Original subtitles

Thank you.

A lousy appendix.

He should have laid off the booze, too.

The moment he goes into the ground, our grosses go with him. Right, so before

they take him out of here, we gotta re -release his movies into every theater

the country. That's why I got the lab working night and day, grinding out

reprints of the Sheik. Which labs?

Better not be pathetic, Jesse. I got son of a Sheik running through. Listen,

listen, we've all gotta get together on this, cash in on this publicity, but

quick. All right, so what's the answer?

Say, sweetie, you look kind of cute all alone with your posy.

Make a nice picture.

How about a big smile?

Leave me alone.

Hey, don't I know... I know who you are.

Hey, but keep it under my hat. You wouldn't want those vultures to get

hooks into you.

How about it, Bianca, huh?

A little exclusive about you and Rudy?

Exclusive? It was splashed across every newspaper in the country.

Yeah, that was over ten years ago.

Then it didn't matter.

He was just an immigrant bumming around New York. Nothing but a gigolo. He was

not a gigolo. He was a professional dancer.

It's pretty risky playing around with somebody like you.

Somebody married to a big noise and the rackets. It was perfectly innocent.

We were just two lonely foreigners finding a little companionship on the

floor. Yeah, I heard all about the private lessons.

Hey, that's great. Now what?

Take a big sniff of the panthers. They're violets!

Too bad.

From what I hear, panthers would have been more appropriate.

Very fortunate for me. That was so exciting to watch.

Rudy, is this gentleman who I think he is?

Oh, yes, sorry.

This... Vaclav Nizhinsky.

Signor Nizhinsky. This is my very dear friend Bianca, the solace. A chante.

If you could have just seen him tripping the life fantastic with that ballet

dancer, he'd have gone bananas.

Talk about dance of a sugarplum fairy.

Bianca was dancing with the fairy.

No, she didn't dance with the fairy. I'm talking about Valentino.

Well, how'd they look?

They looked as though they were crazy about one another.

No, not Valentino and the fairy.

Valentino and your wife.

Oh, Christ, do you think they go to bed together?

No, I don't think they do.

I think the hardest thing ever gets holding hands while he gives her private

lessons on my dance floor.

They don't call him Saint Rudolpho for nothing.

All right, listen, baby, I'll be down there later.

Yeah, I'll see you later.

Hey. Mm?

You keep it warm for me, Toots.

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm keeping it warm.

Good afternoon, Miss Billy.

Okay, fellas.

Straighten up. You look like the hunchback of Notre Dame.

What happened to you?

You sent me for a haircut, Miss Billy.

Not to Alcatraz, I didn't.

Biting your nails again, Federico.

Sorry, Miss Billy.

Keep that up and I'll put you in a street jacket.

Oh, no, in midsummer. I'm getting a treat, Miss Billy.

Poached or sunny side up?

Who for Christ's sake are you?

I'm Jimmy Grimaldi, the replacement from the agency, Miss Billy.

Oh, you are, are you?

Well, you better get some polish on your shoes, Jimmy, otherwise you're going to

end up shining other people, just like your predecessor.

I'll try a new cream, Miss Billy. Ain't there never heard a spit where you

people come from?

The only one to cut any ice out of the whole bunch of you is St.

Rudolfo here.

Even though he does act as though he owned the joint.

But I was giving a private lesson, Billy.

You give too many private lessons.

Lay off the Dothals, Dane.

Circulate more, baby.

Give some of the older broads a whirl.

They tip better.

And while we're at it... Don't go welching on the tips, Jimmy. It's 50

anybody who forgets that is fired.

And for Christ's sake, smile.

That seems better lined up than the police, does it?

You dance divinely.

Only with you. With everyone else, I have two left feet.

I think you are too kind.

I could dance all night with you. In your arms, I can forget for a moment

am but a slave.

Everyone's a command by the lift of an eyebrow.

Oh, I can't bear to share you with anyone.

Come to me tonight.

Nothing would give me greater pleasure if the health

of my poor widowed mother would permit it. You dear, sweet boy.

A bientot.

Ma belle madonna del cafe triste.

Would madam honour me with the next dance?

I've been thinking about what you say.

If I leave him, he'll kill me.

He would never dare to touch the wife of Rodolfo Valentino.

I have considered it.

You must divorce him.

Oh, Rudy, if only I could.

I know he's cheating on me with every Korean in town, but anyone crazy enough

testify against him is going to end up as a hole in the East River.

I will testify.

Valentino is not afraid.

That's wonderful of you, Rudy.

But how would you get the dirt on him?

That won't be difficult.

I... No more tea time hops with day

goats for you, baby.

Hello, pretty boy.

The music is not quite over, senor.

It's for you, sweetheart. Now you go straighten up your lipstick before your

-gimp guinea. Shut up, goddammit!

Waltzing with wops is one thing, but he's a pantheon.

Sir, I'm an artist.

A professional dancer.

You know?

I say any guy who dances with another guy is a powder puff. You got that, Wap?

I didn't tell him.

Ah, Billy.

Someone left the table door open.

Then quit hosting around with the customers.

You're fired. Get off the floor.

You know, there ought to be a law stopping you lounge lizards from

this country.

Here, get yourself a bowl of spaghetti.

Let's go.

Let's get out of here.

Hey, waiter.

Show me to the bath table.

I have just become a customer.

Watch the birdie.

I just waited and watched.

I have known about them for some time now, Bianca dear, but I kept it from you

for fear of hurting you.

We are all creatures of habit.

Soon you will be free of him.

Oh, thank you.

How do you like it? Al dente?

Oh, Rudy, any way you like.

Oh, it's such a relief.

If you only knew what I've been through.

He frightens me.

