. - This is sick,

I mean we can literally do whatever we want out here.

The desert is ours!

"Don't do it Kevin, you have so much to live for!"

Hey, wake up, Grant.

Um,

why are there only two tents?

Oh, I didn't bring one. I was just gonna sleep out

under the stars and vibe with the fauna

like a fucking G, dude.

Uh... oh...

Whoops, I think I accidentally brought two sleeping bags

and no tent.

- So-- - Great, so what's the plan then?

Well...

Whatever you two geeks decide,

we best get situated before nightfall.

I mean, my tent's pretty big

and it's not like we haven't, you know--

I don't think that's a good idea.

No, yeah, totally.

We, we agreed we wanted to keep things cool between us.

With simple, clear boundaries, right?

Totally, totally.

Um, well you take the tent then.

I'll just... I'll sleep in the back of the truck.

Oh, no, I'll take the car, it's cool.

- Suit yourself. - Yay.

Um, and I'm, I'm totally gonna,

fill it with queefs and farts, okay?

Okay, great, perfect.

Uh, what's Ferg doing now?

Yeah, get some!

Must run in the family.

It... it does, actually

It's... It's kind of a serious medical condition

that needs more awareness.

So, spread the word.

What'd you see up there?

Uh, miles and miles of fuck-nothing.

So, dude, like what's going on with you and Cody lately?

You know it's, it's a real bummer

seeing you guys be such dicks to each other--

I, I don't know what you're talking about.

I mean, I don't like this version of you guys, I...

You know, I like the version that calls in

fucking bomb threats on the Ogden Valley Church Ball League,

- dude. - Oh, yeah, that was...

that was just to get some swat team B-roll

- for a class project. - Oh, yeah?

Got an "A" on that project, too.

See? You guys are legendary.

So, it turns out, the woman that we thought was being chased

by all these mindless cell phone zombies,

is actually--

A child killer whose mind is being erased each day

just to torture her?

Well, fuck... if you guys knew the whole story

then why'd you let me sit here and go on and on

like an asshole?

Well, to be fair I don't know if telling the plot

of an old Black Mirror episode really counts as a ghost story.

Well, apparently, I am not allowed to talk about

what's actually scary like, oh, I don't know,

the fact that we won't have any potable water on the planet

- by the year 2040-- - Boo!

And what about Ferg?

All they did was read the Wikipedia article

for the Slender Man killings, word for word.

Uh, you don't think that shit's scary?

Mm-mm.

Must be nice

No, I'm serious I mean, that's, that's a textbook example

of magical thinking IRL.

Of pulling a constructed image and making it manifest

- into our reality, like-- - Please, no, I can't.

You're up, Wilda.

What? Oh, I don't, I don't know any ghost stories.

Come on, you got to tell us one, even if it sucks.

Seriously, I don't know any.

You should tell them about how you grew up

next door to a serial killer.

You are such a dick, Grant.

What? When? I didn't know that.

Honestly, it's like the single, most interesting thing

about you.

It's not even like a story, okay? It's just a fact.

Okay, so my family lived in Brigham City,

for a couple years when I was growing up.

And the guy who lives in the house next to us...

I guess he, like, killed a couple people.

But like, not even in the house we lived by.

Richard Cruz Debussy.

He was legit, Last Podcast even did an episode on him.

Look it up, Ferg.

Okay.

I got it.

Richard Cruz Debussy AKA the "Loop Slayer"...

...was an American serial killer

active in Nevada and western Utah from...

Holy shit, dude! I remember this.

- He escaped from prison, right? - Yeah, a week before

he was supposed to go in front of the firing squad, too.

- They never caught him either. - They never caught him?

Fuck.

He was already really old, though.

There's no way he's alive now.

What makes you such a fucking expert?

It was big news! And, and my grandpa,

he, he won the Rocky Mountain Pulitzer

for reporting on the trial.

right before he retired from Channel 2.

Guys, this isn't, like, fun for me, okay?

I can see this guy in my memory...

He had these big glasses... weird mustache...

He always wore this big, green hunting jacket

in the middle of winter.

He'd wave at us from his mailbox while we were playing outside...

It's weird, I don't know,

it's like creepy flashbacks from some shitty horror movie.

Interesting. What if they are?

What?

What if they are just bad horror movie flashbacks?

I don't know. I don't understand.

Okay, like this, right now.

What if we're actually in a horror movie?

Four annoying college kids, alone in the desert,

just waiting to get picked off, one by one.

Don't you think it's a little convenient,

that we're the only ones out here?

Grant, don't.

You know how tweaked out Ferg gets with all that

Philip K. Dick "questioning the nature of reality" shit.

