Original subtitles

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

[CRICKETS CHIRPING]

[FATHER SIGHS]

[EXCLAIMING IN ANNOYANCE]

[UTENSILS CLATTERING]

Honey, it's family hour,

there must be something on.

DAUGHTER: Oh, wow, Candy Critters!

[FATHER EXCLAIMS]

Oh, great. It's Monsters, our favorite show!

[MONSTROUS LAUGH]

Shh, it's starting.

[MONSTROUS LAUGH]

[FATHER CHUCKLES]

[CREAKS]

[SIGHS]

[SNIFFS]

[COUGHS]

[SHIVERS]

Below freezing in the middle of April.

[AIR HISSING]

Right on cue.

MAN: "Below freezing in the middle of April,"

a the man says.

And here we are.

Yeah, well, I... [CLEARS THROAT]

thought this room unoccupied. My mistake.

Hey, hold it there, sporty.

[THUD]

Now what do you say we change the occupancy...

[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

And you look like a man

who hasn't had a thing to eat since yesterday's breakfast.

What's through that door?

MAN: Rooms and hallways.

Six floors of them. All empty.

The hotel's all boarded up.

It's ready to be torn down. Yeah.

Isn't it strange that there's still electricity?

Oh. [LAUGHS]

J. J. Fredericks is my name.

But my friends call me Freddy.

I'm Mack.

Hey, how did you do that?

You look like a lover of fine whiskey.

Ah, I've been known to take a taste.

[AIR HISSING]

[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

[ELECTRICITY BUZZING]

Ah, there you are. [LAUGHS]

Top shelf.

Premium.

Fine whiskey.

Yeah, nothing but the best for my friend, Mack.

May we never want

for a friend in need

or a bottle to share with him.

Oh. Oh, Mack, well.

Oh.

[COUGHS]

No, no. No.

I have lighter fluids, that's worse.

[COUGHS] That's much worse.

Superficiality, my friend,

mere trivial this,

when compared to life's greater virtues.

Now, here, here. Sit, sit.

What's your pleasure, Mack?

Do you like a nice, juicy... juicy hamburger?

Here you are. Coming right up, right.

Oh, aye, aye.

I would but, you know, I'm... I'm on a mission

for the Anti-Gravity Society.

In fact,

I've got a top-secret meeting with some Martian diplomat.

Have some pickle.

[FREDDy CHUCKLES]

I could use a bite

before I go.

It's sawdust.

Tastes like leather. It's worse than your damn whiskey.

Are you...

[CLEARS THROAT]

But, uh,

that doesn't mean I don't appreciate the hospitality.

[COUGHS]

How about a turkey leg?

Huh? Yeah.

Turkey leg.

I'm off red meat anyway.

I'll have turkey leg.

You know, I...

I do make a fine leg of turkey.

I'll go see how...

Come on, come on, come on.

Come on, come on, come on.

[LAUGHS LOUDLY]

You did it.

How the... I mean...

How long have you been...

Oh, how long?

Oh, well, I just...

You know, I don't have much of a memory.

I mean, I'm a little...

But I do remember that one.

I was a child.

I could spill my milk just by looking at it.

How would you like to have a little entertainment?

Hmm.

Follow me.

FREDDY: Right this way.

Right this way. It's right around.

[MUSIC PLAYING ON TV]

All the comforts of home.

Okay, wait, this room was empty.

That's right. Sit, sit down.

But, wait... Sit, sit this side. Go ahead.

Oh, missed you, Deloris.

FREDDY: You snake.

[GRUNTS IN DISGUST]

Apple.

Huh? Apple.

Can you make me an apple?

Apple.

Apple, I'm gonna serve. [CHUCKLES]

How about a banana then?

Oh, I shall suggest one.

How about my own chair?

Well, it's right behind you, Mack.

[LAUGHS]

[BOTH LAUGH]

Yeah, yeah.

Bubbles. Bubbles.

Bubbles.

Oh, the bubbles.

[BOTH LAUGH]

[PANTING]

Money.

Money.

Money. Money. Money.

Money.

Money.

Money. Money.

Money. Money.

Money. Money. Money. Money.

Money. Money.

Money. Money from heaven.

Money. Money!

I have money!

[BOTH LAUGH]

Money.

Oh. Oh.

Yeah.

Oh. Oh.

Yes.

MACK: It's not supposed to say "money."

They are originals.

They are creation.

They are ridiculous.

All right. No.

No, no, no. No, no.

Freddy, you are doing great, Freddy.

Great.

I mean, you are a genius, man,

but this money.

No, no.

No, no, Freddy. Freddy.

One hundred one-dollar bills.

Oh.

Nothing.

Well, I tell you what happened with the last one.

[CHUCKLES] I got you.

Yes.

I drew out of the bottle.

Yes, yes.

"In Mack, we trust."

This is my picture.

What's my picture doing on a damned one-dollar bill?

