Original subtitles

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

[CRICKETS CHIRPING]

[FATHER SIGHS]

[EXCLAIMING IN ANNOYANCE]

[UTENSILS CLATTERING]

Honey, it's family hour,

there must be something on.

DAUGHTER: Oh, wow, Candy Critters!

[FATHER EXCLAIMS]

Oh, great. It's Monsters, our favorite show!

[MONSTROUS LAUGH] Shh, it's starting.

[MONSTROUS LAUGH]

[FATHER CHUCKLES]

[JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING]

[LIGHTER CLICKS]

WOMAN: Five, four, three, two, one.

[CLICKS]

That's right, Buffalo, it's just a little past 3 O'clock in the morning

and you're here on The Ray Bright Show.

It's the witching hour in Buffalo.

That is if you believe in witches.

It's that time when the psychotics,

the time travelers, the people who believe in the beyond,

start to sneak out of their dank and smelly sewers

looking for a little bit of attention.

I'm Ray Bright, kind of your consumer advocate

to the land of the supernatural

and for the last hour

we have been seated with one Cassandra Lefkowitz.

A lady who claims,

and I underline the word "claims",

to be able to predict the future.

Hello, Ray.

It's nice to share this space with you.

[CHUCKLES] I'm sure it is, Cassandra,

there's nothing like a little free publicity, is there?

Now we've been here for more than an hour.

And in that hour we've heard all about your astral projections,

your Harmonic Convergences,

your visions of the apocalypse.

[SOFTLY] Let's get real.

How about the point spread

of the Bills game tomorrow night?

Ray, as I have explained,

I'm not allowed to use my talents

for monetary gain.

Right.

Right.

Then, perhaps you could explain

to all of us, Cassandra,

why your new book,

Into the Future,

sells for $26.

I'm not here to promote the book. Ray.

That's a good call.

Because right here on Page 63

you predict

that the Golden Gate Bridge is going to collapse

into the Atlantic Ocean.

Now how does that happen?

Is that transcontinental transference?

It was a typo, Ray.

It was one of those silly mistakes. A silly typo.

[LAUGHS] Miss Cassandra, I'll give you a typo.

Give me a prediction.

The Oscars,

[STAMMERS] the Dow Jones Averages,

the football game.

I've got it, maybe you'd like to predict

tomorrow morning's rush hour traffic

on the expressway.

Now that might be a little risky.

Ray, don't you understand?

I've been sent here to save you.

[LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY]

Hey, Deb. Did you hear that?

She's been sent here to save me.

[EXCLAIMS] Oh, Ray is gonna be saved!

Tonight, ladies and gentlemen,

live in our studio.

The Mother Teresa of the twilight zone.

Ray, each one of us

has only one specific talent.

CASSANDRA: And mine is,

that I can see when horrible things

are going to happen to people.

Well, that's really great.

I mean, here I am

buried in Downtown Buffalo

doing an all night radio gig.

And I'm interviewing zombies that bark at the furniture

and you say things are gonna get worse.

Sure you don't wanna take a shot at traffic?

CASSANDRA: I have a premonition, Ray.

I see you confined in a small, dark space

with lots of crone,

moaning and writhing,

and turning and...

Hold on a second.

Now, you cute little thing,

have you been sneaking into my apartment while I haven't been there?

Is this all about sex? Is that what it's about?

Hey, Buffalo,

I swear to ya,

this chick has never been inside my bedroom.

Not in your wildest dreams

of the future will that ever happen.

CASSANDRA: You can joke, Ray.

But I'm warning you,

if you don't change,

a terrible fate awaits you.

Okay.

Change number one...

Poof! You're gone.

Hey, Buffalo, I'm Ray Bright.

We'll be back after these commercials

and the general hosing down of the walls in here.

Cassey, we were great! They loved you.

Ray, I'm not kidding.

I'm warning you.

Get real, will ya?

Goodbye.

I mean, ciao.

[MAN ON ADVERTISEMENT] ...Georg's Used Cars.

Open from 9:00 to 9:30.

[SIGHS IN EXASPIRATION]

Hey, Debbie, who's our next victim.

A woman with an alien in a box.

That's great.

It's my lucky night.

Hey, we're still on for breakfast?

Of course.

That's right, my Buffalo Billys,

if you need transportation for going back in time,

forward in time

or just around the cosmic block.

Channel your hide

over to Georg's Used Cars on Delaware Avenue.

