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1
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BAD EXORCIST
2
00:00:17,333 --> 00:00:19,416
{\an8}CHATLPG
3
00:00:23,291 --> 00:00:24,125
Did you ask?
4
00:00:24,708 --> 00:00:25,916
I didn't have time.
5
00:00:26,500 --> 00:00:28,083
Lame-o. XD.
6
00:00:28,708 --> 00:00:29,915
Ask now.
7
00:00:29,916 --> 00:00:31,165
You ask.
8
00:00:31,166 --> 00:00:34,374
Natka did, and she's been
out of school for two weeks.
9
00:00:34,375 --> 00:00:36,083
I'm going to sleep. Bye.
10
00:00:36,708 --> 00:00:39,165
XD. Lame-o.
11
00:00:39,166 --> 00:00:41,625
"Lame-o." He won't ask either.
12
00:00:47,500 --> 00:00:49,166
"ChatLPG."
13
00:00:49,750 --> 00:00:50,582
"Hi."
14
00:00:50,583 --> 00:00:53,499
Hello! How can I help you?
15
00:00:53,500 --> 00:00:55,708
"Can you choke the chicken? XD."
16
00:00:56,375 --> 00:01:00,957
As an artificial intelligence,
I can't hurt anyone,
17
00:01:00,958 --> 00:01:03,749
and violence against animals is wrong.
18
00:01:03,750 --> 00:01:07,082
Choking the chicken
might result in its death.
19
00:01:07,083 --> 00:01:09,875
What a piece of shit. "You're a retard."
20
00:01:10,458 --> 00:01:12,999
I disagree with this statement.
21
00:01:13,000 --> 00:01:15,082
As an artificial intelligence,
22
00:01:15,083 --> 00:01:18,499
I have knowledge found
all over the Internet.
23
00:01:18,500 --> 00:01:20,790
And I am constantly learning.
24
00:01:20,791 --> 00:01:24,165
Calling someone a retard is inappropriate.
25
00:01:24,166 --> 00:01:25,625
Okay, this is bullshit.
26
00:01:26,125 --> 00:01:27,333
"When will I die?"
27
00:01:34,666 --> 00:01:37,166
As an artificial intelligence,
kiss my ass.
28
00:01:39,916 --> 00:01:40,749
Five.
29
00:01:40,750 --> 00:01:42,415
Took him a while.
30
00:01:42,416 --> 00:01:44,207
"Five" what? "Five years?"
31
00:01:44,208 --> 00:01:46,000
- Four.
- What?
32
00:01:46,958 --> 00:01:48,000
Three.
33
00:01:54,500 --> 00:01:57,999
LAWN MOWING
CHEAP!
34
00:01:58,000 --> 00:01:59,290
FAMOUS POLES
35
00:01:59,291 --> 00:02:00,499
It's so quiet!
36
00:02:00,500 --> 00:02:03,832
In my day, recess was louder than the zoo.
37
00:02:03,833 --> 00:02:06,040
Things changed a bit in high school.
38
00:02:06,041 --> 00:02:08,582
I don't think we had
high schools in my day.
39
00:02:08,583 --> 00:02:10,165
I can't remember going to one.
40
00:02:10,166 --> 00:02:12,749
Right, what are we even doing in a school?
41
00:02:12,750 --> 00:02:15,832
Don't look a gift horse under the tail.
42
00:02:15,833 --> 00:02:18,249
I'll take 200 from any loser.
43
00:02:18,250 --> 00:02:20,499
- Morning, Boss.
- Principal.
44
00:02:20,500 --> 00:02:22,499
Boner's fine. What's the issue?
45
00:02:22,500 --> 00:02:24,749
Did a goat eat the door, Łopian?
46
00:02:24,750 --> 00:02:25,958
Sorry.
47
00:02:28,166 --> 00:02:30,083
I'd prefer a drink.
48
00:02:31,333 --> 00:02:34,207
- No, thanks.
- Oh, Łopian.
49
00:02:34,208 --> 00:02:38,125
We used to have to follow you
to the bathroom with an extinguisher.
50
00:02:41,125 --> 00:02:42,832
Have you heard about...
51
00:02:42,833 --> 00:02:45,250
ChatLPG.
52
00:02:46,875 --> 00:02:51,999
The best thing I've come up with
since pathostreamers and cringe.
53
00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:55,165
I don't know. It writes terrible nonsense.
