Original subtitles

Thank you.

say, sir. It's set on the wireless to print out the signpost in case the Nazis

drop in. I'm not a Nazi. I'm a British officer.

That's what you'd say if you was a Nazi, isn't it, sir?

Drive on, Corporal.

Sorry to give you so many, but you do have six bedrooms. Oh, no trouble, my

dear. Anything to get the poor things away from those terrible bombings in

London. Come along, love.

Here, let's go.

Hey, what about us?

Oh, yes, what is your name, please?

Rawlings, ma 'am.

Rawlings? Rawlings.

Oh, yes, here we are.

Carrie, Charles, Paul.

Oh, you're for Miss Price. I'm expecting her in.

I won't be a moment.

Please, don't touch anything.

Here to check military preparations in the area.

Tell them Pepperidgeye has matters well in hand. But nevertheless, I... What on

earth is that?

Good morning, General. I received your message, Mrs. Hobday. I assume that my

parcel has arrived.

It's in the office.

Ah, lovely.

Who is that?

Miss Price, splendid woman.

Her late father served with me at Beamie Ridge.

What's she burning this thing? It smells a bit like sulphur. Ridiculous.

One can't make motor fuel out of sulphur. Here we are.

Another object from Professor Amelius Brown in London.

Thank you.

Is it what you expected?

I imagine so.

Professor Brown sent you a cat last time, did he not? Yes.

Professor Brown as well?

I haven't the faintest idea.

Are we to have the... pleasure of meeting him.

I very much doubt it. I don't know Professor Brown personally.

Was there something else? As a matter of fact, there is. Would you come this

way, Miss Price? Well, I'm very anxious to get home, you know. Come along,

please.

Children,

this is Miss Price.

Carrie Charles and Paul Rawlins, all the way from London.

How do you do? How are you, Miss?

The government are trying to evacuate. as many children as possible into the

country. Very sensible of her. Today they sent us 45, and I've had to find

for all of them at very short notice.

These are the last three.

All right, children, pick up your things.

You're not suggesting that I should take these children into my house?

Exactly. Oh, I'm sorry, but that's quite out of the question.

Children and I don't get on.

I believe you, Miss.

Be quiet.

Besides, I have work to do. Very important. But, Miss Rice, you do have

entire house to yourself.

And according to the order of the Ministry of Civil Defense, you have no

I see.

Very well, if that is the case, I shall take them into my house with the

understanding that you find a more suitable home as soon as possible.

Fine. Come along.

Morning, Miss Price.

There they are. Oh, Miss Price, what a charitable thing you are doing, taking

these poor unfortunates from the city.

Oh, this very carefully. I wonder, Miss Price, if I may drop by later this

afternoon? Why?

Ah, well, we have their spiritual needs to consider now, do we not?

That won't be necessary. They won't be with me for long.

Bring your things inside.

Bit murky, ain't it? Yeah.

him, that's all.

Yeah, scared to death.

You can see that.

What do you call your cat?

I don't believe in giving animals ridiculous names. I call him Cosmic

because that's the name he came with.

You will sleep in here.

This was my father's bedroom and I want you to be very careful of everything in

it. You boys take the bed there.

All right, miss.

What was your name? It's Carrie, miss.

Carrie, you sleep on the sofa in there.

Thank you, miss.

Is that all you brought?

We ain't... exactly burn down with frillies.

Travel light.

That's us.

Well, I don't think this arrangement is going to work, but it seems that I have

no alternative.

We do our best, miss. Really, we will.

Thank you, Carrie. The bathroom is along the landing.

Supper is at six.

You will wash thoroughly.

Wash? You will wash yourselves, otherwise there will be no supper. Is

clear?

A house of horror. That's what we've come to.

I'm getting close.

Please don't bother to whisper. I'm exceptionally keen of hearing.

You are planning to run back to London?

If you have any more plotting to do, please do it elsewhere where I shan't

to listen to it.

I'm afraid I don't know much about what children eat. You'll have to make do as

I do.

Is there anything particular that you fancy?

Sausage and mash?

Bubble and squeak?

Toad in the hole?

Fried fish?

Oh, anything at all.

I'm afraid you won't find any fried foods in this house.

No fried food?

No. How do you keep your health?

Cabbage buds, rose hips, glissop seed, elm bark, wortel yeast and stewed

nettles.

Dear madam, with this shipment, the Amelius Brown Correspondence College of

Witchcraft sends you its heartiest congratulations on qualifying for the

degree of your chosen calling. You may now call yourself Apprentice Witch.

Yours faithfully, Amelius Brown.

My first broom.

Let's see how we fly this thing.

Here we are.

Clasp the broom with both hands.

Yes, of course.

No,

never astride the broom.

Yes, of course. Technically, a witch is always a lady, except when circumstances

dictate otherwise.

Take an easy, graceful sideways position.

Of course, that's much better.

An easy, graceful, sideways position.

There we are.

How's that?

Now, to start up the broom, your basic formula, Lucky Pony Criff's Crumpet

Leash.