You tell him Ray Bright sent ya

and he'll beat any price in the known universe.

And speaking of the known universe,

my next guest...

[SENSUAL MUSIC PLAYING]

RAY: [SOFTLY] My next guest

is worth a close encounter

of any kind.

Good evening, Raymond.

I understand you've brought an alien with you.

Yes, I did.

And it's right here in this box.

[RATTLING]

I love the way you shake that box, Amanda.

[SENSUAL MUSIC PLAYING]

RAY: Buffalo, too bad you can't be in the studio with me tonight.

Actually, it's probably better

because I get to spend the evening alone

with one Amanda Smith-Jones.

A lady who's just too beautiful for radio.

You're making me blush, Raymond.

I love it when you call me Raymond.

You okay?

Just a little nervous.

I was worried.

I didn't expect you to be so nice.

Hey, babe,

I'm a sweetheart.

I'm a compassionate guy.

I'm a guy who cares about people.

Now, why don't you come on over here and

sit down and make yourself comfortable.

Well, I... Hey.

Talk to Raymond.

Come on.

Come on.

Well... [EXHALES]

RAY: There.

Now, no need for you to worry about anything.

It's just you and me.

So why don't you tell me

about your close encounter with the alien.

It was terrible.

Aww. I'm sure it was.

Go on.

Well, it all started on a beach

in San Tropez.

What were you wearing?

Nothing.

There I was naked.

All alone.

When suddenly I had this strange feeling,

this sensation and this quivering,

and I looked up

and there he was

on top of me.

He was on top of you?

An alien standing there.

You poor thing.

And within seconds we were traveling upwards

through space and time.

And it got very, very quiet.

I was in a cylindrical room

on a white table.

And two of them held my arms,

and two of them held my feet.

And they all took turns

examining and probing me.

DEBBIE: Ray, we have callers.

[PHONE RINGING]

No calls. Go ahead.

Anyway...

when it was all over,

they explained to me that they were from another planet.

A place where they had eliminated evil

and hypocrisy and hatred.

And the solution

is right in this box.

[CHUCKLES] Babe, what are you telling me a story like this for?

What are you talking about?

Hey, babe, I hear it all.

Sex on Mars,

Kennedy, Marilyn, Elvis, all... [CHUCKLES]

hanging around down at a convenient store having a ham sandwich.

What is a handsome woman like you

doing in this place at 3:30 the morning.

feeding me all that mambo jumbo?

I thought you were going to believe me?

RAY: Fine.

You want a fantasy?

I'll give you a fantasy.

You and me,

we leave here right now by a limo

and we check-in

at the Ritz Hotel, Downtown.

We get ourselves the honeymoon suite.

And I'll tell you what,

instead of silk sheets,

I'll give you Champagne.

Instead of time and space,

I'll give you a trip to an astral plane

that you've never even thought of being on before.

Raymond.

I'm very hurt.

[SIGHS]

Fine.

I'll take a look inside the box.

Be careful.

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]

[EERIE MUSIC PLAYING]

[EXCLAIMS SARCASTICALLY]

I'm horrified.

I'm shocked.

LIEN: She's evil! She did this to me.

Help me!

Help me!

We'll be right back after these messages.

That's right, Buffalo,

you can't loose at Madalyn's Manicure Mansion.

And now a word from Mary's Pizza Palace.

[CLICK]

Ray, I wanna talk to you.

Don't you go anywhere.

Okay, what's up? What are you doing to me?

What're you talking about? You're embarrassing me.

Shh. You're in there trying to pick her up.

Hey, you're the producer.

I thought I was your girlfriend.

Babe. Don't "babe" me, Ray.

You told me.

You told me how you screwed up

in Los Angeles and Chicago.

DEBBIE: You told me that I was your last, best hope.

Debbie, it's you and me together.

What goes on in that studio

is strictly show business.

I am not gonna watch you self-destruct.

Trust me.

Go back into your booth.

Trust me.

Do it. Do it now.

[DOOR OPENS]

Technical difficulties.

I see.

You can always tell when you're doing a great show,

you get people really angry.

You keep up the good work.

[CLICK]

Hello, Buffalo, you're back on 1020

and for the benefit for those who just joined us,

I am Ray Bright

and with me is one Amanda Smith-Jones.

Was discovered naked on a beach,

abducted by aliens,

taken to a cylindrical room

where she was probed.