Right after the divorce, we must go away somewhere I'll be safe.

In California, on my farm.

There you will be safe.

That farm's a dream.

Already, in one year, I saved $800, and that is no dream.

Soon, we'll have one just like that.

And there's my diploma of agriculture to prove it.

How about your mama's steamship ticket? You're saving up for that, too,

remember? It won't be expensive.

I owe it to her.

When father died, she worked very hard to bring up the family and send me here.

Wait till you meet her.

We don't have to wait.

I could sell my jewelry tomorrow for plenty.

That belongs to you and Joey.

I wouldn't dream of it.

And you won't mind taking him along?

Every farmer needs a family.

I'll have a head start.

Be patient.

We'll soon have enough to get married. We've got the money.

Now what's stopping us?

Rudy, we can't live here.

It would not be honorable for me to accept money from you.

But you take money from other women. What's the difference?

The difference is I love you.

They buy my flattery and my time, but my love is not for sale.

Eddie, stop!

Go for the front door. Walk up.

Walk up.

I got him.

That's enough, you bastard.

Shut up.

Now you're going to get what's coming for you.

Keep that thing quiet.

Let him out of there, Rocky.

You're not taking it from me.

You beat the murder rap on the grounds you act on a maternal instinct.

I guess you did mean your son.

You believe that story Valentino died of ulcers or appendix or something?

I don't think I like that. Only 31 years old, had everything anybody could ever

want. All the women in the world at his feet.

What did he have to worry about to get ulcers? You think maybe your husband's

old pals rubbed him out? You know, a slug of arsenic, a bullet in the gut.

Hey, you gotta admit, they ran out of New York, chased him all the way to

Hollywood. Some skeletons should be allowed to rest in their closets.

Bridger and Mathis, aren't you? No.

He was jumping on the bandwagon.

Mussolini even sent a guard to honor him. He hated Rudy's movies.

Say, there's a story flying around that he actually died in your arms.

Is that true?

No.

But if you've got the story, why do you want the truth?

Oh, give me a break, June. All I need is one little quote coming from you to

mean something.

After all, you did launch the guy.

You make it sound like a battleship.

Not that he didn't always have some kind of a fight on his hands.

What would you call him?

In a word.

In a word?

To me, he was... a dancer.

That's right. He was a gigolo.

Listen, by the time he hit Hollywood, he'd climbed out of the ballroom. He was

cabaret.

He was a partner to an exhibition dancer on the skid. He carried that act in

more ways than one.

Funny how he was dependent on some dame all... all his life.

Is that where you discovered him, in a cabaret?

I just happened to be at Baron Long's on the night of his... farewell

performance.

You've got two more shows yet. How about easing up on that, huh? Look!

I've been in this business 20 years. I know my limit. Sister, you are the

Can I have a look at the Valenti?

Valentino. Hey, Valentino. Hey, anything you've got to say to him, you can say

to me. It's my act, not his.

Okay, and you listen to me.

You know, I've got a bunch of these movie crowds coming in for the next

and they're pretty bad ones, so I'm warning you. What do you expect?

Los Angeles is still a cow town.

Right. Then don't try sleeping this joke at the ball.

You're not satisfied with our act, I take it, Mr. Long?

Baron Long, if you don't mind.

Ah, excuse me. Ah, come on, she's no power over the hill. She's below sea

I know this isn't a coconut grove, but I expect something for my money. I fell

for your chart.

Without this ruby slob, I'm just another beer joint.

She'd better get Miss Tania to tighten up her two -step.

You'll both be practicing on the sidewalk.

Get the dress.

See you out there in 20 minutes.

Over.

See you later.

Charming individual.

You'll forgive me, Miss Tane, but perhaps it has a point.

If you'd awakened in time for a curse... Oh, stow the eager beaver stuff.

Anytime you want to... That two -bit musical I found you in in Omaha.

Anytime you want to catch up to it, okay.

Or New York.

Maybe you want to walk back into that DeSalt Smith.

A little hot for you still, huh?

No!

You're lucky to be touring the boonies after what you did.

Killing a man.

If you're keeping those lapels polished for a comeback, forget it.

They have a long memory in New York.

They seem to have forgotten you.

Easily enough.

Mr. Kid Glove. Is that what all those ladies paid you for?

A real lady never pays for anything, Miss Tane.

They're right.

Well, God help you, Junior.

If you ever have anything worth taking, some bright bitch is going to give you

the ride of your life.

Hey, I'm sorry.

It wouldn't have worked out with you and that Saul's dame anyway.

What's the other one?

Hey girls, a big train in a small tunnel, just like last night.

obscure them with your chin.

Permit me to complete your dance card.

El Chocolo!

Don't tell me I know!

Japan!

I'm sure he's going to be mad at me.

You are much better off without that, Elefante.

My mouth is good. Yeah. Good, huh? Yeah.

Nice and creamy.

Yeah.

They don't like me ordering them. Like how he has to lose weight.

Then he'd have nothing to chuck

around.

Sorry about this little mess here.

My maid ain't on tonight.

You mean you live here all alone?

Yeah.

I'm getting a bigger spot, too. Soon as I get a raise.

One more picture.

My contract's up for renewal.

Picture? Yes.

I guess you're not exactly a charter member of my fan club, huh?

No, I'm sorry.

I don't go to many movies.

But I'm sure I've seen you somewhere before.

Yeah? Well,

don't worry about it.

There's plenty to have.

You ain't even seen the poster for my new movie?

They're all over...

I've just arrived from Omaha.

Yeah?

Well, say, you ought to try to picture yourself where you're staying for a

while. You got a lot of style.

I mean, that's a strictly professional compliment.

I haven't had much acting experience, I'm afraid.