I mean, this is exactly what I'm talking about.

"Phase Perception."

A million different things could show up

and kill us at any moment.

Like, a hoard of irradiated zombies.

You know, Central Utah is where like, 90 percent

of America's toxic waste is stored, right?

- Jesus, fuck no! - Or aliens.

I mean, Area 51 is not too far from here.

Oh, man, fucking aliens?

You know those guys fucking love the desert.

- Guys, can we not? - No, Wilda's right.

The Four Corners are a legendary UFO hotspot.

Why do you think all these satanic biker cults

like it around here so much?

Uh, satanic biker cults, huh? But why?

Jesus Christ, you guys

are the biggest group of fucking idiot nerds on the planet.

Actually.

I'm the stock geek protagonist.

You're the alpha-jerk bully. Ferg is the stoner comic relief.

And Wilda...

Wilda is "the girl."

I am not just "the girl."

That's exactly what that kind of underwritten

female character might say.

"I'm not just the girl." That's classic.

Let me guess the twist ending.

You go around and cut each of our heads off, huh?

No, that would be "hack."

What's that dick donut for?

This is reflective tape.

I'm gonna use it to mark off our campsite before lights out.

Make sure no wild animals enter here.

What, are you scared?

It's not for our protection, it's for theirs.

Let's call it.

We got a big hike tomorrow.

Oh, okay.

- Good night. - Good night.

So, we're still just... keeping things cool?

Yeah. With simple, clear boundaries.

Boo!

Don't do that!

I just thought a little jump scare might wake you up.

I know how much you love 'em.

Who else is hung over? The trick is to stay hydrated.

- I like your pants, Ferg. - Oh, thank you.

these are my shark shorts, an unholy sigil

to give me shark powers for our hike today.

- Sick. - All right.

Who's ready to see this fucking arch?

Perfect! Everybody brought hiking boots, I hope.

You're not wearing those fucking shorts, are you?

Wilda and the very happy campers

crested the switchback into view.

Breathing heavily, reeking terribly.

Secreting from their pores, the foul smelling remnants

of last night's booze and drugs.

An olfactory salute to fearless living.

The bottle of wine in Wilda's backpack

certainly wasn't growing any less heavy

as Cody's ceaseless death march to Delicate Arch continued.

Are you seriously planning on doing the whole hike

in that weird voice? Because it's super annoying.

Said Cody, all the while silently contemplating

his tiny little cock and balls.

I have... to rest.

We've already stopped, like ten times.

No, come on, let's take a break.

Wilda had never sweat so much in all her goddang life.

And for the first time since arriving in the desert

her buzz was completely gone.

- This made Wilda very sad. - Aw, don't worry, cuz.

I'll carry you the rest of the way.

Hey. Be careful! Be careful!

Okay, put me down! Put me down.

Hey, you know what? I wanted to wait

until we got to the arch but I kinda think

if we take these now,

we might be able to time our peak to hit

right when we get to the bowl up top.

What, you brought mushrooms? Yes!

Of course, I brought mushrooms. I'm the lovable stoner, right?

Well, "lovable" wasn't

necessarily part of your character description.

Do we seriously have to do this? This is just gonna slow us down.

You need to chill out, dude, or else,

we're all gonna fuckin' mutiny.

Fine.

If it shuts you up.

Hey, have you ever tried mushrooms?

No, I... I don't like mushrooms.

Yeah, well, they're not like, on a fucking pizza, dude.

You gotta start partying, like, now.

Or else you're gonna turn into a fucking pumpkin

like you did yesterday.

Come on.

Fine, fuck!

Whoa, whoa, whoa! That's way too many.

- Dude! - Oh, my god!

They're like those Harry Potter jelly beans that taste like

- farts and boogers! - Come on, Cody's right.

We should try to make to the arch

before shit starts to get weird.

Said Wilda, graciously offering to lead the way.

Okay.

If you're doing a story of my ass,

- I'll fucking kill you. - Gross, I would never.

You know, it's particularly fucked up,

since you two are blood related.

Nah, the incest taboo is just a fucking

bougie societal construct, dude.

No. It exists to help strengthen the genetic diversity

- of the herd, man. - Whatever.

Hey, how you doin' back there, Grant?

Hey Ferg, be careful walking backwards--

- Nah, I'm good. - No, be careful--

- Nah, I said I'm good. - There you go.

Ow!

Now you're pretending to be confused on purpose.

My point is, if aliens do exist, why do we always assume that

they would wanna try and contact us humans?

So, what are you saying, then?

That they rather talk to computers? Whales?

Try fucking coral reefs, dude.