I wasn't ready.

Lucky Pony Criff's Crumpet Leash.

Now watch this.

Here we go.

It's going to be a little different.

ladylike. Lucky pony, crypts, crumpet, leech.

That's the sort of thing witches do. Oh.

Lovely weather for flying last night.

Why did you say that, Charles?

Game's up, Miss Price.

We know what you are.

I see.

Don't worry, Miss Price.

No one's going to peach on you.

Thank you. I should be most grateful if you didn't tell anyone in the village.

Of course.

changes made around here.

I mean, I'd like to see an occasional sausage on the table here. A bit of

strawberry jam.

Charlie, let me handle this.

And another thing, Miss Price, there'll be no more of this wash, wash, wash,

morning and night.

Anything else?

Now you mention it, I could do with a bit of lolly.

Lolly?

information the most accomplished of witches can't make money out of thin

Have you ever heard of a rich witch?

Be that as it may, you don't want us to blab, do you?

Have you considered what danger you might be in?

I am a witch, you know.

What will you do?

Turn me into a toad?

Lovely, a toad with pink eyes.

I might just do that.

Go on then, I'll dare you.

Very well, Charles.

You shouldn't have said that to her. She don't frighten me. She can't even ride

a proper broom.

Excuse me, Charles.

Filigree.

Apogee.

Pedigree.

Perrogee.

Oh, Charlie!

That's better than a toad. That's a rabbit.

Mother, I never seem to be able to manage toads.

That is what you know.

not being able to manage a broom, I can't perform a simple basic spell.

You dare dare to do it?

I don't see why we can't all be friends.

Maybe she's not a wicked witch.

Of course I'm not.

Say? If only I could trust you. You see, the work I'm doing is so important to

the war effort.

How do you mean?

I mean exceptionally important.

Most secret.

What do you say, Charlie? We can keep a secret.

Yeah. If someone made it worth our while.

I don't follow.

Simple. You'd give us something valuable to seal the pact.

Oh, Charlie, don't try to be clever again.

It's for our own protection, ain't it? If we broke the pact, we'd have to give

back the valuable object.

I think it's an excellent idea.

I wonder what I could give you.

Would you settle for one of my spells?

Bet that's not worth much.

Come with me.

You touch in here.

Run sort of plays, ain't it?

When I signed for my witchcraft course, there was a free bonus, a certain

marvellous travelling spell, if you pay promptly in advance.

I think I'll give you that one.

Is it valuable?

Certainly.

Poison dragon's liver?

Poison dragon liver.

You mean you poison the dragon?

It's part of the school equipment.

Ah, here we are. The travelling spell.

All right, everybody, gather round.

All right, now, let's see. Does any one of you have a bracelet or a ring or

something that you can twist?

No, Miss Price.

What about you, Paul?

Always carry a few things around with me.

Never know when they might come in useful.

Piece of blue glass.

Lovely bit of string.

That will be all right.

Carrie, turn the light down a little bit, will you?

Elbow, henbane, aconite.

Glue and fire, firefly light.

There.

Isn't that... Pretty.

Is that all we get?

This knob will now work the famous travelling spell.

And what's the famous travelling spell?

How does it work?

Well, you take this knob and put it back on the bed upstairs. Then turn it

smartly a quarter turn to the left. Then, in a firm, clear voice, tell it

you want to go, and the bed will take you there.

Go on.

Miss Price, will it really?

Well, I see no reason to think otherwise.

Oh, thank you for the lovely gift.

Oh, I'm sorry, but it does belong to Paul. He's the only one who can work the

spell. Me?

Yes. Yes, I might want it.

That's the way the spell works.

Nice mess he'll make of things.

Oh, bother.

You children run upstairs.

But mind you, don't try anything with the bed knob till I get back.

Dear madam, it grieves me to inform you that due to the war, we have been forced

to close down our College of Witchcraft.

This means that we shall not be sending you to the final lesson in which you

expressed so much interest.

We were wondering what was keeping you.

I've had some very bad news.

Is there anything we can do?

No, no thank you.

Yes.

Yes, there is something that Paul can do.

Me? Paul, I need the bedknot back. I must get to London immediately.

No, I want to go to the jungle.

Come with me, Paul.

Now, Paul, ridiculous as it may seem to have to explain this to a six -year -old

child, but I do need your help.

Go ahead.

I was expecting a very important spell in the mail from my teacher, Professor

Emilius Brown, and it hasn't come.

What's that got to do with my knock?

I must go to London immediately and see Professor Brown.

With his help, we may be able to bring this war to a successful end.

That is why I need the knock.

What is your decision?

I brought this for your hair, Carrie. It may be windy. Thank you. Oh, it's ever

so nice.

Paul, have you been to the bathroom?

Twice. Good.

Charles, you'd better put on something warmer.

The bed may travel quite fast.

I'm not going.

I'm staying right here.

But why, Charlie?

All that rubbish about a travelling bed. It won't work.

That's why.