Acting? No.

All you need in movies is to look sincere.

Let me tell you, brother, looking sincere in this town is a lot of hard

There must be more tracking than that.

No, silly.

Nobody even hears a word you say.

So lots of times when I'm supposed to be saying my lines, I just mouth a lot of

cuss words. Try and wake up the kids on the crew.

Maybe you can teach me a few cuss words.

Sure.

I do feel kind of responsible for you.

Losing your job and all.

What's the, um...

Lady taking care of you?

I'm unattached, unemployed, no strings.

Well, you'll do all right.

Would you believe it?

Last year, I was waiting tables in Dallas.

Just imagine.

Well, Richard, what do you think?

He looks what he is, a dancehall gigolo. Come on, Richard. What do you expect?

He's a Keystone II reeler. Now forget the part he's playing and use your

imagination.

Oh, now there's a possibility.

Wally Reed.

Hey, don't laugh.

He's a star. Big box office. Not a bit player like your man.

You see, honey, Wally's the boy next door all the women love. Listen, I know

women of America.

And they want a vamoose from the boy next door.

Valentino's their ticket to a faraway land of romance.

Now, remember, our hero in the movie is from South America.

Not South Dakota.

You give Reed sideburns and a bottle of brilliantine and he's as Latin as, uh,

well, you know, um, as a Mexican jumping bean.

More like six foot of homegrown corn.

Mm.

Well, at least he's tried and tested. We're making a million -dollar movie.

can I take a chance on an unknown like Valentine?

Valentino. Valentino. You liked him when he danced with Barron Long.

Our picture isn't going to be one long tango. The parkour's for a great Latin

lover. The schmuck looks like a tailor's dummy.

Well, he does have to dance with her. The only time Wally looks good is when

he's holding a football.

my Richard.

What do you say?

Well, he wears a custard pie as well as the next man, but honey, he'd look

better carrying a tray than carrying a picture.

I've seen enough. No, wait a minute. No, wait a minute. Okay, wait. Now, that

was a mistake, but wait a minute. I want you to see him in something romantic. I

want you to see him in something dramatic.

Honey, I can't offer this guy to a director like Rex Ingram.

He'll buy it. Don't you forget, you didn't want Rex either until I sold him

you. Bert, Bert, can you kill this and run the Married Virgin?

Married Virgin?

What I hear of Valentino, it's perfect casting.

Sorry, Judy.

Well, at least give him a screen test.

It would be a waste of good film stock.

Hey, isn't this the jerk that married that star, what's her name, Gina? And on

their wedding night, she locked him out of the honeymoon suite? Hey, this guy

doesn't want a screen test. He wants a sex test.

Awesome boy next door, Wally Reed. Can he get through a day without cocaine?

At least Wally sniffs it, which is more than Valentino does for his wife.

Oh, Richard, now come on.

You've got to trust me.

If the test is no good, you pay for the film stock.

You've got a deal.

Okay.

Skip the rest, Bert. Send all the stuff back to the distributors.

You look as if you're lost.

Miss Mathis? That's me.

Your secretary said I should come right on up.

You are not Mr. Rudolph Valentino by any chance.

It's Valentino right now, but I'm figuring on change to Rudolph.

I mean, Richard Valentine.

Howdy, ma 'am.

Pleased to meet you.

Afraid I'm much early, but I guess I'm just a natural getter.

and go get her.

Well, I'm not sure that you're early enough.

Richard, we were just checking through your credits.

I have my credentials right here. My diploma.

I graduated with first class honors.

Diploma? Yes, right there.

Collegio Reale Agrico... The Royal Agricultural College

of Genoa?

Not unlike Yale in many ways.

And you want to cultivate a big crop of lettuce here in California, right?

Not lettuce.

Oranges.

Oranges? Yeah, I aim to buy an orange grove.

But my mother is far from well. And first I must make some money to bring

over from Italy.

Well, maybe you're about to do just that.

You know why you're here?

You are writing a screenplay. And I'll watch me for the hero, I hope. Am I

right?

Do you know what thought of a hero?

There's only one thought.

The clean -cut American boy.

And as you can see, I'm as Yankee as they come. Yeah, but the hero of the

Horsemen of Apocalypse is a gaucho from Argentina with a taste for the tango.

And he's Latin.

Count Rodolfo Alfonso Raffaele, Pietro Filiberto, Guillermo de Valentino, and

Antonio Guala. At your service, signorina.

Of course, it's a gamble. Who ever heard of a dago playing a dago? At least, I

said, let's give the guy a screen test. Well, the rest is history.

June? Hello, June.

Morning, folks.

Just running the tango scene, Richard. Trying out some music.

That sounds good. Okay, I'm going to leave you here with June, the judge, for

yourselves. Let me know what you think.

Is that Valentina?

Well, he certainly can dance.

I like.

Yes, I like very much.

Very good.

Oh, beautiful, beautiful animal.

Like a tiger. He moves like a tiger.

Brave. What sensuality.

Oh, how clever you are, Mirushka.

Thank you, Mr. Moore.

I think he's got class.

This is the guy you've been looking for.

If he can act.

With you, they don't have to act.

What a treasure.

Oh, dear Bochka, come and meet my latest discovery.

Natasha Rambova.

Hi, Natasha.

Hello. Since last night, she's my new designer.

Two discoveries in one day?

What dignity. I must meet him today. Where is he?

Well, at the moment, they're out in the valley shooting a battle scene. If you

like him, you'd better stake your claim right now. Because when this movie's

released, there's going to be a second gold rush.

Merci, ma chérie.

Oh, what glamour. What elegant.

Oh, like a woman.

Maybe his wife thought so.

Oh, you know...

