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00:00:02,920 --> 00:00:04,080
This was a mistake!
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00:00:04,120 --> 00:00:05,600
Shut up. Pardon?
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00:00:05,640 --> 00:00:07,040
SHE HONKS HORN
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00:00:07,080 --> 00:00:10,240
This programme contains swearing.
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Ooh!
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00:00:13,080 --> 00:00:14,280
DUCKS QUACK
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You're mad.
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Wow.
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SHE CHUCKLES
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Ooh.
HORN PARPS
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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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00:00:34,400 --> 00:00:38,920
Hello, welcome to Taskmaster,
or as they call it in Wales...
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WELSH ACCENT: All right, boys,
how's it going?
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00:00:40,520 --> 00:00:42,760
Oh, it's cold at the moment, innit?
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Oh, I'll have to wear my big coat.
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Fair play. It is cold, mind, innit?
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Eh, do you know my brother?
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He looks like my brother,
he does.
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00:00:51,840 --> 00:00:54,920
The competition is really hurtling
towards a conclusion,
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00:00:54,960 --> 00:00:58,000
so please welcome the warriors
holding on for dear life.
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00:00:58,040 --> 00:01:01,600
They are Fatiha El-Ghorri!
CHEERING
22
00:01:01,640 --> 00:01:04,080
Jason Mantzoukas!
CHEERING
23
00:01:04,120 --> 00:01:06,880
Mathew Baynton!
CHEERING
24
00:01:06,920 --> 00:01:09,640
Rosie Ramsey!
CHEERING
25
00:01:09,680 --> 00:01:12,480
And Stevie Martin!
CHEERING
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00:01:14,320 --> 00:01:18,200
And next to me, a man who says that
women should be like
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00:01:18,240 --> 00:01:20,680
the landmark Shard building
in London -
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they should look attractive,
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remain silent and have
a glass ceiling firmly in place.
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LAUGHTER
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ROSIE: Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh!
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Oh-oh-oh-oh!
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Don't shoot the messenger.
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Shoot little Alex Horne!
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CHEERING
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00:01:37,320 --> 00:01:39,560
Just an opinion. Hello, Greg.
Hello, mate.
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00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:40,760
Hello. You all right?
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I've just got to do some admin
before we start. I'm so sorry.
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00:01:42,960 --> 00:01:45,120
Mm-hm. But today,
for the viewers at home,
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00:01:45,160 --> 00:01:47,800
and people watching it on
the big screen in Trafalgar Square,
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00:01:47,840 --> 00:01:49,880
here is your bingo code,
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00:01:49,920 --> 00:01:51,760
so just scan that now.
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00:01:51,800 --> 00:01:53,480
One of you could be a lucky winner.
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00:01:53,520 --> 00:01:58,560
And Greg, if you wouldn't mind,
just do a quick selfie.
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Is that all right?
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It's just my...one of my mum's
friends really fancies you, so...
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LAUGHTER
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One of your mum's friends?
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Just smile.
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Actually, it's a video, actually.
It's for Jennifer, really.
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Hello, Jennifer. Lovely, yeah.
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I understand you fancy me.
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00:02:18,360 --> 00:02:19,960
Well, strap yourself in.
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00:02:21,720 --> 00:02:23,880
Thanks, Greg.
She'll love that, honestly. Right.
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Let's have a prize task category
please, Alex. You sure can, Greg.
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This time you've asked them
to bring in
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the best object that
you've borrowed from
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a fairly close friend. Hmm.
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It's down to you to judge
the best borrowed object
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00:02:35,520 --> 00:02:37,120
and the winner of
the whole episode will sort of
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00:02:37,160 --> 00:02:38,760
own five things that
actually belong
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to other people that are sort
of friends of the cast. Done.
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00:02:42,080 --> 00:02:43,520
Stevie, what have you borrowed?
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00:02:43,560 --> 00:02:45,680
So, I went to a wedding,
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00:02:45,720 --> 00:02:49,080
and it was one of my very,
very close friends
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00:02:49,120 --> 00:02:50,600
and she really
likes Lord Of The Rings
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00:02:50,640 --> 00:02:52,080
but her partner doesn't.
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00:02:52,120 --> 00:02:56,040
And so as a compromise, she put,
like, a secret bit on her website
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00:02:56,080 --> 00:02:57,920
and it said if you wanted
to get dressed up
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00:02:57,960 --> 00:03:01,440
as a Lord Of The Rings character
for the party bit then you could.
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00:03:01,480 --> 00:03:04,560
So I borrowed loads of things,
one of which was this sword.
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A foam sword. Here it is.
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Four people in the entire wedding
had just put some little cloaks on
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00:03:10,320 --> 00:03:15,080
and I went as the Witch-king of
Angmar, the Lord of the Nazgul.
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LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
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00:03:18,480 --> 00:03:20,720
Is that the bride there, Stevie?
That's the bride. That's Tessa.
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I mean, I looked at that
and I thought,
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00:03:22,080 --> 00:03:24,360
"God, you look different
without make-up on."
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LAUGHTER
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00:03:25,720 --> 00:03:27,520
And then I realised you were
the Witch-king of Angmar.
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00:03:27,560 --> 00:03:29,480
I'm the Witch-king of Angmar.
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00:03:29,520 --> 00:03:33,200
Well done. This might
be your best thing so far. Yes!
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Three points.
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LAUGHTER
85
00:03:36,280 --> 00:03:38,520
Oh, I don't see it going past
three, for sure.
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00:03:40,320 --> 00:03:41,440
Mathew?
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00:03:41,480 --> 00:03:46,520
Well, for me it was a case of
Jim Howick's two-man kayak.
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00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:47,920
And here it is.
89
00:03:49,440 --> 00:03:51,240
So, I remembered he had this
90
00:03:51,280 --> 00:03:54,880
and I thought that would be
a pretty significant thing
91
00:03:54,920 --> 00:03:57,000
to have borrowed from
a fairly close friend. Yeah.
92
00:03:57,040 --> 00:04:02,040
So I managed to persuade him that
I needed to borrow it
93
00:04:02,080 --> 00:04:04,320
to let my kids go kayaking.
94
00:04:04,360 --> 00:04:07,000
Why didn't you just tell him you
were borrowing it for this?
95
00:04:07,040 --> 00:04:09,040
But why did you have
to tell this ridiculous lie?
96
00:04:09,080 --> 00:04:10,200
Was that an option?
97
00:04:10,240 --> 00:04:13,240
LAUGHTER
98
00:04:13,280 --> 00:04:14,360
That wouldn't be funny.
99
00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:18,200
How would that be funny?
100
00:04:18,240 --> 00:04:20,840
Fatiha, can you beat a kayak?
Yeah, I can.
101
00:04:20,880 --> 00:04:22,520
You know when you're struggling
in life,
102
00:04:22,560 --> 00:04:24,200
yeah, and things are hard?
103
00:04:24,240 --> 00:04:25,520
And then everything,
104
00:04:25,560 --> 00:04:27,800
every part of your life starts
to suffer.
105
00:04:27,840 --> 00:04:30,400
So there was a point in my life
where I was struggling,
106
00:04:30,440 --> 00:04:31,680
with faith particularly,
107
00:04:31,720 --> 00:04:35,000
and then there was
a girl that I was working with
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00:04:35,040 --> 00:04:37,240
and she gave me a prayer mat.
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00:04:37,280 --> 00:04:39,320
And here it is on Taskmaster.
There it is. Aw.
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00:04:39,360 --> 00:04:41,840
That's nice. And every time
I struggle in something,
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I always look at this
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00:04:42,920 --> 00:04:45,760
and remember, like, the hope at
the end of it.
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00:04:45,800 --> 00:04:47,800
So I'm grateful and, yeah,
that's...
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00:04:47,840 --> 00:04:50,480
That was it and good luck
making that funny.
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00:04:50,520 --> 00:04:52,560
LAUGHTER
116
00:04:52,600 --> 00:04:55,120
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
117
00:04:55,160 --> 00:04:56,520
There are not many people,
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00:04:56,560 --> 00:05:01,000
I would argue, on television
globally in my position
119
00:05:01,040 --> 00:05:07,200
who would have the sheer audacity
to put a rubber sword above
120
00:05:07,240 --> 00:05:08,920
an Islamic prayer mat.
121
00:05:08,960 --> 00:05:11,280
LAUGHTER
122
00:05:12,640 --> 00:05:14,840
I've got to say, it feels like quite
the test.
123
00:05:16,280 --> 00:05:20,480
It's a really lovely story
and a lovely object. Rosie?
124
00:05:21,560 --> 00:05:23,600
So I... It's lovely, really lovely.
125
00:05:23,640 --> 00:05:27,000
And I'm so glad it brings you
so much joy.
126
00:05:27,040 --> 00:05:30,000
I've brought in
a pelvic floor exerciser.
127
00:05:30,040 --> 00:05:32,520
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
128
00:05:40,040 --> 00:05:42,080
Sorry, somebody wants that back?
129
00:05:44,120 --> 00:05:46,560
You borrowed it?
130
00:05:46,600 --> 00:05:49,160
Yes. I did, yeah.
Who'd you borrow it from?
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00:05:49,200 --> 00:05:50,760
My fairly close sister.
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00:05:52,240 --> 00:05:54,040
Could've lied.
She's being honest, which is good.
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00:05:54,080 --> 00:05:56,520
I know, yeah, no, but I...
We've got the same juice.
134
00:05:56,560 --> 00:05:58,600
AUDIENCE GROAN
135
00:05:58,640 --> 00:06:00,000
ALEX COUGHS
136
00:06:00,040 --> 00:06:01,280
Bleurgh!
137
00:06:02,480 --> 00:06:04,960
Everyone's got their hands
on their face. Everyone.
138
00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:07,880
Like, I washed it
and that, obviously. Obviously!
139
00:06:07,920 --> 00:06:10,400
Shall we pop back to
the prayer mat for a bit?
140
00:06:12,200 --> 00:06:14,760
One more, there's one more.
Oh, God. This is awful.
141
00:06:15,800 --> 00:06:17,640
I dread to think what
you've brought in.
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00:06:17,680 --> 00:06:20,000
So, the best thing to borrow from
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00:06:20,040 --> 00:06:22,400
a close friend,
or a semi-close friend... Mm-hm.
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00:06:22,440 --> 00:06:24,200
..is, for me,
145
00:06:24,240 --> 00:06:28,880
a prize that has previously been
awarded five points in
146
00:06:28,920 --> 00:06:30,760
the prize task category.
147
00:06:30,800 --> 00:06:33,040
Let's see it. That's nice.