Carrie, help me to pull the bed out.

We don't want to scratch the wall when we take off, do we?

Now, how's a ruddy big bed like that going to get out of this room with those

little windows?

I don't know, Charles.

There's a great many things about magic that I don't know. We'll just have to

find out.

Lovely. Just so you leave me out of it. I don't fancy making a fool of myself.

What's come over you lately, Charlie?

You're no fun anymore.

Help me to tidy up the bed, Carrie. We don't want to go to London with an

bed. How old is Charles?

Eleven, going on twelve.

I see. That's what my father used to call the age of not believing.

What's that supposed to be?

When you rush around in hopeless circles.

Searching everywhere for something true.

You're at the age of not believing.

When all the make -believe is through. That's Charlie to a T.

When you set aside your childhood heroes.

And your dreams are lost upon a shelf.

You're at the age of not believing.

And worst of all, you doubt yourself.

Throw that into the wastebasket.

You're a castaway where no one hears you.

On a barren isle in a lonely sea.

What's that supposed to be? Poetry? Where did all the happy endings go?

Where can all the good...

You must face the age of not believing, doubting everything you

ever knew.

The novel?

Until at last you start believing there's something wonderful

in you.

Lovely sentiment, I'm sure.

Are you ready, Paul? Yes, Miss Price.

Repeat after me.

Take us to Professor...

Amelius Brown.

Take us to Professor Amelius Brown.

Very good.

Headmaster, Correspondence College of Witchcraft.

Headmaster, Correspondence College of Witchcraft,

London. Of Witchcraft, London.

Now, when I say go, tap the knob three times.

And turn it a quarter turn to the left.

Left. That's it.

Now we'd better hold on tight.

The behaviour of the bed is something I'm not quite sure of.

It'll let me breathe a little.

All right, Paul.

Ready?

Go.

One.

Of course it is. Can't you tell that lovely sooty hair?

Marvelous, ain't it? Well, Charles, are you convinced by now?

Not yet, I ain't. I don't see no Professor Brown.

Neither do I, in point of fact. You children look after the bed while I make

inquiries for Mr. Brown.

I told you this flaming bed wouldn't work. Oh, Charlie, don't start that

It didn't work proper. This bed was supposed to take us to Professor Brown.

what they seem to be.

Is that not so, madam?

That ain't the kind of professor I expected.

I'm not sure it's the kind of professor Miss Price expected either.

What effect?

A little smokies.

With a dash of hocus -pocus and the scent of burning... and the scent of

sulfur in the air.

He ain't very good, even if he is a professor.

I'll tell you what I'm going to do. No, ladies, please don't go.

Don't leave now.

And regret lost opportunities later.

You, young sir, would you care to warble like the storied nightingale with this

inexpensive device? You can charm the very birds down from the trees, like so.

For you, sir, one penny.

One copper coin of the realm.

Harry, I'm very surprised at you wandering off like this. We found him

miss. We found Professor Brown.

Don't work. I've been cheated.

Is that Professor Brown?

It is indeed, my dear.

How may I serve you? Would you be interested in the mating call of the

Maturkin bird, known as the bird of love?

Very useful, eh?

You are the headmaster of the Amelius Brown Correspondence College of

Witchcraft? The late headmaster. The college, alas, is now defunct.

Professor Brown, I am one of your pupils.

My dear lady, you are indeed an ornament to the college.

Splendid. Not at all.

I was shocked and dismayed when you closed down the college without that

important last lesson. I'm sorry, my dear. No refunds. Look at your contract.

But I must have the spell that comes with a last lesson.

The matter is closed. I bid you good day.

I have an appointment to my club for squash rackets. The matter is not

Don't let him get away.

Ryder!

Apogee, pedigree, pedigree.

Now I trust you'll behave more like a

gentleman. Look out!

Well, there goes another rabbit.

What was all that about? I changed you into a rabbit with one of your own

spells.

My spell?

From my school?

Not one of your best spells, in point of fact. It doesn't last very long. Some

of your others are much better.

But I don't understand.

My spell?

They were just nonsense words that I got out of an old book. Well, they were

perfectly well for me.

They work for you?

Good woman!

Some kind of destiny has brought us together.

You got the words for these spells out of some old book, you say?

Well, more or less. I changed them round a bit. I gave them a bit of my own

style, as it were. The old sorcerers did have a bit of a tendency to waffle on,

but, dear lady, I never thought I'd meet somebody like you.

What a treasure.

Mr. Brown, will you please stick to the point? I would like to see this book

immediately. Certainly.

It's at my new townhouse.

Would you care to join me for luncheon? We can discuss my ideas at the same

time. Thank you. We'd be delighted.

We shall all go together.

On the bed? On the bed, Paul.

You go round the other side. I always travel on the left.

Will you give the address to Paul, please?

May I ask how we are going to get there on this bed?

Fly? My dear Professor Brown, with your own travelling spell, the one you gave

with the courses, a bonus.

My travelling spell?

That works as well.

