Original subtitles

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

[CRICKETS CHIRPING]

[FATHER SIGHS]

[EXCLAIMING IN ANNOYANCE]

[UTENSILS CLATTERING]

Honey, it's family hour,

there must be something on.

DAUGHTER: Oh, wow, Candied Critters!

[FATHER EXCLAIMS]

Oh, Great. It's Monsters, our favorite show!

[MONSTROUS LAUGH]

Shh, it's starting.

[MONSTROUS LAUGH]

[FATHER CHUCKLES]

[THUNDER RUMBLING]

[RAIN PATTERING]

All done.

Wonderful, dear. I'll be just a moment.

Brad, you had some appetite tonight.

You must really like my meatloaf.

Barfola! But I don't wanna starve to death.

Oh, honey.

[SARCASTICALLY] I hope I don't bother you with this hammering.

Oh, I'm sorry, Brad, did you say something?

I can't believe I have such a dorky bookworm for a sister.

Bradley Lamesh, watch your tongue.

Come on, Marge. We're late.

Yeah, it'd be a real shame if someone else killed all the zombies this year.

It's everyone's responsibility to shoot zombies on the night of the dead, son.

Dear, why do corpses rise from their grave each year in our town?

Well, some say it was an ancient gypsy curse.

Some say atomic testing.

Some say shoddy embalming techniques.

But the corpses come up, and they eat people.

So, we gotta shoot them.

Yeah, why don't you just shoot everyone who's ideas you don't agree with.

Zombies are our enemies. We kill our enemies.

Yeah, well, they maybe dead, but they still have rights.

Well, I think it's lovely the way you take an interest in your father's work.

Aren't you going to come with us, Dottie?

Oh no, thanks, mom. I'm just gonna stay here and read.

BRAD: What a family!

Dad goes off to shoot innocent dead people,

mom serves cider and brownies to the hunters,

and my sister lies around like a pile of jelly.

Now, Brad, Dottie only has a week off from college.

If she doesn't wanna kill zombies,

or protest zombie killers, she doesn't have to.

Now, Patootie,

why don't you go and visit some of your old high school friends?

What friends? Dottie doesn't have any friends.

No, I don't.

DAD: Let's go, Marge.

Princess, we'll be gone for a few hours.

The kitchen door is boarded up.

Don't let anyone in.

Dad, I've been living here all my life.

I know about zombies, okay?

Is there enough to eat in the house, Dottiecan?

Mom!

All right. I'm just making sure.

No child of mine should ever be hungry.

Try serving some decent food.

[THUNDER RUMBLING]

[KNOCK AT DOOR]

[GASPING]

Who is it? Paul.

Paul?

Paul Nichols.

PAUL: From Bay North High... French class!

Paul Nichols?

Um, okay, just a sec.

[DOTTIE SCREAMING]

PAUL: Dottie? [SCREAMS]

PAUL: Dottie?

[BANGING ON DOOR]

PAUL: Dottie?

[BANGING ON DOOR]

PAUL: Dottie?

MAN: Hello and welcome to the zombie hotline.

Your first line of defense against the undead.

For zombies approaching your house, press one.

For zombies in your house, press two.

For zombies eating your body, press three.

Thank you. An operator will be with you shortly.

[RING TONE]

[BANGING ON DOOR]

PAUL: Dottie?

[BANGING CONTINUES]

Yes?

PAUL: Could you open the door?

Uh...

Oh, you want me to open the door.

Okay, here I go.

I'll just... um... open it.

Can I come in?

[HESITANTLY] Uh... sure... come on in.

Come right on in.

No problem. Go ahead. Come in.

Aren't you gonna shut the door?

Um... [GASPING]

These are for you.

Oh... thank you. How lovely! Flowers!

Thanks so much. Nice seeing you.

Would you mind if I sit down?

Uh...

Sure... absolutely... Have a seat.

Would you like something to drink?

Oh gosh, oh golly, there is nothing in the house.

Say I've got a great idea. Why don't I go out and get something?

Yeah, I'll go out, I'll get some drinks. And you, stay right here.

Okay? Okay.

No.

No?

No, it's not polite.

Maybe we should just sit down.

Uh... [GASPS]

Uh... [HESITANTLY] I'm sorry.

You're beautiful when you scream.

Dope.

[GASPING]

Paul?

Why are you here?

You don't remember me, do you?

Paul Nichols, French class.

Um...

Wait...

There was a Paul Nichols in my French class,

but he was killed in a car accident...

I remember you.

The funny guy.

Uh... yeah.

I said a few things.

Madam Caposi always used to yell at me.

She sure did! She picked on you like crazy.

But you were funny.

Oh, you were... you did that imitation of her.

That wasn't any good.

Oh, it was! That was right out hysterics!

Oh. could you do it?

Oh...

Oh, come on. Please?

Monsieur Nichols...

[SPEAKING FRENCH]

Monsieur Nichols...

[SPEAKING FRENCH]

That's incredible! That is her!