148
00:06:33,080 --> 00:06:35,960
He borrowed this from Fatiha.
149
00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:37,440
You wanker!
150
00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:39,960
LAUGHTER
151
00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:44,440
This is the Taskmaster pop-up book
that Mathew brought
152
00:06:44,480 --> 00:06:46,320
and Fatiha won.
153
00:06:46,360 --> 00:06:49,120
And I asked to look at it
and she said,
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00:06:49,160 --> 00:06:51,280
"Yeah, go ahead, borrow it.
Take it as long as you want."
155
00:06:51,320 --> 00:06:53,800
This was 45 minutes ago. Yeah.
156
00:06:53,840 --> 00:06:56,200
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
157
00:06:56,240 --> 00:06:57,960
So... And you gave it five points
last time,
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00:06:58,000 --> 00:06:59,800
so give me them points, baby.
159
00:07:01,320 --> 00:07:04,520
OK, that's everything.
I don't know... No.
160
00:07:04,560 --> 00:07:08,880
..whether you should be borrowing
a device for your vagina.
161
00:07:08,920 --> 00:07:11,320
LAUGHTER
162
00:07:11,360 --> 00:07:14,000
So? So, one point.
One point to Rosie.
163
00:07:14,040 --> 00:07:15,880
Two points for Mathew's thing.
164
00:07:15,920 --> 00:07:16,960
Two to the kayak, got it.
165
00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:18,440
Kayaks are boring.
166
00:07:18,480 --> 00:07:22,120
We'll give three points to Jason.
How dare you!
167
00:07:22,160 --> 00:07:26,200
Stevie wouldn't be getting
four points just for the sword
168
00:07:26,240 --> 00:07:30,000
if I hadn't seen that picture of
her in that outfit next to a bride.
169
00:07:30,040 --> 00:07:31,840
And five points for Fatiha,
170
00:07:31,880 --> 00:07:35,360
because, you know, of course it was
a genuinely touching story
171
00:07:35,400 --> 00:07:36,880
and I'm thrilled that
it's so important to you.
172
00:07:36,920 --> 00:07:38,840
Five points to Fatiha El-Ghorri.
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00:07:38,880 --> 00:07:41,240
CHEERING
174
00:07:43,160 --> 00:07:45,680
Let's start the tasks proper.
175
00:07:45,720 --> 00:07:47,680
Yes, and we're gonna see them doing
their best
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00:07:47,720 --> 00:07:50,000
to impress in the garden,
first of all.
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00:08:02,920 --> 00:08:04,240
Hello.
178
00:08:04,280 --> 00:08:05,320
Hi, Alex.
179
00:08:05,360 --> 00:08:07,640
Hi, Jason. Hello, Alex.
Lovely to see you.
180
00:08:07,680 --> 00:08:09,720
Lovely to see you.
We were just speaking inside.
181
00:08:09,760 --> 00:08:12,400
Hello.
What's cooking, good-looking?
182
00:08:12,440 --> 00:08:14,080
Oh, really?
183
00:08:14,120 --> 00:08:17,120
I went on a school trip bowling
and it went really badly.
184
00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:23,680
"Knock over all ten skittles
in ten minutes."
185
00:08:23,720 --> 00:08:25,240
In America, Skittles are a candy.
186
00:08:25,280 --> 00:08:26,560
Ah, what are these?
187
00:08:27,600 --> 00:08:29,200
Bowling pins.
188
00:08:29,240 --> 00:08:33,200
"The final skittle should fall
exactly when the whistle sounds."
189
00:08:33,240 --> 00:08:39,440
"If any skittle is left standing
after ten minutes, you have
failed."
190
00:08:39,480 --> 00:08:42,680
"You must stay behind
the rope at all times."
191
00:08:42,720 --> 00:08:45,040
"Closest to ten minutes wins."
192
00:08:45,080 --> 00:08:47,040
"Your time starts..."
193
00:08:47,080 --> 00:08:48,200
"Now."
194
00:08:48,240 --> 00:08:49,720
I... I mean, it's pointless asking.
195
00:08:49,760 --> 00:08:51,600
There's not a bowling ball that
you've got there, is there?
196
00:08:51,640 --> 00:08:53,320
You can do whatever you want
behind that rope.
197
00:08:58,080 --> 00:09:00,880
APPLAUSE
198
00:09:00,920 --> 00:09:04,440
You alluded to a terrible bowling
trip there. Yes.
199
00:09:04,480 --> 00:09:07,120
Do you want to talk about it?
Not really.
200
00:09:07,160 --> 00:09:10,440
I got bullied at school
and that's where it started, so...
201
00:09:13,080 --> 00:09:14,960
You asked. It's not funny.
202
00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:16,160
Put the prayer mat up.
203
00:09:16,200 --> 00:09:17,800
LAUGHTER
204
00:09:17,840 --> 00:09:19,480
Come on. Let's bounce.
205
00:09:19,520 --> 00:09:21,120
Let's bounce. OK, well, first up -
206
00:09:21,160 --> 00:09:23,240
and I hope they do really,
really well at this one -
207
00:09:23,280 --> 00:09:25,960
it's Jason,
Mat and Stevie's attempts.
208
00:09:27,080 --> 00:09:31,480
I'm gonna smash this, because
I went on a bowling trip
209
00:09:31,520 --> 00:09:33,920
with school and came last,
210
00:09:33,960 --> 00:09:36,120
and it was the pinnacle of
211
00:09:36,160 --> 00:09:38,040
the bullying experience,
212
00:09:38,080 --> 00:09:40,200
and I...no-one sat with me
on the bus home.
213
00:09:40,240 --> 00:09:41,440
So sorry to trigger you.
214
00:09:41,480 --> 00:09:43,680
So I just need to clear them all
but one for now.
215
00:09:45,720 --> 00:09:47,000
That won't do it.
216
00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:55,280
Pretty great, right?
217
00:09:55,320 --> 00:09:57,080
Pretty good. You want the last one
going down
218
00:09:57,120 --> 00:09:58,480
in nine minutes' time.
219
00:10:02,400 --> 00:10:03,840
Three.
220
00:10:03,880 --> 00:10:05,040
Sorry about the pot.
221
00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:08,400
Not bad, OK.
222
00:10:13,520 --> 00:10:15,840
I care nothing for your cameras!
223
00:10:18,600 --> 00:10:19,880
Yeah, you've done one.
224
00:10:19,920 --> 00:10:20,960
Look out.
225
00:10:24,280 --> 00:10:25,600
Yes!
226
00:10:36,200 --> 00:10:37,800
Ugh!
227
00:10:37,840 --> 00:10:39,040
No.
228
00:10:42,440 --> 00:10:44,040
One minute, five.
229
00:10:45,560 --> 00:10:46,560
Ooh!
230
00:10:46,600 --> 00:10:47,880
Watch out.
231
00:10:51,200 --> 00:10:52,640
STEVIE: Yes!
232
00:10:52,680 --> 00:10:53,960
JASON: What's the time?
233
00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:55,200
50 seconds. OK.
234
00:10:57,640 --> 00:10:59,520
Ngh! Ngh!
235
00:10:59,560 --> 00:11:00,960
Ngh!
236
00:11:02,320 --> 00:11:03,360
Ngh!
237
00:11:05,840 --> 00:11:07,120
Are you OK?
238
00:11:08,560 --> 00:11:10,160
I think I'm over the line.
239
00:11:11,480 --> 00:11:13,160
12 seconds left.
Three skittles still.
240
00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:15,960
They need to all go down in the
next... Can you pass me the brick?
241
00:11:18,400 --> 00:11:19,800
Oh, yes!
242
00:11:19,840 --> 00:11:21,360
You've got four seconds.
Another brick!
243
00:11:23,440 --> 00:11:25,320
WHISTLE BLOWS
244
00:11:28,800 --> 00:11:31,080
Five, four...
My hands are shaking!
245
00:11:31,120 --> 00:11:32,400
No, come on.
246
00:11:32,440 --> 00:11:33,880
One.
247
00:11:33,920 --> 00:11:35,680
WHISTLE BLOWS
248
00:11:37,160 --> 00:11:39,040
I mean, that was...
249
00:11:39,080 --> 00:11:40,440
Hmm.
250
00:11:40,480 --> 00:11:42,040
I'm really sorry,
I'm just a bit upset.
251
00:11:42,080 --> 00:11:43,440
I'm really sorry,
I'm really sorry.
252
00:11:43,480 --> 00:11:46,160
I'm sorry, this is so stupid.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Stevie?
253
00:11:46,200 --> 00:11:48,120
There must have been
an easier way, Mathew.
254
00:11:59,480 --> 00:12:01,160
Stupid! Jason?
255
00:12:02,400 --> 00:12:04,960
APPLAUSE
256
00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:08,200
What the hell is going on?
257
00:12:09,320 --> 00:12:11,600
It's not a real episode,
it's just been...
258
00:12:12,720 --> 00:12:13,920
..rubbish.
259
00:12:13,960 --> 00:12:18,040
Rubbish, rubbish all round.
What's next?
260
00:12:18,080 --> 00:12:19,800
OK. It was a shame.
261
00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:22,640
Well, next up I'm just gonna shut up
and press play.
262
00:12:27,200 --> 00:12:28,400
REVERSED SPEECH
263
00:12:31,200 --> 00:12:32,400
Shall we? Yes.
264
00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:35,800
Fail the next task in
265
00:12:35,840 --> 00:12:38,960
the most heartbreakingly
spectacular way.
266
00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:40,680
I'm really sorry. Stevie? I'm
sorry.
267
00:12:40,720 --> 00:12:43,360
I'm sorry, this is so stupid.
I'm sorry. Um, Stevie?
268
00:12:43,400 --> 00:12:48,400
If you succeed in the next task
you will lose one point.
269
00:12:48,440 --> 00:12:49,440
So, the next task...
270
00:12:49,480 --> 00:12:51,000
Yeah. ..are you gonna succeed?
271
00:12:52,440 --> 00:12:53,480
Yeah.
272
00:12:53,520 --> 00:12:54,800
How? By failing.
273
00:12:54,840 --> 00:12:55,880
Good.
274
00:12:55,920 --> 00:12:57,760
Ngh!
275
00:12:57,800 --> 00:13:00,800
So, after this, you're gonna go out
there, turn left and do a task.
276
00:13:00,840 --> 00:13:02,480
How long? Two seconds.
277
00:13:02,520 --> 00:13:04,320
You need to fail that task.
278
00:13:04,360 --> 00:13:06,440
WHISTLE BLOWS
If you succeed in
279
00:13:06,480 --> 00:13:09,600
the next task you will lose
one point.