Just give the address, please.

8 Winchfield Road.

Please take us to 8 Winchfield Road.

Madam, is this vehicle safe?

Oh, perfectly safe.

A bit theatrical, perhaps, but then most good spells are.

We're here.

I would never have believed it.

You must have given us the wrong address. You don't live here, do you?

In point of fact, I do.

Temporarily, at any rate.

I found the front door open. The house was deserted.

Everyone has left the neighborhood.

Now, why should they do that?

This probably has something to do with it.

Merciful heavens.

I should think you'd be terrified at the very idea of living here. You'd have

thought so, wouldn't you? I am by nature... A little bit of a coward, but

pondered, as I often do, in the perverse nature of things, this diabolical

object is probably the best friend I've ever had.

It enables me, for the first time in my life, to live like a king. Shall we go

in?

Rothschild 26.

Noble, worldly -wise, but with a charming touch of innocence, wouldn't

Mr. Brown, the book. Where is it?

Dear lady, you are relentless.

The book is in the library, and we shall proceed there after finishing our

cheese and wine.

Why do you keep the curtains closed?

So that we may enjoy the gentle glow of candlelight.

More likely shows the copper don't peek in and catch you hiding out here.

Now, why don't you young things have a look round the house? I want to have a

chat with Miss Price.

May we?

Yes, run along, children. But mind you, don't touch anything. Remember, this

house does not belong to Mr. Brown.

Mr. Brown, where is that book?

I must have that spell on substitutionary locomotion.

What is it? A toy shop? No, it's a nursery.

Ain't you ever seen a nursery?

No, and neither have you.

Would you hold this, please?

What do you think of that?

Well, I don't know what to think. Miss Price, just think how successful I could

be. with an assistant who can really do magic.

Oh? Dear lady, have you ever considered entering what some of us call show

business?

The what business?

The theater, pantomimes, village fairs, the seaside, Brighton, Blackpool, bodies

on the prom. Mr. Brown, I have very important work to do.

Listen to me. We could make a packet.

Let us strike a bargain.

You possess a gift, but I can speak the jargon that will give your gift the

needed lift.

Oh? You possess the know -how, and I command the show -how. Oh, how

you could be with me.

I'm afraid we're wasting valuable time. What's your name?

Miss Price.

No, no, your first name, my dear. Eglantine.

Eglantine?

Eglantine, Eglantine, oh, how you'll shine.

Your lot and my lot have got... to combine.

Eglantine, Eglantine, heart to the stars.

Destiny calls us. The future is ours. As the shine sells the boot and the

blossoms the fruit fall. You need to succeed in your plan.

He is the proper ally upon whom to rely.

And I'm your man.

For I have been a human that's nigh superhuman.

I shall be... that nobody can.

So I humbly suggest you accept my behest.

I'm your man.

Eglantine, Eglantine. Oh, how you shine.

And my lot have got to combine.

Eglantine, Eglantine. On to the stars.

Boom, boom.

Can't be no such place. There is to such a place.

These pictures prove it, don't it?

Bit weird, ain't it? Animals wearing hats and things.

I like it.

I warned you, Mr. Brown.

Now, where is the book?

Well, where is it?

At last, Mr. Brown.

The spells of Astaroth.

Of course.

Ah, here's the traveling spell. This is where you got it.

Does one's nose have to twitch like this?

Oh, you're back, Mr. Brown.

Miss Price, a word about your tactics.

I don't mind being changed into a hawk or a tiger or something with a bit of

dash to it, but always a fluffy white rabbit.

It's intolerable.

Ah, here we are.

Substitutionary locomotion.

The ancient art of... The spell which creates this force

is five mystic words. These words are...

But the rest of the book is missing.

Now you see why I closed down the college.

Where are the other pages?

Have the foggiest.

Listen to me, Mr. Brown.

I'm all ears.

You will be if you don't pay attention.

Where did you get this book? I bought it from a chap in a sweet market. There

was a bit of unpleasantness, as a matter of fact. He claimed that I'd given him

a dud coin, I ask you. There was a sort of scuffle. The book tore.

He got one half, and I got the other.

But where's the other half now?

It's probably been thrown away.

But if it still exists, there's only one place to find it. Where is that?

Portobello Road,

Portobello Road, street where the riches of ages are stowed. Anything

and everything a chap can unload is sold off the barrow in Portobello Road.

You'll find what you want in the Portobello Road.

A pen used by Shelley.

A new -bottled Shelley.

The snippers that slipped old King Edward's cigars.

Made in Hong Kong.

Two bob a dozen, would you say?

Water for crystal.

The plurian's business.

Society heirlooms with genuine gems.

Rembrandt's old wackos. To lose the trekkos.

Painted last week on the banks of the Thames.

Interesting, but where do they sell books? There's a little place around the

corner.

Portobello Road, Portobello Road, sweet where the riches of ages are stowed.

Anything and everything a chap can unload is sold off the barrow in

Road.

want is the other half of this book. All in good time, my dear.

