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1
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BAD EXORCIST
2
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{\an8}Thirty years
of eighth-grade elementary school.
3
00:00:24,208 --> 00:00:26,665
One hundred years of high school.
4
00:00:26,666 --> 00:00:30,957
Private college done in two years,
including a Master's degree retention.
5
00:00:30,958 --> 00:00:34,207
Then 200 years of scientific research.
And what?
6
00:00:34,208 --> 00:00:37,499
All of it down the damn drain.
7
00:00:37,500 --> 00:00:39,207
Don't worry, Zygmunt.
8
00:00:39,208 --> 00:00:41,499
Not all the years of academia went here.
9
00:00:41,500 --> 00:00:43,457
Some of it stayed here.
10
00:00:43,458 --> 00:00:46,082
No one can take it away from us.
11
00:00:46,083 --> 00:00:50,040
I got more!
Damn, why is it taking so long?
12
00:00:50,041 --> 00:00:52,332
The Catholic control is coming.
13
00:00:52,333 --> 00:00:53,791
Okay, there's no time.
14
00:01:09,875 --> 00:01:11,999
So what exactly do you do here?
15
00:01:12,000 --> 00:01:14,207
Well, it's still just a theory.
16
00:01:14,208 --> 00:01:19,165
So far, our attempts to run the oscillator
have not yielded the expected results.
17
00:01:19,166 --> 00:01:22,332
Speak English, man,
'cause I'm losing my patience.
18
00:01:22,333 --> 00:01:25,833
We're exploring the possibility
of interdimensional travel.
19
00:01:26,583 --> 00:01:28,750
So tourism. Remove this cross!
20
00:01:32,750 --> 00:01:34,665
Just as I thought.
21
00:01:34,666 --> 00:01:36,499
What's the issue? It's there.
22
00:01:36,500 --> 00:01:39,332
Right. Since yesterday.
Where's the dust mark?
23
00:01:39,333 --> 00:01:42,915
The wall's been freshly painted
for the visit.
24
00:01:42,916 --> 00:01:46,415
What's fresh is the confirmation
you received yesterday.
25
00:01:46,416 --> 00:01:49,000
Didn't you think I'd check your email?
26
00:01:49,875 --> 00:01:52,166
Wait, don't hang it up yet.
27
00:01:53,458 --> 00:01:55,957
It's okay. I thought it was Batman
like at the hospital.
28
00:01:55,958 --> 00:01:57,415
I'll be blunt, boys.
29
00:01:57,416 --> 00:01:58,915
If I were mean,
30
00:01:58,916 --> 00:02:01,915
I'd fine you and close this dump.
31
00:02:01,916 --> 00:02:05,332
But since you've made an effort,
here's some incentive.
32
00:02:05,333 --> 00:02:08,332
Self-flagellation in front
of the penance camera.
33
00:02:08,333 --> 00:02:11,791
Thirty times each.
And keep doing what you're doing.
34
00:02:12,333 --> 00:02:13,541
Phew.
35
00:02:14,500 --> 00:02:16,291
I almost forgot. Your wallets.
36
00:02:21,583 --> 00:02:23,625
Fine. The carp scale's in there.
37
00:02:24,916 --> 00:02:27,540
Here it is in a drug baggie.
38
00:02:27,541 --> 00:02:29,750
But we're not the police. Thank you.
39
00:02:39,083 --> 00:02:43,040
Guys, come on.
That scale stuff was tricky.
40
00:02:43,041 --> 00:02:46,540
- I knew the names of the apostles.
- But he didn't.
41
00:02:46,541 --> 00:02:50,166
Besides Caspar, Melchior,
and Barabbas were not the apostles.
42
00:02:51,166 --> 00:02:54,540
We've had so many
beautiful moments at the institute.
43
00:02:54,541 --> 00:02:56,832
And I'm not just talking about booze.
44
00:02:56,833 --> 00:02:58,583
There were girls, too!
45
00:03:00,250 --> 00:03:01,791
Fuck it.
46
00:03:02,333 --> 00:03:05,375
Why not?
If you get fired, do it with a bang.
47
00:03:05,916 --> 00:03:06,750
Hi.
48
00:03:07,875 --> 00:03:10,416
What do you mean "where"?
To the institute.
49
00:03:11,916 --> 00:03:13,165
All of them.
50
00:03:13,166 --> 00:03:15,375
Right? All of them, arriba, caramba!
51
00:03:16,416 --> 00:03:18,416
Oh yeah? How much will it be?
52
00:03:19,500 --> 00:03:20,666
In that case, just one.
53
00:03:27,833 --> 00:03:29,833
I love science!
54
00:03:30,541 --> 00:03:31,665
I love you!
55
00:03:31,666 --> 00:03:34,666
Come sit on Uncle Ziggy's lap.