280
00:13:10,720 --> 00:13:12,120
Huh?
281
00:13:12,160 --> 00:13:14,280
Let's do it, come on.
Where are we going?
282
00:13:14,320 --> 00:13:15,600
We're going out there.
283
00:13:18,920 --> 00:13:21,120
Hi, Jason. Hello, Alex.
Lovely to see you.
284
00:13:21,160 --> 00:13:23,200
Lovely to see you.
We were just speaking inside.
285
00:13:23,240 --> 00:13:24,920
Were we?
286
00:13:24,960 --> 00:13:27,520
Yeah, just like mere moments ago.
287
00:13:28,680 --> 00:13:31,280
APPLAUSE
288
00:13:31,320 --> 00:13:34,560
Well, thank God.
LAUGHTER
289
00:13:34,600 --> 00:13:36,160
So that means that was
a fake fall you did?
290
00:13:36,200 --> 00:13:38,080
A planned fall. It was real.
291
00:13:38,120 --> 00:13:41,160
Let me be clear, I fell hard.
292
00:13:42,440 --> 00:13:43,680
Really good.
293
00:13:43,720 --> 00:13:48,240
Jason also chose violence for
the 12th time in the series so far.
294
00:13:48,280 --> 00:13:50,080
Violence against myself.
295
00:13:50,120 --> 00:13:52,080
And the cameramen when you threw
a croquet mallet. Oh, yeah.
296
00:13:52,120 --> 00:13:53,960
I don't think of them as people.
OK.
297
00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:56,240
LAUGHTER
298
00:13:57,640 --> 00:14:00,160
Oh, I'd love it if you were
out of focus for the rest of
299
00:14:00,200 --> 00:14:01,960
the episode.
300
00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:04,760
APPLAUSE
301
00:14:04,800 --> 00:14:08,480
Mathew, I genuinely thought that was
your actual attempt.
302
00:14:08,520 --> 00:14:10,360
Because you've been so close
303
00:14:10,400 --> 00:14:13,080
to some sort of collapse mentally,
so I thought,
304
00:14:13,120 --> 00:14:15,440
"Yeah, I mean he's nearly
there now." Yeah.
305
00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:18,600
Oh, God. Thank God.
It was quite harrowing.
306
00:14:18,640 --> 00:14:20,520
Guess how I felt!
307
00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:23,040
I felt very hot and sweaty
and embarrassed watching that.
308
00:14:23,080 --> 00:14:24,200
Was it a total lie?
309
00:14:24,240 --> 00:14:26,520
I got bullied but not that badly
and not at bowling.
310
00:14:26,560 --> 00:14:28,960
LAUGHTER
311
00:14:30,080 --> 00:14:32,080
Wow. Right, so they all did well,
really, so far.
312
00:14:32,120 --> 00:14:34,040
Well, it's the most
heartbreakingly spectacular
313
00:14:34,080 --> 00:14:35,640
and they all came down right to
the end,
314
00:14:35,680 --> 00:14:38,600
so these two missed
the final one in the last second
315
00:14:38,640 --> 00:14:40,800
and 20 seconds before
the end Jason fell.
316
00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:43,120
OK, break time.
317
00:14:43,160 --> 00:14:45,920
Power nap or power crap -
that's up to you, my friends.
318
00:14:45,960 --> 00:14:48,560
But whatever you do, please don't
do both at the same time.
319
00:14:48,600 --> 00:14:51,800
That's a nice sofa.
See you in a minute.
320
00:14:51,840 --> 00:14:53,560
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
321
00:14:58,880 --> 00:15:00,720
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
322
00:15:02,040 --> 00:15:05,840
Hello! Welcome back to part two
of Taskmaster.
323
00:15:05,880 --> 00:15:09,680
There have been some unintentionally
glorious failures on this show over
324
00:15:09,720 --> 00:15:14,520
the years and now they're trying
their best to fail on purpose.
325
00:15:14,560 --> 00:15:17,840
Yeah, boy.
This is some next level stuff.
326
00:15:17,880 --> 00:15:19,320
Wow! Pow, isn't it?
327
00:15:19,360 --> 00:15:21,440
LAUGHTER
The task they need to fail is
328
00:15:21,480 --> 00:15:23,880
to knock over ten skittles in
ten minutes.
329
00:15:23,920 --> 00:15:26,400
If they succeed at
the task they will lose one point.
330
00:15:26,440 --> 00:15:27,880
Now for the final two
331
00:15:27,920 --> 00:15:31,760
heartbreakingly spectacular
contestants, it's Rosie and Fatiha.
332
00:15:34,960 --> 00:15:37,960
What do I us... What do I use?
What would you normally use?
333
00:15:38,960 --> 00:15:40,520
Are you looking
for anything in particular?
334
00:15:40,560 --> 00:15:42,360
Yeah, I'm looking for some balls.
335
00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:43,800
These aren't really that heavy.
336
00:15:47,200 --> 00:15:49,160
Ooh, yes! Come on.
337
00:15:51,640 --> 00:15:52,880
Are you ready? I'm ready.
338
00:15:56,120 --> 00:15:57,400
I'll get one, I'll get one.
339
00:15:58,520 --> 00:15:59,680
Ohh.
340
00:16:02,480 --> 00:16:04,000
That's a good strategy, right?
341
00:16:04,040 --> 00:16:05,360
They've all got to go down...
342
00:16:05,400 --> 00:16:07,200
I know, I'm trying, I'm trying.
343
00:16:07,240 --> 00:16:08,480
..in the next five minutes.
344
00:16:08,520 --> 00:16:09,880
Watch out, everyone. OK.
345
00:16:12,480 --> 00:16:14,400
Yes! Yes, come on.
346
00:16:14,440 --> 00:16:16,760
Maybe if I throw it. Maybe.
347
00:16:16,800 --> 00:16:17,920
Hold on.
348
00:16:18,960 --> 00:16:20,440
LAUGHTER
349
00:16:21,920 --> 00:16:23,320
Yes!
350
00:16:23,360 --> 00:16:25,320
Two left. You don't want to knock
them all down. Right.
351
00:16:29,120 --> 00:16:30,440
Ohh.
352
00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:34,600
The last one's got to fall
at exactly ten minutes.
353
00:16:36,680 --> 00:16:38,440
Wow. I'm coming.
354
00:16:38,480 --> 00:16:39,560
OK, you need to get them all down.
355
00:16:43,680 --> 00:16:44,800
WHISTLE BLOWS
356
00:16:44,840 --> 00:16:46,640
Fatiha, you haven't knocked
any down.
357
00:16:46,680 --> 00:16:47,760
How do you feel?
358
00:16:47,800 --> 00:16:48,920
Terrible.
359
00:16:48,960 --> 00:16:52,240
I'm the best thrower in my borough,
and now look.
360
00:16:52,280 --> 00:16:53,280
Yeah.
361
00:16:58,040 --> 00:17:00,360
AUDIENCE: Oh!
362
00:17:00,400 --> 00:17:02,480
Congratulations, you've knocked
over all ten
363
00:17:02,520 --> 00:17:04,600
and there's just two
and a half minutes left.
364
00:17:06,320 --> 00:17:07,720
OK.
365
00:17:07,760 --> 00:17:09,880
APPLAUSE
366
00:17:11,040 --> 00:17:14,040
Just check the wording of
the task.
367
00:17:14,080 --> 00:17:15,920
"Fail the next task in the most
h..."
368
00:17:15,960 --> 00:17:17,520
Oh, heartbreakingly spectacular.
369
00:17:17,560 --> 00:17:19,080
Sorry, I thought it was just "shit".
370
00:17:19,120 --> 00:17:20,840
LAUGHTER
371
00:17:20,880 --> 00:17:22,680
And you didn't fail.
372
00:17:22,720 --> 00:17:24,640
No, I know.
I didn't really understand,
373
00:17:24,680 --> 00:17:27,160
and he'd talk to us
for ages about it and I just...
374
00:17:27,200 --> 00:17:29,320
I nodded, didn't I? Yeah.
And I was like, "Yeah."
375
00:17:29,360 --> 00:17:30,720
And went... I didn't have a clue.
376
00:17:30,760 --> 00:17:32,640
LAUGHTER
377
00:17:32,680 --> 00:17:34,040
So, what does that mean?
Rosie gets...?
378
00:17:34,080 --> 00:17:36,320
Well, it means it's mad that
she's in second place in the
series,
379
00:17:36,360 --> 00:17:38,400
but...
LAUGHTER
380
00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:42,760
She has to get minus one point,
that's it.
381
00:17:42,800 --> 00:17:45,680
You have to go down a point in
the series. I'm sorry. What?!
382
00:17:45,720 --> 00:17:47,880
Oh, you don't understand?
You have to lose a point.
383
00:17:47,920 --> 00:17:49,480
I lose a point?
384
00:17:49,520 --> 00:17:52,200
So... All we know is that Rosie
definitely gets minus one point
385
00:17:52,240 --> 00:17:53,480
because she succeeded in the task.
386
00:17:53,520 --> 00:17:54,720
The rest all failed,
so it's up to you,
387
00:17:54,760 --> 00:17:56,640
who was the most heartbreakingly
spectacular?
388
00:17:56,680 --> 00:17:59,760
Fatiha, do you think that was
heartbreaking or spectacular?
389
00:17:59,800 --> 00:18:02,480
I think it was bloody spectacular.
390
00:18:02,520 --> 00:18:04,400
Well, I'm here to tell you it was
neither of them.
391
00:18:06,160 --> 00:18:08,840
You're so cruel,
but it just makes me want you more.
392
00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:11,200
LAUGHTER
393
00:18:11,240 --> 00:18:14,000
Exactly my tactics, my friend.
394
00:18:14,040 --> 00:18:15,400
OK, two to Fatiha. OK.
395
00:18:15,440 --> 00:18:19,040
Mathew's was genuinely quite
heartbreaking, cos it was,
396
00:18:19,080 --> 00:18:21,640
you know, part
of his ongoing breakdown.
397
00:18:21,680 --> 00:18:24,200
Right. But I think we have to reward
398
00:18:24,240 --> 00:18:27,280
Jason's incredible stunt at the end.
399
00:18:27,320 --> 00:18:28,800
OK. Which was spectacular.
400
00:18:28,840 --> 00:18:30,680
Three to Mathew, four to Jason.
Yeah, and then...
401
00:18:30,720 --> 00:18:32,800
No! Obviously.
FATIHA: Yeah.
402
00:18:32,840 --> 00:18:35,040
I mean, I genuinely believed you
were bullied.
403
00:18:36,160 --> 00:18:38,040
I was, but not that bad.