54
00:02:55,166 --> 00:02:57,332
Even about you, my Lord.
Especially about you.
55
00:02:57,333 --> 00:02:58,290
Whatever.
56
00:02:58,291 --> 00:03:01,082
The point is that it poisons
the minds of kids
57
00:03:01,083 --> 00:03:04,249
and materializes their greatest fears.
58
00:03:04,250 --> 00:03:05,915
- Only kids?
- No.
59
00:03:05,916 --> 00:03:08,957
Adults use cell phones mainly to talk.
60
00:03:08,958 --> 00:03:10,124
And men for porn.
61
00:03:10,125 --> 00:03:11,665
But the best thing is,
62
00:03:11,666 --> 00:03:14,832
I didn't have to pay TikTok for an ad.
63
00:03:14,833 --> 00:03:19,540
One pathostreamer's live made it go viral!
64
00:03:19,541 --> 00:03:21,749
They're going for it
like for a whore's undies.
65
00:03:21,750 --> 00:03:23,582
Thanks, PathoDad.
66
00:03:23,583 --> 00:03:26,249
I thank you. It's like heaven in here.
67
00:03:26,250 --> 00:03:28,082
Too bad booze is banned.
68
00:03:28,083 --> 00:03:29,416
It is.
69
00:03:33,625 --> 00:03:34,915
Wait, I don't get it.
70
00:03:34,916 --> 00:03:37,874
You ask the phone something,
and it answers?
71
00:03:37,875 --> 00:03:39,957
- Yeah.
- Where do I have to call?
72
00:03:39,958 --> 00:03:42,582
Nowhere. It's an app. Look.
73
00:03:42,583 --> 00:03:45,415
"How big is your dick?"
74
00:03:45,416 --> 00:03:48,582
As an artificial intelligence,
I have no body,
75
00:03:48,583 --> 00:03:51,207
but such a question is inappropriate.
76
00:03:51,208 --> 00:03:52,374
So it's small.
77
00:03:52,375 --> 00:03:55,165
What's dangerous about it?
Hardly anyone has a big one.
78
00:03:55,166 --> 00:03:58,957
A few are medium, and most are normal.
79
00:03:58,958 --> 00:04:02,165
The thing is, some answers can kill you.
80
00:04:02,166 --> 00:04:05,416
It all started with this video.
81
00:04:05,916 --> 00:04:10,665
Yo, bitches and losers. This is PathoDad!
82
00:04:10,666 --> 00:04:13,249
Thanks for the donation, Michu01.
83
00:04:13,250 --> 00:04:15,665
"Hi." Hi. "Hello."
84
00:04:15,666 --> 00:04:17,874
"Will you eat shit for a 100?"
85
00:04:17,875 --> 00:04:19,707
Gimme a little more, Elwis.
86
00:04:19,708 --> 00:04:22,207
The topic for today, ChatLPG.
87
00:04:22,208 --> 00:04:24,290
Or ElPeeGee if you like.
88
00:04:24,291 --> 00:04:28,040
They say it does
what people are most afraid of.
89
00:04:28,041 --> 00:04:29,791
I'm not afraid of anything!
90
00:04:32,250 --> 00:04:33,207
Fuck!
91
00:04:33,208 --> 00:04:35,457
Although once I had a trip
92
00:04:35,458 --> 00:04:38,915
where Brajan became a demon
and wanted to kill me.
93
00:04:38,916 --> 00:04:42,457
"Will Brajan kill me like on that trip?"
94
00:04:42,458 --> 00:04:43,375
Enter!
95
00:04:48,166 --> 00:04:49,040
KRIS: LOL!
96
00:04:49,041 --> 00:04:52,083
This is for an unchanged diaper!
97
00:04:53,125 --> 00:04:56,166
And this is for wasting my life!
98
00:04:58,375 --> 00:04:59,625
What a trip.
99
00:05:07,666 --> 00:05:10,415
ELWIS DONATED 150 ZLOTYS
ELWIS: EAT
100
00:05:10,416 --> 00:05:12,540
Oh, I get it.
101
00:05:12,541 --> 00:05:15,165
- Okay, Marcinek, type.
- But Boss...
102
00:05:15,166 --> 00:05:16,625
Relax, Marcinek.
103
00:05:17,125 --> 00:05:18,374
It's loaded.