If you look at the earth from outer space,

it's like, mostly fucking water, dude.

- You sound like Cody. - Hey.

And I mean, who's to say that the extraterrestrials

wouldn't be aquatic themselves, like...

like Edric the Guild Navigator. Right, Grant?

- Huh. - So, wait.

You think that that means coral?

It depends if their brains are just one big jelly muscle

like ours or... or if it's spread out

across their whole nervous system, dude.

I think Grant's gonna puke.

You know. Ferg is right about one thing.

That people's relationship to their environment

shapes what they value,

how they interpret the world around them.

Guys, should we be worried about Grant?

He looks not, uh, great.

I read this article about a commencement speech

a few years ago, right? And it was about

these two adolescent fish and they're swimming

through a river minding their own business.

And... and this, uh,

This older fish, he comes up to them,

and he says, "How's the water, boys?"

And he swims away.

And these two adolescent fish, they turn,

they turn to each other, they look each other in the eyes

and they say...

"What the hell is water?"

Grant stops to search for our face,

staring out into nothing,

with two drooling, drugged mouths.

Did you hear that?

It was a... it was a woman. She said,

"Once again, Grant has his back turned,

staring off into nothing with... with two eyes

made out of drooling, drug mouths."

That was it, word for word.

It was Wilda.

No, it wasn't. It wasn't me.

Yeah, like immersive theater.

There was this installation in Spain.

It was like, a pop-up house party thing basically.

- And at first, it seems like... - Where... where are we?

...a normal party, food, drinks.

A DJ playing super fast EDM, lots and lots of people.

And you just kind of hang out in that room for a while,

and then, you get like, kind of pushed into

an even... like a slightly smaller room,

where there's less food, not as much to drink,

and the music is like, slower.

- More sparse and minimalistic... - This...

...and you're in the second room...

...this isn't Arches!

and then like, without even fricking noticing,

you're like, in an even smaller room.

- And then-- - Dude, shit!

Are those buzzards?

Until suddenly, you were in a closet, all by yourself,

holding a hand mirror with a note written in Sharpie

across the glass, "Koko Kara Deru."

- What's that mean? - I think it means,

"Leave through here" in Japanese.

Or "Get out of here."

Before we get back to civilization,

I'm gonna need you to delete anything that could end up

on some creepy jack-off Reddit.

Chill out, I'm just playing around with some new filters.

- Yo, can I see them? - Yeah.

Did you guys ever see the movie Midnight Special?

There's this idea in it, of another world

- built on top of our world. - Jesus Christ.

My man takes drugs one time and immediately becomes Ferg.

Like, it's just sitting there

on top of our reality.

Another world that our reality wears over itself.

Like a... like an invisible ski parka or something.

- Do... does that make sense? - Come on, guys.

Can we just get to this goddamn rock already?

These mushrooms have added like an hour to this thing.

We are, chill out.

- Dude. - Spelunking.

Don't call me "dude."

And watch your step right here, this...

- "Watch your step right here!" - "Watch your step right here!"

Don't mimic me, please.

- "Don't mimic me!" - I'm not mimicking you,

I'm just repeating it.

I got it.

It's so beautiful out here.

We are at the halfway point of Delicate Arch.

Yeah, no shit, dude and we still gotta climb back down.

No. Delicate Arch, the movie.

You know, this area is considered sacred

by this region's, uh, indigenous people.

The Pueblos, the Hopis, the, eh, Utes. The Utes.

They thought that these arches were portals

to another time and space.

If you walk behind the portals,

you essentially enter a dream world.

It is the convergence

in time and location of two great migrations.

Jump scare!

I hate that!

Jump scares are so cheap and stupid.

Only 'cause I made you shit your pants.

A sudden burst of noise or motion

promoting an involuntary physiological response

isn't fear.

It's just superficial animal instinct.

You keep talking like a nerd, I'm gonna beat you up

and take your fucking lunch money like a nerd, too.

Ouch!

Hey, go grab the others.

I think I have an idea for a movie.

Okay, and the hand reaches uselessly.

It can't get the cigarettes. Continues to reach uselessly.

Continues to reach, and...

Cut!

Oh, my god.

- Hey, that was fun. - Yeah, that was good.

I don't think I get it though, still.

What is it like, uh, an addiction metaphor?

Maybe, I don't know, it's mostly just the best idea

I could think to do with what we have to work with.

Well, it's not like you care,

but I thought the whole thing was pretty "meh."

We could have chosen a more dynamic location,

like the hot springs.

No, I didn't write anything like that into this idea.

What do you mean?

You just came up with this "idea" like

- five seconds ago. - No!

If it's not motivated, and it's not in the frame,

then it doesn't exist.