404
00:18:38,080 --> 00:18:40,200
But not that badly,
so it's all cool.
405
00:18:40,240 --> 00:18:41,880
Five points.
Five points to Stevie Martin!
406
00:18:41,920 --> 00:18:45,200
CHEERING
407
00:18:45,240 --> 00:18:46,480
Hey, what's the scores?
408
00:18:46,520 --> 00:18:49,200
Well, after two tasks,
Rosie's got zero points.
409
00:18:49,240 --> 00:18:50,680
At the other end of the table
we've got Stevie Martin
410
00:18:50,720 --> 00:18:52,120
on nine points!
411
00:18:52,160 --> 00:18:53,800
CHEERING
412
00:18:55,240 --> 00:18:56,600
Right, another one, then.
413
00:18:56,640 --> 00:18:59,120
Yes, please.
Well, it's an arty team task next
414
00:18:59,160 --> 00:19:01,360
that's got them all in a spin.
415
00:19:13,880 --> 00:19:16,040
You go first this time.
Oh, thank you.
416
00:19:16,080 --> 00:19:18,040
Hello, team. Hello.
417
00:19:18,080 --> 00:19:19,520
Please stand on a spot.
418
00:19:19,560 --> 00:19:21,200
Yeah.
419
00:19:21,240 --> 00:19:23,160
Good luck.
420
00:19:23,200 --> 00:19:25,160
STEVIE AND JASON: Javie Martzoukas!
421
00:19:25,200 --> 00:19:28,520
"Each person must write down
three words to describe
422
00:19:28,560 --> 00:19:31,200
"a memorable scene.
423
00:19:31,240 --> 00:19:33,960
"You must be silent throughout."
424
00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:38,000
"And your team-mate must not see
what you have written."
425
00:19:38,040 --> 00:19:40,360
"You have one minute."
426
00:19:40,400 --> 00:19:42,840
"Your time starts now."
427
00:19:42,880 --> 00:19:45,680
Three words, memorable scene.
On that card, please.
428
00:19:45,720 --> 00:19:47,240
A memorable scene.
429
00:19:47,280 --> 00:19:49,240
Like a scene in a film or...?
430
00:19:49,280 --> 00:19:52,080
Just a memorable scene,
that's all the information.
431
00:19:55,920 --> 00:19:57,400
WHISTLE BLOWS
OK, I'm just gonna collect in
432
00:19:57,440 --> 00:19:58,600
those cards.
433
00:20:04,120 --> 00:20:05,280
And that's for you.
434
00:20:05,320 --> 00:20:06,640
Ah.
435
00:20:06,680 --> 00:20:08,120
That's the second part of the task.
436
00:20:08,160 --> 00:20:11,240
OK. OK, here we go.
437
00:20:11,280 --> 00:20:13,200
Paint your memorable scene
438
00:20:13,240 --> 00:20:16,320
so that your team-mate can guess
your three words.
439
00:20:16,360 --> 00:20:20,280
You must not give any clues about
your own three-word scene
440
00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:22,600
except by painting the scene.
441
00:20:22,640 --> 00:20:24,880
You must not write any words.
442
00:20:24,920 --> 00:20:26,400
Fastest wins.
443
00:20:26,440 --> 00:20:29,720
Your time starts when
the turntable turns.
444
00:20:30,920 --> 00:20:32,680
Turn the turntable!
445
00:20:38,920 --> 00:20:40,560
What? Are you joking?
446
00:20:40,600 --> 00:20:42,840
Have we got to do it...?
Are you kidding me?
447
00:20:42,880 --> 00:20:45,040
It's not gonna stop.
Are you kidding me?
448
00:20:45,080 --> 00:20:47,360
APPLAUSE
449
00:20:49,360 --> 00:20:52,200
Your nickname is not
going to catch on.
450
00:20:52,240 --> 00:20:54,840
Yes, it is.
It makes you both less memorable.
451
00:20:54,880 --> 00:20:56,200
What? What is it?
452
00:20:56,240 --> 00:20:57,440
Javie Martzoukas!
453
00:20:57,480 --> 00:20:58,640
Javie Martzoukas.
454
00:20:58,680 --> 00:21:00,960
We should get a point for having
a team name and team spirit. Yeah.
455
00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:02,880
And we've lost every team task
so far.
456
00:21:02,920 --> 00:21:04,960
LAUGHTER
457
00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:06,720
You have been bad.
458
00:21:06,760 --> 00:21:08,120
Good. Good.
459
00:21:08,160 --> 00:21:11,640
Let's spin the canvases, man.
Will do.
460
00:21:11,680 --> 00:21:16,000
I suppose we might as well start
with the team of two, Jason and...
461
00:21:16,040 --> 00:21:18,240
Please use our title.
Better known as...
462
00:21:18,280 --> 00:21:20,560
Javie Martzoukas!
Thank you! Yes!
463
00:21:22,320 --> 00:21:23,960
Turn the
turntable.
464
00:21:26,960 --> 00:21:29,280
OK. Oh. Oh, I see.
465
00:21:29,320 --> 00:21:30,640
OK.
466
00:21:32,480 --> 00:21:33,840
Don't guess yet.
467
00:21:37,480 --> 00:21:38,840
Rabbit.
468
00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:41,080
That is one of the words. OK.
469
00:21:41,120 --> 00:21:43,000
Oh, dang. OK, I'm bad at this.
470
00:21:45,080 --> 00:21:46,480
Now it just looks like boobs.
471
00:21:46,520 --> 00:21:47,720
It looks like boobs,
but it's not boobs.
472
00:21:47,760 --> 00:21:49,480
I won't guess boobs.
JASON LAUGHS
473
00:21:49,520 --> 00:21:51,200
Wait, guess, guess,
guess based on my...
474
00:21:51,240 --> 00:21:52,480
Oh, sorry. Poison.
475
00:21:52,520 --> 00:21:55,680
Skull and cross bones.
Pirate. Medicine. Um...
476
00:21:59,600 --> 00:22:01,360
What, woman? Yeah?
477
00:22:01,400 --> 00:22:03,600
Uh... Graveyard?
478
00:22:03,640 --> 00:22:05,360
Yeah.
Oh, son of a bitch.
479
00:22:05,400 --> 00:22:07,960
What more can I possibly do than
what I've done?
480
00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:10,280
OK, mountains, dead. Dead.
Dead is right.
481
00:22:13,240 --> 00:22:14,320
Car. Yes!
482
00:22:14,360 --> 00:22:15,960
Car? You've got all of Stevie's.
Great, great, great.
483
00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:17,800
She's got none of yours.
None of mine?
484
00:22:17,840 --> 00:22:19,760
Oh, what is it? Oh, it's a lip?
485
00:22:19,800 --> 00:22:21,520
It's a car. It's a boat.
486
00:22:21,560 --> 00:22:24,080
But, but... It's smiling.
But... Smiling, lip smiling.
487
00:22:24,120 --> 00:22:25,800
Sad face. Oh, love.
Kissing, kissing!
488
00:22:25,840 --> 00:22:27,320
Ooh! Kiss?
489
00:22:27,360 --> 00:22:28,400
Kiss is correct. You have one.
OK.
490
00:22:28,440 --> 00:22:30,240
OK, right, memorable scene
with kissing.
491
00:22:30,280 --> 00:22:31,560
Boobs kissing.
492
00:22:31,600 --> 00:22:33,040
It doesn't feel like
you're doing anything.
493
00:22:33,080 --> 00:22:34,600
Turn them around
and start again, maybe?
494
00:22:34,640 --> 00:22:37,080
Yeah, great, that's a great idea.
I'm gonna do that.
495
00:22:37,120 --> 00:22:39,760
OK.
So we're starting again.
496
00:22:39,800 --> 00:22:41,800
Right. Here it comes.
Oh, baby.
497
00:22:41,840 --> 00:22:44,240
Babies kissing!
498
00:22:44,280 --> 00:22:45,960
It would be memorable.
499
00:22:46,000 --> 00:22:49,480
Oh? Oh!
500
00:22:49,520 --> 00:22:50,880
I... Slap!
501
00:22:50,920 --> 00:22:52,600
Yes. Correct. One to go.
502
00:22:52,640 --> 00:22:54,000
That's two.
We've got two words right now.
503
00:22:54,040 --> 00:22:56,680
OK. Kiss, slap. Look?
504
00:22:56,720 --> 00:22:59,600
Um... What is that?
JASON LAUGHS
505
00:22:59,640 --> 00:23:01,680
Glare. Glower.
506
00:23:01,720 --> 00:23:02,960
Oh, yes, yes!
507
00:23:03,000 --> 00:23:04,680
Uh... Yes.
Glimpse? Please.
508
00:23:04,720 --> 00:23:06,720
Look? Glimpse, glance.
509
00:23:06,760 --> 00:23:09,280
Glance is right.
I've stopped the clock.
510
00:23:09,320 --> 00:23:11,280
You went from glower to glimpse
to glance, finally.
511
00:23:11,320 --> 00:23:12,960
I got glance from THAT.
512
00:23:13,000 --> 00:23:15,040
That's incredible.
513
00:23:15,080 --> 00:23:18,000
That is so funny!
514
00:23:18,040 --> 00:23:20,240
Can I just say something?
Because before we did it,
515
00:23:20,280 --> 00:23:22,760
when we wrote the words, Jason
went,
516
00:23:22,800 --> 00:23:24,480
"Just so you know,
when we're writing these words,
517
00:23:24,520 --> 00:23:26,040
"we're probably gonna
have to paint them."
518
00:23:26,080 --> 00:23:27,240
And then he wrote glance.
519
00:23:27,280 --> 00:23:29,280
LAUGHTER
520
00:23:30,480 --> 00:23:32,720
This was a real low point
for Javie Martzoukas,
521
00:23:32,760 --> 00:23:35,520
because I felt...I felt
particularly bad for Stevie,
522
00:23:35,560 --> 00:23:39,600
because I am dog shit at every
element of this. What?
523
00:23:39,640 --> 00:23:41,720
This is gonna come as
a surprise.
524
00:23:41,760 --> 00:23:45,160
I'm willing
to say I'm not good at art.
525
00:23:46,160 --> 00:23:47,520
And this, ladies and gentlemen,
526
00:23:47,560 --> 00:23:50,520
marks the first time
that Jason has admitted
527
00:23:50,560 --> 00:23:52,280
that he's bad at anything.
Yeah.
528
00:23:52,320 --> 00:23:54,280
Unless it's boobs,
which I can draw.
529
00:23:54,320 --> 00:23:57,880
When I'm trying to draw anything,
it comes out looking like boobs.