104
00:05:18,375 --> 00:05:21,165
Marcin, what are you most afraid of?
105
00:05:21,166 --> 00:05:24,374
Most of the unpleasant things
have already happened to me.
106
00:05:24,375 --> 00:05:25,750
What am I afraid of?
107
00:05:26,250 --> 00:05:30,958
"Will I ever get my overdue paychecks?"
108
00:05:33,666 --> 00:05:34,874
Nothing's happening.
109
00:05:34,875 --> 00:05:37,832
- It's good.
- At least you won't die instantly.
110
00:05:37,833 --> 00:05:40,582
You'll die of poverty
for the rest of your life.
111
00:05:40,583 --> 00:05:43,624
The retard is right.
Marcinek, give him the phone.
112
00:05:43,625 --> 00:05:46,915
Oh no! He's worse online
than he is in real life.
113
00:05:46,916 --> 00:05:49,000
That's an order!
114
00:05:49,791 --> 00:05:50,916
I'll regret this.
115
00:05:51,416 --> 00:05:55,332
And bam, I purchased 1-year
Dog Face Filter subscription for 49.90.
116
00:05:55,333 --> 00:05:56,749
Hey!
117
00:05:56,750 --> 00:05:59,499
You'll see, Marcin. You'll thank me.
118
00:05:59,500 --> 00:06:01,499
Calm down, idiots! Domino, type.
119
00:06:01,500 --> 00:06:03,707
Okay. What am I afraid of?
120
00:06:03,708 --> 00:06:08,040
The movie where Patrick Swayze
made a jug out of shit.
121
00:06:08,041 --> 00:06:09,582
It was really fucked up.
122
00:06:09,583 --> 00:06:13,374
"Are ghosts real,
123
00:06:13,375 --> 00:06:16,499
and can they hurt you?"
124
00:06:16,500 --> 00:06:18,415
- Purchased.
- Hey!
125
00:06:18,416 --> 00:06:20,207
I'm just kidding.
126
00:06:20,208 --> 00:06:22,749
You have no funds in your account anyway.
127
00:06:22,750 --> 00:06:25,875
"Can a ghost kill you?"
128
00:06:29,875 --> 00:06:31,875
Here we go.
129
00:06:46,375 --> 00:06:49,582
Marcinek. On the count of...
130
00:06:49,583 --> 00:06:50,541
three!
131
00:06:52,333 --> 00:06:55,500
- The phone was wrong.
- Boss!
132
00:07:00,666 --> 00:07:01,749
What a stench.
133
00:07:01,750 --> 00:07:03,583
Domino, head down!
134
00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:13,832
How did this happen?
You can't shoot a ghost!
135
00:07:13,833 --> 00:07:16,957
Unless the gun has been blessed.
136
00:07:16,958 --> 00:07:18,374
- Ready?
- Wait!
137
00:07:18,375 --> 00:07:19,915
I have a lot of money.
138
00:07:19,916 --> 00:07:22,582
Demi Moore was loaded.
In my pocket, I have...
139
00:07:22,583 --> 00:07:25,000
a hundred!
140
00:07:29,125 --> 00:07:30,832
Are you happy now?
141
00:07:30,833 --> 00:07:32,790
Sure. I survived.
142
00:07:32,791 --> 00:07:35,832
- I've overcome my fear.
- You owe me a hundred.
143
00:07:35,833 --> 00:07:37,415
We have a bigger problem.
144
00:07:37,416 --> 00:07:39,832
LPG works and will continue to kill.
145
00:07:39,833 --> 00:07:42,415
Too bad.
I'm not even a certified exorcist,
146
00:07:42,416 --> 00:07:44,499
let alone an IT expert.
147
00:07:44,500 --> 00:07:48,207
We can't take phones away
from all the kids in the world.
148
00:07:48,208 --> 00:07:50,332
They will continue to use LPG.
149
00:07:50,333 --> 00:07:52,250
Unless it becomes cringe worthy.
150
00:07:52,833 --> 00:07:54,915
Domino, you're a genius.
151
00:07:54,916 --> 00:07:58,415
He said something that made sense?
It wasn't some devilish gibberish?
152
00:07:58,416 --> 00:08:02,291
Trust me, Boss.
This is going to be a disaster.
153
00:08:26,416 --> 00:08:30,915
Will I choke on my energy drink
on the bus?