Every day is Halloween in Tinseltown.

Where is he?

Where is my sweet Armand?

Hey,

Nazeema, but we missed it. One more time for the New York Post.

What a shame.

She would have made the Morris front page for sure.

Paramount, my love, it is I, your Camille.

I must be brave.

I remember that fateful meeting.

The four horsemen of the apocalypse were...

Symbolism. What an awful lot of horse shit.

Andrew, my boy. Yes, sir. Your outrage was committed.

Well, thank you, sir. You like your job? Yes, sir. Then you better learn to

recognize the untranquilina metro.

Get me a drink.

Any more, sir? Take it to Valentino. That woman will be the death of me.

Reload! Death?

No, death is truly symbolic.

Our meeting on this wasteland harbingers death of commerce.

And for you, my dear sweet boy, birth of art.

You can take your art, lady, and stuff it up your ass.

Natasha, translate, please. He has been...

He says that me is good drop.

Oh, okay.

Do rock. Yup. Do I you much?

That's not Valentino. He's over there

Well, where is he? Over there.

Sorry. You will forgive me, Miss Nazimova, for saying so, but I don't

Rudy's really exactly in the mood for company.

I beg your pardon?

I am sorry. It's just that, well, he's had a letter from Italy this morning.

His mother just passed away.

have found Ararmo.

We'll have to do something about this awful irony.

That I could have sacrificed my life for him in reality, as I sacrificed myself

for him long ago in Camille. Do you have a plan on making a comeback now's the

moment? I am waiting for the right vehicle.

A hearse, yes.

Did the failure of Camille set back Valentina's career?

Camille was a triumph.

Only moneylenders equate box office receipts with artistic merit.

Camille was turning point in Valentino's life. Is it right that he turned down a

part of John the Baptist in your homosexual production of Salome? He was

unavailable. So Rudy never worked with you again? Oh, poppycock.

We worked on history of dance project.

Russian ballet, Greek dancing, big production.

We even made toy board in my own home.

Isn't that so, Natasha?

Only no studio would finance it. No vision.

Were you the art director on that one, Natasha?

Naturally.

We were torn apart physically for a while

evil forces in Hollywood

But we never lost contact on the spiritual plane.

Which ended with his death.

Not at all. Has Valentino any message for his host of worshippers?

He has a message for everyone.

Dreaming when dawn's left hand was in the sky, I heard a voice from out the

heavens cry, Awake, my little one, and fill the cup before

life's liquor in it flasks. be dry.

He's advocating an end to prohibition?

Is that a quote from his book of poems? Sounds more like a Rubaiyat than Rudy.

Under my tutelage, Valentino became both a poet and a disciple of Omar Khayyam.

Is Omar the spirit medium through which you contact Rudy?

Misalopy.

Misalopy?

Who's Misalopy?

Take the bones of Miss Allaby and cast them in the sand before me.

What is Miss Allaby?

A key from the past to unlock the mysteries of the future.

Miss Allaby was the high priest to the god Osiris in Egypt 3 ,000 years ago.

Sacra Madonna.

What do you see?

Do you see love?

I see trouble.

Hi, Rudy.

I just saw the dailies. You're terrific.

We're going to wrap early, Rudy, because we've got a life problem.

Hello, Natasha. What are you doing here? Having a picnic?

Did you save those bones for my dogs?

I'd really like to send your dresser home early.

It's all right, George.

I'll manage.

Just remember to fold everything away neatly. Yes, George.

Well, watch out for sand snakes.

And if you ever want a job as a slave girl, just give me a ring.

Fine.

If you ever want to learn how to run a studio, just give me one.

Good night, Mr. Lasky.

Good night.

And try to save a little something for the big rape scene tomorrow, huh?

Let's go, George.

Here with a loaf of bread beneath the bough.

A flask of wine.

A book of verse.

And thou beside me singing in the wilderness.

Wilderness is paradise enough.

Did you write that?

Omar Khayyam.

Hey, maybe he can write our subtitles.

He's sort of retired.

Anyway. Be kind of a mouthful to say during a big rape scene, don't you

You couldn't, by any chance, be kidding me, could you?

I've never been more serious.

You've got to be careful now.

Poor Horseman and Camille made you a star.

They were quality movies.

You shouldn't be wasting your talent on this chic stuff.

Methelope's bones?

No, my own.

Your bones told me to leave Metro.

And you doubled your salary.

The next step is script approval.

What if Latke refuses?

Kiss him goodbye.

Become independent and produce your own films.

And Zimova did it.

Do you think any of the majors would have backed a work of art like Salome?

Those shoe peddlers think ours, Gratia Artis, means a great piece of ass.

How is Salome?

I finished my set designs last week.

And now I'm teaching Nisimava the dance of the seven veils.

You should be playing Salome yourself.

You like it there.

I would give half my kingdom for you to finish it.

Well, where is it? Where is what?

Half your kingdom.

Natasha, you know I love you.

Promises, promises. That is Herod. He wouldn't pay up either.

I meant I would give you anything.

Yes, I know what you were planning to give me.

Can you blame me?

Yes, but you were cheating.

You can't give me half your kingdom because it already belongs to your wife.

Wife? You know my marriage to Jean is no marriage at all.

I know she's suing you for separate maintenance.

The whole thing was a disaster.

Yes, I heard about the honeymoon fiasco.

They say that when it got right down to it, you couldn't even pay the bill.

I was down on my luck.

Yes, and when your luck changed, you walked out on her.

She did the walking, not me.

Then you should file a... Craft complaint.

For divorce.

I couldn't.

Last time I got mixed up in a divorce, somebody got hurt.

Besides, it's not honorable to sell a woman's reputation in the court.