530
00:23:59,520 --> 00:24:01,120
Ah, thank you for saluting me.
531
00:24:01,160 --> 00:24:02,920
This might be your journey
to becoming British, you know?
532
00:24:02,960 --> 00:24:04,160
A bit of self-doubt.
533
00:24:04,200 --> 00:24:05,840
ENGLISH ACCENT: Oh, Daddy.
534
00:24:05,880 --> 00:24:08,040
LAUGHTER
535
00:24:09,040 --> 00:24:10,360
OK, advert time.
536
00:24:10,400 --> 00:24:13,040
In a troubled world, what better
moment to take the hand
537
00:24:13,080 --> 00:24:15,000
of that special person in
your life
538
00:24:15,040 --> 00:24:17,240
and tell them that you love them.
539
00:24:19,920 --> 00:24:22,480
Do you want me to get
the belt again?
540
00:24:22,520 --> 00:24:24,400
I'm so sorry, I thought
you wanted me to... No?
541
00:24:24,440 --> 00:24:26,120
We'll see you in a minute.
So sorry.
542
00:24:26,160 --> 00:24:28,120
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
543
00:24:33,160 --> 00:24:35,320
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
544
00:24:37,840 --> 00:24:40,720
Here we are, it's the start of
the second half of the show
545
00:24:40,760 --> 00:24:43,240
and there's
a team task which needs closure.
546
00:24:43,280 --> 00:24:45,080
So, the task involves each
contestant painting
547
00:24:45,120 --> 00:24:47,120
a memorable scene on their canvas,
548
00:24:47,160 --> 00:24:49,440
which can be described in
three words,
549
00:24:49,480 --> 00:24:52,720
and they then have to guess
what each other's three words are
550
00:24:52,760 --> 00:24:53,880
from their paintings.
551
00:24:53,920 --> 00:24:56,000
Fatiha, Mathew and Rosie
are all in one team,
552
00:24:56,040 --> 00:24:57,880
so this won't be straightforward.
553
00:24:59,040 --> 00:25:01,000
Oh, for God's sake.
554
00:25:01,040 --> 00:25:02,640
Right, that's yours, then.
555
00:25:02,680 --> 00:25:04,000
Right, this is mine.
556
00:25:06,640 --> 00:25:08,560
Oh, sugar.
Do you know what?
557
00:25:08,600 --> 00:25:11,240
I like this, yeah,
cos I used to do art,
558
00:25:11,280 --> 00:25:13,840
so I'm gonna smash this right up.
559
00:25:13,880 --> 00:25:16,160
Guess what the others are.
560
00:25:16,200 --> 00:25:17,600
Uh, lightning.
561
00:25:17,640 --> 00:25:19,120
No. Storm.
562
00:25:19,160 --> 00:25:21,080
That is one of the words. Yes!
563
00:25:21,120 --> 00:25:24,200
Is yours Jaws?
Not Jaws. It's three words.
564
00:25:24,240 --> 00:25:26,480
Captain Phillips?
No, no, it's three words.
565
00:25:26,520 --> 00:25:28,680
Is it love?
Love is one of the words. Correct.
566
00:25:28,720 --> 00:25:30,600
Love. Are we guessing
the film or the...? Ocean.
567
00:25:30,640 --> 00:25:31,760
No, you're just guessing
568
00:25:31,800 --> 00:25:34,080
the three words that
you've written down. Oh, just
words.
569
00:25:34,120 --> 00:25:36,520
Oh, giraffe? No.
HE SNIGGERS
570
00:25:40,280 --> 00:25:41,480
Is it drowning?
571
00:25:41,520 --> 00:25:42,560
Correct.
572
00:25:42,600 --> 00:25:44,000
We're looking for six more words.
573
00:25:45,080 --> 00:25:47,320
Wow. You've added details.
574
00:25:47,360 --> 00:25:49,880
Is it a sex scene?
Romeo And Juliet.
575
00:25:49,920 --> 00:25:52,400
Is it from Titanic? Mm-hm.
576
00:25:52,440 --> 00:25:54,960
Weirdly, the Titanic was what was in
my mind for this.
577
00:25:55,000 --> 00:25:56,640
Can I tell him? No?
Definitely not.
578
00:25:56,680 --> 00:25:57,680
No. That would give it away.
579
00:25:57,720 --> 00:26:01,080
Can I quickly draw some things that
might guess the words?
580
00:26:01,120 --> 00:26:03,400
Well, I think you should've done
that a while ago. Ah.
581
00:26:04,520 --> 00:26:05,840
French women.
582
00:26:05,880 --> 00:26:07,360
French is correct.
583
00:26:07,400 --> 00:26:10,000
Oh, yeah. I can't give any clues,
can I?
584
00:26:10,040 --> 00:26:11,840
No, you can by painting.
585
00:26:11,880 --> 00:26:13,760
Life drawing. Posing.
586
00:26:13,800 --> 00:26:16,040
Figurative masturbating.
587
00:26:17,360 --> 00:26:18,640
Touching yourself.
588
00:26:18,680 --> 00:26:20,040
Are you giving a clue?
589
00:26:20,080 --> 00:26:22,520
Seduction. No. Am I?
Yeah, seduction, seductive.
590
00:26:22,560 --> 00:26:24,160
Try and guess yours!
591
00:26:24,200 --> 00:26:26,560
Yeah, let's try. So...
What could your words be?
592
00:26:26,600 --> 00:26:27,920
Mine is so easy.
593
00:26:27,960 --> 00:26:30,440
Where are they? Restaurant!
594
00:26:30,480 --> 00:26:31,800
Cafe? Cafe is right.
595
00:26:31,840 --> 00:26:33,240
Yes! Oh.
596
00:26:33,280 --> 00:26:34,960
Is it...is it them,
the what's it called?
597
00:26:35,000 --> 00:26:36,680
It's the film,
it's the "I'll have what she's..."
598
00:26:36,720 --> 00:26:37,760
Harry and Sally.
599
00:26:37,800 --> 00:26:39,520
Correct! Yay!
600
00:26:39,560 --> 00:26:40,960
High five, bruv.
601
00:26:41,000 --> 00:26:42,040
We've got Harry, Sally,
602
00:26:42,080 --> 00:26:45,120
cafe, storm, love,
drowning and French. And French.
603
00:26:45,160 --> 00:26:46,800
Yeah. Sexy.
604
00:26:46,840 --> 00:26:49,320
Sexy is correct.
OK, now my last word.
605
00:26:49,360 --> 00:26:51,120
How the...how do you draw this?
606
00:26:51,160 --> 00:26:52,560
What's the film?
MATHEW AND FATIHA: Titanic.
607
00:26:52,600 --> 00:26:53,840
And what's the scene?
608
00:26:53,880 --> 00:26:55,560
The scene where he paints
her naked.
609
00:26:55,600 --> 00:26:56,600
Using?
610
00:26:56,640 --> 00:26:58,600
Using paints. Pencil.
611
00:26:58,640 --> 00:26:59,920
Crayons.
612
00:27:01,200 --> 00:27:02,200
Charcoal.
613
00:27:02,240 --> 00:27:04,320
Correct! Is it?
Stop the turntable.
614
00:27:05,960 --> 00:27:08,120
I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
615
00:27:08,160 --> 00:27:10,040
I remember the bit where
he drowns more.
616
00:27:11,080 --> 00:27:13,440
APPLAUSE
617
00:27:14,760 --> 00:27:16,320
Well, Rosie... Yes.
618
00:27:16,360 --> 00:27:18,600
I put it to you that for
the vast majority
619
00:27:18,640 --> 00:27:20,840
of that task,
you didn't understand it.
620
00:27:20,880 --> 00:27:22,880
No. No, I didn't.
621
00:27:22,920 --> 00:27:24,680
What's absolutely fascinating is
622
00:27:24,720 --> 00:27:26,360
even when you understood it,
623
00:27:26,400 --> 00:27:29,680
you chose to depict
the scene where Kate Winslet
624
00:27:29,720 --> 00:27:33,880
gets painted with
the words "sexy, French charcoal".
625
00:27:35,560 --> 00:27:38,920
Cos she says, "Draw me like one
of your...those French girls."
626
00:27:38,960 --> 00:27:41,280
It's just such a strange
combination.
627
00:27:41,320 --> 00:27:43,040
I don't know where these things
come from in my brain.
628
00:27:43,080 --> 00:27:48,440
And when Rosie was arguably cheating
by simply playing charades,
629
00:27:48,480 --> 00:27:51,680
Mathew's guess was
figurative masturbation.
630
00:27:51,720 --> 00:27:54,360
LAUGHTER
631
00:27:54,400 --> 00:27:55,760
And then Fatiha stepped in
632
00:27:55,800 --> 00:27:57,160
and went, "What, touching yourself?"
633
00:27:57,200 --> 00:28:01,160
I mean, it's just madness.
634
00:28:01,200 --> 00:28:03,800
But let's hear the timings first.
Yeah, total timings...
635
00:28:03,840 --> 00:28:06,040
I mean, arguably the team of
three had a harder job,
636
00:28:06,080 --> 00:28:08,240
cos they had three
to guess rather than two.
637
00:28:08,280 --> 00:28:10,120
But they were substantially slower.
638
00:28:10,160 --> 00:28:11,680
Six minutes, ten
for the team of two.
639
00:28:11,720 --> 00:28:14,240
12 minutes, 16
for the team of three. Not that
bad.
640
00:28:14,280 --> 00:28:16,080
So I suppose three minutes
per painting
641
00:28:16,120 --> 00:28:17,440
or four minutes
per painting.
642
00:28:17,480 --> 00:28:19,520
The team of two definitely won it,
so they get five points, I think.
643
00:28:19,560 --> 00:28:22,280
Five points for Stevie and Jason.
Yes!
644
00:28:22,320 --> 00:28:25,040
CHEERING
645
00:28:28,000 --> 00:28:31,440
Well done. Oh! So, how many points
for the team of three?
646
00:28:31,480 --> 00:28:33,280
Yes, I'm gonna give them
three points. Three points.
647
00:28:33,320 --> 00:28:35,080
Because, you know, there was some
creativity going on there.
648
00:28:35,120 --> 00:28:36,640
Bit of cheating.
They took twice as long.
649
00:28:36,680 --> 00:28:38,120
Three seems fair.
650
00:28:38,160 --> 00:28:39,920
Team of three get three,
the team of two get five.
651
00:28:39,960 --> 00:28:41,080
There we go.
652
00:28:41,120 --> 00:28:42,920
CHEERING
653
00:28:42,960 --> 00:28:45,880
I would like another task
right away.
