Original subtitles

BAD EXORCIST

THE FIGO FAGOT BROTHERS

CONTRACT

You could have asked for anything.

Longevity, wealth,

I don't know, roof repairs, or even talent.

And you want that?

I don't care. It's none of my business,

but seriously? Disco polo?

Fagot, why don't we rethink this?

- There's this new thing... - No rap!

He went to Siedlce twice, and now he's a townie.

They gave you ideas. What's next?

A tattoo? Long hair?

Fellas.

Okay, we confirm it.

We want to be the best disco polo band in the world.

THE BEST DISCO POLO BAND IN THE WORLD

So the best disco polo doesn't even have to be good,

and it'll still beat the competition.

Okay, just sign, and you're done.

Shit.

Jesus!

You could use a pen. It's not the Middle Ages.

Done.

- That's it? - Grab your keyboards, boys.

Wait, let me go to Hell!

I can't listen to this. I'm sober!

Domino, now!

I knew it. Marcinek, now!

I'll burn it all down with matches!

And throw the cigarette butt at the curtain!

Little Match Girl, what are you doing?

Get a grip!

You'll burn down this historic theater!

I want to burn a lot more.

Bad people let me freeze to death in the street,

so now I'll burn the shit out of them.

For two hundred years I've been training on haystacks and garbage sheds.

Finally, I'm ready to burn down Żyrardów.

Damn, I ran out of matches. Whatever.

Magic!

You're dead!

Check this out!

Just a minute.

Magic!

This is our chance. Domino, help me!

How can such a tiny guy be so heavy?

The human body is mostly fluids, and he's not idle in this matter.

I can't believe it! It never worked with the haystack.

Okay. Now...

the microphone stand. Magic!

Where are you going?

We did our best,

but more important, we got rid of the demon.

As well as the theater.

Relax. A deal is a deal.

You only pay for the girl.

Don't you understand what I'm saying, man?

The entire cultural heritage of Żyrardów went up in smoke.

Who goes to the theater these days?

A nice lot downtown...

A convenience or a liquor store will likely open here.

Something for everyone. 200 zlotys.

Boss, sometimes I think that we're doing more harm than good.

We should be called A Bear's Favor.

Shut up, you moron.

Have you seen a bear in Masovia?

We have boars, deer,

moose, they said on TV, but bears?

Bullshit.

No, I meant...

Whatever. Can I turn on the radio?

The best of disco polo!

Number three on our list is a radio favorite,

the Figo Fagot Brothers with their hit "Drink, my darling, la, la, li."

Oh no.

Hey, the Figo Fagot Brothers are funny.

What kind of primitive is amused

by the objectification of women and the affirmation of alcoholism?

Let's see.

- Like booze she put it in her mouth - Drink, my darling, drink

- Barely swallowed it down - La, la, lee, la, la, li

Drink, my darling, til the morning

Li, dee, da, dee Give me a kiss

Give me a kiss Li, dee, da, dee, li

We had King Marcin, we had King Radek, and now His Majesty Zenon reigns,

but he soon might have to give up the throne

to these two Jacks of the dance music.

- Disco polo. - We don't call it that anymore.

European Union, subsidies, etc.

...the dance music. Brothers Filip and Fabian.

Introduce yourselves.

- Fabian... - The Figo Fagot Brothers!

Weddings, events, communions, funerals, christenings!

Affordable prices. There's more!

Prices are negotiable. We'll make a deal.

Phone number: area code 25, 843-43--

No advertising, guys.

How do you like Siedlce?

Your shoes suggest you rarely visit the city.

...35. Very nice.

But living costs are higher

'cause in our village beer is 2.66, and here it's 2.68.

I even saw some for three...

Maybe the necessities are a little more expensive here,

but we have sewers, running water, electricity.

Filip!

Filip!

- Mom? - Who else, you lazy dimwit?

- Shame on you! - What?

Disgrace!

Uncle Wiesio had it and drank,

but it's unclear if it's the implant or his body soil that itched.

I have to pee.

RESTROOM

Shit.

I gotta think about this implant.

You should've thought about it when father and Wiesiek got it!

It was too late for them,

but at 15 you still had half your life ahead of you.

Mom, you're dead. What are you doing here?

You'd better get to work, you swindler,

and stop leading Fabian astray.

Selling your father's field for nothing? I'll get over it. I expected that.

But to sell your soul to the devil? Shame!

How do you know?

You don't think people gossip in Heaven?

It's the talk of the village!

Look how red my ears are! They're talking about me now!

That's 'cause they're jealous. Look.