A court? A tent? What's the difference?

If I sue for divorce, would you accept it?

Except what?

Half my kingdom.

I never do anything halfway, darling.

That's one thing you should learn about me right now.

That I'm going to become your wife.

Natasha.

You make me the happiest of men.

And you promised to bolt it away neatly for the big rape scene tomorrow.

Now, would you get dressed?

You look silly lying there in nothing but a turban.

I'm the Sheik of Araby Your love belongs

to me At night when you're asleep

Into your tent I'll creep The

stars that shine above Will light our way to

life You'll rule this land with me,

the Sheik of Araby.

Over the desert wild and free, rides the bold sheik of

Araby.

His Arab band, at his command, follow his love's

caravan.

Under the shadow of the pond,

he thinks to call her to his arms.

You talk us into doing a storyboard for the next movie, then you sell it to the

press as pornography.

Oh, but I did not plan it that way. Please believe me, dear Vouchka.

We will still make the dance film, yes?

We will still make the dance film, no.

Miss Zellope says it's time to change partners.

I'm getting married. Oh, but you can't.

Spaghetti and divorce is not final.

This is big on me. Not in Mexico, it's not. And his name is Rudolph.

You're not very lucky with your wedding night, son.

I'm sorry to bother you, but it's important.

It must be to tear you away from Sunday brunch.

Rudy is in big trouble.

What's the matter? Is he hurt? No, no, no, nothing like that. He's in jail.

Jail? In jail, the cops are holding him on a bigamy charge. He and Natasha got

antsy, you see. So they skipped across the border for a Mexican marriage and

they got caught on the way back.

Now, June, if he's convicted, it's good for one to five years.

And the D .A. has set the bail at $10 ,000 on a Sunday, the bastard.

Have you tried Alasky?

Yes, yes, but he's not taking any calls.

Then we'd better make a call on him.

In person. I've got my car right outside.

Hurry, hurry, George.

We don't want to spend time in jail.

Afternoon, Mr. Lasky.

It's very good of you to see us. Naturally, it's pretty important or we'd

dream of bothering you. What are you doing about getting Valentino out of

Nothing. But he's your biggest star.

$10 ,000 is chicken feed to the studio. You made a fortune out of him.

Why spend $10 ,000 to get him out when we're getting a million dollars worth of

free publicity with him on the inside?

How do I explain that to the stockholders?

That's inhuman.

It's strictly business.

The more the press knocks the boy, the bigger the box office.

Goodbye.

Goodbye, sir.

And thanks anyway.

You're welcome. I'm good.

He thinks more of that damn monkey than he does of Rudy.

Lousy ten grand.

Makes me want to spit. Have you tried Natasha's bath?

He's a big shot in the cosmetic business or something, isn't he? A big shot.

Richard Hodna June is the cosmetic business.

He sprang for Natasha, all right.

Bail for resisting arrest isn't a hell of a lot more than that guy's used to

dropping in a restaurant. But Rudy, he didn't want to know about it.

Damn it, I'd lay out the dough myself, but I'm between pictures. Well, I'm not

between pictures.

Call my lawyer just as soon as the bank's open tomorrow, George.

Hey, June, come on. You haven't got that kind of money.

I've got a few bucks tucked away. What do you think I'd spend it on?

Champagne baths and black silk formals. Just don't tell Rudy where it came from.

He'd never take it. Are you sure you won't change your mind and come along? I

know he'd appreciate it.

Just drop me off at the studio, George.

Well, it's a shame that he won't know that you're the one pal who pulled for

in a pinch. Oh, come on.

Cut the hearts and flowers, George.

He's my bread and butter.

They've got you in the tank.

Thank God it's you, George. I thought I would be here all night.

I'm sorry, Rudy.

Natasha's out for 500, but your 10 grand has been too much of a stickler.

What about Lasky? The studio? Well, what can I say? I guess they're scared of

public opinion. A charge of bigamy is a lot more serious than just biting a

policeman. But I am legally divorced.

Not in California, you're not. In California, it takes a year for a

become final.

That's why we got married in Mexico, where they don't have that law.

California where they do.

Okay, Natasha, come on. You're getting out of here, but Rudy has to wait for

banks to open.

Don't worry, Rudy.

My stepfather will stand for bail.

He owes it to you for taking me off his hands.

Please, Natasha, I'd rather you didn't. Look, Rudy, I... Don't worry about it,

okay? Worry?

Worry about what, George?

Nothing. Nothing. Okay, come on, Natasha. Let's get on.

Take this and remember this.

Where are we?

I promise you most secretly, my darling.

Yes, my love.

I'll get that little worm mask you've... this if it takes me the rest of my

life.

Chin up, Rudy.

Come the dawn, you'll be as free as a bird. Just keep holding it.

Lover boy, another nice strong mug of coffee.

Thanks, much obliged.

You're welcome.

I don't guess you was figuring on sleeping too much tonight anyways, huh?

I'm not a chan.

That's sound broad.

Too bad we couldn't have obliged for the honeymoon suite.

Would have been quite an education peeping through the bars with seeing

got there hanging between your legs.

The eighth wonder of the world, they say.

And I'll bet the blessing bride could have showed us a trick or two.

Now,

that's a naughty boy.

Gonna have to teach him a lesson.

Like, uh, taking away his toilet privileges.

It's a shame!

Because there was a little something in that coffee you've been drinking all

day. to make you want to piss all night. Hey, Willie! We've got the world's

greatest expert here tonight.

Why don't you ask him for a few pointers on split -tail anatomy?

Poor Willie! He's been inside so long, he's forgotten what it looks like.

You must have suffered. I moved heaven and earth to get you out of there. I was

just reading the judges' summing up.