654
00:28:45,920 --> 00:28:48,840
Yes, right, here we go.
Oh, sorry, can you go up a bit?
655
00:28:48,880 --> 00:28:50,800
Sorry, Lizzy.
That's it. Go back a bit.
656
00:28:50,840 --> 00:28:54,400
Back a bit, back a bit more.
That's it. Stop.
657
00:28:54,440 --> 00:28:57,240
Sorry, not that.
Go, go back again.
658
00:28:57,280 --> 00:28:59,200
OK, yeah, from there, please.
659
00:28:59,240 --> 00:29:00,800
Good. Right, here's the next task.
660
00:29:15,200 --> 00:29:17,320
I came in with a bang.
661
00:29:17,360 --> 00:29:19,200
Jason.
662
00:29:19,240 --> 00:29:21,000
HE SIGHS
663
00:29:21,040 --> 00:29:22,640
Lots of props.
664
00:29:25,200 --> 00:29:26,280
Right.
665
00:29:27,640 --> 00:29:30,520
"Obey the autocue." OK.
666
00:29:31,800 --> 00:29:37,080
"The most authoritative delivery
with the fewest mistakes wins."
667
00:29:37,120 --> 00:29:39,160
Ohhh.
668
00:29:39,200 --> 00:29:41,920
"Your time starts when
the autocue starts."
669
00:29:43,400 --> 00:29:45,000
Have you used autocue before?
No.
670
00:29:45,040 --> 00:29:46,920
APPLAUSE
671
00:29:48,960 --> 00:29:50,960
Rosie, I forget that
you're a mother.
672
00:29:51,000 --> 00:29:52,960
You've got two children, right?
Yeah.
673
00:29:53,000 --> 00:29:56,400
And every now and again you just
get a brief insight into it,
674
00:29:56,440 --> 00:29:59,400
and the way that you arrived at
this task and assessed it,
675
00:29:59,440 --> 00:30:02,000
it looked like a mum going into
a kid's room
676
00:30:02,040 --> 00:30:03,560
and going, "Look at
the state of this bedroom."
677
00:30:03,600 --> 00:30:05,880
Can you just show them the clip?
I know the bit. It's this bit.
678
00:30:07,920 --> 00:30:09,760
LAUGHTER
679
00:30:14,720 --> 00:30:16,080
OK, good. Who's first?
680
00:30:16,120 --> 00:30:18,760
Yes, it's time to try out our first
three young science presenters -
681
00:30:18,800 --> 00:30:21,360
Jason, Mat and Rosie.
682
00:30:21,400 --> 00:30:23,040
Commence the autocue.
683
00:30:23,080 --> 00:30:24,560
Oh, hello, folks.
684
00:30:24,600 --> 00:30:29,120
My name is Scientist
Dr Rosie/Ramsey.
685
00:30:29,160 --> 00:30:32,600
Dr Jackson Mickey.
686
00:30:32,640 --> 00:30:36,440
My name is Dr Dark Stuff.
687
00:30:36,480 --> 00:30:38,080
And I'd like to welcome you all
688
00:30:38,120 --> 00:30:40,240
to Science Today today.
689
00:30:41,960 --> 00:30:44,320
# Science Today... #
690
00:30:44,360 --> 00:30:46,400
# Science Today,
what's gonna happen? #
691
00:30:46,440 --> 00:30:49,200
# And science all your life... #
692
00:30:49,240 --> 00:30:52,160
# Get fucking buckled in
693
00:30:52,200 --> 00:30:54,600
# Science Today, here we go! #
694
00:30:56,160 --> 00:30:58,960
So, what's on today's
Science Today show?
695
00:30:59,000 --> 00:31:01,520
We're going to do two scientific
demonstrations
696
00:31:01,560 --> 00:31:04,920
and I guarantee...
They'll both blow your mind.
697
00:31:04,960 --> 00:31:07,120
THEY ALL IMITATE EXPLOSION
698
00:31:07,160 --> 00:31:08,400
Let me think,
699
00:31:08,440 --> 00:31:11,080
which two experiments
should we do today
700
00:31:11,120 --> 00:31:12,880
on Science Today?
701
00:31:12,920 --> 00:31:14,520
OK, we will do...
702
00:31:14,560 --> 00:31:17,040
BOTH: One and three.
703
00:31:17,080 --> 00:31:18,800
Number one and number three.
704
00:31:18,840 --> 00:31:20,120
Oh, yes.
705
00:31:20,160 --> 00:31:22,000
So that means you'll see me
do the...
706
00:31:24,120 --> 00:31:26,280
Ha-ha! Boing! Boing, boing, boing,
boing, boing, boing.
707
00:31:28,560 --> 00:31:32,200
This ball is so bouncy that
every time you drop it -
708
00:31:32,240 --> 00:31:33,840
and that's drop, not throw...
709
00:31:33,880 --> 00:31:36,680
It bounces up to a much higher
place than where it started.
710
00:31:36,720 --> 00:31:38,280
I know, mad. Watch this.
711
00:31:42,760 --> 00:31:43,960
Failure.
712
00:31:44,000 --> 00:31:46,920
This fantastical orb has
a tiny tracker inside,
713
00:31:46,960 --> 00:31:48,760
which means it always returns
714
00:31:48,800 --> 00:31:50,600
to exactly where it was
thrown from.
715
00:31:50,640 --> 00:31:52,840
Don't believe me?
You will soon.
716
00:32:01,400 --> 00:32:02,440
Ta-da!
717
00:32:02,480 --> 00:32:04,120
BOTH: Okey dokey.
718
00:32:04,160 --> 00:32:06,000
Let's move on to
my second experiment.
719
00:32:07,560 --> 00:32:09,880
Whoo! Yes! Yes!
720
00:32:09,920 --> 00:32:13,120
Did you know a rainbow changes
the colour of the whole sky?
721
00:32:13,160 --> 00:32:14,280
I think that's right.
722
00:32:14,320 --> 00:32:16,000
I can't remember.
I'm having trouble sleeping.
723
00:32:17,680 --> 00:32:20,560
There was this time
a few years ago when
724
00:32:20,600 --> 00:32:23,840
I actually was dropped from
a very high height.
725
00:32:26,240 --> 00:32:29,960
I hit...hit someone in my car...
726
00:32:31,840 --> 00:32:37,880
..and I think, I think they were
still OK,
727
00:32:37,920 --> 00:32:40,480
but I was...
I panicked and I drove away.
728
00:32:42,080 --> 00:32:43,240
Ten years ago...
729
00:32:44,360 --> 00:32:45,760
..I was lost at sea.
730
00:32:47,840 --> 00:32:49,800
Anyway,
there's a way you can change
731
00:32:49,840 --> 00:32:51,360
the colour of other things, too.
732
00:32:51,400 --> 00:32:55,520
And that way is called paint.
733
00:32:55,560 --> 00:32:58,680
Paint!
734
00:32:58,720 --> 00:33:02,400
BOTH: Paint! Whoo!
735
00:33:02,440 --> 00:33:04,360
If you shut your eyes
and really concentrate,
736
00:33:04,400 --> 00:33:07,720
you can actually tell
the colour of paint by its smell.
737
00:33:07,760 --> 00:33:10,280
Take this tub here. OK?
738
00:33:10,320 --> 00:33:11,800
I'm gonna put the tub
behind my back
739
00:33:11,840 --> 00:33:13,760
and open it without looking at it.
740
00:33:13,800 --> 00:33:15,800
Now I'm going to do
741
00:33:15,840 --> 00:33:17,800
a big sniff of the air
in front of me.
742
00:33:17,840 --> 00:33:20,440
THEY ALL SNIFF
743
00:33:20,480 --> 00:33:21,600
That's definitely blue.
744
00:33:21,640 --> 00:33:22,960
Blue. Blue.
745
00:33:25,640 --> 00:33:26,720
See?
746
00:33:26,760 --> 00:33:30,120
Now we'll do the same
with this pot.
747
00:33:31,480 --> 00:33:34,720
THEY SNIFF
That's the one. Yellow.
748
00:33:34,760 --> 00:33:36,160
Ooh, I think that one's yellow.
749
00:33:37,720 --> 00:33:39,040
It's yellow.
750
00:33:39,080 --> 00:33:40,320
Totally yellow.
751
00:33:41,680 --> 00:33:44,760
But what happens if
I mix these two together?
752
00:33:44,800 --> 00:33:46,160
It'll make a brand-new colour.
753
00:33:46,200 --> 00:33:49,000
That colour is called blullow.
754
00:33:49,040 --> 00:33:51,760
And that colour is called...
755
00:33:53,160 --> 00:33:54,400
..James.
756
00:33:56,840 --> 00:33:58,360
Once they're mixed together,
757
00:33:58,400 --> 00:34:01,800
I can use my thumb as
a paintbrush on this.
758
00:34:01,840 --> 00:34:03,640
I mean, it's like a brown colour,
isn't it?
759
00:34:03,680 --> 00:34:05,800
What's brown? A piece of turd.
760
00:34:05,840 --> 00:34:07,040
There we go.
761
00:34:07,080 --> 00:34:10,640
And hey presto!
I've made a blullow car.
762
00:34:13,840 --> 00:34:15,720
Boobs.
763
00:34:15,760 --> 00:34:17,360
I've got to go now.
764
00:34:17,400 --> 00:34:19,080
But not before I sing
the theme tune again,
765
00:34:19,120 --> 00:34:21,800
exactly the same as I sang it
the first time round.
766
00:34:21,840 --> 00:34:23,600
Let's dance together!
767
00:34:23,640 --> 00:34:24,760
Goodbye, everyone.
768
00:34:24,800 --> 00:34:26,040
# Science Today... #
769
00:34:26,080 --> 00:34:27,800
# Science Today... #
770
00:34:27,840 --> 00:34:30,360
# Dr Rosie Ramsey,
Science Today... #
771
00:34:30,400 --> 00:34:33,000
# Science yesterday... #
# Get ready for Science Today
772
00:34:33,040 --> 00:34:34,880
# Not science tomorrow
773
00:34:34,920 --> 00:34:36,560
# Science Today! #
774
00:34:36,600 --> 00:34:38,160
I will kill you!
775
00:34:38,200 --> 00:34:40,440
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
776
00:34:43,560 --> 00:34:46,320
When I was a child growing up in
the 1970s,
777
00:34:46,360 --> 00:34:51,440
the BBC used to show really boring
Open University lecturers.
778
00:34:51,480 --> 00:34:53,400
It was so tedious and awful.
779
00:34:53,440 --> 00:34:56,520
For the vast majority of it,
that's what Mathew reminded me of.