First period, the bride book, the fishmonger's title. I'm looking at the

part of this, thank you.

A Victorian novel, the unwanted son.

You don't understand, I'm not interested. The history of potting. The

of yachting.

This good lady is looking for the other half of this book. It's called The

Spells of Astaroth.

I don't keep no torn or damaged books here. What do you think I am? A ruddy

white paper merchant?

I think if I'm right, there's another bookstore along here somewhere.

Grandpa, you don't expect to sell a piano like that, do you? Let me have a

my dear fellow.

Portobello Road, Portobello Road.

Everything's a -happening in Portobello Road. You feel like a ballerina when

you're hopping like a toad. When you kick your heels up down in Portobello

Come on, girl!

Street where the riches of ages are stowed.

Anything and everything a chap can unload.

Hey, Governor.

Boy, Tosh, something for the lady friend?

Nylons? No, thank you.

Petrol coupons?

Chocks for the little ones? Nope.

How about one of these, mate?

Fell off the back of a lorry. Do be a good chap and run away.

Would you fancy this, then?

Ah, now you have my undivided attention.

What can I do for you, friend?

You ought to get over to the bookman straight away.

He wants to see you.

You too.

Who is the bookman? And what right has he got to order me about?

Under the circumstances, I think we'd better ask questions later. Excuse me.

Sorry, Jeff. No one told me about the stairs.

Why didn't you just bring Scott and Yard, Swinburne, and half the household

cavalry as well?

What's the bed for?

It's a present for you.

That's what he said.

Nothing of the sort. The bed belongs to me.

Sex, it is not what you'd mind.

Be that as it may, Hookman, there's been bad blood between us long enough.

Let this glittering gift begin friendship anew. Draw the curtains and

door. You'll be snuggled up.

Mr. Brown, isn't that the section of the manuscript that we've been looking for?

Who is this person?

Miss Eglantine Price, a charming young woman of my acquaintance. Miss Price,

I've been looking for this sort of bit a long time.

Mr. Swinburne told me you were in the market making inquiries.

And here we are. I don't mind saying, to see it all together at last, there

isn't much I wouldn't do.

Or haven't done, for that matter. Right, Gov?

Now, close your mouth, Swinburne. Is that clear?

It's all rather like a jolly detective story or jigsaw puzzle, isn't it?

We're both after the same spell.

You have one clue, I have the other.

In that case, the sensible thing seems to be for us to cooperate.

It is.

I assume you're looking for the same thing I am.

May I?

This is quite a moment for both of us.

Substitutionary locomotion.

The lost miracle of the ancients, and so on and so forth. Ah, here we are.

The spell which creates this force is five mystic words.

These words are engraved on the star that was always worn by the sorcerer

Astaroth. But where are the words of the spell?

I assumed they'd be in your half of the manuscript.

I thought they'd be in yours.

Once again, a dead end.

I shall never know the secret.

Isn't that old, Astaroth?

And there's his star.

It's a pity it's so small you can't read the writing.

But why the animals?

Towards the end of his life, Astaroth kept animals in cages and searched for

spells that would make them more like humans.

The legend is that finally the animals rebelled at the experiment, killed

Astaroth, and stole many of his powers.

Including the star with the spell on it?

Possibly. They found a ship, sailed away... and were never heard of again.

However, there is a final notation in my half of the book saying that in the

17th century, a shipwrecked Lasker was taken from the sea, half mad with thirst

and exposure to the sun.

Before he died, he swore he had seen an island ruled by animals.

Where? There is, I regret to say, no such island. I looked for it in

every chart.

The Isle of Namungbu does not exist.

Oi, just two.

Got me an... What is he trying to say?

Nothing. When he don't say nothing, he burbles.

I wish the child to speak.

Oh, now you've done it.

There is two such a place.

Got me an book.

There. Real printed letters, ain't it?

Let me see it.

You're not interested, Bookman.

It's just a simple children's book.

I'll be the judge of that.

Give it to me.

No.

Please don't annoy me.

Give me the book, boy.

Not like you.

Bit of a stalemate, isn't it?

If it's all the same to you, I'd rather use my own sentiment, you know.

Come along, Paul. I believe it's time to go.

Go? How, my dear?

The door is locked.

Observe the fundamental weakness of the criminal mind.

You will believe no one or anything.

I understand.

The knob, Paul.

Right. Of course you do, my dear. Do you realize we can tell them the complete

truth? They will believe nothing.

He's up to something, you know.

Bookman, before your very eyes, I shall cause this bed and all the occupants

upon it to disappear.

Disappear? I should like to see a Chief Jack temperate entertainer do a trick

like that.

Chief Jack Entertainer. Now, that was naughty.

All right, Paul.

Where to?

To the island of Nabumbu. I'm very curious about that place.

Good.

Bed, take us to the island of Nabumbu.

Enough of this nonsense.

Get the book.

climate. I never did fancy the sea.

Where are we? The Boobercles.

I ain't never seen no island like this before.