Seems it was all a mistake anyway.

Mexican laws aren't recognized in the state of California.

So, the ceremony was null and void.

Neither was the marriage consummated.

So I read. The prison bars got in the way.

I'm truly sorry.

Now, that's all over forgotten.

Let's get down to it. Then we'll talk under the sheet.

And while you're at it, why not...

and son of the sheik. I'm happy to say that the board of directors have just

given the nod.

It's a little pet project, but it's been the works for some time now, Ruth.

Namely, originally yours truly.

We're not interested in a raise. We're interested in double our present salary.

It would be most appreciated if you could make yourself available for makeup

tests and costume fittings on Monday.

We're not interested in trying on any new turbans just now, thank you.

Nor are we interested in pictures which debase our talent. This we we insist

upon overusing, Miss Hudnut. This is editorial.

Or do we now think we're the Queen of Sheba?

From now on, I want script approval.

That's ridiculous, Rudy.

Nobody gets script approval.

Fairbanks and Pickford get script approval.

But they own their own studio. They are United Artists.

Artists. A bunch of phony curls and a muscle -bound mustache.

He's a bigger star than both of them. He, until a few short years ago, was a

-bit dancehall gigolo.

If it wasn't for me, you would be bankrupt.

I made you millions, and you offer me trash.

Unless you honor the period of my contract, I will be compelled to find

elsewhere. The only work you'll find, young man, is waiting on tables in some

spaghetti joint.

Your contract here is two more years to go. And if you so much as take a

pratfall and a Mexican two -reeler, I'm going to slap an injunction on your

little Italian ass.

Well, we could use the vacation.

Vacation, huh? Two years off the screen and he'll be dead and buried.

To my public, I will never die.

And when Valentino returns, he will not reward their loyalty with rubbish.

That moves the universe.

The song that wakes the day.

The wave that soothes the sand.

The giving hand.

The magic of a touch.

The peace of afterglow.

The mystery of night.

The promise of delight.

You make me smell like a shopping list.

The thrill of surrender.

The fount of all pleasure.

The power of religion.

My meaning for existence.

My vision of heaven.

My life eternal.

My love.

My friend.

You're a doggerel, darling.

But I like the sentiment.

Then you must help me.

Turn it into poetry.

We'll work on it after lunch.

I think we'll have to set another place.

I think it's even newspaper man.

Do you think we ought to make a run for it?

There's nowhere left to run to.

Good morning.

George Allman.

I represent Mineral Lava Toiletry.

Well, we haven't got a cent between us.

I hope you've got some free samples.

Oh, you betcha.

Although, I don't think your lady here is in need of them, Mr.

Valentino. Natasha, a fan.

Oh, yes, sir.

I've seen all your films.

Four Horsemen, Rotten Sand, The Sheik.

Of course, I haven't seen one in quite a while.

In a long while.

Over a year now.

And we've never been happier in our lives.

Gruzo and Robinson.

Our own island.

Who needs Man Friday?

No one. Who would settle for sand and seaweed soup.

I know about you losing your suit, but Lasky, I also know you owe your lawyers

$50 ,000.

Money which you could very well use right now. But I guess that's beside the

point. The president said that you're washed up.

But I think differently. My card.

Mineral of a toiletries. He's not kidding.

Oh, no, ma 'am.

We have the largest range of ladies' aids, of beauty clays, the continental U

.S. Save, of course, for Richard Hudnutt Cosmetics, Miss Hudnutt. I am not Miss

Hudnutt. I'm Natasha Rambova.

And soon, she will be Mrs.

Valentino. Again.

Beg your pardon.

All the same, Miss Rambova, I don't think your father would like you even

looking at that card, much less even... There's one thing you should learn about

me right now.

My stepfather's opinion is of little consequence to me, Mr. Holmes.

Good.

Does that mean, then, that you overreject my proposition on those

Just what is your proposition?

Undertaking a tour? The stages of America.

Mr. and Mrs. Rudolph Valentino. An exercise, an interpretive dance, with a

kind words thrown in for the product as a finale.

Vaudeville? You must be out of your mind.

She must have been talking to the people over at Mineral Lava, because that's

exactly what they said.

Stick to booking dog acts in Vaudeville.

Do you expect me to appear in Vaudeville?

with Vladimir Kozlov, then before the crown, heads of Europe?

Anna Pavlova did.

Pavlova, huh.

We're artists, not acrobats.

You're also broke.

Look, I don't want to spend the rest of my life in the perfume business any more

than you want to spend yours here on the rock.

I'd like to take you over, manage you. To prove my potential, I've already

convinced Mineral Lava to cough up $7 ,500 a week. Now that's more than you

made in movies.

Total artistic control.

Took the words right out of my mouth.

Thirsty?

What about Lasky's injunction?

I can't perform for anyone but him.

That injunction only covers acting.

Not a word in there about dancing.

Are you positive?

My lawyers checked it out. Are you thirsty?

Natasha, what do you think?

I just don't know, Rudolph.

What are you doing now?

I'm starting our present business.

What did he say?

The zealot, he says he's thirsty.

Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Just one moment, please.

On behalf of my wife, Natasha.

One moment.

On behalf

of my wife, Natasha.

and myself, I would like to thank you for the great ovation.

In the 53 cities we have so far visited on our tour, this is the warmest

reception we have ever received.

I would also like to thank the makers of Mineralava, who made possible our

appearance here tonight.

I'm talking about appearances.

My wife holds her lovely complexion solely to mineral lava beauty clay.

Nature's answer to old skin problems.

I prefer mineral lava to all other beauty products, including daddy's.

Typical. Always biting the hand that's better.

Excuse me, sir, but you have to keep your remarks to yourself or else leave

theater.