780
00:34:57,760 --> 00:34:59,280
That's what I was going for.
781
00:34:59,320 --> 00:35:03,440
And then every now and then
something weird just sneaked in.
782
00:35:03,480 --> 00:35:04,720
Here's Science Mat.
783
00:35:05,800 --> 00:35:10,840
# Science Today
and science all your life... #
784
00:35:10,880 --> 00:35:13,040
LAUGHTER
785
00:35:13,080 --> 00:35:15,560
I guess those broadcasts when
you were a child
786
00:35:15,600 --> 00:35:16,880
were different over in
the States, were they?
787
00:35:16,920 --> 00:35:18,120
Much more aggressive.
788
00:35:18,160 --> 00:35:21,680
Yeah. Yeah, "Get fucking
buckled in."
789
00:35:21,720 --> 00:35:23,440
LAUGHTER
790
00:35:23,480 --> 00:35:26,000
I don't know how relevant
"I will kill you" is.
791
00:35:27,280 --> 00:35:29,640
Listen, you know what
that's gonna do?
792
00:35:29,680 --> 00:35:32,080
Bring them back
for the next episode.
793
00:35:32,120 --> 00:35:34,200
I mean, the thing I thought about
Rosie was she's just
794
00:35:34,240 --> 00:35:36,480
a pretty good presenter.
Hmm. Weren't she?
795
00:35:36,520 --> 00:35:38,640
Well, that was the task. Yeah.
796
00:35:38,680 --> 00:35:41,880
OK, let's stop for
the last time and take a break.
797
00:35:41,920 --> 00:35:43,800
Come back when someone will win
798
00:35:43,840 --> 00:35:46,720
and then have to give back some
borrowed prizes,
799
00:35:46,760 --> 00:35:50,040
and there was me thinking this show
couldn't get any more low rent.
800
00:35:50,080 --> 00:35:51,320
We'll see you in a minute.
801
00:35:51,360 --> 00:35:53,320
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
802
00:36:02,320 --> 00:36:06,640
Welcome back! It's the last part of
the show and the cast are auditioning
803
00:36:06,680 --> 00:36:09,240
to be children's TV science
presenters.
804
00:36:09,280 --> 00:36:13,080
Yes, they are. Because that's what
the task told them to do
805
00:36:13,120 --> 00:36:14,640
and no-one seems to question
the premise.
806
00:36:14,680 --> 00:36:18,760
Now, for our final two it is Stevie
and it is Fatiha.
807
00:36:19,800 --> 00:36:24,840
Oh, how are you folks,
my name's Dr Darth Light Finger.
808
00:36:24,880 --> 00:36:29,920
My name is...F-F-F-F-F-Fah.
809
00:36:29,960 --> 00:36:31,800
And I'd like to welcome you
810
00:36:31,840 --> 00:36:34,720
all to Science Today today.
811
00:36:36,160 --> 00:36:39,960
Which two experiments shall we do
today on Science Today?
812
00:36:41,760 --> 00:36:43,200
Hmm...
813
00:36:43,240 --> 00:36:45,800
I'm going to pick one and four.
814
00:36:45,840 --> 00:36:48,520
Number one - the bounce experiment!
815
00:36:48,560 --> 00:36:51,320
Boing, boing, boing, boingy-boing!
Boing, boing, boing, boing, boing!
816
00:36:51,360 --> 00:36:54,720
This ball is so bouncy. Watch this!
817
00:36:54,760 --> 00:36:57,320
BALL BOUNCES
Good lord!
818
00:36:57,360 --> 00:37:01,800
This fantastical orb has a tiny
tracker inside.
819
00:37:01,840 --> 00:37:04,440
This is what... WAH! It scared me.
820
00:37:04,480 --> 00:37:07,400
And I'll also do number two -
821
00:37:07,440 --> 00:37:10,080
the toothpaste experiment.
822
00:37:10,120 --> 00:37:12,360
Huh. The balloon popping
experiment.
823
00:37:12,400 --> 00:37:13,840
Nobody likes the sounds
824
00:37:13,880 --> 00:37:16,960
of balloons popping, do they?
Especially not me.
825
00:37:17,000 --> 00:37:22,640
As everyone knows elephants have
teeth that can grow to this big.
826
00:37:22,680 --> 00:37:25,840
Well, you can easily stop a balloon
from popping
827
00:37:25,880 --> 00:37:27,600
by filling it with liquid.
828
00:37:27,640 --> 00:37:30,800
The best way to get toothpaste
for your elephant is
829
00:37:30,840 --> 00:37:33,400
to manufacture it in your home.
830
00:37:33,440 --> 00:37:35,280
Right here we go, bruv.
831
00:37:38,120 --> 00:37:39,960
This is not going to work.
832
00:37:40,000 --> 00:37:41,240
Stop!
833
00:37:43,600 --> 00:37:46,800
First I just need to add this yeast
834
00:37:46,840 --> 00:37:51,840
to my warm water. I'm stirring
vigorously!
835
00:37:51,880 --> 00:37:55,040
See? I told you I could...do it.
836
00:37:55,080 --> 00:37:57,080
Now... This is crazy.
837
00:37:57,120 --> 00:37:59,000
And I'll put all the glitter into
838
00:37:59,040 --> 00:38:01,600
the special elephant's toothpaste
mixture bottle.
839
00:38:01,640 --> 00:38:04,800
I'm also going to blow
a balloon up now with
840
00:38:04,840 --> 00:38:06,080
the gas inside my body.
841
00:38:06,120 --> 00:38:08,960
I'm not farting into a balloon. Are
you mad?
842
00:38:09,000 --> 00:38:14,280
I always make a horrible retching
sound. Sorry about that.
843
00:38:16,680 --> 00:38:19,680
SHE RETCHES
844
00:38:21,160 --> 00:38:24,640
Watch the chemicals react! Huh!
845
00:38:24,680 --> 00:38:26,920
When I put a sharp pin on
846
00:38:26,960 --> 00:38:30,440
the first balloon, it won't make
a noise at all.
847
00:38:30,480 --> 00:38:34,000
It'll be absolutely silent.
848
00:38:34,040 --> 00:38:36,040
Oh, my God. Is it going to blow?
849
00:38:36,080 --> 00:38:37,920
Oh, my God. I can't do it.
850
00:38:37,960 --> 00:38:40,280
Ahh...
851
00:38:40,320 --> 00:38:44,160
Oh. Huh! Bruv.
852
00:38:44,200 --> 00:38:47,480
Look at that. David Attenborough,
you can suck it. Look at that,
bruv.
853
00:38:47,520 --> 00:38:50,920
And now let's give him, let's give
Ellie a little clean.
854
00:38:50,960 --> 00:38:53,480
BUH! Brrr!
855
00:38:53,520 --> 00:38:56,000
Cover your ears, it's bang time.
856
00:38:56,040 --> 00:38:58,000
OK, here we go.
857
00:38:58,040 --> 00:39:00,000
Oh, my God. Ahhh!
858
00:39:00,040 --> 00:39:01,400
There we go.
859
00:39:01,440 --> 00:39:04,600
That was Science Today...today.
860
00:39:04,640 --> 00:39:08,360
Woo! Good bye, everyone.
Science, science, science.
861
00:39:08,400 --> 00:39:10,640
State of mind! Science is the shit.
862
00:39:10,680 --> 00:39:14,960
My hands are really sticky. Science
is great! Science!
863
00:39:20,080 --> 00:39:22,440
Dr Darth Light Finger.
864
00:39:22,480 --> 00:39:23,480
Yes.
865
00:39:23,520 --> 00:39:26,240
I just thought she was quite
a good presenter. OK.
866
00:39:26,280 --> 00:39:27,960
Until... I just...
867
00:39:28,000 --> 00:39:31,920
The noise you made when you were
cleaning the elephant's tusks.
868
00:39:31,960 --> 00:39:34,320
I didn't hear it. Well, let's have
a listen. Here we go.
869
00:39:34,360 --> 00:39:37,200
BUH! Brrr!
870
00:39:39,560 --> 00:39:42,600
OK, I get that, yeah. Fatiha. Yeah?
871
00:39:42,640 --> 00:39:45,280
OK. The scientist was called
F-F-F-F-Fah?
872
00:39:47,240 --> 00:39:49,320
I couldn't... Do you know what? As
soon as I walked in
873
00:39:49,360 --> 00:39:52,000
and I saw the balloons on
the side I was like, "Oh, shit."
874
00:39:52,040 --> 00:39:54,200
So I couldn't really think
of anything.
875
00:39:54,240 --> 00:39:56,560
I'm just wondering. Yeah. If you
were
876
00:39:56,600 --> 00:39:59,440
a children's science presenter...
Hm. Yeah. OK.
877
00:39:59,480 --> 00:40:01,680
When you put the pin into
the balloon that had
878
00:40:01,720 --> 00:40:06,240
a bit of water in it, you, Fatiha,
were genuinely amazed it had worked.
879
00:40:06,280 --> 00:40:07,840
You went, "Huh!"
880
00:40:07,880 --> 00:40:10,960
Then you had to get back into
F-F-F-F-Fah character.
881
00:40:13,200 --> 00:40:17,520
And I just wonder if, should
a children's science teacher,
882
00:40:17,560 --> 00:40:21,120
when she sticks a pin into
a balloon and she's amazed by it,
883
00:40:21,160 --> 00:40:24,200
should she say, "David
Attenborough, you can suck it."?
884
00:40:28,800 --> 00:40:31,160
And I'd argue, should anyone in this
country say,
885
00:40:31,200 --> 00:40:33,760
"David Attenborough, you can suck
it."?
886
00:40:33,800 --> 00:40:35,200
"Look at that, bruv."
887
00:40:37,160 --> 00:40:39,160
Well, it's...it's most
authoritative delivery.
888
00:40:39,200 --> 00:40:42,320
She was authoritative. Thank you.
She was authoritative.
889
00:40:42,360 --> 00:40:45,320
But also with fewest mistakes
and arguably... Oh, really?
890
00:40:45,360 --> 00:40:47,200
..you ignored quite a bit of
the instructions.
891
00:40:47,240 --> 00:40:52,600
I feel that Rosie was, uh, the most
accurate and authoritative,
892
00:40:52,640 --> 00:40:59,000
followed by Stevie, and then Mathew
and Fatiha and Jason, to me... Yeah?
893
00:40:59,040 --> 00:41:02,640
..were all very engaging and very
interesting, but had moments
894
00:41:02,680 --> 00:41:07,840
of such madness that it didn't
sit within the word authoritative.