I'm afraid we may have fallen into the lagoon.

Mr. Codfish, where is the island of Nabumbu? You mean the land part.

Oh, that.

Straight up. You can't miss it.

None of my business, of course.

But I shouldn't go there if I were you.

Having troubles, they are.

Troubles? He's right, you know. A lot of trouble.

Well, trouble or not, we should be getting along. I wish to see who is in

charge. What's the rush? It's really rather splendid down here.

For you, my dear.

Oh, thank you.

How pleasant, bobbing along, bobbing along on the bottom of the beautiful

briny sea.

What a chance to get to bed to peep at the plants and

creatures of the deep we glide.

Far below the rolling tide Serene

Through the bubbly blue and green It's

lovely bobbing along Bobbing along on the bottom of the beautiful

briny sea What if the octopus, the flounder and the

cod think we're rather odd?

It's fun to promenade, bobbing along, singing a song.

A chance to get a better peep at the plants and creatures of the deep.

It's grand when you're dancing on the sand.

Each glance bubbles over with romance.

It's lovely bobbing along, bobbing along through the water where we get along.

Swimmingly.

Far from the frenzy of the frantic world above.

Two beneath the blue.

Could even fall in love.

Bobbing along, singing a song.

I really got a whopper!

People!

People! Oh, no!

What scurvy luck!

My goodness!

I'll deal with this, my dear.

Don't you know that... Good day, Captain.

I used to be a bit of a seafaring man myself.

Many's the time I've shipped out of Portsmouth, delighted to meet a fellow

mariner.

Stow it, mate.

Oh, really?

Can't you read reading?

Huh?

It says, um, no peopling allowed.

No peopling allowed?

Ridiculous. Don't antagonize him, Mr. Brown. That means I gotta throw you all

back. That's what it do.

Wait a minute.

It says here that anybody can see the king, and that's the law.

Where do it say that?

So it do.

What?

But if you people know what was good for you, you'd get yourselves all... Thrown

back. The king don't like people.

Nonetheless, we must see the king on an urgent personal matter.

Please lead the way.

Uh -huh. But just don't say I didn't warn you. See?

Follow me.

You're all from some clipper that fought... Thank you.

for you.

I caught some people down at the sea lagoon.

They want to see the king.

Really? Well, we can't be bothered with that sort of thing now, can we?

I don't know that I fancied this.

His majesty is in a frightful rage.

Excuse me, sir. As an all -round entertainer of sorts, I am considered

without talent.

Perhaps I can cheer him up?

No, no, no, no, no. You don't understand.

As everyone knows, His Majesty is the world's greatest soccer player.

But due to a technical problem, the Royal Cup match cannot take place today.

And His Majesty had so set his heart on it.

Throw these...

Oh, creatures, back into the sea.

Aye, sir.

Just a moment. I can help.

Do you really think so?

I'd be most grateful.

Do you know soccer?

Do I know anything about soccer?

Why, I was captain of Tottenham Hotspurs for two years.

Three seasons with Manchester United.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, you do.

Come this way, please.

Mr. Brown, are you certain you'll be all right?

Not an ideal person in many respects, but Mr. Brown is a very brave man.

You think he's dumb, folks?

Do you think so?

I can't tell you how I appreciate this.

For some reason, we have great difficulty finding referees round

here. If there be one thing we like, it's volunteers.

Eh, birdie?

He's a proper king.

Look at his crown.

What's he got round his neck?

What a magnificent ornament, sire.

Wouldn't be without it. Been in the family for years.

The star of Astaroth.

You're to sit in his majesty's royal box. No littering, no chewing, no fruit

wrappers from royal sweets. Please.

Rise, please.

Loyal fans, this is official.

We have a volunteer.

Thank you so much. Oh, please, let me help you on with your row.

Why, yes, thank you, thank you, yes.

Can't have you catching cold, sire, can we?

Why, no, no.

Have you ever heard of something called the gypsy switch?

No, can't say that I have.

Remind me to tell you about it sometime.

I can't tell you when you've had such a good time. We'll carry the memory of

your majesty in our hearts for a long while. I think it's time to leave.

I must you go.

A marvelous game.

Lovely to see you. Goodbye.

Goodbye. Goodbye.

Goodbye. Goodbye.

Friendly lot.

Don't mind visiting.

Wouldn't want them living here.

Come along, children.

Come on, children. Hurry up.

Stop gibbering. What's the matter with you?

Your royal star.

They've stolen your royal star.

Don't be ridiculous. What do you think?

Thematic words.

I'll keep it. Women always lose things.

I don't suppose I shall ever get used to this thing.

Children, will you push the bed back into place, please?

I think we could all do with a nice cup of tea.

Oh, no time for that. I've gone to a lot of trouble to find this spell. I'm

going to try it immediately.

Mr. Brown, kindly let me have your shoes, please.

Oh,

fine. What's that shoes for?

Really, Charles, if you'd been paying attention, I should think you'd be aware

that substitutionary locomotion is the art of causing inanimate objects to take

on a life force of their own.