But I guess we could still do Ferg's zombie thing instead.

- Yes! - Uh, no.

we're not cutting up our foreheads

just for your video.

Why not? Wrestlers do it all the time.

Yeah, I'm down! I'm down!

- No! - No!

Hey, we need to talk.

Oh. Yeah, sure.

Where's Grant?

I don't know.

Fuck.

Grant?

Yeah?

Uh, we need a favor.

Wh... what is it?

We were just wondering if we could use your car

to go into town for just, like, an hour?

What, why?

Turns out this guy from my fluid mech intensive is down here too.

And he just texted me and told me that

he's got a bunch of extra Molly, which he can hook us up with

- if we want any. - Which we do.

I don't know, I was kind of hoping

maybe we would just chill out tonight.

Me too, that's exactly what Molly is, Beverly.

Chilling out.

Okay fine, let's all go. I'll drive.

Afraid not.

Fluid Mech is only gonna deal with somebody he knows.

Alone.

Why-- Then why is Wilda going?

Because...

P.G.D.

P.G.D? Wha... what's that?

"Pretty Girl Discount."

Cody thinks Fluid Mech will give us like 20 percent off

- if we use... - Yeah.

...my toothsome cutie pie smile

to vex and beguile his base male instincts.

Ew! No.

- Tha... that's so gross. No way. - Please? Pretty, pretty, please?

Okay, fine. Whatever.

Just text me so I know everything goes okay.

You got it, man.

Thanks

- I'm gonna go get my wallet. - Thanks.

Wilda, can I ask you something.

Promise you won't get mad?

Okay. Yeah, what is it?

Well, like.

What's going on between you two?

You two who?

You and Cody. Like...

It's okay if you're hooking up. All right, I'm not jealous,

it just, it sucks that you'd hide something

- like that from me. - Oh, my god.

Grant, can you give me more credit than that?

I don't care, I'm not like obsessed or anything.

It's just kind of immature,

- is all. - Grant.

Please don't start some weird drama.

I'm not! You're the one sneaking around,

going off on your secret little

- Molly missions together. - Grant, we talked about this.

For hours and hours, we talked.

We laid all the ground rules.

And I feel like you're doing it again.

This fake shit, trying to act all cool.

I mean, come on, just friends is what we talked about,

- and you promised me. - We are friends!

- You promised me. - I know what I promised.

- I know that I did. - You were the one who wanted to

- break up with me, remember? - Whoa, what the fuck?

- Wilda, we both decided. - No!

No, I'm not gonna argue with a crazy person.

Okay, stop! Okay, look.

Look, I'm the one that finally brought it up,

but you were totally checked out of the relationship for months.

That's not what I'm talking about.

I'm talking about the creeping around.

The following me.

- The watching? - I'm sorry,

I just wanna know what's up with you.

That you're okay.

You're my fucking friend, you know?

Cody too.

Whatever.

Enjoy the truck.

Fuck you.

You okay, dude?

I'm fine.

Ah, shit, man.

I mean, this is roughing it.

You know, this dusty boy's our last brew dog.

Hey, when are Cody and Wilda coming back with the re-up?

I don't know.

About ho...- how long ago did they leave?

Uh...

Fuck.

My battery's dead. You got a remote charger or something?

Yeah, in... the truck. My phone, too.

Oh, so what?

We're phoneless? Fucking phoneless bitches, dude?

Why aren't they back yet? Like, should we be worried?

Oh, you think it was the zombies?

Shut up.

Or, hey, maybe it was the aliens, or fuck,

- the apocalypse bikers, dude? - Knock it off!

Hey, like you said, we're near skinwalker, right?

Stop! Just be quiet.

Or maybe...

What if we unlocked something at the arch?

You know, Cody said it was a portal.

Shut up! Just shut the fuck up.

I'm sorry, I just...

I wanna know what's up with them.

Like, what's taking them so goddamn long?

We should try and calm down, okay?

Got any ghost stories?

No.

I'm not really in the mood.

Hello?

Ferg?

Ferg!

Ferg!

Ferg, wait!

Ferg!

Wait!

Ferg. Ferg!

Cody?

Wilda?

Where were you?

What the hell are you doing? I'm-- I'm here. Stop shaking me!

I'm here.

What were you doing in my tent?

Were you trying to take my camera?

No, you weren't here. You were not here.

I think, uh...

...I passed out. There was, like...

a fucking city out there.

What did you slip me last night?

I told you. Nothing--

Now, I need to know.

Why weren't you in your tent last night?

Because I was looking for you! You fucking moron drug addict!

Your brains are so fucked,

you were sleepwalking around like a fucking asshole!