Freddy, this wouldn't even work in a Monopoly game.

Oh, wait a minute, will you?

I'm a man.

I mean, I'm not some appalalus... Apparatus.

I mean, if it's perfection you want,

you are in a need of a machine.

Not a human being.

All right.

All right.

All right, Freddy.

How about gold, huh?

You can do that.

We can do that.

We can do that!

We can do that!

Gold.

Gold for my friend.

Gold.

[LAUGHS]

Yeah!

Yes, yes, yes.

Yes!

No.

It's brass, Freddy. I want gold.

I'm the maker.

I'm a man of vision.

Freddy,

I'm telling you this as a friend.

Everything you make is hopelessly flawed.

Food that is not fit to eat, whiskey not fit to drink, and this...

gold.

Gold, be gone.

It's gone.

I didn't know you could do that.

Freddy, the magician.

I...

everything Freddy makes

is good for nothing.

Oh, no.

No, no, Freddy.

You are sensational.

All you need is a little behavioral modification

and I can help you achieve that.

I can help... No, no.

This... This is where we are going to start.

Don't, don't take. It's the last time.

I didn't have my medicine.

Things happened.

Best things.

Oh, would I let anything bad happen to you?

Mack,

you promise that you would stay with me,

no matter what happens.

I will never leave you.

Attaboy, Freddy.

MACK: You are getting real close.

Now, think, man, concentrate.

Hmm?

Diamond.

Can you picture that?

I'm seeing lot of things but...

Mack.

Yeah, I think she's coming.

MACK: Freddy, Freddy, no one is coming.

She is coming! She is coming!

She is coming! Freddy.

No one is coming.

It's all in your imagination.

Hell, don't you see it? She is not out of it.

She is here. All of them.

They are all here.

[CRYING]

Freddy, look.

I just want to make my point.

There was no one here, huh.

It's just us.

It's just us chickens, us good friends.

Now concentrate, Freddy, diamonds.

That's it.

That's it. Deep breath.

Now, diamond. Diamond.

Mack. Mack.

No.

No. Mack.

Mack! [SCREAMS]

She's here.

There! Sto it, it's all in your imagination.

No. Close the door, Freddy.

Close the door, Freddy. [SCREAMS]

Mack.

Freddy.

Freddy, think of something else.

Think of...

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

Make it stop, Freddy.

Make it stop. No.

Oh, no.

MACK: Oh.

Better get out of this nightmare, old man.

No. You promised. No.

[SCREAMING]

Get it off me!

Get it off me!

MACK: No. Get it off me!

Leave me. Get it off!

[COUGHS]

[ELECTRICITY BUZZING]

FREDDY: No.

No.

No.

No. No.

No. No. [GRUNTS]

I'm sorry, buddy.

No. I'm sorry.

See.

Die, you coward old fool.

[GASPING]

This...

This...

This...

FREDDY: Mack, Mack.

Drink, drink, drink, drink

drink, drink.

[PANTING]

Easy, easy, easy.

MACK: Easy, easy.

Okay, okay, all right.

Okay, okay.

[PANTING]

There you go. That's it.

[GRUNTS] Oh.

Oh, it was t...

Touch and go for a moment, there.

Oh, yeah.

Foolish old man.

I should have known.

I'm just like everything else I make.

No, no, no. Don't be so hard on yourself.

We just had a... minor setback.

I mean, some of it may have been my fault.

Maybe, maybe, maybe more than just a little but,

but, you know, I had to do something.

I mean, I, I had to expiate the situation,

you know, what I'm saying.

Because we are still a team, Freddy.

We're still... This is not a perfect world.

But the thing is that I do dream up. [CHUCKLES]

Well, I guess, I did get a little greedy.

But, what the heck.

I mean, it's just a small personality flaw.

I mean, hell, nobody is perfect.

I mean, we're, remember

friends.

Get out of here! [GRUNTS]

MACK: Oh. [CHUCKLES]

[STAMMERS] I didn't know what you did there for a minute but...

Now, look, look, Freddy,

I know what you're thinking

but I can changed, yeah.

I mean, I'm human.

I've got a brain, see.

I can make things better.

I am not like your other creations. I mean...

My tie.

MACK: Hey, that's my tie.

That's my tie!

What...?

Oh, my God. No.

I'm not one of your creation. I'm not one of your creation.

Mack. My name is Mack.

Mack.

And I come from, uh...

MACK: I can't remember.

[LAUGHING]

I thought we were friends.

Friends, Freddy.

Friends, friends...

No, no, don't.

Wait. Wait, Freddy.

Wait, wait. Freddy.

Freddy. No, Freddy.

Freddy. Freddy.

[LAUGHING]

Bartender,

I would like a bottle of your finest whiskey.

[ELECTRICITY BUZZING]

Oh.

Thank you.

[GRUNTS]

[SHIVERS]

Oh.

Oh.

That was good.

Keep the change.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]