Obviously, I must have inanimate objects to experiment with.

Makes sense, Valnet.

Stand back, everyone. I need plenty of room.

I want you all to be absolutely quiet.

Mr. Brown?

You have the star of Astaroth, I believe.

Oh, yes.

It's in my nice, clean hanky.

It's all right, Mr. Brown.

I should have realized that it would be quite impossible to take an object from

one world into another.

If only I would have had the sense to remember the words on that...

the words, Miss Price. Don't bother, Miss Price. She's thinking.

Charlie, why don't you and I nip down to the village and get something for

supper? And I might conceivably call into the pub for a pint to steady my

nerves.

Tribona. I do know the words, Miss Price. How can you know the words when

Price doesn't?

Troop movements and massing of barges in French and Dutch channel ports.

The Prime Minister has told the nation... to be on the alert for signs

possible invasion.

That was the news.

To think I might have been able to do something about all this.

It's out of your hands now, my dear.

Only I could have remembered those words. It's maddening.

Why don't someone ask me?

Come off it, Paul. You can't remember those kind of words.

You mean like... Traguna macoides trachorum satis D?

Traguna macoides trachorum satis D?

was there in your book all the time.

Yeah, but nobody ever listens to me.

Preguna, Macoides, Pecorum, Satis Dei.

Nothing happens.

Am I doing something wrong?

Well, to tell you the truth, it does seem a bit old -fashioned. After all, we

are in the 20th century.

What do you suggest?

Well, it needs rhythm, tempo, music.

As I always say, do it with a flair.

Do you mind if I have a go?

Oh, of course not.

Now come along, you lot. We need all the help we can get.

Substitutiary locomotion, come to me. Shhh.

Now.

Triguna.

Macoides.

Tricorum satis di.

Car.

Macoides and Tricorum satis di. I don't know.

Macoides and Tricorum.

Thank you.

You've made

substitutionary history

with Draguna, McCoy, and a little help from me.

What is going on here?

I haven't the foggiest.

Oh,

shall we?

That's my nightgown.

Is it really, my dear?

Listen, I'm not responsible for its behavior.

Obviously not, my dear.

What on earth are you doing?

I'm the judge of time, that's what.

How can we stop all this?

Must we? It's really most agreeable. Yes, but we must do something.

Didn't I give you my all -purpose cut -off spell?

Yes, number eight. Number eight. Yes, number eight, I think it was.

Oi, me Sunday trousers!

Buzz off, old chap. Find your own dancing partner.

Sausages and mash. No more for me, thank you. Oh, Carrie?

It was very good, but I've already had two helpings.

I'm full.

Me too.

Well, at least somebody wants some.

Cheer up, my dear.

This should be something of a celebration.

I'm sorry, but there doesn't seem to be much to celebrate.

I still haven't mastered that spell.

Of course you have. You just need a little more practice, that's all.

Do you really think so?

No doubt about it.

Meantime, there's nothing to liven the spirits like a little master juggling.

Right, Charlie?

Go on, then, Gus. Give us some juggling.

Very few better than me at this.

All you need is 20 years' practice and a touch of genius.

Never happened to me before.

I don't usually juggle with cats under my feet.

Don't stop, my dear. I've just come by to bring you the good news.

Good news? Yes, yes, Mr.

Bissellfwaiter brings the milk, you know.

Well, he's promised to take the children in. He and his wife have got that farm

just the place for growing children.

Put a bit of color back in their cheeks.

Why, what's the matter?

I thought you'd be pleased.

You told me yourself that you were much too busy. You had no time to take care

of children.

Circumstances have changed somewhat.

That's right. We've got a dad now.

Mr. Brown.

Price, is this true?

Of course.

You do want him to stay with us, don't you, Miss Price?

I suppose I hadn't really thought about it.

What about him?

What do you say about it, Mr. Brown?

Well, it's all rather sudden.

I don't quite know what to say.

Oh, then I'll leave you two to talk it over. Oh, I'll come back in the morning.

Yes, good night.

Good night.

Good night.

It's true, Mr. Brown. You are going to be our father now, aren't you?

Oh, yes.

We are rather rushing things, aren't we?

Perhaps Mr. Brown has other things besides you children to think about.

Yes, well, as a matter of fact, I should have left ages ago. I must get a train

back to London tonight. It's rather an important matter, as a matter of fact.

I'd like to tell you about it, but it's...

A little bit hush -hush, you know.

Sort of a secret.

Well, uh, if, uh... If I've been any sort of help to you,

I'm pleased.

You've been immensely kind.

Thank you.

I've enjoyed being with you.

Perhaps it's been good for all of us.

Will you be coming back?

Someday, my dear. I certainly hope that we shall meet again.

Someday.

When all this war business is over.

I see.

And then perhaps I shall realize my fondest dream.

Eglantine and Aemilius.

Illusionists extraordinary.

You think how that'll look on the poster, huh?

The children are going to miss you.

You really think they will?

Yes.