895
00:41:09,440 --> 00:41:12,040
So you won't like it, but I'm going
to give them all three points.
896
00:41:12,080 --> 00:41:14,640
So it's three to Fatiha,
three to Jason, three to Mathew,
897
00:41:14,680 --> 00:41:17,880
four to Stevie and five
to Rosie Ramsey! There we go.
898
00:41:19,600 --> 00:41:22,480
Let's see the scores, please.
Yes, well it is still hers to lose.
899
00:41:22,520 --> 00:41:25,640
Stevie's in the lead
with 18 points now.
900
00:41:27,880 --> 00:41:29,440
Come on.
901
00:41:29,480 --> 00:41:35,960
OK, everybody. Please stay where you
are for the final task of the show!
902
00:41:36,000 --> 00:41:37,240
ALL: Ooh!
903
00:41:43,040 --> 00:41:45,400
Who's going to read the task? I
think Fatiha's
904
00:41:45,440 --> 00:41:46,600
going to read the task.
905
00:41:46,640 --> 00:41:48,840
"Say whether the next person
will have
906
00:41:48,880 --> 00:41:51,480
"a higher or lower number
of things than
907
00:41:51,520 --> 00:41:53,440
"the previous person.
908
00:41:53,480 --> 00:41:56,720
"The category of things will change
each time.
909
00:41:56,760 --> 00:41:59,720
"If you make two mistakes, you are
eliminated.
910
00:41:59,760 --> 00:42:02,160
"Last player standing wins."
911
00:42:02,200 --> 00:42:04,960
So, we start with a picture of me.
So, it's whether
912
00:42:05,000 --> 00:42:07,800
the next person has more or less
things than me
913
00:42:07,840 --> 00:42:11,120
and Greg will tell you what
the category of things is.
914
00:42:11,160 --> 00:42:15,440
Ready? Does the person next in
line have a higher or lower
915
00:42:15,480 --> 00:42:17,120
shoe size than Alex?
916
00:42:19,760 --> 00:42:23,800
Reveal the person, higher or lower
shoe size than Alex Horne.
917
00:42:23,840 --> 00:42:27,200
Not many people have
a higher shoe size than me.
918
00:42:27,240 --> 00:42:29,240
In fact, it's only Greg.
It is Rosie Ramsey,
919
00:42:29,280 --> 00:42:30,640
it is lower. You are all right!
920
00:42:30,680 --> 00:42:32,000
Yes. Yes.
921
00:42:33,360 --> 00:42:36,520
Does the person next in line have
a higher or lower
922
00:42:36,560 --> 00:42:40,400
Wikipedia entry word count than
Rosie Ramsey?
923
00:42:41,560 --> 00:42:43,360
They've all gone higher. All gone
higher.
924
00:42:43,400 --> 00:42:44,800
Well, I can tell you it is
actually,
925
00:42:44,840 --> 00:42:47,920
it's Mathew Baynton
and it is higher. It is higher.
926
00:42:51,320 --> 00:42:53,520
Sorry, I've broken one of my
paddles.
927
00:42:53,560 --> 00:42:55,200
How and why did you do that?
928
00:42:55,240 --> 00:42:56,680
I was using them to clap.
929
00:42:57,920 --> 00:43:00,920
You even destroy stuff when
you don't mean to.
930
00:43:00,960 --> 00:43:01,960
You're welcome.
931
00:43:02,000 --> 00:43:07,000
OK. Does the person next in line own
a higher or lower number
932
00:43:07,040 --> 00:43:09,520
of trainers than Mathew Baynton?
933
00:43:09,560 --> 00:43:12,160
OK. We've got three lowers,
we've got two highers.
934
00:43:12,200 --> 00:43:14,120
Mathew, how many pairs
of trainers do you own?
935
00:43:14,160 --> 00:43:15,320
Five.
936
00:43:15,360 --> 00:43:17,120
Greg, how many do you own?
937
00:43:17,160 --> 00:43:18,560
16 pairs.
938
00:43:18,600 --> 00:43:20,200
Higher was right! We have lost
939
00:43:20,240 --> 00:43:22,840
a life here, here and at the end.
940
00:43:22,880 --> 00:43:24,720
All the females lose a life.
941
00:43:24,760 --> 00:43:28,280
Has the person next in line owned
a higher or lower
942
00:43:28,320 --> 00:43:30,120
number of dogs?
943
00:43:30,160 --> 00:43:31,160
Life total, please.
944
00:43:31,200 --> 00:43:34,840
They've gone higher, higher, lower,
lower. Mat goes higher.
945
00:43:34,880 --> 00:43:36,120
How many dogs have you owned, Greg?
946
00:43:36,160 --> 00:43:37,360
Two dogs!
947
00:43:37,400 --> 00:43:38,640
Oh, fuck.
948
00:43:39,880 --> 00:43:42,600
How many dogs have you
owned, Fatiha? Fatiha?
949
00:43:42,640 --> 00:43:44,960
Zero cos they stink!
950
00:43:45,000 --> 00:43:48,200
Lower is correct. If you've gone
higher, we have lost
951
00:43:48,240 --> 00:43:50,040
Fatiha El-Ghorri. She gets one
point.
952
00:43:52,320 --> 00:43:55,680
Does the person next in line have
a higher or lower
953
00:43:55,720 --> 00:43:58,880
number of nieces than
Fatiha El-Ghorri?
954
00:44:00,360 --> 00:44:02,280
She's got family.
955
00:44:02,320 --> 00:44:05,520
Well, I have six nieces. Fatiha?
956
00:44:05,560 --> 00:44:09,040
16. They're all correct. They all
stay in. All good.
957
00:44:09,080 --> 00:44:11,600
It's going to be a big wedding,
Greg. Have you got the dollars?
958
00:44:12,720 --> 00:44:13,720
I have.
959
00:44:15,000 --> 00:44:16,840
Does the next person in line have
960
00:44:16,880 --> 00:44:22,160
a lucky number that is higher or
lower than Alex Horne?
961
00:44:22,200 --> 00:44:24,760
Yeah. Can I ask what the logic is?
962
00:44:24,800 --> 00:44:27,080
I just think he's got
a very obtuse, annoying...
963
00:44:27,120 --> 00:44:30,120
Like 103, or something. ..like 734.
Exactly.
964
00:44:30,160 --> 00:44:32,800
He's not going to just choose six,
like a normal person.
965
00:44:34,680 --> 00:44:37,080
Well, let's find out.
Jason, you've gone higher.
966
00:44:37,120 --> 00:44:39,400
And you are the next person.
What is your lucky number, Jason?
967
00:44:39,440 --> 00:44:42,040
11. Perfectly normal.
968
00:44:42,080 --> 00:44:44,280
My lucky number is...
969
00:44:44,320 --> 00:44:46,000
..one. Whoa!
970
00:44:46,040 --> 00:44:48,600
No. It's 100. No, it's a trillion!
971
00:44:49,920 --> 00:44:51,600
It's a trillion.
972
00:44:51,640 --> 00:44:54,800
Called it. We've lost
Jason Mantzoukas. He comes fourth.
973
00:44:54,840 --> 00:44:58,560
Knew it. Has the person next in
line visited a higher or lower number
974
00:44:58,600 --> 00:45:01,560
of countries this year than
Jason Mantzoukas?
975
00:45:01,600 --> 00:45:03,320
Americans don't usually leave
America, do they?
976
00:45:03,360 --> 00:45:05,520
But he's a famous man. He is.
977
00:45:05,560 --> 00:45:07,840
And here he is in Britain.
978
00:45:10,040 --> 00:45:12,400
Well, the next person... It's
interesting. Touche!
979
00:45:12,440 --> 00:45:13,880
It's only Greg Davies.
980
00:45:13,920 --> 00:45:15,480
Jason, how many countries have you
visited this year?
981
00:45:15,520 --> 00:45:18,760
I believe it's five. Is it higher
or lower?
982
00:45:18,800 --> 00:45:21,720
It's two, actually. It's lower!
We've lost Rosie Ramsey.
983
00:45:21,760 --> 00:45:22,760
Oh.
984
00:45:25,040 --> 00:45:28,960
It's Mathew versus Stevie.
Has the person next in line run
985
00:45:29,000 --> 00:45:33,160
a higher or lower distance ever in
their life than Greg Davies?
986
00:45:33,200 --> 00:45:36,280
LAUGHTER
987
00:45:36,320 --> 00:45:38,600
It's this person, Stevie. Oh.
988
00:45:38,640 --> 00:45:42,080
What's the highest distance you've
ever run in one go? 10K.
989
00:45:42,120 --> 00:45:43,640
I tried to run a mile once.
990
00:45:45,560 --> 00:45:48,760
And a man in the park said, "We've
been talking.
991
00:45:48,800 --> 00:45:50,760
"We don't think you should
run any more."
992
00:45:53,120 --> 00:45:54,640
Well, this is the final one.
It could, of course, be
993
00:45:54,680 --> 00:45:57,000
a draw if you both get this right
or wrong.
994
00:45:57,040 --> 00:46:00,600
Has the person next in line failed
a higher or lower number
995
00:46:00,640 --> 00:46:02,760
of driving tests than Stevie Martin?
996
00:46:04,000 --> 00:46:05,600
Lower, higher. It's you, Mathew.
997
00:46:05,640 --> 00:46:08,000
How many have you failed? One.
How many have you failed?
998
00:46:08,040 --> 00:46:09,800
None. She's never taken a test!
999
00:46:09,840 --> 00:46:12,280
We have a winner! It's
Stevie Martin!
1000
00:46:12,320 --> 00:46:14,440
APPLAUSE
1001
00:46:14,480 --> 00:46:18,680
Stevie Martin wins.
We'll add that to the final scores.
1002
00:46:18,720 --> 00:46:19,960
We'll see you back down there.
1003
00:46:25,600 --> 00:46:27,560
She's done very badly in almost
every episode.
1004
00:46:27,600 --> 00:46:30,720
Oh, my God. She's been rubbish.
1005
00:46:30,760 --> 00:46:35,680
But in this particular episode, she
has got a grand total of 23 points.
1006
00:46:35,720 --> 00:46:38,320
She's won the episode, it's
Stevie Martin!
1007
00:46:41,600 --> 00:46:43,720
Stevie is today's winner!
1008
00:46:43,760 --> 00:46:49,000
Please bowl up to the stage to
behold your borrowed belongings!
1009
00:46:49,040 --> 00:46:51,960
Right, just two episodes to go.
1010
00:46:52,000 --> 00:46:53,720
But for now, it's tonight's winner.
1011
00:46:53,760 --> 00:46:56,560
She's done it! Stevie Martin!
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70119
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