Given a small monster-like creature

that was brought back to Earth to eliminate evil

in our civilization.

Say, "Hello, Buffalo."

Hello, Buffalo.

And because this is an equal opportunity station

we'll get ol' Mr. Slug...

[TAPPING] to say a word or two.

Save yourself, Ray. There's still time.

Oh, please.

Please, Amanda. If that is your name.

Who put you up to this?

What are you talking about?

My 13-year-old daughter

could make a better puppet than that.

What did you do to go to ventriloquism school?

Can the act, baby.

What do I look like?

Some kind of a fool?

What are you, a member of some suburban witches coven?

No, I'm innocent.

No, no, no. I know your kind.

I know why you hate me.

You hate me because I have the power.

I have the power that's stronger than crystals.

I have the power that's stronger than magic.

I have a power that's stronger than all that cosmic crap

you people spew.

I have the power to change people's minds.

I'm that little voice that you hear in the dark.

And I can do it all

from this little room.

I'm not sorry for anyone I've destroyed

[LOUDER] because I tell the truth!

And those people deserve to be destroyed.

You're right.

People should get what they deserve.

So who put you up to this?

Nobody.

I told you the truth.

I was just drawn to you.

To your power.

I couldn't stay away.

RAY: Prove it.

How?

[SENSUAL MUSIC PLAYING]

CREATURE: Don't! You fool!

It's a trap.

Buffalo, she tasted like a...

cool Georgia peach on a warm summer evening.

Now, are you ready to believe me?

Now I'm ready to believe anything.

The creature comes from a planet,

a universe that's a much kinder place than Earth.

Kindness is nice.

Like, Earth,

there was time they were plagued by hate and hypocrisy.

But they realized that hate feeds on hate.

So they created creatures like this to devour it.

Where's the bid deal?

They just created something else that kills.

Yes, but it's more humane.

It can only devour a subject who volunteers.

No one gets absorbed who isn't willing.

Babe, we could be having great sex in some motel room.

Instead I'm sitting here tonight discussing humane death.

Hey, Debbie, do you believe this?

Terrific.

Looks like I'll be going home...

alone tonight.

Anyway, for the benefit of my listeners,

do you mind if I ask your friend about all of this?

Get it directly from the blob's mouth, so to speak.

[LAUGHS] I'm afraid that wouldn't help.

Why not?

You see, the creature doesn't have a mind of it's own.

It simply absorbs the personality

of it's last meal.

And when it eats again,

the previous mind is erased.

Amanda.

It's 3:30 in the morning.

Can't you think of something

more adult we could be doing with this night?

I think your little monster there is a fake.

So here's the deal.

I take chance that Mr. Slugball here eats me.

If he does, I'm dead.

But if he doesn't,

It's you and me

in the Ritz Hotel honeymoon suite.

I can't let you do that.

Why not? Didn't you like the kiss?

I know you wanted it.

No! No, it's not that.

I just cannot--

Come on. Pull the beast out of the box.

But I...

I insist.

Hey, Buffalo,

as my witness,

I'm volunteering.

You insist?

I insist. Let's get it over with.

Well,

if you insist.

[OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING]

Remember, babe,

tonight, you and me at the Ritz.

[THRILLING MUSIC PLAYING]

[LAUGHS CUNNIGLY]

CREATURE: You fool!

You fool!

[AMANDA LAUGHING CUNNINGLY]

You fool!

[RAY SCREAMING]

MAN: That's right,

it's a little after 4:00 in the morning.

and they're all out in force tonight.

Your psychopaths, your crazies,

your time travelers,

your nutso's who believe in the beyond.

I'm Big Ben Grady and this is Dallas Talk Radio.

And my next guest...

my next guest is worth traveling across an entire universe

for one little close encounter.

Hello, Benjamin.

Honey, you know, I love it when you call me Benjamin.

So what's in the box?

A friend

from another planet.

Pursue the love, Lord,

she's already making me jealous.

So do I get to meet him?

Of course.

[REMOVING COVER]

[CAGE RATTLING]

[EERIE MUSIC PLAYING]

CREATURE: [IN RAY'S VOICE] It's a trick. Don't be a sucker for the babe!

She's evil!

She's the alien.

She's the monster! [ECHOING]

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

[THRILLING MUSIC PLAYING]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

[MONSTROUS LAUGH]

[MONSTROUS LAUGH]