I never thought you liked it.

Why not?

Because you're so smart.

Well, I did. I thought you were funny.

Thank you.

I came because I wanted to meet you.

Well, Paul, that's very nice,

but why didn't you say anything...

before.

'Cause I was too shy.

But now that I have a second chance, I'm gonna do what I couldn't before.

Today is the first day of the rest of my death.

I wish I could be like you.

You do?

I'm in my first semester in college,

and everything's horrible.

I don't talk to anybody and nobody talks to me.

I'm so lonely.

You? Lonely?

But you're beautiful.

[SCOFFS] Yeah, right.

You are!

You are... to me.

DOTTIE: I hated high school, too.

I didn't mind the classes but doing any of the activities scared me out of my mind.

PAUL: Tell me about it.

Every time you try to get a good attitude going.

This year I'm not going to be a dork.

So you come back from vacation and you're feeling great.

cause you're really different, and soon, everyone's gonna see it.

And you walk into class, and some guy says, "Hi, dork."

Oh, Paul...

Sweetie...

Paul... [GIGGLING]

Paul?

Paul, what are you?

[SCREAMING] Oh, Paul, you're hurting me.

[GRUNTING]

[GROANING]

[CRYING]

Sorry.

Sorry?

You tried to eat me!

I'm sorry, it's just... I'm really hungry!

That's disgusting.

Sweetie, you got to understand.

I've been dead since July, and this is the one night of the year I get to eat.

I didn't mean to.

You of all people.

I love you, Dottie!

Oh, right. You really love me.

How could I have been so stupid!

What was I thinking?

We can never have a relationship.

To you, I'd always be part girlfriend-part dinner.

I know you zombies. You only have one thing on your mind!

That's not true!

I'm not like the others.

Oh, Dottie, how can I make it up to you?

How can I prove I won't eat you?

Keep away!

Oh, my god!

Dottie, will you marry me?

You don't want my hand in marriage! You want it in a sandwich!

How can you say that!

I made a mistake. I went too far.

Please...

Don't take away the only good thing I've ever had.

I'm sorry, Paul.

I really am.

But, no. No, I won't marry you.

Is it 'cause I'm dead?

No!

It's just that we're in different places right now.

I like you. I like you a lot.

But what you want can never be.

We're just too different.

I think you better go.

Dottie, could you do me a favor?

That depends.

I'd like to remember that you and I were friends.

It would mean a lot to me.

I'd like to know it really happened.

So...

Can I...

sign your yearbook?

Oh, Paul.

Okay.

Of course. I'll go get it.

DAD: What's this?

The door is open!

Oh, my god!

Dottie!

You zombie bastard!

Dad!

Princess! She's alive!

Stay back! I've got him.

No! No!

Get down!

[SCREAMING]

PAUL: You killed her.

It was an accident.

Yes. You wanted to kill me.

I thought you'd eaten my daughter.

I loved your daughter.

You loved her?

I've made a terrible mistake.

And it's all due to my fanatical hatred of your kind.

Where was it written that humans and zombies must be enemies?

We too have been guilty or irrational fear and hatred.

Perhaps, one day in the future,

zombies and livers will be at peace.

Livers?

We call you "livers."

Look!

Dottican!

It's not morning, yet. It's still the night of the dead!

Sweetie!

Paul! Darling!

Oh, gross! They're in love.

Barfola!

Bradley.

I can't believe you letting that ugly monster kiss Dottie!

Uh... perhaps we should be going. Honey?

I thought you liked zombies.

Just cause they have rights, doesn't mean I like them.

They're stupid, ugly, slimy, gross, barfola monsters!

You know, son, monsters aren't just things that look ugly.

Monsters can be people who act ugly, who think ugly.

That's really great philosophy, dad.

That's barfola philosophy!

Um, well, okay.

Very nice meeting you, Mr. and Mrs. Lamesh.

You okay, sweetie?

Oh, sure. I'm great.

Well, actually, I guess I'm a little hungry.

No...

No, really. I have this tremendous craving for fresh...

meat.

Come on, sweetie. We don't want to wear out our welcome.

Paul, don't be silly!

Yeah, get out! I never wanna see your ugly faces again.

Bradley, that's your sister.

Dotticans, I've never let you leave this house hungry,

and I'm not about to start now.

We'll just raid the refrigerator.

Thanks mom and dad! Aren't they wonderful?

Great! Don't kill them.

Give them a banquet.

I just realized there's no meat left in the house.

No problem.

We'll kill the neighbors. Yeah, we'll kill the neighbors and feed them to the zombies.

Please, don't trouble yourselves.

We'll eat out.

Marge...

Isn't there something you can rustle up for these kids?

You know, dear, now that you mention it...

I think there is some fresh meat in the house!

No, there isn't.

It's all gone.

And the zombies will starve unless we kill the neighbors.

'Cause that's what zombies need... the human flesh.

[MUSIC INTENSIFIES]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]