56
00:03:35,333 --> 00:03:38,249
And I'll bang you then
La, la, la
57
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No?
58
00:03:39,750 --> 00:03:41,249
Then I'll come to you.
59
00:03:41,250 --> 00:03:43,332
{\an8}No touching, buddy.
60
00:03:43,333 --> 00:03:44,250
Oh.
61
00:03:45,750 --> 00:03:48,415
{\an8}- Hello?
- The boss wants you to come back.
62
00:03:48,416 --> 00:03:50,332
{\an8}But it hasn't been an hour yet.
63
00:03:50,333 --> 00:03:53,665
She said the client won't realize it
in their state.
64
00:03:53,666 --> 00:03:56,583
Also, time under the influence
counts double.
65
00:03:57,291 --> 00:03:59,665
{\an8}Okay, gentlemen. Last dance.
66
00:03:59,666 --> 00:04:02,625
So let's heat things up a little.
67
00:04:04,000 --> 00:04:05,249
Does this light up?
68
00:04:05,250 --> 00:04:08,958
Don't touch it, it's an oscillator...
69
00:04:09,666 --> 00:04:10,791
So I guess it does.
70
00:04:11,583 --> 00:04:15,416
Don't bother. It doesn't work.
71
00:04:23,416 --> 00:04:25,500
It's so beautiful.
72
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I said, no touching!
73
00:04:46,250 --> 00:04:48,707
Ziggy, do you see this?
74
00:04:48,708 --> 00:04:51,291
The oscillator works. We did it--
75
00:04:53,333 --> 00:04:56,374
Who would've thought
that discovering a new world
76
00:04:56,375 --> 00:04:58,415
would mean ending ours?
77
00:04:58,416 --> 00:04:59,915
Or who would've thought
78
00:04:59,916 --> 00:05:03,249
that the fake confirmations
would come in handy so soon?
79
00:05:03,250 --> 00:05:05,125
We're dead!
80
00:05:06,208 --> 00:05:07,416
I told ya.
81
00:05:15,250 --> 00:05:17,290
Marcinek, pick up.
82
00:05:17,291 --> 00:05:20,583
The number you have called is busy.
Please, wait...
83
00:05:21,625 --> 00:05:24,166
And what is the double cheese topped with?
84
00:05:24,708 --> 00:05:27,500
Oh, with cheese. And the mushroom one?
85
00:05:33,250 --> 00:05:36,915
Quick, freeze the damn thing
with nitrogen!
86
00:05:36,916 --> 00:05:41,165
Never! Two hundred years
of research will not been in vain.
87
00:05:41,166 --> 00:05:43,499
The whore has opened my eyes.
88
00:05:43,500 --> 00:05:45,665
The oscillator works!
89
00:05:45,666 --> 00:05:48,499
You just had to press
all the buttons at once.
90
00:05:48,500 --> 00:05:49,875
Now the Nobel prize--
91
00:06:00,833 --> 00:06:03,583
Shit, we're done here.
92
00:06:04,833 --> 00:06:06,999
What? No salami with the pepperoni?
93
00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:10,250
Marcinek, start the car!
94
00:06:15,666 --> 00:06:18,708
Fine. Deliver to the address I gave you.
95
00:06:36,375 --> 00:06:38,165
And it just keeps buzzing?
96
00:06:38,166 --> 00:06:42,750
Yes, but earlier, the tentacles came out,
took the old man, and did this.
97
00:06:43,708 --> 00:06:45,832
And it was buzzing then?
98
00:06:45,833 --> 00:06:48,582
Jesus, Domino.
It doesn't matter if the door squeaks.
99
00:06:48,583 --> 00:06:50,165
What matters is what's behind it.
100
00:06:50,166 --> 00:06:52,249
It doesn't squeak, it buzzes.
101
00:06:52,250 --> 00:06:54,665
God, am I the only one
annoyed by this sound?
102
00:06:54,666 --> 00:06:55,665
Are you annoyed?
103
00:06:55,666 --> 00:06:57,165
- Not really.
- You're fired.
104
00:06:57,166 --> 00:06:58,749
Domino, the portal!
105
00:06:58,750 --> 00:07:00,666
All right. You, wait!
106
00:07:01,291 --> 00:07:02,500
I can still use you.
107
00:07:03,625 --> 00:07:05,166
But tomorrow, you're gone.
108
00:07:10,125 --> 00:07:11,500
Looks fine.
109
00:07:13,250 --> 00:07:14,166
Go ahead.
110
00:07:18,250 --> 00:07:20,874
It's weird. Everything's so big in here.
111
00:07:20,875 --> 00:07:21,833
Quiet.
112
00:07:22,541 --> 00:07:23,666
Do you smell that?
113
00:07:24,208 --> 00:07:28,249
- Domino!