Laskin?

I didn't recognize you. No reason why you should, old man.

We've never met.

I want you to break his contract with Mineral Alpha.

You will be the loser by it.

I'll pretend you didn't say that, okay?

What's wrong? You represent him now, don't you?

I was referring to your agent's fee.

Well, you know his terms.

As you mean.

$10 ,000 a week, his own chauffeur -driven limousine, and he'll even throw

bungalow on the lot.

Gee, that even sounds reasonable.

But the final decision doesn't rest with me. You mean Mrs.

Valentino. That's why I'm giving them script approval and putting her on the

payroll as autistic advisor.

Well, there's someone else to consult.

What? Whoever it is, let me talk to him and fast.

Mr. Raffi, I don't think you'd want to do that. What are you talking about? Why

wouldn't I want to do that?

You see, he's been dead 4 ,000 years.

Oh, the goddamn bones.

Remember, darling...

Get you from the Bronx. You're a countess.

Swoon, Lorna, swoon.

More restraints, Rudy.

More restraints. Run your hands through his hair.

Don't mutt his hair.

Flutter your eyelids.

Just a flicker of a smile, darling.

Roll your eyes.

That's it, Rudy. No. More.

Start closing your eyes. Start opening your eyes.

Die of love. Look at her cynically.

Die of ecstasy. More cynically.

More still.

Are you ready for it?

Stand by now.

Stand by.

Kiss.

You think she tells him what to do in bed?

Do you think we could say...

He's yellow.

Whoever he is, I'll fight him here and now. Lorna's right. He's yellow. He's

worth bothering about.

Let's get back to work.

There will be no more shooting on Valentino unless the culprit owns up.

What's going on now, Natasha?

Another makeup problem?

Someone dropped this on Rudy from the rails.

A pink powder puff.

Who would do a thing like that?

Unless the guilty person or persons responsible for the...

thoughtless act owns up.

There will be no more shooting on Valentino today.

Nobody's going to own up because nobody wants to get fired.

Hey, Jesse, if you ask me, that sounds like victimization.

If you want to be fair about this thing, fire everybody.

I don't want anybody fired. I just want to fight them.

I give my solemn promise that if the person or persons responsible for this

thoughtless act, steps forward here and now and apologizes, the apology will be

accepted and no further action taken.

Natasha, I must go back in there.

That'll look funny. You just walked out.

Because I love you.

They're tearing us apart.

Why? Can't it be like it was before?

It will be.

It will be.

After this one, we can say goodbye to Lasky Parade.

United Art.

George just fixed the deal. He's coming over to the house this afternoon with

the contracts.

Well, that's what you always wanted.

Oh, darling, all I've ever wanted is to work beyond the reach of every hampus

with the key to the screening room.

I'll be the production designer, the writer, the director.

You'll play the part of your life.

The dark -skinned moor, the bearded, sort of intellectual Othello.

The Falcon will be the perfect film because it'll be the work of one person.

Us.

That's wonderful, dear.

But now I must go back inside there.

Or forever lose my self -respect.

Self -respect?

I'd call it vanity.

But if you really want to win the respect of the crew, you better screw

little whore Lorna.

And make sure everybody knows about it.

Hey, stop back here, you!

What's she like?

I've never met her.

Oh, yeah?

Honestly, I'm truly... Like you truly wanted to rehearse the love scene in the

lunch break?

Oh, I never dreamed that this could happen.

I mean, with all the women that you must have. Not to mention your wife, I mean.

You know, I'm not going to accept another date all week. Just so I can lie

bed and remember this.

All the others will just be...

memory. I just won't be able to stop thinking about this moment.

Confess. Have there been many others, Lorna?

They don't count.

I often dream of you when I'm with another man.

Doesn't bother you, does it?

The other men, I mean.

Oh, women are meant to be loved, Lorna.

You've just been getting too much. All those starlets and God knows how many

fans. Not to mention your wife.

Hurt me.

Don't be gentle.

Imagine you're the sheik on your big white stallion crushing the life out of

in your arms.

Don't be gentle.

Hurt me.

Do something.

Look. Look.

Look. It's the desert.

Close your eyes.

Trust me, honey. I've been over this a thousand times.

It's the desert.

Merciless, beating sun.

Heat waves shimmying from the purple dune.

My lip is rimmed with sweat.

Perspiration, excuse me. You're welcome. The clothes are sticking to the

contours of my damp body.

You come riding up.

You reach down.

We're going to be late for work.

Well, Sidney.

Well, Rudy.

Let's go.

Are we waiting on Mrs.

Valentino? No.

Let's go.

That's great. We can pick it up from where we left off.

You hear a noise behind the door, and you give it. No.

Let's do the laugh scene all over again.

Party mechanical.

And I think Lorna and I can improve on it now.

We sure could, lover.

Maestro, make with the music.

What's the matter?

It's not a war, is it?

The U .A. contract.

George is spelling out the small French.

That's a very good deal, Rudy. It's a half a million dollars a year.

And I'm not even allowed past the studio gates.

The bastards.

Natasha, for God's sakes.

They're merely saying that your presence won't be required during any stage of

the production. That's all. That's impossible.

Damn it, Rudy.

Now, Huey is adamant.

We don't need United Artists. We don't need anyone.

We'll make the Falcon ourselves.

Without his help, they are a bastard.

Well, if you were to mortgage this house, these art treasures, your cars...

She wanted a cause, giving her the right to play the female lead, even direct.

We were doing fine until she started hauling for the moon.

It's killing me. You know that, don't you?

After Boquer, there's nothing to keep us here.

A jug of wine, a book of verse, and thou beside me in the wilderness.