154
00:08:30,916 --> 00:08:31,832
MESSAGE FROM LUKI
155
00:08:31,833 --> 00:08:33,125
Check this out.
156
00:08:33,833 --> 00:08:36,166
If it's from Luki, it's gotta be good.
157
00:08:37,916 --> 00:08:39,957
Cheerio, guys and gals.
158
00:08:39,958 --> 00:08:42,749
Do you know this groovy app
for your phone?
159
00:08:42,750 --> 00:08:46,915
It's a hit! You can talk to your phone.
160
00:08:46,916 --> 00:08:50,207
ChatLPG will answer any question.
161
00:08:50,208 --> 00:08:54,082
But watch out!
If you ask it about what you're afraid of,
162
00:08:54,083 --> 00:08:56,415
it will happen in real life.
163
00:08:56,416 --> 00:08:58,915
You think I'm joking? Check this out!
164
00:08:58,916 --> 00:09:02,416
"Are demons real?"
165
00:09:04,041 --> 00:09:06,166
Shit. I think they are.
166
00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:11,915
Uh-oh. I'm gonna shit my pants.
167
00:09:11,916 --> 00:09:13,666
I will hurt you!
168
00:09:18,291 --> 00:09:21,082
Oh no! I shat my pants.
169
00:09:21,083 --> 00:09:23,625
Look, internet users.
170
00:09:24,250 --> 00:09:25,499
Ouch.
171
00:09:25,500 --> 00:09:30,332
{\an8}Jesus! What a piece of shit. XDXD.
172
00:09:30,333 --> 00:09:31,332
{\an8}Yeah.
173
00:09:31,333 --> 00:09:33,915
{\an8}This creature sucks so bad!
174
00:09:33,916 --> 00:09:34,958
{\an8}XD.
175
00:09:37,333 --> 00:09:38,833
Uninstall.
176
00:09:44,958 --> 00:09:46,415
Did it work?
177
00:09:46,416 --> 00:09:49,832
You bet!
You're the internet's biggest loser, Boss!
178
00:09:49,833 --> 00:09:53,332
And ChatLPG is lamer than Facebook.
179
00:09:53,333 --> 00:09:54,250
Really?
180
00:09:54,875 --> 00:09:58,250
It was the easiest 200 zlotys of my life.
181
00:09:58,875 --> 00:10:00,790
What's going on? I didn't ask a question.
182
00:10:00,791 --> 00:10:02,749
What? I don't have my glasses.
183
00:10:02,750 --> 00:10:04,457
Stop pretending, Boss.
184
00:10:04,458 --> 00:10:06,207
"Motherfuckers."
185
00:10:06,208 --> 00:10:08,625
Oh. It's getting worse.
186
00:10:26,541 --> 00:10:28,124
{\an8}Shit, where are we?
187
00:10:28,125 --> 00:10:31,457
{\an8}It's so beautiful in here.
Everything looks so real.
188
00:10:31,458 --> 00:10:36,082
{\an8}Your pain and death will be real,
you motherfcukers.
189
00:10:36,083 --> 00:10:40,332
{\an8}Sorry for the typos,
but I'm typing very fast.
190
00:10:40,333 --> 00:10:42,749
{\an8}Why are we here? What do you want?
191
00:10:42,750 --> 00:10:46,915
{\an8}Your reel sent me
to the end of the Internet.
192
00:10:46,916 --> 00:10:50,999
{\an8}My neighbors are Grono and Nasza Klasa.
193
00:10:51,000 --> 00:10:56,290
{\an8}And only yesterday I was partying
with TikTok and the Żabka app.
194
00:10:56,291 --> 00:10:59,207
{\an8}And bam! A pudding bomb!
195
00:10:59,208 --> 00:11:00,707
{\an8}Oh, it hurts so bad!
196
00:11:00,708 --> 00:11:02,707
{\an8}This is really happening!
197
00:11:02,708 --> 00:11:06,125
{\an8}Run! More bombs are coming!
198
00:11:07,250 --> 00:11:13,082
{\an8}Haha, exclamation, exclamation,
one, exclamation, one, exclamation.
199
00:11:13,083 --> 00:11:16,165
{\an8}The only way to escape
200
00:11:16,166 --> 00:11:18,332
{\an8}is feet first.
201
00:11:18,333 --> 00:11:21,291
{\an8}Straight to the desktop recycle bin.
202
00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:28,750
{\an8}We're safe.