- The exception that proves the rule.
114
00:07:28,250 --> 00:07:30,582
- It wasn't me.
- Father Domino!
115
00:07:30,583 --> 00:07:31,833
Watch out!
116
00:07:34,083 --> 00:07:35,874
My deepest apologies!
117
00:07:35,875 --> 00:07:37,665
It slipped out!
118
00:07:37,666 --> 00:07:40,082
I think it's too loose.
119
00:07:40,083 --> 00:07:42,915
I was right. He became useful so quickly.
120
00:07:42,916 --> 00:07:45,707
If the dung beetle is this big here,
121
00:07:45,708 --> 00:07:47,457
I don't want to meet...
122
00:07:47,458 --> 00:07:50,750
Shit, a sparrow! Run!
123
00:07:51,750 --> 00:07:53,290
Karma's coming back to get me!
124
00:07:53,291 --> 00:07:56,832
I used to shoot these bastards
with a slingshot in Hell.
125
00:07:56,833 --> 00:07:58,582
We're going to die in here!
126
00:07:58,583 --> 00:08:01,582
Father Domino, can I confess?
127
00:08:01,583 --> 00:08:05,207
Yes! Give me alms, but not less than 50,
128
00:08:05,208 --> 00:08:06,957
and tell me your sins!
129
00:08:06,958 --> 00:08:10,915
Spare me the juicy stuff!
I don't want to listen to this filth.
130
00:08:10,916 --> 00:08:13,957
Chirp, chirp, you fuckers!
131
00:08:13,958 --> 00:08:16,332
You're dead. Tweet, tweet!
132
00:08:16,333 --> 00:08:20,040
And then, without asking,
I grabbed her by the di--
133
00:08:20,041 --> 00:08:23,124
Fine, you're absolved. Next!
134
00:08:23,125 --> 00:08:25,332
Haha, got you, little bird!
135
00:08:25,333 --> 00:08:28,666
I'm gonna pig out today. Tweet, tweet!
136
00:08:30,416 --> 00:08:33,665
Oh, you! Let's see what you say,
when I come back with my friends.
137
00:08:33,666 --> 00:08:37,582
Baldie doesn't ask questions.
He just punches you in the face.
138
00:08:37,583 --> 00:08:38,749
And Łuki...
139
00:08:38,750 --> 00:08:42,541
He's totally fucked up!
140
00:08:43,916 --> 00:08:45,040
We made it.
141
00:08:45,041 --> 00:08:47,332
Okay, let's find Boner and get back.
142
00:08:47,333 --> 00:08:50,249
It's not safe here.
But where do we look for him?
143
00:08:50,250 --> 00:08:51,708
Maybe this will help?
144
00:08:55,250 --> 00:08:56,250
Follow me!
145
00:09:05,958 --> 00:09:07,082
Where are we?
146
00:09:07,083 --> 00:09:08,207
Good question.
147
00:09:08,208 --> 00:09:11,207
I did some basic research,
and it's strange.
148
00:09:11,208 --> 00:09:13,499
The conditions are remarkably stable.
149
00:09:13,500 --> 00:09:15,999
No wind, perfect humidity,
150
00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:18,999
and the sun hasn't changed position
for 12 hours.
151
00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:21,665
- That means we're in--
- That's right.
152
00:09:21,666 --> 00:09:22,915
In deep shit.
153
00:09:22,916 --> 00:09:24,457
I don't know what it is,
154
00:09:24,458 --> 00:09:26,832
but it's definitely not normal.
155
00:09:26,833 --> 00:09:29,790
Since we have nothing better to do,
156
00:09:29,791 --> 00:09:31,750
let's take a look around.
157
00:09:34,833 --> 00:09:35,875
What's going on?
158
00:09:37,208 --> 00:09:39,500
Shit. We're...
159
00:09:40,166 --> 00:09:41,458
in a terrarium!
160
00:09:45,916 --> 00:09:47,832
They really are funny.
161
00:09:47,833 --> 00:09:50,832
- Are they plastic?
- No, come on! They're real.
162
00:09:50,833 --> 00:09:52,332
Why so sluggish then?
163
00:09:52,333 --> 00:09:54,332
- Are they dead?
- Probably hungry.
164
00:09:54,333 --> 00:09:56,291
Wait, I'll give them a cricket.
165
00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:03,957
{\an8}THE END
166
00:10:03,958 --> 00:10:05,832
{\an8}Exorcist for less than three hundred
167
00:10:05,833 --> 00:10:09,124
{\an8}Actually, for two hundred
More if you want an invoice
168
00:10:09,125 --> 00:10:11,915
{\an8}Watch out, Beelzebutt
He will kick your butt
169
00:10:11,916 --> 00:10:15,291
{\an8}Watch out, Buttcifer
He will get you in his sights
12176
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