Well, I shall miss you.

All of you.

If I don't go now, you might never get rid of me.

Goodbye, Karen.

Must you really go?

Yes, I think it's best, everybody.

Goodbye, Paul.

I still think you should be our father.

Goodbye, Charlie.

Do you want me to come down to the station with you?

No, no.

No, you stay here and look after everybody.

Goodbye, Miss Price.

Goodbye, Mr. Brown.

When is the next train to London, please?

Lord bless you, sir, there ain't no train.

Not until milk job, 4 a .m. tomorrow morning. Mind if I wait in here? You

yourself. Good night, sir.

Good night.

curvy in that house at this very moment.

For once in your useless life, you rarely seem to have been needed.

You're a failure of me, Miss Verlaine.

And a coward.

No, Verlaine, this is not the invasion. Just a little exercise.

A minor raid to induce panic and to spread a little mischief. When you

get it through your head that the German forces can land at will whenever and

wherever we please, perhaps you will consider a reasonable peace.

No!

It's very tempting.

Colonel, how would you feel about being turned into a nice white rabbit?

I said, how would you feel about being turned into a nice white rabbit?

Be quiet, please.

Delivery, apogee, apogee.

Not again.

Your memory, Miss Price.

Charles, would you come? Finally fetch my notebook from the workroom, please.

Raus! Hey, you louse poop!

Here, bring it!

Vorlein, we have work to do. I am sorry, but I must send all of you someplace

where you will no longer be a nuisance.

All I need to succeed in my plan is

a champion plan with a fly -chamber plan.

Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah.

Where's the spell for rabbits?

Easiest of all, she says.

Confounded. Can't women ever learn to file things properly?

Off, Mahon!

Pelligree, apogee, pedigree, pedigree. That's it.

Off, Bragman!

Pelligree. Good.

Apogee, pedigree, pedigree.

Now, come along, my boy.

Just for once in your life, you've got to believe in something.

Good lad.

Billy Green.

Apogee. Pettigree.

the use of putting the children and me in that drafty castle.

It's quite chilly, you know. Because Fräulein, the Colonel, believes when a

British female decides to become a nuisance, she can become the greatest

nuisance in the world. And I'm inclined to agree with him.

I'm afraid you need a lesson in manners, Sergeant. If I only had my notebook,

I'd make certain you'd learn a few...

Try holding your breath. I am holding it. We could strip him down and grease

with soap.

to give the alarm, we'll just have to think of something else.

What about that spell that makes things move about?

Oh, but I need weapons.

How about all these things?

I'm afraid they're a bit ancient.

Where did this come from?

It's Mr. Brown, that's who it is.

Oh, he's on his way to London.

Mr. Brown?

If you are Mr. Brown, would you be kind enough to get down off my lap?

It is, Mr.

Brown.

It is you.

You didn't think that I could do that spell, did you?

I am glad to see you.

But what about all these Germans?

Well, as Charlie says, what's wrong with a substitutionary locomotion spell?

That ought to be useful.

No, but it isn't ready yet. You saw what happened this afternoon.

Well, we had to chance it. We can't let these so -and -sos get away with a

beastly little raid.

Mr. Brown, won't you get up off the floor, and we'll go to work.

Herr Oberst, die Brücken sind fertig zu sprengen.

Die Eisenbahnschienen, die Uferstraße und die Molle sind fertig zu sprengen,

Herr Oberst.

Gut, wir sprengen in zehn Minuten.

Sehen Sie zu, dass alle Leute in Sicherheit sind.

Wir treffen uns planmäßig in zehn Minuten.

Charlie, good luck, my dear. Thank you, Amelius.

You haven't forgotten the spell, Miss Brown. Oh, not this time, Charlie.

in the castle.

Probably not a magic broom, but it might make you feel more at home. Well, thank

you, Carrie. That was very thoughtful of you. Good night, children. Let's get

out of Miss Price's way.

He'll be a trick. A good trick.

I don't like your blood, Miller. I skip kind of action.

Sound the advance.

Just in time for the kickoff.

Steady on the left.

Victory for England and St.

George!

Parkman, hold your distance.

Let's do this.

Roadster. Come on, lads. Off to me.

Mm -hmm.

Thank you.

damaged you.

See? No one can hurt Miss Price.

There they are, lads.

I said somebody was afoot.

All right.

Drive them into the sea. Fire in position, you brothers. Both sides.

tragic all your spells your equipment all gone still i was able to perform

small service first that mean you ain't gonna be a witch no more never no paul i

realized some time ago that i could never be a proper witch when was that

that first magic moment when you laid eyes on me no it was the day my poison

dragon's liver arrived I knew then that anyone who felt the way I did about

poisoned dragon's liver had no business being a witch.

You're certain you're doing the right thing?

Well, I think so. The way things are, it's much too dangerous being a

Take care of yourself, Guff.

I'll do that.

And I'll be back before you've grown an inch taller.

We'll be together again.

Sounds like you have an escort to the station.

We'll be right back.