My schedule has never been this full. Look, Thursday, Lemon F.D.

Saturday, a wedding. And that's just this month.

What's our last name?

- Come on, Mom. It's Barłoś. - Exactly!

Barłoś means "The one who carries the lamb, you fool!"

Get your soul back or...

You know what? I'm a grown man. I don't believe in ghosts. Goodbye.

Problem solved.

Who mopped here?

- Not me! - Me neither.

Who mopped here?

- I swear to God it's not me. - I swear on my paycheck.

It's the only place it's been done right.

Then it was me. You can even see a hoof.

Because you barged in when I was mopping.

You know what, Marcin? Shame on you. For a few zlotys...

Mr. Exorcist! Help!

A gho...

A ghost!

Renovation or de-demonization?

Renovation.

Of the soul.

Whatever, 200.

Unless you want an invoice, then it's more. Not worth it.

Domino, come on, you've seen ghosts before.

And you come from Hell. You're an evil force yourself.

It doesn't matter. Ever since I saw Ghost,

I believe in ghosts.

So what should I do? Kill those boys?

If they sold it, they sold it.

A soul down the drain.

Under consumer law, there is a 14-day return policy.

But it's the buyer's decision.

So what we have to do

is make the customer change his mind.

Do you warm up before the show?

Can't you see?

NATIVE 100%

We wouldn't mind if you found another one of these.

Fagot, look. We are number one in the world in disco polo.

- And in Poland? - Number four.

But it's getting better.

Right, yesterday we were number three.

Gentlemen, at 12 a.m. sharp, you get on stage and put on a show.

Technical question.

Real or fake mics?

Come on, man! Do we look like amateurs?

Fake of course!

Awesome.

LEMON F.D.

Boss, will he find us in this parking lot?

It's like a used car lot.

Marcinek, you dumbass, who comes to the disco in a van?

First, it's a village dance, not a disco.

And second, I've counted several. Even the band came in a van.

THE FIGO FAGOT BROTHERS

One-one, comm check. Domino, can you hear me?

Boss, I can't talk now. They're about to go on stage.

Figo Fagot, I love you.

Oh God, Jesus Christ How could you do that with...

Great. At least he won't disturb us today.

Are you Mr. Kwaśniewski and his son?

That's right.

Fuck, why here? It's the fourth van I approach!

What is this? A farmer's exchange?

You could say that. Get to the point.

The boy has learning difficulties.

I see. You want him to be smart?

So he could play smart? I want him rich!

Anyway, that's not why we're here.

Return the Figo Fagot brothers contracts, thief!

Oh no, this is a legitimate contract.

That's right. With a 14-day return policy.

I'm the buyer, and I won't return their souls.

Get lost, parodists.

Jammed shotgun, face punch, face punch and pissed pants.

Done. Date and signature.

Shit, it's jammed.

Marcinek, now!

Shit, what's going on? What am I doing?

Goodbye, Mr. Kwaśniewski.

Right, the shotgun's jammed.

Wait, I need a new appendix.

Ah, it's not that simple. It has to be backdated.

Marcinek, now!

Hey, how am I supposed to write contracts now?

Process a refund for the souls of the Figo Fagot brothers.

Fuck you! Maybe a verbal agreement works too?

Kick in the balls!

It doesn't.

When by the pond at Maniuś's place

- The rapeseed blooms - The rapeseed blooms!

- And the smell of urine is in the air - In the air

And vacationers from all over Poland Will flock here

Will flock here

And in the rapeseed rummages A gray horse!

A gray horse

That's what they called Bogdan

And naked in the rapeseed field

La, la, la, la on his lap

Domino, now!

Gray horse Why do you look away now?

Boss, I can't hear you!

No, please, I can't listen to this!

Please free my hands! I have to plug my ears!

First the brothers' souls!

Never! I made it through the '90s, I'll make it through this.

La, la, la, la Gray horse

Okay, I changed my mind. Kill me.

Cancel the contract first.

It's in my left pocket.

Done. Now please--

Thank you.

I will remember this for the rest of my life.

Done.

What now? The music hasn't changed.

Because disco polo is not music, Marcinek.

That's what half a liter sounds like.

You kept your end of the bargain, Exorcist.

Here's your payment.

Goodbye, see you.

Although, with you, it's... Farewell!

...knocked up Inviting you over when the summer ends

Magic!

Oh, it's concrete.

This will take a while to catch fire.

THE END

Exorcist for less than three hundred

Actually, for two hundred More if you want an invoice

Watch out, Beelzebutt He will kick your butt

Watch out, Buttcifer He will get you in his sights