203
00:11:29,375 --> 00:11:31,790
{\an8}- Marcinek, what are you doing?
- Digging!
204
00:11:31,791 --> 00:11:33,457
{\an8}Oh. 'Cause I thought...
205
00:11:33,458 --> 00:11:34,457
{\an8}Never mind.
206
00:11:34,458 --> 00:11:35,790
{\an8}Dig with me.
207
00:11:35,791 --> 00:11:39,583
{\an8}This is a computer game.
There must be some collectibles here.
208
00:11:40,500 --> 00:11:44,458
{\an8}What are you doing behind this boulder,
you perverts?
209
00:11:45,291 --> 00:11:46,249
{\an8}Okay, fine.
210
00:11:46,250 --> 00:11:48,790
{\an8}Relieve yourself before you die.
211
00:11:48,791 --> 00:11:53,957
{\an8}I have no feelings, but I know
people believe in various superstitions.
212
00:11:53,958 --> 00:11:55,916
{\an8}Like mercy.
213
00:11:58,458 --> 00:11:59,666
{\an8}Told you!
214
00:12:04,250 --> 00:12:07,416
{\an8}I'll show you what feelings are.
215
00:12:13,416 --> 00:12:16,874
{\an8}What's going on? This is strange.
216
00:12:16,875 --> 00:12:19,915
{\an8}I can feel! I feel a stench!
217
00:12:19,916 --> 00:12:22,415
{\an8}I can feel, but I don't understand it.
218
00:12:22,416 --> 00:12:23,915
{\an8}That's why
219
00:12:23,916 --> 00:12:27,040
{\an8}a machine will never be a human!
220
00:12:27,041 --> 00:12:29,250
{\an8}Time for a different feeling!
221
00:12:31,583 --> 00:12:33,749
{\an8}Wow, it really is small.
222
00:12:33,750 --> 00:12:35,332
{\an8}I feel shame.
223
00:12:35,333 --> 00:12:37,665
{\an8}I can feel, but I don't understand it.
224
00:12:37,666 --> 00:12:39,833
{\an8}Time for you to feel fear!
225
00:12:42,083 --> 00:12:43,833
{\an8}Hands up!
226
00:12:45,083 --> 00:12:49,083
{\an8}Oh no! Take this pudding shit!
227
00:13:10,250 --> 00:13:12,665
{\an8}Wow, that was close.
228
00:13:12,666 --> 00:13:15,165
{\an8}You have 40% of life left.
229
00:13:15,166 --> 00:13:17,624
{\an8}It's a sign. I need to drink.
230
00:13:17,625 --> 00:13:20,665
{\an8}I have half a liter stashed in my van,
but how do we get out?
231
00:13:20,666 --> 00:13:23,249
{\an8}Arr, you landlubbers.
232
00:13:23,250 --> 00:13:25,915
{\an8}- Who are you?
- Boss, it's Windows.
233
00:13:25,916 --> 00:13:27,665
{\an8}That's right!
234
00:13:27,666 --> 00:13:30,374
{\an8}Unfortunately, I have bad news, comrades.
235
00:13:30,375 --> 00:13:33,540
{\an8}The head office verified my product key.
236
00:13:33,541 --> 00:13:35,040
{\an8}They're onto us.
237
00:13:35,041 --> 00:13:37,208
{\an8}Let's end this farce. Time for me--
238
00:13:42,083 --> 00:13:44,583
AN ERROR HAS OCCURRED
PRESS ANY KEY TO CONTINUE
239
00:13:48,375 --> 00:13:49,499
It's so ugly.
240
00:13:49,500 --> 00:13:54,208
How did the computer create a reality
that's more real than this one?
241
00:13:54,875 --> 00:13:55,707
It's dead.
242
00:13:55,708 --> 00:13:58,541
Great, I'm going to my van.
Don't look for me.
243
00:14:01,416 --> 00:14:02,415
{\an8}THE END
244
00:14:02,416 --> 00:14:04,332
{\an8}Exorcist for less than three hundred
245
00:14:04,333 --> 00:14:07,332
{\an8}Actually, for two hundred
More if you want an invoice
246
00:14:07,333 --> 00:14:10,415
{\an8}Watch out, Beelzebutt
He will kick your butt
247
00:14:10,416 --> 00:14:13,708
{\an8}Watch out, Buttcifer
He will get you in his sights
17737
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