- There's no more water? - Yeah, we're out of everything.

Cody and Wilda are still gone?

Yeah, and they have all our keys,

and our phones, and all our shit too!

Okay.

And we need to calm down, okay?

I'm sure they'll be back soon, they have to be.

You said I was sleepwalking?

Yeah

- What the hell are you doing? - I'm gonna look

- for Cody and Wilda. - Ferg!

No! There's no more water.

It's too far, and it's supposed to get really, really hot today.

You were right about this being a fucking

- horror movie, dude. - Don't be stupid!

I was just fucking around with you!

No, you weren't just fucking around!

You weren't.

I knew you felt it, but now I feel it too, dude.

And Cody and Wilda? I mean, what?

They're just, like, sitting ducks out there?

- Are you fucking for real? - Exactly!

Am I fucking for real?

I don't know.

Or, you know... ... maybe...

Hey, maybe my existence started

when you guys pulled up in a car right out front of my house.

Or...

Or whoever's house that was,

you know, that-- that-- that-- that the film crew rented

to use as a location for the movie that we're in--

Okay, you are on too many fucking drugs.

- No, I'm not. - Cut it out

with the metaphysical bullshit, okay?

Look.

Don't go. Okay?

What am I gonna do here by myself?

I don't know! I don't know.

I just know that I need to leave, like, right now.

Ferg, please.

I have a really bad feeling about this.

No, get outta my way!

So, we're in a horror movie?

So what? What do you think happens

to the main characters

when they all start going off one by one?

- We need to stick together. - Fuck you, dude!

And let me out. Look, I just need to leave.

Okay.

Well, I have to stay.

Why? Why?

Come with me, please!

I can't.

Fuck! Okay!

Then I'll just see you later, huh?

I'll just see you later.

You're making a huge mistake!

Who?

Fuck you! Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you!

Cody! Wilda!

What the fuck!

What's zee problem?

Did zee fart mobile run out of zee farts, blegh!

It just needs a second.

Fucking Grant's car sucks as bad as his shitty movies

Uh-oh! Vadda you think, Creap Heap?

Zee car is dead. Shall we bail und flail?

Or shall we stay and filet?

Leave your creepy comment below, ah ah ah!

You know, I don't really get it

Are you supposed to be, like, the Count

from Sesame Street or something?

Mm, more like Elvira or Vampira.

Or like a sexy, um, cryptkeeper, I guess?

Well, are you German and Hungarian?

Because your accent just keeps going back and forth.

Look, the Creap Heap is a work in progress, okay?

Okay.

Fucking Grant!

Of course, you've got six tons of stage makeup in your car

and zero roadside repair kits. Get outta my face.

Just think how bored we would be if he did not.

Ugh! How long have we been

- stuck out here? - Fifteen minutes?

An hour? Two hours?

Like, I literally don't know anymore.

Holy shit, are these guys for real?

What?

Are these guys, right here, are they fucking for real?

What is happen--

- Oh, my God! - Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck!

They're for real.

Shit. Shit! Fuck!

Did zee fart mobile run out of zee farts? Blegh!

It just needs a second.

Fucking Grant's car sucks as bad as his shitty movies.

How long have we been stuck in here?

I don't know, 15 minutes?

An hour? Two hours? I literally don't know.

What the f-- Who the hell are they?

- Ah, ah ah! - No, no, I'm serious.

Who, who the hell are they? Shit! Shit!

Oh, my God!

Fuck!

Shit!

Ferg steps into their fate...

and in seeing their face, now sees ours...

Together they burn.

I can't get the camera!

No! Oh, ah!

Fuck!

Fuck!

Ferg!

Jesus Christ!

I got you.

Ferg...

I'm sorry, Ferg.

No, don't look at them!

What are you doing?

No! Fuck, dude!

Don't!

Cody?! Wilda?!

Oh, my God, Kevin!

Why would you do this?

And why would you do this

to me?

Wilda!

Wilda!

What the fuck!

What is happening?

- No! - Someone call 9-1-1!

So, how is he?

I couldn't bring myself to go in,

but Wilda's in there right now.

So, Ojai, Krotona?

Are you nervous?

Uh, just trying to stay present.

Wait, ther-- One more thing. Ther--

Delta Flight 6504 to Los Angeles

now boarding Group C.

Uh, that's me.

Okay dude, um, give Wilda my love,

and, and yeah, I gotta go.

Hey! Uh, how is he?

This is where he needs to be, yeah?

- They can help him here. - It's over.

Yeah, no, I, I understand.

Um... it's been a lot.

No, that's not what I mean.

Is... is anyone still there?

Hello?