I'm too old for beachcombing.

Beach? You can't grow anything on a beach.

What do you mean?

I've still got my diploma of agriculture.

What's to stop us getting that orange grove?

Produce the Valentino seedless navel together.

I would hope that destiny had promised us a richer fate than that.

But... we shall see.

Penelope, what is our destiny to be?

Are we to seek new horizons for our...

To continue working together?

We're to stay in films, but work separately?

Yes?

Who cares what Miss Elfie says?

We'll do it together, just like before.

No, I could make a film.

Fine, fine.

I'll arrange anything you need.

I just want us to be together.

It'll be all right.

We'll be together.

Just as soon as that thing you are is gone, then we'll be together forever.

But we are together now.

Other lips await you in your young life.

Lips you loved touching you before.

Lips you would listen to when they warned you all this would happen.

Perhaps that is true.

I only know there will never be another Valentino. No, no.

There will never be one even remotely like him.

He was a god.

Those who buried Caesar have now come to praise him.

If only you'd told me how sick he was.

Why didn't you tell me?

What could you have done?

He wouldn't listen to me.

He wouldn't listen to his doctor.

Have you ever tried to stop a man from committing suicide?

He wasn't committing suicide, George. He was fighting for his life.

For Christ's sakes, June.

It was a crazy dream.

Very moving performance.

You are terrible.

I feel sorry for her.

Well, palsy, don't worry about it. Like they say in the sticks, if it's good

enough for the hicks, it ain't for the slicks.

I'll find a taxi.

Hey, George.

Yeah. I would like to walk.

Well, I prefer that you got to bed early so that you're well rested for that

premiere tomorrow, Rudy.

Every newsman this side of Kansas City is going to be there.

News.

Playing son of the sheik.

Is that news?

Well, it's good publicity for the picture.

Oh, it will go all right.

Yeah, but a personal appearance once in a while doesn't hurt anyone, you know.

Have you got the reservation for the sleeping car?

Yes, don't worry. We leave for Hollywood and it's super cheap right after the

reception tomorrow night.

I'm just as anxious to get back as you are.

But not for the same reason.

No, and that's why it's more important that you see your doctor instead of

Natasha. She's not there anyway.

And after the way she dressed that stupid actor up to look like you and

crucified you, no way is she going to be there.

This time you are wrong, George.

I'm not going back to Natasha.

I'm going to buy my orange grove at last.

Oh, yeah?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, hi.

Oh, Christ.

Want to have a good time?

Which one?

Oh, I can handle two at once.

I got the socket.

You got the plug.

I envy you, madam.

I myself don't seem capable of sustaining even one effort for very

What's the matter, baby? Got the blues?

Mama knows a pretty swank's feet just around the corner. George, I want a

Rudy, the only spigot you're supposed to be tapping is attached to a cow.

Who are you, his wet nurse or something?

Hi, boss.

Got a couple of rich relatives I'm out of town.

Well, that'll be $25.

We're just in time for the show.

Hi, girl!

and turn it into a tune.

You should have seen what they did with that monkey. What does she mean about

the paper, George?

It was nothing, Rudy. An editorial.

Some small -time hack trying to make a name for himself doing a hatchet job for

the Herald. Nobody ever pays any attention to that.

Don't worry about it, huh?

They're disinfecting something like that.

Guy's not worth a second thought. Forget him.

I see you.

I shall make him into work.

I'll challenge him. For Christ's sake, we don't fight duels in America.

I don't intend to fight a duel.

I'll meet him in a ring.

That's ridiculous. You're in no condition to fight.

Ridiculous? I tell you what is ridiculous, George.

That I should be born into such a time when a machine is invented that can turn

a man who wants only to be a farmer...

into some kind of a god.

That people can stand in line for hours to sit in some dark room to see me

flickering past their eyes.

They fall in love.

They destroy your marriage.

They tear to shreds.

Or else ask, why was it quietly drowned?

Millions of people who never met me, never heard me speak.

That's what is ridiculous.

Okie dokie.

I'll cancel the reservations.

upon my Italian ancestors.

You cast doubt upon my manhood.

I call you in return a contemptible cow and challenge you to meet me in a boxing

arena to prove, in typically American fashion, for I am an American,

which of us is a better man?

Hoping to have an opportunity to demonstrate to you that my wrist under a

bracelet

may snap a real fist into your sagging jaw.

I remain, without a contempt, Rudolph Valentino.

Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen. The exhibition is now over.

you.

clean living, red -blooded Americans.

which his health is not... Hold it!

I apologize.

This is the wrong time and place.

Get your hands off me!

I don't need any help from your kind.

I'll see you in the ring.

And God help you!

Well,

you've done it now, Slaughter. You just challenged the ex -heavyweight champion

of the Navy.

Damn it, Rudy, we've been set up. We're the victims of a cheap publicity stunt

by the news.

Now let's call the whole thing off. That's just what they want.

Valentino Dark's fight.

Can't you see the headlines?

each other.

This is none of your business.

I had no intention of making more pictures anyway.

After this I'm going back to California.

If you do, you are through. If I don't, you're through.

Now use your right. Set him up with your left and then give him the right.

I didn't know you were a boxing fan, June.

I just heard about it on the radio.

On the radio, for Christ's sake. Rudy, don't you see what a farce it is?

You've got the wrong script, June Matthews.

This is a matter of honor.

I think you're doing swell, champ.

Give him hell.

Thank you, madam.

It is nice to have someone in my corner rooting for me.

What pleasure is this, Dad?

Let me...

Let

me call it off.

You can do it, champ.

You want to give up, pretty boy, before I mush your hair.

to complete your dunk.

vindicated his honor and his manhood

Oh,

Thank you.